


To Honor and Protect

by starfleetdream



Series: Gratified By Your Company [4]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-01-03 05:58:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 57
Words: 204,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1066822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfleetdream/pseuds/starfleetdream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Passion drove them to bond so quickly.  There is much they don’t yet even know.  Now what?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel to "Gratified by Your Company." It's not essential to have read that story first, but I'd recommend it. Can be read as Star Trek TOS or 2009, although in my mind Sarek is always played by Mark Lenard and Amanda by Jane Wyatt.
> 
> I plan to post a chapter about every week or so, so long as RL doesn't make that impossible. As far as warnings go, there's a lot of sex (they are newlyweds, after all...), a couple instances of miscarriage, and some brief violence.
> 
> As always, no copyright infringement intended.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this tale about my favorite couple. Please, comment and review!
> 
> Many thanks to Selek for his terrific beta of Part II!

 

 

 

  
**Prologue** _  
_

_The silken fabric of the wedding dress whispered as it slowly slid to the floor, gently released from her body by his careful fingers.   Silence reigned as he lovingly took her into his arms with wonder and delight.  He prepared to demonstrate his devotion to her in every way he knew._

_That was before.  An ephemeral memory, barely recognizable even as his own._

_His shaking hands spasmodically grip the shredded remains of a dress, a second dress, violently ripped by these same, now desperate fingers.  The harsh pants of his breath violate the tense silence of the air around them.  He yanks her toward him, pressing his body to hers with single-minded, primal intent._

_This is now._


	2. First Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story begins just as "Gratified By Your Company" ends, with Sarek and Amanda aboard the Surak on their way to Vulcan after their Federation wedding on Earth

Its silken fabric whispered as the dress slowly slid to the floor, gently released from her body by his careful fingers. Silence reigned as he took her into his arms with wonder and delight.  He prepared to demonstrate his devotion to her in every way he knew.

Her eyes raised to his, she reached to undo the tiny clasps on her bustier when his gentle touch stilled her.

“Allow me,” S’chn T’Gai Sarek of Vulcan whispered huskily, and her eyelids fluttered at the sultry promise in his dulcet voice.  Ever so gently but surely, one by one, he undid every fastener and slowly removed it before turning to the remainder of her delicate undergarments.   Daring to caress her skin as he disrobed her of each one, he found himself sorely testing both his control and his resolve to prolong every moment.   But the effort proved utterly worthwhile.  A nymph from Terran legend stood before him when he finished, and he could not prevent his intake of breath as his gaze reconfirmed what his intellect, illogically, still found miraculous.  This woman was his wife.  _She is mine_. 

Amanda Grayson had been his wife now for three hours, forty-six minutes and seventeen seconds.  They were married precisely that long ago in a surprisingly efficient Terran-style wedding under the auspices of the United Federation of Planets, the first of its kind uniting Vulcan and Human.  

She had actually been his, his bondmate, for much longer – ninety-eight days, twenty-two hours, and eleven point seven five minutes.  Sarek had accepted the delay between their bonding and Terran marriage out of respect for Human customs and the time it apparently took to arrange an Earth wedding.  Vulcan weddings, of course, could be organized at a moment’s notice. 

In contrast, the time that elapsed between his marriage proposal to her and their bonding had been quite short; comparable, in fact, to the length of a Vulcan wedding.  In all of the universe, they had somehow found one another, had forged first a rapport and then a deep connection over the months that followed, inexorably drawn together by powerful, if unacknowledged, mutual attraction and perhaps even some of the illogical concept that Amanda called “fate.”  When they suddenly realized what they both shared, nothing could stop the immediate, passion-driven bonding that followed.  That they had not had the years to come to know one another deeply before their joining, as they would have had they been Vulcan children, mattered little to him.  And, he suspected, neither did it matter to Amanda.

Departing aboard the starship _Surak_ directly from the celebratory gathering that followed the wedding, Sarek was gratified, finally, to be alone with his new bride.   He swept her up into his arms, cradling her.  Without removing his eyes from hers, his long legs deliberately strode in a small circle circumscribed by the cabin walls as he spoke. 

“My wife.”

Amanda smiled up at him, curious about their brief journey. 

“I understand it is a tradition of your ancestors that I carry you over the entry threshold into our home following our wedding.  You have my pledge that I will do so when we reach Vulcan, and again when we return to Earth.  For now,” his deep voice continued as he laid her carefully on the sleeping platform, “this will have to suffice.”

Touched that he had incorporated another of her culture’s customs into their unique history and awash in tenderness for her surprisingly romantic husband, Amanda murmured, “I love you, Sarek.” She beckoned to him.

Sarek’s eyes darkened as he reached for the clasp on his outer ceremonial robe, but again he willed himself not to give in to haste, seeking instead to savor every moment.  He divested his garments one by one and deposited them aside, forgotten, before he joined her on the platform.

His sensitive fingers caressed her face for a long moment, not only sending her his thoughts, but also receiving her swelling emotions and thoughts in return.  A deep, instinctual satisfaction pulsed through him, along with an array of powerful emotions he found difficult to describe.  With effort, he found his voice again.

“I cherish thee, Amanda.” 

Her eyes roved appreciatively over his naked form, and as he watched her, he felt it begin again.  It was a building pressure wave, of emotion, of desire, of need for his bondmate – a peculiar madness, in fact, not the madness of the _Time_ , although its effect on him in the moment was disturbingly similar.  A paroxysm of desire, it had overwhelmed him before, just like the one that was overcoming him now.

Finally freed from the constraints of propriety and tradition, they could now mate as often as they wished, and Sarek was eager to make up for lost time.  The three hours and, by now, 51.65 minutes of waiting since the ceremony had been nearly intolerable even if he did not reveal a trace of it – never mind the all-too-numerous instances of pained restraint in the three point two five Terran months preceding their wedding.  

Those months had been punctuated by numerous attempts by him to adhere to Vulcan propriety by foregoing sexual relations before marriage.  He had not entirely succeeded… although he had numerous logical reasons to justify the exceptions.   And even in those times, other than the night of their bonding, he had not allowed himself to engage as fully as he desired.  But that was all past now.

Surrendering to the thundering demand of instinct, Sarek bent his head to the juncture of Amanda’s neck and shoulder and bit down as gently as possible while still leaving a mark on her delicate skin.  _My_ _mark_.  _She is mine_.   Amanda moaned, and the feel of her nails eagerly digging into his shoulders inflamed his arousal even more.

He suddenly realized why he was so frequently struck with this wave of ardor for Amanda.  She truly was the other half of his soul, his _k'hat'n'dlawa,_ and as such he could no more separate himself from her than he could part from half of his own mind or body.   He simply could not claim her enough.   The surge of passion struck.

Their lips and their fingertips met.   Sarek’s hands were everywhere on her body and his thoughts in her mind as he sought to bring them still closer.  She clutched him close, responding with a fervor that he found indescribably stimulating.  He stoked the flames of her arousal and Amanda’s cries rose in intensity until he could wait no longer.  He needed to be one with her.  Pausing for just a moment over her body as it called to him, he whispered to his new wife for the first time, “ _Aduna_.”

She surged up against him, her face the image of joy, crying, “ _Adun!”_ followed by a gasp as he swiftly joined them in that instant.   Their bodies now one, they stilled for a long moment, their breathing the only sound in the stillness.  Emotion ruled.

This sensation, this _feeling_ that possessed him whenever they made love – and if he were honest with himself, whenever he thought of his wife – was so powerful it threatened to undo him.  He had difficulty comprehending how such intensity of emotion for another being, even one’s mate, could possibly be permissible within Surak’s constructs.  It was, in fact, but truthfully he did not care whether it was or not.  He cherished it, a secret treasure of immense power, at once terrified of its potential to upend his world and immeasurably grateful that it had entered his life.

He kissed her, Human-style, and she twined her tongue in his mouth and twisted her body against his.  She ran her palms up and down his torso and then pulled one of his hands to hers, pressing the two together.  Sarek inhaled sharply. 

Her reaction to him, for him, so intensely emotional, so alien, expressive in a way that he could never be – and yet such a perfect reflection of those forces within himself that he could not name – captivated him and intoxicated him.  Amanda was as a drug to him, but in their private world together, Sarek felt no shame indulging in his addiction.

He began to move within her, slowly, savoring with every sense the exotically soft, moist slide of her body.  Amanda arched up to meet him, tightening around every part of him and reveling in his pleasure.  Her eyes wide, she luxuriated in the sight and feel of his muscular body moving into hers.  At times she felt almost guilty with the degree to which she enjoyed his powerfully erotic physicality.  At others, simply carried away on riptides of pleasure, she didn’t think at all.

Though he kept it well hidden, Sarek of Vulcan was a deeply passionate man.  And while the vast majority of his diplomatic associates had little inkling of what smoldered beneath his implacable exterior, Amanda knew.  She had seen hints of it as their friendship grew into something more, tantalizing clues that fascinated her.  Then she had come face to face with it that first, unforgettable night when she kissed him in the park – and their lives changed forever.  She cherished that secret side of his being and returned his fierce love for her with her life’s very essence.

He increased his pace, earning a delighted sigh from his mate.  He thrust harder, and she could not contain a passionate, guttural moan.

Sarek was so powerful, body and mind, that every time they made love he simply swept her away.  She responded in the only way she could, instinctively and emotionally.  She fully embraced him with her body, her mind, and her heart, could not give him enough.  She was his and would always be his, and he would always be hers.  That tide of passion was sweeping her away again, as well.

They began to move together with the frantic urgency of two beings possessed.   And Amanda did feel possessed – at once by her husband and by the wild part of her soul that refused to be satisfied unless she was in his arms.  Sarek released himself a bit more from discipline and gave rein to that passionate part of his being.

The sensations they created for each other spiraled swiftly to a feverish, uncontrollable crescendo.  Amanda began to tremble as she gripped her new husband tighter still.  Suddenly she cried out as her trembling became a violent tremor, wracking her body in waves of pleasure and emotion.   Surrendering himself, Sarek followed rapidly behind.  His whole body bucked and stiffened and his mind voice groaned in ecstasy as he climaxed, claiming her again as his.

Breathless from the intensity of their lovemaking, they collapsed into each other’s arms.

_//I love you...//_

_//_ K’diwa _.  We are one.//_

ooo

It seemed their labored breathing had only just slowed when Sarek was teasing her with his mouth and fingers again, nuzzling and kissing her.  The sight of her quintessentially Vulcan husband earnestly yet oh-so-amorously plying her body was one of the most erotic things Amanda had ever seen.  A tremulous shiver pulsed through her as she watched him. 

She could sense through their bond that he was planning something, piquing her curiosity.  She felt an answering swell of amused anticipation before Sarek pulled away, looking down at her.

“What is it, Sarek?”

“In preparation for our Terran wedding I researched Human customs on the subject.  I found a substantial body of literature from multiple cultures on your planet regarding Human mating practices.”  He shifted, lowering his head to kiss her mouth again, then nibble his way down her neck.

“Yes…?” Amanda managed to sigh, her body quivering in anticipation of she knew not what.

Sarek’s mouth continued its downward journey.  “I… am…” he began, in between caresses of his tongue on her skin, pausing when he reached his final destination, “…validating my research.”

Any reply Amanda might have made was swallowed up by a gasp that rapidly became an ecstatic moan.

He loved her slowly, exquisitely.  As the hours passed, his hands and mouth reverently traversed every surface of her body, their bond telling him exactly how to modulate his touch to pleasure his wife.   Sarek took his duty in this regard quite seriously.  This night following their Federation wedding ceremony was a special time when they could celebrate their union with pleasure and without urgency, unlike what would follow their Vulcan wedding.  Further, unlike the night of their bonding, a highly pleasurable event itself, this “honeymoon” as Amanda called it, was unique in that they had several days and nights in which to indulge in pleasurable activities of their choosing.  He intended to make absolutely certain that it surpassed her every expectation.

Their bodies and minds joined again and again, and each time it was like the first.

ooo

Later, while his wife slept, Sarek sat next to her in bed, lost in thought.  The journey that had brought them both to this point was a most unlikely one, and one he would not have foreseen when he first took on Vulcan’s diplomatic role to Terra, nor even when T’Pau returned him to Earth after his bond with T’Rea was severed.

And he certainly would not have imagined that he would find his _k'hat'n'dlawa_ with a Human -- and yet it was undeniable.  Her mind complemented his unlike any other; she calmed his tempestuous psyche; she inflamed his passion; and she brought him such joy that he could not express it, even if it had been in his nature to do so.  She was life to him, in far more than in the way defined by Vulcan biology.  His _katra_ had known this from the first time they met.  It had merely taken his conscious self a little longer to achieve the same awareness.

Now she was his.  A precious, fragile gift, delicate like a Terran butterfly.  The intense gratification their marriage brought him also brought intense pain, both real and potential.   He could recall the vulnerability he experienced when he first acknowledged to himself that his regard for Amanda was more than collegial -- how shockingly vulnerable he was to the potential for pain and loss.  It was not a realization that he had been at all comfortable with.  At the time, marrying her had seemed the logical thing to do.  She had honored him by agreeing to his proposal.

Now he was forced to draw another logical conclusion, that he was just as if not more vulnerable with her as his wife.    Marrying her had indeed been a logical act for a host of reasons, he was confident, but he was still frustratingly exposed – because _she_ was so vulnerable in his eyes.  He could lose her to any of a vast of array of forces, natural or otherwise.  She was so fragile but so precious.

Irrationally, part of him wanted to simply lose himself in the happiness she brought him; another part wished to lock her away from all that could harm her, to keep her safe.  It was imperative that he protect her, but at the same time he had to take care not destroy her happiness, and theirs, in doing so.

A combination of instinct and logical analysis had drawn him to bond with her.  But they did not explain these unsettling emotions that overcame him in his thoughts of her, the ones that continuously tested his control.

The destabilizing potential of possessing such emotions disturbed him greatly, and the contradictory extremes of such emotions co-existing within him at the same time perturbed him even more so.  He wondered how much more threatening to his logic such emotions could become – and realized it could only possibly become more challenging if they were to have children.

It was his clear and necessary duty to provide for and protect his bondmate (even though he knew that Amanda would object to such a seemingly archaic assertion).   In providing for her, he had no worries.  He knew he could provide for her far better than any Human male ever could.  He would honor her. 

More often than not, his desire to both provide and protect manifested itself in the desire both to demonstrate his deep passion for his mate – for such things could certainly not be spoken -- and to make it clear to any and all potential rivals that she was _his_.  Sarek was confident his motivations were entirely logical. 

Physical desire was logical from a biological standpoint, plus demonstrating his devotion to Amanda was logical as she was Human, with needs requiring that he do so.  It was important that she remain satisfied as his bondmate.   Fortunately, he had been surprised and gratified to discover just how pleasurable he found his duty.  With her, he had immediately discovered that he enjoyed the desire, and enjoyed even more the satisfying of that desire, for her and for him.  He did not think he would tire of it.

It was also utterly logical that he protect her from harassment by any potential interloper.  This sensibility proceeded from the very core of his being, one shared almost universally by others of his kind and gender.  The life-saving necessity of possessing a mate and protecting that mate from rivals, plus the attendant duty to honor the female who would gift him with both offspring and survival, catalyzed the over-the-top protectiveness and possessiveness of the Vulcan male.  While the constraints of modern day logic and control limited the expression of such impulses, they nonetheless remained, undiminished.  In exchange for the deep commitment she made to him, he would -- of course -- keep her safe from provocation by any other.

Protecting her from other dangers, though, was a different matter.  He thought of her wedding gown, a thing fragile like his Human wife.  Amanda had told him that on Earth such gowns were often family heirlooms, passed down between generations.  On Vulcan, wedding garments were by definition disposable, the circumstances surrounding their use far too harsh for any to survive, let alone to be passed onward.  His wife, like her gown, was a product of a much more forgiving environment.

Even now, in his duty to keep her safe he already had a less than stellar track record, he thought grimly.  Her abduction by extremists had only come about because of her association with him.  Now, not only did he need to continue guarding against similar such threats in the future, in addition, he would need to safeguard her to the best of his ability from a planet that would be hostile to her Human body.   Already on the _Surak_ she would need more sleep, time for her body to recover from and acclimate to the higher gravity and lower oxygen levels of Vulcan.

He glanced down at Amanda, sleeping soundly beside him.  She needed respite from the environment -- and from him as well.  He chided himself; he had quite frankly worn her out this night.  He couldn’t continue to exhaust her physically or mentally just in his desire to be close to her.  

Sarek suddenly found himself confronting a paradox:  if ensuring the safety and well-being of his bondmate were his top priority, which logically it must be, then logically, given that his association posed threats to her, should he not have refrained from bonding with Amanda in the first place? 

This conclusion was shocking and his mind leapt to reject it.  She complemented him unlike anyone else in his life; the connection they shared was unique – and essential.  All of the reasons that their bonding made sense still remained valid.  It could not be that they were not meant to bond.  Yet she would inevitably face threats specifically because she was his bondmate.

He meditated on the logical dilemma for some time.   Finally, he concluded that if there were any doubts about ensuring his wife’s safety and security on any dimension, he would simply have to redouble his efforts until there were no more questions.  He was S’chn T’Gai, of the House of Surak.  He was Sarek of Vulcan.  He achieved his objectives, and he did not accept defeat.

 


	3. First Day

Sarek awoke the next morning as Amanda stretched alongside him.  His attention immediately focused on the stimulus that had awakened him.  _My wife._ _Mine._ The slide of her soft skin against his set his body aflame.  Bands of steel tightened around her as he pulled her to him.

" _K'diwa_..." he whispered, his voice a low rumble of purposeful intent.  He had already established that mating was a logical activity as well as a duty to his Human bondmate.  Fortunately, Sarek had no intention of shirking his duty.

Amanda had always considered herself a morning person.  It had never troubled her to greet the day at a respectfully – if not an obscenely – early hour.  That is, until she bonded with a Vulcan.  Her husband’s biological need for fewer hours of sleep made her feel as though she perpetually overslept.  The change of circumstances had its compensations, however.

This morning she awoke to a soft nuzzle at the base of her neck.  She stirred lazily, rolling over.  A moment or two later, a gentle kiss, and warm breath brushing across her cheek.  “ _Mmm,_ ” her slumberous response. 

Now heated hands stroked around her waist.  She sighed and stretched, skin tingling.   Then those hands began to rove, stirring her further awake, and she felt the pressure of a hot body on her own, followed by gentle – but insistent – bites at her throat and ears.

“ _Mmm-mm_ ,” she repeated to her bedmate with greater feeling as _Alam’ak’s_ simulated rays began to emit from the cabin lights.  “Good morning,” she breathed, her arms reaching up to encircle his neck.

“May you greet this day with peace and health,” he murmured the traditional greeting while continuing his ministrations. 

“I think you are seeing to that, my husband – _Oh!”_ she exclaimed when his fiery fingertips caressed and teased her breasts.  As if her body were suddenly electrified, Amanda wrapping herself around her husband and kissed him fiercely, tongue twining against his.

Sarek uttered a quiet noise somewhere between a growl and a groan, the sound strictly contained compared to the arousal that blazed within.  His body arched above her and their eyes locked.

“My wife…”

“Sarek…”

Amanda cried out softly and her eyes squeezed shut as he joined their bodies again with a firm thrust.  She could feel his immense power, tightly leashed as he sought to tenderly love his wife; it melted her heart – and it drove her wild.  She matched his every move, responding to him eagerly, joyfully, ardently. 

Moving in tandem, slowly at first, their pace quickly accelerated as their passion mounted.  She could feel his control slipping and the fact that she could do that to him inflamed her body and mind still more.  Her fingernails dug into his back and she urged him onward with passionate whispers into one elegant ear. 

“Yes, _Adun_.  More please, Sarek, _yesss_ … _Oh!_ ”  Her voice dissolved into a quavering moan.

Sarek gave himself over to the tsunami of desire roaring through him.  He gripped his small Human wife more tightly as they moved with abandon, relishing the pleasure he felt radiating from her through their bond. 

It seemed their bodies demanded release much too soon, crashing over them suddenly like waves on a rocky shore.   As Sarek panted into the crook of his wife’s neck, he knew there would be more.   He held her shoulders as he felt himself stiffen within her again.   Looking into her eyes, he received all the permission he needed from her radiant smile, and then they moved together anew, even more urgently now, their bodies thrusting together in chaotic harmony as she tightened around him.   Finally, in another immensely satisfying convulsion, they pulsed as one.  Amanda cried out and Sarek held her closely as they slowly cascaded back down to reality.

She nestled into his broad chest with a sigh of contentment.  “This is such a wonderful way to greet the day, my husband – except now I need a nap,” she murmured, closing her eyes for just a moment.  Sarek’s arm contracted around her fractionally in reply, and he smiled that tiny, private smile.  He would bring her some of that Terran coffee he had brought aboard for her in a little while.

ooo

It was an exquisite honeymoon, more than she or he could have imagined.  In addition to indulging in each other physically, they used the uninterrupted private time just to talk, and to share thoughts, to learn more of one another.  Though their relationship had grown slowly from their first meeting, their sudden, headlong rush to bonding had nonetheless left gaps in their knowledge of one another, and it was these gaps they now sought to fill.

Over tea later that morning, Amanda peppered Sarek with questions about his life on Vulcan.

“Wait -- You crossed the Sas-a-shar when you were _how_ old?”

“I did not cross the entire expanse. I journeyed in the desert for ten days for my _kahs’wan_.”

Amanda was surprised to be unfamiliar with the term.

“It is a rite of passage traditionally undergone by Vulcan children since ancient times, when youth were expected to stand beside their elders in warfare.  Surviving unaided in the desert for ten days and nights demonstrates one’s readiness to assume responsibilities a full clan member.”

“So you still undergo this test, even today?”

“Even though we now live in the ways of peace, Surak considered it wise for us to continue such training, in order to remain self-reliant as well as to able to defend ourselves if necessary.  The _kahs’wan_ is useful in both such respects.  And,” he added, “fatalities are now quite rare.”

“Fatalities!  You could have _died?”_ Amanda was incredulous.

Sarek shrugged Vulcan-style, unconcerned.  “As you know, Amanda, the desert on Vulcan can be quite hazardous.”

She shook her head.  “I’m glad you made it through safely.”

“I had few concerns.  I was extremely well-prepared.”

Not wanting to dwell further on that subject, she took the conversation in a different direction.  “And here I thought you were a city boy. With all of that outdoor training, I’ll have to take you camping sometime.”

Before he could respond with inquiries of his own, an attendant buzzed for entrance with mid-meal.

“What a wonderful brunch, Sarek!” she commented at the selections he arranged for her, several of her favorites.

He looked up.  “‘Brunch?’”

Now she was surprised at his lack of familiarity with the term.  “You’ve been on Earth for how many decades and never eaten brunch?  Brunch is a combination of breakfast and lunch.”  She smiled, remembering.  “When I was a child we’d often have brunch on summer weekends.  We’d stay up late the night before, stargazing or watching holovids, then sleep in the next day and make an enormous meal when we woke.”

“It is illogical to alter one’s sleeping and eating patterns so,” he commented, obviously not seeing the attraction in such practices. 

Amanda laughed.  “You have never enjoyed the famous Grayson blueberry Belgian waffles.  If you had, you’d see the logic,” she said, wagging a utensil at him before taking a bite of fruit.

Sarek tilted his head pensively, observing her with an unreadable expression.  “I should like to learn more of your childhood, Amanda.  I am also curious, as you are about my life on Vulcan,” he acknowledged.

Smiling a trifle shyly, she replied, “Of course; I just don’t really know where to begin.  Ask me whatever you like.”

Now it was he whom she sensed was shy.  He leaned closer.  “I suggest another method, if you are agreeable,” he murmured. “The _kash-nov_ , mind-meld, can be quite pleasant, as you may recall.”

She did recall.  Their minds touched with every _oz’hesta,_ and the sensation was always intense.  Every time they made love, the joining of their minds was so powerful as to be overwhelming.  Telepathy was a completely alien facility, and as such there was an inherently frightening aspect to it, yet it was so much a part of Sarek that she could no longer imagine it not being a part of her daily life.  She trusted him completely.  She relished the intimacy of being inside of Sarek’s thoughts, and knew he deeply desired – and perhaps needed – the telepathic contact with her.

The _kash-nov_ played a vitally important role in Vulcan culture, too.  In a society that revered privacy precisely because of its members’ telepathic abilities, melds were not performed casually.  They were typically reserved for very close relationships – family – or issues of vital importance.  Melds were relied upon to transmit such important information accurately and completely among individuals.  The _kash-nov_ enabled Vulcans to form strong familial ties even within large extended families, and to maintain an unusually uniform culture.

“Yes, Sarek, I’d like that,” she said quietly, eyes raised to his, and she saw anticipation mirrored there. 

They finished eating, and he rose.  “Come,” he said, offering her his two fingers and leading her to the living area’s bench seat.  They sat close to one another, and Sarek raised his hand to her face. 

“My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts…” he began, and their minds converged.

For a moment she was just floating, surrounded by Sarek’s consciousness, and then Amanda suddenly found herself running, running _fast_ along a narrow, rocky trail, lungs breathing deeply and filling with the comfortably warm and dry air.  A glance downward revealed the trail to be but a slender ledge dropping sharply to bare rocks a hundred meters below, but she was unconcerned.  Strong legs carried her onward and upward to the breath-taking vista ahead.  Craggy peaks scraped a ruby sky, and exhilarated from the run, she paused at her vantage point to appreciatively take in the scene around her.  This was her _home_.

 

So absorbed was she that it took her a few moments to process that it was Sarek’s memory she was re-living.  _This is his home_.  She drank in the experience.  _Incredible…_

A moment or a while later – Amanda could not tell – the memory faded, and as she came back to herself, she quickly determined to offer him a similar one from her own youth, something unique to his experience.

 

_//Let me show you,_ Adun _…//_ She focused intently on a memory, hoping it would reach him.

 

It did.  Sarek’s perception of their stateroom faded, and at once he found himself immersed in water, ocean water.  Rather than any instinctive distress or alarm at the unnatural sensation, however, instead he felt a thrill – eager anticipation of what was to come.  Air bubbles surrounded him as he dove deeper, the small apparatus on his face providing him with oxygen.  His (her) brother John was there with him; he felt the affectionate connection and the joy of sharing a favorite activity.  The water’s pressure around him increased, but he was not uncomfortable.  Instead, he focused on the sea creatures around him:  coral, crustaceans, sponges, and tremendous numbers of fish.   The water literally teemed with life, and he was in the midst of it, exuberantly swimming through it, a part of it, until they had to rejoin to the world above.  

 

Sarek’s awareness returned to the _Surak_ , still enthralled by the alien sensations experienced in a memory not his own.  _//Fascinating, my wife…//_

 

They continued to share their personal histories with one another, filling in missing puzzle pieces of the adults they had each become.

Later, they also used the meld to educate one another more practically.  In particular, Sarek wanted his new wife to be fully prepared for her first experiences on Vulcan, for her to be successful in interactions that had a high probability of being challenging if she were not fully cognizant of Vulcan etiquette and social practice.  She was already quite well informed, and an intuitively quick study, there was a lifetime, if not centuries, of knowledge he need to impart to her in order for her to successfully navigate in Vulcan society.

Sarek knew he could have perhaps more efficiently entrusted the simple transfer of information on Vulcan life to Healer T’Alen back at the embassy.  However, for reasons his logic could not fully explain – perhaps it was the natural possessiveness of the Vulcan male – he was loathe to allow another to share his bondmate’s thoughts, save on the single subject where he knew T’Alen could communicate far better than he.   And so if his chosen method of educating his wife had its inefficiencies, those were trade-offs he was willing to accept.

Today Sarek had shown her techniques for shielding her thoughts and emotions, both to protect her own privacy as well as to avoid unwittingly imposing her emotions on others.   Then through the meld he had shared with her etiquette and practices specific to formal situations.  Throughout the entire experience his mind had wrapped around hers like a warm embrace, and the interlude left Amanda mentally fatigued but quite aroused.  Sarek found he was willing to indulge her desires.

_//My wife, your thoughts are drifting.//_ He noted that he did not have her full attention on the subject of protocol in the serving of water.

_//Hmm?  No, they’re not…//_ Her mischievous fingers were tracing intricate patterns on his chest, then his belly…

_//Amanda…//_ Perhaps it had been an oversight on his part not to insist that they dress prior to beginning this particular lesson.

_//Oh, I can tell you like that.  What about this…?//_

//Aduna, _I shall be forced to respond if you do not desist.//_

He felt her teasing amusement tickle at the edges of his control. _//Is that a threat or a promise, my husband?//_ Now she was taunting him, and he knew it.

_//Threats are illogical.  I am merely stating a fact,//_ his mind voice growled as he rolled her over to finish what she started.

ooo

Sometime later, resting in a satisfied, lazy daze, Amanda reflected.   She had discovered her husband’s passion – and the intensity of it -- quite suddenly the night they bonded.  She had afterward discovered the unfaltering nature of his ardor for her in stages; in fact, was only now realizing its full extent.  It was, essentially… _all_ the time.   _Honestly, who would have thought?_ It was a very pleasant, if occasionally exhausting, realization.  She marveled at just how close under her beloved’s tightly controlled exterior that desire ran, at his simultaneous ability to control and to desire. 

_Late September, 2229_

_She had been reading in his living area one evening before their wedding, waiting for him to finish some task and join her for end-meal.  He had been nearby when, absent-mindedly working her lower lip with her teeth, she suddenly felt a jolt of heat through the bond.  A jolt of heat and…_ desire _._

_She looked up, startled, only to see him quickly turn away, his face a mask._

_“Sarek?”_

_“My intended?” came his response -- controlled, impassive._

_“I just felt something… from you.  Didn’t I?”_

_He paused for a moment and looked away, as if debating whether or not to acknowledge what had occurred.  “I ask forgiveness.”_

_Now Amanda was confused.  She rose and went to him.  Gently laying a hand on his cheek, she was surprised to feel him tense._ I did sense something. _“What’s wrong?”_

_He turned back toward her, and took a breath before he spoke.  “Among the majority of my people, it is traditional not to engage in premarital relations.”  His eyes met hers.  “Of course, I will respect your needs.  I simply choose not to indulge my own… impulses at this time.”_

_Amanda’s eyes widened.  “Oh, Sarek, I don’t want you to violate your traditions on my account -- ” she began._

_“It is logical to address your Human needs,” he insisted._

Ah, _she thought, some understanding dawning._ Perhaps I can help. _“I commend your logic,” she murmured, placing her hands at his waist.  His eyes focused on hers, openly curious._

_“And I regret that my Human needs are so… incessant,” she purred.  Finding his trouser fastenings without taking her eyes from his, she released them, and him.  She was not surprised to find him already firm in her hands._

_Sarek took a quick breath.  “My intended, this is not necessary – ”_

_“Oh, but it is,” came her silky reply as she continued to stroke him.  He didn’t resist her, but fought to remain still as indecision flickered briefly in his eyes._

_Still caressing him and holding his gaze all the while, Amanda slowly lowered herself to her knees and breathed against his shaft. “These needs of mine, you know, so… demanding…”  Then she took him into her mouth._

_He didn’t gasp, but the volume of air he inhaled sharply through his nose confirmed what she felt through the bond.  He had never experienced this before.  And the bond revealed another thing: he did not wish her to stop._

_Sarek reminded himself to control, several times._ It is acceptable to indulge one’s curiosity, _he told himself;_ curiosity contributes to learning _._ _And he was very curious to learn what his bondmate would do next.  But as her tongue caressed him in a particularly sensitive spot, he realized it would not be long before he would have to react…_

_She lavished him with her lips and tongue, reveling in his excitement, until suddenly he drew her close and swiftly pulled them both to the floor.  In a blaze of passion, he took her right there on the carpet.  Twice.  And then again after he carried her to his bed.  He had been quite thorough in tending to her Human needs.  It had been… a momentous experience._

Amanda’s body tingled with the memory.  _How is it possible he can be so stoic and yet so impassioned?_ It was a pleasant mystery to contemplate.  To the outside world, Sarek was nothing if not impeccably proper, but she knew what churned beneath that reserved surface.  And all of him, every aspect, somehow resonated with her, deep in her core, consuming her with desire.  Ironic it was, that they had such a vital intellectual connection, yet at the same time she knew she could be quite happy never leaving his bed.

Now officially wedded by at least one jurisdiction, and if their honeymoon thus far was any indication, Sarek apparently had no further compunctions against indulging his impulses.  Apparently as well, her memories had triggered them again through their bond.  Delighted, she felt the sleeping platform dip behind her as his body settled next to hers. 

“ _Aduna_ ,” he whispered against her neck, “are there some Human needs of yours that I should satisfy…?”

Before she lost herself in the ineffable sensations created by her groom, Amanda realized one more thing:  Unlike what she had believed about herself before they bonded, she _was_ indeed a keeper of secrets: his.  That deep reservoir of passion, of devotion, was for her alone, and she knew that she could never, _would_ never, reveal those precious treasures to anyone else.

 


	4. Two Days More, & Some Surprises

 

The next morning they joined minds again for another lesson.  It had been very nice; now, however, at this particular moment, Amanda was a bit bored.  On this second morning of their honeymoon she had already partaken of another lesson on Vulcan culture and etiquette and had dutifully practiced the shielding disciplines Sarek had taught her.  Now restless, she did not feel like pulling out a PADD to read as her husband was doing.  More importantly, it had been almost eight hours…

It definitely could not be said that Amanda didn't initiate sex.  She did, a lot in fact, and at unexpected times and places. It was a source of mischievous enjoyment for her to get the drop on Sarek, as well as oh, so erotic.  For when he gave in to her, his response was always without reservation.  She knew that if he truly wanted to, he could resist her, but he didn't, and that unspoken surrender made her love and desire him all the more.  Musing on this in the present situation, she found what she was looking for.

“What’s this?” Amanda asked, poking at a small, hatch-like surface discretely built into the outside wall of their cabin while carefully employing the shielding techniques she had just learned. 

Sarek looked up from his reading. “It is the escape pod for this cabin.  A logical precaution.”

Amanda’s mouth curved into a grin.  “Of course.  Can we see inside?  I’m curious,” she added, managing to mask her mischievous thoughts with inquisitiveness.  Curiosity was one of the few acceptable emotional states among Vulcans.  And Sarek was one of the most curious beings she had ever met.  Inquisitiveness, in the pursuit of knowledge, of course, could make acceptable a host of impulses that logic might otherwise question.  Especially when it involved indulging the curiosity of one’s Human wife.

She was not wrong.  Sarek arose and obligingly pressed a discreetly placed recessed button, causing the hatch’s door to release.  He then turned to the adjacent desk and spoke briefly into its comm, advising the _Surak’s_ captain to ignore the alarm that access to the pod had triggered.  He gestured to Amanda and entered the narrow entryway, beckoning her to follow.

The small oval interior was barely large enough to accommodate two adults. A low bench seat nearly surrounded the walls.  The surface opposite it was almost completely covered with controls, and it was toward this that Sarek now turned.  Reaching to touch one read-out, he was prepared to begin explaining the pod’s various capabilities when Amanda unexpectedly slipped in between him and the console, facing him.   Her right hand glided smoothly up to where his left’s fingertips were poised over the panel, and she boldly slid her palm into his.

She heard his intake of breath, felt the surprise – and the stimulation – in his mind.  Stroking his fingers lustfully, she stared into his eyes as she undid the sash on her robe with her other hand.  The garment pooled on the floor of the pod. ~~~~

Sarek was not often surprised.  It was an unpleasant sensation that suggested a lack of preparedness and one he successfully avoided most of the time.  However, he had recently discovered, thanks to Amanda, that the twin sensations of surprise and arousal together were decidedly pleasurable.  And at this moment Sarek was both surprised and aroused.

“My wife…” he murmured, reflexively working to maintain his control.

“My husband.  I think we should christen this escape pod.  What do you think?”

His mind searched for a response.  Sarek was not certain how the definitions of which he was aware for “christen” applied in this situation, precisely, but… His thoughts were interrupted by an impatient whine from his mate as she pressed her bare body against his and kissed him – urgently – with her lips and fingertips. 

Suddenly it was he who was pushing against her body, pushing her down to the bench as his mouth and teeth found her neck and shoulder, as his hands pulled to hastily remove his own garments that were now very inconveniently in the way.  A voice in the back of his mind told him that it was illogical to attempt to mate in the escape pod; the cabin’s sleeping platform was only a few meters away.  But the idea of disengaging from his _aduna_ right now was anathema to another part of his mind, the part that again sought to claim her, that could never claim her enough.

His body quickly covered hers on the narrow, uncomfortably curved bench – it was clearly not designed with this purpose in mind – but he managed to brace their bodies together as he sought his objective.

Amanda moaned his name, gripping him tightly, and he positioned himself so they could join.  _This passion, so uncontrollable…_  His growl, low and intense, vibrated the air between them.

Their bodies coupled, and the bond flooded with ardor and sensation.  Her high-pitched cries inflamed him as he worked them, her body eagerly responding to his every thrust.   How much time passed, neither knew – it was at once endless and altogether too short.  Their shared fervor drove them to a sudden, intense climax that left them collapsed and tangled together on the floor of the pod.  Condensation from their labored breathing briefly fogged the tiny viewport before atmospheric controls responded to rectify the situation.

A little while later, Sarek shifted slightly to see if his wife was awake.  The top of his head was jammed rather uncomfortably up against the bottom of the bench and one of his legs stuck out into the passageway.

“My wife?”

“Mmm?” Amanda replied with a relaxed sigh.

“May I suggest we retire to the cabin at this time?”  Sarek inquired in his most dignified tone.

Amanda pushed herself up on her elbows to survey the situation and had to laugh at the incongruity between his words and his position.  “Of course, my husband.  I’m sorry I’ve put you in such a spot!”  Then she smirked mischievously and shook her head, unable to resist adding, “Although you have to admit, you did pretty much walk right into it.  I just don’t know what got into me…”

Sarek’s rejoinder was immediate as he murmured, deadpan, “I was not aware that Terran memory was so fleeting.  However, I would be gratified to demonstrate again ‘what got into you,’ my wife.”

“Sarek!”

“I believe you also ‘walked right into that,” he concluded, the tiniest bit of satisfaction in his voice.

Amanda glowered darkly at him as she picked herself up off the floor of the escape pod.  “Your sense of humor is most improper,” she retorted.

“I do not know what you mean, my wife,” he replied with innocence, deftly dodging her left foot as it shot out at him.

Once outside the cramped pod, Sarek re-donned his tunic and robe and turned to the desk.  Amanda, still holding her own robe in a bundle at her chest, watched him curiously.

“One moment, my wife.  There is a small matter to which I must attend.”  He commed the bridge.

The _Surak’s_ executive officer greeted him smartly.  “How may I be of service, _S’haile_?”

“There was a data log recently recorded for the escape pod of this cabin, was there not?” Sarek inquired, looking and sounding every bit the senior diplomat in charge.

“Yes, _S’haile_.”  The exec’s eyes flicked downward momentarily, consulting a read-out.  “The most recent activity concluded recording two _lirt’k_ ago.”

“Has this file been duplicated?”

“Affirmative.  Three back-up copies are made of all ship’s logs, _S’haile,_ and each is stored in a separate encoded location.”

“Understood.  You will immediately destroy all versions of this activity log on my authorization, Commander.”

“Yes, _S’haile_ ,” the commander returned obediently, nothing in his tone suggesting that he thought anything of this unusual request.

“Your work is commendable,” Sarek replied and switched off the comm.

Amanda had been listening, idly curious at first, and then with widening eyes as she understood the nature of the matter to which her husband attended.  When he shut off the comm she was staring at him, mortified, her hand over her mouth.

“Sarek, do you mean to tell me there was a recording device --?” She trailed off, horrified.  _Have I embarrassed us both in front of his crew, plus Lord knows who else? How displeased is he with me now?_

Sarek regarded his bride with an arched brow.  “ _Aduna_ , you will find Vulcan institutions to be efficient and thorough gatherers of information of all sorts.  It is in keeping with our logical and analytical natures.  And while my people also deeply respect privacy, such as when we are in our cabin as now, it is typically expected that one would refrain from behavior one wishes to remain private while in any sort of more public venue – such as an escape pod.” 

Amanda looked even more horrified as she squeaked,  “I had no idea…”

Sarek relented and offered his two fingers to his wife.  Any more of this and he could definitely be accused of teasing her.  “It is now of no consequence.  For future reference, let us be aware of the potential existence of such recording devices wherever we might find ourselves.”  He leaned closer, and his hot breath caressed her ear, “So that they may be neutralized as needed.”

ooo

Later, as Amanda napped and he held her in his arms, Sarek reflected on similarities and on diversity.  The Human concept of a honeymoon was not as alien to his sensibilities as he had first assumed.   The idea of a couple secluding themselves for a period of time to consummate their relationship was not unlike the Time for Vulcans.  Amanda’s description of the custom had highlighted important differences, however.  Seclusion was optional, she had related, and much of this honeymooning time was spent in activities other than mating.  It was much like a Human vacation.  

Sarek wondered at the illogic of that:  a customary time set aside specifically for a couple to mate, and most Humans spent their time doing other things?  He himself was not so tempted.  In fact, so far, his and Amanda’s post-wedding experience more resembled a Vulcan one than a Human one.  With the crucial difference that there was no life-threatening madness involved.   As there would be, inevitably, later.   His thoughts again turned onto a darker path.

The grim reality that Amanda would face in _pon farr_ concerned Sarek greatly.  Even after they bonded, and although he had explained the shame of the Time to Amanda beforehand, Sarek remained unconvinced that she fully understood what was in store, what would happen to him, to them.  He could do nothing about what was fated for him, but she had a choice.  In the midst of the tumult that had engulfed them when their engagement was announced – a publicity maelstrom, protesters, security threats – he had insisted that she obtain instruction from Healer T’Alen regarding what would be expected of her when his Time arrived.

_Late July, 2229_

_She had objected vigorously to his timing, given everything else that was going on.   It certainly seemed less of a priority to her.  In fact, his insistence on it had been their first real argument as a couple.  But Sarek had been intractable._

_Finally, at an impasse, he opted for a different approach.  “Please, Amanda, it is important that you do this now.   If what you learn is unacceptable to you, I will not object if you wish to sever our bond while I still am able to do so.”_

_Shocked, Amanda had stared at him speechlessly before she recovered.  “I—I thought that couldn’t be done!”_

_“It would be… very difficult,” he allowed.  “But you must know all, and have the opportunity to freely choose.”  The words alone were indescribably difficult for him to speak, even as he forced himself to do so._

_He could feel the hurt swell up in her through the bond as she asked, “You– you think I would back out, break our engagement, our bond, because of this?”  Her eyes swam with unshed tears._

_“I do not think you inconstant, Amanda,” Sarek replied, his voice uneven with emotion he could not fully suppress.  “I simply wish to ensure that you are fully aware of… of this.  That I have not inadvertently given you a misleading impression of what… will happen.”_

_“Then why can’t you tell me what it is I need to know?”_

_He ducked his head, something she had not yet seen him do.  “Amanda, I cannot.”_

_Amanda fixed him with a hard look.  “Do you want me to be your wife, Sarek?” she asked._

_“Of course.”  He looked back at her, surprised.  “I want nothing else.”_

_“And when you go into_ pon farr _, do you want it to be with me?”_

_Sarek closed his eyes.  “I fervently wish I did not have to ask this of you.”_

_Amanda’s gaze softened.  “I know.   Sarek, I’ll go listen to T’Alen, I promise.  But I’ll be damned if I’m not going to be there with you for this.”_

ooo

 _The Vulcan woman was matter-of-fact, for which Amanda was relieved._ At least talking to a Vulcan healer about sex won’t be a melodramatic affair, _she thought._

_When Amanda had explained her purpose, T’Alen had merely replied, “Logical.” Now, as the healer stood before her, she said, “It would perhaps be more efficient if I transferred this information to you through a meld.  There is a great deal of cultural information that you must absorb.”_

_While T’Alen’s proposal was a logical one, Amanda nonetheless hesitated at the idea of a mind meld.  Sharing thoughts with Sarek by now was becoming quite natural to her, but it was still an extremely intimate activity that gave her pause about sharing with anyone else.  Still, this seemed necessary._

_Seeing Amanda’s hesitation, T’Alen added, “If you do not wish to engage in the_ kash-nov _, I can convey the information to you verbally.”_

_Amanda shook her head.  “No, it’s all right.  Can we do it now?” she asked, wanting to get the task over with._

_The healer nodded, and gestured for her to sit.  After a moment’s preparation, she approached Amanda, fingers splayed.  The healer’s office dissolved from Amanda’s vision and re-formed into the hot, dry surface of Vulcan.  Amanda felt like she was in a dream; it was happening too fast for reality, as though she were skimming through a holovid, and yet she was seeing, absorbing things, as if she were part of the events happening around her._

_She found herself at an ancient ceremonial shrine with a small, faceless group of Vulcans, all of whom presented themselves in their usual calm, stoic manner – save one.  He was not calm, and she could sense that he was both a danger to others as well as in grave danger himself.   And she knew then that he was for her.  Or more precisely, that she was_ his.  This is supposed to be Sarek? _There was a brief, highly ritualized ceremony in which she somehow knew what to do, and what she should say.  Then a procession to the nearby caves –_ Caves?! _– where the rest of the party, the wedding party, she realized, left them alone._

_Although she should have been able to predict what would happen next, what she did see in her mind shook her.  Perhaps it was the suddenness, the... primal nature of it, the– well, there were many aspects that she was too embarrassed to contemplate while the healer was present in her mind._

_T’Alen withdrew, taking an evaluative look at the Human before her.  “Are you having difficulty,_ T’Sai _?” she asked._

_“No; I’m just… it’s just, well, a rather graphic method of learning, I guess,” Amanda replied, trying to recover her composure as her face flushed._

_“Nevertheless, it is our way.”_

_“It’s hard to imagine Sarek at all in that way,” Amanda said, looking up at the healer as if entreating her to say that it would be different._

_Ignoring the unspoken plea, the healer continued.  “The fever resolves itself over a few to several days, depending on the strength of the cycle.  Often the male’s mating impulse triggers a sympathetic response in the female, so that the mating that occurs is desired by both parties.  And it is the first such cycle for a couple that is typically the most… challenging._

_“What you must remember is that at this time it is the female who can control the nature of the fever’s course.  She is able to control where the male cannot.  In her hands lie the life of her mate, and the experience they will both have of the Time.”_

_T’Alen concluded her lecture and stared at Amanda expressionlessly.  “You have questions?”_

_Amanda’s thoughts were spinning from the download she had just received._ ‘Often’ desired by both parties?  ‘Challenging’? _“I will most likely have questions later, Healer, after I’ve absorbed this,” Amanda replied, working to remain impassive herself.  But she did have one question that she dared to ask.   “T’Alen, do you have a bondmate?”_

_The healer nodded once.  “My bondmate Seluk and I have been joined for forty-five Terran years.”_

_Before Amanda could ask the next question T’Alen continued, “The Time is survivable.  Quite so, in fact, or Vulcans as a species would no longer exist.”_

_Amanda was stunned to see a very slight but unmistakable warmth in the stoic healer’s eyes._

_“It is my assessment,” the healer added solemnly, “that with a sufficient connection through the bond, your Human physiology will be able to withstand the Time.  And the bond you possess with_ S’Haile _Sarek is, in fact, quite strong.”_

_Amanda drew a deep breath.  “Thank you, T’Alen.”_

_“Peace and long life,_ T’Sai _.”_

ooo

Continuing to ruminate as the _Surak_ sped on through subspace, Sarek absently sunk his fingers into the curly, silken strands of his wife’s hair, strewn about her as she slept.  _My wife_ …  A short while later she began to stir.  Startling blue eyes blinked up at him and he was immediately transported back again, this time to the very first time those eyes met his…

_October, 2228_

_"Dr. Grayson," Soran had spoken, "May I introduce S’chn T’gai Sarek of Vulcan, Ambassador to Earth.”   At that moment piercing hazel eyes met deep blue ones and time seemed to pause for just an instant._

_They spoke, and he was impressed with her command of_ Vulkansu _, unusual for a Human.  She was quite intelligent and appeared healthy – an excellent example of the female_ Homo sapiens _.  Still, he had encountered similar Humans._

_But her eyes were different.  They seemed lit from within by the passion he sensed when she spoke.  Both were vibrant and at the same time controlled – and he was fascinated by the juxtaposition._

_Their conversation had been brief and objectively unremarkable._ _  
Nevertheless, some aspect of her being, her_ katra _,_ _perhaps glimpsed through those sapphire eyes, had woven itself into his psyche.  He had been intrigued enough that he wanted more._

_His curiosity had coincided with the logic of_ _inserting the embassy into the Universal Translator project, and he had thus, however inadvertently or unconsciously, set in motion the events that brought them here._

A smile spread across Amanda’s face as she looked up at him, now awake.

“Hi.”

“ _Aduna_.”

“You look as though you’re lost in thought.”

“Hardly lost, for I am quite present,” he answered, diverting her from questioning his ruminations further, even as he continued to luxuriate in the depths of those deep blue eyes.  Even bonded as they were, he still found it difficult to express to her thoughts such as these – the ones about her.

Sarek continued, “We will reach Vulcan in 21.45 hours.  We are behind on our lesson plan, so to speak.”

Amanda laughed.  “Lesson plan? I’m the teacher here, remember?”

“You forget that I, too, have been an educator, instructing students in astrophysics at the Vulcan Science Academy.”

“And did you always have such difficulty sticking to your lecture schedule?” Amanda teased.

“I never had such an unruly student.”

“Watch out, Ambassador.  Talk like that just might cause some more unruliness on your ‘student’s’ part.”  But she was drawn from the considering the possibilities further by his expression of gentle reproof.

“My wife, I would not wish anyone on Vulcan to able to claim that your behavior was less than exemplary due to a failure on my part to adequately inform you ahead of time.”  He brushed her fingers lightly and she could sense that he was apologetic. 

Deciding to acquiesce, Amanda gave a short sigh of resignation and caressed his cheek, remarking lightly,  “Well, I hope no one’s looking for reasons to fault my behavior.  That wouldn’t be logical now, would it?”

Sarek quickly shielded his thoughts again.  Well before needing to manage the challenges of the Time, his Human wife would need to find a place in his ancient, tradition-driven society, a difficult task for many a newcomer.  He would, of course, be there to assist her every step of the way.  It was therefore not logical to worry her unnecessarily now with his concerns.

He raised his splayed fingers.  “Are you ready, my wife?”

ooo

Amanda had no idea how much time had passed when her eyes fluttered open again sometime later.  Sarek was regarding her with eyes that revealed a mixture of tenderness and amusement. 

“Are we finished?” she asked, her voice groggy.

“Indeed.  You fell asleep, so it seemed logical to conclude the lesson.”

Her eyes widened in embarrassment.  “Oh, I’m sorry, Sarek!  It wasn’t from lack of interest, I promise...”

“No matter, _Aduna_.  It is clear that you do require rest, however.  Rest now, and I will arrange for end-meal.”

Sometime again later after a pleasant evening, Amanda was drifting off to sleep for the night when she heard the ethereal sounds of Sarek’s _ka’athyra_.  The haunting notes filled their cabin and temporarily transported her back in time, to the wonder of a slowly dawning discovery. 

She recognized the melody -- he had played it for her once before, after a dinner together at the embassy – and then, as now, the music evoked in her simultaneous feelings of the most exotic and rare and yet the most trusted and familiar.  For her, it had represented what he was to her.  Now, she knew what had been but an inkling then: it also meant what she was to him.

“I love you, my husband,” she murmured, knowing he could hear her.

“Amanda,” came his quiet reply.

ooo

Sarek arose while his wife was still sleeping the next morning to tend to diplomatic business.  It was just as well that she continued to rest; the artificial Vulcan gravity aboard the _Surak_ was no doubt fatiguing her.  His decision to enhance the oxygen levels in their cabin to Earth levels had been a wise one; it would lessen the stress on her body.

So when he returned to their cabin before mid-meal, he was not overly concerned when Amanda appeared to still be in their bedroom.  When he entered to check on her, however, Sarek confronted a curious sight. 

Amanda was quite awake and stretched out on the sleeping platform, dressed in a type of garment he had not seen before, one that was clearly not designed to be worn outside of the bedchamber.  At least, he did not believe so – in fact, he sincerely hoped not… The sight of his wife clad in such a way in any sort of public venue would be most disturbing indeed.  Her attire, which covered only her torso, was white and constructed of a delicate, open lace that only partially concealed her body underneath.  He could quite clearly discern the rosy pink of her nipples as well as the dark shadow beneath the snugly fitted fabric at the apex of her thighs.

Amanda watched her husband’s eyes widen, and then, surprisingly, narrow.  He spoke before she had the chance to wonder about it.

“What is the purpose of this attire, my wife?” he asked, a slight rasp to his voice.

She stretched her arms over her head, arching her back.  “Isn’t it obvious?” she purred.  “I thought you might find it pleasing.”

Sarek’s eyes narrowed further, puzzling her.  _Maybe he doesn’t like white lace?_ She put the thought aside and slowly, languidly pulled herself up off the sleeping platform to stand, making sure he got a good look at every part of her body.

“Perhaps…” Amanda continued, holding out a red thong, “you like this better?  Or this?” In her other hand she held up a synth-leather teddy consisting of dozens of interlocking straps and metal rings.

While he did conceptually appreciate the garments his wife was showing him, they were, in fact, unnecessary and could only serve to get in the way of achieving the goal that had now materialized at the forefront of his mind.  Sarek’s eyes took on a predatory look as he moved toward her and she realized that this was not the response of a Human male.

“Sarek..?” she began as he stalked her.

“Yes, my wife?” he answered, his voice low, while blocking her escape with his body, slowly corralling her into a corner of the bedroom.  Staring down at her with heated eyes, he took the red teddy from her hands.  He explored the fabric with his fingers, regarding it curiously, and then, as if this were exactly what he was supposed to with it, he ripped it in half from top to bottom.

“Sarek!” Amanda yelped in surprise.

He returned his gaze to her, raising one dark eyebrow in challenge.  His voice, when he spoke, low and husky, was an odd mix of teasing and seriousness. “Is this not the purpose?  You wished to arouse your mate and you have succeeded.  I understand this may be a useful approach with Human males.  However, with me you have no need for such tactics, nor for such… superfluous paraphernalia.” 

Amanda swallowed, her pulse accelerating. 

He took the leather garment from her, and she watched his muscles flex as he simply shredded the straps apart.  The pieces dropped from his strong hands to the floor and he stepped still closer, until their bodies were but millimeters apart and she could feel his hot breath on her skin.  His fingers found the lace covering her breasts.

He spoke calmly but in a low, vibrating rumble, “It is unwise to place any impediment between a Vulcan and his mate, or to tease him.  I want only _you_ ,” he finished, as his fingers clenched and he proceeded to slowly tear the white lace down off her chest. 

Amanda was stunned.  _He’s serious…_   His reaction to the lingerie had taken her completely by surprise – and also had her completely turned on.  He continued tearing downward and she whimpered, trembling, bringing her hands up to caress his ears.  His eyes blazed and with a sudden tug he ripped the rest of the destroyed teddy from her body.  His teeth descended on her neck as he hauled her into his arms.  She yelped as he marked her once more and then moaned as she felt his hardness press against her.

He pushed her up against the wall.  He tore his robe off in an instant while he continued to nuzzle and bite at her neck and shoulders.  One hand trailed downward and his slender fingers explored her; she gasped.  He grunted in satisfaction as he quickly ascertained her acute level of arousal.  The remainder of his clothing vanished, roughly divested, and she moaned anew.

Utterly wound up and desperate for him, Amanda tugged at the hand he had braced on the wall.  He yielded it to her, his body settling against hers, pinning her there.  Exactly where she wanted to be.  She took his hand in both of hers and, staring into his eyes, kissed and licked his palm, then scraped her teeth across it.

An animal growl escaped his lips and in one smooth movement he aligned his hips with hers and snapped them forward.  Amanda cried out as he abruptly filled her, cinching her legs around his waist.  He thrust into her, his pace rapid and hard, his movements pushing her further up the wall where he held her.

Sarek was panting now, completely lost in taking his mate.  Her moaning became a continuous, feverish sing-song as his fingers found her face and he possessed her, body and mind.  // _You are mine!//_   his mind exclaimed, and the very private, secret part of her that craved his possession cried out wantonly in response, // _Oh, yes!//_

He drew the moments of driving ecstasy out as long as possible before he was forced to surrender to his body and he released himself in an explosive rush inside her.  An instant later, he felt her spasm tightly around his still-hardened flesh, and he was unable to completely silence a tortured groan as she gasped his name and convulsed against him.  She collapsed limply into his arms.

He braced them both there for a moment, catching his breath.  Her inner walls still clutched at him as he stroked her body, and the sensation was intensely satisfying.  After a few minutes, he gathered her close and slowly backed up, lowering them, still joined together, down onto the sleeping platform.  Amanda made a small noise of pleasure and he echoed her with a baritone huff, his arms holding her securely on top of him.

His body was filled with contentment, awash in the tremendous, pleasurable satisfaction of _possession_.  For his species and gender, possession of a mate was a life-saving necessity, driven by powerful instinct.  And, for him personally, this particular possession was also a source of immense pleasure and comfort. _Amanda_.  _My wife._   _Only her._   She accepted him, gave herself to him, and both fed and calmed the inexplicable madness that so often claimed him in her presence.  He relaxed into the soothing beauty of her mind.  _She is mine and I am hers._

Amanda remained wrapped around her husband’s strong body, slowly regaining her equilibrium after that surprising, thrilling experience.  She could feel his contentment, similar to but different from her own.  Before dozing off, she mused.  She and Sarek were similar in vitally important ways, profoundly so, but also, perhaps more than she realized, they were very, very different.  And she found herself responding to those differences in him with a force and passion that startled her.  _IDIC, indeed_.

 


	5. A Glimpse of Vulcan

## A Glimpse of Vulcan           

 

“We are entering Vulcan orbit.”

At her husband’s words, Amanda looked up, her packing task forgotten.  “Oh, let’s see!” she exclaimed, moving toward the cabin’s view port.  She had just looked out when Sarek called to her again, this time from the doorway.

“Amanda, attend,” he said, holding his paired fingers out to her.  “The view is superior from the primary cabin.”

As her fingers met his she could feel his suppressed excitement, and she looked at him in amused surprise.  _My rational, logical husband, excited to be home?_

He merely flicked a brow at her as he sensed her thought.  “Come,” he said simply.

The large viewscreen in the primary seating area revealed a dusty orange-red planet with just a few wisps of white belying the existence of water vapor.  As Amanda peered outward, Sarek’s quiet voice next to her narrated what she was seeing.

“We are passing over the continent Xir-Tan now… We will establish a geosynchronous orbit above Shi’Kahr, which as you know is the capital city…” his attentive monologue continued, pointing out each major geographic feature and population center, accompanied by innumerable planetary facts.

Sarek watched his new wife as she took in his planet for the first time, his core filling with warmth and tenderness for his mate.  Her interest, as she cataloged the place names and statistics he provided; her curiosity, as she asked more about the history of his world; her wonder as she took in sights she had never seen before.  It was his fervent hope that Vulcan would greet her with the same welcoming inquisitiveness as she was giving it at this moment.   At the same time, he was keenly aware that hope was illogical; concrete action was the only means to accomplish one’s wishes.  And he was more than willing to act.

For her part, Amanda recognized most of the place names Sarek mentioned.  She was, after all, fluent in _Vulkansu_.  But to see this world for the first time for real, not in a holovid, filled her with excitement, for she knew she stood on the verge of a great adventure.  That she could sense Sarek’s anticipation at arriving back on his home world only added to her own, just as it revealed a little bit more about him.  Now she would be applying knowledge she had acquired for years to learn – no, to _adopt_ – another culture.  Her _husband’s_ culture.  She was only visiting Vulcan for now, just as she had visited other lands and other planets in the past, but this was to become her home.  That she would make it hers, she had no doubt.

ooo

Soon it was time to prepare to leave the ship.  They were to meet with T’Pau in a few hours’ time, before their time together would once again be their own.   Before Amanda turned to get ready, a concern that had been nagging her resurfaced.  She stopped her husband before he stepped out of the cabin.

“Sarek, the fact that your mother wants to meet me.  Should I be pleased… or worried?”

Sarek tilted his head for a moment.  “It is a fact, and as such carries no emotional content in and of itself.  However, my wife, if I am interpreting your question correctly, do understand that if T’Pau did not consider you sufficiently worthy, she would not spend time meeting with you.”

Absorbing this, Amanda was still not fully satisfied, but decided not to question him further for now.  Did being “worthy” of T’Pau’s attention truly mean worthy in the matriarch’s eyes, or did it instead mean that Amanda constituted enough of a problem that T’Pau believed she had to see to it personally?  _No doubt I’ll find out soon enough_.

ooo

Not long after, Amanda stared into the stateroom’s mirror with frustration, shifting her position in an attempt to see her entire outfit.  Apparently the _Surak’s_ outfitters had not deemed a full-length mirror to be a logical requirement.   She wouldn’t have cared, really, except she found herself plagued with self-doubt as the ship now orbited Vulcan and shortly she and Sarek would beam down for a meeting with T’Pau. 

T’Pau.  Ruler of all Vulcan.  Matriarch of Sarek’s clan.  Normally Amanda wasn’t intimidated by authority in the least, but this woman was not merely an authority figure.  Worse yet, she was Sarek’s mother.  For the sake of Sarek’s and her future life together, Amanda desperately wanted to make a good impression.  There would be time enough later to learn the intricacies of her new family relationships, but for now she wanted to do everything she could to start things off on the right foot.

She mentally reviewed all she knew of Vulcan protocol, especially that related to formal occasions such as this. _I’m a quick study,_ she reminded herself _, and I know what to do and what to say._   How she was dressed, though, was the issue.  When she had packed – just a few days ago although now it seemed like months – she had thought a conservative Human outfit would be appropriate.  After all, she was Human, so the idea had seemed logical at the time.

Now, however, with more knowledge of what was in store and in the immediacy of the situation, Amanda was rapidly reconsidering that decision.  She was Human, yes, but showing up in the Matriarch’s offices in Terran garb might be pushing it, she sensed, possibly appearing disrespecting of T’Pau’s office or unaccepting of her new husband’s culture.  Not that she had a choice at the moment.  _Should have thought this through, Grayson_ , she upbraided herself.  Outwardly, she sighed.

ooo

Sarek returned from conferring with the captain to find his wife contorting herself before the cabin’s mirror, frowning.  Then she sighed unhappily.  He strode to her side.

“What troubles you, my wife?” he asked, peering into the mirror himself as if to see the problem.

Amanda turned to him, her brow furrowed.  “It’s probably silly, Sarek.  I thought this” – she fingered the folds of her skirt – “would be just fine for meeting with T’Pau.  Now, I’m not so sure.  It’s just intuition, but I don’t think I should meet her like this.”

Sarek gazed at her, considering for a moment.  He tilted his head.  “I do not understand this Human concept, intuition.”

Amanda shook her head with a wry smile.  “Sometimes we just… know something.  It’s a feeling.  And it’s very often correct.”

“Perhaps your mind has simply reasoned through an issue, and has arrived at a logical conclusion,” he offered.

She shook her head again, stubbornly, and laughed.  “Nope!” 

Sarek merely raised a brow momentarily.  Then his face became more solemn, and he placed his hands on her shoulders.  “ _Aduna_ , your ‘intuition’ in this case may be correct.  However, never doubt that I chose you to be my bondmate because of who _you_ are, all parts of you.  I celebrate our diversity.  I would never desire that you somehow become Vulcan, even if that were possible.   And if T’Pau” – now his eyes flashed – “cannot appreciate that diversity as well, then she would benefit herself by reviewing Surak’s disciplines.”

Amanda turned and laid a hand on his cheek, charmed by his protective posture.  “I love you, you know that?”

“Indeed I do,” he answered blandly, but Amanda had already learned not to be annoyed by his impassive phrasing.  She could feel his warmth for her through their bond. 

“Nevertheless,” he continued, stepping to a small cabinet and pulling out a wrapped package, “I have considered that there may be occasions when you may be more comfortable in Vulcan garb.”  He held the package out to her with the tiniest bit of hesitation, as if it were an offering that he feared inadequate.

“I took the liberty of having this made,” he began softly.  “If you do not prefer it, I will take no offense.”

Amanda marveled at her husband, who could with utmost confidence negotiate ground-breaking treaties of galactic import, and yet who could also reveal an almost boyish tentativeness around her, as if she were some exotic, alien creature.  _Well, I guess I am, to him._   _Or maybe it’s just because I’m a woman and he’s a man_ , she thought to herself.  _Either way, I love him._

She smiled up at him, taking the package.  “My husband, I already ‘prefer’ it, because it’s from you, and I don’t even know what it is yet.  What is it?”

The corners of Sarek’s mouth twitched upward slightly.  “Most illogical, my wife.  I suggest you open it.”

Amanda complied, her eyes widening at the sumptuous folds of fabric revealed within.   It was a Vulcan woman’s robe, and it was exquisite.  The cloth was luxurious, light and airy, in a deep blue that complemented her eyes.  It possessed a subtle iridescence that appeared to shift gently as the garment moved.  Intricate embroidery highlighted its surface, and it looked to be sized just for her.

“Oh Sarek, it’s beautiful!”

“I am gratified that it pleases you, my wife,” Sarek returned. “I selected one of the more lightweight fabrics for you, given your environmental preferences.”  His face was impassive as usual, but Amanda could tell he was pleased.

He continued,  “As I have stated, it is not necessary that you wear it to meet the Matriarch, but I wanted to provide you with the option should you prefer to do so.”

“Of course I’ll wear it, Sarek.  This is perfect!  Now _shoo_ – let me change,” Amanda admonished him.  Sarek raised a brow – it was not as if he hadn’t seen his wife undressed – but he retreated from the bedroom nonetheless.

A few moments later she reappeared.  “Well, what do you think?” she asked.

Had Sarek’s control been less he would have visibly caught his breath.  “It is… most pleasing,” he managed.  Seeing her in the traditional dress of his people moved him inexplicably.  _You are beautiful, my wife_.

“I appreciate your sartorial acumen, my husband.  Thank you for this gift,” Amanda said, coming forward to lay her head against his chest.

“And I appreciate your intuition, my wife,” he replied.  Grateful for the privacy of their cabin, he rested his chin on top of her head.  _IDIC, indeed_.

They remained that way for the next few minutes, content, until it was time to disembark.

ooo

Then it was time.  The _Surak_ had docked at Vulcan Space Central’s orbiting space dock, and they walked through uninterrupted, save a brief stop to have their palms scanned.  Their personal information had already been transmitted ahead of them.  Sarek, not surprisingly, seemed to require no arrival security checks, and by extension, neither did his companion, even though she was a Human.  A few pairs of curious eyes gazed intently at Amanda, in the quiet, almost silent terminal, but that was all.   A private transport took them swiftly down to Shi’Kahr and suddenly Amanda was on another world.

The transport settled down at an open air docking area in a large central plaza.  When Amanda stepped out, she was hit by a wall of heat that made the already warm temperature inside the transport seem chilled by comparison. It was hot, unbelievably hot, as if she had stepped into a sauna on overdrive.  The heat and dryness seemed to give the air texture, so much so it hurt to draw it into her lungs.

At the same time, her lungs reacted to the lack of oxygen and she involuntarily sucked in a large gulpful anyway.  Amanda held her breath for a moment to stifle a coughing fit before taking another large, if slightly more measured, draught.  Then she blinked rapidly in the bright, strange light of the Vulcan sun.  Her body would adjust.  Most importantly, she was _here!_

Sarek had stepped off the transport a few steps ahead and now quickly turned back to her at the sounds of her breathing. “Are you well, _Aduna_?” He was at her elbow, close but maintaining Vulcan distance, observing her with careful concern.

“Oh yes, _Adun_ ,” Amanda replied, turning to him with a reassuring and excited smile.  “It’s so beautiful!” she exclaimed with a wide smile as she started to take in the city around her.  Then, remembering where she was, her eyes widened and her hand flew up to cover her mouth.  “I’m sorry,” she whispered quickly.

Busy cataloging every physiological and emotional reaction of his wife to his planet, Sarek’s brow momentarily furrowed in confusion at her hushed apology. Then he understood.  “No offense is taken where none is intended,” he murmured, offering her the _oz’hesta_ so she could feel his reassurance.  “You will learn,” he said simply, utterly confident in her ability to conform to his world’s cultural norms.  

At the moment, he was more concerned with other matters.  “Let us move out of the sun,” he said, indicating a shaded seating area not far away.

They walked no more than fifty meters, Amanda thoroughly absorbed by the surrounding city and the different colors of this place.  To her eyes the color palette was like an Earth sunset, but with more intensity than Sol at midday.  The spread out, elegant city around them was comprised of very modern structures combined with some that were clearly very old, although impeccably maintained.  The architecture of the old and the new blended with pleasing, purposeful intention.  It was all fascinating.  Her attention was drawn to a particularly large, castle-like structure, one of the older ones, before Sarek directed her to a shaded bench.

When they reached it, she sat down with a _thunk_.  Even though it was not much more than what she’d experienced on the _Surak_ for the last four days, the heavier gravity tugged insistently on her body. She drew a deep breath, and then another from the combined exertion and lack of oxygen.

Sarek eyed her critically again, assessing.  “You will acclimatize somewhat over the next few hours,” he informed her, “and then more so over the next days.  I regret I cannot provide you with a more precise time line; every body acclimates uniquely.  We will, however, adjust our activities accordingly.”

Their fingers still touching in the _oz’hesta_ , Amanda smiled at him in her mind.  _//I’ll be fine, Adun.//_ At this moment she was immensely grateful for the fitness regimen T’Alen had placed her on a few months ago.  Amanda had thought it rather over-the-top at the time, but now she realized it was indeed necessary.  She was also glad to have spent so much time in the company of other Vulcans at the embassy; she was at least familiar with day-to-day culture and expected behavior as a result.

For his part, Sarek was fascinated -- and pleased -- by his bond-mate’s interest in his home.  He could sense her excitement, her curiosity, and her eagerness to explore through the bond. He was also, however, well aware of the toll Vulcan’s environment would take on her Human body, especially if she over-taxed herself in the desire to see and do.  He would have to protect her from doing so until she learned her own limits.

“Where are we going now, Sarek?” Amanda asked.

“We go now to D’Han’Naal,” he replied, gesturing toward the ancient, palacial building she had noticed earlier.  “This complex of buildings has been the seat of government since the time of Surak.  The Vulcan High Council meets in its chambers there,” he pointed to a circular, domed building not far from D’Han’Naal, “there are public archives to the left, and there, at the far end of the complex, is the historic residence for Vulcan’s planetary head of state.”

Sarek paused in his monologue to look down at Amanda.  “Are you well enough to continue, _Aduna_?”

“Of course; let’s go,” Amanda replied lightly, even though she had been grateful for the short break.

Sarek looked at her closely once more and then, apparently finding her condition satisfactory for the moment, began walking again.  He resumed his history of the palace.  “D’Han’Naal itself has been my clan’s seat of government for millennia before Surak.  As such, in Pre-Reform times it was destroyed and re-built multiple times as a result of war, and once in recorded history it was destroyed by natural disaster.  Closer examination of the structure will reveal architectural details from many different periods in Vulcan’s past.”

“That must have been some natural disaster,” Amanda commented, eyeing the extremely large, fortified structure.

“Indeed.  It was the unfortunate coincidence of a sizable seismic event followed by a _huhrik_ (first) magnitude sandstorm.”

“Do those occur often?”

Sarek gave a Vulcan shrug.  “They are of little consequence.  Naturally, we have developed technologies to minimize the dangers posed by such occurrences.”

Amanda wondered just how hostile an environment Vulcan’s really was.  _If the heat, gravity and dryness don’t kill you off, some cataclysm will._   Although, she thought further, there were no hurricanes, blizzards, floods or tsunamis.  The contrast finally put into perspective Sarek’s aversion to water-borne threats.  And the climate did help explain the incredible toughness of the planet’s denizens.

Meanwhile, Sarek noted silently that T’Pau had summoned them to meet in the oldest part of the castle-like complex, the one that required the farthest walk from the shuttle station.  The Matriarch may have intended to emphasize Vulcan’s long history (and perhaps pointedly, Vulcan’s particularly long history prior to its involvement with Humans), or may have wished to test the un-acclimated Human’s mettle with the journey, but Sarek chose not to bring either possibility to his wife’s attention.

Fortunately, they reached the entrance before long, and although inside it was still hot by Human standards, it was at least cooler and out of the glare of the Vulcan sun.  Pausing just inside the first open, airy hall in the most modern wing, Sarek took the opportunity to explain its points of interest while giving his wife an opportunity to catch her breath again.  Fortunately, Amanda seemed to be faring well, and he felt relief.  They resumed their journey into the edifice’s interior and back in time.

The citadel was not empty, Amanda noticed, even though it was quiet enough that it could have been.  There were guards – functional or ceremonial, she did not know – discreetly placed everywhere, and attendants and government functionaries silently going about their business as Sarek and Amanda passed by.  Occasionally someone directly in their path would bow gracefully to Sarek and he would incline his head in return; Amanda simply imitated his gesture.  Each time, she could feel curious eyes upon her once they resumed walking.

Finally, now clearly in an extremely old part of the complex, Sarek paused in front of a pair of high, intricately carved doors.  A guard touched a hidden mechanism and they silently parted to reveal the time-honored hall within.  Evidently, they had arrived.

 


	6. All of Vulcan in One Package

## All of Vulcan in one package

 

Sarek gazed down at his wife, affection clear in his eyes.  “You will do well,” he said simply, his fingers brushing hers so she could feel his reassurance.  Then his expression closed as he squared his shoulders and turned toward the ancient, cavernous space, resolved.

Sarek entered the great hall first, followed by Amanda.  His strides were deliberate and confident as he approached the figure seated at the far end, his footsteps echoing on the aged floor stones.  Trying her utmost to shield her thoughts, Amanda barely noticed the high stone walls, nor, spaced along them, the fire-lit torches held in the carved hands of huge statues.

Attendants melted away as they approached, and Amanda could see that the seated figure was a Vulcan woman.  She wore a dark, severe robe and an elaborate hairstyle piled high on her head. Though her figure was slight, she simply exuded authority. _This is T’Pau_.

Sarek stopped two meters in front of his mother and offered the _ta’al_.   “Live long and prosper, _Pid-kom_.”

T’Pau returned the ta’al and arose silently, bidding Sarek to approach.  He did, extending his wrists for the familial embrace.  There was a moment of silence as they greeted one another. 

Then Sarek stepped back, extending his two fingers in her direction, yet not removing his eyes from T’Pau. “ _Nam-tor_ _aduna t’nash-veh_ (She who is my wife).”

Amanda stepped to Sarek’s side, joining her fingers to his.Expressionless black eyes stared out at her from a face whose few pronounced lines revealed an age of well over a hundred in a Vulcan.   Beyond that, she could discern little else.  More silence, and Amanda steeled herself not to give away her nervousness.

_So this is the Earth female who seeks to claim my son,_ T’Pau thought.  “‘ _Aduna?_ ’” she asked pointedly, raising one brow at Sarek.

Sarek refused to be drawn by the implied questioning of their Terran wedding’s legitimacy.  “You will recall our Earth marriage ceremony took place four standard days ago.”

T’Pau ignored his statement, declaring abruptly instead, “This bonding was a poor decision, Sarek.  Most illogical.”   Amanda couldn’t help sucking in an indignant breath at this bluntness, earning a sharp look from the matriarch. 

Sarek remained impassive.  “I disagree.”

“Thy actions are more indicative of adolescent rebellion, or perhaps… infatuation… than reasoned logic.”  T’Pau’s speech was slow and deliberate, but this did not lessen the sharpness of her words.

Amanda was surprised and annoyed to hear Sarek characterized as an unruly teenager, but she redoubled her efforts to shield her thoughts.  _I mustn’t embarrass him…_ It was clear to her that, even though Vulcan had been at peace for millennia, there was suddenly a pitched battle occurring right here in front of her, going on as if she weren’t even present.

“ _Pid-kom_ , you are aware that I am no _i'khaz'el_ (young boy).  I have performed my duties in service to our house and to our people with logic and honor.  This extends to my personal decisions.”  Sarek’s tone as he spoke was calm and even – _too even?_ Amanda wondered.  He was shielding his thoughts from her, and it worried her.

“Irrelevant,” T’Pau returned.  “It is ill-advised.  And what thee describes as ‘personal’ is not entirely so.”   The matriarch observed her son in minute detail.  His shields firmly in place, she detected no emotion from him.  _Good_.  She did notice that he had not broken off the _oz’hesta_ , and had subtly positioned himself between the Human and herself.  She recognized that stance.  _He is protecting her.  Interesting…_

“We are _k'hat'n'dlawa_.”

The intensely personal and revealing statement hung in the air for a moment.  T’Pau was at once incredulous and skeptical – could her son and this Human indeed possess such a bond, one that few Vulcan pairs attained?   Or was his judgment instead deeply compromised?  She had been ruler of her clan and of her people for decades, and had thus seen and heard many more unlikely or worrisome things; nonetheless, she was concerned.  Her face, of course, revealed nothing of her thoughts.

“Attend,” she commanded.  Her voice was not raised yet it demanded compliance.

A rush of apprehension flooded through Amanda.  // _What does she have in mind?//_

_//She seeks to evaluate our bond, k’diwa.  No harm will result,//_ came her husband’s reassuring thought even as she could sense that he did not welcome the intrusion, either.  She took a calming breath as they kneeled in front of the matriarch.

T’Pau paused for a brief moment, evaluating the couple in front of her.  _At least the Human is in control, relatively speaking_.  She hoped to soon gain some understanding of why her son preferred to bond with this Human before her rather than one of the many suitable candidates who had been selected for him.  So far his choice of mate seemed confusingly illogical. 

The matriarch slowly relaxed her powerful mental shields and allowed her mind to touch the bond that flowed between them.  Although she took great care to respect the privacy of the pair, she used her powerful telepathic ability to examine the quality of the link in minute detail.  She found it surprisingly strong.  It was robust even for a Vulcan couple, and more so than she would have expected in any kind of interspecies connection.   She wondered how this could be so.  Nonetheless, logic dictated that facts be accepted as such, and she knew she had analyzed their bond correctly.  _Again, interesting…_

The matriarch removed her fingers and was silent for a long moment before she spoke.  “Thy bond… possesses unusual strength,” she allowed cautiously.  “Nevertheless,” T’Pau continued, her voice more severe, “while an adequate bond is necessary, it is not always sufficient for a successful pairing.”

Bidding them to stand, her eyes narrowed at Sarek.  “It was illogical for thee not to seek the council of thy elders prior to forming such an unorthodox bond.”

Sarek lifted his chin defiantly, and although his voice remained even, his attitude was quite clear in his bearing.  “On the contrary, _Pid-kom_.  I knew my choice was the correct one.  Involvement from my elders at the time would have only reduced the probability of successfully bonding she who is my _k'hat'n'dlawa_.  Hence, removing them from the process was entirely logical.”

Amanda’s breath caught in her throat as she saw the matriarch stiffen ever so slightly at her son’s audacity.  These two were so alike, in their mannerisms, their attitudes, and in their indomitable wills.  She could certainly see the mother in the son.  And even though both appeared eerily calm, this was a serious clash.

“Thee acted recklessly, and did not consider the consequences of thy actions.  Even now there are potential ramifications.  Thy position is not irrevocable.”

Sarek gazed coolly back at his mother.  “Yet my analysis proved correct.  The High Council did not remove me; to the contrary, quite the reverse.  I did what was necessary, and so did the council.”  His statement was bold and bordered on arrogance.  But he _had_ succeeded in making a completely unheard-of choice of mate while utterly ignoring the need to consider input from his superiors, even in his high profile position.  In this battle of wills, it had been those on the council who had blinked first.

Enthralled by the continuing interplay and watching Sarek defend her as his bond-mate, Amanda felt a rush of fierce affection rise up, a wave of love and pride that caught her by surprise.  And not only her.  She realized too late that her attention had wandered from shielding her thoughts as her husband blinked slowly and she knew he had felt it. 

“Such behavior,” T’Pau commented with disapproval.  Amanda stared down at the floor, willing herself not to react further in embarrassment.

T’Pau returned her attention to Sarek, her voice cold.  “Thee also saw fit to ignore thy elders’ council when thee decided to end 5,612 years of tradition in the clan of Surak.  At the very least, thee has left the matter of leadership for the next generation of the Vulcan people to thy younger brother.”

“This is not necessarily so.  There are possibilities for inter-species procreation,” Sarek began.

“Merely scientific speculation,” T’Pau dismissed.

Amanda’s head reeled.  It was difficult following the Old High Vulcan dialect they were speaking, but it was clear that they were talking about children – and the hereditary position of Sarek’s family.  It dawned on her suddenly that Sarek’s family was more special on Vulcan than she had even imagined.  The unimaginable suddenly seemed to be the truth.   _Have I married a prince?_

Her shocked look easily conveyed her thoughts.  One of T’Pau’s brows climbed slowly as she turned toward her son and drily asked, “So what else have thee neglected to tell her?”

Sarek frowned at his mother’s implicit reference to _pon farr_.  “I have omitted nothing of importance,” he replied, his voice clipped.

“Thy attitude is most improper.”

Sarek inclined his head ever so slightly in deference. “I ask forgiveness for my… impudence.  I intend no disrespect, _Pid-kom_.” 

The tension in the air unexpectedly slackened.

T’Pau sat back, sniffing in dismissal at her son’s apology.  She did not perceive that he was contrite any more than he intended to convey it.  “ _Nam'uh ralash-fam.  Zung-tor du nash-veh. (Be silent. You fatigue me.)_   You have always been a difficult child, _Sa-fu_.”

“Only in matters which are important, _Ko-mekh_.”

T’Pau considered her rebellious, stubborn son.  He did seem quite determined to have this Human as his mate.  In that case, she had better well find out if the Human would be good enough for him.  She doubted she would dissuade him, but she did want to test both his resolve and the Human female’s mettle a bit more.  “Do not push me further, _Sarek-am_ ,” she warned. “I would speak to your betrothed.  Leave us.”

Sarek drew himself up and looked evaluatingly from Amanda to T’Pau as if considering an objection.  Finding a satisfactory answer in Amanda’s determined eyes, however, he bowed his head respectfully in T’Pau’s direction and then departed.

Amanda stood alone before the matriarch. Silence hung over them for a moment as the last of the echoes from Sarek’s retreating footsteps faded away.

The elder’s face was expressionless yet her gaze was severe as she considered the young Human woman before her.  “Thee are called Amanda Grayson,” she stated.

“ _Ha, Pid-kom_ (Yes, Matriarch),” Amanda replied.

“My son is in all ways a Vulcan male,” T’Pau continued, broaching the topic without fanfare but with deadly seriousness.  “He has told thee of our deepest secret, that which we do not reveal to outworlders?”

Amanda met her gaze. “He has told me of the Time, Matriarch,” she replied evenly.  “I am his bondmate.”

“And dost thou understand fully what it entails?”  Although T’Pau’s tone did not change, Amanda could sense the challenge in her words.  She declared her response firmly.

“I cannot know fully what I have not yet experienced, Matriarch.  But Sarek has shared his thoughts of it with me, and Healer T’Alen at the embassy has provided me with the information that I will need.  I intend to be as prepared as possible.  And regardless, I will meet his need.  Sustaining his life is my most important duty as his bondmate.  And I love him.  I could do no less.”

At this last statement the elder blinked, as if Amanda had just announced the color of the Terran sky.  Ephemeral Human emotions, in T’Pau’s opinion, had no place – and no relevance – in any discussion of the Time.

“Your emotions are irrelevant in this.  In the Time, there is only need, and only life or death will follow.  Understand, Human: no matter what you claim to feel, your bondmate will know only need.  And if you fail him, he will die.”

T’Pau continued, relentless.  “Sarek possesses many times your strength.  He will lose all control in the fires.  He will not be the bondmate that you believe you know.  The likelihood is high that you will endure injury, and possibly even death -- at his hands.  And if you die in the Time, he will mostly likely perish as well.” She paused, again studying Amanda.  “Art thou certain of this path?”  T’Pau’s eyes bore into Amanda’s.

Amanda realized suddenly that T’Pau’s harsh manner was at least partially borne out of concern for her son’s life.  _She’s afraid he’ll die in_ pon farr _because of me_.  _Not if I can help it_.  She took a deep breath and met the older woman’s eyes.

“ _Pid-kom_ ,” Amanda began, “as different as we are from one another, we both share one goal: to keep your son safe.  He has never -- he will not hurt me.  Our bond is strong enough.  You have sensed it yourself.  You may not… appreciate my Human form of devotion, but love is very powerful.  And I bring that to my bond with Sarek.  I am bound and determined to keep my husband safe, no matter what sacrifice it may require of me.”  Amanda closed her eyes for a moment, attempting to project the depth of her resolve and commitment to her husband. 

The elder woman blinked.  The Human’s psi abilities were a mere shadow of her own, but she respected what she sensed.  _She is brave, if nothing else.  Still, bravery may not be sufficient._

T’Pau was not yet finished.  “A bonding with another species has never been attempted before.  Thou may find that, when the Fires come, Sarek is drawn instead to a Vulcan woman and not to thee.  Art thou prepared for such an occurrence?”

Amanda sucked in a breath, having not considered this.  _Could that happen?  What would it mean for us?_   She steeled herself against the unwelcome thoughts.  _I would be torn up – but it’s his life.  _She met the matriarch’s eyes again, resolved.  “ _Pid-kom_ , as I have said, I will do whatever it takes to see him safe.  _Whatever_ it takes.”

“We shall see,” T’Pau concluded, still unconvinced.  “In the meantime, life here will be difficult for you.  This planet is harsh to the uninitiated.  Few of your kind have made a home here.  You will be isolated, and missteps will not be forgiven quickly. 

“Should you survive the environmental challenges of Vulcan, there will be elements of Vulcan society who will reject you.  There will be those who will object to you because you are not Vulcan, out of concern that your presence threatens to dilute that which is Vulcan, and that you will flout the traditions that have kept our society whole and at peace since the Awakening.  Your presence at Sarek’s side will arouse these concerns still more.  

“He, his bondmate, and his children are to lead the clan of Surak, and the Vulcan people.  We are a conservative society, even as we celebrate IDIC.  It perhaps does not seem logical, but you will be held to a higher standard of success precisely because you are not Vulcan.”  T’Pau peered closely at Amanda, watching her absorb this litany of difficulty.  “Are thee prepared for such challenges?”

“Yes,” Amanda declared firmly.  And then she added, working to mask the defiance in her voice, “But have I already failed in your eyes, simply because I am Human?”

T’Pau remained impassive. _Yes, brave, to challenge me so_.  “You are emotional,” she said instead, dismissing the question.  “And I do not judge before there is sufficient evidence to do so.” 

She changed the subject.  “You escaped through water to elude other Humans who were attempting to harm you.  Tell me of this.”

A short while later, the matriarch seemed satisfied with Amanda’s recounting of the attempted kidnapping.*  “Interesting.”  Then, making it clear she had not forgotten their earlier conversation, she added, “You will need to learn different skills to survive on Vulcan.”

Before Amanda could reply, T’Pau leaned her head back and briefly closed her eyes.  A moment later, Sarek returned.  He entered silently and stood, respectfully but warily, before his wife and his mother.

“Sarek.  Thou art committed to this bond?”

“Utterly.”

“ _Kai’idth._   Protect thy Human mate from threats both seen and unseen; there are many.  I cannot change what is, but for now I reserve judgment on thy choice.  Do what is logical to ensure that it does not end badly.”

“I am aware of my duty, _Pid-kom_.”

“Good.  Thee and thy bondmate will attend us for end-meal in three nights’ time.  In the meantime, thy father awaits thy greeting.”  T’Pau stood, signaling the end of the audience. “Live long and prosper, _Sa-fu_ and Amanda Grayson.”

“ _Sochya eh dif_ ,” the pair recited in unison.  T’Pau nodded once, and swept out of the hall.

 

\---

* refers to incident in “Gratified By Your Company”


	7. Some Traditions

## Some traditions

 

“Come, my wife,” Sarek said quietly as he led her back out of the citadel and into the bright red sunshine of the Vulcan day.  Completely wrung out, Amanda wanted to do nothing but sag into her husband’s arms, but doubted there was anyplace they could embrace without being seen and judged.  She was quite relieved when Sarek led her to a hovercar.

Once inside, she buried her face in his chest.  “Oh, Sarek…”

He held her reassuringly in the privacy of the vehicle.  “The meeting concluded more positively than I expected,” he commented. 

Amanda pulled her face back up to stare at him, incredulous.  “What?  You thought it would be worse?”

“Indeed, it could have been considerably worse.  I knew T’Pau would not accept my choice of you as my bondmate immediately.  And while the council’s actions thus far have been… fortuitous, I am aware that opinion there is not yet settled, either.  However, I believe,” and he phrased his words carefully, “that T’Pau finds you to be agreeable.”

Taken aback by his blunt acknowledgment of how their marriage would be received on Vulcan, as well as surprised at his assessment of T’Pau’s opinion, Amanda exclaimed, “Sarek of Vulcan, have you taken leave of your senses?  She believes I’ll be the death of you!”

“I assure you I am quite in control of my faculties.  T’Pau will learn that such a concern is groundless.”

“And she says that there will be many who won’t accept me – precisely because I presume to be your wife.  Although I guess I understand that more, now,” she added.

Sarek’s eyes clouded with concern.  “Does my family’s position concern you, _Aduna_?”

“No, but it does explain a few things about you.  And I was just thinking about fitting in.  Being part of such a high profile family will make that more difficult.  I just wish you had told me beforehand.” 

Now his tone became protective, as well as possessive.  “Amanda, you are my _aduna_ , mine.  Should anyone you encounter have difficulty accepting this, they will answer to _me_.”  He glared into the air for a moment, as if he could, by force of will alone, establish acceptance of his Human wife where it did not yet exist. 

Then, regaining control, his tone softened again.  “I believe you are in need of some nutrition, hydration and rest, however.  Allow me to attend to your needs, and then, when you are rested, I will show you more of Vulcan as you have shown me places of Earth.”

Amanda sighed, and smiled up at him.  She did not know how much of a challenge her husband had taken on to make her his bride, nor if he was even fully aware himself.  It would matter at some point, perhaps greatly.  But right now it didn’t.  She loved him.  They would deal with these problems as they came.  Somehow the sharp edges of challenges and difficulties seemed to smooth over when she was with him.  “That is most agreeable, my husband.”

ooo

Later on, they traveled in the flyer toward the afternoon sun for what Amanda felt was a long time before Sarek landed the craft in the foothills of the L-langon Mountains.  She had nearly fallen asleep – or perhaps she had.  The morning had been exhausting, although she wasn’t sure which factor had more to do with it, the gravity, the lack of oxygen, or the meeting with T’Pau.  The rest in the flyer had been quite welcome.

Sarek parked the flyer on a flat stone outcropping that appeared to be the entrance area to some sort of shrine.  Signage stood at the beginning of a stone-lined path that led up a short incline toward a series of structures beyond.

They were obviously removed from any nearby civilization and were also apparently the only ones at this place, as there were no other flyers in sight.  Sarek therefore took Amanda’s hand as she stepped out.

“Are you feeling more rested and acclimated, _Aduna_?” he inquired.

“Yes, I am, thank you, Sarek,” she replied.  She could feel his mind probing to ascertain her physical condition.  Deciding he ought to be teased for his paternalistic assessment, she added, “You know that, though, so why did you ask?”

Sarek straightened and removed his hand with dignity, caught but not apologetic.  “I conclude by your response that you are indeed acclimating well,” he returned.

“ _Pfft_.”

Ignoring that last, he turned and led her along the winding path upward to a broad, sheltered overlook, upon which stood several open-air pavilions, obviously very old. 

The vista afforded by the overlook was a spectacular view of the desert they had just crossed.  In the middle of the site, lined by a low stone wall, was a small pool of water -- a trickle, really, coming out of a fissure in the rocks before being re-directed back underground at the other end of the pool – but it was actual, flowing water nonetheless.  A riot of desert vegetation grew alongside the pool, extending outward from it for about two meters before abruptly yielding again to sand and stone.

“This place is called _Eglus t’Kunel_ , a minor shrine to the Goddess T’Praith,” Sarek informed her.  “The shrine is approximately 11,980 years old.  In Pre-Reform times, couples would make pilgrimages here to pray for additions to their families.”

“T’Praith was the goddess of fertility,” she supplied in understanding.

“As it is one of the oldest extant shrines in this region, it is a notable historical site.  The desert vistas visible from here are also quite striking.  And as this was most frequently visited in ancient times by what you would call ‘newlyweds,’ I thought you would find such a visit interesting.”

Looking around first to again verify that they were alone, Amanda wrapped her arms around his tall form and teased, “Are we going to pray to T’Praith for an addition to our family, Sarek?”

Amanda could feel his amusement and attraction through their bond.  “You may, although I would assert that other factors will have greater influence than the goddess.”

“‘Other factors,’ hmm?”

“Indeed.  Come,” he offered his fingers, bidding her to follow him into the shrine.

Venturing farther into the timeworn site, Amanda suddenly felt the weight of history, and of millennia of traditions, upon her.  She was truly an outsider here, on an ancient planet and in a superannuated culture where it seemed that only sheer strength of will – hers and Sarek’s – would carve out a place for her.

Perhaps it was only the lengthening shadows brought on by the setting of the red sun, but she suddenly experienced a wave of foreboding and she shivered.  If it concerned her alone and this planet were to prove too hostile, as T’Pau predicted, she could simply choose to leave.  But it was not so simple for Sarek.   His clan, his position...  _T’Pau did say something about his position being at risk…_

“Sarek,” she entreated quietly, “are you sure this all isn’t too much?  I mean, I am a risk to you here…”

He turned back toward her, emotion evident in the swiftness of his movement.  Burning eyes stared down into hers as he raised his hands to the sides of her face.  “Never believe that,” he rasped out loud and in her mind.  There was no hesitation as he brought his mouth down onto hers, a very Human gesture made unapologetically by a Vulcan in this sacred Vulcan place. 

Sensing her concerns further, his mind voice replied, _//My place will soon be here, and your place is by my side, always.  We are_ k’hat’n’dlawa _.  I will not yield my place simply because I have found in you that which, in truth, every Vulcan seeks.//_

His kiss intensified and one hand roved swiftly down her body, pulling her close to him as he backed her up against a stone pillar.  Whether he had initially wished simply to emphasize his point or it was again that need to demonstrate the devotion he could not voice, he did not know; but the flame of his desire had been lit.

Amanda felt her knees go weak as his lips insistently pressed down upon hers, his emotion flooding through their bond.  But her experience with the _Surak’s_ escape pod plus T’Pau’s harsh warnings caused her to hesitate.  // _Sarek, we should leave…find some privacy…_ //

// _My wife, we are quite alone.//_   His fingers traced intricate patterns on her throat, then crept lower.

Her body was on fire.  //At least, let’s go to the flitter…//

Teeth now began to nibble along her collarbone.  Amanda sighed, fighting her desire for him and involuntarily clutching her husband tighter even as she sought to dissuade him.

_//The flitter’s presence below serves as notice to others that we are here.  It would be most improper for anyone else arriving to disturb us…//_

With that, Sarek pulled his wife down with him onto stones warmed by the setting sun and worn smooth by millenia of footsteps.  “It is as it should be,” he murmured, his voice throaty with desire as he felt her melt into him.  Amanda stopped fighting and gave in to what they both wanted.

He was gentle but strong and passionate as he defiantly sought to love his wife. He heard her moan, and his fingers and mouth never left her skin.  _//We belong to one another,_ K’diwa _, and to no one else.  Never forget this.  I cherish thee,//_ he declared fiercely as their bodies twined together.

_//I know it as instinctively as I breathe, my husband,//_ Amanda’s mind voice responded just before she was swept away on a tide of passion.

ooo

A little while later they stirred in the now chillier air.  Discretely recessed lights had automatically come on in and around the shrine.  “Sarek…” Amanda began, as if just realizing what they’d done and anticipating censure from some quarter. “Isn’t this a bit… improper?”  _Haven’t we just desecrated a shrine?  At least disrespected it?_   _And probably a dozen holo-cams have recorded the whole thing._   She closed her eyes in mortification as she again recalled T’Pau’s sharp words from earlier in the day.

Sarek matter-of-factly scooped up their discarded robes and pulled her to her feet.  His answer was somehow perfectly impassive yet unmistakably rebellious, and Amanda had to smile.  “Anyone concluding such would be illogical, my wife,” he said with a Vulcan shrug.  “This shrine celebrates life.”

ooo

Once back in the hovercar, Sarek took off in a different direction, heading toward the eastern outskirts of Shi’Kahr.  “We have one more stop to make today, if you are not overly fatigued,” he informed his wife.

Amanda sighed internally.  As much as she loved doing anything with Sarek, by this point she was exhausted and hungry.  It had been an eventful day, and she was looking forward to resting after many hours of Vulcan heat, gravity and atmosphere.  _Still, this must be important to him or he wouldn’t have proposed it,_ she thought.  “I can handle one more stop, my husband,” she grinned, and then added wickedly, “although it’s no thanks to you!”

With a quick look to make sure she was teasing, he replied gravely, “I beg forgiveness, my wife.”  He was gratified by her laughter. 

Amanda settled back in her seat and they flew on in companionable silence.  She reflected, not for the first time, on the many surprising dimensions of her husband.  She had discerned, almost from the beginning, many nuances to his being, from a sharp wit to a deep, almost sensual appreciation of music and literature, all carefully controlled and only sparingly revealed.  Even this hadn’t fully prepared her for the deep well of passion he had unveiled before their bonding. 

As she watched his smoothly composed, impassive countenance now, it was hard to believe that they’d just done what they’d done; she wouldn’t, in fact, if she were not a witness to her own actions.  And she had been a willing, indeed enthusiastic, participant.  In addition to the many hidden dimensions to Sarek, Amanda wondered on the irony that one with so much control could bring out such an utterly uncontrollable, passionate side of herself -- a dimension that, before Sarek, she hadn't even been aware she had.

After a while, Amanda could see the skyline of the city again.  But then it began to fade into the distance to her right as a large structure began to loom in the distance to the left and Sarek piloted the hovercar toward it.  She looked over at him.  “Is that where we’re going?”

He nodded.  “It is the Fortress D’H’Riset.  As you know from Vulcan history, it was erected here at the base of the L-langon foothills some two thousand and forty years before Surak’s birth to protect the water sources of Shi’Kahr and the city itself.  It was Surak’s home for a time and is a monument to Surak today.”

Amanda nodded.  She was familiar with the published history of D’H’Riset.  Why Sarek felt it necessary to bring her here now she wasn’t sure.  _He’ll explain eventually_ , she thought, and instead of questioning him further, she sat back again and surreptitiously enjoyed watching her new husband’s handsome profile as he piloted the flitter toward their destination.

In just a few minutes they approached a set of tall – very tall – gates at the entrance to the fortress.  It seemed to be a much bigger, sprawling compound than it had appeared from a distance, situated at the edge of a tall, broad mesa that dropped off sharply just before the foothills began their relentless rise into the towering L-langons.  The gates opened automatically for Sarek’s flitter – _curious_ , Amanda thought – and the car glided to a stop in a courtyard in front of the first large building.

Amanda looked up at the grand structure before her as Sarek led her from the flitter up the stairs to the entrance.  The place looked more like a huge, other-worldly castle to her than a monument.

She was caught completely off-guard when the imposing doors automatically opened at their approach, and Sarek swept her up and carried her over the threshold.  Speechless with surprise, she just looked at him.  “As I promised,” Sarek returned gravely.

Amanda recalled their last conversation about wedding traditions while they were aboard the _Surak_.   Her eyes widened.  “I thought this was a monument to Surak – but you’re telling me it’s your _home_?”

“It is a monument to Surak, as well as my home.  As the eldest heir to the clan of Surak, this is my residence.  It will be our home.”

Amanda just shook her head slowly.  “A prince _and_ a castle,” she murmured.

Sarek looked down at her, his brow furrowed.  “Is this… unacceptable to you, _Aduna_?”

Now she smiled at his evident concern.  “Oh no,” she replied, laughing a little.  “It’s just… unexpected.  Well, not that unexpected, I guess,” she concluded, eyeing him.

He merely flicked a brow as he set her down and led her into the large entry hall.  At the other end, huge floor to ceiling windows revealed a stunning vista, capturing the mesa’s sudden drop-off and the L-langon foothills arising immediately from the mesa’s bottom.  The L-langon mountains themselves stood tall and dark in the distance.

Following her gaze, Sarek took her toward the windows, and then out a set of doors built into the transparent wall that opened onto a broad, elegant terrace.

Elaborate gardens opened up below the terrace and spread outward to a fortified wall at the edge of the cliff.  The grounds wound around the fortress on either side and out of sight.  The wall, Amanda could see, followed the edge of the drop-off until the cliff gradually slumped into a steep hillside, down which the barrier ran until it disappeared out of sight.   The fortifications of D’H’Riset were evidently extensive.

“The fortress was originally built to defend the settlements down on the plain that became Shi’Kahr, and the aquifers that fed them,” Sarek informed, sensing her train of thought.  “It was situated here to take greatest advantage of the terrain.  The fortress is naturally defensible on this vantage point and well able to defend clan holdings from here.”  He gestured back at the building behind them.  “The great hall here became a locus point for military exercises, negotiations with opposing clans, and many times, preparations for war.”  He looked down at his new wife, his voice solemn.  “It is said that those who resided here witnessed the devastations brought down on more populous parts of Vulcan during some of those wars.  Now the S’chn T’Gai wear the mantle of peace, of diplomacy.  We live here in the shadow of ancient warfare to remind us of the reasons why.”

Amanda touched her fingers to his.  His sense of duty was not an act, she knew, but a profound part of who he was, and it was clear he assumed this legacy with solemn responsibility.  Before her mind could reflect further, though, he was leading her back inside.

Sarek’s tour of the fortress was exhaustive and informative.  For Amanda, learning that the ancient structure had been an ancestral home of his clan made it all the more fascinating.  Even more amazing was how well the fortress had been modernized.  The finest quality of living improvements that technology could offer had been seamlessly built into the infrastructure without sacrificing its ancient aura.  She looked forward to exploring such a fascinating integration of the old and new – but not right now.

It was now completely dark outside, with a faint glow from the rising sliver of T’Kuht visible along the horizon.   Amanda sank down on the piece of furniture nearest her in the great hall.   The wealth of history within D’H’Riset’s walls was incredible, but fatigue was wearing on her. 

Sarek didn’t miss her movement nor what it indicated.  “It is time for end-meal, my wife.  We should depart.”

She looked up at him in surprise. “Can’t we just have dinner here?” 

He paused a bit awkwardly, surprising Amanda again.  “Unfortunately,” he began slowly, “I gave the servants the evening off.” 

Amanda laughed inwardly at this.  _Servants!_   “Well, we can certainly come up with something ourselves, can’t we?” 

Sarek looked as if he were about to object and then thought the better of it.  Still not understanding his hesitancy, Amanda teased him, “Come on, you haven’t shown me the kitchen yet, anyway.”

“Very well, my wife.”   He led her down another set of elegant stone halls and breezeways, and Amanda wondered what she would find.  An ancient fire pit?  A replicator?

The food preparation area was anything but ancient.  It had been thoroughly modernized, and was obviously equipped to serve large numbers of guests.

“This is quite a facility!  We shouldn’t have any trouble scaring up a meal, assuming the stasis units are stocked,” Amanda commented upon surveying the large space.

“Indeed,” Sarek returned, albeit noncommittally.  He strode to the nearest large stasis unit and peered inside, then turned to Amanda.  “What… would you prefer?  We can replicate a variety of-- ”

“Oh heavens, Sarek, let’s have some real food after the replicated fare aboard the _Surak_.  Not that it wasn’t just fine, of course.  Why don’t you surprise me with something?”

He started to object.  “Surprises are—”

“Oh, I know.  Let’s just make something you’d like; I’m sure I’ll love it.” She smiled encouragingly.

Rather than tell her that her assumption was also illogical, Sarek’s brow furrowed again as he looked back into the stasis unit.  He quickly selected a few items and placed them on a nearby counter.  Then he began methodically searching through cabinets and drawers, occasionally pulling out an item or replacing another.  Finally he stopped, frowning at the collection he had assembled, and Amanda had an inkling of what was going on.

“Can I help?” she asked.

“I am uncertain,” he replied, reluctantly.  “I had thought that a simple _barkaya_ would be suitable, but it appears we may not have all of the ingredients.  Or perhaps the correct utensils.”  He paused, his expression guarded.  “Nor am I… certain, completely, of how much time it will take to prepare.” 

Amanda could not suppress a smile at this abashed admission.  _So my prince doesn’t know his way around a kitchen, does he?_  “Oh, don’t worry about it, Sarek,” she said soothingly.  “Do eating establishments on Vulcan offer take-out?”

“Not as such, typically.  And I am not ‘worried,’ my wife; rather, I recognize that I must see to your nutritional needs.”  If a Vulcan could wear a look of injured pride, Sarek was doing so at this moment.

“Of course, _Adun_.  But let me help, please.  Surely we can put together a meal in this vast kitchen,” Amanda suggested again.   Amanda certainly didn’t consider herself a virtuoso in the kitchen, but watching her husband attempt to cover his almost complete lack of familiarity both amused and charmed her.

At her words, an idea appeared to occur to Sarek.  Once again ignoring her offer of help – _no, my husband isn’t stubborn at all,_ she thought – he re-opened the stasis unit in search of something new.

Finding what he was looking for, he turned next to a dry storage unit for some additional items.  His search complete, he returned his attention to Amanda.  “Please, rest, _Aduna_ ,” he said, indicating a small table and chairs to one side.  _Provide for you I shall,_ he thought determinedly as he set to work.

A few minutes later and not without a slight flourish, Sarek placed a small platter in front of his new wife.  “ _Thuhk, kreyla_ , and _sash-savas_ ,” he announced. 

“It looks delicious,” Amanda responded genuinely, not about to comment on the fact that her husband had just cooked up a dinner of cheese and crackers with a side of fruit.

ooo

A little while later, comfortably full and with _sash-savas_ now firmly identified as a new favorite food, Amanda stretched and could not quite stifle a yawn.  She really was tired now.  “That was wonderful, Sarek; thank you,” she managed.

“It is only logical to provide sustenance to one’s bondmate,” he replied solemnly, but Amanda could tell he was pleased ( _relieved?)_ that she approved of the meal.

“You are fatigued,” he stated, “yet there is one more area of the Fortress I must show you.”

Before Amanda could protest he stood and picked her up, carrying her easily in his arms.

“Sarek!  I can walk, you know. Where are we going, anyway?”

“You have walked enough this day, _Aduna_.  I will take care of the rest.”  Sarek ignored her question of their destination as they left the kitchen area and began to climb a long, winding staircase.  Once at the top, down a corridor and through a few tall archways, he brought her into another large room and gently set her down. 

Amanda found herself on the largest sleeping platform she had ever seen.  Across from her, huge floor-to-ceiling windows looked out onto the night sky, while the ceiling itself arched high above her.  Elegant, ancient tapestries and other artwork decorated the walls, softly illuminated by modern, recessed lighting.

“Your sleeping chamber, my wife,” Sarek said.

Amanda arose and went to him, laying her hands on his chest.  “It’s beautiful.  I hope it is _your_ sleeping chamber as well, my husband.”

“It is customary for Vulcan couples to occupy separate sleeping quarters, although they may share them, at times.  Nonetheless, I would find it… agreeable… to share these with you.” 

Unlike other more public or philosophically driven traditions, Sarek gave barely a thought to abandoning this Vulcan custom, reasoning that their sleeping arrangements were a private matter between themselves, and it was logical to please his wife.  He bent his head, and his lips brushed her hair as his paired fingers sought hers. 

“I would like nothing better,” Amanda sighed in contentment, leaning against him.

Strong hands steadied her. “You must rest,” came his quiet command as he matter-of-factly began to undress her for bed.  “I have procured sleeping garments; however, you do not have to wear them,” he added, causing Amanda to giggle.

“Really, Ambassador.  Are you sure that’s appropriate in this hallowed place?”

By way of response, Sarek tumbled her down onto the bed.

That night at the vast fortress, the desert wind blew in through an open bedroom window, cooling them.  They took no notice of the night sounds and any sand that might have blown in with it; they were otherwise occupied.  And as Amanda fell asleep nestled in the crook of Sarek’s arm, she felt a little more at home.

 


	8. Vulcan reception

## Vulcan reception

 

The next day they met Skon in his offices at the Vulcan Diplomatic Corps headquarters in central Shi’Kahr.  Amanda wasn’t sure what to expect of Sarek’s father, only that she sincerely hoped this meeting would be different from the encounter with T’Pau.

What she wasn’t expecting was his warm and firm handclasp when Sarek introduced her.  “Greetings, _T’sai_ Amanda,” Skon spoke in an elegant, sonorous baritone.  “Live long and prosper.”

Amanda recovered enough from her surprise to murmur, “Peace and long life, Ambassador Skon.”  Then her eyes widened as she realized that his welcoming gesture was also a very effective diplomatic tool:  he’d quickly and accurately gauged her emotional state when he’d grasped her hand.  The elder Vulcan’s gaze met hers and he nodded ever so slightly, as if to acknowledge her realization.  Then she felt through the bond that Sarek was equally aware, and was not pleased.  

Skon ignored his son’s stiffened posture.  “I am gratified to meet the female who has captured my son’s _katra,”_ he continued.

Amanda blushed, surprised again, this time by his easy reference to Vulcan emotion.

“Illogical statements are unnecessary, _Sa-mekh_ ,” Sarek interjected.

Skon turned shrewd eyes to his son.  “They are only illogical if they are untrue; is this not correct, my son?”

Sarek’s eyes narrowed in a minute display of annoyance, but he did not reply.  Instead, he took a position standing at Amanda’s shoulder, hands clasped behind his back.

Skon returned his attention to Amanda and gestured to a low couch.  “ _T’sai_ , please sit.  I will provide refreshment.” He motioned to an attendant Amanda hadn’t even realized was there and then was speaking to her again.  “How are you adjusting to Vulcan, _T’sai_?” he inquired.

“Please, Ambassador, call me Amanda,” she ventured. 

The elder ambassador inclined his head.  “Indeed, Amanda.  Such a concession on my part requires the same of you; please address me as _Sa’mekh_.”

Pleased at the granting of such familiarity, Amanda smiled.  “I am gratified, _Sa’mekh_.  I am adjusting; each day is better.  Sarek ensured that I had adequate preparation before we arrived,” she added, gazing at her husband.

Skon nodded.  “As I would expect.  You will find, over time, that an appropriate regimen of physical activity will greatly ease your experience on our planet.  There are few Humans who have resided here long-term, but those who have done so have found such conditioning beneficial.”  

At that moment, the attendant returned with a tray of glasses and an ornate water pitcher.  Rather than serve the water, however, Skon conspicuously stepped back from the tray and gestured to Sarek, who stepped forward and poured a glass for Amanda.  Then Sarek poured a glass for Skon, and Skon poured one for Sarek. 

Amanda was confused by the apparent ritual; she had never observed Sarek do this at the Earth embassy.  There had typically been attendants about.  And when it had just been the two of them… Her eyes widened, suddenly connecting their actions with the etiquette and protocol lessons Sarek had given her.  But how many times had he brought her water or food before they were bonded?  She smiled inwardly.  _Her very formal Vulcan ambassador apparently broke a few rules in his pursuit of her, didn’t he?_

But before she could think on it further, Skon was peppering her with questions, about her childhood, her schooling, her work with the Universal Translator.  It was pleasantly cool in Skon’s office, Amanda noted almost absently, and she found herself relaxing, becoming almost chatty with Sarek’s father.  He was curious and even charming, while still utterly Vulcan.  She could definitely see the father in the son.  When Skon asked her to clarify a particular detail, however, she realized that he already knew a great deal of what he was asking her.

_Verifying, is he? Well, I guess it’s understandable that he would look into my background…_ Amanda noticed then that the robe Skon was wearing was heavier than those she had observed on others, and she realized belatedly that she’d been taken unawares again.  Skon had lowered the temperature in his office so she _would_ relax… _Have I relaxed too much, failed some test?_

Sarek, sensing her anxiety, quietly stepped forward, offering her the _oz’hesta_.  Skon took notice of the act and inclined his head.  “I ask forgiveness, Amanda.  It is unnecessary of me to ask you so many questions when you no doubt underwent a more exhaustive interrogation from T’Pau.”

Amanda blinked, having no idea how to respond to that.

Skon took no notice, adding instead, “You will find with time that, occasionally, my bondmate’s ‘bark is worse than her bite,’ if I have translated that idiom correctly.”  Amanda knew that he knew he had.

Skon suddenly turned his attention to Sarek.  “My son.”  Amanda was fascinated to see Sarek straighten, almost standing at attention before his father.   “Tell me of your recent accomplishments,” the elder Vulcan commanded.

Sarek dutifully complied, and the next several minutes passed as Skon interrogated his son on everything from the current political situation on Earth and progress and obstacles in several sets of trade negotiations, to Sarek’s assessment of the Klingon military buildup in a neighboring sector. 

Finally satisfied, at least for now, Skon abruptly switched his attention again, saying, “Ah, but we neglect our guest.  My son, your bondmate is likely fatigued.  Bring Amanda someplace where she can be comfortable, and care for her.”  Another command.

With that, they made their farewells, and Sarek mentioned that they would be re-joining in two nights’ time for a dinner at D’Han’Naal.

Amanda was unsure what Skon meant about the dinner when he raised a brow and commented sagely to her, “You will find these affairs most uniquely showcase Vulcan efficiency.  Until then.”  He bowed and escorted them out.

Amanda left a little dazed by her charming yet commanding father-in-law. Even as he presented himself as a bit eccentric by Vulcan standards, it was clear to her that nothing got by him.  He and T’Pau seemed at once so different in their personalities and yet so similar in their commanding presences.  She wondered what it must have been like to grow up in this family.

ooo

End meal at D’Han’Naal turned out to be a lengthy affair. Since it was traditional among Vulcans not to converse while dining, there were lengthy interludes between the multiple courses to allow for discussion.  Amanda, already tired from the last several days -- no doubt from acclimating to Vulcan -- realized that Skon had actually been _sarcastic_ earlier when he had commented that an event such as this -- which was taking hours -- showcased Vulcan efficiency.  _Like father, like son_ , she had thought with wonder.  _Who knew?_

That was before she found herself in her current position, curled around the toilet receptacle in one of the refreshers, riding through another wave of retching.

The evening had begun auspiciously enough.  As she and Sarek mingled, sometimes together, sometimes separately, Amanda was introduced to the members of the Vulcan High Council, the heads of the Vulcan Science Academy and a few other august members of Vulcan society as guests shared water before the meal. 

Sofir, an elderly council member, had been the first to pose the question.  “I am unfamiliar, T’Sai Grayson; what is the Human lifespan?”

“It is approximately 150 Earth years, _S’haile_ ,” Amanda answered.

The Vulcan looked her up and down.  “Are you an adult, then?”

“Why, yes,” she replied, surprised and trying to conceal her embarrassment.

“Ah,” Sofir responded, curiosity evidently satisfied.  “It is difficult to tell with Humans.  Adults of your species can appear as children.”  Two others standing near, T’Ulin of the council and her bondmate Sponik, bent their heads in agreement, and Amanda realized that Sofir was probably not the only one wondering if she were still a child.  _They must think Sarek has lost his mind…_  

“Indeed,” Amanda murmured.  She was aware that many of those to whom she had been introduced observed her with unabashed curiosity, as if she were some kind of exotic zoo animal. _Apparently Humans can be as strange to Vulcans as the reverse_ , she thought.  

A short while later Skon introduced her to T’Riah, a geophysicist at the Science Academy.  “I have read some of your work, Dr. Grayson,” the scientist began.  “It would be agreeable if your brought your linguistics studies to the Academy.”

“I am honored,” Amanda replied, surprised that T’Riah was familiar with her field.

When queried about her interest, T’Riah simply responded, “Diversity is to be celebrated in all areas, no less so than in the search for knowledge.  I find some of my academic colleagues do not always honor this ideal, however.”  The Vulcan woman met Amanda’s gaze.  “I am a member of the Science Academy’s academic council.  When your inquiry came to the VSA, I decided first to investigate your work and then to advocate for it, to ensure that it was represented appropriately.”

Amanda blinked, wondering if her scholarship had been found wanting by others at the academy.  Seeming to sense her question, T’Riah responded, “I have travelled widely within the Federation and beyond for my work, Doctor, and I am perhaps reminded more consistently than some of my less-traveled colleagues that differences in viewpoints and methods enhance, rather than detract, from the scientific process.  We are a conservative society, but do ultimately embrace change for that which is logical.”

“I understand,” Amanda acknowledged, realizing both that she would need to re-earn her professional standing here and that she had apparently gained an ally in T’Riah.  “I appreciate your support.”

“One does not thank logic,” T’Riah responded with a raised brow.

“To shared logic, then,” Amanda replied with a restrained but genuine smile. 

She had been relaxing after this friendly encounter when T’Pran, another council member, made a seemingly innocuous inquiry.

“Dr. Grayson, I was unaware that Human academicians devoted themselves full-time to their studies.”

“Well, yes,” Amanda responded, somewhat uncertain as to the question being posed.  “I work full-time, but no more so than a Vulcan professor would.”

“Yet you are residing at D’H’Riset, are you not?”

“Yes…?” Now Amanda was confused.

Equally puzzled by their apparent failure to communicate, T’Pran tried a different tack.  “Do you plan to publish the results of the exercise you are conducting with _Kevet-dutar_ Sarek?”

Positively baffled now, Amanda could only query,  “Excuse me, _Shikh-Ornavensu_ (Honored Council Member)?”

T’Pran appeared more perplexed herself.  “This cultural study you are conducting.  When it is complete, and you return to Earth, will you publish the results?”

A slow chill moved through Amanda as she abruptly realized the nature of the misunderstanding.  The foundation of familiarity she had been steadily building for her new surroundings suddenly gave way, and the undeniable obviousness of her alien nature here on Vulcan was once again painfully clear. 

Sarek, who had been conversing nearby, was immediately at her side, his soft but authoritative baritone summoning T’Pran’s attention. 

“ _Shikh-Ornavensu_ T’Pran, I regret that you were somehow misinformed.  We are not conducting a ‘study’ of any kind, nor is this a temporary exercise,” he stated firmly, wondering what the council member could possibly be thinking. “Our arrangement is quite permanent.  _T’Sai_ Amanda is my bondmate.”  He raised his paired fingers to Amanda’s.

The look of shock and incomprehension that passed across T’Pran’s face would have been comical if the moment hadn’t been so awkward.  She quickly composed herself before turning to her bondmate, Sofek, a VSA official.  “You informed me that this… association was an experiment,” she all but accused him.

Sofek looked at the floor.  “So I had hypothesized.  I regret my error.” 

Silence fell.  _You regret that you made a wrong assumption, or you regret that we’re bonded?_ Amanda wondered, her anger rising, and Sarek shot her a warning thought even as she could sense he was tightly controlling his own emotions.

At that moment, Skon appeared at Amanda’s elbow, smoothly herding her and Sarek away from the spot with his own movement.  “Novel concepts often require some time to be absorbed,” he murmured quietly to the pair.   Then, more loudly, he inquired, “Amanda, tell me what you have seen of Vulcan thus far.” Conversation re-started around them.   _Thank God_ , she thought.

Relieved by the change of subject, Amanda recited the rather lengthy list of places that Sarek had shown her during their short stay, finishing with the _Eglus t’Kunel._

“Ah, a popular site historically,” Skon commented, casually inclining his head.  He continued in a scholarly tone, “In ancient times, couples would actually copulate at the shrine in the hope of ensuring a successful conception.” 

Amanda’s eyes widened. 

“I understand that occasionally the ancient rite is still practiced,” he finished innocently.

Amanda nearly choked on her water.  Sarek remained conspicuously expressionless; Skon merely raised a brow at them both.  “I am… pleased, my son, that you are providing Amanda with such a thorough historical tour.”

ooo

Fortunately for multiple reasons, dinner was served promptly thereafter.  Each course featured Vulcan cuisine that she had not previously experienced, and in spite of her fatigue, Amanda was fascinated as Sarek explained each.   One such dish, _pre tarmeeli_ , seemed to morph into different flavors with each bite she took.   It was wonderful, at least at first.   Amanda knew she was inordinately pleased with herself when she withstood its fiery aftertaste with aplomb while under T’Pau's discerning gaze.

 

That self-satisfaction vanished a short while later, though, when she was overtaken by a rising wave of queasiness.  When ignoring it didn't work, Amanda was forced to quietly excuse herself.  She was relieved when she made it out if the hall without breaking into a run.

 

Now, after what seemed like a very long while, embarrassed and exhausted in a refresher, Amanda dreaded what would likely happen next.  Sarek would come looking for her, or T’Pau would send a servant, and she would be found like this, a limp and smelly rag of a Human desperately dry-heaving in Vulcan’s thin air.  She ceased to care a moment later when the retching started again.

 

It was Sarek who found her, concern evident in his eyes as he swiftly surveyed her condition.  “It’s just something I ate,” Amanda reassured him apologetically.  The thought of the _pre tarmeeli_ made her nauseous just thinking about it.

“Indeed.  I shall have to review the ingredients from this evening’s meal.  Perhaps the list of Vulcan foodstuffs that are disagreeable to Humans needs to be revised.  Shall I summon a healer?”

“No, no,” Amanda replied hastily.  “I think I’ve made enough of a spectacle tonight already.”  Sarek’s brows climbed and he appeared ready to dispute her statement.

“Please, Sarek, can you just take me home?  I’ll make apologies to your parents.”

“I shall, my wife, but apologies are illogical.  If anything—”

“Sarek, it’s okay.  Please.”  She clamped a hand over her mouth in anticipation of more nausea, causing Sarek to conclude that an expeditious departure would be logical.

A few minutes later, Sarek took his and Amanda’s leave of the other dinner guests.  “It has been a long day for my _aduna_.  Live long and prosper.”  Amanda was sure she was not imagining the slight but clear emphasis he placed on the word “ _aduna_ ,” and her heart swelled.  This had not been an easy evening, but she felt a bit better already.

ooo

As they returned home and Amanda dozed in the flitter, Sarek thought.  The reaction of Council Member T’Pran and Administrator Sofek to his bonding was surprising.  As he analyzed the situation further, however, he had to acknowledge it was, in fact, not that unexpected.  While his people had been space-faring for generations, there were nonetheless those who maintained an isolationist, almost bigoted attitude toward other sentient beings.  They did not apply IDIC beyond themselves. 

While it was disturbing to observe behavior indicative of this mindset in individuals who were highly placed, it was illogical to deny it.  And he had to admit to himself that, in his haste to secure Amanda as his bondmate, he had perhaps neglected to take the necessary time to cultivate the concept among those who would be less accepting.  Amanda had done well tonight, but still he knew there were council members and others who remained unconvinced that their bonding was a wise one.  For his wife’s well-being on Vulcan, he would have to be less cavalier when they returned permanently.

In the meantime, he resolved to allay any of Amanda’s concerns when she inevitably asked him about this evening’s incident.   He would not have her needlessly concerned.

ooo

Later that night, dinner concluded, Skon approached T’Pau on a balcony, ruminating as she stared out over the lights of Shi’Kahr.

“You are troubled, _Aduna_ ,” he declared softly in the quiet nighttime air.

“Our son has made a dangerous and unwise choice.  Dangerous for him, and unwise for the council.”

More sanguine than his bondmate, Skon replied calmly, “Perhaps, although virtually no action is without risk of some kind.  It is yet premature to judge.  They are a good match, and an example of IDIC.  And our son has done well in preparing the legal path for her acceptance.”

T’Pau remained unconvinced.  “I am less concerned with her gaining acceptance than with our son maintaining his.  And I am concerned for his survival.”

In the dark of the moonless night Skon raised a brow.  There was no point in attempting to sway her opinion now.  She did raise valid concerns, and although he believed they would be resolved satisfactorily, only time would tell.  There was no logic in debating their differing positions.  He could not resist chiding her, however.  He was the only one who could, after all.  “Worry is illogical, my wife.” 

The Matriarch of All Vulcan gave him a narrow glance, well aware of what he was doing.

He extended two fingers, and she joined hers to his.

ooo

 


	9. The remains of the honeymoon

## The remains of the honeymoon

 

Amanda awoke in the fortress feeling the tight pang of a cramp in her lower abdomen and a tell-tale bloated feeling informing her of what was imminent.   _Oh, yuck_ , she thought.  _And I’ve just been sick at T’Pau’s – as if that wasn’t uncomfortable or embarrassing enough_. Now, lying next to Sarek before the sun rose over the Fortress, she contemplated whether she should get up to go to the refresher or just try to fall back asleep for now.

Her stirring was enough to wake Sarek, however, and he rolled toward her.  “You are unwell, my wife?”

Amanda felt the color rise in her cheeks with self-consciousness, even in the dark.  Sometimes the bond could be too discerning.  “No, I’m fine,” she sighed.  “I mean, it’s just my monthly cycle.   Probably the star travel or the gravity is just making me a little crampy this time.  I’ll get something for it if it gets any worse.”  She gave him a wan smile and pecked him on the cheek.  “I may be a bit cranky for a day or so, so I apologize in advance.”

Sarek’s brows knit slightly as he parsed this information.  “This is part of the Human female fertility cycle,” he said, recalling the facts he knew.  “Would you prefer that I reschedule our planned activities for this time period?” he asked earnestly, and Amanda couldn’t restrain a smile.

“It’s all right, my husband.   It won’t incapacitate me.  Thank you for the thought, though.”  She squeezed his arm reassuringly, but Sarek was not convinced.

“Nevertheless, I could… help you, with the discomfort --?”

“Oh, you are sweet.  But it’s nothing, really.  Just hold me and I’ll feel much better.”

“Your statements are illogical, my wife, but I will accede to your wishes.  I would not wish you to become ‘cranky.’”

“ _Shush_ , you.”

She snuggled closer to him, her husband’s warm body a comfort to her achy one.   She couldn’t remember the last time she had had a case of menstrual cramps, but she shrugged it away.  _No doubt it could be chalked up to the different gravity, lack of lunar influence or whatever_.

ooo

They spent a few more days on Vulcan.  Amanda recovered more or less as she expected, and was charmed if occasionally embarrassed by her husband’s assiduous attention to her health.  They continued to sight see.

Finally, on the morning of their last day on Vulcan, Sarek took her to the traditional market area in Old Shi’Kahr.  As it had for millenia, the bazaar opened well before dawn, to enable business to conclude before the harsh rays of the midday sun began to beat down. 

In the early dawn light, Amanda took in the large, open-air space that bustled with activity – and yet was almost completely silent.  Only the faintest murmurs could be heard from nearby stalls as transactions were initiated and completed.  The dealings taking place were so similar to many in Earth’s past and present, yet this venue was still so undeniably… alien.  Like the other sights Sarek had shown her, a hundred obvious and subtle differences combined to render a place that was irrefutably not her home.  She took a deep breath, thinking of their journey.

Sarek turned to her.  “My wife?” he inquired quietly.

Amanda’s eyes met his.  “It’s just… it’s all so different…”

“Do you find it unacceptable?”  Sarek’s voice was perfectly controlled, yet she sensed his concern.  He was referring to more than the marketplace.

She smiled at him.  “No, _Adun_.  The differences are fascinating.”  She offered him the _oz’hesta_ and for a while they simply stood in silence with the rising sun, fingers touching. 

ooo

 


	10. Unexpected Turbulence

**Unexpected Turbulence**

The following day they traveled through space dock to the _Surak_.  It was time to return to Earth.  After stowing the few belongings that they had carried aboard, the couple settled in the ship’s common area to catch up on messages and work.

Amanda was reading messages on her comm when she smiled suddenly, exhaling with a small noise of pleasure.   Sarek’s head rose from his own PADD to observe her, curious.  Sensing her husband’s eyes upon her, she raised her own to his as her smile broadened.

“What pleases you at this moment, my wife?”

“Marcia commed me.  She and some of my friends want to know when we’re returning so that they can throw me a bachelorette party.” 

“Indeed.” Sarek tilted his head.  He had met Amanda’s close friend Marcia briefly at their wedding.  “What sort of event is this?”

Amanda laughed, caught between once again explaining a thoroughly illogical Human custom and feeling a bit embarrassed about this particular one as it related to herself.  “It’s a… celebration, for either a bride- or a groom-to-be, hosted by their close friends.  Traditionally, it’s held the night before the wedding, although that is often no longer the case for a variety of reasons.”  _Massive hangovers, for one,_ she thought, but decided to leave that out of her description to Sarek.  She continued, “It was considered to be one last chance to behave wildly, to ‘sow one’s wild oats,’ as it were, and originally, it was something only done for grooms.   Now it’s just another excuse for a rambunctious party.”  Her smile broadened, recalling the friends she’d seen for only a brief time at their wedding and looking forward to spending a fun, if silly, evening with them.

Sarek was still looking at her, but she could see a cloud of confusion forming in his eyes.

By way of explanation, she added, “My friends are asking me to give them a suitable date for the party.  They want to hold it in a private club, closed for just this event.”

Sarek paused for a moment, then stated, as if for clarification, “You say this… activity is performed prior to the wedding.”

“Yes…?”

“Then there is no need for it to be scheduled.”

“Oh, Sarek, it doesn’t _have_ to happen before the wedding.  That’s just how it originated, ages ago.”

“But we are already bonded, married.”

“Yes, of course, but I can still have a party with my friends.”

“No.”  Sarek’s voice was firm.

“What?”   Amanda was sure she misheard.

“You will not,” he replied, as if he were stating the obvious.

_“What?”_ Amanda’s voice rose in a combination of surprise and disbelief.  She took a deep breath.  They were sitting in the _Surak’s_ open common area with crew about, and she had no wish to draw attention to their discussion, but –

“To repeat--  ” Sarek began, wondering if his Human wife was actually suffering from some sudden hearing impairment, but Amanda cut him off before he could continue.

“I heard you!” she hissed.  “Just what do you mean I ‘will not’ have a party with _my_ friends?” she challenged.

“It is inappropriate.”  _Surely this is obvious?_  He thought.

“‘Inappropriate?’ Why?” Amanda found her anger rising as her calm rapidly dissolved, a cold fear abruptly gripping her stomach.  _Did my husband just forbid me from having a celebration with my own friends?  Forbid a celebration of my wedding, of all things?  Just who does he think— Just what does he think?_  She stared at Sarek, wondering who was sitting across from her.  This was a complete and unforeseen change from all she knew about how he regarded her.

Sarek straightened, himself concerned.  _Could Amanda actually wish to engage in such behavior as she described?_ He had read of occasions such as these and the comportment of the participants did indeed seem both quite archaic and unacceptable.  To hear his bondmate speak of doing such nowwas unnerving.  He addressed her stiffly.  “You describe this event as a last opportunity to ‘sow one’s wild oat’s.’  I am familiar with this Human idiom.  It implies improper behavior, does it not, including intimate behavior, specifically outside of bonding?”  He paused for a moment, re-gathering his control.  “Is this something that you… wish to do?”

Amanda was dumbfounded.  “Wha-- ? Oh no, no, no, Sarek!” she exclaimed.  Now there were Vulcan eyes staring at them, before discretely looking away.  Amanda fought between relief that Sarek had mis-understood the party’s modern, harmless interpretation and hurt that he would think that she would be unfaithful in even the smallest way.  She had neither the need nor the desire to ogle male strippers or the like, and even less inclination to consider anything more.

“That kind of thing,” she said as she blew out a breath, exasperated, “is just not done anymore.  My friends just want to have a little fun.”  Then the hurt did come through.  “I can’t believe you would think that of me.”

Sarek worked to quell his growing irritation.  First his wife describes a Human custom comprised of behavior he found repellant – behavior he had thought she would eschew as well, but then her words appeared to cast doubt on this assumption, a disturbing development.  And now she was reacting with anger when asked to clarify her intent.  _Disturbing and confusing_. 

“Perhaps,” he stated slowly, “We have mistaken each other somewhat.  However, participation in a ‘rambunctious party,’ as you describe, is still most likely inappropriate for an Ambassador’s wife.”

Amanda prepared to take a relieved breath when Sarek began to speak, only to clamp her mouth quickly shut at his conclusion.  Her anger flared, the tension of a week of holding herself from appearing too Human in front of potentially judging Vulcan eyes adding weight to the avalanche of hurt she felt.

“I can’t believe I’m hearing this. ‘Rambunctious’ in this context simply means friends enjoying one another.  I’m sure the usual substances will get consumed, sure, but not much more than what I’ve seen at diplomatic events _you’ve_ attended.  I’ve just assured you that there won’t be any… ‘intimate activity’ at this get-together, and you still don’t trust me to simply join some friends for the evening.  Sarek, I am not some sort of irresponsible child to be ordered around this way!” 

Seeing her eyes flash in hurt and anger and seeking to calm his own rattled control, it was now Sarek who took a deep breath.  “I do not consider you a child, Amanda,” he began, “but I must consider the context of your activities in my position, from the perspective of Vulcan.”

“So you care little for what my people may think of you at times, but my actions must be dictated by what Vulcans might mistakenly think of me?”  Her retort came low and dangerous now.

“You misconstrue my meaning,” he returned, frowning.

“Do I?” she challenged again.

Sarek blinked slowly.  Not since well before their bonding had she directed this much anger toward him, and he was dismayed by the apparently large gap in their understanding of the situation at hand.  Vulcan propriety, and in particular, the need for security, were foremost in his mind, yet Amanda seemed to have dismissed all of this.  He considered, refusing to react to the charged emotion between them.  _Perhaps I can achieve my objectives without constraining her activity so._

He met her angry eyes, confident he had identified a satisfactory compromise for the time being.  “Perhaps I can consider an alternative approach that will allow you to celebrate with your friends.” 

He did not receive the reaction he was expecting.

_Oh, really?_   Amanda thought, thoroughly fed up with his peremptory attitude.  Without thinking further, she snapped, “You can consider all you want.  I’ll tell you how the party was afterward.” She turned sharply back to her PADD, as if to respond to Marcia’s invitation right then.

Sarek’s expression closed abruptly, showing nothing.  But not only was he surprised by her rebuff, he was shocked that she would so openly disregard him.  _She is my wife; this is most improper.  And what if she fails to heed a directive necessary for her safety?_   _Most disturbing_.  He did not trust himself to respond at that moment.  _This requires additional thought._

“I shall meditate.  You will excuse me,” he said in Vulcan, his words clipped.  He arose and strode briskly from the common area before Amanda had a chance to speak.   The remaining crew who had not already departed now bent their heads assiduously to their tasks.

Instead, she sat blinking back tears, well aware that the Vulcans within earshot had heard their entire exchange, and that they all spoke fluent Standard.  Not an exchange, an argument, she realized, and the first one they hadn’t immediately resolved.  _How did we misinterpret one another so?_ The tears stung.

Amanda was nothing if not determined, however, and she was resolved not to leave things this way between them.  A couple of deep breaths later, she arose and walked as calmly as possible in the direction of their cabin.

Immediately when the door slid open a thick, fragrant cloud of incense smoke assaulted her.  _He’s burning the expensive stuff_ , she thought, _and a lot of it_.  He apparently hadn’t expected her to return so soon, for he’d laid his meditation mat out right in the middle of the living area.  That was where he was now, bent forward in the traditional contemplation pose.  His side of the bond closed off to her, she wasn’t sure if this was merely due to his meditation or if he was that perturbed at her.

Amanda paused for a moment, considering.  She knew she shouldn’t interrupt him, but neither did she wish to wait for hours to try to reach him.  _He couldn’t be that deep in trance already_ …

She knelt in front of him, silent, but knowing he would recognize her presence sooner or later.   Sure enough, after a few moments, his eyes opened and he raised his dark head.

“Sarek,” she said quietly.

“My wife,” came his reply.  His eyes unreadable, he would not yield any hint of his thoughts as he studied her.

“I love you.”

An elegant eyebrow raised, he remained silent for a long moment before answering, “Indeed.”

Amanda willed herself not to give in to frustration.  Fence-mending with a Vulcan husband was more difficult than it seemed.  ‘I’m sorry for hurting your feelings’ just wasn’t the right thing to say.  Besides, she wasn’t the only one at fault.

“We’re both stubborn, you know.”

“‘Strong-willed’ is more accurate.”

“We have very different histories.”

He gave her an expression as if to indicate, ‘tell me something I don’t know.’

She plunged in.  “Sarek, when you said those things about the party my friends want to throw – about whether I could go – they made me afraid about what kind of marriage we’ll have, about how you think about me.  I thought that we were equals, not that you make my decisions for me.  What _do_ you think?”

Sarek blinked, then responded.  “We are equals, Amanda.  Our _katras_ are equal.  However, in a Vulcan marriage, it is the male’s responsibility to ensure the safety of his bond-mate, and to provide for her and their offspring.  In modern times, this duty is merely symbolic, but it is nonetheless observed.  And I find…” now his voice became raspier as he worked to mask the emotion underlying it, “that in my occupation, in _our_ lives, this responsibility is far more literal.  I must keep you safe.”

“But how does a silly party,” she fought to keep her own voice level, “threaten my safety?”  Amanda implored.

Sarek stared into the space above her head.  “Such things are not done on Vulcan.  For you to attend unaccompanied, the unsecured location, the… uncertain nature of the activities, the potential behavior of others…” He trailed off, unwilling and unable to fully articulate the level of vulnerability he felt over her.  “To not take proper precautions would be most disrespectful of me toward you,” he finished, returning his gaze to her.  “I will not allow that.”

Amanda sat back on her heels, considering.  “I understand you, I think – well, sort of.  Not entirely.”  She looked at him, eyes wide and searching his.  “But I need to live as a Human, too.  How can we acknowledge both of our needs?”

“It appears we will need to compromise,” Sarek allowed after a moment.

Amanda’s heart lifted at his words, even though she didn’t yet know what he had in mind.  _Perhaps we can work through this…_

“So, how do we negotiate this… Ambassador?”  Her eyes twinkled hopefully, and Sarek was struck again by how beautiful she was, how innocent, his fragile, utterly Human wife.  _I must keep her safe, but I must also provide for her happiness – a challenging balance, at times…_

“If I were satisfied with the security arrangements surrounding this event, I could perhaps… see the logic… of you attending,” he offered, wondering even as he spoke if he had not grievously erred by capitulating this much.

Before he could think further, however, he was nearly knocked over as Amanda enthusiastically flung her arms around his neck, peppering his cheek with kisses, relieved that they had reached an agreement.  “Oh, I love you, my husband!”   She pulled back slightly to look at him.  “And if you send undercover security, I don’t want to know about it,” she told him, only partly joking.

“I cherish thee, Amanda,” he replied, bringing his arms up around her and ignoring her last comment as he silently cataloged the security measures he would put in place. 

Later that night, Sarek held her even closer to him while they both slept.

 


	11. A new home

## A new home

 

They arrived back at the embassy late at night, San Francisco time.  Amanda was not surprised this time when Sarek had them beamed down from the _Surak_ into the embassy's front courtyard, where he'd again swept her up and carried her over the threshold of the main entrance.  He had had the sentries on duty at the time carry in their belongings ahead of them, so that the brief moment remained private.  No one saw the ambassador’s Human bondmate scandalously stroke his ears with her fingers as she pulled his head down for a kiss.  And if he returned the Human gesture, no one observed that, either.

When they arrived in the residence wing, he led her to his door. "Tomorrow, you shall move your things here," he informed her.

Amanda thought about objecting to his assumption that she would move into his abode, if only on principle, but decided against it.  The ambassador's apartments were more spacious than hers.  Instead she teased him, "Oh, really.  You think so?"

Fortunately, he could sense her mood.  "Yes," he replied with certainty as he picked her up yet again and carried her inside.  Amanda laughed, happy to be at home.

ooo

The next day when Amanda finally had time to think about moving in, she surveyed Sarek’s living space.   And realized that it was very, very neat.  In the months Amanda had known Sarek, she had peripherally noticed the orderliness that pervaded his surroundings, much as his calmness and control pervaded his persona.  He achieved this order casually and almost unconsciously – it almost seemed that things managed to find their proper places of their own accord around him. 

It was completely not the way the universe functioned in her presence.

His apartment was very sparsely but elegantly appointed, and his belongings efficiently arranged.  Even the contents of the few drawers she peeked into were clearly and logically organized.

This certainly wasn’t a surprising discovery, by any stretch, but the realization became somewhat more daunting when she contemplated combining their belongings – and the habits that went with them.  Her stacks of books, piles of shoes, laundry to be put away, work notes…  She wasn’t messy, exactly, just… busy…

To her mind a drawer was a place to shove things precisely so they didn’t have to be organized. Combining their possessions and their lives was no doubt going to be interesting.

In the meantime, she had a good deal of work to do.  Since her new office at Berkeley was not yet ready, she decided to use Sarek’s desk in their apartment for today.

ooo

The day had been a long one for Sarek.  Returning to the embassy after a two-week absence, he was not surprised to find numerous issues demanding his attention.  The frenetic schedule afforded him little time to consider his new personal situation, and by the day’s conclusion, he took a necessary pause to meditate.

Finally emerging from the contemplative trance, thoughts that he had forbidden himself all day flooded in.  He thought of his wife.  He had not seen her in many hours.  But he would see her soon, very soon.  His thought was accompanied by a surge in anticipation, one that only intensified as he considered that he finally had her in his home -- such as it was, here on Earth for now, but _his_ home nevertheless.  His mate.  _She is mine_.

He felt the emotion, and automatically sought to control it as he began what was by now becoming a familiar journey.  He was only successful in suppressing it, but could not extinguish it, the anticipation.  It happened every time he was away from her, and in the short time of their bonding and marriage he had amassed a dauntingly large set of data points confirming the fact.  The journey’s route was always different, but the end-point unerringly the same. 

He finally reached his destination -- and there she was, just returning to his quarters – _their_ quarters – as he was.  It was as though his logical mind had resigned itself to the surge of emotion that accompanied the sight of his wife; he could not rid himself of it.  He could not logically analyze it away, could not repress it, but could only control its outward expression.

And as he met Amanda’s eyes, he knew she could feel it through their bond.  Almost shyly he approached her, first offering the _oz_ _’_ _hesta_ and as their fingers touched and their thoughts flowed together, he slowly lowered his forehead to hers.  // _Never parted.//_

He felt her answering welcome, her calm acceptance of him.  _//I love you.//_

Once inside the privacy of the apartment, they spent a few quiet minutes just greeting one another, thoughts intertwined.

He wondered as he had many times before if, as a Human, she needed to hear the words in her language of his devotion, if thought were not enough.

He felt her smile in his mind.  _//I don_ _’_ _t need words, my husband.//_

His mouth enveloped hers in a fiery kiss, grateful.

ooo

Later that evening when they returned from dinner, Sarek turned to his wife in the entryway.  “I will join you in a moment, _Aduna_.  There is one communication I must send.”  With that, he turned toward his desk in the living area – and stopped.

His perfectly ordered, sparsely appointed desk was gone, its pristine surface replaced by one completely covered with PADDs, documents, a coffee mug, several scattered styli, and a tall, teetering stack of old-fashioned paper books.

He turned back toward Amanda.  “My wife…?”

Amanda had just kicked off her shoes in the entryway.  Abandoning her intention to hang up her wrap when she heard him call, she dropped it on a chair instead. 

“What is it, Sarek?”

She stepped into the living area to see him staring silently at the desk.  It took her a moment to realize the problem.

“Oh, your desk.  I brought a few books up from storage.”

 _A few?_  He thought, wondering how many more remained.

“And I had to get some things done for work.  I’ll move most of this out of here when my office at Berkeley is ready.   And then I thought perhaps we could share a desk at home,” she finished, as if this were a perfectly reasonable idea.

Sarek succeeded in keeping his brows from shooting upward at her proposal, but Amanda did notice his eyes widen ever so slightly – a rather flagrant display for him.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she added.  “I should’ve cleaned up.”  With that she scooped the stack of books off the desk and plopped them next to a similar pile on the floor.  “I’ll figure out where to put these later.”  Then she quickly pushed the PADDs and papers together into a pile off to one side of the desk.  “There,” she said, looking at him expectantly.

Her new spouse was silent, uncharacteristically looking as if he were searching for what to say.

“On second thought,” Amanda amended, considering him, “maybe I’ll set up a home office across the way.”  The suite that had been hers before their wedding _would_ make a nice office.  And she didn’t like seeing Sarek speechless.

Sarek recovered.  “It is… all right, _Aduna_ ,” he told her, using the Human phrase.  He realized that he had previously observed this level of order, or lack thereof, in her embassy office – he had simply noticed the office’s occupant more so.  “It would seem we have discovered a new and unique application of _kol-ut-shan_ (IDIC) in the combination of our belongings.” 

He glanced from the desk to her, and she could swear he looked amused.

 


	12. Seeing Green and Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Some of you might recognize the beginning of this chapter if you've read the one-shot, "Dressed and Undressed." Rest assured, though, this chapter takes the story further!

## Seeing green and red

 

 She was wearing a short skirt and a shimmery top, brightly colored tights covering her legs.  Sarek was… perturbed.  He had certainly seen more exotic or revealing female dress in his travels and even here on Earth, but he could not deny the effect of what he saw.

“You are wearing that… ensemble to the event hosted by your friends?” he inquired, taking care to ensure that his tone remained neutral.

“This _is_ what one wears to a club, after all, Sarek,” Amanda said lightly.  When he did not respond, she turned toward him.  “What’s wrong?”

He took a breath.  “You attire is not entirely in keeping with your role as wife of the Vulcan Ambassador, Amanda.”

Amanda blinked. “What?”

“Your attire is—”

“I _heard_ you,” she cut him off, exasperated. 

Now it was his turn to be puzzled.  “Then why did you ask--?”

“Sarek, I’m meeting some friends in a,” she searched for a description, “a place for recreation, parties.  And it’s been closed for just this function tonight, so it’s not as if I’ll be cavorting in public.”  She tried, and failed, to keep from rolling her eyes.  “Anyway, for me to show up in something more… formal… just wouldn’t be right.”

He regarded her with a look that she was sure indicated skepticism.  “Besides,” she added, “this isn’t all that different from other things you’ve seen me wear.”

_Yes, I am well aware_.  Sarek’s mind quickly thought back to the very first time he had seen Amanda – Dr. Grayson – in what she would describe as “party attire.”

_December, 2228_

_It had been mid-December.   He had just been reflecting on a particularly interesting conversation he had had with her about similarities and differences in humanoid seasonal celebratory rituals, when suddenly she had appeared with a group of colleagues.  They appeared to be leaving the embassy as a group when his eyes caught hers and she stopped to greet him.   She and her co-workers were on their way to the Federation Linguistics Association’s holiday party, she informed him – (Sarek had wondered why the Federation’s linguists had a need to celebrate Terran winter holidays) – and that was the reason for the group’s “festive” attire, as she had called it._

_He hadn’t noticed the others’ dress, but he did notice hers.  She wore a pair of slim dark trousers and a matching short jacket – these were not unusual – but covering her midriff underneath the jacket was a bright red top in a soft fabric trimmed along the top with a white, fur-like material.  The top appeared to leave her shoulders quite bare.  He could not verify this fact because of the presence of the jacket, although he was… curious._

_Noticing his gaze, she indicated her clothes and the bright red, pointed hat she was holding.  “I’m supposed to be one of Santa’s el— er, never mind.  It’s for the party.”  She blushed then, and Sarek watched with fascination as pink color suffused her face._

_Before he could engage her further, her colleagues drew her attention away.  “Yes, I’m coming with you!” she had called after them, laughing, before turning back to him apologetically.  “I’m sorry I have to go, Sarek.  Perhaps lunch tomorrow?”_

_As he watched her leave, he was struck with the impression that he was missing something important.  The lunches and educational outings they shared were enlightening and, he even dared to admit, quite pleasant, but he found he desired more.  What would it be like to attend one of these Human celebrations with her?  While he was still wondering precisely why he desired this, his mind quickly supplied him with a means to address his curiosity.  He was to attend the Earth Embassy’s New Year’s celebration in a few weeks’ time; he would invite Amanda as his guest._

_When the date for the event arrived, he found he was further confounded by Amanda’s dress.  She met him in a short dress (very short, he thought) that left her legs exposed.  The effect was quite distracting, and the style of dress a sufficient departure from what she usually wore that he ventured to inquire about it (without, of course, revealing its disturbing effect on him)._

_“Your attire is different this evening, Amanda.”_

_“Why, yes, this is, well, a cocktail dress. The invitation did specify ‘cocktail dress,’ am I right?”_

Why has her face flushed pink at this moment? _“Indeed.  However, I do not fully comprehend.  In my experience, my usual diplomatic garb has been considered appropriate.   Is there some particular type of garment Humans utilize to consume alcoholic beverages?”_ And how do bare or nearly bare female legs assist in this stated purpose of consuming “cocktails”?

_Amanda laughed.  “No, but I can see how you might get that impression.  It’s just an expression to indicate a certain style of dress.  But,” she added, looking him over, “your attire is definitely appropriate.”  She had smiled warmly at him then, and he had felt an illogical stab of pleasure – why should he be pleased that she approved?_

_He continued to notice unusual things once they arrived at the event.   He noted other females wearing a similar style of clothing as his guest but they did not have the same effect on him.  Indeed, only his colleague’s choice of attire seemed to be causing this problem.  Only Dr. Grayson… Amanda.  He noticed how her dress moved on her body while she danced— with others.  He also noticed Ambassador Singh noticing her, and he definitely noticed his own reaction to that._

_His thoughts surprised him; they bordered on the improper.  Reminding himself again that physical stimuli simply needed to be controlled, he was able to push the distracting thoughts aside, due to the strength of his control and to the fact that he was finally able to obtain some time alone with her out on the patio -- for conversation, of course.   That is, until midnight struck and they were surrounded by Human couples kissing and his thoughts wandered again…_

_He had meditated for an extra long time that night._

_In spite of the unexpected challenges the evening had presented, Sarek decided to invite Amanda to additional diplomatic events.  There were many logical reasons for doing so._

_Before the next, she had asked him about the requisite dress again.  “Cocktail or formal?”  At his quizzical expression, she explained that “formal” usually indicated floor length dresses for women.  He had responded, “floor length” quickly, thinking that he would successfully avoid the unwelcome stimuli that had resulted from her previous choice of apparel._

_On the evening of the second appointed event Sarek discovered that he had again miscalculated with respect to Dr. Grayson’s appearance.  Her outfit did indeed extend to the floor, but to his dismay, when she removed her short coat, her shoulders were completely bare._

_The entire dress stopped just above her breasts, suspended there somehow, exposing her shoulders, neck, and upper back.  The technology to accomplish this was surely not particularly advanced, but he found himself musing on its likely workings and potential failure points as if it were a component to a new warp drive engine.  (He had even started to calculate its risk of failure before he stopped himself).  The dress drew his attention to those bared parts of her, and to the slender, elegant (and_ curved _) column that was her body.  He attempted to avert his gaze from her bare skin only to discover instead the effect the dress had on her hips…_

_And yet, when he observed the effect of similar garments worn by others, it was clear again that it was only Amanda he noticed in this way._ Curious _.  The experience was unexpectedly… pleasurable.  Finally, unable to divert his attention, he accepted the logic of acknowledging that which was.  It couldn’t be so illogical to appreciate what he saw, purely from an aesthetic point of view, of course.  It was nothing that more meditation wouldn’t address._

That had been eleven point four two months ago.  Now, observing his wife, Sarek had no problem appreciating her beauty.  However, taking in her alluring form, he could not believe that all the males on this world could be so unobservant as not to notice her as he did.  He did not like that idea at all.

“Sarek?” Amanda was peering at him, a slight frown marring her forehead.  “Are you… _bothered_ by what I’m wearing?”

“To be ‘bothered’ implies a Human emotion, Amanda.  I am merely thinking of your comfort and safety.  I would not wish you to be harassed.”

Amanda’s eyes narrowed slightly in that way they did when she was about to make some uncomfortably perceptive observation about him.  “I see,” she murmured.

Just as he thought he would escape from a too-telling assessment, she asked, “Have you always had this… concern, my husband?”

Sarek knew the answer to her question was, in fact, a resounding yes, but he was also aware that the expression of such possessiveness by a male for his mate was offensive to most Humans.  _Another incomprehensible fact._   Nonetheless, he did not wish to upset his wife.

“‘Always’ is an imprecise term, my wife.  I believe,” he added, diplomatically changing the subject, “that it is time for your celebration to begin.  What did you call it?” 

“A belated bachelorette party,” Amanda supplied with a smile as they began walking down to the flitter that would take her there.

_At least the name suggests there will only be females in attendance,_ he thought.

“I won’t be late,” she offered, sensing his disquiet once again.

“Indeed, I shall await your return.”

“Sure you don’t want to stop by – for just one dance?”

He drew back, perturbed enough again to let it show.  “You will be dancing?”

“Just with my girlfriends, silly.  Since you won’t be there.” Amanda gave him a pout.

Sarek allowed one corner of his mouth to upturn just slightly as he brushed her fingers with two of his.  “I will dance with you, later…” he murmured, his voice low, as he watched her blush again.

She was his.  And he was hers.  He knew she knew that.  He intensified their contact through the _oz’hesta_ further and silently relaxed into the comfort, the _rightness_ , of the touch of their minds.   He could give her these few hours – or so he hoped.

“I love you,” she whispered.  She squeezed his fingers affectionately, then slipped into the flitter.   He nodded gravely, his outward presence impassive as always.

His perfect time sense began painfully counting the seconds until she returned.

ooo

One hour, fifty-nine point three four minutes later, Sarek decided it was logical to check on his wife.  He had returned to his office to work after her departure, but his productivity was not up to its usual norm.  In addition, even though he had arranged for extensive security at the event, the venue was unfamiliar and he wished to ascertain the sufficiency of his arrangements for himself.  It was only logical; it was his duty to protect his mate.  And he had been extended an invitation.  He had demurred, on the grounds that, having decided that the event was acceptable (or at least tolerable), he would uphold the tradition surrounding it and allow his wife to attend alone.  He was now reconsidering that decision.  She had, after all, suggested that he “stop by.”  Donning a long outer robe to accommodate San Francisco’s chilly air, he departed.

He knew the location of the “club,” as Amanda had called it, for he had dispatched several members of his security team there.  Noting with satisfaction that they were present but unobtrusive, he entered the establishment. 

The Human at the door looked startled and glanced at his colleagues nervously when he recognized the Vulcan ambassador.  After making a half-hearted attempt to check the guest list, he gave up, concluding that it didn’t matter whether the ambassador was on his own admittance list or not.  “Uh, good evening, Sir,” he mumbled as he waved the diplomat inside.

Sarek merely nodded, intent on reaching Amanda.  He had been able to feel the vibrations of the pulsing music from some distance away and now he could hear it clearly, indicating that it was quite loud.  He passed through the supposedly sound-proof doors and took in the environment within.

The interior of the club was quite dim, save for the lighted space on what must have been the dance floor.  There, flashing and twirling lights cut through fog-like smoke that was especially thick near the floor.  Sarek sniffed – carbon dioxide, apparently sublimating from somewhere.  A decorative effect, he surmised.

His attention drawn to the dance floor again, he observed a number of humanoids, mostly Human, gyrating to the music in pairs, small groups, or individually.  With concern, he noted several males in attendance.  The mode of dance in practice involved highly suggestive maneuvers and frequent close contact amongst those who were dancing together.  He had seen this type of dance before, had accepted this as a Human custom, and had even seen Amanda dance in this way.  That was before they were bonded, however.  Now he found the same behavior disquieting. 

He scanned the dance floor further, and spied a vision.  She was off to the side, dancing by herself for the moment. While Sarek noted with approval that Amanda was one of the more conservatively dressed individuals present (even given his own reservations about her attire), she was nevertheless still the most aesthetically agreeable female in the building.  Her eyes closed, she appeared to be completely lost in the music, her movements graceful, sensuous.  Not for the first time, he thought, _She is beautiful_.

Struck by this, Sarek wondered what it would be like to experience this kind of dance with Amanda.  Certainly not in public, of course, and perhaps with the music at a lower volume.  He concluded negatively.  In his opinion, engaging in merely suggestive behavior was illogical when they could interact more directly.   And what he interpreted to be the social aspect of this activity was out of the question:  even if he could justify behavior unacceptable by Vulcan standards, he also had his position as ambassador to consider.  “Clubbing” was simply not an option for him, even if he were inclined toward it, which he was not.  Watching Amanda dance, however, so clearly absorbed, he also wondered momentarily if he was right to take her away from such aspects of her culture that seemed to be important to her.

At that moment, Amanda looked up and saw him there on the steps.  She caught her breath.  Sarek always cut a handsome figure, but seeing him moving gracefully toward her through the dry ice fog, his long, dark robe flowing behind him, he was an arresting image indeed. 

His eyes caught hers, and through the bond he released just a small measure of the heady affection and want that he felt for her.  Her smile widened, and she bit her lip.  He was almost at the dance floor…

His focus on his wife was abruptly interrupted as an unknown female, rather questionably dressed and clearly inebriated, burst from the other side of the floor and essentially assaulted Amanda.

“Amanda! ’Manda!  We have to dance!  My God, you’re about to be a married woman!”  The unknown female flung her arms around Amanda’s neck, alarming Sarek as she spun Amanda around and nearly off her feet.

Amanda was less perturbed, fortunately.  Laughing, she caught the other woman to keep them both upright.  “Carla, I’m _already_ married, but it’s okay; I’ll still dance with you. Wait a minute, though.”

Sarek recoiled inwardly at the uninvited touch on his _aduna_.  Meanwhile, Amanda was smiling and gesturing between him and the female.

“Carla, this is my husband, Sarek of Vulcan,” she said, guessing he would prefer a more formal introduction.  “Sarek, Carla Gutierrez is a dear friend of mine from graduate school, now a professor at the University of New Texas on Mars.”

Sarek nodded briefly, impassive, but before he or Amanda could utter a word, Carla guffawed, “Well, no shit he’s from Vulcan, Amanda!  Are you just figuring this out?!”  Carla laughed loudly at her own joke, then gestured wildly toward the group nearby.  “Hey y’all, look who’s here!” 

The announcement drew rowdy calls and waves of greeting from the other guests, and several moved to approach.  It was evident that a number of them were in a similar state of inebriation as Carla.

Sarek wondered momentarily how such a being could hold a position of academic rigor.   His attention was roughly pulled back to reality, however, when he heard a cry of “Amanda!” from another direction and saw a Human male with Asian features descend upon his wife.  He watched with inward horror as the man grasped Amanda by the shoulders and then proceeded to _kiss_ her on both cheeks.

“Tim!” Amanda cried, in obvious pleasure, much to Sarek’s further discomfort.  “What a surprise – I didn’t think you could make it!”

“Nonsense, Babe, I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” Tim assured her.  “And you have to meet Liam,” he said proudly, grabbing her two hands to squeeze them in his own.  _Her hands_ – _in his._

_Kroykah!_

Amanda’s response died in her throat as she felt a sudden, almost blinding rush of heat and anger that left her stunned.  There was only one possible source.  _He’s jealous?!_

She blinked, steadying herself before stammering, “That’s, that’s wonderful, Tim.  I’ll be over in a minute…”  She turned her surprised attention to Sarek, but not before Tim called out, “You owe me a dance, Babe!”

Her husband stood like a stone pillar as she touched her two fingers to his. 

Sarek controlled his reaction to what had just occurred with an iron will.  No one on the outside could detect his Vulcan outrage at the intimacy visited by another on his bondmate, although Amanda could.  He had initially been less than sanguine about this event, had conceded to it at Amanda’s pleading, and now it seemed that his initial concerns had been correct.  It was quite evident that this place was not secure for her.

Amanda looked up into his unreadable eyes.  _//Sarek, he’s just a friend. He has his own mate, another man.  He was just saying hello.//_

_//Irrelevant.  He should not be touching you in those ways,//_ came Sarek’s stiff and stubborn reply.  He remained unconvinced that this male did not have designs on his wife.

Amanda sighed in frustration and reflexively gripped his fingers more tightly.  _//He just got engaged, Sarek, to that man, over there.  He’s not interested in me.//_  She gestured toward Tim and another Human with her eyes.  _//Surely homosexuality exists among Vulcans, too?//_

Sarek’s eyes returned to hers, still expressionless.  _//Indeed.  Nevertheless, all observe the same decorum,//_ he projected pointedly.

_//Honestly, Sarek…//_

Before she could finish her thought, another concern occurred to him.  _//And what, then, shall I expect of your female acquaintances?//_

Exasperation flashed in Amanda’s eyes.  _//Yes, Sarek, some of my friends are lesbians.  But I trust my friends.  We’re all decent people -- and I’m married to you.  Will you just relax?  You’re supposed to be so logical!//  _She couldn’t help but wonder, _Did he come here to be with me or did he just want to check up on me?_

Sarek’s eyes briefly scanned the group of Amanda’s friends, who were now hanging back a bit awkwardly due to the obviously intense, if wordless, exchange going on between the pair.  That was perfectly satisfactory, in his opinion.

_//Very well, my wife.  Let us depart.//_

Amanda was surprised again.  _//What?//_

_//It is time for us to return to the embassy.//_

_//You go ahead, Adun.  I can’t leave so soon; there are still some friends I haven’t said hello to yet.//_

_//Amanda, you will accompany me.//_

Amanda’s frustration rose.  _Surely he knows how rude that would be?_ Her mind voice was firm.  _//Husband, please understand.  My friends organized this event for me, and went to a great deal of trouble to do so.  I can’t – I won’t – leave so early.  It would be insulting to people I care about.  And it’s unnecessary.// _

Sarek was stunned.  She was refusing him?  That she would choose others over him…

At that moment, the music that had been pulsing loudly in the background changed to a new track, and Carla, impatient and still drunk, rushed back over and grabbed Amanda’s arm.  “C’mon, Amanda!  We _have_ to dance this one!” she cried.

Sarek’s body didn’t move but his head snapped around to Carla, catching the unlucky partygoer in a Vulcan-fierce glare.  Even to her intoxicated perception, it was perfectly clear that her presence was extremely unwelcome.  Her eyes wide, Carla mumbled, “Er, mebbe later, ’K?” and she swayed backward toward the group.

Now Amanda was furious.  //Sarek, that’s enough!// 

//You are mine.//

The sting of what those words could mean was too much.  _How can you say that to me?_   “I’m not your property!” Amanda exclaimed as she yanked her fingers away from his, whirling from him.  The sudden disconnection caused a painful jolt in Sarek’s core.

Amanda took several deep breaths.  This whole situation was unreal.  She couldn’t imagine making a scene like this in front of friends, and she certainly didn’t want to be fighting with Sarek.   _And all of this at a party supposedly celebrating our marriage!_

Sarek grappled for calm himself.  _She is my wife; she should defer to me in these matters._   Reasserting control, he asked her, his voice pitched low but with obvious disbelief, “Do human males not behave similarly in these situations?”

Amanda shook her head vehemently.  “No!  Not normally, anyway, and not so…” she searched in vain for the right word, “…blatantly,” she finished regretfully as his brows flew up.  “It’s considered a… disorder,” she added quietly.  “The expression of such possessiveness for another is offensive among most Humans.  You know that.”

Sarek could not comprehend not defending one’s mate, however.  “I do not understand such attitudes,” he said shortly. 

“You don’t need to understand it; you just need to be diplomatic about it,” Amanda muttered in annoyance.

_Enough_.  Sarek drew himself up.  “My wife, attend.”  He extended his two fingers again.

He was shocked to see her draw back from his hand, considering.  _She has no idea what her behavior means,_ he thought as he struggled to suppress the images of _kal-i-fee_ in his mind.  Fortunately, she just as quickly reached her own, separate conclusion and, albeit reluctantly, met his fingers with hers. 

Her conflicting emotions flooded through their touch.  She was hurt, upset with him and for him, and wanting very much to make things right between them, yet also concerned with what she perceived were obligations to her friends and inappropriate behavior on his part.

Sarek never retreated, and yet something told him now he needed to take a different tack in this confrontation with Amanda.   _She does not understand_ , he repeated to himself.  Disciplining himself to calm, and sending her some of the same, he met her gaze.  “Very well, _Aduna_.  I shall accede to your wishes at this time.  I trust you will return to the embassy safely.” 

With that he turned and silently departed the way he had come.  It was not outwardly evident, but walking away was incredibly difficult.   All of his instincts and sensibilities were telling him this was the wrong thing to do.  He should protect his mate.  He certainly should not leave her alone in such an unruly, unpredictable environment.  And yet here he was, doing exactly that.

He returned toward the embassy.  And redoubled the security detail guarding his very Human wife.

ooo

When Sarek departed he did not see Amanda’s eyes widen in surprise.  Nor did he turn back when he heard the voices of her friends rise up to chatter at her as he left.

_“Ho-ly shit!”_

_“Honey, that man really needs to tone it down.”_

_“Is that what he’s really like, Amanda?”_

The door closed behind him, and the city’s chill air enveloped him. 

Back inside the club, the conversation continued.

Amanda’s close friend Marcia, maid of honor at their wedding, pitched her voice low in concern, her Anangu accent becoming more pronounced as she spoke up to her friend.  “Do you know he had background checks done on all of us mates, Amanda?  And it was his way or the highway – if we didn’t comply with all of the embassy’s requirements, that was it for the whole shebang.”

Amanda closed her eyes for a moment.  Marcia had met Sarek, had chatted with him fairly extensively at their wedding, and had seemed quite charmed by him.  If even she was put off by his behavior, there was no telling how he had impressed her other friends.  _Not that I’ve ever cared that much for appearances.  But I don’t want to have to choose between my husband and my friends_.

“He can be… a little heavy-handed, at times,” she acknowledged to Marcia.

Marcia rolled her eyes.  “You think?”  The Australian continued, “Are you sure about this, darlin’?  I know you think he’s a good bloke.  You haven’t gotten into somethin’ you can’t handle, have you?”

Amanda sighed.  “He’s a Vulcan, Marcia.  Some of their ways are… different from ours.  Believe it or not, we’re _both_ adjusting.”  Her eyes softened, thinking of the confusion she had seen in Sarek’s eyes before he left.  _He does express devotion differently…_

Her old friend scrutinized her for a moment, sharp-eyed.  “You’re a tough _kunga,_ my sister.  Don’t let him humbug you.  And if he does go poison on you, you be sure to tell him so – and get the hell _out_.”  Then she smiled, and raised her voice.  “She’ll be all right – we know Amanda’ll see to that.  Poor bloke just doesn’t know what he’s missing here!”

That brought laughs from the group and in moments the merriment had picked up from where it left off.  Amanda, though, wanted to be at home.  It wasn’t long after, satisfied her friends would continue to have a good time in her absence, that she bade her farewells and thank-you’s and was making her way back to the embassy.

She decided to walk, to give herself more time to think, and wasn’t at all surprised when three embassy security personnel silently fell into step around her.  She decided to shrug it off, reminding herself, _he expresses devotion differently – even if I find it a little…disturbing at times_.

“Going this way?” she asked the guards lightly.  One merely nodded gravely.

Seeing the profile of the embassy a few blocks away, Amanda was reminded of another time she had approached it in the face of change and uncertainty.

ooo

_July, 2229_

_They returned to the embassy in the still quiet of early morning, tendrils of fog still clinging on the city streets.  Walking together was the same as it had been when they had walked to innumerable destinations, or had simply walked and talked, as friends; it was the same, and yet profoundly different.  Amanda now felt Sarek’s subtle presence in her mind, just as he could sense hers._

_They entered his private apartment and passed through the living area, this room at once familiar yet in the morning light so different from her last visit here, when she had given Sarek his “dance lesson.”  They reached his bedroom and while Sarek strode inward in search of a fresh set of clothes, Amanda paused awkwardly at the open doorway, suddenly bashful.  After their mutual experience of last night, she shouldn’t be, but… it seemed so odd to suddenly and after mere hours be familiar enough with him to simply make herself at home in his bedroom.  For a moment, it was as if last night had happened to someone else._ This is all so new and strange, _she thought_.

_Sarek must have sensed her hesitation then because he turned back toward her, at first a look of curiosity and then dawning understanding crossing over his features. He stepped closer, silently offering her the_ oz’hesta.  //We are one.// _Then, slowly, almost hesitantly, he raised his other hand to her face, caressing it with the backs of his fingers.  Amanda’s eyes rose to his, and then of their own accord flicked toward his bed.  Color rose on her cheeks but not before Sarek’s dark eyes captured her gaze again and she felt the blaze of heat in his thoughts._

_He pulled her closer, and when he felt her melt into him, his initial hesitance evaporated as mist before the sun.  The gates of desire suddenly re-opened and a floodtide of passion rushed in again, vivid images of their bodies twined together in both of their minds_.  _“Sarek!” Amanda whispered intensely, her eyes shut, expression desperate as her arms tightened around him.  Although he could not respond with words, Sarek instead captured her mouth in an ardent, Human kiss.  Last night had been no aberration._

_Just as he tightened his grip to pull her to his bed, a voice in the back of his mind reminded him of their purpose in being here._ To ensure that our bond is solid and true. _With effort, he pulled back, taking a steadying breath.  “We must see the healer now,” he murmured, voice just the slightest bit uneven_.  //Later, K’diwa…// _he thought to her and was gratified to feel her answering swell of anticipation._

_“Go get dressed,” Amanda said softly, smiling, as she turned toward a seat in the living area, her reason for avoiding his bedroom an entirely different one now.  The initial awkwardness she had experienced when they arrived was gone._

ooo

Her journey almost complete, Amanda hoped that this situation would resolve itself similarly to the way that one had.  Inside and finally escaping the supervision of the guards, she headed for Sarek’s office.  _He’s most likely there_.

Back in his office, Sarek contemplated.  He would not, could not, descend into a meditative trance until he knew Amanda had safely returned.  So instead he reminded himself of the principles of IDIC and did his best to calm.  The emotions he sought to control were intense and difficult.  A Vulcan male must ensure the safety of his mate and in turn be assured that she was his.  The biological imperatives of his kind demanded nothing less. 

And for Amanda… he found himself confronted with a host of emotions even on top of these that he did not really comprehend.  _If any harm were to befall her…_ Sarek, a diplomat bred to peace, in the back of his mind doubted that he could maintain that peace himself if any harm were to befall his wife.  Surak had had good reason for establishing the disciplines of peace and logic, given the seething passions that lurked hidden just beneath the surface of every Vulcan. 

Sarek clung to those disciplines tonight, especially in the face of the provocations he had experienced, provocations that would incense any Vulcan male.  It was his duty to his people and himself not to allow that dangerous emotion to show.  He was certain Amanda did not fully understand, even as educated in Vulcan culture as she was.  And she had her own cultural conventions to honor, and Human needs to fulfill.  A difficult intersection of values, to be sure, but one to be defended and protected, he knew.  _Infinite diversity in infinite combination… it is the way of our marriage, is it not?_  

He was roused from his search for calm by the sound of her footsteps in the hall.

"I thought I'd find you here," Amanda said quietly as she stepped tentatively into the huge office, at once familiar and yet still imposing.  _So like its owner_.

"Yes," Sarek answered simply, if a little stiffly.  He stood at her entry, his fingertips poised lightly on the desk and revealing a wariness his expression concealed.  He had heard her footsteps approaching, but refused to allow himself to react until she reached his door.  Now he continued watching her, impassive, his thoughts hidden from her.

“Sarek, I want you to know —”

“I trust your evening —”

They both started speaking simultaneously and stopped awkwardly.  Sarek spoke again first.

“I trust your evening concluded satisfactorily.”

“Yes, I guess.  I left to let them continue the party.”

One brow raised, but nothing more.

Amanda sighed, then decided to take the direct approach.  “Sarek, I don’t want to gain a husband and lose my friends.”

“I have no objections to your friends.  Only to their behavior.”

Amanda blew out an exasperated snort.  _He can be so maddeningly Vulcan-superior at times!_   And, she thought darkly, non-emotion notwithstanding, Sarek was definitely a master of the snide comment.

“Sarek,” she began again, “while some of what you observed was not polite by Vulcan standards, none of it was improper, really, by Human ones.  And _none_ of my friends have designs on me.”

“You do not know that.  I must keep you safe, as well as… unmolested.”

Irritation flashed through her anew even as she tried to suppress it.  “I’m not some _thing_!” she exclaimed.  “I’m a sentient, self-determining being, and I can take care of myself on that score!  Unless you think I’m mentally incompetent, too,” she added with a dark scowl.

Sarek repressed a sigh.  There was obviously a wide gap in their perceptions.  “I am of course aware of your status as a highly functional, intelligent being,” he began as patiently as possible.  “Among my people, however, the behaviors of mine you describe as offensive are… accepted.  Expected, even.”  Now his voice quieted, as if he were reluctant to acknowledge the truth of what he was saying.  “Their roots in the Vulcan male are… biological.  Over millennia and out of necessity, these impulses have been channeled into specific societal norms and roles.  They make it possible for us to follow the philosophies of Surak.”

Amanda blinked, absorbing his words.  _Even the great principles of Surak had to make concessions to Vulcan biology.  Logic was practical, if nothing else._   Still, her own values left her feeling repulsed by what his words and actions implied.  “I… see, I think.”  She looked up at him.  “But in my society, such attitudes are considered inappropriate because they imply that women – or whomever those beliefs are directed toward -- are simply things, objects.”

Sarek’s eyes now widened nearly imperceptibly in surprise.  “You are not a thing to me, Amanda.  If you were merely an object, I would not have such concerns.”  He restrained himself from offering her the _oz’hesta_ ; he was unsure enough of their current status that he refrained from touching her still.  “However, what you label as a disorder, an anomaly, is the norm among Vulcans.  Certain behaviors in this respect are expected, and in fact, are considered a duty,” he finished quietly.

A sudden thought occurred to Amanda, and she eyed him skeptically.  “Even with your mother, the Matriarch of all Vulcan?”

“Yes.  Even with T’Pau.”

Amanda shook her head briefly in wonder, trying to imagine Skon becoming belligerent (in a completely Vulcan way, of course) with anyone who was inappropriate with his bondmate.  She pitied any hapless, unaware Federation commissioners.

“My wife?” Sarek was asking.  She looked back at him.  “Are there… things, Human things, of which I am unaware, that you require to be content?” At her puzzled look he continued, albeit rather awkwardly, uncharacteristic for him.  “Are there activities, such as this ‘clubbing’ practice, that you will wish to engage in periodically, for your continued… happiness?”

It was clear he was far out of his comfort zone by this point, yet he forged ahead.  “And are the strictures I place on your behavior… too much for you?”  He drew a breath.  “As much as I ask you to conform to my requirements, given my nature, I must also not neglect yours.”  He looked down at her, unsure of what his own reaction would be if she, in fact, said “yes.”  Had they uncovered some irreparably large fissures in their relationship?

Amanda’s breath caught, and she gently placed a hand on his cheek, their first touch since their uncomfortable parting hours ago.  “Oh, Sarek,” she murmured, her eyes bright with what he now knew was unvoiced, intense emotion.  “I need nothing but you, my husband.  Is my Human behavior too challenging for you, at times?”

He felt her warmth and affection coursing through her touch and through their bond, and he allowed her to feel some of the same from him.  He was relieved.  “No, my wife,” he responded.  “Although there may be difficulties at times, we will overcome them.  Our bond is the embodiment of _kol’ut’shan_ , of IDIC.”

“Oh, Sarek,” she repeated, touched.  // _I love you so much_.//

Sarek’s eyes met hers.  _//Perhaps we should retire at this time,//_ he suggested meaningfully.  Amanda smiled and her hand dropped, and he turned to straighten his desk, preparing to depart.

A moment later he heard her murmur, “Sarek…” 

He looked up.

She didn’t utter another word.  Instead, Amanda stood with one leg up on a small table in front of his desk.  Without removing her eyes from his, she slowly began sliding one of her brightly colored stockings down from her thigh.

Sarek's gaze fixated on her hands sensuously slipping the sheer material off her leg.  His sense of propriety immediately censured the idea that she was obviously proposing, an interaction here in his public office, but his mind was overtaken with desire at what he was seeing.  They had argued and left one another unsatisfactorily, and now seemed to have reached a preliminary understanding; he needed to ensure the completeness of their bond as soon as possible... 

Rounding his desk, he stood before her, the slight flexing of the muscles in his hands the only movement betraying the tight control he yet exerted on his actions.  Amanda backed slowly from him until she bumped into the desk, well aware that she had unleashed the impassioned Vulcan in her husband.  She held her breath.

He stepped forward, eyes burning, and seized her by the waist.  Amanda could restrain neither the deep moan that came from her throat nor the burst of her own intense desire that flooded through their bond.

And that was all it took.  Sarek’s desk was preternaturally neat and sparsely appointed; there was not much in the way.  It all hit the floor.  He growled once, one arm scooping her up against him and the other sweeping the offending items into oblivion.  Then his mouth and teeth were on her collarbone and neck as his hands moved rapidly to divest her of her clothes.

“Amanda,” came his roughened voice, almost a snarl, “You are mine -- and I am _yours_.” 

Overwhelmed by his intensity, she felt herself go damp, and she let loose in a long, quavering whimper, “Yessss...”  Only _he_ could do this to her, she knew, part of her mind once again amazed at what they were about to do while the rest of her was rapidly being swept away.

He growled again, intent on his objective. 

Amanda worked frantically to remove his tunic and trousers, knowing there was only one thing she wanted right now.  And it was all he wanted as well.  Their hasty race to nakedness their only foreplay, he abruptly pushed her to the desk and mounted her then and there.  In response, her wanton cry echoed off the high-ceilinged walls of his office.

A quiet groan escaped him as her slick walls embraced him.  The emotion he felt for Amanda was too much, had to be improper – but he did not care.  The primitive and emotional aspects of his Vulcan character held sway now, and all he wanted to do was possess his wife.  He focused on the physical movement his body demanded as once again his mind was overwhelmed by emotion he did not fully comprehend.

He ground and thrust against her, and she arched back up to meet him, wrapping her legs around him and inflaming his body and mind still further. Amanda’s cries rose in an urgent, desperate rhythm, matching their frenzied motion on the smooth, hard surface of the desk. 

Sometimes their minds came together slowly, when he gradually released his barriers and eased his thoughts into hers.  At others, his consciousness crashed into her, as if he could not exist for another second with his mind separate from hers.  This was one of those other times.

His fingers found her _katra_ points and they gasped simultaneously as their minds joined abruptly and each other’s sensations became their own.  The ecstasy of being lost within one another was indescribable – and so, so needed at this moment.

Panting with effort, Sarek held himself back as he felt her body winding upward toward its climax.  He controlled his movements to focus them exactly where they would bring her the most pleasure, their bond an unerring guide.  

_“O-Ohh!”_ she cried out suddenly, and as her nails dug into the muscles of his arms, he experienced her release in his own mind.  Moments later he, too, rushed past the point of no return and shuddered hard within her.  Amanda groaned as she felt it, giving voice to his pleasure. They collapsed in a sweaty tangle on his desk.

Several minutes later, Amanda stirred, finding Sarek still on top of her, although he’d braced his weight away from her.  He was gazing down at her, expression unreadable, but with clear waves of contentment flowing through their bond.

_//My wife,//_ he greeted her.

_//Husband,//_ she replied. A beat, then, _//We should clean up your office.//_

_//It is of little consequence.//_

Amanda smiled up at him.  Then a thought occurred to her, and Sarek looked down at her quizzically.  _//My husband, would you like to… have my thoughts from the party?  So you could know that no one touched me inappropriately?//_   She looked up at him in earnest.

She could feel a swell of emotion from him through the bond, and he gave her that private half-smile.  _//I am… gratified by your offer, Aduna, but I do not need to know those thoughts.  Although the social conventions of a ‘bachelorette party’ are obviously new to my experience, I do trust you, my bondmate.//_

Amanda felt a wave of relief and gratitude herself.  Perhaps they were not so far apart on this issue after all.  “I love you, Sarek,” she sighed.

“I cherish thee, Amanda.”


	13. Back to Work

## Back to work

 

It was the winter holiday season again, and in no time at all, the whirlwind of the UFP diplomatic events calendar returned and swept them up within it much as before.  There were some important differences, however.

A year prior, the primary focus of Sarek’s diplomatic attention had been the Centauri Accord, while his personal attention had turned increasingly to the Terran linguist who had come to work at the embassy.  This year was more complex.  He now had a wife, a Human one, and needed to ensure that his diplomatic activities did not inadvertently place her in harm’s way. 

In addition, multiple political issues demanded his attention, the critical ones including influencing the tone of the Federation’s reaction to recent activities of the Klingon Empire; blunting the lobbying from some quarters to expand and further militarize Starfleet; and dealing with an increasing problem of piracy along shipping lanes within Federation space and without.  As the rapid growth in membership of the UFP tapered off from its earlier decades, many of the issues now centered around managing differing expectations, standards of living, and philosophical beliefs, plus an inevitable amount of squabbling and self-interested infighting.

Tonight’s event was a function at the embassy of Vega IX.  The issue at the forefront of Sarek’s agenda was a recent proposal to add several warships to Starfleet’s complement, vessels that would serve solely in military roles, ostensibly to patrol the more dangerous sectors of space and to allow the ships with science or exploratory missions to focus more on those roles.

While Sarek already knew that he would not be successful opposing Starfleet expansion outright, he also knew this proposal must be defeated if there was to be any hope of delaying what he saw as the nearly inevitable militarization of the institution.  Deeply suspicious of any organization that included offensive weaponry in its arsenal, he saw it as his duty to rein in the aggressive impulses of other Federation members, in particular as they manifested themselves in the growth of Starfleet power.

Tonight’s was the first diplomatic event they would be attending as husband and wife.  It was almost time to depart for the Vegan embassy when Sarek, looking thoughtful, turned to Amanda to speak.

“Amanda…” he began.

“Yes, Sarek?”

“Among my people, touch in public is considered most inappropriate.  With the exception of the _oz’hesta_ , of course, although even that is used sparingly.”

Amanda was confused.  She knew this.  “Yes…?”

Sarek took a breath.  He knew what was necessary, both for the conduct of his diplomatic duties and, he believed, for her safety. Although the Federation was at peace at the moment, there was no lack of unpredictable, dangerous, and volatile elements that could cause violence at any moment.  The revelation that the Vulcan ambassador could be visibly moved by the presence of his Human wife would only increase the likelihood of her becoming a target.

He looked at her, hoping she would understand.  “ _Aduna_ , when I, when we, are attending such events, I will not be able to be as I am when we are… alone,” he finished awkwardly.

Amanda blinked.  “Of course, Sarek.  I understand that.”  _What, does he think I expect him to sweep me off my feet and kiss me in the middle of the reception?_   She smiled reassuringly.  “I know you have a busy evening ahead of you, _Adun_.  Don’t worry, you won’t need to babysit me.”

His brows knitted in confusion.  “‘Babysit,’ my wife?”

She laughed.  “Never mind.  I’ll be fine.”

Relieved, Sarek held up his two fingers to her.  “Shall we depart, then?”

ooo

Amanda was not quite prepared for the reality of what Sarek had been trying to convey.  Vega IX was a Human colony and so the embassy was decked out in the holiday finery of many Human traditions, but the experience there rapidly became an alien and unfamiliar one for Amanda.  There was the unpleasant reminder to walk three steps behind him, and then his introduction of her – “She who is my wife” – rankled her. 

Following this awkward introduction to a group of Human diplomats, Amanda simply stepped into the momentary silence, extending her hand, Human fashion.  “Amanda Grayson,” she smiled.  _Whatever.  There’s a way to deal with this._

Sarek had raised a brow, and when they moved on to another group of guests, he chided her.  “My wife, you rather effectively negate both protocol and tradition with your behavior.  While it is appropriate for you to give your own name, typically one only does so when circumstances are more familiar.”

Amanda’s response was flippant.  “You mean when I already know the people to whom you’re introducing me?”

Not expecting his matter-of-fact, affirmative nod, she snorted, shaking her head.  “Perhaps you would prefer me to wear a placard that says ‘Property of Sarek’ instead?  Honestly…” 

“If I believed that would ensure your safety, then yes.”

Amanda stopped and stared at her impassive, implacable husband.  “Is _that_ what this is about?” she asked, incredulous.  “How am I unsafe here, of all places?”

“I do not wish you to become the target of untoward attention as a result of political disagreements, either from my diplomatic opponents, nor especially from any unstable quarter.”

“Oh, Sarek,” Amanda replied, shaking her head.  “It’s not as if people here don’t know that we’re married.  Besides,” she continued, “I’m perfectly capable of holding my own if some diplomat tries to harangue me.” 

Sarek did not share his wife’s dismissive attitude about what she might face.  He would continue to pursue his strategy.  So as a result, when a short while later Sarek’s rounds brought them into the vicinity of a discreetly placed sprig of mistletoe and Amanda glanced between it and him hopefully, he declined even to offer her the _oz’hesta_.  Instead he explained, “Such a display of emotion would be beyond the bounds of Vulcan propriety, Amanda.” 

Amanda couldn’t help her mouth from dropping open in surprise that he would not allow even this innocuous display.  Now rather hurt and disappointed, she whispered in frustration, “Sarek, how can you object to this when you’ve, when we’ve… well, when it’s seemed that propriety mattered an awful lot less?”

Sarek shielded the consternation he felt.  He had no answer for her.  At least, none that was logically consistent.   He had no rational explanation for the passion that frequently swept over him in the presence of his wife.  It truly did seem to be a peculiar form of madness, transitory in its expression but, he knew, always there, lurking within his consciousness. 

Instead of attempting to explain such a glaring and troubling flaw, he drew himself up, and she could feel him distancing himself from her.  “We must control.  _I_ must control,” he said simply before adding, “I must strengthen my discipline where I have failed in this regard.”   Eyes focused on some distant point, he began walking again.

Amanda could see that the discussion was over, even as its conclusion was utterly unsatisfactory.  It hurt to hear him characterize some of their more passionate moments together as merely failures of his control.  Deciding she needed a moment to re-collect herself, she told him, “I need some fresh air, _Adun_.  I’ll be back.”  She tried to ignore the confused look in his eyes at her sad smile.  She had enjoyed these events with him a great deal before their marriage and felt now as if something had been lost.

One thing that hadn’t been lost, she quickly noticed, was the gossip.  Although the press interest seemed to have died down – _Thankfully_ , she thought – individual curiosity – and unthinking meanness – had not.

She heard the first comment while she was waiting for a drink at the bar.

            _“Look, there’s the Vulcan Ambassador’s wife, the Human woman.”_

_“She looks normal enough.”_

_“Yeah, but who would want that?  Do you think he ever touches her?”_

_“Only when it’s ‘logical’!” [Laughter]_

_Which is a lot more often than you could possibly imagine,_ Amanda silently rejoined.   Indignant at the slight to her husband, she was prepared to turn and silence the gossipers with an acid remark when she abruptly realized: _I can’t say a thing_. 

Amanda always spoke her mind to detractors – sometimes more diplomatically than others – but now her world had changed.  On things related to her marriage, which covered a very broad range of topics, she could no longer say what she thought.  Not without betraying Sarek’s confidence, violating the privacy that he and his people assumed to be both inviolate as well as a common courtesy, and possibly shattering the public persona he needed to represent his world.

Amanda also realized with a shock the hazard that she herself, as an emotional Human, posed at his side.  Were she Vulcan there would be no such speculation, but her very existence as his wife invited both rude commentary about their interactions as well as questions about how emotional his own motivations were, in this and other areas. 

While she could easily see – and indeed, lived – the truth that Sarek could be a devoted husband to her while living quite consistently within Vulcan disciplines, she knew this could be difficult for others further removed from the situation, or with less nuanced viewpoints, to appreciate.  He walked a razor’s edge of perceptions for her.  _I guess I can see why he needs to be a bit more of a proper Vulcan when we’re out in public together_.  It was a lot to absorb.

Sarek, meanwhile, strove to concentrate on his work while his senses simultaneously worked overtime to detect Amanda’s whereabouts and surroundings.  He worked his way inexorably through the ranks of the diplomats in attendance, all the while doing his utmost not to appear distracted by her presence, even as he was acutely aware of it. 

Finally, his unofficial negotiations completed for the time being, he took a moment to reflect.  While he had definitely made headway in the matter of the Starfleet warships, his strategy of deflecting attention away from Amanda had fared far less successfully.

In every conversation, the Humans present, and frequently the non-Humans as well, saw fit to pose personal questions about his wife and their relationship. 

_“How are you finding married life, Ambassador?”_

_“How did you and your wife meet?”_

_“Do you think you’re having any more luck than Human men in understanding Human women?”_

_“Where is your wife tonight?”_

Even as such inquiries would be considered most impolite by Vulcan standards, he could detect no ill will from any of the questioners.  They appeared to be genuinely curious.  He also noted with discomfort that the volume of questions seemed to increase once she left his side, and he was frankly mystified as to how to respond to them diplomatically.  He had always been able to deflect unwanted personal questions about himself without much difficulty; however, it was proving much more challenging to do so when the subject was his recent marriage.  He had clearly miscalculated, surprisingly, and he had to concede, his tactics needed to change.

Meanwhile, Amanda had found some acquaintances and was enjoying the friendly conversation when she heard Sarek’s voice, clear and authoritative in the crowded room.

“My wife, attend,” came the command, his glance flicking away from her and around the room even before he was done speaking.

_Oh, go attend yourself_ , Amanda thought irritably at the command.  Then she chided herself.  _Don’t be a shrew,_ _Amanda_.  _But I can still let him know what I think._  Taking a determined breath, she turned but stood her ground and rejoined quietly yet firmly, “My _husband_ , attend.”

To her very pleasant surprise, Sarek immediately turned back toward her, brows raised solicitously.  “Yes, my wife?”

Amanda was so surprised she stood speechless for a moment.  One of Sarek’s brows had begun its upward climb again before she recovered and asked, “What is it, my husband?”

He offered her the _oz’hesta_.  “There are further introductions,” he stated evenly as he began to lead her across the room.  That’s when she noticed his expression, closed a bit more than usual, the austere lines of his face held slightly more still than she was accustomed to seeing.  She hadn’t seen that look in a long time, although she remembered it…

_October_ , _2228_

_It had been a late October afternoon.  Amanda was to meet with the Vulcan ambassador for another one of their “cultural exchange” sessions.  Sev had informed her that his meeting at the Tellar embassy had run late, so she waited in the library for him.  When he arrived a few minutes later, there was something about his expression that caused Amanda to take note, and she observed him more closely, unobtrusively as he briefly spoke with an aide._

_She realized as she watched that his stoic features occasionally seemed rigid and cold -- more withdrawn somehow -- when they would first get together, but then later they would minutely soften.  Today his expression was impassive as usual, but the austere lines of his face were indeed somehow more severe, his posture a bit stiffer, than when she typically encountered him.  Just like the time they had met after a rather large, loud group of Federation functionaries, mostly Human, had departed from his office on a first-time tour of the Vulcan embassy.  He had slowly, almost imperceptibly… relaxed, if that was even the right word, during their lunch together afterward._

_Now he greeted her, characteristically apologizing for the disruption to her schedule, and she asked, “How was your meeting with the Tellarite delegation?”_

_He tilted his head slightly, considering.  “It was… somewhat less than adequate, but no worse than could be expected.”  Amanda stifled a laugh at his oh-so-Vulcan commentary._

_Then she became more serious as another question occurred to her.  It was really no more than intuition, but she was very curious to know.  “Is it… difficult, as a telepath, to have to engage so often with very emotionally expressive beings, Ambassador?”_

_Sarek looked up at her in surprise before quickly masking his expression._

_Amanda hastily apologized.  “I’m sorry, that was no doubt too personal a question.”_

_Sarek raised a brow in a more controlled expression of surprise at her apology, and then bowed his head slightly in acknowledgement.  “No apology is needed, Doctor.”  He looked at her intently, wondering if he had missed some essential aspect of her nature.  “Are you… telepathic yourself, Dr. Grayson?”_

_Amanda blushed under the intensity of his gaze.  “Oh, no – certainly not that I’m aware of.  What little I know about psionic abilities made me wonder, that’s all.”_

_“Indeed.”  Sarek’s response was noncommittal, but he was impressed by her ability to empathize with what it must be like for him.  Feeling he somehow owed her an answer, he continued, “Being in the presence of many unshielded minds, especially when they are broadcasting strong emotion, can be somewhat… taxing, yes.”  He surprised himself by making such an admission so easily.  Somehow, he did not find the question intrusive, coming from her._

_Amanda nodded sympathetically.  She had perceived him correctly.  “Well, please tell me if I’m broadcasting all over the place, Ambassador.  I wouldn’t want to add to that.”_

_She did, in fact, broadcast a great deal, but Sarek found it did not affect him negatively.  “It is not a problem, Doctor,” he murmured.  He appreciated her ability to understand his perspective, even while being very different herself._ She possesses an IDIC-worthy outlook.

_She was struck again by how pleasant the sound of his voice was.  “Please, call me Amanda,” she offered. “When we’re just talking like this it seems silly to be so formal.”_

_A brow glided upward again, and Amanda had the distinct impression he was amused.  “I typically endeavor not to be ‘silly’… Amanda.  You may call me Sarek in similar circumstances.”_

_She smiled broadly at him then, enjoying both his dry humor and that he reciprocated her friendly gesture.  Again feeling self-conscious under his intent stare but not wanting to end their meeting, she asked, hoping she sounded casual, “Would you like to go for a walk, Sarek?  It’s lovely outside…”_

_He agreed.  And, Amanda noticed as they walked, he had relaxed._

Back in the present, Amanda asked as they slowly walked, _//What is wrong, my husband?//_

_//Nothing is ‘wrong,’//_ he began, characteristically denying.  _//I am… puzzled, however, by the volume of personal questions posed to me this evening.  It is a rather startling number.//_

_//Personal questions?//_

_//Primarily questions about… our marriage.  I find them rather intrusive.//_

_//What sorts of questions, Husband?//_

She could feel his distaste through the bond, as if he resisted even repeating them to her.

_//Such questions as… how we became acquainted, if I am finding the state of matrimony agreeable, what it ‘feels’ like to be married… As I indicated, most intrusive.//_

Amanda smiled tenderly up at her very Vulcan husband.  _Yes indeed, quite a cultural divide.  //Adun, our marriage is common knowledge here.  As a result, people feel free to comment on it.  And, in Human culture, it’s considered polite to inquire after such a significant event.//_

She could sense Sarek was taken aback, even as he controlled the emotion.  _//Humans actually… expect answers to such questions?  I find such a lack of regard for privacy rather disagreeable.//_

She curled her two fingers just a bit more tightly around his.  In addition to the questions, they had both noticed the curious looks directed at them, and just then, they heard another set of whispers. 

_“What does she see in him?  Or he in her?”_

_“Maybe it’s not really a relationship -- just a political arrangement.”_

_“They’ll be separated within a year…”_

The words stung again, but she was comforted by his presence and the strength of his stoicism.

_//Such comments are of no consequence, my wife,//_ he thought to her.

Amanda had hoped, unrealistically, she realized, that now that they were married, the tawdry attention that had focused on them before as a couple would fade.  But as she’d already learned, at this point, it hadn’t.  _People_.  It would at least be a relief to deal with the questions that were asked directly.  “You’re right.  Just leave those personal questions to me, _Adun_ ,” she whispered.

Sarek briefly contemplated the irony:  it was he who was supposed to protect his bondmate from such intrusions, and yet here she was, offering to do so for him.  _Most interesting_.

Just then, notes from a familiar waltz drifted over from the dance floor.  Reconsidering their earlier conversation, Sarek turned to Amanda.  “The introductions can wait,” he murmured.   “Would you care to dance, my wife?”

And dance they did.  Sarek was gratified to engage in a Human social custom that was acceptable to his own sensibilities, and that enabled him to provide Amanda with the touch he knew she desired.  _Most agreeable_.  And even though Sarek had declined to verbally answer questions regarding the state of their marriage, to any who cared to observe, those answers were clear.

ooo

It was late when they returned to the embassy apartments.  The evening had been long and unexpectedly stressful.  Amanda was exhausted, and Sarek was relieved to have privacy once again with his wife.  The propriety required for the public life that he, and now they, must lead was clear and non-negotiable.  However, he was discovering, his public persona increasingly diverged from the private one that only his bondmate saw.  

Amanda had stepped into their changing area to remove her jewelry when she detected movement out of the corner of her eye.   Sarek approached her from behind, laying his hands on her shoulders.  When she turned to look at him, she could see a bright, intense look in his eyes that she had begun to recognize. 

For Sarek, he was caught up once more in the jumble of emotions that frequently overcame him in the presence of his bondmate.  He still did not fully understand them, and could not articulate them, so he took another course.

“ _Aduna_.”  His rich voice caressed the word as he gently turned her toward him.

Amanda’s heart fluttered at his velvet tones.  “Yes, _Adun_?” 

“I came across an item that you might find pleasing.”

“Oh…?”

Withdrawing his hand from the pocket of his robe he revealed a small sprig of mistletoe, holding it between them as his other hand reached out to stroke her cheek with the backs of his fingers.  “I wish to… rectify my earlier omission, _K’diwa_ ,” he murmured, stepping closer. 

“Oh, Sarek…”

“Can you tell me,” he continued, bending to inveigle his face between her hair and her neck, his hot breath tickling her skin as he breathed in her scent, “how relevant to the tradition is the juxtaposition of the participants with respect to the vegetation?  Must it be directly overhead?  Or is it sufficient if we are merely within its vicinity…?”

Amanda’s answer was muffled as his mouth found hers and the mistletoe fell to the floor.

ooo

The Terran holidays were winding to a close, and the new couple was finding the beginnings of a routine.

It was late by the time Sarek returned from work, and the entryway to their quarters was dark.  Focused on ascertaining Amanda’s presence, he silently caught himself as one foot collided with an object on the floor. His eyes adjusted quickly and he reached down – Amanda’s shoe.  Picking it up as well as its nearby companion, he turned toward the sleeping chamber. 

She was not there, but he could sense she was somewhere in their quarters.  He moved to place the shoes in her closet – and was confronted by a large pile of footwear inside.  One brow flicked upward, and he decided to delay the search for his _aduna_ momentarily as he attended to a small housekeeping task.

Once completed, he reached into his own closet, intending to trade the more formal robe of his office for the simpler one he preferred to wear at home. It was not there.  He suppressed a small sigh.  In the weeks since he and Amanda had taken up a shared residence, his normally precisely ordered domestic life had become rather… chaotic.

He knew it was illogical to associate all Humans with clutter, but the association did seem to suit Amanda.  She was not inherently disorganized, far from it.  Rather, keeping things in their proper place was frequently not her top priority.  _Kai’idth_.  As her bondmate, it was suitable to assist her in this area.

Resuming his search for her, he walked out into the living area – and was surprised by the peculiar emotion that struck at the sight before him.  Amanda lay fast asleep on the couch, a reading light still on above her, wrapped in his robe.

Even though it was illogical, and even though there had been an exponential increase in the degree of disarray to which his personal effects were subject since Amanda had become a part of his life, there was also a degree of… contentment, of calm, that he had never known before.  The tradeoff was well worthwhile.

Bending over her, he gently brushed her hair back from her cheek.  Amanda’s eyelids fluttered open.  “My husband,” she murmured sleepily.

“My wife,” was his only response as he carefully scooped her up and carried her to their bedroom.  It was sufficient.

ooo

The first Monday morning prior to the beginning of the Winter teaching term inevitably came.  Sarek was up before dawn as was his usual daily habit.  After meditating, exercising, bathing and dressing, he was nearly ready to depart for his office when he paused.  Amanda was likely still sleeping, as he had observed was her preference at this hour.  Today was going to be her first day in her new position at the Terran university, however, and he wished to ensure that she was adequately prepared.  Inwardly, he knew she was, of course; she’d been working for weeks before their wedding toward precisely this.  And it was illogical to wake her simply to take his leave of her for the day, yet…

He gave in to the questionably logical urge, and turned toward the bedroom.  And as he stepped inside, nearly collided with Amanda, who was barreling toward the bathroom.  He caught her gently with his hands.

“Eek!” she squeaked.  “Sorry, Sarek!  Mmn, good morning.”  She reached up and kissed him on the cheek.  Then she fretted, “Oh, I’m going to be late – I’ve got to be at the transport station in half an hour!”

“You are not taking an Embassy flitter?”

“Oh, heavens no – I’m not _trying_ to attract attention.  I’ll be fine.  Now, where did I leave my hairbrush...?”

“It is next to your sink in the refresher, twelve centimeters to the right of the PADD you were reading last night,” he replied absently, not noticing her eyes widen at his automatic recall.  He was not sanguine about her traveling some distance away, unaccompanied.  “Stell will accompany you,” he added.

“What?” Amanda exclaimed, then snorted.  “Oh, fine.  I don’t have time to argue with you this morning, Sarek, but you’re being ridiculous. I was _born_ on this planet, you know.”  She began to pull away to get dressed.

His objective accomplished, he did not reply.  Instead, his attention was drawn to her body close to his, only partially covered by her gauzy robe.  The bond betrayed his errant thoughts and Amanda giggled. 

“You!”  She slapped at him playfully, squirming in his grip, and his hands tightened fractionally.  Desire raced through him.  She felt it, too, and for a second they stared at one another…

It was Amanda who broke their gaze regretfully.  With a small sigh she murmured, “Duty calls, doesn’t it?”  Reluctantly he released her.  It was, unfortunately, logical.

ooo

Several hours later, Amanda resolutely stifled a yawn.  This first staff meeting before the start of the Winter term was necessarily lengthy, but at least it would be over soon now.  She was eager to get back to her final preparations for the classes that would begin in a few days.

The University president, Dr. Eunice Lee, was just beginning to wrap up the meeting when her assistant entered, somewhat flustered.  The president looked up. “Yes, Bruce?”

“There’s, uh, a Vulcan group outside, Doctor.”

Amanda looked up, a foreboding feeling forming in her gut. 

Dr. Lee frowned, annoyed at the interruption.  “So?  Maybe they’re here for a tour, or to register for classes next term?  I’m sure you can direct them…”

The aide fidgeted.  “Actually, I believe it’s the ambassador himself.  I’m not sure I’m the appropriate one to handle it…” He trailed off, anxious.

Foreboding definitely confirmed, Amanda resisted the urge to clap a hand to her forehead.  _Sarek, what now?_

Dr. Lee stared down the long table toward Amanda.  “Dr. Grayson?  Perhaps you would like to look into this?”  All eyes turned in her direction.

_Great_ , Amanda thought.  Steeling herself, Amanda nodded and stood.  As she pushed her chair back, she could hear the murmuring of other faculty around her.  Most knew of her marriage to the Vulcan ambassador, but that evidently wasn’t stopping them from commenting, and those who didn’t were now definitely curious.  “I’m sorry for the interruption,” she murmured.

Dr. Lee gave an audible sigh before replying.  Dealing with celebrity faculty – and now, apparently, celebrity faculty spouses – was an aggravation, in her opinion.  “We were about done anyway, I suppose.”  At that, the room erupted in chatter as Amanda escaped out the door.

She nearly dashed into Sarek, who was standing just outside, looking intently up and down the breezeway and across the raised courtyard, carefully surveying the surrounding activity.  His security detail was further down the corridor, similarly occupied.

“Sarek!” Amanda exclaimed, causing him to turn toward her with that dignified swirl of robes she knew so well. 

“My wife.”

“Sarek,” Amanda repeated, somewhat nonplussed, “Not that I’m not glad to see you, but… What brings you here?”

One of his brows climbed as if to suggest he was surprised by her question.  “I came to evaluate your surroundings.”

_Not this again._   “Sarek, Stell got me here without incident this morning, and as you can see, this is a perfectly innocuous university setting.”

“Amanda, Stell did indeed escort you successfully.  It is his report back to me that causes me to be here.”  His sharp eyes again perused their surroundings.  “This setting is... hardly innocuous.”

At that moment the door to the meeting room opened and Amanda’s fellow faculty members began to file out, their conversations falling silent when they spied the couple.  Sarek merely stared back at the group of academicians, his expression authoritative and faintly disapproving.

Amanda smiled weakly at her colleagues, but few returned her smile. 

After a few moments, the breezeway was again empty save for them.  Exasperated, she turned back to her husband.  “Do you _have_ to intimidate the people I work with when I’ve just barely met them?”

Sarek gave a Vulcan shrug.  “You are mine.”

“Sarek!” Amanda cried, indignant.

Sarek continued as if he had said nothing out of line.  “Stell’s report on your surroundings here indicated that a review of our security procedures was necessary.  As you are my wife, it is my duty to review the situation myself.”

And review he had.  Stell was correct; this was nothing like the virtually silent, ordered halls of the Vulcan Science Academy.  This university environment was chaotic and unsecured by far in comparison.  He would have to provide greater security for Amanda.

For her part, Amanda tried counting to ten.  _There are things he just doesn’t understand…_   “My husband,” she began slowly, “as I’ve said before, I appreciate you wanting to keep me safe.  But it is safe here.  And I need to build relationships with my colleagues in order to work with them.  Intimidating them doesn’t help.  Maybe you don’t realize that you can have that effect on people.”

He most definitely did realize.  And if he had to intimidate her colleagues to put them on notice that he was closely observing this place for his wife’s wellbeing, then so be it.  _There are things she does not yet understand._

“Indeed, my wife,” he responded noncommittally.  “Shall we return to the embassy?”

Resignedly, Amanda nodded.  Right now, she did want to leave.  _This is all new for both of us.  It’ll be better once classes start,_ she reassured herself.

ooo

It was the weekend. Since Vulcans did not observe the concept of a weekend, Sarek typically used the available time not filled with meetings with Human dignitaries to catch up on other work.  Amanda didn’t mind; as often as not she could coax Sarek out for recreation, and when she couldn’t she used the days for her own work.  Outside of the frenetic atmosphere of the University, grading student papers or attending faculty meetings, she could work on some of her own papers and theories.

The minutes slowly ticked by as Amanda chewed on her stylus.  Try as she might this particular Saturday, she just couldn’t work through one of the more challenging concepts she wanted to include in her next paper.  Finally, she laid aside the stylus.  She knew what she needed. 

Looking up at Sarek across the room, she announced, “I need to go to the beach.  Would you like to come with me?”

Sarek looked up, brow furrowed slightly.  “You need to -- ?”

“I want to go for a walk on the beach.  I need to clear my head, think through some things, and this is how I usually do it.  I go beach-combing.”

“‘Beach-combing?’” he asked again, unfamiliar with the term.

Distracted, Amanda didn’t answer. “Darn it, where’d I leave my sandals?” she muttered, looking under the couch.

“They are in your closet, point eight five meters from the left end, in between the shoes you use for exercise and the ones you typically wear to your classes,” Sarek supplied.

Amanda just stared at him for a moment.  Then she went to look.  Sure enough, he’d organized her shoes by function (and secondarily, by height), neatly along the closet floor.   _So that’s where those heels_ _ended up,_ she thought, spying a pair she had left in the entryway a while ago and hadn’t seen since.  _Still…_ Something was bothering her.

She realized she was frustrated – in the short time that they’d been sharing an abode, it seemed that Sarek was nearly constantly cleaning up after her.  Even when she thought something was already clean, as in put away and neat.  _Is this his way of telling me I’m failing as a Vulcan spouse already?_  She decided to take the bull by the horns.

She returned to the living area.  “Um, about that, Sarek…”

He looked up again.  “My wife?”

Amanda faltered.  _I can’t criticize him for doing me a favor…_ She squirmed inwardly a moment then blurted, “Do my personal habits bother you?”

Now Sarek was thoroughly confused.  “Personal habits” could mean any number of things, and “bother” implied emotion.  “I am not ‘bothered,’ my wife,” he began slowly.  “You, however, appear perturbed.  What is the matter?”

She sighed.  “I know I’m not nearly as neat as you are, _Adun_.  You shouldn’t have to clean up after me; I’m sorry!  I _have_ tried…”

Sarek could see her distress – _guilt?_ – in her expression, and some comprehension dawned.  He arose and went to her.

“ _Aduna_ , I regret if I have disturbed you with my actions.  I intended no criticism.”  He offered her his paired fingers as he continued softly, “In a Vulcan marriage, it is considered that each spouse brings certain strengths.  It is logical that the capabilities of one offset the relative weaknesses of the other, where they exist.  There is balance.  Each spouse brings qualities which strengthen the union as a whole.”

Amanda understood what he was trying to say, and she was touched.  She still felt a little guilty, though.  _I’m not exactly sure what qualities I contribute that are relevant to a Vulcan marriage._   Her mouth curled in a wry grin.  “So if you are the neat one of the two of us…” she asked drily, “…is my strength helping you to find your inner slob?”

“My wife, you misconstrue the concept.”

“Now you look downright amused.” 

“Insults are unnecessary.  And no; you make this residence a home.”

She kissed him.

ooo

Not long after Amanda succeeded in coaxing Sarek out to the beach.  It was not his first choice of location but she had been eager to go and he was loathe not to accompany her.  He expected they would go someplace along the bay, but instead she took him to a broad beach with a mix of rocks and sand along the Pacific Ocean.  They reached the shore and to Sarek’s further surprise, Amanda left the high vantage point where she parked their flitter and began walking down toward the crashing waves.   

“Amanda…” he began.

“Come on, Sarek, it’s fine,” she replied, gesturing out at the agitated surf.  “Isn’t it inspiring?” 

“Not in the slightest,” he replied, looking askance at the rolling water below.  He had successfully schooled his instinctive, negative reaction to the water in San Francisco’s bay, even after the trying experience before their wedding in that very body of water.  This, though, the ocean, was quite different.  It was an immensely powerful and often unpredictable natural force, and Sarek doubted the wisdom of placing themselves in close proximity to it without any sort of safety precautions.

He thought the name “Pacific” was clearly a misnomer.  The booming waves now close to them sounded like thunderous explosions to his ears as they crashed over rocks along the shore.  He repressed a shudder.  And although he was intrigued by the surfers he observed riding those waves in the distance, he could not watch them with Amanda so near the violent water.

They walked in silence for a few minutes until Amanda stopped, looking outward. “This is so peaceful,” she sighed.

Sarek favored her with a look that suggested her sanity was questionable.  Looking dubiously at the crashing waves, he responded, “I find your interpretation difficult to grasp.”

Amanda glanced over at him in surprise.  The incongruence of the look he gave her with her last statement made her laugh out loud.  “Oh, my poor _adun_!” she exclaimed.  Obliging his apparent discomfort, Amanda backed up the beach onto dry sand.  She stumbled in the softer material and, laughing again, attempted to pull him down with her, but he refused to yield.

“This place is not secure,” he told her stiffly.

Amanda looked around.  The beach was empty save for themselves.  _Of all the times he thinks about that…_  “But there’s no one here,” she argued.   “And no holocams, either, for a change,” she added mischievously, again tugging on his forearm.

“There is the risk of rogue waves.”

“Oh, those don’t happen here,” Amanda declared dismissively.  “Well, certainly not very often.  Only if there were a _tsunami_ or something,” she waved a hand, making it clear what she thought of the possibility.

At her words his brows furrowed with concern and she instantly regretted mentioning it at all.  “Sarek, the probability of one of those is… I don’t even know.  Very small.”  She resumed walking, clearly not at all worried.

Sarek could not help but begin furiously calculating the likely variables that could influence such an event. 

Noticing his silence Amanda decided to relent again. “Let’s go back up to the bluff.”  While they hiked back up, she ventured, “You know, Sarek, perhaps you wouldn’t be bothered so much by the waves if you learned how to swim.”

“It is not my own safety for which I am concerned.”  He had no intention of getting close to the roiling water; thus, his own risk was limited.  _Amanda, however…_

She laughed again at that.  “Sarek, I grew up playing in the ocean.  I can run into these waves and be quite safe.  If you let me teach you, you could come right in after me.  You know, to ensure my safety…”  She gave him a teasing look, but he was having none of it.

“I have already done so once and although I would do so again without hesitation if necessary, I do not desire to spend any further time in this frigid element voluntarily.”

Amanda rolled her eyes at his dire tone.  “All right, Sarek, I get the message.  Would you like to go home?”  Her tone was still teasing and he mused, _she truly does not understand…_

He needed to keep his bondmate safe.  While he felt regret at the prospect of making her leave the watery environs she so enjoyed when they returned to Vulcan, he would nonetheless be gratified to remove her from this risk.

 


	14. Diplomacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 1): I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to update this time! RL definitely got in the way. Glad to be back, though; I’ll post another chapter soon after this. ☺
> 
> A/N 2): Sarek’s aide and friend Soran is the creation of fanwriter Selek, and is incorporated here with permission.

## Diplomacy

“So, Ambassador, how did you meet your wife?”

Sarek sighed inwardly as he confronted the apparent inevitability, once again, of being peppered with these intrusive questions.  Seated as he was with a group of diplomats at a Denobulan embassy dinner, he was for the moment trapped, and it was apparent that he was not going to engage them in any discussion about recent Klingon activity or the upcoming cooperative trade and defense negotiations until their curiosity about his personal life was satisfied.

He had just resigned himself to engaging in this unpleasant process when he sensed her calm presence near him.

“So sorry I was delayed!  It’s so nice to see you…” Amanda began, greeting their tablemates as she gracefully seated herself.  Her welcoming smile drawing them in, they now directed the same questions to her.  Sarek was able to simply watch and listen as his bondmate handled each of them with aplomb, satisfying the questioner without revealing anything private. And she seemed to actually enjoy the interchange.  _Fascinating_.

Still engaged in conversation, Amanda discreetly reached underneath the table to twine two of her fingers with those of her _adun_.  _Diversity combined_.

But while there were many on the diplomatic circuit who were politely curious about the new couple, there were also some who plainly did not notice, or perhaps did not care, about their state of matrimony.  

Amanda had been catching up with a couple of friends after dinner when she noticed that Sarek had been speaking with one woman for a particularly long time.  The others who had been in their conversational group had drifted away, but the woman remained, talking animatedly.  Amanda recognized her as a functionary from one of the Federation trade offices. She was Human, very pretty, and from her body language, Amanda was annoyed to note, very interested in Sarek.

She saw Sarek nod politely and make as if to move off, but the woman casually blocked his exit with her broadly gesticulating hands. Amanda noted those moving hands were getting closer and closer to her husband’s arm.  Deciding to intervene, she excused herself from her friends and headed over.  _I know he’s capable of taking care of himself, but I don’t want him to be uncomfortable…_

As she approached, she heard the woman ask, “How do you manage in Earth’s light gravity with all that Vulcan strength?  You must have to be awfully careful, hmm?” She giggled.  Amanda rolled her eyes.   _Oh, please…_

Sarek’s response was brief and factual.  Undeterred, the woman continued, raising her brows suggestively, “I’m sure it makes lots of things easier, too… and more fun.”

In the background, the music switched from Rigellian to Terran, and strains of a waltz arose from the dance floor.  “Oh, this is one of my favorites,” she gushed. “I’ve heard you are very talented at the waltz, Ambassador.  Could I persuade you to dance this one with me?”  Now she was leaning forward, definitely into his space, her expression making it clear she thought she would succeed.

Amanda was more than annoyed at this point. A white-hot flare of jealousy burned bright as she thought, _Just what makes this woman think that she can flirt shamelessly with_ my _husband?_   She stopped short of stalking to his side when she heard his deep voice. 

“My apologies, Miss Andrews.  According to the customs of my people, it would be improper for me to dance in such a manner with anyone who is not my wife. If you will excuse me,” he concluded, nodding perfunctorily at the woman’s effusive apologies as he stepped away.

Unwanted guest dispatched, Sarek moved to Amanda, offering her the _oz’hesta_. “Would you care to dance, _Aduna_?”

Amanda nodded with a pleased smile and looked up at him, bemused, as they took to the floor.  While the music began, she whispered in his ear, “Sarek, according to the customs of your people, it’s improper for you to dance in this manner with anyone, period.”

He gave a Vulcan shrug.  “Perhaps, but that does not negate my statement to Miss Andrews. And, in my position, it is understood that I may occasionally be required to engage in practices outside of the Vulcan norm, for diplomatic purposes.”

“You are _such_ a diplomat,” she teased.  Then she remembered something he had said months before.  She pulled back to look at him curiously.

“Sarek, when you first asked me to give you that dance lesson ages ago, you said you wanted to learn because it would ‘facilitate the building of relationships that ultimately aids negotiation.’”

“Yes,” he agreed without further elaboration. Sometimes his wife possessed near-Vulcan levels of recall.

“But Sarek,” she accused, eyes mischievous, “learning to dance can’t ultimately aid in any type of negotiation if you never dance with anyone but your wife.”

“On the contrary,” he declared.  “My learning the Terran waltz did indeed aid in one particularly important negotiation.  Would you not agree… my wife?”  He raised a brow at her.

Amanda’s mouth dropped open in amazement. “You mean you planned that to…? You never intended…?”   She trailed off, speechless.

“I am quite confident I uttered no falsehoods,” Sarek replied with careful innocence.  “Vulcans do not lie, as you know.  I assume you wish to continue?” he asked, as the music switched to another waltz.

“You!”  Amanda exclaimed. She felt a blaze of satisfaction and affection through his touch.  _He’s such a male… _ But she nodded. His arm tightened around her as he whirled them away.

ooo

As their now joint calendar quickly filled with diplomatic and other events, Sarek sought to accommodate his Human wife’s need for physical contact, even in the many public venues they frequented.  He would ask her to dance, if that option were available, and dance he would, but only with her.  He would occasionally, when the isolated moment permitted it, brush her hand with his, concealed in a swirl of robes, allowing them both to experience the connection they craved. If his staff noticed this nearly lewd behavior on the part of the ambassador, they refrained from commenting on it.

At the same time, Amanda sought to accommodate her Vulcan husband’s preference for privacy, even as many members of her kind and others presumed that they had virtually none.  Her linguistic skills came in handy as she became adept at answering questions in ways that were polite and satisfied their questioners, but without revealing much, if any, of their private lives.  She protected him, and in doing so, was becoming quite a diplomat herself.

ooo

Her first undergraduate class had just ended and Amanda was congratulating herself on the outcome.  A packed lecture hall, lots of intelligent questions… it was going to be a good semester here.  She was speaking to a few of the students at the podium when suddenly, she saw uniforms out of the corner of her eye and she straightened, concerned.

She caught her breath as two guards from the Vulcan embassy and two Starfleet security guards approached her, armed and solemn. Fear gripped her. _Something’s happened to Sarek!_   Her eyes widened and her heart hammered in her chest as they drew close. _No..._

“Dr. Grayson?” one of the Starfleet officers asked.

“Yes?”  Amanda braced herself, preparing for the worst.

“We are here to escort you back to the embassy, when you are ready.”

_What?!_ Amanda just gaped at the four for a moment as her fear was upended by incredulousness.  Which was quickly supplemented by anger. _What the –?_   Composing herself, she coolly asked, “Is there some issue I should be made aware of?”

One of the Starfleet officers, a petite but serious-looking blonde woman, responded.  “No, ma’am.  Starfleet is cooperating with a request from Vulcan that you be provided with this daily detail.”

_Oh for the love of Pete,_ Amanda thought as she smiled thinly at the officer in acknowledgement. _I can’t believe him._ As she gathered up her things from the podium, she was further annoyed to note that her students had backed off nervously, not sure what to make of the armed guards around their professor. 

She sighed, and sought to reassure them. “No worries here, Students. This is all just… routine,” she told them, smiling as if nothing were out of the ordinary.  “If you have more questions before next class I’ll be glad to answer them.  Just comm me or come to my office hours.”  Right now she needed to find a certain someone and give him a piece of her mind.

When they reached the embassy Amanda politely thanked her escort before she went to track down Sarek.  She might have been able to minimize the presence of the Vulcan guards in and around her classrooms, but now that Starfleet was involved, it wasn’t going to be so simple.   She was worried their appearance might have put off some of her students, and she knew she would hear about this – and not in a good way – at the next faculty meeting.  What with Sarek’s sudden drop-in last week and now this… _What a great first impression to make_ , she thought darkly.

Sev looked up at her approach, alerted by the rapid _click-click_ of her irritated footsteps.  He raised a brow uncertainly.  Amanda took a breath.  “Sev, I need to speak with Sarek.”

“He is preparing for a council session in his office with Soran, _T’Sai_ …” Sev began, but before he could get another word out Amanda marched through the door. Sev stood, not sure whether he should retrieve the ambassador’s unannounced visitor or not.

Sarek and Soran looked up at her abrupt entrance.

“You sent a security detail to my classroom to escort me back here,” she began without preamble, her voice accusatory.

“Yes,” Sarek replied, wondering why she was stating the obvious.

“Sarek, that’s enough!” Amanda fumed.  “This is too much.  I’m not an ambassador.  I can get myself to and from my work without needing embassy and Starfleet – _Starfleet!_ – guards.   Interrupting a staff meeting is bad enough.  Now you’re disrupting my work environment _and_ my students. Call them off, now!”

Soran uneasily exchanged glances with Sev, who was standing awkwardly in the doorway.  The aide began to rise to leave, but Sarek stopped him with a raised hand as he calmly replied to his agitated Human wife.

“My wife, the security is necessary because you are an ambassador’s wife.  It is logical.  Further—”

She interrupted him, her eyes flashing. “Sarek, you didn’t even tell me! When they arrived unexpectedly like that I thought something had happened to you!  How would you like it if I sent a squad of officers into Council during one of your sessions, unannounced?  What would you think?”

Sarek realized that this was not going to be resolved easily.  Seeking to deflect the matter until they could talk privately, he stood and crossed to his wife, raising his paired fingers.

“My wife, let us discuss this—” His brows flew up as she interrupted him again.

Fed up and not in the mood to be told her anger was illogical, Amanda cut him off, avoiding his touch.  “Oh, no,” she said with an emphatic shake of her head. “I am not speaking to you any more about this or anything else until I hear an apology.  After I've cooled off.  Right now, I have… work to do.” Turning on her heel, she curtly murmured, “Excuse me, Soran, Sev,” before making her escape. She did need some time to cool off.

In the awkward silence spawned by her departure, Sev discreetly melted away, leaving Sarek staring at the doorway.  Feeling his friend’s eyes upon him, he turned in his direction.  “Soran, I regret that you were witness to such an emotional display.”   He paused uncomfortably.  “It appears that I… lack some skill in diffusing these situations.”

“All is silent,” Soran reassured him.  “If I may be of assistance…” he continued, and before Sarek could shake his head in the negative, the aide was already tapping on his PADD.

His friend momentarily occupied, Sarek reflected. It was possible he had erred in not informing his wife of his actions ahead of time.  However, the means to rectify this situation now was not obvious.  If there were such a conflict between Vulcan spouses, the correct course of action would be to discuss the problem logically and reach an agreement.  If one had made an error, it would be acknowledged then and the matter resolved.  This method was not currently available to him, however, as Amanda was refusing to speak to him.  Reluctantly, he concluded that he would have to find a Human method of making amends with his wife.

Soran spoke up.  “ _S’haile_ , this may be useful,” he said, holding up his PADD.

Sarek read aloud over his aide’s shoulder, “‘Relationship troubles: what to do when she’s not speaking to you’?” He was puzzled. “Soran, how did you find a reference such as this?”

Soran hesitated just a moment before plunging ahead, hoping the _kevet duta_ r would not find his actions overreaching.  “Following your bonding to _T’Sai_ Amanda, I … conducted some research.  I thought such information would perhaps prove… useful,” he allowed. “There is a great deal of this ‘relationship advice,’ as it is called, available for both Human males and females.”  He continued in a softer tone, aware that his friend was unsettled, “Apparently, the skills to handle these situations are by no means universal, even among Humans themselves.”

Sarek relaxed a little and quirked a brow. “Indeed; it would seem so.” Then, for he could not contain his curiosity, he asked, “Do you see anything that might be relevant?”

The two pored over Soran’s PADD for several minutes. A good deal of what they perused was incomprehensible to the pair of Vulcans, and Sarek privately hoped that he would never personally encounter many of the situations described. Finally, Soran found a section that seemed to address remedies for Sarek’s problem.

“‘Send flowers,’” he read.  Sarek tilted his head.  Soran continued, “‘A bouquet of roses or her favorite flower is often the perfect way to say you’re sorry.’”

Sarek thought back to the large bunch of cut roses a Human male had once sent to Amanda at the embassy _. Had that male been intending to apologize for something?  It obviously failed to work in his favor,_ he thought, only the slightest bit smugly.  In his case, however, simply making such an offering seemed a very imprecise means of communication – how would she know exactly what he was ‘apologizing’ for? _Perhaps I should have informed her of it, but there is nothing wrong with the security detail itself_.  Besides, he found cut and dying vegetation rather unappealing.

“Flowers are illogical,” he declared.

Soran continued reading.  “‘Whether you’re wrong or not, apologize.  Say you’re sorry and then tell her how much you love her.’”  Both Vulcans avoided each other’s gazes.  “Perhaps the option of flowers is less problematic, _S’haile_ ,” Soran offered.

Sarek considered.  Indeed, it was not logical to apologize when one was not in error. The Vulcan way seemed a superior course of action after all.  She might not want to speak with him, but he would overcome her objections. He was an accomplished diplomat, after all.

Sarek stood and addressed his friend.  “Reviewing this research has been… interesting, Soran. I believe our preparations for the council session are nearly complete.  Therefore, you will excuse me.”  The ambassador departed, resolute.

Alone now in the office, Soran whispered into the air, “‘ _Nufau au sochya – yi dungi ma tu sochya,’ k’war’ma’khon t'nash-veh..._ (‘Offer them peace, and you will have peace,’* my brother-by-choice)…”

 

Sarek found Amanda in her former suite, recently repurposed into a home office.  He buzzed for entrance, and was surprised to hear her speak before she even opened the door.

“I don’t want to talk yet, Sarek.” 

_Perhaps she is more emotional about this than even I had assumed._   “I wish to speak with you, _Aduna_ ,” he said through the door.

“Well, I don’t.”

“Amanda, please open the door so we may at least agree on a time to speak.”

There was a long pause, and then Amanda opened the door only far enough to peek out at him in annoyance.

Sarek forged ahead.  “Perhaps at end-meal we could—”

She shook her head.  “I’ve ordered food in.  I’ve got a lot of work,” she said shortly.

“Then before retiring—”

“In fact, I may be working all night.”

_She will not be returning to our quarters tonight?_  Sarek was alarmed at this.  His strategy of logically explaining his position before making any concessions required immediate adjustment.

“ _Aduna_ ,” he began slowly, “I… regret… not informing you adequately of my plans.” _This is rather difficult_ , he thought, but continued.  “I cherish thee, Amanda.”

Amanda’s eyes softened, and she slid the door open slightly wider.  “I love you, Sarek. Those guards scared me this afternoon.  I was afraid for you, and then to find out it was all just a…” she bit back several derogatory adjectives from the tip of her tongue, “a security escort, of all things…” she trailed off, and Sarek could see the distress in her eyes.

“I regret that my actions distressed you, _Aduna_ ,” Sarek apologized a second time. “I would like the opportunity to make amends,” he said quietly.

“That’s easy: get rid of the guards,” she told him flatly.

“I cannot do that, my wife.  We have seen that even reasonably vigilant security measures can easily be overcome on Terra.  I would be… willing, however, to discuss ways to make them less intrusive for you. It is my duty to keep you safe,” he concluded, his voice growing ever so slightly huskier.

“Maybe after end meal, Sarek,” Amanda reluctantly allowed.

“Perhaps we should have end meal now,” he suggested, reaching paired fingers through the door to gently stroke her cheek.

At this moment, Soran happened to cross the adjoining hallway.   Seeing the ambassador, head bent and fingers extended, murmuring quietly to his wife through the partially open door, the chief of staff reminded himself, _all is silent_ , and he continued on his way.

Conflicting thoughts warred in Amanda’s head. She didn’t want to feel like a prisoner on her own world simply to assuage Sarek’s fears.  That’s what his concerns were, as ironic as that seemed.  He was fearless toward anything that he might face himself, she knew, but where she was concerned it was another story entirely.  Still, she refused to have her life dictated by fear – his, hers or anyone else’s. 

On the other hand, her cheek warmed by his touch, she could sense his powerful emotions for her, some of which she understood well and some of which were frankly alien.  She reconsidered.  _Perhaps he is driven by needs in this that I don’t fully comprehend_. _Maybe we can compromise on this, too._

She looked up at him.  “I’m not really hungry…”

“Then it is logical that we continue our discussion.” He continued stroking her cheek. “May I come in?”

Amanda’s mouth curved in a lopsided grin. She knew where this was going. “Sarek, if I let you in, we won’t get to that discussion.  Tell me how you’re going to keep those guards out of sight and out of mind for me.”

Sarek’s voice pitched lower, and she felt a different type of warmth coursing through his fingers.  “You should allow me in, my wife.  My proposed approach may require a… demonstration…”

Amanda bit her lip, as if considering.

His eyes lit with fire then and she did not object when he reached inside to the control, sliding the door open enough for him to enter, and then closing it again behind him.

The next day, guards discreetly at a distance, Amanda arrived at Berkeley to find the entrance to her office there temporarily blocked by at least a dozen large, blooming, potted rose bushes.

Years later, staff members would recount that the rose garden on the embassy’s grounds originated as a “Vulcan-Terran diplomatic exercise.”

\----

* Quotation of Surak

 


	15. Eye Openers

## Eye-openers

 

Three Earth weeks later, Sarek sat alone in the common area of the _Surak_ as it winged its way through subspace back toward Earth.  A Federation Ambassador was, of course, required to travel to multiple worlds in the course of his or her duties, and the first of these off-world assignments had presented itself two weeks prior. 

The people of Delta Triciatu IV had applied for membership in the Federation. An advanced and peaceful society, ratification of their application seemed likely.  Finalizing the official treaty, however, had run into some unexpected snags.

"My wife, I have news," he had begun when he informed her before end-meal one evening.  "I have been requested to assist the delegation now drafting a Federation membership agreement with the Deltans.   It is logical that I provide assistance. Therefore, I must travel to the Deltan home world, Seyalia, in eight days' time.”

“Oh, I wish I could come with you!” Amanda exclaimed, “But I can't.  I have classes to teach before midterms, and it wouldn’t be right to delegate them to someone else.” Her disappointment was evident even as she made a valiant attempt to maintain a neutral expression. “I’ll miss you.”

“We will continue to sense one another through the bond,” he responded with Vulcan practicality.  Then he raised his eyes to hers and added quietly, “Nevertheless, I… regret… that I shall not be here with you.”

She gave him a tender look, touched by the feeling voiced in his admission.  Then, not wanting to embarrass him, she changed the subject.

“Why were you asked to join the delegation in the middle of the negotiations?” she asked.

"The current team members are having some difficulty meeting at length with members of the Deltan delegation, due to certain aspects of Deltan physiology.  There was, apparently, a… regrettable incident with another Federation ambassador, and as a result I was asked to assist.”

“Oh my goodness!” Amanda exclaimed, laughing despite her best effort not to, for she was aware of at least the basics of Deltan physiology and culture. They were beings of advanced sensory abilities, extremely sensuous natures and nearly irresistible pheromones that often overwhelmed other humanoids.

"And how will you manage?" she asked him teasingly, expecting a brief lecture on the virtues of Vulcan control.

"There will be nothing to manage, Amanda," he had calmly replied, as though he thought she knew this.  "Because I am bonded to you."

He had not fully understood her tearful reaction to his factual statement, why she insisted upon inaccurately, emotionally characterizing it as “romantic,” nor why she proceeded to shower him with kisses.   Somehow, they never did have dinner that night.

Now, finally, the talks concluded and the delegation on its way back to Terra, Sarek retired to his quarters aboard the _Surak_ to meditate and re-center, away from the need to focus on the negotiations and from the jangling emotions of the undisciplined and unsettled minds of the other Federation negotiators, themselves disturbed by the Deltans’ overpoweringly sensual presence.

Some of his colleagues in the delegation had grumbled about Sarek’s comparative ease working with the Deltans.  And it was true; he remained unaffected, their intense pheromones and sensuous, sub-conscious telepathy wafting past him like so much empty air.  But it was the Deltan chief negotiator who understood the truth, perhaps more than Sarek wished to have revealed.

At the conclusion of the talks, the lead Deltan, a striking female named Ilaetia, had called him aside.  Appraising him appreciatively, she began by indicating that she was speaking for speaking for several in her delegation.

“We are grateful for your assistance in this important matter, Ambassador.  You have proven yourself to be a friend of Seyalia.”  She spoke more quietly, and her voice took on a more throaty tone. “As an expression of our gratitude, we invite you to… mingle with us, as you possess a powerful aura, and your body and mind are strong.  I believe you will find it a gratifying experience.”

Sarek had stood silent for a moment, contemplating the diplomatic delicacy of the situation before him.  But before he could tactfully decline, explain that the ways of his people precluded such an activity, Ilaetia blinked slowly and spoke again. 

“Ah.  Do not be concerned, Sarek of Vulcan.  I should have ascertained this sooner.  It is evident that the scent of another already holds you. We have heard that Vulcans are exclusive to their mates.  That your tie to yours is particularly inviolate is apparent to me.  Please accept our words only at this time as our thanks.”  

Grateful to have avoided offending the Deltan, Sarek was nonetheless mystified as to how she drew her conclusion.

Before settling into his meditative trance, Sarek took a moment to examine his inner state.   He found that he was… acutely aware of Amanda’s absence.  Of course he still sensed her presence in his mind through the bond ( _and that should be sufficient, should it not?_ ), but he found that not perceiving her presence with his other senses as well left an emptiness that he found quite disagreeable.

It was not concern for her safety that disturbed him, for a change. Intelligence reports analyzed by the embassy were free of hostile indications local to Terra for the time being, and he was satisfied with the new security detail he had recently put in place.  Highly redundant and unobtrusive, it had performed quite effectively in a variety of situations, all without drawing the attention of his wife – a critically important requirement.  As a result, however, he could not discern a logical reason for his unsatisfactory mental state.

When attempting to dispel the unpleasant sensation through discipline alone failed to entirely succeed, he resorted to recalling satisfying memories of his _aduna_.  The calming sight of her, her smile when she saw him, the pleasant sounds of her voice, her laughter, and yes, the distinctiveness of her scent.  He recalled the first time he noticed it…

_Early_ _November_ _, 2228_

_They had been walking in the city when they encountered some sort of street celebration – one of the many that were common – and the sidewalk space suddenly narrowed.  A large throng approached them, following along with the procession in the street and allowing only single-file passage in the direction they were going._

_Amanda slipped in front of him, deftly avoiding the oncoming crush of people, but stepping squarely into his personal space.  “I’m sorry,” she murmured, looking up at him, but he merely bent his head in acknowledgement. It had been unavoidable._

_In their suddenly close quarters, however, he could not help inhaling her scent.  It immediately struck him less as strictly Human but rather more… intriguing._ _Somehow… soft.  Her fragrance was decidedly feminine and vaguely floral, although not of the flowers of his world._ Exotic. Female _.   It wound its away around and into his senses and he was momentarily mesmerized.  Dr. Grayson’s features were aesthetically pleasing and she was healthy – these characteristics he had observed before – but what struck him now was_ _how_ _this aspect of her femininity particularly resonated with him at this moment, with his male being._

_His mind first seized on the intellectual puzzle._   _On any given day, between 45.67% and 56.92% of the individuals with whom he interacted were female. So why, then, did he take note of Dr. Grayson’s characteristics more so than any other?_ _He was forced to admit that he did, in fact, appreciate multiple aspects of Dr. Grayson’s being, and now, this… It was neither expected nor logical that he should react_ _this way_ _, as Vulcan to Human, and he wondered why this could be.  He did not have a logical answer._

_So he focused his disciplines to clamp down hard on the impulses his reaction triggered._ Amanda – Dr. Grayson – is a colleague.   I must control accordingly.

_He would discover, however, that he could not entirely.  When they were out walking next, this time in Golden Gate Park, he found himself inviting –_ _virtually_ _commanding – her presence in close proximity again, although for the ostensibly logical reason of protecting her from inclement weather. And rather than trigger a Vulcan’s instinctual reticence from the near contact, it had felt strangely…_ right _._

Sarek’s thoughts returned to the present, but not before he unconsciously inhaled a deep breath inward, searching for her scent.  It was not here in the recycled starship cabin air, as logically it would not be.  Its absence, _her_ absence, left him strangely bereft.  It was illogical. But the Deltan had been right.

ooo

 

The bachelorette party was now months in the past, but some of her friends still worried about the choice Amanda had made. Today she was at lunch with Natalia, one whom she knew was concerned for her.   Over salads and Altair water, it hadn’t taken long for the question to come.

“So… what do you see in him, Amanda?”

Amanda considered her friend.  _I see so much_ _…_ _and I feel so much more,_ she thought, sensing their bond and recalling anew the looks that Sarek would give her, the ones where he stared at her, utterly expressionlessly, and that wordless sense of devotion and possession would roll through her from the bond.

It occurred to her that “see” and “feel” were telling verbs to use in characterizing her relationship with Sarek.  She had denied for months seeing what was right in front of her, steadfastly telling herself that the increasing excitement she felt whenever she found herself in his presence was due to intellectual curiosity and nothing more. In fact, it had been her friend Marcia, ironically, who had seen first what she felt but would not admit…

_Late December, 2228_

_Watching the snow fall outside Marcia’s Cambridge apartment, Amanda filled her close friend in on the things had been keeping her busy._

_“Building most of the database has been one long, repetitive exercise, as you can imagine. But the_ Vulkansu _! You wouldn’t believe how much new material I’ve been able to translate!  Ambassador Sarek has been so generous.  He’s provided us with works that haven’t even been published off of Vulcan.” Amanda’s eyes lit up – and then she frowned. “Oh, darn.”_

_Her host looked at her curiously._

_“I just realized I’ll be missing lunch with Sarek this week,” Amanda murmured, momentarily distracted._

_“’Manda,” Marcia began, probing, “that is the fourth time you’ve brought up this Sarek bloke in the last twenty minutes.”_

_Amanda looked at her friend, startled.  “What? Well, he’s – I mean, Vulcan culture is – fascinating, and he’s been very helpful to the project, that’s all.” She flushed._

_“Oh, really_ _now?” Marcia teased, laughing at her friend’s Freudian slip._

_“You! Stop interrogating me!” Amanda groused, embarrassed.  “You’re putting words in my mouth,” she complained. “We get a lot of work done over lunch, for your information.”_

_Evaluating her friend, Marcia sat back, thoughtfully tapping her stylus against her cheek.  After a moment, she spoke.  “You know what,_ Kunga _?  I have more work here than I thought.  Gotta get it done before break’s over, too. Can ye forgive me if I bug back to work a coupla’ days early?”_

_Amanda gave a guilty start, as if she had again been thinking of something else.   “What?  Oh, no, don’t worry about it, Marcia, I completely understand.  In fact,” she mused, “there are some things I really need to take care of back in San Francisco, too.”_

_She had made it back in time for that lunch._

Summoned back to the present, Amanda carefully speared a forkful of salad before she responded.  “You know, Natalia, if I asked you the same sort of question about Paolo, you would be right to think it a bit rude…”

Natalia grimaced.  “Oh, I know and I’m sorry, Amanda. You know I’m just…”

Now Amanda smiled.  She had been through this line of questioning before.  “Worried about me, I know.  But you needn’t be. I see so much in Sarek; I just really can’t explain it.  I am very happy, though.”

“Why _can_ _’_ _t_ you explain it, though?” Natalia persisted, unconvinced.  “It’s not like you to be inarticulate, Amanda.”

“So I talk that much, do I?” Amanda rejoined and both women laughed. Then her smile faded and she said seriously, “The Vulcan sense of privacy is different than ours, more extensive.  Sarek trusts me, and I can’t – won’t – violate that trust.”

“But does he care for you, though?  I thought that was something Vulcans didn’t do.”

“Vulcans don’t express themselves the way we do; that much is true.  But I believe he does.”

Natalia met her friend’s solemn blue eyes and knew she would get no further.  “So I guess I’ll have to trust you, too, that this is right for you.”

“Yes,” Amanda acknowledged. “And yes, it is right for me,” she added, heartfelt. “I promise you that!” 

With that Amanda looked up at the sky.  Sarek was due home tonight from his first trip away since they were married.  She had felt his absence viscerally in the days he was gone, and now felt a keen sense of anticipation with his imminent return.  Although their bond still provided her with a faint sense of his consciousness, it seemed she missed him with a sharpness and an intensity akin to physical pain.  Perhaps the emotions involved were not entirely her own. 

ooo

Although the Vulcan delegation could have just as easily beamed down directly from the _Surak_ into their own embassy, out of courtesy to Federation and Earth security forces they only did so in limited, high priority circumstances.  As a result, Sarek and his team disembarked through Earth’s spaceport upon returning from the Delta Triciatu system.

Amanda rushed to greet the shuttle incoming from the spaceport.  She just caught the embassy flitter as it was leaving to meet the ambassador, earning a look of disapproval from the driver as she slid into her seat barely in time.

The usual throng of reporters was there, no doubt hoping to catch a useful quote from an alien envoy whose different perspectives often provided newsworthy controversy.  No one noticed Amanda’s arrival, for at that moment the gateway doors from the shuttle landing area opened for the Vulcan ambassador’s party.

As they shouted questions in Sarek’s direction, it was obvious the gathered newspeople saw him as a potential meal ticket, a source of breaking news that could garner top vid billing in the morning. Would the Vulcan diplomat provide some startling, alien news item, or make a contentious statement that would roil Human opinion polls?  Sarek’s powerful presence and exotic characteristics were usually very good for ratings.

What Amanda observed was quite different. No matter that his faintly green complexion was unlike any Human’s, that his upswept ears and brows gave him an uncanny resemblance to a variety of mythical Terran creatures, or that he practiced a philosophy whose expression was vastly different from that of most known Humanoids in the galaxy.  She saw her beloved husband, coming home to her at last.

Her breath caught as his tall, robed figure gracefully made its way across the hall, his countenance stoic even as she could feel their bond come alive with his awareness of her presence. Resolving not to embarrass him, Amanda stood her ground alongside his waiting staff rather than run to him, like she wanted to.

At that moment, one of the reporters noticed her standing there, and began shouting a new set of questions toward Sarek. “Ambassador, your wife meeting you here – is that a Vulcan custom as well as a Human one?  Are you glad to see her?  Do you two have any special plans for the evening?”

Sarek continued his journey without reply to Amanda’s side, where he touched two fingers to hers.  “I have no comment at this time,” he responded smoothly, calm but resolute.

Seeking to avoid being frustrated entirely, the reporter changed his tactic.  “Dr. Grayson -- Amanda!  Are you glad your husband is home?”

Recognizing the man from previous press encounters, Amanda simply smiled and shook her head.  “Of course I am, Tony, but that’s all I’m going to say tonight. Good night.”

The pair continued their dignified trek to the waiting flitter into which they disappeared, while the rest of the staff boarded a second hover car. 

In the insulated quiet of the dimly lit interior, Sarek gazed at his bondmate.

“ _Aduna_.”

“Sarek!” Amanda breathed joyfully.  She launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and capturing his mouth with hers.

Sarek concluded it was only logical to respond in kind, heatedly returning her kiss in a manner that left no doubt as to his ultimate intention. Fortunately, the ride to the embassy was a brief one.

They exited the flitter and once again made a dignified journey together, this time inside to their apartments.  As soon as the doors swished closed, his fingers reached for her face.  The impassioned mutual greeting that followed was neither a strictly Vulcan nor Human custom, but one uniquely their own.

ooo

Some weeks later, Sarek gazed out at the vast ocean once again from the top of the sand cliff overlook.  It was relatively calm today, without much of the usual wind, but the water stillmoved.  It moved like the dunes of his planet, though faster and driven by differentforces. The slowly rolling waves looked to him as if the very surface of the planet were undulating. _Disconcerting_.  He pushed the illogical thought away.

Sensing his wife coming to his side, he commented offhand, still watching thewaves, "I am to travel to Chelar in two weeks for the cooperative trade and defensenegotiations."

"The pelagic planet, Rigel III?"

“Yes.”

Amanda turned to her husband with an air of decisiveness. "That settles itthen," she declared emphatically.

Sarek calmly turned toward her, a brow raised in inquiry, for he had no idea to what she was referring.  “What is settled, my wife?”

“Before you leave, I am going to teach you how to swim.”           

“As much as I appreciate the thought,” Sarek rejoined, his voice holding a trace of irony, “swim lessons will not be necessary.”  He had no intention of voluntarily submersing himself in water if he could avoid it.

“Yes, in fact, they are.  It’s about time,” came her firm reply.

“The negotiations will not be held _in_ the water, my wife,” Sarek tried patiently again. “In fact, I doubt we will venture outdoors at all.”

Amanda snorted.  “That’s about as logical as saying you don’t need to learn about the hazards of earthquakes because you don’t plan on being in one.”  Sarek blinked at that.

“You can’t expect the unexpected, that’s all,” she argued.   She gestured at the ocean.  “I can’t believe each member of the Vulcan delegation isn’t required to know how to swim when posted to a mostly water-covered planet.  Which this is,” she added pointedly.

“Amanda, it is neither efficient nor logical to train diplomatic corps members to navigate the full range of environmental conditions that a native might experience. Logic dictates– ”

She cut him off.  “Sarek. Why did you have me thoroughly briefed on dangerous Vulcan life forms before our honeymoon?  Even though I had no intention of making a solo trek into the desert?”

“Because, my wife, even the briefest encounter with any one of them could have fatal consequences.”  Even before the words were out of his mouth, he knew it, and she knew it, too. She had him, game, set and match.

“Exactly, Sarek,” Amanda said gently.  “I know you don’t plan on diving into the ocean here or on Chelar. But you’ve had a close call once in the water.  If you ever found yourself in another situation like that, you’d most likely sink like a stone. And I would never forgive myself.” She beseeched him with her eyes.

Sarek knew that it was very difficult to refuse a request made in this way by his wife. Inwardly, he sighed. The probability that he would be learning to swim in the near future was 89.92%. 

“Let us not resort to emotional entreaties, my wife.”

“This is important to me,” she added, quietly but firmly in a tone that told Sarek she would brook no non-compliance, even from him.  The probability of swim lessons rose to 95.87%.

“I am certain we can reach a logical accommodation. However, it is time now for us to depart.  I have meetings this afternoon, and I believe you do as well.”  With that Sarek strode purposefully toward the waiting flitter, making his escape for the time being.

Amanda followed, appearing not to notice the abrupt change-of-subject.  But she had.  _It’s obvious he_ _wants to avoid this. But I meant what I said; he needs to be safe around the water._   And she was not going to let him off the hook.

ooo

Some hours later, between meetings, Amanda re-appeared at Sarek’s office.  “I have some good news, _Adun_ ,” she informed him brightly. 

“And what is that, _Aduna_?”

“I made a few calls, and we can use one of the swimming pools at Federation Headquarters for your swim lessons.  They’re heated, so it should be comfortable. And since you’re leaving for Chelar so soon, I’ve booked a session for tonight.”

Sarek frowned.

“I’ll meet you there at eight,” she continued briskly, handing him a pair of swim trunks.  “And please wear these.”

“My schedule may not permit such a diversion,” Sarek replied, still attempting to avoid the activity.  His brows climbed as he examined the garment.  “These are rather… abbreviated for public wear.”

“Have you ever spent time at a Terran beach or pool, Sarek?” 

Guessing that she was not referring to her chaotic rescue from the San Francisco bay before their Federation wedding, he shook his head once in the Vulcan gesture for ‘no.’ Given the precarious positions they had both been in at the time, he certainly had not noticed anyone else’s attire.

“These are what’s typically worn – by men, anyway,” she informed him.

“And what do females typically wear?” he asked, suddenly curious.

Amanda smiled, mischief in her eyes.  “I know a good incentive when I see one. You’ll just have to see at eight tonight, won’t you?”

Sarek drew himself up, not pleased at being out-maneuvered. “Very well, my wife. I will indulge this preoccupation of yours this once,” he allowed curtly.

Choosing to be gracious in victory, Amanda offered her husband her two fingers.  “Thank you, _Adun_ ,” she said sweetly before letting herself out.

As she left, Soran entered in preparation for Sarek’s next meeting.  His eyes fell on the swim shorts still in Sarek’s hand and one eyebrow climbed slowly upward. It appeared the ambassador was holding some sort of Terran undergarment – a type of clothing that, he understood, was not supposed to be seen outside of private circumstances.  Whatever the item’s function, seeing it here seemed rather questionable to his Vulcan sensibilities.

Seeing his friend’s dubious glance, Sarek attempted to provide an explanation.  “It is for wearing in the water—”

Now Soran’s other brow joined the first as he visualized what he thought he was hearing.  _Humans mate in the water?_ As much as he approved of Sarek and Amanda’s pairing, this was clearly more information than he needed. He quickly averted his gaze, murmuring, “All is silent, _S’Haile_ …”

Sarek suppressed a sigh in frustration. This swimming obsession of Amanda’s was already becoming tiresome.

ooo

Federation Headquarters housed several swimming pools, as a number of member species required the water to maintain their metabolic equilibria.  This evening, one such pool area was deserted, save for two occupants, and heated to an above-average temperature.

Amanda usually wore a sensible maillot when she swam laps, but tonight a sense of wickedness overtook her and she decided to wear a two-piece instead.  Her tiniest bikini. A friend had bought it for her as a joke; it consisted of a few scant pieces of brightly colored fabric tied with translucent strings.  She’d never had an occasion to wear it – until now. 

“Let’s start off by getting into the water,” she announced in a businesslike fashion, deliberately ignoring Sarek’s gaze as she matter-of-factly removed her modest cover-up and stepped into the pool. Sarek, who had been surveying the pool to ascertain its depth and to identify all possible means of egress, turned toward her at the sound of her feet in the water.

And stopped in his tracks, frozen in place by conflicting impulses.   His wife stood waist-deep in the water, all but naked in this public place. She was undeniably alluring in the colorful – and small -- pieces of fabric that only partially covered her body. He felt the desirous urge to go to her side, even as he did not wish to enter the water, as well as the possessive and decorous impulse to cover her back up immediately.  He could not stifle a small but obvious swallow.

“Sarek cha’ Skon,” Amanda exclaimed, “Are you _staring_ at me?”

“It is not improper for me to gaze upon my wife,” he replied with great dignity, as if he had not just been caught practically ogling his wife’s assets.  

“There’s looking and then there’s _looking_ , _Adun_ ,” Amanda rejoined with a knowing smirk. “Come on now, it’s time to get in the pool,” she reminded him, patting the surface of the water gently as if to demonstrate its harmlessness.

Sarek hesitated still, his eyes again sweeping the pool area before returning his gaze to her.  “This place is secure?”  He definitely did not want others seeing what he was seeing.

Amanda’s smile gentled into one of reassurance. “No one will interrupt us, _Adun_.”

He cautiously removed his robe, his sense of discomfort unrelieved.  His Vulcan control could withstand almost any kind of provocation – but she was his mate. He still did not fully understand the forces of feeling and instinct that surrounded his attachment to her – to _only_ her; he just knew they were profound and often barely controlled.

As he put the robe aside, Amanda stole an appreciative look at his muscled torso and strong legs. Then she noticed that he remained standing at the edge.

“Aren’t you going to get in?”

“A more efficacious approach would be for you to demonstrate the techniques while I observe from this vantage point,” he declared assertively.

Amanda fought down an amused smile.  She recognized that tone of authority, one he frequently used to gain control over boisterous council sessions filled with unruly and illogical delegates.  _Nice try_ , she thought.

“As you are well aware, _Ambassador_ ,” she replied with exaggerated patience, “an essential component of learning a new skill is to actually apply oneself by using it.  Now, without further stalling tactics, into the pool, please.”

Sarek gave her a sharp look but stepped down onto the first step nonetheless. The feel of the water around his ankles was disconcerting and he pulled one foot partway back up in reaction.  The water was not frigid but it would need to be several degrees warmer for it to qualify as “comfortable,” in his opinion. “Is this truly necessary, Amanda?” he asked, just a shade testily.

“Yes, I’m afraid it is,” she replied sympathetically. “You really don’t like this, do you?”  He did not reply, and did not move further into the water. 

She stepped closer, beckoning to him.  “It’s not so bad, really…  _Tsk_ , such a big housecat!” she teased, eyes dancing.

Realizing he could at least accomplish the objective of reaching his wife – something he wished to do promptly -- Sarek banished the unpleasant sensations and complied.  But just as he reached for her at the bottom of the steps, Amanda smoothly glided away, out of range.  “Let’s not get distracted, Husband.  Cooperation will be rewarded, however.”  He suppressed a stab of pique at his evasive mate.

Careful to remain beyond his reach, Amanda instructed her husband on the first technique he needed to learn, how to float.   The results were predictable for one with the muscular-skeletal density of a Vulcan: he did indeed sink like a stone.

Fortunately, Sarek was in less than one meter of water. As he scrambled to get his legs under him to stand while coughing and blinking the water out of his eyes, Amanda took pity on her normally highly capable husband.

“Here, let me help,” she said, moving closer and coaxing him to again attempt to lie supine at the water’s surface.  “Now try taking a big breath inward. Relax, tip your head back…”

Again he complied, wanting the lesson over as soon as possible.  Relaxation was quite difficult, however, with his barely clad _aduna_ so close.  He succeeded in remaining afloat, his nose and mouth barely above water. 

“There, you’re getting it,” he heard her say. Then she practically purred, “I guess the rumors that you’re full of hot air are untrue, my dear…”

Sarek unintentionally sucked in a mouthful of water at that moment, causing him to splutter and splash to his feet. He forcefully suppressed his frustration.  He was not used to having so little control over a situation – nor for that matter, to Amanda having so much control over him.

Amanda again swiftly glided away before he could attempt to reach for her.   “Next, we’ll tread water…”  It was annoyingly clear to him that the fastest way to end this ordeal was to comply with all of her wishes.   To do so, he would need to control his emotions more effectively.  As well as, he realized, his growing arousal… _How could she be so enticing in this inhospitable element?_

Six point seven five minutes later – _it seemed like an eternity_ – he heard her soft voice praising him.  “That’s wonderful, Sarek!  You learned that very quickly.”

“So we are finished, then?”  He had endured in silence, and now felt a flight of hope.

“Not just yet,” Amanda replied in honeyed tones. “Let’s get you doing a basic swim stroke first.”  She kicked past him languidly on her back.  His jaw muscles tightened until they ached.

“Now watch me…” she began (unnecessarily, he thought, for his eyes were riveted on her), “You’ll combine a prone floating posture with arm strokes and leg kicks, like so…”

Her body rolled from side to side, gracefully exaggerating the movements she was demonstrating.  Sarek wondered at the tensile strength of those thin bikini strings before applying himself to imitating her crawl stroke.

_Is that a bulge in his trunks?_ Amanda wondered momentarily.

She was distracted from that question as, after a few halting attempts, Sarek suddenly and impressively swam across the pool, his powerful arms and legs propelling him through the water.  He reached the other end and then swam back to his wife.  He reached for her, and this time his hands found her soft skin.  He wanted to haul her out of the water that instant and perform any number of indecent actions on her nearly naked body – but they were still in a public place.

Instead, with tight control, he shielded his thoughts and gripped her arms.  “I have mastered the required techniques,” he declared brusquely.

“Indeed you have,” Amanda murmured, looking up curiously into his dark eyes.  She could feel the trembling tension in him.  Thinking he was uncomfortable in the water, she offered, “There’s a nice sauna here, if you want to warm up…”

“No.  We shall return home.  Now.”

Amanda’s eyes widened at his tone but she allowed him to bundle her into her cover-up anyway.  She could understand if he just wanted to return to the embassy and change clothes. 

A quick stop under the drying sonic, and then they were out the door toward the waiting embassy flitter.   She slid into the limo while Sarek spoke to the security guard outside.

“I think that was a success,” she said lightly when he joined her inside.  “Next time we can set the water temperature higher if you prefer.”

The privacy screen was raised, in what seemed to have become embassy protocol since their bonding, and the lights were low in the car, shrouding Sarek’s face in shadow.  Amanda jumped in surprise when she heard him growl in response, “We shall negotiate the terms of my return to this venue at a later time.” Instantly the air sizzled with electricity.  “As much as I appreciate your efforts to ensure my safety,” he breathed, “I must do the same.” 

Then he moved, in sudden, fluid motion pressing her down onto the bench seat, pulling her cover-up up open and slipping his fingers under the translucent strings on one side of her bikini bottom. “No one shall see you in this but I,” he declared in a voice roughened with desire.

The strong fingers jerked once, and Amanda gasped as she felt the strings snap and the tiny triangle of fabric fall to one side, exposing her. 

She sucked in a startled breath, staring at him. _He’s aroused all right, much more than he let on._   Before she could articulate or think anything more his body was pressed against hers and she was welcoming his fingers on her face, awash in a sea of his desire.

_//I trust you concur this is a prudent course of action,//_ his mind voice growled. Her skin was tingling from his touch and oh, how she wanted him, but…

_//Sarek, we’re in a flitter!//_

_//We have privacy.//_

_//Recording devices??//_

_//Neutralized.//_

_//The ride is so short--//_

_//It will be lengthened.//_

_//But the guards--//_

_//You are my wife. This is none of their concern.//_

Indecision reigned for a tense moment as Amanda’s embarrassment warred with the intense sensations he was creating in her mind and with his free hand.  She whimpered. Suddenly the meld was broken, and Amanda watched Sarek kneel on the floor of the flitter, his hands now on her thighs.

“You promised that cooperation would be rewarded,” he whispered darkly, and that was the last thing she heard before his hot, wet tongue destroyed all of her defenses in a single, erotic probe. She gasped his name, then moaned, and suddenly it was she who was imploring him.

“Oh!  Yes… oh, _Sarek!_   _Please_ …!” She cried out as her resistance crumbled and all she could do was beg, beg desperately, for him to continue. She soon lost even that ability to articulate as he teased her body into a lustful frenzy. She writhed on the seat, open and wanton before him as the flitter sped through the night to she-cared-not-where. 

Only Sarek could do this to her.  Only he could transmute such passion into inexpressible pleasure, could inspire her to do the things she did for him, with him.   Only he could capture her soul, now and forever, as he had.  She loved him with every iota of her life force.

And only his wife could drive Sarek to such actions. Only Amanda.  She was his mate, half of his soul, and his very life. Only in the privacy of their mutual world would he reveal this side of himself, would he surrender to the deep well of passion that fueled their bond.  And surrender he did.

Sarek was silent as he worked his magic, but his satisfaction at her reactions bled through the bond.  As did his own intensifying arousal.  His ardor for his wife was a deliciously increasing tension that would continue to build until—

He felt her muscles suddenly clench, and she screamed his name as her orgasm hit her hard. Awash in her cool wetness, he buried his face within her to finish her off.

Her thighs were still trembling as he crawled up her body, his own arousal now a burning, urgent need.  “My wife?” he rasped as his fingers again reached for her face.

The whimpered, incoherent affirmation was all he needed as his surging heat penetrated her most private place.  He moved within her demandingly, possessing her just as her desperate moans urged him to do.  It was not long before he felt her climax begin anew. His own excitement, equal counterpoint to the frustration and tension that had built up in him over the past few hours, reached its peak as she sang out her ecstatic cries.

A final, powerful thrust and waves of intense, almost painful pleasure crashed over them, one after the other.  Their bodies trembled in harmony for several long seconds as their minds, thusly pleasured and suddenly exhausted, curled together.

_//I love you…//_

_//I cherish thee, K’diwa.//_

Sarek settled back into the flitter seat, holding her in his arms.  Finally relaxed, he closed his eyes until they reached the embassy at the end of their circuitous journey. He gently scooped her up out of the flitter and carried her inside.  When the sentry could not contain a curious stare, the ambassador simply commented, “Teaching water safety is a rather taxing activity.” Amanda quietly mumbled a retort into his chest, but she was smiling.

ooo

 


	16. Understanding

## Understanding

 

His time sense alerted him.  Interrupting his preparations for tomorrow’s conference sessions on Antares IX, Sarek arose and made his way to the space dock. Amanda’s transport would be arriving momentarily from Earth. 

His brow furrowed momentarily when the premium passengers disembarked and there was no Amanda.  A few minutes later she emerged with the economy passengers, her security escort T’Lina at her side.

Dutifully bringing Amanda to the _kevet-dutar_ , T’Lina went to arrange for their luggage to be delivered.  Sarek, meanwhile, looked down at his wife with disapprobation.  “Where is the rest of the security detail?” he demanded.

“I came with T’Lina.  I didn’t think the others were necessary,” she answered, unconcerned.

Sarek’s brows furrowed more deeply.  “I do not approve of you unilaterally reducing the level of security that I have deemed necessary.”

“Sarek,” Amanda replied, now a little exasperated, “I didn’t need that whole detail.  We would have had to book the premium compartment, all of it.  It would have been an illogical waste of resources,” she finished, her chin jutting out at him.

Deciding to forego mentioning that he had, in fact, intended for her to travel in premium class, he continued, unwilling to let the matter drop.  “I would not have specified the detail if it were not necessary.  There have been at least two attacks on civilian vessels in this sector in the past one hundred days.  You must be adequately protected.”

“Well I’m here, and I’m just fine,” Amanda muttered. She was disappointed by his stern reception. She had traveled on a large, reputable starliner with an impeccable safety record, so surely she couldn’t have been at much risk.  And they hadn’t seen each other in three weeks; he had been on Chelar and she had had to give an intensive seminar at Harvard that required her to stay over. It was the first time they had been apart for so long since their wedding. 

Sarek offered her his two fingers briefly in a perfunctory _oz’hesta_ and then took her briefcase.  “I shall assign additional security to you from the delegation.  Let us go to our rooms.”

 _Well, it’s nice to see you, too,_ she thought peevishly as she trailed behind.

Although he did not show it, Sarek had much to occupy his thoughts.  This was the first off-planet conference Amanda had attended with him, and it was unfortunate that the delegate list had only a day ago been expanded to include several representatives from non-Federation worlds.  Sarek had agreed that it presented an excellent diplomatic opportunity to engage some of these worlds on issues of piracy and joint security; however, for him personally, it also demanded heightened attention to on-location safety and security with his wife here, especially since several of these added delegations represented worlds with less-than-exemplary reputations. A few were rumored to engage in piracy themselves, and even in trafficking in sentient beings, although the allegations remained unproven.

He had considered sending Amanda back to Earth, but concluded it was safer to have her at his side rather than spend further time _en route_ in this sector. He would need to devote additional time preparing to meet with the new attendees.  Complicating matters, there was no consensus among the existing conference members about how to address the issues facing them, including how to deal with the increasing lawlessness and rumors of possible Klingon involvement. The addition of the new delegates added further uncertainty to his negotiation strategy.  He would have to remain vigilant across several fronts.

Reaching their rooms, he deposited her, and was turning to leave again.  “I have meetings before the general session, my wife,” he declared.

“Now wait a minute, Mister…” Amanda detained him by leaning up to plant a kiss on his lips.  “Don’t I even get a kiss hello?”

Momentarily distracted from his busy agenda, Sarek allowed one side of his mouth to tilt upward slightly.  “You are very Human, my wife,” he replied. Before she could offer a retort, however, and notwithstanding his last statement, he kissed her back, quite firmly.  Then he departed.

Somewhat appeased, Amanda quickly unpacked before turning to the project she was most interested in.  Part of the reason she had wanted to attend this conference, in addition to joining her husband, was the fact that the home world of a newly space-faring species was located a mere three light-years from here. The Xantans possessed a unique and not well-understood language that she was eager to investigate.   She could easily hire a transport from Antares to take her there.  The opportunity to conduct some first-hand interviewing and research was simply too good to pass up. 

A brief investigation and a subspace communiqué confirmed her arrangements.  Pleased and excited, she changed for the evening’s opening reception, eager to join Sarek again and inform him of her plans. 

She opened the door to find T’Lina waiting for her, along with two more Vulcan security guards further down the hallway. T’Lina had been assigned as her personal guard after she and Sarek bonded; still, she hadn’t expected the Vulcan woman to accompany her inside the conference itself, let alone these others.  Suddenly reminded of the many security-related decisions Sarek had made on her behalf since their marriage, Amanda resolved to gain a better understanding of it all from T’Lina.

“T’Lina,” she ventured, “Forgive me, but I’m curious. Sarek and I have known each other for almost two Earth years, and during that time, I don’t recall him placing such an emphasis on security.  Why all the guards after we married?  And especially here?”

“As a Federation Ambassador’s wife, you are a potential target, _T’Sai_ ,” T’Lina replied. “ _S’haile_ Sarek seeks to protect you from such threats.”

“Yes, but why so much now?” Amanda pressed, still mystified and concerned that there was some interstellar political danger of which she was unaware, something that could threaten Sarek as well.

Quite uncharacteristically for her, T’Lina hesitated, seeking to balance between conflicting loyalties.  It was illogical not to be truthful, and yet she was uncertain the impact her words would have…  “This sector is a volatile one,” she began carefully, “and so there is reason for caution. However…” The young Vulcan hesitated again, causing Amanda to stare at her in surprise, “… your perception that _S’haile_ Sarek has developed these concerns only recently is… somewhat flawed.”

“What do you mean, T’Lina?” Amanda asked, her brow creasing in puzzlement.

The guard met Amanda’s eyes.  “The _kevet-dutar_ has been concerned for your safety for some time.”

“How so?” Amanda demanded, more sharply than she intended.

T’Lina considered for a moment.  Revealing what had occurred in the past should not compromise her superior’s objectives in the present.  _And doing so may perhaps help the Human to understand,_ she reasoned.

“I offer one such situation as an example, _T’Sai_.  There was an evening when you were to meet _S’haile_ Sarek in Golden Gate Park.  He assigned Stell and me to ensure that you arrived without incident. Unobtrusively, so as not invade your privacy, of course.” T’Lina knew Amanda would remember the event.  It was the night the pair had bonded.  She would not mention that she knew this fact, naturally; to do so would be an unacceptable breach of privacy.

Amanda’s eyes widened at this revelation. “‘Of course’…” she repeated, stunned.  “And… how long has this been going on?” she asked, resolved to find out the full extent of that of which she had been ignorant.

“For approximately nineteen point six Terran months.”

Quickly calculating backward, Amanda exclaimed, “That’s two Novembers ago!”

“You are correct,” T”Lina acknowledged impassively.

 “I -- I barely knew him then!” Amanda blurted, growing indignant.   _Just where did Sarek get off thinking he could -- ?_

Her thought was interrupted when T’Lina spoke again. “ _S’haile_ Sarek’s actions are not unexpected for a Vulcan male, particularly a S’chn T’gai.”

Amanda just looked at her bodyguard, flabbergasted.

“It is his duty to protect you as his bondmate, and as his intended beforehand,” T’Lina added in an attempt to clarify.

Amanda nodded numbly.  T’Lina seemed to think this behavior was normal, although Amanda knew that, had any Human male attempted something similar, she would have run far, far away, and fast. As most Human women would have.  The realization left her shaken, not only because she didn’t fully understand Sarek’s motivations, but also because it was suddenly obvious that such cultural differences -- or misinterpretations thereof -- easily could have prevented them from finding one another in the first place.

 _I can’t focus on this now,_ she thought.  She needed to find her husband; they had a conference to attend together, and she had research to conduct.  This topic could wait.

ooo

The conference was larger than she expected, and Amanda was pleased to see a number of academics of her acquaintance in attendance. Not all were friendly, however. As she stood still for a moment, searching for Sarek in the crowd, she overheard a vaguely familiar voice behind her.

“That’s her alright.  She’s the one who married the Vulcan.”  The man’s companion said something unintelligible and then he spoke again.  “Yeah, I know.  Even if it’s not a real marriage, maybe it is a great way to latch onto unlimited grant money from Vulcan!”  The second man laughed, and his tone was derisive.

Amanda was furious.  Perhaps she had ignored these mean-spirited comments one too many times.  _This is at least one I can respond to_.  Before she thought any further, she smoothly turned toward the voices, not surprised to find the first man’s voice belonged to a researcher she had met once before – and with whom she had been unimpressed.

“Hello… Martin,” she greeted him, eyeing his nametag. “You know, I’ve never had a problem securing legitimate grants for my research.  Perhaps, though, you can tell me what it’s li—“

“My wife, attend.”  Sarek’s deep, commanding baritone resonated behind her and she turned to see him with fingers outstretched, expectantly.  She sighed inwardly and went to him. _So much for responding_.

Sarek did not even favor the two men with a glance as he led her away.  Instead he looked down at his wife for an explanation. 

“I was just about to give those two a piece of my mind – ” she began with frustration in her voice,  “ – before you dragged me away.  What a rude thing to suggest about both of us!”

“My wife, you do yourself a disservice when you respond to such provocations,” Sarek chastised.  Amanda’s face burned, realizing both that he was right and that now she looked like a disobedient child being led off to be disciplined. _Not the impression I wanted to make_.

Well, she had more important things to look forward to. “If you insist, _Adun_.  But you needn’t be concerned about me having another run-in with them. I’ve got the most fantastic research opportunity,” she began as she informed him of her plans.

Sarek regarded her silently for a moment when she finished. “It is unfortunate that the instability in this sector precludes such a trip.  You can no doubt conduct the interviews via subspace, however.”

She just stared at him.  “What, Sarek?  Subspace is a terribly poor medium for this sort of thing.  And I’m already all the way out here. This is a unique opportunity to meet with the Xantans.  _In person_ ,” she finished with emphasis.

“My wife, not only is interstellar traffic in this area at risk in general at this time, but you would be a particularly susceptible target.”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake, Sarek.  Why would anyone care about where some researcher goes in this quadrant?”

“You are not ‘some researcher,’ Amanda. You are a Federation Ambassador’s wife.”

“Sarek, this is my _work_!”

“And this is my work, and you are my wife.”

Amanda huffed impatiently.  “I’m getting sick of hearing that.”

She was startled as he quickly turned to face her. His face was still impassive, but he stared at her with a particular intensity she had not seen before. “What do you mean, Amanda?” he asked quietly.

“I’m tired of being told all the things I can’t or shouldn’t do because I’m your wife.”

His expression closed, and Amanda wondered if he had heard something she hadn’t meant.

“Look, Sarek,” she began again, “I don’t mean I’m sick of being your wife – of course not.  I just don’t like that being the reason why I can’t do the things I need to do.”

“Such as needlessly endanger yourself?” he asked curtly.

As Amanda stared angrily up into his implacable gaze, she realized that she rarely, if ever, had seen him direct that intimidating look toward her.  Not that she was going to let him know she was the least bit fazed.  “I am _not_ going to simply forego important research because of some incident months ago somewhere that has nothing to do with me,” she asserted.

He ignored her statement.  “I will arrange for a dedicated subspace channel for you, and you will conduct your research from here.  It is illogical to consider otherwise.”  His voice was firm.

“I – I am _not_ new to interstellar field research,” Amanda sputtered.  “And I’m not some _child_ , either,” she fumed.

“Amanda.  You will do this.”

“Why, just because you say so?” she bristled further.

“Yes.  It is for your safety.”

Incredulous for a moment, she opened her mouth to argue further when he touched his two fingers to hers.

_//Confidential intelligence reports suggest increased attacks on civilian ships are likely during or after this conference.  Additional safety measures are being implemented, but I cannot allow you to travel alone in such an atmosphere.//_

_Nuts,_ Amanda thought.  She could sense through the bond that he was sincerely concerned for her safety, and that he believed the threat was real.  Nevertheless, she wondered what was to become of her career – was it from now on to play a subservient role to that of Ambassador’s wife?  She didn’t like the idea of that at all.

Sensing her disquiet, Sarek murmured, “There are always alternatives, my wife.”  But before she could engage him further, he declared the matter closed by changing the subject.  “Come. There are introductions.”

ooo

The introductions seemed to drag on and on. Each one was followed by a lengthy discussion between Sarek and the other diplomats on the appropriate responses to piracy in the quadrant and to possible Klingon incursions. After a time, Amanda begged off for some refreshment.  Sarek was too intent on his informal negotiations to accompany her, so she found a group of Federation scientists to join in conversation near the musical entertainment. A little while later, when she noticed her husband greeting an Orion delegate, she thought little of it.

It was immediately clear to Sarek why Gormak-il, an Orion representing one of the Orion trade syndicates, sought to be present at the conference.  He was opposed to any sort of organized response to piracy in the sector; in fact, he denied it existed at all.

“… a vessel registration system is a logical means of deterring ships intent on piracy,” Sarek was saying to a small group that included the Orion.

“It would be an affront to the sovereignty of the worlds in this sector, in addition to being detrimental to trade,” Gormak-il rejoined.

“It would not be if those worlds were to participate jointly in such a system,” came Sarek’s even reply.  “It would only be detrimental in those incidences where the vessels in question had reasons to remain unidentified,” he concluded, while others in the conversation circle nodded their agreement.

Gormak-il, seeing he would soon be forced into an untenable position and smarting from the setback at Sarek’s hands, instead changed the subject.   “My compliments, Ambassador Sarek,” he smiled smoothly, “on your recent nuptials.”

Sarek merely nodded, outwardly unmoved, but Gormak-il continued.  “I understand your _Human_ bride is quite beautiful, and rather… youthful, as well.  I was unaware that Vulcans were drawn by such _exotic_ qualities.”

Sarek did not respond, focusing on maintaining his control. He knew the Orion was attempting to provoke him, his statements already quite improper by Vulcan standards.

“I would most assuredly like to make her acquaintance. Perhaps, even…” and now his upper lip curled in a lascivious grin, “make an offer for her.  A very attractive offer…” the Orion suggested.

The inner struggle to retain his control was fortunately not visible as Sarek worked to subdue the aggressive thoughts and images his brain rapidly supplied. With great restraint he responded.  “The worlds of the Federation do not trade in sentient beings, Delegate Gormak-il.   We find the practice to be unethical and abhorrent, a fact you would be wise to appreciate.  You would also be wise to refrain from referring again to my wife in such a way,” he concluded, his jaw tightening imperceptibly around the words of warning.

The Orion smiled again.  If some of the rumors he had heard about the Vulcan people were true, he might just succeed in provoking this one into reacting, possibly upsetting these troublesome talks as a result.  He glided away, quite aware that Sarek’s eyes still followed him.

Sarek remained, temporarily trapped by questions posed to him about the registration plan, as dance music started in the other room. He realized with dismay where Gormak-il would likely head next. 

Amanda was distracted, laughing at someone’s joke, when the dance music began. She didn’t really think anything of it when one of her colleagues asked her onto the floor.  Sarek was likely still occupied, and this was as diverting a means as any other to pass the time. The song was just ending when she looked up to see the Orion delegate at her elbow.

“Lady Amanda,” he smoothly began.  “I am Gormak-il, delegate representing the Orion Star Commerce Syndicate.  I have not yet the pleasure of making your acquaintance, although I have been conversing with your esteemed husband.  May I have this next dance, and introduce myself?”

Something at the back of Amanda’s mind nagged at her uneasily but, not wanting to offend a colleague of Sarek’s, she nodded her acceptance.  _Kind of an unusual way of introducing oneself_ , she thought, hesitating briefly before turning in his direction. “It would be my pleasure,” she murmured politely.

She instantly realized her mistake.  As soon as the music began, the burly Orion pulled her close to him, uncomfortably close.  "I'm so glad we have a moment alone to... talk," he was saying, leering at her suggestively. Amanda wriggled in his grasp, attempting to put some distance back between them. The hairs rose on the back of her neck when he did not respond.  Instead his grip tightened and he asked, "I have been meaning to ask you – and now that I have you here I can – just how a beautiful female such as yourself can be satisfied in the perpetual company of those passionless creatures?  You must want to get away from them, from him, _sometimes_."

“Delegate Gormak-il, you need to let go of me right now,” she declared firmly.

“And why ever would I want to do that?” he answered with a smirk, his voice oily.

Amanda prepared to respond in no uncertain terms. _If he won’t listen to reason, a heel to his instep, or…_ But before she could act, Sarek’s stern voice usurped her attempt to regain control of the situation. Her words died in her throat.

“My wife, attend,” he commanded, his eyes flashing. Amanda was stunned to see – and feel – his anger before he swiftly walled it away.  She automatically stepped toward him to join his fingers – fortunately, Gormak-il did not try to stop her – as she tried to suppress her own annoyance and wondered why her husband seemed perturbed with her as well as with the Orion.

Their fingers touched, and she learned the reason for his censure. 

_//I don’t need a rescue, you know.//_

_//It is improper for you to dance with others.//_

_//What??//_ Her eyes widened, but he had fixed his challenging stare on the Orion.

“You will cease to interact with my wife,” Sarek told him, his voice perfectly controlled and even, but low with a warning that was unmistakably clear. 

Gormak-il feigned a look of innocent surprise. “Why, Ambassador, your wife seemed to be quite enjoying our interaction,” he lied.  “’Variety is the spice of life,’ I’ve heard the Humans say.  That, of course, shouldn’t result in an unwarranted, emotional outburst on your part now, should it? Or perhaps you have reason to be concerned…?”  The Orion trailed off, watching for the Vulcan’s reaction. 

Sarek did not move, staring stonily at the unwelcome alien. “You will leave,” he demanded, his tone quiet but certain.

After a long, tense moment, Gormak-il decided to risk one last taunt.  Addressing Amanda, he said, “A pity our time together is to be interrupted. You are an extremely attractive female. I will look forward to seeing you again – in more advantageous circumstances.” Still wearing that same oily smirk, the Orion finally stepped backward and then disappeared among the knots of people near the dance floor. He would soon see if he accomplished his objective.

Sarek stared after the alien for several seconds, carefully regulating his breathing and pulse.  He would not respond any further to the obvious provocation; as it was, he had reacted excessively. He knew Amanda could see that he held himself more rigidly than normal, his stiff posture revealing the tension within. Yet, when he recalled the Orion’s hands on his _aduna_ , he could only control with great effort the anger that flared upward. He would ensure that his bondmate went nowhere alone while the Orion remained at the conference.

Momentarily distracted from her own irritation, she touched her fingers to his again, risking an excessive display.  //Sarek, what’s wrong?//

//Nothing is ‘wrong,’// he silently denied, still gazing away from her.

Not getting a reasonable answer and growing frustrated, Amanda switched to the more familiar medium of words.  “Then what, Sarek?  And what’s the problem with me dancing –  ?”

“It is improper,” he said without elaboration, as it if it were obvious.  _What logical reason could she have for accepting another’s touch in such a way?_ He was also unwilling to discuss his barely controlled reaction to the Orion’s behavior, so he ignored her questioning of it.

Now Amanda was thoroughly confused.  “But what about all those times when I went off and danced after you declined?  Or at the bachelorette party?”

Sarek drew a carefully controlled breath. “You were not mine – my wife – then,” he clarified, correcting himself.  “And the party was an… unwise exception.”

She shook her head, unwilling to believe he was expecting her to conform to his behavioral standards regarding this primarily Human practice.  “I’m not Vulcan, Sarek,” she said warily.

“Yes, I am aware,” he answered, willing her to understand something he could not voice, certainly not at this moment. Seeing her look of continued incomprehension, he stepped closer, almost improperly so in public, and murmured, “Amanda.  Please.”

 _He really means it,_ she thought, surprised and still confused.  “Okay,” she allowed dubiously, although it wasn’t, entirely. It was clear he wasn’t willing to explain further here.  “No more dancing by me.  If you say so,” she concluded, still frustrated.

The issue satisfactorily laid to rest from his perspective, Sarek was back to business.  “That is logical.  I have further discussions. You will accompany me.”

Suddenly worn out from the intensity of it all, Amanda begged off for the moment. “Let me get something to drink first, and then I’ll join you, _Adun_.”  

Reluctant to allow her out of his sight, he considered her. It was more difficult than he had expected, having his bondmate here, and he needed to ensure that she remained safe.  Perhaps he saw something in her eyes, however, for after a moment he nodded at her. “Do not leave the conference room without me,” he ordered and resolutely stepped away, intent again on his work.

Deciding it wasn’t worth objecting to his command in this public forum, Amanda only nodded. She would get the brief respite she desired. Having procured a beverage, she sank down on a couch hoping for a peaceful moment.  So far, this conference had been far more stressful than any she and Sarek had attended prior to or since their marriage, and she was at a loss to understand why. Restrictions that she hadn’t even imagined were rising up all around her, limiting her work, her social interactions… the implications were disturbing.  She was startled from her reverie by a familiar voice, one that she hadn’t heard in a long time.

“Amanda?  Is that you?”

She looked up.  “Willem!” she exclaimed.  A former college classmate who had risen quickly through the diplomatic ranks on Mars and was now the small colony’s Ambassador-at-large, he was standing before her, his shock of blonde hair falling rakishly across his blue almond eyes just as she remembered.  “I didn’t realize Mars had a delegation here.”

He made a mock bow before her.  “I am the one and only,” he said.  “And I didn’t know that you’d turned into a very pretty Vulcan.”

She blushed at the obvious flirt.  “Not exactly,” she demurred.  Willem sat down next to her.

Meanwhile, as Sarek mentally ran down the list of diplomats he needed to reach before the evening’s end, the fact that Amanda had not yet returned to his side breached the forefront of his awareness. _My wife…_

Amanda was delighted to run across her old schoolmate. They had been chatting amicably beside one another on the couch when again Sarek’s voice startled her.

“Excuse me, Ambassador.  It has been a rather long day for my wife.”

Amanda looked up in surprise at her husband, his extended fingers clearly intended to draw her away from the Martian delegate.

“Excuse me, Willem,” she murmured apologetically.   She had been enjoying catching up with him, and she regretted it was to be cut short.  “I’ll see you…” she was about to add “later,” but her voice trailed off when she saw Sarek’s disapproving expression.

“Sarek, what was that about?” she whispered as he led her toward the other side of the room.

“I wish you to accompany me in conversation with the Denobulan delegates,” he replied.  A slight pause and he added, “Ambassador Wang was regarding you in an unbecoming manner.  I saw fit to address the situation.”

“What?” Amanda demanded in disbelief.  _Not this again_. “Willem wasn’t – ” she started, and Sarek’s eyes snapped to hers.  She glared back at him, defiant.  “Ambassador Wang is an old acquaintance of mine. Willem was not doing a thing that was inappropriate.  And neither was I, Sarek.” 

At that instant she realized that, while he was still very obviously touching his fingers to hers, he was not attempting to communicate anything to her through their contact.  The _oz’hesta_ was a clear show of possessiveness, nothing more. Her face burned. _I am not a possession…_

“Your stated comprehension of the situation is at odds with your intelligence,” he replied.

Amanda stopped abruptly and stared at him. “Are you accusing me of _lying_?” she asked dangerously.

“Perhaps you emotionally deny the facts which you find unpleasant.”

“You are impossible!” she exclaimed, whirling angrily away from him. 

Rather than initiate their usual banter about Human idioms, Sarek coolly replied, “I might say the same.”

That did it.  Now Amana was mad.  “You needn’t drag me around to keep an eye on me, or tell me who I can talk to! Or have guards tail me everywhere!”

Now he chided her.  “My wife, you are becoming emotional.  You must converse more quietly.”

“Oh, that is _enough_!” Amanda fumed.  They had argued over his possessive behavior too many times, and so far her experience at this conference had been thoroughly unpleasant.  Her head throbbed.  Add to that she felt inexplicably tired, and while at least part of that was from hunger, all of the available options to remedy that somehow made her feel nauseous.  _Why? Stress?_   _Am I going to feel this way every time I go off-planet with him? And what of my work_? _Has that suddenly become inconsequential somehow?_ _What other surprises are waiting for me?_

“I have a headache, Sarek.  I am going back to our rooms, and don’t you even _think_ about telling me to do otherwise!”  She spun and headed swiftly for the turbo-lift reserved for the VIP floors.

Sarek’s look of calm assurance remained undisturbed as he followed her. “My wife, I merely note the behavior that logic and protocol dictate—”

At that Amanda jabbed the call button angrily and whirled on him.  “You do not!” she accused, blue eyes flashing.  “Face it: you really don’t like anyone near me.   Other men, other women, why not even potted plants! How is that logical? And what do you think that attitude says about _me_? It’s not very flattering.   Sarek, I refuse to live my life in a virtual isolation unit because you can’t deal with me socializing and working like a normal Human!”

“Amanda,” he attempted to calm her, even as her anger was beginning to rattle his own equilibrium.   _Protecting one’s mate from potential rivals is logical._  _How is this not apparent to her?_  “You are becoming unnecessarily agitated.  Your statements are il—”

Those were the wrong words to soothe her. “Don’t even say it, Sarek,” she snapped.  At that moment the lift arrived.   As she stepped inside, unable to resist needling him in her ire, she added, “I’m going.  But don’t worry, I’ll be alone – _probably_.”

His impassive expression dissolved into a dark scowl. _This will not do._   Mere words from anyone else would not provoke Sarek – but they could from her. Her veiled threat, even as they both knew it was an empty one, her strong emotions, his suppressed reaction to not one but two perceived interlopers, and his own unruly emotions regarding her that he had yet to master, all drove him to a single response.

One long stride propelled him into the lift just before the doors closed.   His hand hit the emergency stop button before he spun to face her, gripping her shoulders.  The turbo-lift jerked to a halt.  He stared down at her, his voice gravelly.  “Failure to protect one’s mate is most delinquent.  Certainly from potential physical threats, and even if only from harassment.  I would protect thee from harm with my very life.”

Amanda’s pulse jumped at his intensity, his surprising touch, and at the jumble of emotions coming at her through that touch. He was completely serious – and _hurt_ by some of the things she’d done and said this evening.  At least that was what she could interpret from the dense fragments of feeling she sensed before his disciplines automatically mobilized to stamp them out. She’d had no idea. Her anger melted.

“Oh Sarek, but you do protect me,” she said softly, stepping closer to him.  “I wasn’t being harassed just now.  And even if I were, you know I can take care of myself.  I appreciate your protective instincts – but please, don’t punish me in the process of trying to take care of me.”

Now his face wore a frown of confusion as he tried to collect his thoughts.  “I do not intend to… ‘punish’ you ever, Amanda.   Nor do I believe that you would be… inconstant.   Our ways are different. I… regret… that some of mine are offensive to you.”  He trailed off, uncertain in the face of her rapidly shifting emotions and well aware that some of his own were quite out of sync with the logical self that was trying to reassert some rationality into the situation.  He took a calming breath, and his long fingers gently stroked her shoulders.

That slight movement, the intensity of the moment, and their cooling anger all combined for a single effect.  Suddenly, the idea of holding a reasoned discussion about diversity, gender roles and autonomy seemed far less urgent to Amanda than it had a few moments ago.  They could do that later, when she wasn’t so acutely aware of the close heat of him, wasn’t so suddenly desperate to feel his muscled body against hers. She looked up at her husband, catching her lower lip in her teeth and leaning into him.   Sarek’s eyes locked on hers, and he could not stop himself from pulling her against him.

It all happened in a second, the built-up tension of the afternoon fueling an incendiary reaction.  Running her hands up his chest, she pulled his head down and kissed him forcefully, uncaring for their surroundings and simply caught up in what his touch and his thoughts did to her.  Her tongue found his as her fingers tangled themselves in his hair and caressed his ears while her wild emotions flooded over the bond.

A seismic wave of desire hit him.  In an instant Sarek had pushed her back against the wall as he responded in kind, this peculiar madness striking him again. His hands were possessed of their own accord as they seized the skirt of her dress, hastily pushing it up around her waist.  Gone was the reserved and proper diplomat, replaced by an aroused and possessive male who was himself possessed with the irresistible need to claim his mate. He paused for a split second as if to double-check the reality of what they were about to do -- until her hands found their way inside his robe and under his tunic.

Skin slid across skin as her hands stroked the firm planes of his stomach before finding the fastenings of his pants, trembling as she undid them. 

“ _Aduna t’nash-veh_ ,” he gasped, his own hands seizing the lace of her panties.

“I want you,” she hissed, her fingers closing around his hardened flesh, abruptly freeing him.  In response he yanked hard, hard enough to shred her panties apart and pull her sharply against him.  He thrust forward, feeling her cool softness welcome him as his fingers simultaneously reached her face.  His control too sorely tried to offer any effective resistance, he unerringly sought the calming and yet stimulating oneness with his mate that his inner being demanded.  _Ecstasy—!_

The jangling alarm jarred them as the lift’s sensors informed them the pause had been too long.  _Unacceptable!_ His mind protested as Amanda groaned in frustration.

 _//It will take 10.4 seconds to reach our rooms,//_ his mind voice reached her as he quickly punched at the lift controls, some bare semblance of reason returning. _And that is only minimally tolerable_ , he thought.  Separating from her was painful but necessary. His wife whined and turned her feverish attention to his tunic fastenings. 

It was either excellent planning or extremely fortunate that their hotel floor housed only the Vulcan delegation, and that at this moment Sarek knew that all of his staff were performing their duties at the reception below.  When the turbo-lift doors opened and they tumbled outward, only somewhat decent, Amanda had his tunic undone and he had already decided he would not waste more time by removing her remaining garments with any sort of care for their future use.

Neither knew which one of them palmed the door entry as they fell inside.  Before the door even slid completely shut, Sarek had her on the floor and had torn her dress from neck to hem.  Her remaining undergarments met a similar fate a second later.

Amanda was so hot with arousal it was as if she was on fire.  “Take me now!” she gasped, her chest heaving, her eyes locked on his as he loomed over her.

As if words were needed.  An incoherent growl, a surge of heat against her body, and he was inside her again, passionate and incredibly hard.   She responded with a loud, keening cry. Even though she had experienced it before, Amanda was taken aback yet again by how Sarek’s cool, detached Vulcan exterior could conceal a fiery core of Dante-ish proportions.

He moved against her with ardent abandon as she moaned.   Amazingly, even when he seemed virtually out of control, he somehow never hurt her with his vast strength.  Amanda clung to him, her cries intensifying as his body found the rhythm that drove her wild. Then he held her there, trembling at the edge, as his hand reached toward her face.

// _K’diwa._..//

// _Yes_ …//

Their minds tumbled together, a joyous joining of consciousness as they shared their physical and emotional sensations, their argument forgotten.  Sarek’s thoughts were awash with feelings he would never express aloud as he became completely one with his wife.  Caught up herself in profound emotion, Amanda fervently wished she could remain here, suspended with him, forever.

Their bodies would not listen however, and the climactic moment came much too soon.  Amanda felt her muscles begin their familiar tremble as Sarek’s breath shortened to ragged pants.   Then their minds cried out in unison as their bodies hungrily pulsed together before slowly floating back down in exhausted contentment.

A short while later Sarek stirred.  Amanda had curled into him, her legs tangled with his, dozing quietly.  He, too, was fatigued but duty called.  Gently, he scooped her up from the floor and deposited her on their bed, carefully tucking her under a sheet before turning to collect his strewn clothes.

Amanda popped one eye open, observing him. “Mmm?” she inquired.

“I must return to the reception briefly, _Aduna_.” He cocked one brow.  “Shall I assume that you do not wish to join me?”

Amanda chuckled softly.  “My dear, you’ve seen to that.  I have nothing to wear.”

Sarek surveyed the wreckage on the floor that rather blatantly illustrated his lapse of control.  “That would indeed seem to be the case.  I shall… procure replacements,” he said evenly, carefully masking in his voice the embarrassment Amanda nonetheless detected through the bond.

“Don’t be silly,” she waved dismissively. “I never really liked that dress anyway.  Please give my apologies to our hosts, though – I’ve had a rather long day, you know.” With that she smiled sweetly at him and snuggled further under the sheets.

Minutes later, Sarek returned to the reception, not a hair out of place.  Amanda’s early retiring raised no eyebrows.   Inwardly, however, he looked forward to meditation later while Amanda slept, to mull over the many different aspects of possession, emotion and the true nature of a bond.

He was well aware that, while his wife was definitely no longer angry with him, they had not actually resolved any of the differences between them that had sparked the conflict in the first place.   They would need to do so, for the health of their bond. 

He was also concerned about his repeated loss of control to passion. Sarek wondered what it was about his bondmate that so continuously tested his discipline. Having discovered this phenomenon with Amanda early on, however, Sarek was confident he had acted logically as a result. He had taken her as his wife.  He was also confident that those breaches to his control had only occurred within the privacy of their bond.  For the most part.  And, in those few instances that escaped the bounds of complete propriety, all... well, perhaps most... he could justify on the grounds of maintaining the satisfaction of his Human mate. As for the remainder... he would need to continue to work on his discipline.

Amanda was equally aware of the unresolved matters between them. When Sarek returned to their rooms later that night, she watched him silently as he prepared for bed, his face backlit by the light of the planet’s moons.  His features so dark and beautiful, his countenance so resolute and stoic yet his mind so responsive to hers.  They were so apparently different, yet so intangibly alike.  He was alien, but utterly hers, as she was completely his.  Forever, he claimed.  And she wanted it to be.  She knew they would have to talk this through, as they would undoubtedly need to have other, difficult conversations.  But for tonight, she simply welcomed him to her side when he slid down next to her, and held him close with her body.

ooo

Finally, the conference concluded, fortunately with none of the anticipated security incidents.  The groundwork had been laid for future cooperative defense talks, which was progress.  Sarek had finished debriefing with his aides and the _Surak_ had warped safely out of the sector when he came to find his wife, gazing out of the porthole in their cabin at the passing, warp-distorted starfield.  

Amanda smiled as she felt his presence enter the cabin, glad that she could now have a little time with him to herself. Knowing it was unpredictable when they would again have this opportunity, she thought, _It’s time to have that talk_. 

He came up behind her, and she silently rested her head back against his chest as she extended two fingers to his.

_//Adun.//_

_//Aduna.//_

_//We have some unfinished business to discuss, I think.//_

_//Indeed.//_

Of one accord, they moved to sit.  Amanda looked up into her husband’s impassive eyes, wondering how the two of them could traverse so quickly from this quiet calm to the turbulent storms of possessiveness and passion that had taken them both by surprise more than once.

She took a breath, and plunged in.   “Sarek, do you trust me?”

He blinked.  “Of course, Amanda.  You know this is so.  Why do you ask this?”

“Yes, I do know, _Adun_. I am trying to understand the reasons we keep having certain… disagreements.”  She wrapped her fingers around his hand, wanting to maintain the closeness, and the communication.

Sarek gazed down at their hands twined together, sensing both her warmth for him and her unease, as well as her determination to see this discussion through.  He, too, had spent a good deal of time since their disagreement at the conference evaluating the cultural differences between them, particularly on this topic. He chose his words carefully in response.

“My trust in you does not extend to disregard,” he said quietly. 

Amanda frowned, confused.  “I don’t understand.”

“I trust you implicitly.  I have entrusted… my life to you,” he continued, averting his eyes as he skirted the difficult topic.  “In exchange, I can do no less:  I must protect you – from dangers known and unknown, from discomfort and deprivation, even… from threats that I know you can readily handle yourself. It is my duty to spare you the… affliction of having to do so. 

“In addition, we have seen very real threats to your safety due to my occupation and your association with me.  Logically, it is incumbent upon me to keep you safe from such things.

“You may regard this as simply a well-developed, biological survival strategy.  It is… more than that.  To not be vigilant with respect to your security and comfort would be most disrespectful of me. I cannot do less. It is a matter of honor, and it is logical,” he finished, his voice husky. 

Amanda suddenly grasped the connection between Sarek’s Vulcan biology and his intense need to protect her.  It was not just selfish self-preservation from his perspective, but also a deep need to offer an equal commitment back to the one who was committing to sustain his life.

She contemplated what was likely a cultural divide as well as a philosophical one.  She loved her husband; she didn’t expect a _quid pro quo_ for doing what was necessary to ensure his health and life. But she could see how he might regard the situation differently.  And if a certain degree of possessiveness came built in with the need to protect, well, she could try to accept that, too.

Resting her head again on his chest, she murmured, “I love you.  I guess it’s as unfair of me to ask you to change your behavior as it would be for you to ask me to stop behaving emotionally. 

“And I apologize that my own cultural sensitivities has made me blind to some of yours.  Personal freedom is an issue that many Humans are sensitive about, because of our history.  Possessive male behavior is perceived as inappropriate by most Humans in part because of the long struggle against inequality fought by Earth women.  Possessive and protective justifications were used for centuries to restrict female rights.  Did that evolution occur on Vulcan as well?”

“It did not,” Sarek replied.

“But… don’t Vulcan men and women enjoy similar rights?” Amanda asked, surprised.

“They do.  However, for the length of recorded history, Vulcan females have, in general, been the superior telepaths of the population.  That, as well as… other factors, created a balance of power with the physically stronger males, eliminating the situation you describe as taking place on Earth.  In contrast, Vulcan struggled for millennia before Surak for order amongst chaos. Such gender roles that exist do so in part as a means to facilitate order.”

“Oh,” was all she replied, trying to imagine what that must have been like.  _So different…_   “I’m not a telepath, though,” she whispered, looking up at him.

“That is of no consequence.  I will protect you, and your freedom,” he murmured in response, lowering his forehead to hers.

A tentative accord reached, they did not speak again for quite a while.

ooo


	17. A Beginning

## A beginning

 

The rest of the journey back to Earth was uneventful, Sarek conferring further with his aides, and Amanda preparing for the next week’s classes.  As she reviewed her calendar, she noted that the beginning of her cycle was a few days late.  She was unconcerned; it wasn’t always rigidly regular and the delay could be due to any number of things, including this trip.  Still, she mused, _Is this how I’ll learn I’m pregnant someday?_  It would be wonderful if it did happen, but she knew the likelihood of her becoming pregnant by Sarek was extremely small, given their different physiologies.

Turning her thoughts to the subject, she recalled the one conversation she and Sarek had had about it, on their honeymoon.

_She had been curled next to him, enjoying the warmth of his body, thinking on their future.  “Sarek,” she inquired, “what do you think about children?”_

_He looked down at her, slightly puzzled. “You are asking my opinion on their existence?”_

_She laughed.  “No, silly.  I meant children, for us.  Do you want to have them?”  He had said so the night they bonded, but she wanted to explore the topic further._

_Sarek drew a breath.  “Reproduction is logical; therefore, progeny are desirable,” he said simply._

_Sensing_ _some_ _equivocation in his answer, Amanda propped herself up on an elbow to look at him directly.  “That’s not what I asked.  What do_ you _want, Sarek?”_

_He hesitated a moment, unused to expressing his personal desires, then turned toward her,_ _touching his fingers to hers_ _.  “_ Aduna _, yes, I do wish for children, our children.  However, I do not desire them at the expense of your health and safety.  I am aware that an interspecies pregnancy likely presents risks, and I do not wish you to be harmed.”  His soft voice caressed her with his concern while his fingers simultaneously caressed her_ _hand_ _._

_“But it is possible, isn’t it?” she asked, hopeful._

_Sarek nodded.   “From what I have read, I believe it is.  The science of interspecies reproduction has advanced significantly in recent years.  We will consult the healers.”_

_“I’d like that,” she murmured, snuggling into him again._

_By_ _then_ _Sarek had ideas other than snuggling. “In the meantime, my wife,” he murmured, now caressing her with a different intent, “_ _it is no doubt beneficial to_ _…_ _practice_ _...”_

_Amanda’s delighted squeal was muffled by his kiss as he pushed her back down into the bedcovers._

She smiled to herself at the memory.  They had not pursued the topic further since returning to Earth; they had more than enough to do just learning of one another.  She knew they would eventually.  No doubt she’d need a regimen of dietary supplements and who knows what else before she would conceive.  For now, she could simply daydream on the possibility. 

_When I have time to daydream, that is._ Realizing belatedly that she had wanted to finish analyzing her notes from her subspace Xantan interviews before they returned to Earth, she threw herself back into her work.

ooo

The comm on Sarek’s desk buzzed, causing him to look up from the treaty draft he was reviewing.  It was Sonn at the sentry desk.  “ _T’Sai_ Amanda has returned.  She stated she was unwell.  I thought it logical that you be made aware, _S’haile_.”

“Your work is commendable, Sonn,” Sarek replied. He arose from his desk, the document temporarily set aside.  It was unlike Amanda to comment negatively on her physiological state, and it was only 1322 hours, quite early for her to have returned from the university.   _She has been fatigued recently._   _It is indeed likely she is ill_.

Two point five four minutes later he entered their quarters and found Amanda preparing to climb into bed. She looked up and smiled wanly at his entrance.

“ _Adun_. I see someone tattled on me.” She was not at all surprised that the entry guard had informed Sarek of her presence, and quite likely of her physical status as well.

“ _Aduna_. You are not well?”

Amanda nodded.  “I cancelled my last two classes.  It’s probably just a virus; I’ve been tired lately. I had a nasty case of cramps all morning, but I decided to call it quits when I lost my lunch at lunch.” She grimaced.  “Now I feel exhausted and – and – ” At that moment she suddenly swayed, catching herself before sitting down abruptly on the bed. “What–?   _Oh!”_ she exclaimed, clutching her lower abdomen. Then she doubled over.

Sarek was at her side almost before he registered that he was moving.  She clutched his arm, her eyes wide and fearful.  “Sarek…?” her voice quavered, and her distressed emotions stabbed through him like a knife.  He looked down and was shocked to see the bright bloom of red spreading on the bedcover.

Without a word, Sarek scooped her into his arms, automatically calculating the fastest route to the healer’s office.   He took her there at a dead run, calling out to a startled staff member to alert T’Alen.

When they arrived T’Alen had already called for Amanda’s Human doctor.  As Sarek set Amanda carefully down on the biobed, the healer scanned her quickly.

T’Alen straightened. “You are miscarrying,” she informed the stunned Human.  She turned to Sarek.  “Your bondmate was pregnant, but the _pi’tenkan_ (embryo) did not survive.  I grieve with thee.”

It took a moment for the healer’s words to sink in, but when realization hit, Amanda felt like she had been punched in the stomach. Tears welled up, and she struggled not to let them fall.  Sarek silently offered her the _oz’hesta_ , and she could feel him lending her strength. 

At that moment Amanda’s physician arrived. With a quick acknowledgment to her colleague, Jill Weiss immediately went to Amanda’s bedside. “Hello, Amanda. What seems to be the trouble?”

“ _T’Sai_ Amanda is experiencing a spontaneous abortion,” T’Alen answered for her, which was just as well; Amanda’s thoughts were a turbulent jumble at the moment.

Dr. Weiss looked up at the healer’s words. She had been here once before, had met both T’Alen and Ambassador Sarek, after Amanda had been rescued from the bay. The circumstances were quite different now.  She couldn’t help but stare for a moment at the Vulcan ambassador who stood off to the side, tall, silent, expressionless as stone. She hadn’t even thought conception would be possible for this unusual couple and even now her patient’s husband looked so alien…

With effort Weiss focused her attention back to where it belonged.  She pulled out her own scanner, and after a moment nodded to the healer.  “I confirm your diagnosis.”  She turned to Amanda.  “Did you know you were pregnant, honey?” she asked gently.

Amanda responded with a tearful shake of her head. _It had just been a pleasant daydream; it couldn’t be anything real…_

The two professionals had turned to confer with one another when Sarek spoke.  “Is my wife in danger?” he asked, his tone quiet and perfectly controlled.

Dr. Weiss spoke up.  “She doesn’t appear to be.  Not right now, anyway,” she added cautiously, and was startled to find herself pinned by his harsh glare.  The doctor swallowed.  “We need to run some tests.”

“You will see to her safety,” Sarek ordered. His voice was still controlled and even, but there was no mistaking its steel undertone.

With that he stepped and bent his head to his wife, touching two of her fingers.  Then he stood ramrod straight and remained standing next to her, fingers still touching, expressionless but undeniably protective.

Their thoughts mingled when their fingers touched. Even as she heard his reassuring thoughts, Amanda could sense his turmoil before he walled it away.

_//I’ll be fine,//_ she attempted to reassure him.

_//I will remain,_ k’diwa.//

Finally overcome, Amanda’s shoulders began to shake as she sobbed quietly.  Sarek stood silently by her side, projecting calmness through the bond, until she finally fell asleep.  He did not leave until T’Alen assured him that she was, in fact, in no danger.

ooo

Sarek cancelled the rest of his meetings for the day, leaving communication of such to Sev and delegating other time-sensitive items to Soran.  The remaining few requiring his personal attention he completed as if by rote.  He was grateful for his highly efficient staff in a way that he had perhaps not been before.

He checked in on Amanda and was somewhat satisfied that she was still sleeping, although he could still detect echoed waves of anguish through the bond.  He remained with her for a time, until he was again convinced that she was safe in T’Alen’s care and allowed himself to depart for a much-needed meditation.

Settling down in front his _asenoi_ , he confronted a surprising array of conflicting emotions when he turned inward. Pleasant surprise that Amanda could, in fact, conceive his child unassisted, as unlikely as that possibility had seemed.   He felt illogical warmth bloom throughout his core at the thought. 

But then, unexpectedly sharp pangs of grief for the lost child forced him to breathe through the pain as he relived those moments of simultaneous discovery and loss in the infirmary.  Vulcan culture regarded offspring with reverence, and he experienced the loss of this one with acuity.

Equally unexpected was the depth of his desire for children.  Before he met Amanda, he had accepted the logic that he would reproduce; it was a duty to his clan. It was only after he met her did he discover this was a thing he actually _wanted_ , a desire that surpassed duty.  And now, he was further surprised at the strength – and as he examined it, the immediacy – of that want.  It was more than simply instinctive.  He sensed that Amanda shared this desire, and he wondered what it was between them that made this so.  It transcended logic.

More immediately, however, he felt responsibility for and great distress at the discomfort, both physical and emotional, the miscarriage was causing his _aduna_ , coupled with concern that there might be further, as-yet undiagnosed, side effects. And viscerally, he felt fear: fear that some aspect of his Vulcan physiology could prove toxic to Amanda should they attempt to carry forward their wish for biological offspring.

As his training dictated, Sarek’s mind teased out each of these emotions and dispassionately examined them.  Then relentlessly began to crystallize the thoughts behind them into cold streams of logic, inexorably controlling and suppressing the troublesome emotions.  _It is logical to reproduce. It is also logical to protect the health of my mate.  I must resolve this dilemma with a logical plan of action._  Then he cleared his mind, and settled deep into a meditative trance.

ooo

Later that evening, T’Alen briefed the couple. Amanda was still resting in the infirmary, Sarek again silently at her side.  The healer glanced up from her PADD to address them.

“It is apparent from the antibodies in _T’Sai_ Amanda’s blood that this was not the first embryo of yours to spontaneously abort.”

Two pairs of eyebrows, one Human, one Vulcan, rose at her statement.  The healer continued.  “It is common in Humans for unviable pregnancies to terminate of their own accord quite early in the gestation period.  Apparently, the mother is often unaware of the event, as it appears as simply another iteration of her normal fertility cycle.”

T’Alen’s words triggered a memory for Amanda, and she thought back to their honeymoon on Vulcan, the arrival of her cycle before they returned to Earth.  _It had arrived early… Had I been pregnant then, too?_  She closed her eyes.  _So this one isn’t even the first…_

Sarek was speaking now, bringing her back to the present. “Healer, this event was obviously a noticeable one.  Does this indicate further complications?”

“No.  Dr. Weiss and I have conducted a full array of tests.  _T’Sai_ Amanda is beginning a normal recovery process.”  Amanda already knew this, for Jill had briefed her thoroughly earlier. Sarek, on the other hand, carefully released a breath, a rather blatant demonstration of relief.

T’Alen politely ignored this lapse, turning instead to another topic.  “ _T’Sai_ , I can provide you with immuno-suppressants to counteract the antibodies you have developed.  This will reduce the likelihood of a future embryo’s immediate rejection.”

Amanda nodded, herself relieved – until the healer continued.

“However, this will not substantially raise the probability that you will successfully carry a pregnancy by _Osu_ Sarek to term.  There are inherent incompatibilities between Vulcan and Human genetic material that will severely inhibit the normal development of a fetus.  If you wish your own biological offspring, you would be wise to consult on the genetic manipulations necessary.”

“What? _‘Manipulations’?_  No!” Amanda exclaimed vehemently. “Genetic ‘enhancements’ almost destroyed the Human race not very long ago.  I won’t be a party to that.”

“On the contrary,” Sarek said quietly, “were it not for such manipulations, the Vulcan species might well be extinct by now. Vulcan biological science is some of the most advanced in the known galaxy as a result.”

Amanda looked at him, dismayed.  “You mean you _engineer_ your children?” 

“Not with the negative connotation you infer. Maintaining natural Vulcan genetic diversity is critical to the health of our population. As is the need to routinely reverse harmful mutations caused by the aftereffects of our violent past. Many such are still present in our gene pool.”

The couple stared at one another, surprised at the sudden gulf between them.  _How is it that we haven’t talked about this?_ Amanda wondered as she fell back against her headrest.  “I don’t think I’m ready to discuss this right now,” she sighed.

The older healer eyed the pair like a stern parent. “Given these developments, it is evident that contraception should be strongly considered at this time.” She raised a brow at both of them. “Continuing a _laissez-faire_ approach will only lead to similarly undesirable results.”

Amanda’s eyes widened, not so much at the healer’s unexpected use of the French term, but rather at the fact that she hadn’t really thought about birth control at all.  She’d never needed it, not regularly anyway, before she met Sarek, and when she did meet him it was quite clear it wasn’t relevant – until suddenly it was. And by then they were bonded. At that point he had told her children were only theoretically possible; to her mind, that made accidental conception seem a remote possibility, so much so that it seemed wrong, in a way, to take steps to prevent it.   What if there was a chance she could conceive a viable child of Sarek’s naturally? She looked up at her husband with emotion-filled eyes.  _Prevent conception of his child? No…_

Sarek, meanwhile, had been over these considerations already.  Instead he quelled a primitive and illogical stab of anger at the healer – no one had the right to dictate the conditions under which he would mate with his _aduna_ ; she was _his_.

Further, he felt… _shame_ for not considering this himself.  Vulcan reproductive rates being what they were, contraception was not something practiced by his people except in the most unusual circumstances. He had frankly failed to consider the physical and emotional impacts a miscarriage would have on his Human wife, an oversight it pained him to admit.  She was his, and he had failed to protect her – again.

He blinked once, slowly, regaining his control and suppressing the disturbing emotions. _It is for her protection_. Nevertheless, he did not desire to hold a discussion of this here.  And he could sense turmoil from Amanda, furthering his resolve.

Drawing himself still straighter, he addressed the healer. “We will discuss the subject. Your work has been commendable, T’Alen.”

T’Alen inclined her head, but used her authority as healer to admonish her superior against skirting the issue.  “Delay would be illogical, _S’haile_.”

Sarek nodded curtly.   He could detect another rising wave of emotion from his _aduna_ , and knew he dare not look down at her in the healer’s presence.  Next to him, overwhelmed and exhausted by the events of the past several hours, Amanda softly began to weep again.

ooo

The bleeding had finally stopped.  It hadn’t lasted that long, really; the pregnancy had been so brief.  Besides some fatigue, her body hadn’t even alerted her to the embryo’s presence, and now was already well on the way toward full recovery, as if the unrealized child had never been. 

It _felt_ like an eternity.  Amanda twisted in bed, rubbing her tear-stained face in frustration.  Outside, an early autumn storm hurled raindrops against the windows, echoing her inner turmoil.

Sarek’s soft voice sounded beside her. “You are troubled, _Aduna_.”

“Yes,” she admitted. “But I don’t know why.” She could feel his puzzlement through the bond.

“You are… grieving, perhaps, for the lost child?” he asked gently.

A tiny sob escaped her.  “I am – but it doesn’t make any sense.  I didn’t even know I was pregnant!  How could I be so… so _upset_ over something I wasn’t even aware of?!”

He pulled her close now, both to offer reassurance and to strengthen the thought transference of the bond.  “A lost child is worthy of grief, no matter how brief its existence,” he said, and Amanda could feel his own pain.

“Yes, well—” Amanda began testily after a moment, and Sarek was again puzzled, this time by her apparent anger.  Then he realized. 

“Amanda, do not blame yourself for this.”

“I didn’t even _know_! What kind of a mother will I ever be if I don’t even notice—”

“My wife, attend.”  Sarek’s voice was stern, and she looked up at him in surprise. “Unjustified self-recrimination is illogical.  It is unhealthy and unproductive.  According to Healer T’Alen, the pregnancy had barely begun to present symptoms before it terminated.  It is difficult to recognize the signs of something one has never before experienced, especially subtle ones.  The probability that you could have detected them was only—”

“Oh Sarek, I don’t want to know.”  She was silent for a moment, as if debating whether to continue, and he waited. 

“It— it bothers me that we might need to resort to… eugenics to have a child together,” she said, her voice small.

Sarek’s brows climbed.  “Amanda, what T’Alen was referring to is hardly eugenics. It is a respected medical practice – even if not regarded as such on Earth.”

Amanda raised her eyes to his, searching them. “Are you a product of genetic manipulation, Sarek?” she asked cautiously.

He drew in a breath, considering.  “I do not know.  Quite possibly.  The routine pre-natal genetic repair practiced on my world is considered unremarkable.”  His expression closed a little, as if expecting more of her disapproval.

“Oh...”  Understanding slowly dawned for Amanda.  “I’m sorry, Sarek; I didn’t realize. You know the legacy I’m talking about on Earth.  I appreciate now that what you’re describing is very different.”  She curled into him, clenching her fists against his chest. “And I guess it was more than a little silly of me to expect that we could have a child together without some help.  It’s going to take awhile for me to adjust to this.”

Sarek brushed a stray lock of hair from his bondmate’s face.  “Quite understandable, my wife.  When you are ready… I have made a few inquiries.  There is a team of hybridologists at the Vulcan Science Academy.  _Osu_ Sorel is a highly respected scientist, as is his research partner, Dr. Daniel Corrigan.”

Amanda’s eyes widened at the Human name, and then turned thoughtful.  She had already completed the course of immuno-moderators prescribed by T’Alen to give a future pregnancy a longer lifeline before it would need intervention to survive; wasn’t what Sarek was proposing really just the next logical step? “It’s something to consider,” she allowed.  Then she laid a hand on his cheek.  “I want to have your children, my husband.”

Sarek’s arms tightened around her and he lowered his forehead to hers.  Sensing that she was not ready for more, he simply held her as she fell asleep in his embrace.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Healer Sorel and Dr. Daniel Corrigan are creations of Jean Lorrah, appearing in The Vulcan Academy Murders (Pocket Books) 1984.


	18. Pleasant Memory

## Pleasant memory

 

Weeks later Sarek sat in Justice Arne Stewart’s office discussing the vessel registration plan for combating piracy. Once finished with their business, Stewart glanced at his calendar.

“Your anniversary is coming up soon, my friend,” he observed.

Sarek looked up, puzzled.  “To what event are you referring?”

The Federation justice set his coffee mug down with a clunk.  “Don’t tell me, man, that you are ignorant of the Human custom of wedding anniversaries? And of course you know it’s been almost a year since I married you and Amanda.”

Not reacting, Sarek replied, “I am, of course, aware that it has been three hundred, fifty-two days and eighteen point five nine hours since our Federation marriage ceremony.  I am unfamiliar with this custom, however.”

Stewart smiled.  “Many Human couples celebrate on the anniversary of their wedding date every year, similar to the way we recognize birthdays. I usually take Annie out to dinner, and get her a big bunch of roses,” he added helpfully.

Sarek’s brows knit.  “Amanda and I have end-meal together on many evenings. This is unremarkable. Roses, as I understand the custom, are for apologies.”  He looked up at his colleague, disbelief shadowing his face.  “I am to apologize to my wife as a means of commemorating our marriage?”

Stewart laughed at that.  “No, no!  Roses also signify romance,” he clarified with a wink, but then stopped, seeing the Vulcan’s blank expression.  “Right,” he said to himself, and then to Sarek, “What’s important is to remember your anniversary, however you let your wife know.”

_Ah,_ Sarek thought.  _This will not be difficult, given Vulcan memory_. Then he asked, puzzled anew, “Do some Humans _forget_ they are married?”

Stewart laughed again. “Some may _want_ to forget!” he joked, but Sarek just looked at him in incomprehension.   The judge shook his head, realizing there were undoubtedly cultural differences at play here that he simply didn’t understand.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,” he assured his friend. He had seen the pair at various Federation events and their level of attachment was not lost on him. Even when they were apart and obviously engaged interacting with others, the couple seemed joined together by some invisible force.

At that moment the judge noticed the Vulcan’s eyes grow distant, focused on something Stewart could not see.  Then the ambassador came back to himself. Returning his gaze to Stewart, Sarek told him, “Our meeting has been productive as usual, Arne. You must excuse me. It has been a long day for my wife.”

ooo

Later, Sarek considered the perplexing information he had received from his friend and colleague.  A Human custom to commemorate the date of their marriage, unnecessary for Vulcans to practice because of their eidetic memories.   Vulcans did not celebrate annual dates of birth as Humans did, either; this seemed to be a similarly illogical custom to observe.  

But when Amanda announced that she wished to take him to a special place from her youth “for their anniversary,” Sarek was forced to reconsider.  It was apparent that Amanda regarded this custom as important; therefore, as her mate he should accommodate her as best he could.

Just how to do so remained unclear.  The options of which he was aware – consuming a meal together as they likely would anyway, offering roses (even if they could be construed in a variety of ways) – did not seem adequate. He debated the logic of tasking Soran with researching more appropriate options; as it turned out, his old friend was more than willing. 

“I have compiled a list of possibilities,” the aide announced shortly thereafter, PADD in hand.  “Gifts for the first anniversary of one’s marriage include paper products or time pieces.  You could offer _T’Sai_ Amanda an antique Terran paper calendar,” he suggested in what he thought was a logical combination of the alternatives. 

Sarek just looked puzzled.  What did such things have to do with his bond to Amanda?

Undaunted, Soran continued.  “There are numerous species of blooming flora, including members of the genus _Rosa_ as well as the species _Dianthus_ _caryophyllus,_ _Viola wittrockiana,_ and _Citrus sinensis,_ that are also associated with the first wedding anniversary.  Gifts of jewelry are also acceptable.”

 

Sarek tipped his head negatively.  Vulcans did not, as a regular practice, give gifts, and none of these had any particular significance to him, nor did he suspect, Amanda.

Soran was running out of practical options. “In some Earth cultures, the good fortune associated with certain dates is celebrated, based on calendars which track the movement of Sol’s planets.  However, you would need to have chosen a different wedding date for this.  In others, part of the traditional confection served on the original wedding day is preserved and then eaten on the event’s first anniversary.  However, you did not have part of your wedding cake placed in stasis, did you?”

Sarek glowered at the implied judgment.

Soran continued, a little less confidently. “Lastly, and I do not know if these traditions correspond with _T’Sai_ Amanda’s ancestry, but you could build an arch of boughs from a tree belonging to the genus _Pinus_ over her doorway as a commemoration.  Or consume a fruitcake together.”

In spite of himself, Sarek could not resist asking. “What is a fruitcake?”

“It is an amalgam of Terran fruits, nuts, and grain products, bound together with large quantities of sucrose.”

Brow wrinkling in distaste, Sarek looked up at his aide. “None of these options are palatable.”

“I concur,” Soran replied, nodding gravely. “I considered posting the question to an advice forum on the subject—” he began, but stopped seeing Sarek’s brows climb. 

Sarek did not know what an advice forum was but he could ascertain the gist of it.  _For logic’s sake, no._ Perhaps his aide was becoming a bit too comfortable with Human research methods.

“—but I decided against it,” Soran concluded, to Sarek’s relief.

As a result, the date approached, and Sarek confronted an array of unsatisfactory options, all illogical, in his opinion. Could it be so simple that the most logical approach was to show his wife that he did, in fact, remember?

ooo

Sarek’s mood was contemplative as he gazed out of his office window on a beautiful October morning.  He and Amanda were soon to depart for their “anniversary weekend,” as Amanda had described it.  He was curious as to what this would entail, but she had refused to divulge any details.  Even now, as she was meeting with Soran to requisition supplies for the trip, she had effectively shielded her thoughts from him.  This in itself, he realized, was quite a different state of affairs from what they had been just a little over a year ago.

_July, 2229_

_Sarek had been leaving a meeting in UFP headquarters, deep in conversation with T’Vey, when he felt the wave of emotion wash over him. It was… happiness. Sheer, giddy, bubbling happiness. He blinked slowly, absorbing it in the privacy of his mind.  Amanda was experiencing one of the surges of emotion to which she had been particularly prone in these first few days since their bonding.  It was a… pleasant, he admitted to himself, if occasionally distracting, phenomenon to experience her emotions even as he denied them in himself._

_He looked up to see Amanda, who had just spied them as she rounded a corner into the same corridor.  Then his peripheral vision detected a movement to his right.  T’Vey had glanced up at him, surprise flashing momentarily across her face. Then, quite uncharacteristically, the communications chief dropped her gaze to stare down at the floor, avoiding eye contact with either him or Amanda._

_Sarek realized then that he was not the only one to sense Amanda’s powerful burst of emotion._ Embarrassment is illogical _, he quickly told himself, stolidly maintaining his equilibrium._

_Amanda approached them, and he extended two fingers toward his_ ko-kugalsu.

_“My intended.”_

_Taking in his tall, austere form, her smile was as bright as the Terran sun. “Sarek!  T’Vey,” she politely greeted the aide as she touched her bondmate’s fingers.  Something in T’Vey’s posture caught her attention, though.  Realization dawned.  This was not the first time…_

//I’m broadcasting again, aren’t I?// _She asked him silently, chagrined._

_Sarek’s eyes softened, only enough for her to see. He appreciated his intended’s sensitivity, to note even Vulcan reactions._ //You will learn,// _he replied gently, sending her affection through the bond_. //And I am gratified that our bonding pleases you, _K’diwa_.//

_A burst of Amanda’s love reached back to him through the bond, and this time, he was certain T’Vey did not detect a thing._

ooo

A short while later, Amanda appeared at Sarek’s door, Soran in tow. “I think we’ve got everything!” she announced cheerfully. “Camping gear, food, cold weather gear for you…”

Soran looked concerned.  “Indeed,” he chimed in.  “ _T’Sai_ Amanda has requisitioned a significant number of cold weather articles for your use, _S’Haile_.”

“Indeed,” Sarek returned, now wondering a bit more himself. He turned to Amanda. “Am I to know this journey on which you intend to lead us?”

Amanda smiled.  “Of course, _Adun_. I think your staff would be apoplectic if I didn’t tell you, and them, ahead of time.”  _And I know how much you dislike not being in control of a situation, my husband_ …

Soran sniffed.  “Vulcans do not become ‘apoplectic,’ _T’Sai_. Nevertheless, Stanek and I would quite logically like to know your plans for the ambassador.”

“Now Soran,” Amanda grinned, relishing an opportunity to tease the chief of staff, “I will tell you where we’re going, but my _plans_ for my husband are a private matter!”

Soran promptly flushed ever so slightly green.

“My wife…” Sarek began.

“Right then,” Amanda breezed onward, pulling out a PADD and pretending not to notice the Vulcan discomfiture around her, “Here’s our itinerary…”

ooo

The next day, after appropriate but remote security arrangements had been made, a Vulcan and Human couple materialized at the edge of a glacier-carved lake high in the Canadian Rockies.  For the time being it was uninhabited, by Humans, at least, and after the transporter whine died away all that could be heard were the sounds of birds, the wind gently whistling through the tall pines, and the gentle lapping of tiny waves at the lake’s shore.

Sarek took in the scene around him.  The lake’s water was as startling a blue as his wife’s eyes, and the thick stand of tall conifers towering up from the shore completely different from Vulcan flora.  The air temperature was at least 10º C colder than that in San Francisco, and he was grateful for the extra thermal clothing he wore.

As interesting as the surroundings were, the sight of his wife was even more so.  Amanda’s face was flushed, from the cold or from excitement or both, and her eyes beamed as she looked out over the lake.

“This is it!” Amanda exclaimed.  “My family came here to Banff almost every summer, from before my brother and I even learned to walk.  I’ve been all over these peaks; I learned to camp, paddle, hike, orienteer, fish, and ride horseback here, among other things.” She looked up at her husband. “I’ve been wanting to share this with you.  It’s a piece of who I am.”

Offering her the _oz’hesta_ , Sarek nodded gravely.  “I am honored, my wife.”  He could feel her intense emotions as she recalled this place, feelings that were not dissimilar to his own hidden thoughts when he contemplated his ancestral home. _That she would willingly leave this behind, to accompany me…_

His thoughts were interrupted as Amanda turned toward the pile of gear that had materialized with them. 

“We need to find the kayaks…” she was saying as she rummaged through the pile.  “A-ha!” she exclaimed a minute later, pulling two turquoise colored bundles from near the bottom.  “Here… like so,” she said, showing him how to unfold and then expand the lightweight craft. In no time they had the two kayaks assembled at the water’s edge and were loading gear into them.

“We’re going to paddle across the lake and camp on the other side,” Amanda informed Sarek.  “No trails to hike there,” she added in response to his unasked question.

Sarek looked askance at the tiny craft, already laden with equipment.

“It’ll hold you,” Amanda said with confidence. “I checked.”

He was decidedly unsure, but decided to defer to her judgment, at least for the moment.

“Normally you get in by wading into the water first, but I don’t want you to get wet…” Without hesitation Amanda strode into the water. “ _Ooh!_ Wow, that’s cold!” she exclaimed as she began towing the kayak toward a flat rock that jutted out into the lake.

Seeing Sarek take a step in her direction when she yelped, she quickly waved him off.  “Oh no you don’t.  I’m fine. You’ll get in from there, so you don’t get hypothermia in the first five minutes,” Amanda directed, pointing toward the rock.

It was tricky, and the craft almost capsized, but Sarek made it into his kayak without getting (too) wet.  It rode very low in the water – Sarek noted there were mere centimeters between the top of the kayak’s gunnels and the surface of the lake – but it remained stable.  He hoped he would not have to use his newly acquired swimming skills.

Following a quick lesson in paddling from Amanda, they were soon moving away from shore.  Fortunately, the breeze had died, so their traverse was smooth and quiet.  Sarek was fascinated with this manual method of crossing the water.  It did indeed appear to be more efficient than hiking would have been, and he watched with great interest everything he could see below the surface, when he was not appreciatively observing the expertise with which Amanda led them across the lake.

In a little more than an hour, they neared the opposite shore.  Amanda located another rock for Sarek to climb out onto while she steadied his kayak, and then, with his help, carefully pulled them both up onto the sloping rock that comprised the shore at this location.

They quickly unloaded the two boats and soon had the heater/stove unit running while they unpacked the rest of the gear. Sarek was easily able to familiarize himself with the equipment; much of it was similar in function, if not in form factor, to items he had used for desert treks on Vulcan.

The only mishap occurred when Amanda demonstrated the bear deterrent device.  “We have black bears as well as grizzlies here, and we don’t want them thinking our supplies are a food source.  This setting,” she gestured, “masks our scent and the scent of our food in the nearby area, and this one,” she pressed a button, “sets off a sonic repellant.”

She looked up in surprise as Sarek visibly winced.

“ _Aduna_ , it does not only repel bears on that setting.  Perhaps we could rely on the scent masking capability alone?”

Sonic irritant quickly dispatched, they set up the rest of camp.  Sarek was setting out food for end-meal when he looked up to see Amanda wading in the water, her shorts rolled up and her shirt wet from splashing. He watched her for a few minutes, and then, deciding she had been away from his side for too long, he walked to the water’s edge.

“You confront me with yet another diplomatic challenge, my wife.”

Amanda paused, knee-deep in the water.  “And what is that?”

Sarek spread his hands.  “How may I negotiate your return to dry land?”

A soft smile lit his bondmate’s face as she closed the distance between them, taking care not to splash him.  Rising up on tiptoe to kiss him, she murmured, “I hope we have enough privacy for this, my husband.”

“I believe we do, in fact,” he returned, gently kissing her back.  “As it is not outside the bounds of ambassadorial privilege, I arranged for this area of the park to be closed for the time that we are here.”

“Oh, Sarek, what a romantic thing to do!”

“It was logical, my wife.”

“Of course, my husband.”

They ate a simple end meal and sat by the heater, looking out over the water, first watching the sunset colors come and go, and then enjoying the sight of a full moon rising overhead.

Sarek found himself fascinated by the reflection of the moon on the gently moving waters of the lake and the ethereal flitting of bats across its surface in the moonlight.  The air was cold but he was not uncomfortable.  The watery aspects of their surroundings were alien to his experience, yet the full moon above them was not so different than T’Kuht over the Forge.   _Kol-ut-shan_ again. He was filled with a sense of serenity as they sat in contented silence.

Amanda, for her part, was content to share this place and experience with Sarek.  She looked forward to sharing similar experiences with him on his world, although for the moment she had only ideas of what they might be like.  Some vague sense of intuition had told her she should share this with him sooner rather than later, and she was glad to have the occasion of their anniversary to seize upon.

As darkness descended and the temperature began to drop in earnest, Amanda stirred.

 “Well, I guess it’s about time to break out the tent.”

“‘Tent?’”  Sarek asked.

“Yes, this,” Amanda replied, reaching for the one item they had not set up yet, a green, box-like plastiform cube. Pressing a button on its side, Amanda stood back as the box popped up and folded open into a two-person tent, ready for their waiting gear. Sarek stared at it quizzically.

“It provides shelter from cold, rain and wind,” Amanda supplied.  “You have never used something like this?”

Sarek tipped his chin in the negative.  “No. On desert outings, there is no rain; such a shelter would be insufficient in case of a sandstorm; and its walls would inhibit the detection of predators.  We hear them,” he added for clarification.

“Oh…” was all Amanda murmured, lost once again in the depths of his eyes.

The air was filled with the quiet sounds of the lake lapping gently upon the shore, a light evening wind blowing through the trees.  The rising moon lit their surroundings with a magical glow.  Their eyes met, as if they both suddenly noticed the beauty all around them and how alone they were in it.  Time seemed suspended for a moment, just for them.

“You will show me the features of this contrivance,” he commanded quietly with that stare she had come to know well, and Amanda smiled, bemused.  His thoughts were clearly on other things.

Ignoring his demand, she reached up and slowly stroked one of his ears. “Which contrivance?” she whispered. “This one…?”  she breathed, and she could feel his soundless moan.

Now his hands were on her body, inflaming her with their electric touch.  Her soft cries rose in pitch, sounds most beautiful to his senses, for they told him that she was his.  Passion overtook him.  Then their clothes were falling like a gentle rain, and they quickly found themselves naked in the moonlight, bodies pressing together with rising, urgent ardor.

“Please,” she moaned, aching for completion, and he could do nothing less, tenderly bundling her into their tiny shelter to complete their union once again.

ooo

The next morning dawned clear and cold, a layer of steam rising from the slightly warmer lake.  When Amanda awoke with a shiver, she noticed only Sarek’s nose poking out from his side of their sleeping bag.  His even breathing told her he was either still asleep or meditating, most likely the latter.

Bracing herself, she wrapped a jacket around her naked body as she stepped out of the tent to heat water for tea.  Hopping from one foot to the other in an effort to dispel the cold, she noticed the large, well-formed track that had not been there the night before.  “Great Bird!” she breathed.

“What concerns you, my wife?” came Sarek’s smooth voice from inside.

“I’m not concerned; it’s just unusual.  Puma tracks right here in our camp!” She felt his query through the bond.  “Puma, cougar, mountain lion.  A large, wild cat. Like a le-matya, only smaller and with fur, but without poison.”

“Oh,” he replied, unconcerned.  “These do not sound dangerous.”

Amanda snorted, poking her head inside the tent. “Well, you don’t look so fearsome right now, either,” she retorted, eyeing his still-bundled form.

“Nonetheless,” came his haughty response, “if I am required to defend my bondmate from furry Terran predators, I will do so, even in these frigid temperatures.”

Amanda laughed, and grabbed two mugs of tea. Normally it would be best to depart early on the hike she had planned for them, to avoid afternoon storms. But deciding to take pity on her husband’s Vulcan metabolism, she scrapped that plan and opted to snuggle for warmth instead.

ooo

Afternoon found them high up on a rocky pass. The trail grew steeper and Sarek settled into a comfortable pace.  The thinner air and the bright sun were reminiscent of Vulcan, and he felt invigorated, taking in the panoramic view. The craggy, vegetation-less peaks were also like those on Vulcan, save for the white streaks of snow across their upper elevations.

Noticing that Amanda was several paces behind him now, breathless, Sarek stopped.  Stepping to her, he swept her up into his arms, still expressionless.

“You require rest, my wife.”  He continued to hike upward.

Amanda laughed at his sudden gesture, hugging his neck. And as she did, she felt an intense wave of contentment and affection that was not her own.  Her breath caught.  

//Yes, _Aduna_?//

//Do you feel...?// she began to ask.

//'Feel' what?// he asked in return.  Amanda wondered if this were typical Vulcan denial of the presence of emotion -- a real phenomenon, she now knew -- or if, in truth, he was at times not conscious of what he was feeling.  She decided not to question him further. _Just enjoying this is perfect._

“I know you could carry me all the way to the top without breaking a sweat,” she told him a few minutes later, smiling and switching to words, “but I should hike at least some of this myself.”  

With that, she pecked him on the cheek and made to get down. He released her, and then watched her shorts-clad, slender legs with interest as she strode up the trail.

They rounded a bend, and Amanda slowed, and Sarek thought to pick her up again when she stopped entirely.

“Oh darn,” Amanda said, pointing at the dark clouds moving rapidly toward their peak from the west.  “Afternoon thunderstorms,” she explained.  “They can blow in very suddenly, and bring lightening.  It's probably not safe for us up continue to the top,” she concluded apologetically.

Rather than being nonplussed by their objective being thwarted, Sarek's eyes danced with excitement as he scrutinized the approaching clouds. "Like sandstorms on the Sas-a-shar.  It is not so different."

"And what do you do when a sandstorm approaches?" Amanda asked him.

He turned toward her and took her hands, a different expression in his eyes now. "We take shelter until the storm passes."

ooo

Sometime later the crashing of the thunder had ceased but the rain still poured down.   From underneath the overhang on the outcropping that protected them, Amanda rested contentedly in Sarek’s arms.   She silently thanked whatever animal had left the soft bed of leaves that now cushioned them. She wouldn’t have predicted that their hike to see the local peaks would result instead in a detour under a rock – a necessary, but very pleasant, detour – just as she couldn’t have predicted the entirety of their journey together. It had been such an unlikely one from the beginning that she couldn’t help but wonder how it all had started from his perspective.

Curious, and emboldened enough by it to inquire, Amanda ventured the question. “Sarek…”

“Yes, my wife?”

“Do you remember when we first met?”

“Of course.”

“Whatever in the universe first attracted you to me, my husband?”

Sarek did not pretend to misunderstand her question. “You were bothlogical and passionate," he replied honestly.  “It was a… most compelling… combination.”

Before she could respond to his unexpectedly candid and romantic answer, he tilted his head at her, an obvious request to reciprocate.

Amanda complied, her voice soft with sudden shyness.  “Your eyes.  I felt you looked into my soul.”

Rather than discount such an illogical remark, Sarek leaned in closer and asked, "And did I succeed, _K_ _’diwa_?"

“Oh, yes,” she breathed, as their fingers and lips came together of one accord.

ooo

Back at camp just before sunset, they sat by the heater again, enjoying the freshly clear skies.  Sarek cleared his throat and looked at his _aduna_.

“My wife, as of this moment we have been married precisely one Terran year.”

“Oh, Sarek,” Amanda breathed, touched that he would recall their wedding so meticulously.

He continued.  “I must confess that I experienced some… difficulty in determining how best to mark this occasion with you.  However, I believe I have arrived at a logical solution.”

“And what is that, Sarek?” Amanda asked, now intensely curious.

“If you are agreeable,” he began, surprising Amanda with his hesitancy, “I would share my memories of our wedding with you. Is this… acceptable?”

Touched again by the shyness of his offer, Amanda realized that he was indeed offering her a very special gift.  Not only would she be almost reliving the event, given his eidetic memory, but she would also be doing so from his point of view, a perspective that she could perceive in no other way.  “I can’t imagine a more perfect way to celebrate this moment,” she breathed.

He raised his fingers to her face.

ooo

Much later, they lay side-by-side in the double sleeping bag, staring out at the stars, their fingers touching.  If the quality of reality can be judged by how it is remembered, then in hindsight, Sarek’s and Amanda’s first year together had been an especially good one.  They had weathered cultural misinterpretations, outside disapproval, the pain of a miscarriage; had learned a great deal more about one another than they had known when they bonded; and they remained bound by the passion and like-mindedness that had drawn them together in the first place.

Awash in contentment, Amanda gently stroked her husband’s fingertips and smiled.  They remained this way, in companionable silence for awhile – Amanda knew not how long – when she suddenly felt a wave of warm emotion wash over her, deep and intense.  Startled, she focused on the vivid feeling.  It was _joy_ , and it was Sarek’s.

Turning her face toward his, still holding his hand, Amanda murmured, “Are you… happy, Sarek?”

He hesitated for a moment.  Amanda already knew the truth; she could feel it through their bond.  But to verbalize such a state was nevertheless… improper, a gross breach of etiquette. Still, it was illogical not to acknowledge what was already plainly obvious, and with Amanda doing so would cause no offense.  “I am quite… content,” he replied softly, sounding a bit surprised at himself and almost chagrined, charming Amanda with his bashful confession.

“So am I,” she murmured.  “So am I.”

 


	19. Into the Unknown

## Into the unknown

 

The summons from T’Pau was not unanticipated; it just came earlier than expected.  Sarek took the call, listened as the Matriarch spoke her piece, and dutifully gave his assent.  He knew Amanda would not be happy, but at this point, there was little he could do.

This was not the first such call he had received. T’Pau had even importuned him to remain on Vulcan following their Terran honeymoon, but he had refused, stating that it was a poor time diplomatically for him to relocate.  Fortunately, she had accepted his logic then.

He was able to make the same argument twice more, both because it was essentially true and because he suspected Amanda would not wish to leave her home world just yet.  And as much as he himself wished to return to Vulcan, he also appreciated the relative privacy from Vulcan eyes while on Earth, during which they could solidify their new relationship as bondmates.

The Matriarch was not to be thwarted from her objective for long, however, even by Sarek.  Not only did she order him home this time, but she also announced that Skon would shortly be retiring from the High Council, requiring Sarek to take his father’s place. 

While this was indeed the case, the real reason for T’Pau’s sense of urgency was Sarek, not Skon.  Sarek’s Time was due now in just over two Vulcan years, and the onset of the fires was never precisely predictable.  It would not do for him to be on Earth when this occurred, even though he was now bonded.  There was simply too much risk.  It was logical to bring him and his bondmate home.

When this third call came, less than one Terran month after the last, Sarek knew he was out of options.  He could not shirk his duty to take over his father’s role. And he, too, was aware -- reluctantly so -- of the inexorably shrinking timeline that his mother did not mention. 

He did not look forward to taking Amanda away from her childhood home, even though she had already agreed to do so when it became necessary.  The reality of it would no doubt be emotionally difficult for her, and he wished to protect her from such pain.

Even so, he would be relieved to remove his bondmate from the chaotic environment of Earth to the calm and predictability of Vulcan. It was, after all, his duty to keep her safe.

ooo

Amanda stared out the window at the snow-covered Geneva landscape.   They were here to attend a holiday party at the Earth President’s residence, and it was beautiful, the weather and the old-fashioned Christmas decorations bringing back fond childhood memories of Christmases past.  Even though the event was largely a political one, as these diplomatic gatherings always were, for the Humans in attendance it also served as an added excuse to be festive. 

The president’s staff had gone out of its way to deck every surface, it seemed, with Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa finery. There were also tributes to Diwali, now past, as well as Chinese New Year, yet to come.  Evergreen garlands were strung in abundance, mistletoe hung slyly in certain doorways, and replicas of the many incarnations of Santa Claus were everywhere.

She had been enjoying the taste of actual winter weather as well as the celebratory cheer when she realized with a start that this was going to be the last holiday season that she would be celebrating as such, possibly for quite a while.   The thought put a damper on her festive spirits.  “Excuse me,” she had murmured to her companions before slipping away from the sounds of Christmas music, tinkling glasses, and laughing Humans and humanoids alike.

Now, staring out at the gently falling snow and at the colored lights that lit up the estate, Amanda sighed wistfully.   T’Pau had summoned Sarek back to Vulcan so soon.  _Why?_   It seemed as though they had only just begun their married lives here on Earth – finally free (for the most part) of a scandal-mongering press, protesters and terrorists.   They were just settling in with some sense of normalcy (whatever that was, for them), and now they’d been told they must uproot it all almost immediately and start over again, on Vulcan.

It wasn’t that Amanda didn’t wish to live on Vulcan. She did, very much so, and she knew Sarek would have new responsibilities there.  This move was just much earlier than expected, and with less time to adjust to leaving what had been her home for her entire life.

Fingers reaching out to touch the chilled window glass, she sighed again.  Maybe there would never be a time when she would feel completely ready.  _But then, Sarek has lived away from his home for how many decades?  Surely I can try to do the same for him._

Then she heard the slight rustle behind her, and before she could even turn she felt his presence beside her, his mind reaching for hers.  Sarek had extricated himself from his diplomatic duties of the moment and had come looking for her. Somehow, he always knew the right times to appear.

“Are you well, _Aduna_?” he asked quietly.  A pause, then, “You are troubled.”

Amanda shook her head, embarrassed.  “No, I — ” she began, then looked up into his discerning stare.  “It’s just, I’m going to miss all of this.”

“It is not logical to maintain such emotional attachments,” he chided.  “But it is quite… understandable.”

Amanda looked at her Vulcan spouse askance, unsure of whether he was teasing her or not.  Then his expression took on a more serious cast and he spoke again. He had heard what she had left unspoken.

“My wife, I will not deny that I… anticipate our arrival on Vulcan.  However, I also am aware that this move is not insignificant for you.”  He paused, and then slowly added,  “If it is too much, we can make alternative arrangements.”

Amanda’s eyes widened at his unexpected statement. “But Council members always reside on Vulcan.  It’s tradition.” Her expression revealed her confusion.  She knew how much he valued the traditions of his people.

“It is tradition,” he replied softly.  “Nevertheless,” he explained, “there have been occasions when I have found it necessary to forego tradition, when the reasons for doing so have been… compelling.”  She knew he was referring to their bonding, and she gave him a tender smile. His voice became deeper, huskier. “Your happiness, my wife, is… another compelling reason.”

Amanda gazed at Sarek’s olive-tinted features, so similar and yet so different from her own, admiring his dark hair, those elegant ears and penetrating eyes, beautiful yet alien.  Shouldn’t her instincts have told her to choose a man of her own kind, one more like herself?  Just as her instincts were telling her now to feel nervous about leaving her home planet behind? 

_No. In the essence of who we really are, there is no one who is a better match for me.  Regardless of the packaging and all that comes with it. I will follow him anywhere._

She stepped closer to him, closer than Vulcan protocol would find appropriate, but he allowed it.  “I love you,” she whispered, silently wishing to feel the comfort of his tall, solid frame, but knowing that less would have to suffice, for now.

“You honor me,” he replied solemnly.

He raised his hand, and Amanda lifted her two fingers to meet his in the _oz’hesta_. To her surprise, she felt his other hand reach around her waist and pull her toward him.  The air in the secluded alcove reverberated with his deep voice.  “ _Taluhk nash-veh k’dular, Aduna.”_

Just briefly, she laid her head on his chest. _//We can make our own holiday traditions.//_

_//Indeed, we shall.//_

ooo

It was a rare sunny day in San Francisco in late December, causing Amanda to practically drag Sarek outside to Golden Gate Park. Activities they had engaged in countless times, casual pleasures, now stood in stark relief for her as departure from Earth loomed.  Friends had issued dire warnings or wished good luck, good-byes had been said and visits promised, transitions arranged… Taking a walk along these paths was at once a relief from all this and a bittersweet reminder of what she would be leaving.

“We will return, _Aduna_ ,” Sarek murmured as they walked, sensing the tenor of her thoughts.

She smiled and offered him the _oz’hesta.  //I know, my husband,//_ she thought, appreciating his attempt to comfort her.  

At that moment they arrived at the entrance to the equestrian fields, where a polo match was currently in progress.  In Amanda’s mind, though, they were transported back in time, to a moment when they had stood at the threshold of another journey, one they were still traveling together. 

Suddenly, the idea of embarking to another planet seemed less daunting.

_//_ Adun _, do you remember…?//_

_//Indeed,_ K’diwa, _I do…//_

Their memories twined together…

_July, 2229_

_It was early July.  Sarek strode through the embassy’s corridors, lost in thought.  Having confirmed with the healer that there were no physiological obstacles to what he intended to do, he considered his next step.  He must now determine how to propose bonding to Amanda._

_That is, assuming she would be receptive to such an idea.  He recalled the translated words of_ The Seeker _he had left on her desk, and repressed a shudder.  He would have to explain the Time to her before asking her to become his bondmate. The only way to broach the topic, he had thought, was to answer her questions about the poem.  Now, however, he was reconsidering the wisdom of doing so. What if she perceived too clearly, and decided she could not accept further attentions from him as a result? He closed his eyes momentarily. He would deal with that eventuality when and if it came to pass._ It is not logical to focus only on the negative, _he told himself._

_Shifting his thoughts, he re-focused on the proposal itself.  He would need to secure some time alone with Amanda. That could be problematic. His own research told him that Humans proposed marriage in often shockingly public places – such as restaurants. He had no intention of behaving in such a vulgar manner.   Fortunately, his perception of Amanda’s sensibilities told him that she would not prefer a public spectacle, either._

_But approaching her in very private circumstances could pose other_ _difficulties.  He was not sanguine about suggesting they meet in his quarters again.  He had not thought it an issue beforehand, but his control had most definitely been tested by the close contact that resulted the evening of their “dance lesson.” It would be dishonorable to have an improper physical interaction with his intended, he told himself, even as he acknowledged the depth of his desire to do so._   I must meditate on such impulses.

_In the meantime, however, his sense of urgency was undiminished; he must take the steps necessary to secure his bondmate.  He turned down the hallway toward her office._

_ooo_

_Amanda stared at the envelope on her desk for the umpteenth time that day. Was it simply a translation of an ancient poem, or had he meant to tell her more?  She shook her head in frustration at herself._ You’re not going to find out right now; go get some work done.  _With that she rose and headed out of her office._

_And looked up to see the figure who had been on her mind all day striding toward her in the hallway.  In a momentary flash of panic, Amanda considered ducking back into her office. But Sarek had already seen her. She pleaded silently with herself._ Please, please don’t embarrass yourself.  And definitely don’t embarrass him with your feelings!

_He had reached her.  The air was somehow thick with anticipation._

_She met his eyes and smiled.  “Sarek.”_

_“Amanda.” His hawk-eyed gaze was penetrating and Amanda feared she had somehow projected too much with that simple greeting.  Was it possible to say, “I love you” merely by speaking his name?  She was afraid to know the answer._

_Sarek noted her flushed face, heard her voice tinged with emotion, could sense her accelerated pulse._ She is… embarrassed? _He wondered, and then again recalling_ The Seeker’s _words, felt fear clench around him._   The probability of her rejecting my next overture is high. _In that moment, he did not even seek to calculate the odds. He steeled himself, and cleared his throat._

_“A… personal inquiry.  I realize that it is short notice, but are you perhaps free this evening?”_

_Amanda smiled, bemused.  He prefaced every one of his requests for dates with her – and that’s what they were – in the same formal way, as “a personal inquiry,” even though they had spent many evenings together each week in recent months.  But she didn’t feel like teasing him at the moment. She very much wanted to see him tonight._

_“Yes, Sarek, I’m free.  What did you have in mind?”_  Why is my heart racing?

_Sarek suppressed the relief he felt at her acceptance, and then chastised himself sternly for not having an answer to her question._    How am I so illogically unprepared?

_“I must confess that I would appreciate some advice regarding a venue,” he admitted.  “Although I am aware of a number of diverting outings, I am concerned about the intrusiveness of the press,” he finished, sincerely hoping that she would not suggest dinner alone in either one of their living spaces._ Dealing with the press would be far more preferable than explaining to her why I am resistant to such an idea.

_Amanda thought for a moment.  She, too, was tired of dodging reporters.  But when they had dined in his quarters before they had been, well,_ too _alone._   Lord knows what I’d be tempted to do!

_An idea occurred to her, recalling his astrophysics background. “I know,” she said, inspired, “Let’s meet in Golden Gate Park, at the west entrance to the equestrian field. If we arrive separately, there will be less chance of attracting press attention.  It’ll be dark by 2100.  We’ll find a spot to sit somewhere, and we can talk about the stars.”_

_Sarek gazed down at her, working to conceal the burst of affection he felt. “A logical suggestion,” he agreed._ We will talk about the stars, and so much more, I hope.  _He resisted the temptation to reach for her hand._

_Amanda stared back at him, unknowingly as mesmerized as he was._ There is so much I want to ask of you… but I’m not sure I should.

_Silence stretched between them and a sudden awkwardness ensued, each not wanting to reveal what must surely be heretical thoughts to the other._

_“Well, I, um, have to go right now…”_

_“I, too, have obligations.”_

_“See you at 2100?”_

_“Indeed.”_

_At the time, neither could know the promise of that meeting in the park, nor that, twelve hours later, they would be bound together forever._

_It would begin as an innocent, sweet evening together, laced with hidden thoughts, before quickly evolving:  an awkward kiss, followed by one much less so; …a revelation of difficult but necessary truths and the unexpected acceptance of them; …and suddenly he would be on his knee asking for her hand, and then there would be inexplicably both tears and joy as she gave it to him.  Realizing that they knew one another’s hearts, they would determine to step into the unknown together._

ooo

One week later, husband and wife took off from a Terran spacedock, heading to another destination both known, yet filled with the unknown, for the two of them. 

 

[END PART I]

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you've enjoyed Part I of this story. It may be a couple of weeks before I post again; I have to get further along on Part II before I start putting it up. If only RL would just slow down for awhile... I'll do my best.


	20. Known and Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part II begins here! Sarek and Amanda are departing Earth for the move to Vulcan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In posting Part 2 of this story, I'd like to dedicate it to the memory of Leonard Nimoy, and to DC Fontana. Without his portrayal of Spock, and her story development, we never would have had Sarek & Amanda.

The _Surak _hung suspended in space for a moment, having disengaged from the Terran spacedock and was now awaiting clearance to go to warp. The ship’s lone Human passenger gazed quietly at the large viewscreen in the ship’s common area, eyes fixed on the image of Earth turning below them.__

The previous ten days had been an endless stream of good-byes and well wishes – with a fair number of cautionary warnings thrown in – from friends and colleagues alike. In a sense, Amanda was glad it was over; the gut-wrenching, bereft feeling of parting from people she cared about when she had no idea when she would see many of them again was too intense, even for someone skilled in shielding herself from emotional pain.

It wasn’t as if she wouldn’t be back. Her own work would bring her here periodically, and Earth was, after all, the seat of the Federation, where her new husband was an ambassador to the same. And simultaneously, she really was looking forward to living on Vulcan. They would be putting down roots, as the saying went, in a culture she admired, and they would be starting their lives anew together, she with the man she loved more than anything. _That’s worth a little short-term pain_ , Amanda told herself. She returned her attention to the blue planet below, committing its orbiting features to memory.

Sarek of Vulcan watched his Human wife in turn, outwardly detached but inwardly carefully cataloging every detail of her reaction to her departure. She was about to leave the world of her birth behind. They would, of course, return here often enough, it was most likely, but so long as his wishes had anything to do with it, Earth would never again be her home. He quelled a flutter of guilt. The emotion was illogical, and their actions had already been decided and agreed upon. _She is mine_.

His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet announcement in _Vuhlkansu, _and then an almost imperceptible jolt as the ship’s powerful engines gathered themselves and leapt to warp. The stars appeared to coalesce into a cluster in front of the Surak, and Earth disappeared.__

Reacting with a smoothness and swiftness he did not expect, Amanda turned from the viewscreen and touched her fingers to his. She looked up at him. “Well, that’s that. Bon voyage to us!”

“We will, of course, return,” he murmured.

“Oh, I know,” she said dismissively. “But at least when we do, we won’t be hauling all of this stuff of mine!”

Her eyes twinkled at him then, and he marveled at her resilience in the midst of what would be an understandably emotional experience for her. Her emotions were mixed, that he could detect; she was feeling sadness – and working hard to suppress it -- but also anticipation, and affection for him. He suspected there was greater depth and complexity to what she was feeling, but her ability to shield her emotions, even from him, had improved significantly since their bonding. Seeking to maintain the mood she appeared to desire, he responded in kind. “It is a rather large quantity of belongings, my wife. I was quite surprised by the length of the manifest.”

“It’s mostly books,” Amanda retorted. “And at least I don’t already possess a _castle_ full of who-knows-what.”

“It is a fortress,” Sarek responded with dignity. “There is a difference.”

“Sure there is,” came her dry reply. Then she changed the subject. “I’m starved. I’m going to see if we can have mid-meal served.” With that she turned to search out a crewmember.

Sarek watched her depart, pensive. For him, they were returning home, to his home. He had lived many years away from Vulcan, in various locales around the Federation, but he always had the expectation that he would return to his home planet. He was now asking – indeed, assuming – that his wife would live without that expectation herself, and instead make his world hers.

The enormity of the sacrifice she was making struck him again. There was only one reason, and a questionably logical one at that, that she would make such a commitment, and it was the depth of her regard for him. He knew Human love as a concept, intellectually understood only imperfectly what she described it to be, and emotionally was quite floored that she would direct such intensity of feeling toward him. In a rare departure from the tremendous self-confidence and even occasional arrogance he possessed regarding himself, in Amanda’s case Sarek was quite sure he did not deserve such devotion.

His thoughts were interrupted again, this time by a crewmember informing him that mid-meal had been served in his quarters, per his _aduna’s_ request. Nodding gravely, Sarek acknowledged the crewman and departed to seek out his wife.

The doors to their cabin swished open at his approach and Amanda smiled sheepishly up at him, chewing on a vegetable. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t wait,” she admitted.

“It is of no concern, _Aduna_. You should nourish yourself adequately,” he returned solicitously. With his statement a host of other protective thoughts returned and he crossed to her, standing close. “My wife…” he began slowly, “please do not feel the need to shield me from any emotions you may be experiencing as a result of departing from Earth.”

Amanda simply looked at him for a moment before she parsed what he was trying to say. She was, in fact, feeling a great deal of emotion right now, but she was trying to shield herself from that reality even more than from him. _Be strong, Grayson,_ she willed herself. _Don’t make this transition any more difficult – for either one of us._ She blinked rapidly a few times, to dispel any betraying tears.

Then she reached up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek, hoping the brief contact wouldn’t reveal too much.“I love you, Sarek,” she told him. “But I’ll be fine… really. Of course, I’ll miss Earth, and I may even feel homesick at times…” She swallowed and plunged onward, “But I’ll treasure the experience of living on Vulcan. And more than any of that I want us to be together. You have obligations requiring you to be on Vulcan, and I should be able to teach just about anywhere. So this is logical for us.” _I can do this, for him_.

Amanda’s determination bled across their bond. Although he felt his bondmate’s emotions quite strongly at the moment, her reasoning was quite rational and so Sarek found himself at a loss to explain why his voice suddenly sounded so husky when he responded, “Logical.”

Nor could he explain why, even though it was time for mid-meal, he instead brought his fingers to her face to join their minds, simultaneously pulling her close. He kissed her, Human-style, on each eyelid, catching the excess moisture he observed pooling there before it spilled over. His words, even his thoughts, failed to organize themselves coherently – but he would attempt to address that concern at another time. This failing had manifested itself before, and then as now, Amanda was not perturbed, a fact for which he was quite grateful. Fortunately, he still possessed one other way to express his gratitude.

And so he did.


	21. A Day of Firsts

Sarek stood on the balcony outside the sleeping chamber, watching Alam’ak’s rays slowly spread light over the L-langons. Having been awake and active for hours now, as was his habit, he took a moment at sunrise to reflect.

Glancing inside at the still-sleeping form of his wife, he allowed himself to feel a measure of satisfaction. Her presence at D’H’Riset was proof that he had accomplished an important objective: he had brought his bondmate here, to his permanent home, where she belonged. Of course, there would be times when they would travel together on lengthy diplomatic assignments, but when they did so she would remain under his watchful eye, and they would regularly return to this place, his ancestral home on Vulcan. Not only was this traditionally where they should reside, but the peace and logic of Vulcan society also provided the additional security and discipline he needed to keep her protected in an otherwise chaotic universe.

It was his duty to protect and provide for his bondmate, a responsibility and an honor he took very seriously. The incidents they had experienced so far related to their marriage made the logic of settling on Vulcan obvious. She would be safe here as his bondmate, insulated from illogical beings hostile to their pairing.

And even though their relationship had not yet been completely formalized by Vulcan tradition, he regarded that remaining step as little more than a formality. She was his, and he hers, by their bonding, by Federation law and by their mutual agreement. The Vulcan ceremony that awaited them in the future would merely confirm what they already knew. In the meantime, he had every expectation that their bond would be respected. While there would undoubtedly be some who would question his actions, he was confident his logic would prevail. _She is mine_.

At that point, Sarek was drawn from his reverie. His aduna was awakening.

ooo

Amanda was exhausted. Her first day on Vulcan as a new resident was a far cry from her first day as a visitor. While she had thought during their honeymoon that her first day planet-side had been rather jam-packed for one who had not yet fully acclimated, either to the environment or to Vulcan culture, she realized in hindsight that it had been a veritable walk in the park – a quiet, nearly deserted park -- compared to the frenetic day she had just experienced.

She had awoken at dawn. Something tickled her awareness into consciousness, and in spite of her body’s deep desire to remain asleep while once again acclimating and after arriving late the night before, she could not.

She awoke to see Sarek standing just outside on the balcony to their bedroom, hands behind his back, apparently surveying the estate. She had barely blinked twice when he turned to her.

“My wife. There is much to be done today.”With that he strode toward her, tapping something on a nearby screen before offering her the _oz’hesta_. “You are rested?” he asked, surveying her face in minute detail.

“Yes – ” she began, quickly covering her mouth as she yawned. But before she could say anything more a servant entered, carrying a tray of tea and other items.

Amanda’s eyes widened at this sudden appearance, and she hastily pulled one of the bedcovers around her body for modesty’s sake. Recalling Sarek’s enthusiastic welcome home in this very spot the night before, she flushed. Her concern was misplaced, however.

The young woman was now conversing earnestly with Sarek, and although her voice was pitched too low for Amanda to discern most of it, amidst the _Vuhlkansu_ she did hear the Terran word “coffee.” Apparently there was some concern in the kitchen as to whether the Earth beverage had been prepared properly. Amanda bit her lip as a swell of tenderness overtook her. It seemed her husband had overlooked no detail in welcoming her to Vulcan.

Sarek lifted the lid of the coffee pot to observe, sniffing slightly. Concluding his inspection, he tilted his head toward the servant. “Satisfactory. Your service honors us.”

“I am honored,” the young woman murmured. With a polite nod to Amanda, she turned silently and departed.

Sarek filled one of the delicate cups with coffee and offered it to his wife, his expression earnest.

“Thank you, _Adun_ ,” she breathed, touching his fingers as she took the cup and newly appreciating the Vulcan custom of a bondmate serving his _aduna_.

//I love you,// she thought to him. She didn’t miss the warmth that filled his eyes.

He then proceeded to serve her the rest of the light Vulcan breakfast, having obviously eaten much earlier himself. Between bites, Amanda asked, “So, what is the ‘much that needs to be done’ today?”

“Acquainting you with the rest of D’H’Riset, situating your belongings from Earth, and other introductions. And I must check in with my offices. I thought you might wish to do the same at the VSA.”

“Doesn’t sound too bad,” Amanda replied, neatly wiping her mouth on the Vulcan version of a napkin. “ _Mmm_ , that was delicious. You are very sweet to arrange breakfast in bed for me.”

Sarek merely flicked a brow upward at her statement. “To ascribe a taste sensation to my actions is most illogical, my wife. You are adequately nourished, then?”

At her nod, he rose and gently enjoined her to dress, and Amanda had the fleeting impression she was being hurried along. Before turning to depart the bedchamber, he informed her, “You will join me downstairs.”

Alam’ak was now climbing over the foothills, and Sarek strode through the great entry hall with purpose. The fortress’ entire staff had assembled outside in the courtyard at his behest. Arriving there, he surveyed the gathered assemblage with approval, and then, as if on cue, picked up the sounds of his wife approaching from inside.

Amanda appeared at the entryway, looking out at him curiously. Her eyes widened as she took in the rather large number of Vulcan staff, all in a line, standing at attention in the courtyard.

Sarek held his hand outstretched in the _oz’hesta_ , bidding Amanda to join him. As she did, still wondering what all this was about, he turned to address the assembled personnel, his resonant voice resounding across the courtyard.

“Honored clan members and loyal staff, I present she who is _Aduna, T’Sai_ Amanda Grayson.” As one, the assembled group silently inclined their heads toward the new arrival. “My wife, these are the regular staff of D’H’Riset. They will introduce themselves to you, and you may direct them as you see fit.”

_What?_ Amanda tried to hide her discomfort in front of their sizable audience. _He could have at least informed me of this ahead of time…_ She had no idea this many people could actually be present in the fortress and it still remain so silent. And he had said “regular” staff – did that mean that occasionally there were more? She didn’t really want a staff – hadn’t considered ever having one at all, truthfully – but then, she thought, observing the long line of Vulcans in the shadow of the huge building, _I guess it makes sense that there would be a dedicated workforce for a place like this. Welcome to another aspect of your new life, Amanda._ It seemed as though an entire town or even a minor city was employed at D’H’Riset.

She reflected as well that the scene before her could have just as easily taken place centuries beforehand, and it struck her that perhaps much of Vulcan life changed only very slowly. This no doubt has taken place many times before, she thought with a minor flash of insight, only all the _T’Sai_ preceding me were Vulcan.

Meanwhile, Sarek glanced up at the ascending sun and made a quick decision. “ _Aduna_ ,” he said, directing her attention to his outstretched fingers once again. He led her back indoors, knowing the staff would follow to greet the new _T’Sai_. He would not have her remain outside in the unforgiving sun.

The introductions then followed, each staff member greeting Amanda with his or her name and function, Amanda politely answering every one. The comportment of the group of Vulcans ranged from utterly stoic to openly curious, and she realized that some had never before seen a Human in person.

Sarek simply stood by, his discerning gaze focused on the interactions before him. Amanda could sense a quiet pride emanating from him – pride for _her_ , she realized – while he carefully scrutinized his domestic staff’s acceptance of his Human bondmate.

He had protectively kept the staff away from her during their brief stay at the fortress during their honeymoon, ostensibly not wishing her to be overwhelmed. And in truth, he also sought to carefully control the environment in which they met his bondmate. This group, as a kind of extension of himself, was responsible for maintaining and caring for the archaic fortress, and now, it would also partially be responsible for caring for _her_. Their assistance would be needed as his wife found her place in his world. He could not fully quell his sense of vulnerability at the thought of entrusting others with her wellbeing, even those vetted by years of service to his home and to him personally. He would tolerate no hesitance in their complete acceptance of her.

When they had finally finished the lengthy introductions, Amanda looked forward to a brief letup from the intense scrutiny of the Vulcan staff. Sarek had other plans, however. He immediately directed a number of personnel to begin bringing in Amanda’s belongings that had been transported aboard the Surak, which they did, turning to her for direction as to where to situate them. When she turned to him for guidance, he simply deferred the decision-making back to her.

“This is your home now, my wife. I offer it up to you to adapt as you see fit.”

She hadn’t brought much in the way of Terran furniture, only a few family heirlooms, but taking in the openly curious and occasionally wary looks of the Vulcan staff assigned to unpacking and depositing her things, she couldn’t help but imagine that her belongings represented some kind of invasion force. And perhaps they did, as incontrovertible evidence of a Human’s presence here in the stronghold of Surak.

Fortunately, her strange Earth possessions proved to be an unexpected source of connection, as well. The uncrating of her antique rocking chair spawned curious murmurs, hushed until one of the workers caught Amanda’s eye.

“ _T’Sai_ , please pardon the intrusion,” she began. “I am curious. Can you explain the purpose of this device?”

Glad to be drawn into conversation, Amanda smiled broadly – for she had yet to learn to control the habit, having been resident on her new world for less than a day. She quickly wiped it away, though, seeing T’Van’s eyes widen in surprise at the overt emotional display.

“It’s called a rocking chair. One sits in it and moves it, like so,” Amanda, now the straight-faced professor, informed as she briefly demonstrated.

T’Van still seemed perplexed until her colleague, Sason, interjected. “Ah – it is like a _ku-san-na’mekhlar_ , is it not?”

“Why yes,” Amanda agreed, charmed by the term, “It is.”

T’Van inclined her head in acknowledgement, studying the chair. “Ours is structured differently, but the function appears the same.”

“ _Kol-ut-shan_ ,” Sason murmured, sounding somewhat surprised to find an embodiment of IDIC amidst a pile of Human belongings.

Amanda nodded in agreement, smiling only the faintest smile she could manage.

If the chair was an object of interest, however, it did not compare to the fascination generated by her books. Amanda had directed the movers to bring the crates housing them to the Fortress’ _shi'dunap_ , or library, and as they did she could already see their querying looks. _What is it that the new_ T’Sai _would wish to add to this place? If she possessed material to add to the library, surely it would arrive in a much smaller volume, or be transmitted in, would it not?_

Most of the _shi'dunap_ was extremely modern; much of its resources were electronic and accessed digitally from local or remote sources. Aged documents were also kept here, although most were kept in environmentally controlled storage. The old volumes here rested in compartments designed specifically for them, and as Amanda looked around she counted rows and rows of scrolls. About to instruct the movers to simply leave the books crated until some bookshelves could be built, she turned to find that they had already opened one crate, and were curiously thumbing through a few of the odd paper and cloth-bound volumes.

Completely engrossed in inspecting these alien, obviously antique, troves of information, the three workers did not notice her watching them, fascinated herself. At her soft intake of breath, their heads snapped up as one and they hastily shut the books they had been inspecting.

“We beg forgiveness, _T’Sai_ ,” the one named Sil intoned with great seriousness. “We have intruded upon your privacy.”

Amanda bit back a laugh of surprise, shaking her head instead. “It is no intrusion, Sil,” she replied. “I’m gratified by your interest,” she added, hoping to build another bridge.

“Indeed,” Sil answered cautiously, and then gestured at the book in his hand. “If I may inquire, what does this reference contain?"

“That one is not a reference, actually; it’s a work of fiction, and it’s written in a very old Earth language, Arabic.” Sil’s brows climbed and she could practically see the many follow-on questions forming in his mind.

The two other staff members, whose names she could not remember – oh, to have a Vulcan’s eidetic memory! – began peppering her with questions about the books’ materials and construction, and soon after about the pictures of the odd winged creatures in her reproduction copy of Audubon’s _Birds of America_. They weren’t getting much unpacking done, but Amanda decided it was more than worthwhile to get to know some of the Vulcans she would be encountering on a daily basis.

In the midst of this, a young engineer, Senden, she recalled, approached her.

“ _T’Sai?_ ” he asked, bending his head slightly in deference.

“Yes?” “A moment, if you please. I have some technical questions regarding the water shower.”

“Water shower?” Amanda asked, startled. As far as she knew, water showers were not used on Vulcan, only sonics.

“Affirmative. I wish to ascertain if it has been constructed properly. Although I am confident I correctly adapted the Earth plans I received, I have never operated one. Therefore, I request your assistance.”

Amanda turned in amazement toward Sarek, standing outside the library, but he was deep in conversation with T’Areth, the fortress’ chief of staff. Mute with surprise, she simply nodded at Senden, who in turn gestured up the stairs toward the master suite.

He directed her to the refresher chamber in their bedroom, and sure enough, through a doorway she had noticed but hadn’t yet explored beyond, stood a Human-style shower, a luxuriously deep tub, and a sink. The little room was complete with towel racks and a mirror, and all the other Human accoutrements she had left behind. Amanda caught her breath. She knew how precious water was on Vulcan, how carefully controlled its use.

She turned toward the engineer. “You designed all this?”

“Merely adapted from a Terran design, _T’Sai_ , as I indicated. With _S’haile_ Sarek’s guidance.”

“This is… amazing,” she murmured, both thrilled – for she disliked sonics – and conscience-stricken over the waste of water that use of the facility would cause.

Seeing her gaze linger on the large tub and interpreting her thought, Senden added, “The water is conserved. These fixtures operate on the same water reclamation system as the Terran garden outside.”

_The what?_

Before she could inquire, Senden entreated her to try the controls on each. She obliged, enjoying the feel of water running over her hands in a way she had resigned herself not to experience for a long time. _Oh, Sarek…_

“Your work is outstanding, Senden,” she managed, still amazed and in wonder over the actions of her impeccably logical husband.

“I am gratified,” the engineer replied, observing the Human’s curious reaction. He was unaware that Humans became emotional in the presence of water.

Amanda struggled to conceal her profoundly touched reaction, and was grateful when Senden gracefully retreated to give her a moment’s privacy. How many incredible adaptations had her husband made for her, for her Humanity? Sarek was quintessentially Vulcan, in many ways had to be, as its representative to other worlds, but somehow he managed to effectively bridge so many of their differences while retaining his own essential nature. Amanda recalled one time in particular when she observed this capability in strikingly obvious, undeniable detail…

_July, 2229_

_They found themselves in her apartment after being accidentally soaked by sprinklers, the air unexpectedly rife with a strange electricity. She had been trying to get him to dry off. He was saying something to her, something about taking care of herself as well, but somehow she knew that wasn’t the point he was actually trying to make._

_All Amanda could do was focus on how incredibly close he was, the heat of his hands on her shoulders… Although they had touched casually before, why did she suddenly_ feel _it so much more at this moment?_

_She wondered hazily for an instant why his face loomed so close, why his mouth was unexpectedly grazing hers – and then with a start she realized:_ He’s trying to kiss me _. Fortunately her subconscious took over and she did what she desperately wanted, kissing him firmly back in response to his tentative gesture._

_The universe moved. Just as she pondered,_ Do Vulcans kiss? _, strong arms pulled her against a muscular body and warm lips moved back against hers in a clear affirmation. Whether Vulcans in general did or not, at this moment Sarek was definitely kissing her._ Oh…my…

_Instantly at the flashpoint of desire, her body melted, seeking to fuse with the man she loved so much but had dared not tell. And as waves of pleasure, desire and more crashed over her at the center of this sudden inferno, not all of the emotions hers, she knew this was where she wanted to spend the rest of her life._

And the results of those fateful actions had brought them here. Amanda returned to the present, flushed by the memory and so grateful for the events that had unfurled as they did.

ooo

Sarek was waiting for her when she returned downstairs. Before she could say anything, he summoned her to his side.

“My wife, attend.”

He led her outside to the garden terraces. They walked along a garden path lined with Vulcan flora, until it suddenly opened up upon a new expanse – of Terran rose transplants. Obviously new and carefully tended, the fragile new arrivals bloomed under adjustable solar shields and stood in damp soil. Stiln, the groundskeeper, was inspecting some settings on the irrigation controls but silently melted away upon their arrival.

“Oh…”

Amanda’s hands rose to her mouth, even more astounded at this extravagance than at the bath inside. She looked up at her husband with wide, shining eyes.

“You mentioned that you would… miss… the rose garden at the Embassy. I therefore thought it logical to replicate it for you here,” he explained placidly.

“Oh, _you_ …!” she exclaimed, instantly deciding not to tease him for such an obviously romantic gesture. Instead, she kissed him. _//I love you, Adun.//_

He was… pleased.

ooo

“I’m sorry,” Amanda murmured hastily, apologizing a moment later for her improper public action, the first such deed by a Human in this ancient, Vulcan courtyard.

Sarek looked down at her with some amusement. “The cause was perhaps sufficient, my wife.”

At that moment a servant emerged from one of the garden paths. “ _S’haile_ , I-Chaya arrives.”

Sarek nodded and turned back to Amanda. “There is one more resident of D’H’Riset whom you need to meet. Come,” he said, offering her the _oz’hesta_.

“Who is it? Someone else on your staff?”

“Our staff,” he corrected and then continued, “No, I-Chaya is more of a family member.”

“Oh? Who -- ?” Her question was interrupted by a loud, animal roar.

Suddenly a gigantic beast charged at them from the garden entrance. It looked similar to some of the many images of Vulcan fauna that she had studied, but at the moment the most obvious thing Amanda could discern aside from its bulk and speed was a huge pair of fangs. And it was heading directly for Sarek. She screamed and lunged in front of her husband.

_“No!”_ She screamed again, hands up as if to ward off the monster’s assault.

The shrill, alien sound emitted by the creature near Sarek was frightening, and it told I-Chaya only one thing: he must protect his master. He roared again in warning, aggressively this time. But instead of heeding the warning, the strange, small creature made the painful noise a second time and rushed at Sarek. And his master was alarmed! The sehlat targeted the danger, preparing to defend his long-time charge.

In that time-dilated split second, Sarek stared with inward horror at what was about to transpire. He frankly had not anticipated that his diminutive Human wife would do something that a grown sehlat would interpret as a threat. He willed the emotion away in time to act, immediately stepping between Human and animal.

_“Kroykah!”_ Sarek thundered, and at once everything on the terrace stilled.

He drew in a calming breath. He would meditate later on the disaster that had almost befallen them. It would seem that threats to his bondmate could arise from the most unexpected sources.

Composure restored, he calmly eyed his wife and his pet, both of whom were obviously shaken. This would be the first meeting in a family context between Human and sehlat. _I had best ensure that it concludes better than I allowed it to begin._

“While I am… gratified by your protective instincts, Aduna, I would prefer to keep you safe,” he began drily. “Your concerns for me in this case are unnecessary.”

Amanda just stared, her chest heaving in the thin air.

“ _Sarlah_ I-Chaya,” he commanded, bidding Amanda to remain still with a gesture. The sehlat warily shuffled past Amanda and whined plaintively at Sarek’s feet.

The Vulcan stroked the massive, furry head while Amanda looked on, eyes still wide as saucers. “I-Chaya, my old friend, you are a worthy protector. You must now protect a new one.” He gestured to Amanda.

Now it was Amanda’s turn to approach guardedly, and the two strangers eyed each other with caution.

Sarek continued, closely watching them both. “Amanda, meet I-Chaya. He has been a loyal companion and guardian since my childhood.” He continued in Vulcan, “I-Chaya, this is she-who-is-bondmate, Amanda. You will protect her as you do me.”

The sehlat whined again, and Sarek touched his fingers to I-Chaya’s forehead. After a moment, he withdrew, and the huge animal grunted, as if in acquiescence.

“He understands you?” Amanda whispered, incredulous.

Sarek flicked a brow upward. “Of course. Sehlats are empathic and semi-sentient. Domesticated sehlats are traditional guardians of homes and children.”

“Well, that information certainly didn’t make it into the hologuide to Vulcan fauna that _I_ viewed,” Amanda groused.

Her Vulcan husband merely shook his head. “References produced off-world are largely useless. I-Chaya has been a companion and protector since my early childhood.”

“He was your… babysitter?”

“Correct. Presumably, he will be one… again.” With that, Sarek took her two fingers in his, and Amanda’s gaze softened from wariness to tenderness. Not missing the emotional content in the exchange, I-Chaya cautiously inched forward to sniff at Amanda. After a moment, a long, raspy tongue snaked out to lick her hand.

She laughed, startled but no longer frightened. She found the mannerisms of the alien creature surprisingly familiar. “You’re kind of a giant, shaggy dog, aren’t you?”

I-Chaya wuffled in apparent agreement, but Sarek interjected, “Sehlats are not canines, Amanda. You must be careful not to terramorphize.”

“Oh, all right then,” Amanda replied, rolling her eyes before she turned back to I-Chaya, reaching out to rub his ears. “I guess you’re just a big, fat teddy bear instead,” she crooned.

Sarek repressed a sigh. Nevertheless, he was again… pleased. Pleased and relieved, he had to acknowledge, even as he wished to suppress the emotions surrounding the relief. It was not logical to worry. Any challenges or hazards that might face Amanda in her adaptation to his world simply needed to be anticipated and planned for. In that way they could be mitigated. It was only logical.

ooo

Amanda smiled at memory from just a little while ago as she rested inside, cooling from the intense heat. Staff buzzed purposefully around her, as if already inured to her presence. This morning had been her most exhausting day on Vulcan yet and she hadn’t even left the fortress, she mused.

She had spent the last few hours exploring her new home, to learn her way around as well as discover its inner workings. Most of the complex had been outfitted with the most advanced technological features – the automatic doors were constantly catching her by surprise – but there were still plenty of older, even ancient, closure mechanisms for those doors, drawers, cabinets and the like that had not been updated. _How many different ways to latch a door could there possibly be in the Galaxy?_ she wondered. Amanda quickly realized she would have to learn all that were here, lest she be caught off-guard by one. _It would not do to get myself stuck in a closet._ Fortunately, she had the equivalent of a few weeks to acquaint herself with these aspects of her new home – and planet – before she was supposed to start at the Vulcan Science Academy.

She paused from exploring to gaze out one of the huge floor to ceiling windows at this slice of her new planet. A ruby red sky was pierced by the bright yellow disk of Alam’ak, or 40 Eridani A, as her ancestors had identified it from Earth. The occasional cluster of thin clouds, high in the sky, only hinted at the presence of moisture in the atmosphere. Below, the desert and arid mountains that surrounded the ancient fortress were bathed in hues of brown, orange and ochre and tinged purple in the shadows. While there were some obvious similarities to Terran arid regions, the plant and animal life she could observe, as well as the heavier pull of gravity on her bones, told her undeniably that she now resided on an alien world.

Amanda drew in a breath, equal parts wistful and satisfied. Her journey was both a great adventure and a challenging, isolating undertaking. There was, however, one being on this new world who was not alien to her. He was her husband, and she had accepted his invitation to join him here and make his world her home. _I love him, and that is what has brought me light-years from where I was born, and he is what makes the journey worthwhile_.

Done reflecting for the time being, Amanda considered what she wanted to do next. Sarek was off to an appointment, the staff was busy, and her newest acquaintance, I-Chaya, was napping. Restless and ready to take on the heat again, she decided to investigate the roses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> Dialogue enclosed in // // indicates telepathic thought  
> Adun/Aduna – Husband/wife  
> Alam’ak – Vulcan’s sun  
> D’H’Riset – “The fortress,” an ancestral home of the clan of Surak (S’chn T’Gai clan) and Sarek’s home. Also a monument to Surak.  
> IDIC – Vulcan philosophy taught by Surak, infinite diversity in infinite combinations  
> Kol-ut-shan – Infinite diversity in infinite combinations (IDIC)  
> ku-san-na’mekhlar - chair for parents  
> L-langons – Tall mountain range to the east of Shi’Kahr, Vulcan’s capital city  
> oz’hesta - Two-fingered touch between bondmates  
> Sarlah – Come  
> sehlat – large, bear-like mammal of Vulcan, often domesticated  
> S’haile – Honorific, “Sir”  
> shi'dunap - library  
> The Surak - Sarek’s starship, used primarily for diplomatic purposes  
> T’Sai – Honorific, “Lady”  
> VSA – Vulcan Science Academy  
> Vuhlkansu – Vulcan language or people


	22. Tact and Restraint

Satisfied that his wife was occupied with her own tasks for the time being, Sarek departed to attend a duty of his own. He had not been surprised to receive a summons from T'Pau on this day following their arrival. He dutifully reported to the matriarch's offices.

"Sarek.” His mother greeted him with the _ta'al_ without rising.

He returned the gesture, and she gazed at him levelly.

“Thee have returned to Vulcan,” she stated, and then added pointedly, “and to Vulcan’s ways.”

Sarek blinked. _What is the purpose of this? It is illogical to state the obvious_. He answered neutrally, but raised a brow in inquiry. “Indeed, Pid-kom?”

Instead of responding, T’Pau changed the subject. "Thee are well? And thy Human bond-mate?"

"Amanda and I are each in satisfactory health," Sarek replied, perplexed but not showing it. T'Pau did not engage in the Human custom of small talk, and she certainly did not inquire about private matters. He could not discern the reason for these questions, nor why she had called him here in person for this.

She observed him silently for a long moment. Then suddenly, she spoke again. "Thy Time is not yet due to come upon thee.”

Her abrupt, intensely personal statement-as-a-question would have unsettled a lesser Vulcan, but Sarek's face revealed nothing."No," he confirmed, if a little stiffly, refusing to elaborate further. _She is aware of this_ , he thought. He still did not understand the purpose for such an illogical exchange, and his diplomatic training did not usually fail him in this way. Nonetheless, even confused and despite the discomfort this topic caused him, outwardly he remained impassive.

She arose and walked closer to him. "I have had reports.”

He lifted an eyebrow slightly, waiting.

She continued. "Reports of certain... behaviors. At the Embassy on Terra, aboard the _Surak_."

"We have private quarters in both locations," Sarek replied evenly.

T'Pau noted with satisfaction that his composure did not waver, but she pursued her line of attack nonetheless. "In each of those quarters, there was apparently considerable sound insulation, the limits of which were exceeded.” She paused only briefly before continuing, relentless.

"I have also received reports regarding an Embassy hover-car, a Terran wilderness preserve, thy workspace at the Embassy, and a turbo-lift. A _turbo-lift,_ " she repeated for emphasis.

Sarek's face was as if carved in stone. There was absolutely no point in responding. He simply stared at the wall ahead of him, bio-controls working in overdrive to prevent an outward display of the emotion he was currently experiencing.

 _The matriarch’s penchant for information gathering clearly extends beyond that which is logically necessary,_ he thought darkly.

T'Pau scrutinized the son before her, proud and unbowed. At the moment she sensed he was wrestling with some particularly tempestuous emotions, although he was managing to keep them in check. He reminded her of his father. Volatile and powerful like so many of the S'chn T'Gai males before him, Sarek also possessed a rebellious streak that she was privately forced to concede came from her.

She wondered anew about this Human female he had taken as his mate and what transpired between them to cause the reports she kept receiving. Whatever it was, it at least did not appear to be having negative physical effects on him, even as she remained concerned about his judgment regarding her.

In spite of the fact that Sarek had endured an inhospitably damp and cold alien environment, not to mention its chaotic denizens, for such an extended period of time, she had never seen him look so well at any time in his adult life. His posture was tall and straight, his features alert, his countenance perfectly composed and ...vital. And his recent performance was beyond exemplary.

 _Perhaps this Human bondmate is a positive influence on him after all_ , she thought. Indeed, as indicative of inappropriate behavior as these reports had been, they at least suggested that Amanda might sustain Sarek during the Fires - and in doing so save his life. For that, an occasional word from those who were her eyes and ears was tolerable.

Inwardly she relented just a little. She had made her point. "It appears that thy bondmate possesses greater stamina than I first thought. I am gratified that thee appear to be... compatible."

Sarek was stunned. She had begun by chastising his behavior in a most humiliating way and ended by complimenting his wife, something she had not done before. He simply looked at her.

 _“‘Yuzhat rufah olozhika.’_ (‘Discretion benefits logic.')," T’Pau added, Surak’s saying yet another reminder to behave appropriately.

"Understood, _Ko-mekh_."

"Live long and prosper, _Sa-fu_."

With that, Sarek bowed his head and turned to depart.

Watching him leave, if T’Pau had been Human she would have shaken her head. Her son’s evident passion for his mate, combined with the Human’s lack of discipline, had already resulted in a number of incidents that, she was frankly amazed, hadn’t garnered more attention. Perhaps the unruly, out-of-control atmosphere on Earth had simply caused its inhabitants not to notice – for once, a welcome outcome.

She was confident she had made her message clear: such behavior would now have to change. And positive indications of the Human’s strength notwithstanding, contingency plans still remained a logical precaution.

ooo

Sarek returned to the fortress, steadfastly ignoring the feeling of being chastened. He had to acknowledge, though, that he and Amanda would indeed need to be more discreet. Not that he had ever endeavored not to be… He again reflected on the intense passion that so often engulfed him in the presence of his bondmate. _Only_ in her presence. It often seemed to defy logic – and in that light, it was suspect. Was his behavior illogical, and therefore in need of adjustment?

But yet, it was logical to satisfy his mate. It was also logical to affirm and strengthen their bond, just as it was logical to protect and care for her. His actions were logical when interpreted this way.

His mind still unsettled by the nearly disastrous meeting between I-Chaya and Amanda, his ruminations took him in a new direction. Even though he had removed her from Earth and its various, chaotic hazards, Vulcan was proving dangerous for her as well. Whether from the known hazards of its harsh environment or from unexpected ones, like a mistaken reaction by a trusted friend, he would need to continue to be vigilant in protecting her. At this moment, he needed to reaffirm her well being as soon as possible, to ensure that she was safe.

Lost in thought, he rounded the corner that brought him to the terrace gardens. There he saw Amanda, walking amongst the new roses, wondrously touching the leaves and petals of each one.

And that wild passion at once ceased to be an object of clinical contemplation as it instead came alive again in his mind. _She is mine_ , he thought, _and no one, save her alone, may tell me when or where I may claim her_. He quickened his pace.

 _//Amanda,//_ his mind voice called…

ooo

The Terran rose garden had been built into an elaborate and ornate Vulcan garden out on the Fortress’ terraces. Amanda had wound her way through the age-old, native arrangements before reaching the newly transplanted Earth flora, stubbornly and miraculously putting down roots in this alien soil.

She looked up before she actually heard him, feeling the tug in her mind from his telepathic call. Then she saw him coming, dark brows swept low, robes billowing out behind him as he strode, swiftly and purposely, across the terrace toward her.

“My wife, attend.”

Sarek’s voice, low and demanding, sent shivers coursing through her. The sight of him and the sudden jolt in her core that accompanied his command made her knees go weak. Although she had no idea what would put her husband in such a mood after a meeting with T’Pau, she did not object. Couldn’t object if her life depended on it.

He stopped millimeters in front of her but they did not touch. His paired fingers hovered above her cheek but he dared not complete the connection out here with others about, out of concern for what he might do next. For only a millisecond he took his eyes from her, flicking them over his surroundings as if searching for something that he hoped for but did not expect to find. _This place has no privacy_ , he thought. His jaw tightened as he willed himself to control.

He slowly drew his fingers away, and to Amanda it felt like the most erotic tease. His intense gaze bore into hers, willing her to comprehend his intent. It was not difficult.

 _“Aduna.”_ His voice was thick and low, and tight with control. Struggling to emulate her husband’s discipline, Amanda’s eyes widened and she swallowed, but she made no sound.

Burning eyes demanded that she follow him and she did, silently turning to proceed inside with him, the traditional distance behind. He marched inward, through doorways and past servants who nodded deferentially as he passed, although he barely paid notice, and then upstairs to their private chambers. It was all Amanda could do to keep up.

She struggled to keep her own unruly thoughts from broadcasting, hoping that nothing untoward was outwardly visible. But oh, she knew what was coming…

In a few short moments he had her in the privacy of their living quarters. At last. The venerable doors to their rooms clicked shut smoothly and quietly, in strict contrast to the tumult he felt within. He turned and captured her face with his fingers.

_//My wife…//_

_//Adun.//_

He buried his face into the base of her neck, drinking in her scent as he deepened the mental contact. He hungrily clutched at her body through her robe, eagerly anticipating the decadent moisture of her body. Amanda moaned, and he was focused on removing the impeding fabric when his unresolved thoughts on the nature of this passion suddenly reasserted themselves, arresting his attention.

In a rare moment of uncertainty Sarek wondered, _Is such passion, and the indulging of it wrong? Surak does not say so…_ He pulled back, working to control his breathing.

He hung his head before her, and Amanda’s heart tugged. Tenderly, she stroked his hair, stubborn, unruly waves threatening to come undone from their traditional style at any minute. So like the emotion that churned within…

“Amanda, I – ”

“Shhh,” Amanda whispered, soothing, touching his lips with a finger. “I love you, and that’s not wrong.”

The intensity of her conviction and her feelings for him, some of which he still did not understand, and the vitality of their bond, both calming and stimulating at the same time, claimed him once again. _She is mine, and we are one. Not even Surak could dispute this._

 _//Indeed, my wife,//_ he answered. _//You are my mate, and I must properly care for you,//_ he thought to her decisively. The flicker of doubt was promptly extinguished as his lips smashed into hers.

And as he moved unerringly to claim her body, the passionate madness asserted itself once more. Amanda only had a moment to wonder at the marvels of parallel evolution, or the myths of beings who populated the Galaxy with Humanoids, and be thankful that something or someone, somehow, made it possible for the two of them to join together so completely.

Some time later they rested together, bodies cooling. Amanda stroked her husband’s muscled chest fondly. _I am very well cared-for, indeed, if that’s how we’re to describe this…_ She knew what he could not express. Still curious to know what had precipitated their interlude, she tilted her head back to catch his now calm and impassive gaze. “So, how was the meeting with your mother?”

ooo

Later, after a quick but nonetheless luxurious water shower, preparing to return downstairs, she happened to look out from the bedroom balcony. What she saw there was only visible from that vantage point. The Vulcan garden covered the terraces just as it had for centuries, but now it encircled and protected a bed of fragile Terran flowers at its heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ko-mekh - Mother  
> Pid-kom – clan matriarch  
> pon farr - Vulcan time of mating. Also, the Time or the Fires  
> Sa-fu - Son  
> ta'al - Vulcan salute  
>   
> Many thanks to Selek for his fantastic (as always) beta!


	23. A Quiet Battlefield

The morning of her first day at the Vulcan Science Academy did not begin auspiciously. Sarek poked his head in as she was dressing. “My wife, you will remain inside the fortress until I instruct otherwise.”

“What? Sarek, how am I supposed to get to the Academy?” Amanda objected, startled by his odd command. “You do remember this is my first day at work, don’t you?”

Of course he remembered. Unmoved by her outburst, Sarek calmly responded, “When you are ready to depart, I will escort you to the flitter.” At her confused look, he continued. “The force screens around the fortress are temporarily down for maintenance. Occasionally a curious predator will wander into the gardens.”

Amanda stepped to the window, and sure enough, she could see T’Sinn, the naturalist for the fortress’ lands, cautiously stalking along the edge of the rose garden, a phaser at her hip and a sensing device in one hand. T’Sinn was an extremely Vulcan, unflappable woman; Amanda knew she wouldn’t take such a cautious posture without reason.

“Will she be all right?” she asked Sarek, wondering what kind of peril T’Sinn was truly in and concerned for her safety.

“She is a trained professional,” Sarek replied, “and there is a team assisting her.” She shook her head in wonder at this new, unexpected circumstance.

“At least in San Francisco there were no poisonous carnivores, my husband,” she quipped.

“Except for the Terran press, my wife,” he returned, deadpan.

She laughed. “Well, if the only challenge I have today is getting out of the house, that will be a good thing,” she said, wondering what her first day would be like. Before their move to Vulcan, the _Shi'Oren t'Ek'Tallar T'Khasi_ , or Vulcan Science Academy, had extended her a letter of welcome as a “provisional faculty member,” but had provided precious little detail as to what this meant. Fortunately, many conventions of academia were shared across the worlds of the Federation in the interests of sharing knowledge; Amanda hoped that this was true on Vulcan as well.

And as she thought a bit more about how her first day in her new position might go, it occurred to her how much time she had spent since arriving learning the smallest things – how to work various electronic controls, cabinet latches and the Vulcan version of drawers, almost every aspect of domestic life, all keyed for Vulcan hands and Vulcan strength. Sarek had been at her side for almost every minute of their honeymoon, and he had been with her most of the time since their return as well; now Amanda understood at least one reason why. It seemed that he was always assisting or instructing her in these often unpredictably new ways. Just as she had harbored the concern when she first arrived in the fortress, she hoped her first day at work wouldn’t result in her locking herself in a storage closet. Or worse.

Seeing her turn pensive, Sarek approached her. “If you wish, I can escort you to the _Shi’Oren_ , Aduna.”

They had had this discussion before, and Amanda declined now as she had then. She touched his cheek. “I appreciate that, my husband. But I ought to be able to arrive at my new workplace under my own power. I don’t want the other faculty to think I only have a position there because you’re my husband.”

Sarek drew up at that. “Such an assumption would be most inaccurate. It would be illogical to employ someone who lacked the proper qualifications for the position. And you are highly qualified.”

Amanda smiled tenderly at her husband. Perhaps it was merely Human cynicism that made her think this could be a concern, and not T’Pau’s words of warning from months ago. Sarek was certainly not politically naïve, so if he didn’t think so, he was probably right.

His time sense brought her back to the present. “My wife, it is time for you to depart.”

ooo

The _Shi'Oren t'Ek'Tallar T'Khasi_ was another huge, sprawling complex in Shi’Kahr. Like T’Pau’s residence and the High Council’s chambers, it was comprised of structures both thoroughly modern and immensely old, harmoniously blended into a massive yet accessible compound housing multiple disciplines of study. Fortunately, the signage in its environs was clear and logically laid out. She found the main entrance without too much trouble and entered, not entirely sure what to expect.

The individual awaiting her was not anyone she had hoped to see. Sofek stood in the front atrium, staring sternly at her when she entered.

“You are late.”

“Excuse me?”

“You are one point five four _lirt’k_ late,” Sofek repeated severely. “It is customary to arrive before the beginning of the first interval.”

 _Oh, great,_ Amanda thought, now regretting the time she had spent reading the displays in the front courtyard. _Of all the people…_ She knew that Sofek occupied a senior administrative position at the VSA, but she certainly did not expect that he would be the one to personally greet her upon her arrival. She wondered if he still believed her relationship with Sarek was some kind of sociological experiment.

Pasting on a placid expression, she bowed her head toward the irritated Vulcan. “I regret my lack of punctuality. I am gratified by your assistance at this time.”

Sofek regarded her skeptically for a moment, then without a word turned to proceed swiftly down the high-ceilinged main corridor. He glanced back once to verify that she was following him, offering no information as to their destination. After what seemed like a very long and circuitous walk down virtually silent corridors, they arrived in a large common area populated with individual, circular versions of cubicles or carrels.

Amanda recognized the space immediately as an area for individualized instruction. It was still silent here, although they were now in the company of many Vulcans who appeared to be approximately of Terran adolescent age.

Sofek stopped before an empty carrel. “This is your designated area,” he said simply.

Amanda stared for several seconds, momentarily confused. A feeling of dread began to form as she processed the information before her, followed inexorably by incredulity and then building anger. _Shared conventions indeed!_

“Why am I to be seated here?” she asked as calmly as she could, reminding herself not to jump to unwarranted conclusions.

“This space is suitable,” Sofek responded, his tones clipped. He had no intention of debating her assignment.

“I am a new member of the faculty. This is a student work area,” Amanda said slowly. _Don’t show your anger…_

“Provisional faculty,” Sofek emphasized, “and _not_ by a unanimous vote.” Had he not been Vulcan, Amanda was sure he would have sniffed derisively. Sofek moved as if to leave.

 _Enough is enough,_ she thought. “ _Ekhartausu_ Sofek,” Amanda began, shifting her position to partially block his exit.

Sofek stopped, his brows raised at this Human effrontery.

“I was invited here as a provisional faculty member by the leadership of the _Shi'Oren t'Ek'Tallar T'Khasi._ ‘Unanimous’ or not, it is still an invitation, and as such I believe I should be treated accordingly. Where are the other ‘provisional’ faculty stationed?” Amanda asked, knowing full well that faculty were not located differently by rank, only by area of study. The detailed description of the VSA that Sarek had given her was proving useful.

The administrator gave her a hard look, and then, with a Vulcan shrug of his chin, turned silently again and led her back the way they had come. A few minutes later and now on a different floor, they began to pass suites of offices, apparently grouped by discipline. A few minutes more and they arrived in a small suite, a common area surrounded by four offices. In the middle of the common area stood a table for collaborative use. Three of the four offices appeared to be utilized, but the last was unoccupied. Sofek gestured wordlessly toward it.

 _That’s better,_ Amanda thought.

Her attention was drawn to a set of neatly stacked scrolls in an open archival box on the table. From their design and construction, they were obviously pre-Reform, and their weathered and frayed edges suggested they might be very old indeed. The scroll on the top had been left partially, tantalizingly unrolled… The curious scientist in Amanda pulled her in to take a closer look. _To see words actually written in that time…_

Her attention was roughly yanked back to the present as Sofek snapped, “Stop – do not touch those! You must be trained to properly handle artifacts.”

Amanda slowly turned in disbelief. Of course she knew as much not to touch the ancient scrolls with her bare hands – and she had been trained in fundamental techniques for handling artifacts. Anyone who had looked at her CV would conclude as much. Biting back a more acid comment, she coolly replied, “And when will I receive such training?”

“When it is scheduled.” Sofek turned away, gesturing again toward the empty office. “You may sit in this space, for the time being.”

“Oh? Will I be moving to a different office at some point?”

Instead of answering her question, Sofek turned back to her almost impatiently to inform her, “It is not the place of the _Shi'Oren t'Ek'Tallar_ to recognize the follies of high-ranking citizens, even those of the heir to Surak. Yet if you insist on perpetuating this pretension, you may do so in this space, for however long you actually remain here – but only so long as you disturb no one else.” He added, “You are to see me to be authorized for any supplies, and you must be trained before accessing the research materials.” With that, he spun on his heel a third time and departed before Amanda could ask another question.

Amanda walked into her new office and leaned against the spare and empty desk, suddenly drained after this unexpected dress-down. The hike to get here had seemed kilometers long in the heat, high gravity and thin air, and the conflict with Sofek had been even more stressful. Slowly sitting down, she pulled a PADD out of her bag and stared at it unseeingly. She probably couldn’t get started doing anything without going through Sofek, and she just didn’t feel like facing him again today.

More troubled thoughts flooded in. She was supposed to teach a class this term, but had no information yet as to when or where she would actually be teaching it, or who her students would be (if any, she thought glumly), and none seemed immediately forthcoming. _What have I gotten myself into?_ she wondered.

Before she could examine that question further, a movement in her peripheral vision caused her to look up and see a Vulcan woman standing in her doorway. Amanda recognized her as one she saw working in an adjacent office, a likely colleague, and she rose quickly to greet her visitor.

“Hello. I’m Dr. Amanda Grayson, from Earth.”

Her counterpart did not reciprocate. Instead, the tall woman merely tilted her head, observing Amanda as if she were some kind of curiosity, before responding only, “So you say.” She melted away.

Amanda sank back into her chair, dazed. _What was that snub about?_ Was _it even a snub?_ _I’m a student of Vulcan culture, she told herself, but I’m not a sociologist. Sofek’s hostility was pretty hard to miss, though. What if everyone acts toward me that way? What had he said, “the follies of the heir to Surak”? Is that how I’m regarded, as Sarek’s folly?_ She had expected some challenges integrating into a foreign institution on an alien planet, but she hadn’t anticipated this level of difficulty.

Even as young as she was, it had been years since anyone had questioned her academic credentials, much less disparaged her reason for belonging at an institution. Her work and her professional reputation were important to her; that the prospects for either may have been severely damaged before she even arrived -- and in what was supposed to be her new home, no less -- was a troubling prospect, indeed.

She forced herself to stick out the rest of the day in her office before retreating home. _You can’t scare me off that easily,_ she thought stubbornly as she started her air car back toward the fortress.

ooo

Sarek was already at home when Amanda returned. He had spent the day in his diplomatic offices, arranging for replacement staff for the Earth embassy and new staff for him on Vulcan. His successor as Ambassador to Earth had not yet been named, but Amanda assumed Soran would be promoted into the post. All very routine and expected, she thought enviously.

She entered through the back way and was deciding between going upstairs immediately for a much-desired shower or stopping by the office she shared with Sarek to drop off her data bag when she felt his presence nearby. Then she heard his voice.

He had sensed her arrival, and now was approaching, holding out his fingers in the oz’hesta. “Aduna,” he greeted her.

She could see the welcome in his eyes, and she relaxed into the comforting warmth of his touch, all worries forgotten. That is, forgotten until he asked her the one question she really didn’t want to answer.

“How did you find your first day in your new position?”

 _Shield, shield, shield, Amanda! Of course he’s going to ask you._ Her stomach lurched. As much as she desperately wanted to cry on his shoulder, she didn’t want to burden him with her troubled start even more so. _He has worked so hard to make me feel welcome here; he doesn’t need to be concerned with this, too. Besides, this is my battle…_

Dropping her fingers from his – casually, she hoped – Amanda tried to make light of her answer. “It was fairly uneventful. I know where my office is,” she said simply, hoping her smile would help him believe her words.

“Indeed,” was his only response before he declared, “It is time for end meal. You will join me, my wife?”

She couldn’t help but smile in bemusement. _At least it wasn’t_ quite _a command…_ Temporarily abandoning her plans to lick her wounds in private, she followed him to the dining area, where two of the kitchen staff wordlessly set out dinner for them. For Amanda, it was a welcome distraction.

Sarek managed to get in one last, simple-but-probing question before they sat down to the traditional silence of the meal. “And what of your new colleagues?”

She pretended not to notice and instead prattled on about how it was a miracle that she hadn’t gotten lost in the vast structure of the _Shi’Oren_ – and didn’t he agree that it was a remarkable piece of architecture?

Sarek simply looked at her for a moment, eyes inscrutable, before turning to his meal.

Amanda excused herself afterward, still preoccupied. Assuming Sarek would be absorbed in his own work, after checking her comm for messages (there were none from the VSA, she noted glumly), she retreated to their sleeping quarters.

She jumped when she heard his soft voice behind her.

_“Aduna.”_

_“Oh!_ Sarek, I didn’t realize you were up here.”

He flicked a brow upward. “That much is obvious.” His dark eyes bored into hers. “It is also obvious that your experience today was less than satisfactory.”

Amanda’s eyes widened at his telling assertion.

“I take it that Administrator Sofek was not as equable in his introduction of the VSA to its newest faculty member as he logically should have been.”

“You mean _provisional_ faculty member,” Amanda interjected, not quite able to keep the bitterness from her voice. She had completely failed to keep her concerns to herself, and the embarrassment of her botched attempt stung.

Now Sarek raised a brow in surprise of his own. “Amanda, all new faculty at the _Shi'Oren t'Ek'Tallar_ are provisional until they satisfactorily complete eight instructional cycles.”

 _Oh, right._ That she would forget such a standard practice at her new employer was the last straw, and the fact that she was completely worn out from the long day, physically and otherwise, escaped her notice. Her anxiety spiked.

“Well, apparently I was only provisionally invited based on a split decision of the faculty committee, so I must be a really questionable case,” she added darkly, her sarcasm failing to mask her sudden self-doubt. “Really, the _Shi’Oren’s_ standards must be slipping!”

“In actual fact, my wife, your invitation is most impressive,” Sarek calmly countered. “It is routine for the diplomatic staff in my office to handle complaints from eminent Federation academics who have been refused entry to the _Shi'Oren_.”

Instead of bolstering her confidence, his words unexpectedly seemed to have the opposite effect. Amanda’s lower lip quivered, and her eyes filled with moisture. “Sarek,” she slowly asked, “how many non-Vulcans are currently on the faculty at the VSA?”

“Outside of the medical facility, none.” At her shocked look he amended. “Correction. One.”

“Dammit!” she exclaimed, feeling the tears come and whirling away from him. The enormity of just how alien she was in this place suddenly struck her. _Is the deck completely stacked against me here? What if I fail??_

Now confused, he approached her, trying to project reassurance. “Amanda, the abilities you possess demonstrate –” he began, but his young Human wife was not receptive.

“Oh, Sarek! I know I possess the abilities. But Human failure very often has nothing to do with not having the capability to do something. It’s other factors that trip us up.” She looked up at him, eyes red-rimmed with tears of frustration and fear. “You are always so confident, so certain. You probably have no idea of what I’m talking about, do you?”

“That is untrue,” he said. “It is possible to be confident of one’s abilities without being able to accurately predict the actions of others, even when well-prepared.” He paused. “I, too, have experienced such uncertainty.”

“Really? When?” Amanda questioned testily.

Sarek’s voice was soft. “I did not know if you would accept my proposal to bond.”

The room was silent for a long moment while Amanda simply stared at him. Then she did start to cry. Her tears were now for a different reason and she flung her arms around his neck, kissing him almost frantically. “I love you, my husband!” Amanda sobbed. “Always know that.”

“Indeed, _K’diwa_ , I do know,” he murmured, pulling his arms around her and returning the Human gesture of affection, even as her wildly fluctuating emotions battered his mental barriers. _It is my duty to comfort her when she is distressed. She is mine._

It was also his duty to protect her. Although he shielded these thoughts from his bondmate, he was angry. It was most illogical for Sofek to have behaved in such a way. He planned to have words with the administrator, promptly, and perhaps take other measures as well. He suppressed his anger, distilling it away. He would address the problem logically.

After a few moments of simply kissing her, a different part of his Vulcan self took control. He caressed her purposefully, his psi-sensitive fingertips leaving trails of pleasurable sensation across her increasingly bared skin as he authoritatively maneuvered her to the sleeping platform and lowered her down, undressing her all the while.

Amanda sighed, welcoming his attentions. Just before he lowered his head to kiss her again, though, she looked up at him earnestly and whispered, “Please don’t say anything to anyone at the academy about this.”

It was all Sarek could do not to react with surprise at her statement. _She has sensed my shielded thoughts?_ He had not intended her to know of his impending actions.

As if in answer to his private question, Amanda smiled up at him, smoothing a hand through his hair. “I can imagine you want to get involved, to support me, and I appreciate that, but this is one battle I need to fight for myself. I know I sound scared right now, and I am. But if I’m going to make a place for myself at the academy, I need to establish my own credibility.”

Sarek had to acknowledge her logic, even as the conclusion warred with his instinct to protect her from any risk, any affront. He only responded, “Of course, my wife.”

While he bent his head to kiss her, this time successfully, inwardly his mind marveled at her ability to anticipate him, to experience such conflicting emotions simultaneously, and to reach a logical conclusion in direct opposition to those feelings. His own confusing emotions at the moment he did not even attempt to catalog. He would not be distracted; it was his duty to comfort his mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ekhartausu – Administrator  
> K’diwa – term of endearment, short for k’hat’d’lawa (two halves of the same soul).  
> lirt’k - Vulcan minute  
> pre-Reform – before the time of Surak


	24. Negotiation

The next morning as Amanda readied herself, she replayed the events of the day prior. She was reminded of Sil’s and his coworkers’ fascination with her books as she thought over Sofek’s restrictive injunctions.“Don’t you mess with me,” she muttered to herself, making a brief detour into the library before departing for the second time to the VSA.

Amanda was well familiarized with the subtle jabs and pointed slights of academic infighting. She successfully avoided it most of the time, but she was quite aware of how to play the game. Even if conducted beneath a guise of logic, the tactics here on Vulcan were probably not that different than they were on Earth.

Gathering her things, she was just turning to leave when a pair of strong hands appeared out of nowhere to lift her burden from her arms.

“I will assist you to the hover car,” Sarek intoned.

 _“Oh!”_ Amanda jumped at the sound of his voice, causing him to cock an eyebrow in what she was certain was amusement. “Sarek _cha_ Skon! One of these days you’re going to scare the wits right out of me,” she chastised, only half seriously.

“I do not believe that to be possible, _Aduna_ ,” Sarek returned gravely, but she could hear the affection in his voice.

“I thought you had already left for the city this morning. That’s why you surprised me,” she explained. “Why are you still here, anyway?”

“I plan to escort you to the _Shi'Oren t'Ek'Tallar,”_ he pronounced, surprising Amanda for the second time in as many minutes.

“What? You don’t need to do that.” She looked up at him, resting a hand on his cheek. “I appreciate the thought very much, my husband, but as I said last night, this battle needs to be my own.”

“And of course it is yours, my wife. However, in this situation, it is appropriate that I accompany you,” Sarek explained in turn.

“I’ll be fine, really, Sarek – ” Amanda began, mindful of the time and aware that she would need to leave very soon.

“It would be most inconsiderate of me not to escort you,” he declared firmly.

His unusual interruption caught Amanda’s attention. Sarek stared back at her impassively and expectantly, leaving her both puzzled and a little miffed by his attitude. _Haven’t I made myself clear?_

She took a breath and tried to be clearer still. “Sarek, my husband, I don’t actually _want_ an escort. I want to do this independently.”

Sarek took a breath himself and, as if explaining to a child, informed her, “And in cases such as these when your wants are not logical, it is my duty to ensure your proper care and protection nonetheless.”

 _What?_ Amanda couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Sarek, I’m not some idiot!” she cried.

“No, you are Human,” he replied.

A flash of anger overtook Amanda at that moment. “That is just offensive,” she fumed. “I am leaving, _now_. And so help me, Sarek, I expect you to come up with your most diplomatic apology after this, or, or… you’ll be sleeping in the dungeon instead of with me!”

Sarek’s eyes widened at this broadside. He had no idea what had so angered his _aduna_.

At his shocked look Amanda struggled to regain her grip on her temper. “Don’t try to tell me you don’t have a dungeon,” she grumbled. “I’m certain this place has one.”

“My wife, I do not understand,” was all he could say. He looked utterly flummoxed.

Amanda finally took pity on him, even though she was equally mystified – and annoyed -- by his statements. She took his hand and pulled them both to sit in the library. Fortunately, for the moment they had privacy.

“My husband,” she began. “Please explain for me. Why do you need to accompany me to the Science Academy? Do you not see that if you arrive there with me it will seem like I’m not strong enough to argue for myself, like I need you to solve my problems for me? That will make me look less credible in Sofek’s eyes, not more, don’t you think?”

Sarek’s eyes became hooded and she worried that she had said something hurtful. He studied her searchingly for a moment and she wondered what he found.

“My wife,” he began, “we begin from different assumptions. You fear that my presence will undermine you. However, as your husband, it is my duty to stand with you as a demonstration of my support, to observe the situation independently and advise you of a course of action that will have the greatest likelihood of success, and to stand ready to protect you. In this way I serve you. It is logical,” he finished softly.

Amanda realized they had encountered another situation where his need to protect her demanded behaviors that would most likely appear offensive to Humans, even as they were considered the opposite in Vulcan society. _Perhaps we can compromise,_ she thought. Then she glanced at her chrono.

“Oh no, I’m going to be late!” She moaned, “Sofek will never let me hear the end of it!”

“Then we should go,” Sarek directed, again picking up her things. “Perhaps we can compromise in this situation, _Aduna_ ,” he said, giving her a meaningful look as they hurried outward. He had sensed her thought.

As they walked, Sarek negotiated. “I posit the following: You will have the highest probability of arriving at your office on time if I pilot the hover car, given my greater familiarity with the vehicle and my faster reflexes, among other physical advantages. However, given your desires for how you wish to negotiate with Administrator Sofek, I will merely accompany you to the entrance of the _Shi’Oren_ and no further, unless you request my presence. Which you _will_ do, should there be the slightest need,” he added, his eyes boring into hers. “In this way, we shall both at least partially achieve our objectives. Is this acceptable, my wife?”

Amanda couldn’t help but smile at him as they settled into the flitter. Even as he could appear demanding and even domineering at times, he also never failed to try to give her what she wanted. She vowed to try to understand better Sarek’s deeply ingrained protective imperative, one that seemed equally embedded in Vulcan biology and culture. _I love him, even when I don’t always understand him._

“I can see why you’re renowned for your peacemaking skills,” she murmured. They accelerated out of the flitter dock at high speed.

“Wait a minute,” she added after a moment, frowning as the scenery raced by, “are you saying that I’m a bad driver?”

In this case, Sarek knew better than to respond.

ooo

She arrived at the academy on time. Sarek had made a very obvious display of helping her out of his flitter and escorting her to the front entrance, where he remained as she walked inside.

Resolved to start things off differently than they had begun the day before, Amanda set her books down on the table in the common area by her office and then went to the doorway of her neighbor, the woman she had seen yesterday. She noticed the box of scrolls was now in the woman’s office.

Raising her hand in the _ta’al_ , she greeted her presumed colleague. “ _Dif-tor heh smusma, Kazhuksu. Ahmau t’nashveh_ Amanda. May I know your name?” Then she held her breath.

Her co-worker tilted her head as she had done before, but then stood and replied, _“Ahmau t’nashveh T’Grel.”_

 _“Sochya eh dif,_ T’Grel,” Amanda replied.

 _“Sochya eh dif,_ Amanda,” T’Grel responded somberly, offering the _ta’al_ and starting to sit back down at her desk.

Seeking to keep the conversation going, Amanda gestured toward the box of scrolls. “I have translated a large number of Vulcan works. Am I correct that those are Pre-Reform?”

“Yes. Dating estimates them to have originated 115 years before Surak introduced his reforms.” T’Grel was studying her more closely now.

“The poetry I’ve read from that period is beautiful,” Amanda commented.

“It is emotional.” T’Grel’s tone was flat.

 _Careful_ , Amanda thought to herself. “That is true,” she agreed before continuing, “Nonetheless, I find that the meter most frequently employed during that time period is particularly pleasing, aesthetically speaking. Would you not agree?”

“You appear to have read our literature extensively, _T’Sai_ ,” T’Grel allowed cautiously.

Just when Amanda thought she was making progress engaging her suite-mate, she heard Sofek’s damning voice behind her. “Amanda Grayson. Recall that I stated that you were not to disturb those who are working here.”

After yesterday, Sofek’s criticism wasn’t unexpected, but Amanda had had enough. _Honestly, doesn’t he have anything better to do?_

“Administrator Sofek, _I_ work here as well. If you are unfamiliar with it, I suggest you review my published research. I welcome your critique.”

T’Grel said nothing, but watched the debate commencing in front of her with interest.

“I was under the impression that you are not here because of your research,” Sofek returned.

“And why else would I be here?” Amanda asked before she recognized the set-up for what it was.

“You are merely here because you are _S’haile_ Sarek’s consort. However, it is illogical for the academy’s resources to be used for your amusement.”

Amanda’s jaw dropped open in indignation.

Off to the side, T’Grel drew back, now eyeing the Human with a faint look of suspicion. _Just the effect Sofek wants,_ Amanda surmised. _He’s baiting you, Amanda. Don’t rise to it,_ she told herself.

“Your assumption is inaccurate. And as for _S’haile_ Sarek, I am his wife.”

T’Grel’s eyebrows flew up at this revelation.

“You are _not T’Sai,”_ Sofek replied coldly.

“Yes, I am,” Amanda insisted. “We are married.”

“But he has not married you on Vulcan, has he?” Sofek pressed.

 _Of course not, it hasn’t been Sarek’s Time yet,_ Amanda thought, offended by Sofek’s attempts to cast aspersions on her marriage.

“That’s because –” she began, exasperated – and then halted, flustered, realizing the trap Sofek had laid. He was hoping she would mention That of Which We Do Not Speak, committing a tremendous gaffe and proving herself an ignorant _komihn_ in the process. The administrator stood expectant, waiting for her to finish.

She drew in a deep breath. “ _Ekhartausu_ Sofek,” she said, beginning again, “S’haile Sarek and I were married in a Federation ceremony on Earth. As for any additional personal information you may be seeking, I must invoke Vulcan Privacy Laws for the protection of my family. And concerning my use of resources at the _Shi'Oren t'Ek'Tallar_ _T'Khasi_ , it would have been quite illogical for the academic committee to have invited me here if I were not qualified to use them, would you not agree? And should my performance not be judged by its merits alone?”

Out of the corner of her eye, Amanda saw T’Grel’s eyes fix on Sofek, waiting.

Sofek’s mouth drew into a thin line. “We shall see,” he said tersely. He stepped away. As he walked toward the suite’s exit, he caught sight of Amanda’s books on the table. He stopped to look curiously at the unfamiliar artifacts before reaching to touch the cover of one.

 _Just as I thought._ Amanda could not resist springing the trap on her bothersome adversary. “ _Ekhartausu_. If you have not been trained in how to properly handle Terran relics, I must ask you to refrain from touching those. I’m sure you understand, as you are equally careful to ensure the proper care of Vulcan ones.”

Sofek narrowed his eyes, caught, but he stopped his hand.

 _That’s right, two can play at this game,_ she thought.

To her right, T’Grel slowly raised a brow.

Now seeking peace, Amanda offered, “Since we each apparently require training, in the interests of IDIC, why don’t we help one another?”

Thoroughly out-maneuvered by this small Human, Sofek held his ground only long enough to say, “I shall consider the matter at a later time.” With that he stiffly departed.

Amanda slowly let out her breath. Closing her eyes for a moment, she thought drily, _Vulcans are peaceful since when?_ When she opened them again she saw T’Grel eyeing her with a new respect.

“Your logic is sound… and inventive, _T’Sai_. It is gratifying,” her colleague said placidly, as if face-offs like this occurred every day at the academy. “I am going now for _theris-masu_ ,” she continued. “Have you been shown the amenities of this place? If you wish to join me, I will acquaint you with them.”

Amanda smiled, just a little. _I am Human, after all._ “I’d like that very much, _Kazhuksu_.”

ooo

When Sarek returned home that afternoon he sensed his wife's presence, quickly confirmed by the sight of her flitter in the hangar. This had been her second day at the VSA and he was immediately curious and concerned to know how it had been for her.

Not finding anyone in the lower hall or living area, he entered the kitchen. "My wife?" he inquired.

"She went up to her private quarters, _S’haile_ ," T'Areth answered, respectfully pausing from her activity.

Sarek nodded and turned upstairs, reflecting that his staff still did not fully grasp that Amanda’s private quarters were _his_ private quarters, and in fact seemed to deliberately ignore this strangely Human practice, that of sharing sleeping quarters, here in the heart of Vulcan tradition.

He entered their rooms momentarily lost in thought and was brought up short at the doorway to their bedchamber. Amanda was exiting the refresher, and had not heard his quiet tread. Apparently having just finished a water shower, her body still dripped with moisture and her hair was wet. She paused, fingers raised, in front of the environmental controls as if debating. Then, with a small sigh, she resolutely dropped her hand away from the cooling settings, instead lowering her head and shaking it gently, water droplets flying everywhere. Her skin was flushed and beginning to perspire again already, and Sarek could tell she was overheated. Adjusting to Vulcan’s unrelenting heat was exhausting for her.

Vulcans were not modest about nudity between bondmates and it was not unexpected that he would see his wife in such a state in their private rooms. Nonetheless, seeing her thus, covered in nothing but the element that made up so much of her world and yet so little of his, sparked in Sarek a surge of desire that surprised even him with its intensity. To his desert-bred sensibility, here in his arid home, the exotic moisture of her body was alluring, captivating... He worked to contain his ardor while he considered his next action, even as he instinctively inhaled her humid scent, inflaming him all the more.

At that moment Amanda looked up to see him there, and Sarek chastised himself for failing to adequately shield his thoughts and emotions from their bond.

"Sarek!" she exclaimed, her smile welcoming.

He was in front of her in an instant, his thoughts on greeting her with far more than the oz’hesta, intent on sweeping her up onto the sleeping platform... He stopped himself. _She is overheated. What I desire will only worsen her situation._ He offered her his two fingers instead.  _"Aduna.”_

" _Adun.”_  Amanda touched his fingers and was once again too perceptive of him. She looked down at their paired fingers and back up at him, playfully biting her lip. "I'm glad to see you too, my husband..."

Sarek withdrew fractionally. "It is too hot for you, my wife. It would be illogical to... exacerbate your discomfort."

Amanda was not about to sacrifice quality time with her husband on account of Vulcan’s climate. She made enough accommodations due to the harsh environment as it was; she was certainly not going to deprive herself of him. Especially not after a day like today.

“I just might have a solution, _Adun_ ,” she said in a lilting, mischievously teasing tone that never failed to arouse him, even as he would refuse to admit to being so susceptible to suggestion. _Only Amanda…_

She stepped closer and reached up to unfasten the collar on his robe, his dark eyes unabashedly curious as he allowed her to draw it off his shoulders. Coyly pulling him by his tunic sleeve, she led him into the refresher. He followed, keenly attentive.

Once at her shower, Amanda turned the water on again, adjusting it to a light, warm spray that would still be comfortable for her but not immediately chilling to her Vulcan spouse. To his surprise, she stepped into it and turned to face him, her back against the wall. "My husband, attend,” she commanded, her voice throaty and inviting. Staring seductively at him, she allowed her hands to rove from her shoulders down her naked, slippery body…

A low noise rumbled up from deep in Sarek's chest. Normally the idea of being covered in water would be decidedly unpleasant, but at this moment, all he could think of was the cool, soothing moisture that was the essence of his mate. And she was beckoning to him now, provocatively, from behind a teasing, aqueous barrier.

He would not be deterred. _She is mine!_ His gaze fixed on her, he yanked his tunic up over his head, tossing it aside. And as he stared, her slithering hands found her breasts, sultrily circling them before pausing for her fingers to tweak tantalizingly at her nipples…

_// ! //_

A wordless exclamation of desire filled his mind and once again, that peculiar madness engulfed him like a violent ocean wave from Earth. He plunged into the shower spray and pressed her roughly up against the slick tiles, overwhelming her. She gasped. His fingers found her face as his soaked pants simultaneously puddled on the shower floor.

Amanda moaned repeatedly, her sounds quickly transforming into high-pitched cries as Sarek energetically possessed her. His teeth found her shoulder and his hands slid all over her body as he took her against the wall. _She is mine, and I will claim her!_ She slipped on the wet surface, forcing him to press against her harder to keep her where he needed her. He growled. There was water in his eyes and in his nose, and sluicing off his back as he touched her everywhere, all of it provoking and enticing him in equal measure. The unlikely combination of intense sensations unerringly drove him to an intense, rapid rhythm that swiftly brought him to the brink of release.

Amanda just held on, glorying in the feel of his powerfully thrusting, muscled body as he lost himself within her. _Oh, God, yes--!_ She could feel the pressure of his climax building within him through the bond, and the anticipation of it sent her tumbling over the edge just as he shuddered hard inside her. His groan echoed her cry and she gripped him tightly, trembling with pleasure as the little aftershocks pulsed through her body and his.

“Oh, Sarek,” she whispered.

_//K’diwa.//_

After a moment of resting in his arms, she turned off the water, knowing it must be chilling him by now. Then she reached up and pushed the dripping hair off his brow, smiling tenderly at him.

Sarek blinked the water out of his eyes as if regaining his bearings. He reached for the sonic controls, turning them to a dry setting, and held his body from shivering as they both quickly dried. Then wordlessly, he scooped up his diminutive Human wife and carried her to their sleeping platform where he settled down beside her, cradling her.

 _//Tell me of your day, my wife...//_ he asked with complete equanimity, as if they had not just made intense, passionate love up against the wall of her shower moments before.

She loved him. She loved him with every fiber of her being. And she was so grateful that he returned her love with such intensity. Though their union was unusual and unexpected (and apparently for some, difficult to accept), she knew she would defend it until her dying breath. She would, of course, do everything in her power to bridge the differences she confronted in her new world, to build as normal a life as possible for them. But at the end of the day, she did not ultimately need the acceptance of others. She had him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Ahmau t’nashveh T’Grel" - “I am T’Grel.”  
> “Dif-tor heh smusma, Kazhuksu. Ahmau t’nashveh Amanda.” - “Live long and prosper, Colleague. I am Amanda.”  
> Kazhuksu – Colleague  
> komihn – Human  
> “Sochya eh dif” - “Peace and long life.”  
> theris-masu - tea


	25. A Violent Peace

When they first bonded, it had taken Amanda awhile to get used to the strange new mental connection. During the first several hours after they bonded they had remained in almost constant physical contact – as if afraid to let one another go – and as a result their minds had remained actively touching. That alone had been such a startlingly alien, intense, and wonderful experience that Amanda had focused on little else. It was only when they finally were forced to separate for a time during the following day that she had begun to perceive what the bond itself was truly like.

That sense of his presence that the bond created was only slightly more amplified when he was actually with her, at her side or in the room next door. So absorbed was she in him and in their newly discovered intimacy that it wasn’t until she was physically alone, and yet still felt his aura, that she realized that this was the bond. That first day she began to sense changes in it, like moving waves or currents, realizing that these were the broad edges of his emotions, undeniably there even though strictly controlled.

Dimly, she had been able to sense his determination to prevail in some verbal conflict, followed by a brief sense of embarrassment, and then later, his building anger at the offensive questioning of the Terran press before calm returned to him when they were re-united. Since then, they had both learned to shield from one another, so as not to be entirely distracting, and she had grown used to the more subtle ebbs and flows of his presence that the bond afforded.

This day, however, she strained to feel any change in the bond, for he was not present. Very far from it. Immediately after she started at the VSA, the Federation Council had requested that Sarek represent it in meetings with the leadership of a planet in the Delta Ophiuchi system that had expressed an interest in joining the Federation. Though the planet’s inhabitants, the Nu’un, were only newly space-faring, their location in between Federation and Klingon space made them a potentially strategic ally. There was sufficient time before the first convening of the Vulcan High Council that Sarek would be required to attend, and so he had accepted the mission as duty required. They had never been separated by so much distance or for so long.

“Don’t shield me away,” she had entreated him before he departed. “I want to know if I can still sense you when you’re so far from me.”

“You will know that I am with you, _K’diwa_ ,” he had responded reassuringly. His words had been true, even as his presence in her mind remained barely discernable as he labored, parsecs away, deep in discussions with the Nu’un head of state on the Nu’un home planet of Qan.

His Federation briefing beforehand and conversations on-planet confirmed intriguing similarities between the Nu’un and the Vulcan people, save for their physical appearances. A quasi-humanoid race, the Nu’un possessed six limbs: two arms, two legs, and two prehensile appendages that could be used as hands or feet. A contemplative and artistic species with surprisingly even wealth distribution across their culture, the Nu’un were only now reaching out beyond their planet after a devastating civil war several generations prior had decimated large parts of their planet and population. Lingering remnants of chemical weapons still circulated in the atmosphere, sickening and crippling many, and help with recovery was high on the list of reasons for the Nu’uns’ interest in the Federation.

Accordingly, Sarek’s delegation had brought samples of medications designed to arrest or mitigate the effects of Nu’un’s environmental toxins as a gesture of goodwill. Only relatively simple modifications by Nu’un scientists were needed to adapt the treatments for the local population.

Over a leisurely evening meal the planet’s First Citizen, Adit Neem Un’la, and Sarek discussed the latest medical test results and the steps that would follow after the delegation’s departure, now looming. While Sarek and the diplomatic staff had negotiated, teams of Federation scientists had performed planetary scans and observed its society in detail -- save for within the toxic Restricted Territories, remnants of the war -- and recorded its people’s needs.

“We are made extremely hopeful by the promise of these new treatments,” First Citizen Neem informed Sarek. “They will help many Nu’un return to productive lives, and for that we are grateful,” he said, raising a vessel of a wine-like beverage in thanks.

Sarek inclined his head graciously. “All the Federation asks is that the medication be distributed equitably,” he stated.

“Of course,” the First Citizen acknowledged, and Sarek raised his drink in the same gesture.

“How many doses of the atmospheric anti-toxin will you require?” the ambassador asked.

“My people will provide exact numbers to your staff before you depart, Ambassador, but it will be around four billion.”

Sarek paused briefly. “Indeed? That number is quite low, based on the population readings our delegation has gathered. Are you assuming that not all will require the recommended three doses?”

The First Citizen’s voice became quiet, and Sarek heard tension in it that had not been there before. “We will use the treatment as recommended. The number of doses we require is based on the number of Nu’un eligible to receive them; you must assume that our figures are accurate. We do know our own population, Ambassador.”

Sarek was not about to be warned off by the suggestion that his host was offended. “I intend no offense, Premier. I merely wish to understand the apparent discrepancy. Our data indicates a population of Nu’un on Qan of two billion. Your figures suggest one of only one point three billion.”

The First Citizen’s mouth drew into a thin line. “I thought the Federation does not insinuate itself into the internal affairs of its members or allies. The (unintelligible) are not eligible for the medications.”

The Universal Translator had blipped over the word the First Citizen used. “Who are ineligible?” Sarek asked.

“The Defilers,” Adit Neem Un’la said with disgust. “Those who caused our devastation,” he explained as though it was obvious. S

arek’s brow furrowed. “Our information must be in error. I understood that the war which damaged your planet occurred approximately 500 of your years ago. Are there survivors from that conflict still living?”

“Certainly not,” Adit Neem Un’la replied impatiently. “We have carried on for six generations since the war, in spite of what the Defilers did.”

Understanding was beginning to dawn on Sarek, and he did not like where his conclusions were leading him. “There are 700 million Defilers living today, is that correct?”

“Yes. It is a substantial burden that we bear.” “But none of these Defilers were living at the time of the conflict.”

“Of course not!”

“They are the descendants of the original combatants.”

“Ambassador, I had been told that you were quite an intelligent being. Yes, the Defilers we allow to live on Qan today are obviously descended from those who started the war, and who caused the destruction from which we still suffer!” The First Citizen was now clearly annoyed by Sarek’s questioning.

“Yet those alive today did not themselves take the actions which you allege,” Sarek continued, pressing his point. “It is illogical to assign culpability to these individuals.”

“They bear the stain! They are _responsible_ ,” the Nu’un insisted.

Deeply concerned now, Sarek posed a different query. “First Citizen, how would I know a Defiler among you? Do they espouse violence?”

“You have not – you will not – see them among us. They only live in the Restricted Territories, and their movements are carefully controlled. We have learned from the past to take no chances. We cannot afford to have chaos and war return, Ambassador. It is our generosity that allows them to live.”

Sarek realized that the Nu’uns’ control over the Defilers must be both very strict as well as seamlessly integrated into society here; otherwise, the survey teams would have discovered the Defilers’ existence. The Federation needed to understand the situation better in order to act. “I must meet with a representative of the Defilers,” he declared firmly.

“That is not possible,” the First Citizen said, his voice cold. “It is a capital crime to entertain any Defiler, and the same holds for any Defiler who ventures outside the Territories.”

“Premier Adit Neem Un’la,” Sarek said, his voice grave, “I regret that the Federation must re-consider what it has learned here. Our principles require that any aid, including medical aid, be distributed equitably based upon need amongst the entire sentient population. Certainly if the Defilers live in the Restricted Territories, they would most assuredly have need of the anti-toxin. They must be provided it if we are to offer it to you.”

“They do not need it; they are responsible. That is why they are ineligible. But my people need your help!”

“All who need help deserve it,” the Vulcan said quietly. Seeing a possible opening, he continued, “Premier, many of the worlds of the Federation have experienced similar conflicts in the past, including my own. It is possible to overcome such schisms. We would be willing to offer assistance in mediating a solution to yours, if you so choose.”

The Nu’un frowned for a moment, as if considering, but then shook his head, dismissing the concept. “These are not your concerns!” he denied heatedly.

Sarek stood. Phrasing his words carefully but authoritatively, he addressed his counterpart. “Premier, let us declare a recess from our negotiations until the morning. A period of rest and reflection will no doubt prove beneficial.”

Adit Neem Un’la leapt to his feet, prehensile limbs slapping loudly to the floor. “It is wrong for you to leave us!” he exclaimed.

Inwardly Sarek tensed, aware of the potential threat even as he worked to quiet the agitated leader. “Let us continue this discussion under calmer circumstances, Premier. It would surely send the wrong impression to my government should you allow ill-considered emotion to color your next actions.” Sarek’s voice was firm and clear with warning.

He was all too aware of the danger that the First Citizen’s desperation could bring. The rest of his diplomatic team, three aides and two unarmed security guards, awaited him in another chamber; he had to get them safely out of there before the situation escalated. He also needed to pacify the distraught First Citizen, lest the negotiations fail and the Nu’un blame the Defilers, retaliating against them.

The Nu’un’s face tightened in anger, but he remained still. “You do not understand,” he hissed. Remaining neutral, Sarek inclined his head. “We welcome the opportunity to learn more, so that we may understand one another. May we meet again in peace after the rest period,” he finished, steepling his fingers together and bowing slightly. At his counterpart’s reluctant acknowledgement, he calmly turned and proceeded toward the exit, every sense tuned for what might erupt at his departure.

ooo

Light-years away, Amanda’s attention was pulled from her research by a sudden, tense feeling in her gut. Wariness invaded her thoughts, followed abruptly by alarm. _What is wrong?_ she wondered. Then she realized that these tendrils of emotion were not hers. _Sarek!_ Her heart hammered. She forgot to shield.

ooo

Sarek reached the outer doorway and began to walk across the wide botanical atrium at the building’s front. Reaching discreetly for his comm, he notified his team, “Beam out at once. I will join you aboard.” He was about to signal the _Surak_ when he heard the whisper of an unfamiliar Nu’un voice behind him. “

Envoy from the Federation,” it rasped.

Sarek slowly turned, and what he saw told him he was most likely facing one of the Defilers. The Nu’un’s clothing hung from its thin, malnourished body, revealing one misshapen prehensile limb and mottled, damaged skin, most likely from exposure to chemical weapon remnants. Its face and body were deformed from birth or by disease, and Sarek could not tell its gender. He stood, silent but wary, as the being hesitantly approached.

“Ambassador,” the being repeated. “Do not abandon us. This planet needs your help—”

Suddenly the door Sarek had just exited opened again to reveal the First Citizen, who stared in shock at the vagabond intruder in his atrium. “Defiler!” he shouted.

Instantly a squad of uniformed and armed Nu’uns appeared in multiple doorways. Without a moment’s hesitation, two of the closest guards leveled their weapons at the Defiler -- and fired.

With a ragged scream, the being disintegrated before Sarek’s eyes.

Horrified, Sarek froze. His still reaction might have saved his life, for as one, all of the guards’ weapons shifted immediately to train on him. He shielded his mind, but not fast enough. As he stood, eyes locked with the hostile guards and calculating the odds of his survival in the next moments, he was jolted by a wave of Human panic that wrenched his gut. _Amanda! She should not be experiencing any of this, and I cannot be distracted._ Silently asking for his wife’s forgiveness, he closed himself off from their bond.

The First Citizen was speaking again. “Stand down, I said. The Federation Ambassador does not understand our laws, nor how they protect us. The Defiler did know, however, and paid the price accordingly.” Adit Neem Un’la turned to Sarek. “Go now, Ambassador, and we will speak later,” he said.

Sarek’s features were a frozen mask. There was nothing more to be said at the moment. “So I shall,” was his only answer before the _Surak_ beamed him out.

A few moments passed before Sarek regained his control after the cold-blooded murder he had just witnessed. Regardless of any broader circumstances that could possibly be imagined, such slaughter could not be justified. And if he had interpreted the Premier’s words correctly, they might well be dealing with a culture in which one segment of the population was systematically and ruthlessly oppressed as a consequence of past events. Such practices would be quite challenging to reconcile with Federation membership requirements.

He quickly convened the rest of the diplomatic team to strategize the morning’s approach to the Nu’un. With the new facts before them, it was going to be difficult to bring both sides together on mutually acceptable terms.

It would be several hours before he could meditate in private – or communicate with home.

ooo

Amanda stared unseeingly at the wall in her office, her fists poised at her mouth opened in a silent scream. She had felt Sarek’s sudden wariness, and then a spike of concern, before it was all abruptly silenced. _What has happened?! Is he dead? Injured?_ And there was nothing she could do. She simply stood there, frozen, unwilling to allow herself to feel anything other than her mute horror lest she confirm her worst fear.

She remained unmoving until she felt the salty sting of tears rolling down her cheeks. _Think!!_ She took a deep breath. _I can call the Embassy, Sarek’s office. I’ll even call Starfleet if need be._ She turned inward, searching once more for Sarek’s presence in her mind. There was something, something faint… Her heart leapt for a moment in relief before the thought occurred to her that she could simply be imagining what she sensed, an echo from the past, so badly did she want confirmation that he was still there.

Her face grim, she commed Sarek’s office.

Minutes later, she felt more frustrated than relieved, having been placidly told by Sarek’s staff that they were awaiting a scheduled check-in from the _Surak_ and had received no information of anything untoward occurring. She vowed to contact them again in a short while, and then leaned her head on her hands, utterly drained.

A voice startled her. “Are you unwell, _T’Sai_?” To Amanda’s surprise, it was her colleague T’Grel, looking in from the doorway.

“Wha-? No, I mean, perhaps yes…” Amanda rubbed her temples, watching the T’Grel’s brow crease in confusion. “I’m sorry; I just don’t know how to describe what’s wrong… One minute he was there, and the next— ” Her voice caught and she struggled to retain her composure.

“Who is this of which you speak?”

“Sarek. I can’t sense him any more.”

T’Grel’s eyes widened ever so slightly. “You are _bonded_?” she asked, unable to completely keep the incredulity out of her voice. Amanda was about to make an irritated retort before she stopped herself, realizing that Vulcans outside of Sarek’s immediate circle might not be aware that a Vulcan-Human marriage bond was even possible, let alone that such a bond existed. _Assuming he’s still alive,_ she reminded herself, and bit her lip to keep the tears at bay. “Yes,” she barely managed to whisper to T’Grel.

The Vulcan woman then stepped into the room, assessing Amanda carefully. “A broken or damaged bond is a serious matter.”

The Human only nodded. “

You did not experience your bondmate’s death,” T’Grel stated.

Amanda’s head jerked up, her eyes hopeful. “Why do you say that?”

“If you had, you would require immediate medical attention.” T’Grel tilted her head, considering. “At least, it would be so for a Vulcan. I do not know how a Human would be affected. I ask forgiveness,” she amended, “for offering a premature assessment.”

Amanda sagged back into her chair. “That’s all right,” she acknowledged tiredly. “I don’t think anyone knows how this works for us.”

T’Grel straightened. “I will summon a healer.”

When Amanda began to protest the Vulcan woman held up a hand. “To object is illogical, T’Sai. Your health may have been compromised.”

It was barely a minute later and the healer, a woman named T’Jinn, arrived from somewhere inside the vast complex. Matter-of-fact, she immediately sat down across from Amanda and began questioning her. T’Grel retreated to allow them privacy.

“What gives thee reason to suspect that thy bond has been damaged, or that thy bondmate has suffered harm, T’Sai?” T’Jinn began, speaking softly in one of the more formal dialects that identified her as from the northern Tat’sahr region.

Amanda repeated what she had related to T’Grel. “One moment he was there, in my mind, like he always is, and then the next – ” She faltered, recalling. “The next, I felt his… concern… about something, and then he was just gone. I can’t sense him now – or at least, I don’t think I can.”

“Has thy bondmate never shielded his thoughts from thee?” T’Jinn asked, clearly surprised.

“Oh, yes, he has,” Amanda responded, “And I’ve learned how to, somewhat, as well. It’s just never been… like this.”

“Where is thy bondmate now, _T’Sai_?” T’Jinn asked. “Somewhere in the region of Delta Ophiuchus.”

The healer’s brows rose to their maximum height. “That is a great distance. Thee were able to sense him there?”

“Yes,” Amanda said, unable to hide her dejection, “before it… stopped.”

T’Jinn looked thoughtful for a moment before she spoke. “In order to ascertain if there has been damage to thy bond, _T’Sai_ , I must touch thy thoughts. Are thee familiar with this?”

Amanda nodded. As much as she didn’t relish the stranger’s mental contact, she hoped the healer would be able to tell her something of what had happened to Sarek.

The healer’s touch was deceptively light, and she moved in and out of Amanda’s thoughts more quickly than Amanda would have imagined. When T’Jinn withdrew, Amanda felt calmer, and she knew that had been the healer’s doing.

T’Jinn’s words brought her back to the present. “A quieter mind is helpful in sensing subtle changes in a bond,” she said, acknowledging Amanda’s realization. “I have never observed a marriage bond in a Human before, but I sense no damage to thine. I detect thy bondmate’s presence as well,” she added, and Amanda’s heart leapt. The healer warned, “Although I believe thy bondmate lives, T’Sai, thee must be aware, he may be injured or ill, or continuing to shield his thoughts. I regret I can tell thee no more regarding his status.”

Amanda nodded, disappointed not to know more, but nonetheless relieved by the healer’s assessment. T’Jinn made another query. “For how long have thee been bonded, T’Sai?”

Amanda calculated. “Less than two Standard years. About sixteen Earth months, or almost two Vulcan years,” she replied.

“Ah,” T’Jinn replied with sudden understanding. “Thy bond is like a child’s.” Before Amanda could react indignantly, though, the healer continued, “As the seasons pass, thee will find thy bond more facile to read.” She added, “If thee wishes, I can show thee now how to discern the bond with more clarity.”

“Yes, please!” Amanda said quickly. Even if it meant the healer touching her mind again, it would be worth it to lift the blindness she felt now. _Funny,_ she thought. _Had I married a Human man, I would have no idea of what I was missing._ She indicated her readiness to the healer.

T’Jinn raised her fingers to Amanda’s face, and in an instant, Amanda heard her speak in her mind.

_//Follow my thoughts…//_

Amanda complied, guided by the healer, and soon her perception of the bond with Sarek strengthened. She still could not sense his thoughts or emotions, but her awareness of his presence grew stronger as her apprehension of his consciousness slowly solidified. When the healer’s mind gently withdrew, the heightened recognition remained. _He is there!_ Amanda blinked, coming back to herself, and then smiled, touching her temples. “Yes…” she breathed in relief before looking up at T’Jinn. “Thank you.”

T’Jinn politely declined to acknowledge what to her was an illogical comment and instead advised her patient. “Thy bondmate’s status is still uncertain. Thy bond may yet still be disrupted. I advise rest and meditation until more is known. For your safety, I will arrange for thee to be transported to thy home.”

The Human woman nodded in acknowledgement, and when the healer continued to stare at her, pensive, Amanda had to ask, “What is it, _Hakausu_?”

T’Jinn hesitated a moment before answering, wondering if her thought would be construed as inappropriate commentary on another’s personal situation. The curiosity expressed on the young Human’s face and radiating from her mind caused the healer to forge ahead. “Even young though it is, that which thee and thy bondmate share is unusually strong. It is… a gift.”

Not offended but moved, Amanda bowed her head. “I am honored. I appreciate your assistance, _Hakausu_.”

“It is only logical,” T’Jinn stated simply before bowing her own head to depart. “Peace and long life, _T’Sai_.”

“Live long and prosper, _Hakausu_.”

Amanda then sought out her suite mate. “It was logical to summon the healer, T’Grel. Thank you.”

T’Grel’s brows quirked upward at this combination of Vulcan and Human courtesy. And then she surprised Amanda once more. “It is logical to assist one in need, _Katravahsu_. You may address me as T’Grel.”

“Call me Amanda, T’Grel,” Amanda replied, touched by the unexpected familiarity.

T’Grel then gave her a stern look. “You will tell me, Amanda, if you feel unwell again. Needless suffering is illogical.”

Amanda nodded, and couldn’t help smiling. She felt less alone. Now, she only had to wait…

ooo

The rim of the Nu’un sun was just peeking over the planet’s horizon from the Surak’s vantage point, in geosynchronous orbit over the capital city, when Sarek finally dismissed his team from its deliberations.

Having considered the situation from multiple angles, there was no question as to the position he must take with the Nu’un First Citizen. They could not recommend Qan for Federation membership without, at a minimum, learning a great deal more about the Defilers and their situation, and most likely working with the Nu’un government to resolve the Defilers’ differential status. Based on his last interactions with the Premier the night before, Sarek knew the odds of obtaining such an outcome immediately were poor – less than eighteen point six four percent, he calculated. Gathering his thoughts, he signaled a request to speak with Premier Adit Neem Un’la.

The conversation went much as he expected. Amidst the First Citizen’s objections to interference into his world’s sovereign affairs, however, Sarek did detect a very slight softening that gave him reason to believe a future attempt at forging an agreement might be successful. “It is my hope that we will be able to meet in the future under more mutually agreeable circumstances,” he concluded to the First Citizen. While better than nothing, he did not consider this a positive outcome. The benefit of any accord reached in the future would have to be balanced against the cost in lives harmed by the present inaction. Such was often the reality of diplomacy.

Further, there would be little strategic use of Qan by the Federation until some sort of agreement was forged. While it might come to the point that the UFP would be willing to cede its principles to obtain access to a planetary harbor if the military situation with the Klingons deteriorated sufficiently, they were not at that point yet, and Sarek did not deem it necessary nor appropriate to proceed now as if they were. He was aware that this decision would only help to solidify the opinion held by some of him as an enemy of Starfleet, but logic did not justify a different course of action. _Kai’idth_.

As the _Surak_ warped away toward Federation space, Sarek opened a subspace channel to Vulcan. His aide, T’Sey, quickly took his report and recommendations with plans to distribute them appropriately. Following the debriefing and a quick update on other diplomatic matters, T’Sey shared one more item with him.

“ _S’haile, T’Sai_ Amanda has contacted our office multiple times over the past day’s cycle. She was… most insistent that you be contacted.”

Pushing aside the discomfort he immediately felt upon hearing of his bondmate’s distress, Sarek considered her statement. T’Sey was a clan member and distant cousin who had demonstrated promise in the diplomatic corps, yet he could surmise that even one with her growing level of familiarity with non-Vulcan cultures would be off-put by an insistent, perhaps greatly concerned, Amanda demanding to know the status of her husband. “Understood,” he acknowledged. “I gather that her manner of making the request was rather more emotional than that to which you are accustomed.” “Affirmative, S’haile,” T’Sey replied cautiously. Sarek continued, “Do recall that T’Sai Amanda’s ways are different, as she is Human. As you progress in this field, you will need to appreciate, or at least accept, such diversity in order to become a successful diplomat.”

T’Sey cast her eyes downward respectfully, indicating she understood the lesson he intended to impart. “Of course, _Osu_.”

“Your work is commendable, T’Sey,” Sarek said. He concluded the transmission, and directed the _Surak’s_ exec to open another channel from his cabin. Finally, various duties discharged for now, he could communicate directly with his wife. Even as part of him was warmed by his bondmate’s protective attitude in inquiring after him, a larger part deeply regretted distressing her so. She is not Vulcan. I must protect her from any emotional harm the bond could cause. He keyed in the comm codes for their home and opened his mind…

ooo

Amanda felt his presence return before the comm unit chimed. Like a fresh morning breeze, his consciousness came rushing back into her mind as if a window had just been opened. An overjoyed smile burst across her face. At the sound of the comm, she leapt toward it.

“Sarek!” Amanda gasped when she saw him.

“My wife.”

Irrational as it was, she couldn’t help reaching out toward the viewscreen as if to touch his face. He raised an eyebrow at her action, and she exclaimed, “Oh, thank goodness, it really is you!” Her eyes teared up.

“My wife?”

Her words rushed out. “I was worried for a moment this might be a recorded message. Then I still wouldn’t know if you were all right. You are all right, aren’t you? What happened? I was so frightened. I couldn’t sense you!” Concerned, she bombarded him with questions, her face streaked with tears.

“ _Aduna_.”

“No one would tell me anything at your office -- ”

“ _Aduna_.” Sarek interjected firmly, finally getting her attention. “I am quite well. There was… a regrettable situation, and a negative turn in the negotiations. Unfortunately, it was necessary for me to temporarily shield against our bond.” Then he asked, “You could not sense me?”

“At first, when you shielded, no. It was as if the bond was too faint,” Amanda said. “But then a healer helped me, and while I still couldn’t sense anything about you, I could feel you were there.”

Sarek straightened at this news. Although he crushed the reflexive jealousy over the fact that another, even a healer, had shared his bondmate’s thoughts, he was still troubled. _Our bond is such that my wife must seek the assistance of a healer,_ he thought, castigating himself. _I have failed again to keep her safe, even to instruct her in the use of the bond, as a proper bondmate should._ He immediately shielded these thoughts, leaving Amanda with no idea of his concern.

“I ask forgiveness for distressing you.”

“Sarek, what happened? Were you in danger?”

“As you can see, _Aduna_ , I am unharmed.”

She took in a breath. “That’s _not_ what I asked!”

“In the future, I shall shield more skillfully, to avoid causing you pain.”

“Sarek, I can _handle_ pain,” Amanda countered. “But I should know when you’re in danger!” Still emotionally on-edge and irritated by his avoidance of her question, she couldn’t keep the frustration from her voice.

Now Sarek’s voice began to reveal his own strain. “My wife, there is nothing you could have done in this situation or in any other like it, so there is no logic in allowing you to feel discomfort. I will not harm you – and certainly not needlessly.”

“And what do you think would happen to me if you die?” she asked.

Resolute, he stared past her into the distance. “You would be cared for.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be putting yourself into such dangerous situations!” Amanda cried, exasperated by his attitude and fearful on his behalf. Further vexed by his silence, she started again, “Sarek _cha_ Skon _cha_ Solkar -- ”

He cut her off, his voice quiet but stern. “Yes, Aduna. That is who I am.”

Embarrassed, Amanda lowered her eyes. _Of course. Those of the clan of Surak are peacemakers. And peacemaking is often dangerous. Not that I have to like the fact, but I did know who he was when I married him_. She met his eyes again. “I ask forgiveness, _Adun_.”

His expression softened. “As do I, my wife. For a multitude of shortcomings.”

Amanda couldn’t help a tender smile. “Hurry home, my husband. And please, travel safely.”

Sarek gave her his own, tiny smile. “Indeed, I shall do both.”

Once the channel closed, Sarek prepared for a much-needed meditation. There was not much he could do about the hazards inherent in his assigned occupation, save insulate his wife as much as possible from them. He would also contemplate how to strengthen their bond. At least, he thought with some relief, he could pursue his duties with the knowledge that she was safe on Vulcan, where peace and reason prevailed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hakausu – Healer  
> Kai’idth – “What is, is.”  
> Katravahsu - associate, colleague, partner  
> Osu - Sir  
> Tat’sahr – northern province of Na’nam continent


	26. Interpretations

Sarek returned home and it seemed, at least for the time being, that their lives resumed relatively calmly. Absorbed as she was in her new position at the VSA and still acclimating to her new planet, Amanda only gradually noticed in passing that a few faces on the fortress’ staff had changed.

At first she attributed it simply to normal turnover in a large organization. After she discovered a few more, it surprised her that there was this much random change, especially when she learned that many of the positions at D’H’Riset were hereditary. She wondered briefly, but did not take the time to analyze it any further. But when the head chef, Sodon, was suddenly replaced with someone new, a woman named T’Sirra, Amanda finally asked Sarek.

“Sarek, what happened to Sodon?”

Sarek’s brow furrowed slightly. “‘What happened to Sodon?’ Your query is imprecise, my wife.”

“Why is Sodon no longer working in the kitchen? T’Sirra introduced herself to me this morning as the new chef.”

“Sodon has been reassigned.”

“By you, my husband? Why?”

Sarek flicked his eyes away for a moment before returning them to hers. “Sodon’s understanding of kol’ut’shan was deficient.”

_What about Sodon’s interpretation of IDIC could garner Sarek’s disapproval?_ Amanda wondered. “Where did you reassign him?” she then asked, curious about how such a deficiency would logically be addressed.

“There was an opening on the culinary staff at the Embassy on Andoria.”

“Sarek!”

From what Amanda had heard, the Andorian posting was extremely unpopular, even if no member of the Vulcan Diplomatic Corps would openly admit to such an opinion. The climate there was frigid, and bilateral relations between the two peoples had been less than cordial in the past.

Sarek regarded her unperturbed and as if he had done nothing untoward, and she was puzzled. Then her eyes narrowed. “Sarek, this doesn’t have anything to do with me, does it?”

He straightened, realizing that he would have to be candid. “Sodon was less than adequately receptive to your arrival. Therefore, I reassigned him.”

Amanda’s eyes widened, and Sarek braced himself for a wave of injured emotion from his bondmate, precisely the scenario he was attempting to avoid by removing the problematic staff. He would not see her hurt in any situation he could address.

She was speaking again. “Is that where the others who aren’t here anymore have gone, too?” she asked quietly.

“Not all, no,” he answered, his voice equally quiet.

Conflicting thoughts and emotions warred in Amanda’s head. At first she was surprised; she hadn’t sensed any negativity from anyone she’d met at the fortress. Don’t be naïve, she chastised herself, if you’ve encountered it at the VSA and on the Vulcan High Council, you can run into it anywhere. Even so, it was disconcerting to learn that people who worked in her own home harbored such attitudes. But she couldn’t rely on her husband to simply remove anyone who didn’t welcome her presence, either. Even though, at the moment, the idea of being protected thusly from an unpredictably unwelcoming population didn’t seem all that bad… She took a deep breath. _Toughen up, Grayson_.

She stepped closer to her Vulcan spouse. As they were alone, she gently stroked his cheek. “My husband,” she murmured, slowly shaking her head.

Sarek returned her gaze, his own eyes revealing confusion at her unexpected reaction.

“I’m touched that you want to protect me, but how can I learn to get along with those who disapprove of me here if I don’t interact with them?”

“It is not your issue, my wife,” Sarek returned stubbornly. “It is theirs.”

Now she smiled at his openly protective stance. “Sarek, the situation is not going to improve if word gets around that you’ll banish anyone who isn’t nice to me.”

Sarek’s jaw tightened, obdurate, but the peacemaker within him had to acknowledge her point.

“Very well, my wife. I shall consider your suggestion. However,” he insisted, “safeguarding your well-being remains of paramount importance.”

Amanda, not wanting to have to think about it anymore – at least for a little while – just laid her head against his chest.

ooo

It was evening, and the staff had departed. Amanda was bored, waiting for Sarek to return from a late meeting in Shi’Kahr, and had begun to explore some of the little-used areas in the hallway behind the kitchen.

Having procured herself a cup of tea, she poked her head out the rear entrance to the kitchen, down the hallway that led to where supplies were kept. She hadn’t really ventured in this direction before, knowing only that many of the chambers here had been dug deep underground in ancient times to facilitate storage of perishables. Curious, she decided to have a look.

When she investigated behind a few doorways, she was disappointed to find that many of the aged rooms had been upgraded into quite modern facilities. _Logical, but not very intriguing,_ she thought. Then a tall, old doorway near the end of the hall captured her attention. Amanda’s curiosity demanded she investigate further.

She could not know that she had found a very old, but still functional, shelter from sand and other storms of the desert. The massive door opened surprisingly easily when she worked the outside mechanism. It startled her when it swung shut behind her.

_Oh!_

Amanda stood at the top of a long set of downward steps, shrouded in darkness. She shoved back against the door to return the way she came. It refused to budge. She tried again, with the same result.

_What have I done?_ She wondered.

Next she ran her fingers around the edges of the door, as high as she could reach, searching for a release. Nothing. She did the same all over the door’s surface and the walls next to it. Still nothing. _What the heck?_

She pounded on it, but all she did was hurt her hands. The door was too thick for her blows to register on the other side. Besides, there was no one else home to hear them, and I’Chaya was usually out prowling in the garden at this time.

Frustrated and becoming worried, Amanda tried to think of a way to alert Sarek of her whereabouts. _Who knows when he’ll be home, and when he does return this is the last place he’ll look for me. Why can’t I figure out this darned door? I warned myself that something like would happen if I wasn’t careful!_

Then an idea occurred to her. _The healer T’Jinn said our bond was strong,_ she thought, recalling the incident with the Nu-un. She sat on the step and concentrated as hard as she could on the bond with her husband.

//Sarek, I am here…//

She had no idea whether she was reaching him or simply sending thoughts to herself.

Kilometers away, Sarek was heading back toward the fortress when something caught his attention. He thought of Amanda – this was not unusual – but the thought was accompanied by an unfamiliar flurry of emotions. He did not typically experience these emotions in such a way. Frustration, worry, hope and fear all fluttered rapidly within him, and the sensation was odd enough to cause him to pause and focus on it. These emotions had not originated with him.

//Amanda?//

At the top of the basement stairs, Amanda sat up. _Did I sense something from Sarek?_ She wasn’t sure. _Why can’t I tell?_ Frustration swelled. _I probably just imagined it. I’m no telepath._

Sarek felt no answer, but more worry and frustration coursed through him. _Something is amiss with my wife._

Without another second’s pause, he accelerated toward the fortress.

Amanda was growing tired. Tired of concentrating, tired of being stuck in the dark, just tired. Tired and, she reflected, angry. Angry at herself for getting into this stupid situation, and angry in general at the many Vulcan obstacles thrown up against her making a home here. In that moment, the stubborn door represented more than just a physical barrier; it was a symbol of the many cultural challenges and intolerances that had tripped her up since her arrival.

She curled up on the step, allowing a tiny current of self-pity to trickle in. It became a torrent, and for a moment she couldn’t stop the frustrated tears.

_Get a grip, Grayson!_ she growled to herself. _I’m not going to let myself become a sniveling mess, even if I am locked in the basement._

Having just arrived back at the fortress, Sarek was struck by another wave of emotion from his _aduna_. She was clearly distressed – _and self-critical? What could have led to this situation?_ Outwardly impassive, he hurried inside, concentrating on their bond.

It led him to the back of the ancient structure, to the storage areas. Puzzled, he nonetheless began to search.

_“Aduna!” //Aduna!//_

Amanda heard his booming baritone just as she felt the brush of his presence through the bond. _He heard me!_

“Sarek!” She cried, concentrating as hard as she could on their bond and pounding on the great door.

A moment later, it opened to reveal her husband, his concerned eyes belying his otherwise stoic visage. She rushed into his arms.

Amanda just clung to him, trembling silently, and Sarek perceived that she was reacting to more than just her temporary imprisonment. Sending her a sense of calm through their bond, he realized again the tremendous sacrifice his Human wife had made in coming to Vulcan.

She was the alien here, in itself an often difficult situation, as he well knew. But it was his duty to periodically take on the role of alien, and one in which he was well experienced. For his young wife, this was all new, and all the more difficult. In addition, she shouldered the burden of being considered an outcast by some, and had to navigate many unforeseen challenges to her daily life that weren’t issues at all on Earth, such as what had just occurred. And while he did not express it, he was tremendously relieved that this mishap had been as harmless as it was. He chastised himself thoroughly for overlooking this particular hazard.

“Thank you,” she breathed into his chest, and a wave of embarrassment washed over him from their bond. “I’m sorry for this. I couldn’t sense you again. I thought I had learned how to do that.”

He pulled back slightly to gaze gravely down at her. “I believe you were attempting to do more than that, _Aduna_. You were trying to communicate with me via thought through our bond. That is an advanced telepathic skill.”

“Oh. I guess that’s beyond my ability, then. Just like opening this door!” Her frustration was palpable.

Sarek brushed the backs of his fingers against her cheek. “On the contrary, my wife. You must give yourself more credit. The release mechanism for this door is quite ancient and unusual. I estimate 92.64% of modern Vulcans would require similar assistance in this situation. Further, I did detect your distress and was able to locate you through our bond, due to your projections. That is no small accomplishment on your part.”

“But why couldn’t I sense you in return?”

Now his mouth upturned ever so slightly. “The presence of emotion, such as Humans occasionally experience, can at times interfere with one’s ability to sense changes in a bond. I could show you techniques to address this, if you would like.”

“I would!” she answered firmly, her usual determined optimism returning as if it had never wavered.

Sarek considered her for a moment.

“You honor me, _Aduna_.”

Her brows knit in confusion. “Whatever for, Sarek? I just locked myself in the basement – hardly honorable!”

“You are here.”

“Where else would I be, _Adun_?” She asked, her eyes wide.

That confusing array of inexpressible emotions arose again in Sarek’s mind. Fortunately, they were alone in the fortress.

_//Amanda,//_ he projected to her as he first took her hand in his, Vulcan-style, and then enfolded her in his arms to kiss her soundly, Human-style. I _t is my duty to protect her from all types of distress,_ he thought, vowing to renew his efforts to ensure her comfort and safety on his world.

Later that evening, as he held her again, he lost himself in her soothing presence. Although it was he who offered her equanimity through their bond more often than not, it was in fact she who was his bedrock of calm. Her acceptance of him, her devotion to him, soothed the savage edges of his being that his control could hide but not eradicate. _She is mine._

ooo

Diplomatic receptions occurred on Vulcan essentially as they did elsewhere. The first one arrived for the couple not long after their relocation. Having not attended one in a while, Amanda smiled as she slipped on the blue silk gown. It was quintessentially Human, and she was looking forward to wearing it for a few hours after weeks of assiduously adhering to the VSA’s _de facto_ dress code of Vulcan teaching robes. She appreciated the practical but bland – and, on her small form, rather shapeless – robes for what they were, but tonight she was eagerly anticipating the opportunity to look and feel decidedly Human and female.

It was time to depart. Sarek, impeccably dressed in the robes of his office, went in search of Amanda. And found himself discomfited. Once again, he confronted the twin reactions he often experienced when Amanda wore Human attire: gratification at observing his aduna’s pleasing form, and concern over how obvious that pleasing form would be to everyone else. The gown’s fitted bodice and long, elegantly draped skirt accentuated her figure, and its color highlighted her eyes. He wished that for once she would see the logic of wearing Vulcan-style clothing to a diplomatic event.

He cleared his throat, catching her attention.

“Sarek.” She smiled warmly at him before twirling in her dress. “Isn’t it pretty?”

_No more so than its wearer,_ he thought.

Before he could answer, she said, “It’s a nice change to be wearing something other than those matronly teaching robes.”

Seeing a possible opening, he sought to exploit it. “But the robes are appropriate, are they not, as you are both a teacher and a married female?”

Amanda made a face. “Sarek, I’m married, but not old or staid yet, please!”

“I would not imply those traits,” he replied, guileless.

She eyed him, suspicious. “But you wouldn’t mind me looking matronly, would you?” He raised his brows in apparent incomprehension, and she snorted. “Honestly, Sarek. It’s a commerce and trade promotion event. I don’t think anyone is going to make a pass at me there.”

_I have my doubts,_ he thought. His wife was always alluring, no matter what the circumstance, and there would be other males in attendance. His conclusion was obvious and logical.

Nonetheless, he could sense that her desire to wear the gown was genuine, even if it was a Human inclination he did not understand. He did not wish to displease her by insisting she do otherwise. As in times before, he would have to remain vigilant for any inappropriate behavior toward his bondmate. By now rather experienced at it, he was confident he was up to the task.

ooo

Timor Gregoravich was a man of few words and straightforward action. Mining was his business, plumbing the depths of distant worlds and asteroids for their deposits of rhodinium, trititanium, dilithium, or any of the many other minerals and compounds of use to the interstellar community. Now, standing awkwardly amidst the multi-species crowd at an event sponsored by the Vulcan government’s Secretariat for Interstellar Affairs, he was deeply resenting the “broadening assignment” his superiors had deemed he undertake in order to open markets for his company’s products on this unfamiliar world.

He had no idea where to begin. He hadn’t spent much time around Vulcans, and from what little he knew, he didn’t think their two cultures had that much in common. Not knowing which Vulcan to approach anyway, he hung back, wishing he had a real drink to nurse instead of the plain water that had been served, for some reason, with great ceremony. He was about to give up for the evening and return to his hotel when he spied his salvation.

A pretty blonde woman, hair upswept and wearing a blue gown, was carrying on a conversation with one of the Vulcan diplomats in attendance. He recognized the Vulcan from the newsfeeds as the head of the Secretariat, Vulcan’s Ambassador to the Federation. _She must work for the Secretariat,_ he thought. _Thank goodness, a Human to talk to, and one in touch with the higher-ups here._

Another Vulcan approached the pair and began talking to the ambassador, and the woman moved away.

He approached her.

“Excuse me, Miss…” Timor began.

Amanda took in the somewhat uncomfortable-looking Human and welcomed him with a smile. “Amanda Grayson,” she said. “What can I do for you?”

“Timor Gregoravich,” he replied, relieved and charmed by her familiar mannerisms. “I’m here on a business mission, and I don’t really know where to begin.”

“Well that’s what this event is all about, so you’re in the right place. What do you do, Mr. Gregoravich?”

Gregoravich explained his reasons for being on Vulcan, his company and its products, and Amanda helpfully provided him with several contacts within the Secretariat. She also suggested he check out a few Vulcan firms whose technologies could potentially improve aspects of his company’s operations.

Thinking of the amount of time he was going to spend on Vulcan and the attractive woman in front of him, the businessman hazarded a hopeful question. “Amanda, I appreciate how helpful you’ve been. Would it be inappropriate for me to take an employee of the Secretariat out to dinner as a way of saying thank you to her?” He gave her his most charming smile.

_You have no idea,_ Amanda thought before she gracefully declined. “Thank you for the offer, Mr. Gregoravich, but it wouldn’t be appropriate. I’m not an employee of the Secretariat.”

He was trying to puzzle that through when a shadow fell across them both.

_“Sarlah, Aduna.”_

Amanda looked toward the shadow. _“Ha, Adun.”_

Timor’s eyes widened in surprise as his new acquaintance reached to touch the outstretched fingers of the Vulcan ambassador.

“Best of luck with your business, Mr. Gregoravich. Live long and prosper,” she said before turning away with her obviously personal companion.

_I guess Vulcans and Humans have more in common than I thought,_ he mused in wonder.

Amanda glanced up as they walked away, and was surprised to see, instead of her husband’s face, his sharp profile as he aimed a pointed stare toward the man with whom she had just been conversing.

“Sarek, what are you doing?”

He returned his gaze to her, his expression innocently impassive. “My wife?”

“You gave that man the stink eye!”

“I did no such thing.”

“You don’t even know what I’m talking about, do you?”

Now curious enough to concede ignorance, he asked, “What, precisely, is a ‘stink eye’?”

“An evil eye, a dirty look… You were giving him one of your intimidating glares.”

“All of those terms unnecessarily imply emotion, Aduna. I was merely making myself clear. I deemed it appropriate, given the circumstances.”

Amanda rolled her eyes. They’d been over this territory, and now hopefully they had a better understanding of one another. “You’re such a _male_ ,” she complained.

“And who better to ascertain the motives of other males?” he rejoined, his logic triumphant. Then he continued, for they were still touching, _//I assume that is one attribute of mine you do not wish to change.//_

She smiled sweetly up at him. _//Believe it or not, I love you anyway.//_

ooo

He breathed deeply, his feet hitting the ground beneath him with satisfying certainty, drawn down firmly by the gravity of his birth planet. Sarek ran daily, each day farther across the sand and rock of his family’s lands, as he worked steadily to regain muscle mass lost after living decades away from Vulcan. This, added to his daily practice in any of several traditional martial arts, provided a vigorous conditioning program. Having followed the regimen recommended for off-planet members of the diplomatic corps in his years away, he was in excellent condition, relatively speaking, but there was always adjustment required once he returned home. He addressed that gap now in earnest, for he wanted to be fully fit in all respects as soon as possible. It was logical.

Sarek normally exercised in the very early morning, just as Alam’ak’s rays were peeking over the horizon and before Amanda awakened. Today, however, his schedule was altered and he took his daily run in the fading afternoon light instead. The early evening vistas were striking and held his attention even as the temperature began to drop. There was much beauty that he had appreciated elsewhere in the galaxy, but the distinctive color palette of Vulcan always resonated especially strongly with him. Its reds, oranges and ochres were now fading into purples, umbers and browns, the growing darkness of the shadows waging a temporarily victorious skirmish with the reluctantly dying flames of Alam’ak. The battle would be renewed again at sunrise.

It wasn’t until he heard the le-matya scream that he focused on his exact location. Chastising himself for his reverie and regaining his bearings, he ascertained that he had traveled an even farther distance than he had expected, and that he would now need to move with yet greater speed if he was to return to the fortress before darkness fell completely. Well before then he would need to take extra care to avoid the now-stirring nocturnal predators heralded by the cat’s hunting cry. Unlike so many of the more benign worlds he had visited in his duties, even brief inattention or lack of preparation on Vulcan could result in one’s demise from a wide variety of causes.

_No matter,_ he told himself. _I am home now, and it is well that I reacquaint myself with the skills that it demands._ Newly alert and attentive, he picked up his pace and headed for the fortress.

ooo

Returning to D’H’Riset without incident, he was surprised to find his _aduna_ at work by herself in the large _af’tum_ , evidently preparing some sort of repast. The kitchen staff were nowhere in evidence, and it was nearing time for end-meal.

His soft voice greeted her, “Have you dismissed T’Sirra, Aduna?”

“Sarek!” Amanda jumped and exclaimed, startled.

He raised a bemused brow. “You were expecting a different Vulcan diplomat?”

“You snuck up on me! I wasn’t expecting you so early. And I haven’t dismissed T’Sirra. I asked her to show me how to prepare some traditional dishes, and now I’m cooking you dinner. It’s Valentine’s Day on Earth,” she added as an explanation, standing on tiptoe to give him a peck on the cheek.

Unable to allow such a fusillade of illogical statements to go unremarked, Sarek responded. “There is no logical reason for me to approach you in a furtive manner, my wife. Just as there is no logic in you preparing end-meal for me on the occasion of an emotionally based Terran holiday. Especially when we have eminently qualified kitchen staff on hand to prepare sustenance for both of us, as well as several replicators.”

Amanda was not surprised by his reasoning, but was not about to let him completely disregard her romantic gesture, especially not on this occasion. “A more appropriate response, my husband,” she began drily, “would be ‘Thank you,’ or ‘How nice of you,’ or even ‘I love you, too, darling.’ I would have thought you would be aware of such niceties, with all of your experience among Humans.”

He pointedly surveyed the counter tops around her, cluttered with used dishes and utensils, partially prepared foodstuffs and soiled _pi’thek-sailar._ “To encourage such inefficient behavior with emotional remarks would represent even greater illogic.”

“Hey!” Amanda bristled, now a little piqued. “Don’t you dare criticize my efforts when you can’t cook at all!” she exclaimed, irritably twirling a kitchen towel at her side.

“I, at least, am aware of those circumstances where it is logical to delegate,” Sarek said. He turned, satisfied that in this debate, his logic had prevailed. Innocent of time-honored Terran methods of kitchen warfare, he was utterly unprepared for what happened next.

_Thwack!_

Amanda’s expertly aimed towel struck the heir to the clan of Surak squarely on his firm posterior. He froze. After the briefest of moments to smooth the surprise off his face, he straightened and turned back to her, his eyes reflecting a peculiar mixture of amusement and aggression.

“My wife?” he asked, one eyebrow raised in challenge. This was not Vulcan behavior. It was yet another action borne of the particularly Human, emotional impulses of his mate – unexpected yet demanding a response, even though he lacked clear guidelines for doing so. Such gestures of hers were grounded not just in one emotion but, in fact, multiple emotions, eliciting the peculiar push and pull between them that never failed to both mystify and fascinate him.

Amanda stood her ground, chin raised, towel at the ready. “That’s what you deserve, Mister, for being so obnoxious!” She secretly hoped she hadn’t crossed some behavioral line of which she was unaware. But instead of a lecture, her husband gave her a long-suffering look.

“Such violent tendencies,” he began. “I see that I was insufficiently warned regarding the perils of bonding with a Human. Fortunately,” he continued, his eyes subtly roving across the nearby surfaces, “as a diplomat I have learned that sometimes the only way to communicate effectively in such difficult circumstances is to…

“…contain the aggressor.” Swiftly seizing another towel, Sarek brandished it as he had seen Amanda do, although he had no intention of responding in kind. It was not the Vulcan way. Nevertheless, he advanced on his assailant, the longer reach of his arms and his faster reflexes giving him a decisive advantage.

Amanda squealed, undecided whether to stand and fight or flee.

About to capture his opponent and quite effectively put an end to the skirmish, Sarek found unexpected pleasure responding to his bondmate’s obviously facetious aggression. _Illogical, but nonetheless stimulating._

Then they both quite clearly heard the sound of a throat clearing from just outside the kitchen. The pair straightened at once and lowered their towels just as T’Sirra appeared in the kitchen doorway.

“Greetings, _S’haile, T’Sai,”_ the elderly chef said smoothly before addressing Amanda. “Do let me know, _T’Sai_ , if you encounter anything in the _af’tum_ that is not performing as it should.” With that, she glided toward the other door, a snow-white brow arched meaningfully at Sarek as she did so.

Amanda smirked. Sarek straightened still further, favoring both females with a stern, utterly humorless expression perfectly worthy of the heir of Surak.

ooo

End-meal was served later than expected. Amanda had thought, Vegetables are vegetables; how hard can they be to cook? While she was partially correct on that score, it was the subtle chemistry of one of the Vulcan flavorings, a deceptively delicate coulis, that caught her up, suddenly boiling and taking on a completely unexpected consistency – all over the cooking unit. She frantically worked to clean up the mess and complete the _klitanta s'mun t'forati,_ hoping T’Sirra would forgive her for anything she left behind.

Now sitting across from her husband, Amanda watched with interest as he took his first bite of the dish.

He looked up. “It is quite agreeable, _Aduna_. Nonetheless, I do not wish to create the erroneous impression that I believe you should be preparing meals. As I have stated, it is illogical.”

_Okay, I get that,_ she thought. _But I_ am _going to tease you for ignoring my Human holiday._

Amanda favored her stoic husband with a sly look. “Well, maybe I was just hoping that by serving you a meal, I’d get lucky tonight. That’s a Terran ‘tradition,’ of sorts, even older than Valentine’s Day,” she said, waggling her brows suggestively.

“I do not understand.”

“That’s too bad. I guess you won’t consider me entitled to take advantage of you later, then,” she drily informed him. At his perplexed look, Amanda laughed. “I’m joking. Not that long ago on Earth, men often felt entitled to take a woman to bed if they took her out to dinner.”

Sarek drew up, but his comment about the barbarous nature of Human males died on his lips as a sudden realization hit. His control forestalled any outward expression of it, but he was unsuccessful at smothering a rising sense of mortification. _She was my guest at eighty-seven dinners before we bonded. Could my actions have been construed as something so improper?_ Somehow, she had agreed to become his wife in spite of what was potentially a substantial, and repeated, _faux pas_ in his courting of her.

“Amanda,” he began, carefully setting down his utensil, “did you perceive… that I…?” He halted momentarily, recollecting. “Surely my research could not have been so in error,” he murmured.

Now it was Amanda’s turn to be perplexed. “What is it, Sarek?” She had no idea why he suddenly looked so somber.

Regardless of how the error had been made, there was only one logical response: make the necessary amends. “I regret that my actions may have erroneously indicated less-than-honorable intentions toward you, _Aduna_. I beg forgiveness,” he informed her solemnly.

“Sarek, what are you talking about?”

The couple stared at one another over their meal, each uncomprehending of the other. Sarek tried again, in his most formal diplomatic tones, “I regret that you may have had cause to interpret some of my invitations to dine as improper attempts to engage in intimate activity. It was not my intention. I am, however, gratified that you apparently chose to overlook--”

Amanda’s eyes widened in shock. “What? Oh, for Pete’s sake, no, Sarek!” she exclaimed, unable to refrain from interrupting him. “I was only joking about an outmoded attitude harbored by some people on Earth a few centuries ago. I never perceived anything like that from you! Of course not,” she said, now embarrassed herself at his misunderstanding of her teasing.

Sarek raised an eyebrow as he sat back, his heretofore-unflappable demeanor restored. “Indeed. That is, as you say, good news. It would have been unprecedented for my conduct to have been so inappropriate.”

She reached across the table to offer him her two fingers. “My poor _adun_ ,” she murmured.

Now Sarek’s other brow climbed upward even as he joined his fingers to hers. “There is no need for excessive emotion, my wife,” he said offhandedly, returning to his meal.

Amanda just shook her head.

ooo

They had finished end meal in contented silence before Sarek drew his wife’s attention again.

_“Aduna.”_

Amanda looked up. “I would like to rectify a matter that has been overlooked recently.”

“What is that, my husband?” she asked, hoping it wasn’t yet another cultural misinterpretation for them to hash their way through.

“Eight point four seven months ago, I proposed that, when you were ready to do so, we would consult with a team of hybridologists at the Academy to discuss the matter of a child. While we have had other concerns of late, I now wish to inquire if you would be agreeable.”

Sarek was as impassive as ever, but Amanda’s breath caught. “Oh Sarek,” she breathed, “Are you saying you want us to try for a baby?”

“I believe that is the question I am asking you.”

“Oh yes, my husband,” she whispered, blinking back tears. “I want to, and I’d like to learn what it will take. I very much want to,” she repeated, holding his gaze and again reaching for his fingers. She had resolved her earlier fears about genetic engineering – another misconception – and she wanted him to know.

Sarek blinked slowly as he felt her thoughts and emotions rush through their bond, and he released a wave of warmth and satisfaction back to her.

“Excellent,” he murmured. “I shall arrange a meeting.”

ooo

Before that meeting could occur, however, Sarek was summoned to another.

“Sarek, thou must explain thy behavior.”

He found himself standing once again before T’Pau over yet another infraction, this time one of which he was unaware. At times, being the heir to the clan of Surak had its disadvantages.

“Specify,” he responded.

“Thy healer at the Terran embassy reports that thee are utilizing bio-chemicals to prevent the conception of offspring by thy bondmate. Explain.”

Sarek blinked slowly, several times, in an effort not to react further. Such an invasion of privacy was most unprecedented, and he knew full well that none of his embassy staff – in this case, T’Alen – would voluntarily disclose such personal information… except when the Matriarch demanded it. It was a given that if T’Pau required some knowledge, there was a logical reason for it.

He took a breath. “The healer recommended doing so, and I concurred.”

“Why is this?” T’Pau asked sharply.

“ _T’Sai_ Amanda… lost a pregnancy early in its term. _Hakausu_ T’Alen hypothesizes that genetic intervention will be necessary for her to successfully carry a hybrid child. Until the specifics of such intervention can be agreed upon and I am satisfied that attempting such a pregnancy will not endanger my bondmate, this is prudent and logical.”

“The cycle of self-aborting conceptions has repeated itself.”

“Yes.” Sarek’s reply was clipped. T’Pau had evidently reviewed T’Alen’s full report.

T’Pau leaned forward, and her voice was quiet but unmistakably firm. “I grieve with thee. However, I need not remind thee of thy duty to thy clan. To Vulcan.”

Her son straightened further, meeting her eyes with an implacable stare. “I am aware of my duty, _pid-kom_.” It was his duty as heir to produce the next heir. Procreation was a high priority to all Vulcans, given their chronically low birthrates, and it was especially a priority for the clan of Surak, the traditional ruling clan of Vulcan since that great leader’s time. He did hope to produce offspring with Amanda, so as long as an interspecies pregnancy did not pose risks to her. Sarek therefore anticipated that he would fulfill his duty. However, if there were, in fact, risks that could not be circumvented by science, this was one duty he would pass on to his younger brother. It was a logical contingency plan.

That is, he thought it was until T’Pau spoke again. “You were aware there were risks in bonding with a Human. Precautions must be taken.”

“I will consult the healers to ensure that she can be safe during a pregnancy,” Sarek asserted. But he had misinterpreted T’Pau’s concern.

“Hear me, Sarek,” T’Pau demanded. “You do not recall the reality of the Fires. You may find yourself in need of another bondmate when there is no time to select one.

“If you cannot produce an heir with your Human bondmate, you must have an alternative. I require your input,” she continued, looking at him expectantly. “I am preparing a list of suitable females to serve as surrogates or replacements should the Human prove unable, or fail to survive -- ”

“No!” Sarek remained still, but his eyes blazed at the unexpected threat to his wife and his marriage bond. “She is mine, my bonded mate,” he hissed, clenching his fists at his side. “I will not take another!”

_“Kroykah!”_ T’Pau exclaimed at his outburst. “Thee will do thy duty,” she commanded coldly, “and thee will remain in control.”

Sarek regained his composure, but stared stonily at his _pid-kom_ , unrepentant. “There is no logic in what you contemplate.”

T’Pau’s return volley was swift and hard. “There is no logic in allowing you to die, heirless, due to a flawed, emotional choice.”

“My choice was logical,” he replied, eyes flashing again. Then he challenged, using the same formal Vulcan tongue as his mother. “Has thee already judged my bondmate and found her unworthy, even though thou has said thee would withhold such judgment for a time?”

The matriarch stared back at her angry son, unfazed. “This is no judgment -- yet. It is my duty, to prepare logically for such contingencies as may arise.”

“And what of Silek? He is capable of providing an heir,” Sarek contended, continuing to argue.

“Silek is Silek,” T’Pau replied, unmoved, “but _you_ are the heir to the S’chn T’Gai. It remains your duty. It is not logical to abandon the primary so swiftly.”

Sarek’s dark eyes met hers meaningfully. “Indeed, it is not logical to abandon with so little consideration the one who has been chosen. Amanda is mine.”

“Do not forget thyself, Sarek,” T’Pau’s stern voice warned.

“I never have,” he replied, unyielding as ever.

After stiffly excusing himself, Sarek departed still wrestling with the concern and primitive agitation the confrontation had generated. As shocking as T’Pau’s words were, inwardly Sarek knew that she was simply doing what was required of a matriarch to ensure the continuance of the clan leadership. It also occurred to him that she was attempting to protect his life, but he dismissed that concern as unnecessary and therefore illogical.

He understood his duty to his clan equally well; yet he was unwilling to risk Amanda -- or their marriage -- by attempting to fulfill it under any circumstance. As the direct descendant of Surak, he had duties that logically he should fulfill, for the sake of his people. Yet even this deeply ingrained sense of responsibility balked at the idea of putting his bondmate at risk. And setting her aside for another was simply out of the question. She was his. _Somehow, I must keep her safe, for that, too, is not only logical, but necessary._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> af’tum – kitchen   
> “Ha, Adun.” – “Yes, my husband.”  
> klitanta s'mun t'forati – a Vulcan main dish, kleetanta with foranti sauce  
> “Kroykah” – “Halt! Stop!” Imperative demanding that one stop whatever one is doing. Ancient, conditioned command designed to elicit compliance even from males in pon farr.  
> le-matya – wild, panther-like predator; poisonous  
> pi’thek-sailar - kitchen towels. Literally: ”small clothes to catch spills”  
> “Sarlah, Aduna.” - “My wife, attend.”


	27. Kol-ut-shan

It was not many days later when Amanda and Sarek arrived at a section of the S _hi'Oren t'Ek'Tallar T'Khasi_ that she had not yet visited, the medical complex. A high-tech, modern set of buildings, the interior seemed to match the outside as they walked down the long, gleaming and silent corridors to their destination, the research lab of Healer Sorel and Doctor Daniel Corrigan. As soon as they stepped inside, though, Amanda was struck by the contrast between this workspace here in the _shi'has_ and one in a typical Terran research center or hospital.

There was a large, sterile-looking area outfitted with rows of advanced medical equipment, but there was also another, adjacent space with a much more quiet, organic feel to it. It reminded her of Sarek’s meditation chamber – and then she remembered how much of Vulcan medicine was based in telepathy, and how only those who were highly gifted in the mind arts typically became healers. T’Alen’s infirmary back at the embassy in San Francisco was a much smaller, more compact version of this.

She was in the midst of this comparison when the two scientists with whom they were meeting appeared. Even as they exchanged greetings, she could see the pair observing them inquisitively – _Just as curious as we are about them,_ she realized.

The study in contrasts that was the Sorel-Corrigan team was immediately apparent. The one called Sorel was tall, thin, and somber-looking, even for a Vulcan, his reserve offset by the gregariousness of his Human colleague. Sorel appeared to be about the same age as Sarek, but it was hard to tell. By comparison, Daniel Corrigan was short, stocky, perhaps in his mid-thirties, balding -- and perpetually smiling.

Sorel spoke first, greeting them formally in a soft, even voice. His calm, deep-set, black eyes were fathomless. “Greetings, _S’haile_ and _T’Sai_. You honor us with your presence. We come to serve.”

“ _Hakausu_ , Doctor, your service honors us,” Sarek returned. Then he turned toward Amanda, fingers extended. “She who is my wife.”

Amanda came forward, joining her husband in the _oz’hesta_ , and nodding to the two men. “Amanda,” she said simply.

The Human doctor stepped up excitedly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both, Ambassador,” he said, nodding respectfully toward Sarek. “And Doctor Amanda Grayson!” he exclaimed, obviously more interested in making her acquaintance. “I am pleased to meet my one and only Human colleague at the Science Academy,” he said, grasping her hand for a quick but enthusiastic handshake. “A comrade!”

To the untrained eye, the two Vulcans did not react, but Amanda saw them both stiffen. She braced herself for Sarek’s reaction through the bond, and wondered for a moment if this meeting was over before it had even begun.

To her pleasant surprise, almost nothing happened. She saw Sarek cast a meaningful glance toward Sorel, as in _please restrain your colleague,_ and Sorel lowered his chin almost imperceptibly in the affirmative. Corrigan appeared not to notice, busily asking Amanda about her experience at the VSA and on Vulcan so far.

 _Whew_ , Amanda thought. While she returned Corrigan’s pleasantries, Sorel wordlessly drew them into the meditation area for their discussion.

Once there, Sarek cleared his throat to address the physicians. “My _aduna_ and I are here to inquire about the potentiality of Earth-Vulcan hybrid offspring.” Although Amanda thought she heard a slight emphasis on ‘my _aduna_ ,’ she let it go. _We’ve come a long way,_ she thought.

“Ah, yes!” Corrigan returned with eagerness. “We received your inquiry, as well as the results of your recent physicals. You are each in excellent health; congratulations!” He beamed at the pair a moment before continuing. “The bulk of our work so far has been with hybrids of species whose blood cells share a dominant element – iron or copper, for example. We’ve worked successfully with Rigellian-Vulcan hybrids and with Human-Betazoid hybrids. Recently, though, we have” – and now Corrigan’s smile broadened -- “anticipated the need to develop an algorithm for a Vulcan-Human combination, and so that’s where our current research is focused.”

Sarek briefly speculated at the control required of his peer to interact so closely on a regular basis with such an emotional Human. It did not even occur to him to compare Corrigan to Amanda. Their situation was different. She was his.

Sorel, meanwhile, stepped in to continue his colleague’s discourse. “This presents a more difficult problem. According to our models, 79.47% of theoretical combinations of Vulcan and Human gametes will fail to join viably due to their significantly differing properties. Of the 20.53% that form zygotes, we estimate approximately 63.55% will be rejected by the mother’s autoimmune system. The remaining 7.48% represent hypothetically viable conceptions. These rates can be improved with in-vitro fertilization, although this procedure adds to the invasiveness of the overall process for the mother.

“Regardless of how the fertilizations are accomplished, they will continue to develop for no more than 32 days in a Human mother and up to 26 days in a Vulcan mother. These embryos will abort at the end of this time as they cannot continue to develop primary organs, due to blood metal differences and other factors.”

Silence followed Sorel’s recitation of these grim odds for a moment before Sarek, his voice carefully even, stated, “The prognosis is negative at this time, then.”

“Oh, no, not at all!” Corrigan exclaimed, jumping in. “The probabilities are low, but we have isolated the incompatibilities between the two species’ genetic codes, and we’ve developed a roadmap for resolving them.”

He activated an animated display behind him to illustrate his explanation. Holograms of two double helixes, one Vulcan, one Human, appeared, each splitting in half as they would in reproductive cells. Then two halves combined, their incompatibilities highlighted.

To Amanda, the number of highlighted areas seemed dauntingly large. Taking a breath, she reminded herself that this branch of science was considerably different from hers and that she should not let herself get discouraged just yet.

The scientist in Sarek was intrigued, however. “And what is the method for resolving these incompatibilities?” he asked, scrutinizing the holo-display. “We would employ nano-surgery to adjust the chromosomal surfaces,” Sorel replied. “The embryo would be removed from the mother’s body at this time, and replaced after the surgery was complete. Then, assuming the mother is Human, as in this case, the fetus would again be removed at what would be term for a Human and incubated externally for the remaining four months of a normal Vulcan gestation.”

Sarek cocked one brow in that gesture that indicated he was intensely curious, drawn as he was to evaluate the hologram and accompanying screens of code.

In contrast, Amanda’s eyes widened, becoming huge, and she swallowed, hard. This very much appeared to involve genetic engineering.

Corrigan was the first to notice her alarm. “It’s not what you’re thinking, Amanda,” he hurried to reassure her. “There’s no optimization, except in the sense that we’re enabling the organism’s genes to combine in a manner able to sustain life. We don’t enhance – or diminish – any specific traits.”

Amanda looked thoughtful but not fully convinced.

Sorel spoke up. “ _T’Sai_ Amanda, I believe I understand your concern, given your planet’s history. My colleague speaks truthfully: we do not engineer for specific traits beyond compatibility with life itself. I would consider doing so a violation of the principle of _kol-ut-shan_ , of IDIC, as we would be artificially constraining the potential diversity of a individual living being’s unique characteristics.”

Raising his head from closely examining the displays, Sarek added, “I concur, my wife, if I am interpreting these schema correctly.” He then turned to the doctors. “I understand that the process is theoretically possible. What are the risks to the mother?”

“The process is not without risks, _S’haile_ ,” Sorel began. “While we do not have recent clinical data on the potential adverse side effects of a Vulcan-Human pregnancy specifically, we hypothesize that _khaf-gisaman_ , or sepsis, and _pla-wadi-nosh_ , or cyanosis, are two of the most likely, given the incompatibilities between Human hemoglobin and Vulcan hemocyanin in the blood. Acupria or anemia is also likely. Autoimmune malfunction is a risk to the mother and the fetus.

“Of particular risk to a Human mother is _ritsuri-masu-hoknaya t’k'kan'es_ , or preeclampsia, which can become life-threatening if not closely monitored. Gestational diabetes, while a theoretical risk, should be avoided with the proper diet. Also, an ongoing condition of _lak'tra_ can develop – I believe the Terran term is ‘depression’ – with potentially grave effects on both mother and child. There may be as-yet unknown metabolic complications. Finally, there is the inevitable strain on a Human body carrying a Vulcan/Human fetus in Vulcan’s higher gravity and lower oxygen environment, even as these conditions are necessary for a Vulcan hybrid’s normal development. As a summary, this is not an exhaustive or precise listing of potential risks, but I have captured the majority,” Sorel calmly concluded.

Sarek had returned to Amanda’s side, and now was staring down at her, his expression intense but unreadable.

Amanda, in contrast to him and to her earlier concern regarding genetic engineering, appeared unperturbed. “Those are risks,” she agreed, “but most of them sound similar to what I would experience if I were pregnant with an entirely Human child.”

“What is the projected maternal death rate?” Sarek asked, his neutral tone masking his growing apprehension.

“I estimate 4.637%,” Sorel replied. This was orders of magnitude higher than either typical Human or Vulcan maternal mortality rates, which were typically measured in the thousandths of a percentage.

Sarek drew up, now obviously concerned by the healer’s analysis. “Would not an entirely in vitro procedure be a more logical approach?” he asked.

“While this approach has worked with some species, we wouldn’t advise it in this case,” Corrigan replied, apologetic.

“Explain.”

Sorel stepped in. “At issue is the telepathic development of a hybrid Vulcan mind. An artificial incubation environment can be developed to provide for the physical needs of a developing fetus. However, a _tenkan_ requires access to a parental mind to develop its emerging _irak-nahanik_ abilities during the second trimester. Vulcan medical science has not advanced sufficiently to provide this externally from the mother during this early period.”

“I’m not a telepath, though,” Amanda said, and she held her breath, wondering if their quest for a child of their own would end here.

“It is not the mother who needs to reach out to the child,” Sorel clarified. “It is the child who requires another mind to touch, in order for its own mental potential to develop properly.”

Amanda breathed a sigh of relief. “So I could carry my child,” she said.

“My wife, I am not yet satisfied that the level of risk is tolerable,” Sarek warned.

Amanda turned to Corrigan and Sorel, determined. “I assume I’d be monitored for just about everything?” she asked. The two doctors looked at each other, jointly evaluating. She continued, “So if anything started to go wrong, you could intervene?”

“Extensive monitoring would be a logical precaution,” Sorel said, meeting Sarek’s eyes. He, too, understood the instinctive reluctance to expose a bondmate to harm, even for procreation’s sake. “Of course, this would not remove all risk,” he concluded.

“But it would be an appropriate way to be on guard for most of the known hazards,” Corrigan put in with optimism, having no idea of the intense male Vulcan risk aversion he confronted. “And we can minimize some of the potential complications through nutrition beforehand,” he added, picking up a PADD.

Amanda sensed that Sarek was about to shut down the discussion given the risks they’d uncovered, so she quickly asked, “What sorts of nutritional supplementation is needed, Doctor?” She could feel Sarek’s stare boring down at the top of her head, but she ignored it.

“Call me Daniel, please,” Corrigan replied. “Addressing each other as ‘Doctor’ seems unnecessary, especially when we are the only two Human ‘Doctors’ on Vulcan.” He chuckled, not noticing that his friendliness had managed to divert Sarek’s disapproving attention from Amanda to himself.

The Vulcan waited, prepared to issue a reprimand if the doctor was again overly familiar with his bondmate.

“We’ll formulate a series of supplements for you containing these compounds,” the doctor said, showing her the PADD, “and we’ll also create a dietary program for you, to ensure that you get as many of these as possible naturally.” Corrigan continued, again referring to the PADD, “And for you, Ambassador…”

Sarek’s brows rose, distracted and not expecting this. This amused Amanda, thinking it was both Vulcan and male pride driving his surprise. She was about to tease him for it when Corrigan spoke again to her husband.

“We’ll formulate these into a complementary set of supplements for you. And obviously, you’ll have to stop those contraceptive doses.”

Amanda’s jaw dropped. “Stop those _what? Sarek?”_

For a long moment the room was awkwardly silent before Sarek, unruffled, began to explain. “You will recall, my wife, that Healer T’Alen recommended precisely such a measure on Stardate –”

“We were supposed to _discuss_ it!” Amanda exclaimed heatedly. “Not have you unilaterally –”

“Amanda, Ambassador –”

 _“My wife.”_ Sarek’s voice remained quiet and measured even as he cut Corrigan off, but there was no mistaking his commanding undertone.

Amanda just stared at him in affronted disbelief.

The two healers, noting the sudden personal dispute erupting in front of them, quickly glanced at one another for confirmation and then simultaneously moved toward the door to give the couple privacy.

Sarek ignored their departure, focused on his bondmate. His penetrating stare met hers. “You recall T’Alen’s strong recommendation to us. Did you think that I would simply stand by and allow actions between us to cause you harm? I will not have you suffer additional pregnancy losses due to inaction on my part. Nor will I tolerate you taking on the additional risks you contemplate here. The _tehn’sanei_ is a logical solution.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t talk to me about it first!”

“It was my decision to make.”

Amanda’s eyes narrowed. “So,” she said quietly, a dangerous edge to her voice now, “you get to decide what to do with your body but I don’t get to decide what to do with mine?”

“It is my duty to keep you safe.”

 _Oh, no you don’t._ “Sarek, this is not just your decision!” She cried, exasperated. “Am I your wife or not?!”

Once again, Sarek found himself confused by his Terran mate. “Of course you are my wife, Amanda. I do not understand.”

Amanda took a deep breath, striving for calm. “Sarek, if we are husband and wife together, then we should make important decisions – like when and how to have a family – _together_. Which, by the way, is a _concession_ on my part that you would do well to appreciate.”

Sarek’s brows flew up.

Amanda continued. “Were we not married and I got pregnant, it would be my decision whether to have the baby – or not – and how to raise it. And I did not turn over those rights to my body when I married you.” She stared up at him, undaunted by his severe expression, daring him to disagree.

He considered her strong words for a moment. She was emotional, yes, and while he did not concur with her on all points, he also sensed that her convictions were quite firm on this subject. A Vulcan couple would never have this conversation for so many reasons. Yet, he had not married a Vulcan; he had, in fact, deliberately chosen her over many Vulcan women, even with – _or was it because of?_ \-- her undeniably Human characteristics.

Further, in spite of the ingrained discomfort it caused him, her logic was… reasonable. It was, in fact, logical that they both have a say in decisions about creating a family, as their hybrid offspring would require parenting from each of them. While he was clearly less sanguine about the risks Amanda would face in a hybrid pregnancy than she was, he had to concede to the logic that the decision was not unilaterally his to make. He looked back down at her, and when he spoke his voice was soft. “My wife, you are most ungovernable.”

“You bet. That’s why you love me.”

“You are also a most illogical Human.”

“I love you, too, you know.”

He ignored the suggestion of emotion on his part, deciding instead to offer her the _oz’hesta_. “I will not foolishly risk you, Aduna,” he stated firmly. “I would, however, be… willing to discuss moving forward, provided that we can agree on the precautions to be taken to ensure your safety.”

Amanda beamed up at him. “I think we can reach such an agreement, _Adun_. Besides,” she continued, recalling that very first conversation with T’Pau, “I’m not going to be responsible for you shirking your duty to your clan if I can help it.”

He looked at her, puzzled.

“It’s your duty to provide the next generation of S’chn T’Gai leadership, isn’t it?”

Sarek silently lowered his forehead to hers. Observing Amanda’s obvious willingness – indeed, enthusiasm – for bearing him a child, in spite of the risks to her, caused him to confront an array of familiar yet still confounding emotions. That she would do this for him, for their family… _It is truly an expression of IDIC._ He quickly suppressed the troublesome affectivity that accompanied the thought.

“Indeed, my wife, it is our duty,” he murmured in reply, “and the embodiment of IDIC.”

He felt a wave of her warmth through their touch.

“Yes, my husband, it is.”

They remained in silence for a few minutes until a subtle throat-clearing sound reminded them that they were not alone in the Universe.

Sarek discreetly stepped away from his wife and looked up to meet Sorel’s eyes as the healer slowly re-entered the meditation room from the lab, followed by Corrigan. He straightened, hands behind his back, and addressed the pair as he knew he needed to do. “ _Hakausular_ , we ask forgiveness,” he intoned solemnly. Beside him, Amanda flushed in wordless agreement.

“There is no need,” Sorel responded. “These topics can sometimes spawn discussion. Be assured: within these walls, all is silent.” Corrigan nodded his concurrence, still eyeing the couple with some trepidation.

Bowing his head briefly in acknowledgment, Sarek returned to the matter at hand. Addressing Corrigan, he said, “We will proceed with the nutritional regimen you recommend. We will then discuss the specifics of the monitoring and safety protocols to be put in place for my wife.”

The smile returned to Corrigan’s face. “Of course. Glad to get you started on that, Ambassador!” Then a thought occurred to him and he added, even as he hesitated to bring the subject up again, “Er, you should probably continue that contraceptive course for another thirty days or so, to allow the supplemental compounds to build up in your systems. I’ll give you a round of suppressors to take at that time to eliminate any lingering fertility effects.”

No conflagration resulted this time, and the Human doctor was relieved.

A lull in the conversation ensued as both doctors stepped aside to replicate the needed supplements.

Sarek turned to Amanda again, re-joining his fingers to hers. “I… regret not informing you of the _tehn’sanei_ , Aduna,” he murmured quietly.

The remaining tension she’d been holding drained from her body. “Thank you, Adun,” she replied, her eyes soft.

At that moment Sorel returned with a small carry bag. While the healer gave instructions for its contents, Sarek mused. Although disarmingly innocuous, the hypo-spray pack contained the potential to fundamentally change their lives. And as he watched his young wife try but fail to conceal her excitement at the prospect while she eagerly asked questions of the healers, he was struck again by waves of those powerful, perplexing emotions.

 _It is gratifying to pursue such a worthy exemplification of_ kol-ut-shan _with she-who-is-my-bondmate, and it is logical,_ he told himself as he once again wrestled with the tumultuous feelings. _I am Vulcan, and I am in control._

Equanimity soon restored, he stood placidly listening to the remainder of the discussion. He did, however, wish to mate with her as soon as the opportunity presented itself. It was only logical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 1) I chose to use the process referenced in “Interview between Ambassador Sarek and Gene Roddenberry,” [transcript here: mailto:http://archiveofourown.org/works/730958]. Since it was recorded by Gene Roddenberry and Mark Lenard, I figured it was as close to TOS canon as I could get.
> 
> A/N 2) Healer Sorel and Doctor Daniel Corrigan are the creations of Jean Lorrah, and they are gratefully re-created here
> 
> Hakausular – Healers  
> irak-nahanik – telepathic (of or pertaining to telepathy)  
> shi'has – hospital  
> tenkan – fetus  
> tehn’sanei - sperm anti-agent (male contraceptive)


	28. Interesting Times

Those thirty days passed quickly for the young couple, Amanda getting ready for her first day of teaching at the VSA and Sarek continuing his diplomatic work while also preparing to be installed on the Vulcan High Council. 

“I wish I could be there to see the council ceremony,” Amanda had told him. The investiture proceeding was to occur during her second day of teaching; there really wasn’t a practical way she could attend.

Sarek had tipped his chin in what was a shrug for a Vulcan, unconcerned.  “There will be recordings made. However, the session is largely a formality,” he had said. “This first day the new council members are introduced and approved by a vote of the existing council. The actual work of the newly constituted council will not begin until the first day of next month, _K'riBrax_.”

“But I thought your council position was a hereditary one?”

“By tradition, it is. The vote exists to allow the council to act in the unlikely event that a clan proposes an unsuitable candidate for its council seat. Although such a thing has not happened in millennia, before the Reforms were fully solidified in Vulcan society, it was indeed a concern.”

“That makes sense; it was a period of political turmoil.”

“Yes. You will recall the _Seheikk'he_ , the Sundered. This group opposed the teachings of Surak, and they attempted to influence the council choices of several clans during that time, before they ultimately departed from Vulcan.”

“Whatever happened to the _Seheikk'he,_ my husband? I don’t recall reading anything about them after they left Vulcan.”

“It is unknown, my wife, although scholars still seek to learn. The _Seheikk'he_ chose to leave –or perhaps felt forced to do so –because they did not believe they could exist as an outcast minority on Vulcan once Surak’s teachings took hold. All contact with them ceased after they departed, hence their name in our history. Our historians have not yet discovered whether the travelers survived to establish a colony on a new world somewhere, or if they instead perished _en route_.”

“What a fascinating mystery. But none of that kind of dissent these days, hmm?”

“None to such an extent. Surak’s disciplines have endured, and Vulcan has been at peace for five thousand years,” Sarek concluded gravely. Then his expression lightened, and he had gently stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. “In fact, I believe that Surak’s peace is even strong enough that my unorthodox choice of a Human wife will not shake it to its foundations,” he said, drily teasing her as his thoughts moved from history to the present. There might be a question or two from a few of the council members, but he was confident that his logic would lay the subject to rest.  Their bond was a worthy example of IDIC.

“Are you sure about that, my husband?” Amanda had teased him in turn. “You had better hope I behave myself so you don’t have a scandal on your hands, _Shikh-Ornavensu_ Sarek.”

“Behave yourself, my wife?” he replied, his large hands encircling her waist. “At this moment, I am hoping that you do not,” he murmured, lowering his mouth to hers.

ooo

Amanda idly recalled the conversation from a few days prior while updating Marcia on her new life on Vulcan via a rare subspace call.  If the last period of political upheaval had been that long ago, it was no wonder Vulcans saw Earth as chaotic. The society here was incredibly stable. Although she still believed Sarek was alarmist with respect to the risks she faced as his wife on her home planet, in observing the contrast with Vulcan she could understand more his belief that she was safer here.

“So ’Manda,” her old friend was saying, “what you’re tellin’me is that you live in a castle, you’ve got guards and servants, and you got there havin’ been carried off by your husband who turns out to be some sort of prince. Sounds like either you’re living some kind of fairy tale, or you’re tryin’ to make a fool of me. You’re in big trouble if it’s the latter ’stead of the former!”

Amanda laughed at Marcia’s assessment.  “Bite your tongue,”she replied. “Most Earth fairy tales are cautionary in some way.”

“Whatever you say, _Kunga_.”

They chatted for a bit longer while Amanda enjoyed the sight of her prince, at the moment outside on the terrace with I-Chaya. He had said that he was “training” the sehlat, but as far as Amanda was concerned, they were playing.

And as she watched him, leaping and dodging in a mock battle with the huge –but unnervingly fast – animal, she couldn’t help but notice the agility and grace with which he did so, almost as if gravity could not weigh him down. She also observed as he jumped and flexed that he’d bulked up somewhat since their return, his musculature still lean but now more pronounced.  _He_ _’_ _s re-acclimating well._ As was she.  She would never achieve Vulcan strength, she knew, but it was gradually getting easier to move in the heavier gravity and breathe in the thinner air.

Sensing the contentment she had by now learned to recognize through their bond, she realized, _He_ _’_ _s happy to be home_.  The move to Vulcan, while never actually in question for them, was also starting to feel right to her, coming into sync with the decision she had made to do so when they first bonded.

_Are we settling in?_ _It seems that we are._ If so, they were accomplishing the unprecedented in an astonishingly brief amount of time, given the unusual aspects of their marriage.

Continuing to admire Sarek’s elegant form, and now impatient that he abandon the game he was playing with the sehlat in favor of a new one, one with her, Amanda slipped out the terrace door.

ooo

Her first day of actual teaching had arrived. After weeks of preparation and anticipation, Amanda was eager to get on with it –she wanted to find out how VSA students, almost all Vulcan, would react to her.  While she hadn’t experienced any more overt hostility like Sofek’s, and while Vulcan students and faculty seemed to take no particular notice of her in the halls of the VSA, when she observed carefully she could see the curious looks as well as the confusion at seeing a Human in Vulcan teaching robes.  She prepared for a variety of reactions, knowing she would need to convey herself as highly competent and confident, even while heat and gravity would literally be weighing her down.

One thing she was definitely not expecting was a packed teaching room.  Her seminar, “Interlinguistic and Translingual Approaches to Interspecies Sentient Communication,” was an upper-level class, certainly not appropriate for more than a dozen students at the _shik_ _’_ _oren_.  At least thirty Vulcan students and one Rigellian stood waiting expectantly for her.

Surprised but unfazed, Amanda addressed the class. _“_ _Dif-tor heh smusma, o-orensular_. _Ahmau t_ _’_ _nashveh Savensu Grayson._ ” She then proceeded to outline the seminar, its prerequisites and its requirements.  “Can I answer any questions about what I’ve told you?” she asked.

There was a brief silence before one student spoke up.  Wearing the traditional student’s garb, he looked about Amanda’s age, but could have easily been twice that. “You are Human, _Savensu_?” he asked.

_All right, let_ _’_ _s get this out of the way,_ Amanda thought to herself. “Yes, I am Human. I was a professor, a teacher, on Earth when I was offered a position here at the _shik_ _’_ _oren_.”

She could see on the faces of several students that, despite their control, they had more questions, but were likely hesitating because their queries were of a personal nature.  _I can understand that they_ _’_ _re curious_ , she thought, and then spoke again. “I moved to Vulcan from Earth with my bondmate. Are there any questions about the seminar?”

Several eyebrows rose at her use of the term “bondmate.” Another pregnant pause, and a young woman in the back raised her voice to bluntly declare, “Humans do not bond. They have no psi capability.”

_Here we go, then_. Her voice patient, she replied, “That statement is not entirely true; there is a small proportion of the Human population who possess various abilities in the psi range.  In my case, though, my bondmate is Vulcan.”

The fine flutter of movement in the room revealed varying reactions that the students either failed or did not attempt to conceal. Some clearly exhibited surprise at her improbable statement, while for others, it appeared to confirm something.

This time a different student, standing near the first questioner, spoke up.  “You are the one who is consort of _S_ _’_ _haile_ Sarek?”

_Who says Vulcans don_ _’_ _t discuss the personal information of others?_ Amanda wondered.  “I am the wife of _S_ _’_ _haile_ Sarek,” she corrected firmly, “and as this information is not relevant to the subject I will be teaching, I will not be discussing it further.”

Several students began talking amongst themselves, and she was tempted to consult the class roster in order to separate those who had actually registered for the class from those who were there out of curiosity or worse. She stopped herself from doing so, however, not wanting to appear to be retreating from a confrontation. Intuition told her that showing weakness here would be unwise.

Her attention was drawn to two students engrossed in an intense conversation near the doorway.  She could only catch a few of the words – _“_ _Komihn,_ _”_ _“_ _dvinsu,_ _”_ and a phrase containing _“_ _dutar_ _”_ – but they were enough to give her a pretty good idea of what was being said.  _They probably don_ _’_ _t realize how fluent in_ Vulkansu _I am_ , she thought, annoyed by their arrogance.

 “Is that your presumption? That I must only be a servant to the ambassador because I am Human?” Amanda asked with a thin smile.  “There is a saying among Humans about making such assumptions. Take this class, and I will teach you what it is.” Amanda leveled a challenging gaze at the two debating students, who were now staring at her with expressions she could not classify.

Her assertion immediately split the assembled group into two distinct groups.  The majority turned toward the exit to file out, clearly having no intention of taking the seminar. A smaller group moved forward and remained, confirming their interest in the subject matter.

The two singled-out students looked around for a moment, considering, before for one them stepped forward, accepting Amanda’s challenge. His companion left.

_This is going to be an interesting teaching term,_ she thought to herself, reminded of the bygone Chinese curse, “May you live in interesting times.”

ooo

Amanda returned to her office, spent. As she did so, she saw that T’Grel had arrived in her own office with what appeared to be another collection of artifacts.  Curious and momentarily envious of her colleague’s research-heavy workload after the trying classroom session, Amanda found herself drawn over.

T’Grel had set a large, clear box on the work area table and was drawing the items within out one by one while she made notations on a PADD.  Amanda knew her colleague studied Reform-era history, but she was unfamiliar with the markings she observed on several of the artifacts.

“These look interesting, T’Grel,”she said.

The Vulcan woman did not look up when she replied, “Yes. They are quite interesting.”

Amanda smiled to herself, knowing by now that that was as much of an invitation to converse as she was going to get. “I haven’t seen these markings before,”she continued, indicating a series of wing-like markings on some scrolls.  “What do they mean?”

Now T’Grel looked up. “These are writings of a group that opposed Surak’s Reforms during the Awakening. This emblem here represents their designation for themselves, ‘those who march beneath the raptor’s wing.’The group venerated military ideals,”she added.

“No wonder they opposed Surak’s teachings,”Amanda responded, intrigued. 

T’Grel gave a nod of affirmation. “Their philosophy was certainly at odds with the followers of Surak, although at that time there were numerous factions resistant to the Reforms. But this group may have been unique in an important way. My analysis of some of their writings suggests that as a group they were exceptionally weak telepaths, with many possessing almost no psi ability at all.  Their members may have comprised a genetically distinct sub-group within the Vulcan population at that time. I have much work yet to confirm or disprove this hypothesis, however.”

“T’Grel, that’s fascinating!”Amanda exclaimed before clapping a hand over her mouth and hastily apologizing for her outburst. “Sorry.”

T’Grel merely arched one of her brows before continuing. She was gradually becoming accustomed to her Terran colleague’s odd ways, including her occasionally emotional displays. To have such an associate was an interesting application of IDIC.

“They were unsuccessful in halting the Reforms. Instead, they chose to leave Vulcan in search of a new home world using the primitive space vehicles of that time. You may know them by a different name, ‘the Sundered.’”

“Oh, yes, the _Seheikk'he,_ ”Amanda acknowledged, more calmly this time, recalling the term Sarek had used.

“Much of the information about the Sundered was lost during the Awakening. Their teachings did not spread widely and little was preserved. Nonetheless, their exodus was notable: of all the factions initially opposed to Surak’s teachings, theirs was the only to refuse the Reforms so completely, choosing to exile themselves rather than adapt, as others did. From a historical and sociological standpoint, we have long attempted to understand why this was so, but have had little with which to work. A cache of artifacts was only recently discovered containing a substantial archive of previously unknown written material, and it is from this that I began to form my hypothesis. This research thread may prove enlightening.”

“How fascinating,” Amanda commented again, leaning over the table to look at the ancient scripts more closely. “You may confirm a biological cause contributing to a significant political and sociological event.” Temporarily, she allowed herself to be distracted from her own challenges and become absorbed in her office-mate’s research instead.

ooo

On her way home, Amanda decided to detour to Sarek’s office. She arrived at his office in the Secretariat to be greeted quickly by his aide T’Sey, passing by with a ceremonial tray of water and glasses.

“I ask forgiveness, _T_ _’_ _Sai_.  _S_ _’_ _haile_ Sarek is meeting with the other new council member, Sered. He and his colleague only just arrived.” T’Sey headed briskly for Sarek’s conference room, where Amanda could see her husband conversing with another Vulcan.

From her vantage point, Amanda could see that the one named Sered was shorter than Sarek, and from what she could tell given his bulky robes, that he was of a thinner stature as well. His hands, clasped behind his back, were small, with thin fingers and pronounced knuckles. Only able to see the back of his head, she could ascertain that his hair was black and straight, cut in the traditional male style, but nothing more.

Suddenly feeling as though eyes were upon her, she was startled when she turned to find another Vulcan -- Sered’s aide, she surmised -- standing silently in the rear corner of the outer office, watching herintently. He was about the same height but stockier than his superior, possessing a sharp, beaked nose, and unusually light-colored eyes. His sallow complexion deepened unevenly to the color of smashed peas at his cheeks, nose, and chin, the equivalent of “ruddy” in a green-blooded being.

The man did not look away when she caught his gaze, and Amanda found herself trapped in an awkward staring contest. His focus on her and the way he stiffly held himself telegraphed poorly concealed antagonism, surprising for a Vulcan. She had no idea of the reason for his strong body language. _Could he be yet another Vulcan who disapproves of my presence here?_ Unwilling to be intimidated, she held his gaze.

The aide murmured something barely intelligible under his breath before flicking his eyes away, as if deciding she was beneath his further notice. Instead, he focused on the walls of Sarek’s outer office, scanning the trappings of millennia of Vulcan history, peacemaking and leadership by the clan of Surak, again with that strange, almost hostile look, as if he disapproved. Puzzled, Amanda thought she heard “ _nufaya_ ,” the Vulcan word for gift, but it was difficult to tell with his unfamiliar accent. Besides, she couldn’t imagine what the stranger meant in the current context.

T’Sey was occupied serving water to the two council members-elect and did not notice the visitor’s behavior. Amanda knew that the appearances of many Vulcans – Sarek included –could seem severe or disapproving when that was not actually the case.  Although by now she had also observed more than a few times when that _was_ actually the case. Amanda was becoming adept at reading the subtleties of Vulcan non-expression, and she was pretty sure she was correctly interpreting hostility in Sered’s aide.

 Sarek and Sered were now walking back into the outer office.

“… of course, the Vulcana Regar Confederation is not nearly as ancient and storied a House as that of the clan of Surak,” Sered was saying, “and I am new to politics as well as to Shi’Kahr, having spent my life previously on Kethri.”

“That is of little consequence, for we all come to serve,” Sarek replied. “We each bring unique abilities to the Council.”

Sered glanced quickly at Sarek then, but Sarek’s eyes had settled on Amanda.

“She who is my wife,”Sarek intoned.

Meeting Sered’s eyes, Amanda was surprised again to see a momentary flash of… something she could not interpret before it was lost in their expressionless depths.  Knowing that Sarek was waiting for her response and reminded of protocol, she raised her hand in the _ta_ _’_ _al_ and simply said, “ _Amsetri tre_.”

She did not give him her name.

“Sered comes to Vulcan from Kethri,” Sarek informed her, referring to the Vulcan colony world.  “He will represent the Vulcana Regar Clan Confederation on the High Council.”  His tone was measured as always but he watched her carefully.  He had not missed her omission.

Amanda inclined her head.  “Welcome to Vulcan, Sered.”

“Indeed, I should say the same to you,”Sered returned, scrutinizing her again. “You are Human, are you not?”

“Yes,”she affirmed, to which Sered only replied, “Yes, indeed,” before turning his attention back to Sarek. 

“We are most gratified by the hospitality of the S’chn T’Gai, _Osu_ Sarek. Live long and prosper,” the newcomer declared.  With that, the four exchanged _ta_ _’_ _als_ before Sered rejoined his associate and the visitors departed.

A frown marring her features, Amanda watched them leave, prompting her husband to inquire, “What troubles you, my wife?”

She shook her head.  “I don’t know, Husband.  There is something about those two that just seems…off.”

An elegant brow rose at her statement. “‘Off’?”

 “Not right. They seemed unfriendly, disapproving…like there was some animosity there. Did Sered bring any type of gift, by the way?”

Her husband’s brows knitted in Vulcan confusion. “No. There was no logical reason to offer a gift in this situation. And I noted no such emotionalism as you describe in either Sered or his aide, Suhl. Sered’s demeanor was overly deferential, in fact. On what observations are you basing your statements?” Sarek asked, now more curious.

She sighed. “Just something I thought I heard, and a couple of odd looks. I wish I could be more specific. It’s just a feeling. Intuition.”

Sarek looked down at her, affection in his eyes. “As you know, I do not comprehend Human intuition. And politics do tend to attract a certain…variety of individuals,”he added drily. “Present company excepted, of course.” He offered her the _oz_ _’_ _hesta_ then, and said, “But if at some point you determine more specifically the cause of your concern, I would be interested to know it.”

 Amanda could sense his puzzlement at her reaction to his guests, but also that he was not overly concerned without more specifics.  She relaxed into the warmth of their bond.

ooo

As usual, Sarek had been thoroughly briefed by his staff on the issues currently facing the High Council, as well as its current members’positions on each of them.  This was information he needed for the conduct of his diplomatic duties, so assimilating it in preparation for his assumption of a council role was not difficult; he was merely evaluating the same information from an additional perspective.

There were a total of twenty High Council members, plus the head of the council, making twenty-one.  It was a remarkably small number to provide leadership, alongside the Matriarch, for over thirteen billion Vulcans, far-flung from the home world across the galaxy in colonies and as residents on countless other planets. The council structure, superimposed during the Time of Awakening on top of an even more ancient, clan-based system of government, had nonetheless performed admirably over the past five millennia.

When the head of council, in this case, Skon, retired, another council member would act in his place during the process of installing new council members, including the new head of council. Removal of the outgoing council leader before the installation of the new one was another Reform-era safeguard, designed to prevent an influential leader from forcing the acceptance of an unsuitable replacement.

Councilmember T’Pran would be acting in Skon’s stead during the weeks the installation process traditionally required. While T’Pran possessed viewpoints that were decidedly Vulcan-centric and less true to the principles of IDIC that Sarek believed necessary in the interstellar community to which Vulcan belonged, he was unconcerned in this situation.  Her leadership would be temporary, and focused on the largely ceremonial process of council member transition.

Just as he already knew Councilmember T’Pran’s outlook, Sarek was well aware of the dispositions of the other current council members. The elderly Sofir had long been an ally of his House, regularly forming a coalition with other representatives of the more populous and cosmopolitan areas, T’Partha, T’Karik, Spahn, and occasionally Selar and T’Enne.

T’Dar typically led an alliance of clans from the northern regions, often more conservative than those from central Na’nam, frequently influencing the positions of Streon from Xir’tan, and often in coalition with T’Pran and T’Laan.  T’Rehu, speaking for the S’vec T’Ara clan traditionally of Gol, took the most philosophically strict positions, while T’Ulin of the S’lova T’Kar was easily the most open to new approaches and concepts.  A significant percentage of T’Ulin’s clan served in the diplomatic service alongside the S’chn T’Gai, second in number only to those in interstellar commerce.

Several council members, most notably T’Aloren, T’Deata, Sunok and S’rivas, retained a vigorously independent outlook, choosing their alliances strictly on a case-by-case basis as logic dictated.  Solin, from the city of Kwil’inor on the Voroth Sea and an adolescent classmate of Skon’s, typically attempted to balance advocacy for more interstellar trade with an eye to the preservation of traditional ways of life for a coalition of clans. Similarly, Silen, whose clan was heavy with artisans living on Vulcan or its colonies, often balanced cosmopolitan with traditional concerns. The positions taken by T’Nedara of the S’laron T’Vie, a large and far-flung clan, were perhaps the least consistent, reflecting logic dictated by the interests of her varied constituency.

Although Sarek had not known Sered previously, he was familiar with the positions taken by his predecessor, T’Madh. T’Madh was to have been succeeded as representative of the Vulcana Regar Clan Confederation, a group of small clans and colonies, by a clan leader from the Kethri colony world named T’Lores. However, shortly after T’Madh’s retirement, T’Lores had been killed in an unusual, unfortunate shuttle accident.  Although new to politics and government, coming from an agricultural family, Sered had been selected as legislative agent. The confederation, like other aggregations of small clans, most often followed other, larger clans with similar interests, in this case, trade and the preservation of tradition, rather than take leadership on its own. 

 Sarek was also aware that, in the process of assuming Skon’s role, he would likely need to address some repercussions of his previous actions.  While meeting with his father to discuss the transition, Skon had informed him that he would face comments, at least, from some council members regarding his choice of a Human bondmate and his failure to apprise his elders on the council beforehand.

4th of _Khuti, Vulcan year equivalent to 2230_

_“_ _I am prepared for a debate, Father,_ _”_ _Sarek said._

_“_ _I have no doubt that you are, my son,_ _”_ _Skon replied,_ _“_ _however, recall that the distinction between_ hja’e _and_ duh’es _is often narrowly drawn, Sarek-am. Do not forget this. Several on the council questioned me as to what my counsel as father had been to you regarding these decisions.  I was obligated to tell them that I had had no opportunity to provide it._ _”_

_His steady gaze held Sarek_ _’_ _s for a long moment until the younger Vulcan bowed his head in deference._

_“_ _I ask forgiveness,_ Sa _-_ mekh _. It is not that I do not value your wisdom.  There were logical reasons_ _–_ _”_

_“_ _No doubt there were,_ Sa-fu, _”_ _Skon interjected, well aware of the sometimes passionate emotions his kind were required to master by virtue of their heritage._ _“_ _It is not unheard of for such_ _…_ _reasons to arise when one is tasked with selecting one_ _’_ _s own bondmate. That is why we, by tradition, seek the input of our elders, and why some on the council wished to reconsider your appointment to Earth._ _”_

_“_ _Understood, Father,_ _”_ _Sarek replied, his voice respectful but unyielding. His choice of Amanda had been the correct one, of that he was certain._

“Kai’idth, _Sarek,_ _”_ _Skon continued._ _“_ _I mention this now because you will need to explain your behavior to the satisfaction of those who have questioned it, if you hope to lead them._ _”_

_“_ _A bond is a private matter,_ _”_ _Sarek responded stubbornly._

_The elder Vulcan repressed a sigh.  His son was brilliant, dedicated and tireless_ _–_ _but also young, headstrong and, it was clear to the father, vulnerable to emotion on the subject of his bondmate._

_“_ _You may find that even those things which should remain private become open to public scrutiny in the eyes of some when a public figure is involved -- which you are, my son,_ _”_ _he warned._ _“_ _I did what I could with those who were concerned; I explained your bonding for what it must have been, a_ _logical, diplomatic gesture._ _”_ _Skon raised a brow at his son._ _“_ _Even so, the decision to elevate you to your present role was not unanimous, as you are aware._ _”_

_Sarek was indeed aware. Seven of the council had voted against his promotion to the council, and he understood the stated rationale of each of the members who had done so. Nevertheless, it was also abundantly clear to him that no one_ _–_ _beyond Amanda and himself_ _–_ _had any role in such a private and personal decision. Surely the logic of that could be made clear to anyone who followed Surak_ _’_ _s principles. He would confer with those whom he needed to address prior to the first council session._

_“_ _I will make the logic of my decisions clear to anyone for whom it is not obvious,_ _”_ _he had informed his father, confident that he would do so._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 1) Regarding Amanda and Sarek both refraining from giving her name to Sered: There are two reasons for this. The first is Vulcan courtesy since the The Awakening. In Surak’s “The Silences,” the reformer advocates for privacy at multiple levels, including personal privacy (“Do not ask another’s name of a third party. Wait for the owner to give it.”) [Source: https://kirshara.wordpress.com/2013/11/30/the-silences/]. By corollary, Vulcan sensibility would be not to offer someone else’s name to a stranger. The second reason is, again, Vulcan male protectiveness. One does not give a bondmate’s name to strangers (the less information about a bondmate given to potential rivals the better), although she is free to do so herself if she so decides. Amanda was within her rights to withhold this familiarity from Sered.
> 
> A/N 2) Regions of Vulcan taken gratefully from https://kirshara.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/map-of-suraks-vulcan.pdf
> 
> “Ahmau t’nashveh Savensu Grayson.” - “I am Teacher Grayson.”  
> “Amsetri tre.” - Your presence honors us.”  
> “Dif-tor heh smusma, o-orensular.” - “Live long and prosper, honorable students.”   
> dutar - diplomatic  
> dvinsu – servant  
> duh’es - foolishness  
> hja’e - chutzpah, boldness  
> Komihn – Human  
> Sa-mekh - Father  
> Shikh-Ornavensu - Honored Council Member


	29. From an Unexpected Quarter

When the day of the council’s Preliminary Opening dawned, Sarek was satisfied that he was prepared for his new position. He left the fortress that morning, quelling an illogical sense of anticipation. Today would largely be a day of ceremony. The interesting work would not begin until next month.

Unlike her husband, Amanda left the fortress without attempting to squelch the feelings of anticipation, as well as some nervousness, on her second day of teaching. Today she had scheduled one-on-one meetings with each of her new students in an effort to understand their current levels of knowledge in the field of study, as well as to learn more about each of them.  She hoped to have a better idea of what her pupils were like by the end of the day.

ooo

In the vaulted central meeting hall of the _Tvi-shal T_ _’_ _Pid-Shikh_ _’_ _orna T_ _’_ _Khasi_ , Vulcan’s High Council Chambers, Sarek stood as he had many times before.  The current council members had filed in to take their usual seats on the semi-circular platform where they held their deliberations; Sarek and Sered waited respectfully in front and below. Skon, now an observer, sat behind them. The hall was nearly full with others who had come to observe the investiture. Ceremonial guards and the traditional, flickering torches ringed the chamber, the flames adding an ancient glow to the modern lighting overhead.

Acting Head of Council T’Pran opened the session with the traditional, timeworn greeting over an offering of water, her somber voice echoing off the smooth stone walls. “Welcome, Representatives traveling from the holdings of all the many Clans. As it has been since the Awakening, we gather here and now to administer the wealth of T’Khasi for the welfare of all the _whl'q'n,_ in peace and with justice, guided by logic. Let us begin.”

With that she gazed down at the waiting pair. “Council-members-elect. Thee will present thineselves to this body.” She nodded at Sarek.

Sarek stepped to the center of the semi-circular space in front of the platform, raised his hand in the _ta_ _’_ _al_ and addressed the council. “ _Shikh-ornavensular_ , I, Sarek _cha_ Skon _cha_ Solkar of the S’chn T’Gai, am honored to stand before you. As has my father and his father before him, and all of the fathers proceeding after Surak, I stand ready to assume my duties on this platform, as they have been since the Awakening, using peace and logic as my guides. Live long and prosper.” 

Bowing his head, he stepped aside. He had deliberately kept his introduction brief and deferential, as seemed appropriate. The council members already knew him; repeating information about himself personally or his accomplishments was therefore illogical.  Further, his presence here was traditional; there was no need to discuss it, or his role, further.

T’Pran now turned her attention to Sered, bidding him to approach the platform.

“ _Shikh-ornavensular,_ I, Sered _cha_ Sefor of the Vulcana Regar Confederation, a mere _uroshalsu_ _t_ _’_ _solektra_ , am honored to stand among you to represent the people of my confederated clans. I recognize the importance of these traditional duties to the preservation of our ways, and I stand ready to assume mine.”

Sered paused, moving his gaze across the assembled council. “I come to assume my duties for another reason. You are aware that the clans I have been chosen to represent are small, and that our people often live simple lives. These facts have not blinded us, however, to actions which betray the broader traditions of all Vulcan –and our hard-won peace.” Sered spared a single, pointed glance in Sarek’s direction before continuing, his deferential manner from their private meeting vanishing as if it had never been.

“Those who lead the _whl'q'n_ must do so with the greatest application of logic, both amongst ourselves and among the others in our Galaxy. However, today we find T’Khasi and her _sashilalar_ more influenced than ever before by emotional, illogical beings from outside, beings who neither understand nor appreciate our ways.

“I submit to the council that we have failed to assess the true consequences of diluting that which is Vulcan with that which is not.  Our presumptive leadership has failed to guide us to the proper path. Why, I ask, do we find ourselves so enmeshed in the illogical and emotionally driven affairs of the Federation, while we fail to search for our lost brothers and sisters, the _Seheikk'he?_ _”_

Sered paused at this moment and surveyed his audience. He had touched upon an unresolved and hotly debated topic, the wisdom of attempting reconciliation with the Sundered. By doing so, he had claimed the full attention of the council, and the active interest of several of its members.

“And yet,” he continued, “one who would presume to lead this body has been a primary proponent of this questionable strategy, and has gone even beyond it, to bring an emotional alien into his home – and possibly into his very clan. Such judgment is quite obviously suspect.” Again Sered paused, this time for effect, before adding drily, “Perhaps Sarek assumes that the less ‘noble’ clans of Vulcan will simply accept his bizarre choice of a consort. _No._ Ordinary Vulcans, even without the badge of Surak’s blood, will see this behavior as illogical.”

Sarek had sat with no trace of reaction during Sered’s speech, suppressing the scathing sensations of surprise and offense, but he arose now at this unwarranted accusation. He had expected some commentary and questioning regarding his choice of bondmate, but not this, a complete indictment of Vulcan’s interstellar policy of the last century, simultaneous to a xenophobic attack on his _aduna_. His movements remained measured and smooth in spite of the considerable provocation. _I am in control_.

T’Pran’s eyes swiftly locked on his, demanding his silence. She re-focused on Sered.  “Conclude your case, Sered. Make your proposal. Then I will allow debate.”

Sarek sat back down silently.

Boldly now, Sered resumed. “Tradition is to be revered, yet to preserve it we must sometimes change that which has outlasted its usefulness. The honored Surak did not establish the inheritance system of High Council leadership succession; it was instead the creation of his successors. I submit to the council that we should follow Surak’s example and instead choose with logic the one most suitable to lead the council, rather than perpetuate the claim of an aristocratic few. I further submit that those council members whose logic is shown to be faulty be removed from Council. It is not logical to permit them to govern. That is my proposal.”

Sered remained standing, eyes glittering with confidence, as Sarek rose again. T’Pran tipped her chin downward, giving assent for the debate to begin.

Sarek began. “ _Shikh-ornavensular,_ Sered is correct that both tradition and the teachings of Surak deserve our deepest respect. Both provide order needed for our society to function. However, I submit that neither tradition nor Surak’s teachings have been compromised. As a result, such actions as Sered proposes are unnecessary, and ill-advised.” Turning to face his opponent, Sarek asked, his voice calm but his eyes steely, “You claim that my judgment is faulty, Sered.  How is this so?”

ooo

By the afternoon Amanda had a pretty clear academic understanding of most of her students.  Several were, in fact, quite interested in her linguistics work and in the seminar subject matter specifically, she was pleased to determine. There was also a distinct minority who appeared skeptical that a Human instructor would have much of value to offer, but she had expected she would have to deal with some of this.  It was the last student she interviewed, the one she had challenged to take the class, who truly surprised her.

The young man, Syvar, seemed agreeable and eager to learn, so Amanda was at a loss to explain the derisive comment she had thought she heard him make the day before.  That is, until he spoke up during a pause in their discussion.

“I wish you to know that it is of no importance to me,” he informed her earnestly, as if he were somehow offering her a vote of confidence. 

Confused by the apparent _non sequitur_ , she said, “I don’t understand, Syvar. What is of no importance?”

He looked mystified that she did not know to what he was referring. “That you have come to Vulcan as _S_ _’_ _haile_ Sarek’s _guv-dvinsu._ _”_

  _Did he just say_ _‘_ _sex servant_ _’_ _?_ Amanda’s eyes widened in disbelief. She opened her mouth to reply, but no words came.  Several thoughts came to mind, but none were the least bit suitable to say. Syvar simply gazed back at her, matter-of-fact, as if he hadn’t said a thing out of the ordinary, let alone anything that could possibly be untrue or wildly inappropriate.

Shocked, she finally managed to stammer, “You –you think that I’m, I’m Sarek’s _what?_  And how on Earth -- I mean, how did you come to this conclusion?”

“It is apparent to many,” Syvar began to explain, as if it were obvious. “Humans do not bond, yet he keeps you. There has been no _kal_ _’_ _i_ _’_ _farr_. It is hypothesized that you were given to Sarek by the Terrans as a _kum-dutar_ , in recompense for his years of service on your world. Even though it is untraditional, T’Pau has allowed it because he remains unbonded.”

 _What the_ _–_ _?_ “Sarek _is_ bonded. To me,” Amanda responded tightly.

Syvar merely blinked, as if her statement were simply incorrect, before continuing, unfazed. “The conclusion is logical. There are precedents in other cultures –”

 _That_ _’_ _s enough._ “No, you are quite mistaken, Syvar,” Amanda interjected, very firmly this time. “Humans do not give such ‘gifts;’nor would Sarek accept one. I can hardly believe that you think he would.” She responded as calmly as she could, clenching her jaw to restrain the anger she felt. _Assumptions indeed!_

Her student looked at her more closely, puzzled and slightly concerned.  “Are you…becoming emotional, _Savensu_?”

 _I_ _’_ _ll show you emotional,_ she thought before getting a grip on herself. _This is unreal._ She took a deep breath before replying. “It is very… impolite to make such…hypotheses on my world.”

“Ah,” Syvar responded. Then he added, certain he was being helpful, “Surak teaches a solution to such problems. ' _Nam-tor ri thrap wilat nem-tor rim.'_ _”_

ooo

“Any _Vuhlkansu_ _’_ _s_ judgment is faulty who abandons ancient tradition so precipitously, and for so illogical a reason,” Sered asserted, staring defiantly up at Sarek.

“I have done no such thing.”

“You have taken a _qom_ _’_ _i_ as consort, ignoring the counsel of your elders.”

Shielding his thoughts and redoubling his control, Sarek responded. “My choice of _bondmate_ is a private affair.”

“On the contrary, _S_ _’_ _haile_ ,” Sered said, the slightest tinge of irony in his use of the title, “the role you have assumed on behalf of our people, and especially the one you presume to undertake, demands that you set an untarnished example before the rest of _T_ _’_ _Khasi_. Yet your behavior in this has been nothing short of Pre-Reform.”

“My choice is a fitting example of IDIC and,” Sarek added, his jaw twitching minutely as he repeated his father’s words, “it was logical from a diplomatic perspective. Attempting to label it as Pre-Reform is incorrect.”

“You may describe your actions in diplomatic words, but they amount to nothing more than bringing war plunder home, however wrapped the guise of peace.  Furthermore, doing so was illogical if you intended to take on this hereditary role; you will have no successor.”

Focused on not responding to words clearly intended to try his control, Sarek only responded, “Succession is possible.”

Sered turned to face him, his brows raised in exaggerated incredulity. “You intend to _breed_ with the _qom_ _’_ _i?_ _”_ he asked, in an obvious appeal to all of the unspoken intolerances hidden and not-so-hidden on the council.

There was no mistaking the flash of anger in Sarek’s eyes, anger driven from the disrespect directed at his _aduna_ and from Sered’s pandering to the most narrow-minded and retrograde impulses of those on the council.

 _“_ _Enough,_ _”_ T’Pran firmly declared from the platform, silencing both opponents before Sarek could launch a rebuttal. “Sered, thee go too far. _”_

“I ask forgiveness, Leader,for my question,” Sered coolly conceded. “Rather, of greater concern is that my…associate is keeping this female, an alien, without marriage rites. It is most improper. And it is unVulcan.”

“She is my wife,” Sarek answered, adamant. “She is Human, an ally, and will soon become a Vulcan citizen.  Our marriage was recognized in a Federation ceremony 2.05 Vulcan years ago.”

“Mere Federation words,” his antagonist replied. “They do not merit recognition here. Of course, she should not be granted _Vuhlkansu_ citizenship in any case, as she is not Vulcan.” Sered turned to the council. “And he should not be allowed to marry her under Vulcan rites–or bond with her. It would be a dishonor to all that which is Vulcan.”

Concern over Sered’s bigoted attitude and casual disregard for Vulcan’s membership in the Federation was immediately eclipsed in Sarek’s mind by this second, much more visceral and instinctively felt threat.

Eyes narrowed, Sarek drew himself upward and glared at his opponent, now a rival.  “Do you challenge, Sered?”he growled.

Again, Sered’s brows rose as if he had no idea his words could be so interpreted.  “Of course not,”he replied diffidently.  “ _I_ do not want a _qom_ _’_ _i_ bondmate. But,” he continued, again addressing the council, “the scion of the House of Surak should not be allowed to set such a disgraceful example. The High Council should intervene for propriety’s sake, if his own clan will not. This is no way to represent the Vulcan people, by diluting that which has been Vulcan from the Beginning.  It is... _ritsuri_ ,” he asserted, throwing down the epithet like a gauntlet.

Skon observed the conflict before him with growing alarm.  The unexpected aggressiveness of Sered was worrisome enough; both his staff and Sarek’s had entirely failed to uncover any indication that this was coming. Watching the debate devolve, Skon also could also see that this newcomer was either incredibly crass by Vulcan standards, or extremely shrewd –and probably both. Sered had just succeeded in threatening his opponent’s marriage bond without actually declaring challenge. Sarek had a real battle on his hands.

Concerned for his son, Skon attempted to reach him through their parental bond. In his years on the council, he had seen Vulcans display emotion over significantly less provocation than this. _//Calm, my son_ _…_ _//_

 For a brief moment, only one thought reverberated in Sarek’s mind. _This rival must be removed._   If discipline and a deeply held philosophy of peace had not been instilled in him since childhood, Sarek would have been glad do so –violently.

 _This one threatens my bondmate._ _He must be eliminated._

Only barely betraying his rigidly enforced control, Sarek instead turned to T’Pran.  “Leader, my opponent speaks dishonorably of Vulcan’s sworn, peaceful relationships with other worlds, and expresses beliefs in opposition to _kol-ut-shan_. He does not honor the way of Surak. The council should disregard his proposal on this basis alone. Further -- ”

“Leader --” Sered attempted to interject, but T’Pran held up her hand.

“Silence.” _This situation has gone too far,_ she chastised herself; _it has very nearly deteriorated into violence._  While she did not approve of Sarek’s bonding with a Human, even she was shocked by Sered’s dangerous incitement. She wondered briefly at the logic of her foremothers in allowing males on the High Council to begin with. _Kai_ _’_ _idth._ She addressed the two before her, and the rest of the council.

“I am suspending this debate -- to allow logic time to re-assert itself,” she declared, looking sternly down at Sarek and Sered as they both began to object. “In the meantime,” she added in a pointed warning, “No _kal_ _’_ _if_ _’_ _fee_ will take place in this chamber.”

Then T’Pran raised her head to survey the rest of the council.  “ _Shikh-ornavensular,_ I call for your assessment at this time: do the issues raised in this debate merit further discussion?”

Each council member was now called to either steeple their fingers in front of them, symbolizing attentive listening if they wished the debate to continue, or sit back, hands in lap, if they opposed. Only six did not wish to continue the discussion.

For Sarek, the lopsided nature of the vote and the fact that some of his clan’s traditional allies, including Sofir, sought continuation was especially disturbing.  Sered’s allegations were borne of an illogically provincial, restrictive viewpoint in Sarek’s opinion, but the new council member had clearly touched upon issues that others on the council believed needed to be addressed.

T’Pran concluded the deliberations. “There being no objection from this body, I declare that this debate will resume in ten days.” 

Her declaration was met with assenting silence. “It is done, then. We shall reconvene on the 5th of _re'T'Khutai_. Live long and prosper.”

With her dismissal, council members old and new filed quietly out of the chamber’s multiple doorways. Sered quickly exited to confer with a pair of colleagues waiting outside. Sarek, head held high, proceeded without a glance in any direction save toward his own exit. He wished to reach a place of privacy as soon as possible to meditate, reinforce his control, and contemplate this new and unexpected threat.

In his preoccupation he failed to notice Skon attempting to reach him through their parental bond, nor hear his approaching footsteps. Finally his father had to call out his name in the quiet corridor, causing Sarek to turn swiftly in surprise.

Skon did not miss the calming breaths taken by his son, nor the way he slowly and deliberately extended his fingers out from clenched hands.  He waited.

After several silent moments, Sarek spoke, frustration evident in his voice. “I do not understand.”

“What is it that you do not grasp, my son?”

“Why such opposition? From what cause? Why no attempt to resolve it beforehand? It is not logical. And why such aggression directed toward --” Sarek halted, unwilling to finish the sentence aloud. _My wife._ His fists clenched again.

He had dealt many times before with other species that were hostile, even violent, but he had not expected to encounter such a degree of enmity on his own world.  It was clear that his expectation needed to change; this was more than the intolerance of a scattered minority. And the challenge to his bond…

Sarek closed his eyes momentarily against the sudden resurgence of his anger.  The last time he had experienced similar emotions was when terrorists had kidnapped his _aduna_ , and he had barely managed to remain in control then. His jaw tightened painfully. None of this was what he expected of this new role, and he chastised himself harshly for allowing assumptions to cloud his assessment of what could occur.

 _“_ _Sa-fu,_ _”_ Skon began, his voice quiet, understanding somewhat the turmoil the younger Vulcan confronted. “You are in control. Allow the disciplines to provide calm, to analyze the situation with logic.”

Sarek focused inwardly for a moment and Skon looked on with approval.  His son did indeed wrestle with the strong emotions of their forebears, but so far, his control appeared equal to the task.

Skon continued.  “You must recall two things, Sarek.  First, this conflict centers neither upon your _aduna_ nor your marriage bond. It is about politics, nothing more.  Second, leadership is not legitimate if it cannot be lawfully contested. Even when challenged in such a repugnant manner as we have seen this day. The right to lead in a logical society, even an inherited right, must be re-earned periodically if it is to endure.”

Sarek’s brows rose in comprehension.“Indeed, _Sa-mehk_ ,” he murmured, some calm returning.

“Do not misunderstand me, Sarek.  Your opponent’s behavior today was most dishonorable.  It will be wise to anticipate the same in the future. Nevertheless, there are those who sympathize with his views. You have ten days to persuade the council with your logic. With proper preparation, logic dictates that you will prevail.”

 “Understood, _Sa-mehk_ ,” Sarek replied dutifully. But then his eyes flashed anew. “I will allow no threat to my bondmate to stand.  She is mine.  I will indeed prevail.”

The elder Vulcan understood very well such protective and possessive impulses. Still, he was curious how his son had gotten into this particular and unexpected situation. Seeking to understand, Skon asked, “Why did you choose her, _Sa-fu_?” He kept his tone neutrally inquisitive even though the sudden directness of his query was designed to elicit an unthinkingly candid response.

Sarek did not fall into the trap; he was too familiar with it. “It was logical,” he replied tersely.

“ _Sarek-am,_ you know as well as I that even logic can be manipulated to justify a variety of motivations,” his father said, doggedly attempting to draw him out.

Sarek’s eyes flashed for an instant before he answered, coldness tingeing his voice.  “Do you suggest that mine is flawed, _Osu_?”

Skon recognized that typical semantic tactics would not influence Sarek.  He also realized that his reflexive use of diplomatic tools was hindering his ability to have an open discussion with his son. Taking a breath, he replied, “No, _Sa-fu_. I see no evidence of that. I merely wish to understand your logic.”

Sarek stood still, a long moment passing before he responded. “What you ask is… private, _Sa-mekh_.” Then he relented and added, “We are _k’hat’d’lawa.”_

 _Ah_ , Skon thought. _Fascinating that he would find such a thing with an outworlder_. But he revealed none of his further curiosity at what this brief admission implied. Gravely nodding in acknowledgement, he said simply, “Indeed.”

Thoroughly done with what the day had wrought, Sarek excused himself from his father.  “I must return home, _Osa-mekh,_ to ensure that she is safe.”

Skon remained and watched his son depart, pensive.

ooo

Finally in the privacy of his aircar, Sarek took a deep, measured breath.  His mind remained greatly unsettled. Although his father was correct, that this debate was foremost about politics, it was also clear to him that his opponent would not hesitate to see Amanda hurt in the process if that would further his political goals.  Sarek saw blood green at the thought, his fingernails digging deeply into his palms as he again fought for control. _No one will threaten her --!_

He swiftly considered his options. _Perhaps I can end this procedurally_.  It was the most logical solution.

Minutes later, he stood in the Matriarch’s offices.

T’Pau’s brows rose at his unexpected arrival. “What brings thee here, Sarek?”

“ _Pid-kom_ ,” Sarek lowered his head respectfully.  “I seek thy intervention.”

“Indeed?”

“An opponent on the council seeks political advantage by raising objections to my marriage bond,” he stated, working to keep his voice even.

The matriarch’s brows knit together.  “Indeed?” she repeated with greater concern.

“Yes. It is an illogical and improper attempt, and it diverts the council’s attention from more pertinent matters.”

T’Pau sat back. “It is as I feared.”

“I do not understand, _Pid-kom_ ,” Sarek replied, confused and concerned by the Matriarch’s foreboding tone.

“I feared that such a conflict would arise, Sarek. Thy bonding is controversial, and it was highly probable that some would use it, legitimately or illegitimately, for political reasons.”

Now it was Sarek’s turn to frown. “How probable?”

“I estimated an eighty-eight point nine seven percent probability that such an objection would arise.”

Stung, but refusing to show it, Sarek argued, “Perhaps; however, this grievance is obviously illegitimate.”

T’Pau eyed her son, who was clearly distraught, even if he would not express it, and reminded herself of her duty. And she would not have him plead for a solution that she could not provide.

 _“Sa-fu,”_ she began, “I cannot intervene as thee wish.” She deliberately ignored how he stiffened at her words. “Evaluate the situation logically, and thee will know this is truth. I am prevented from doing so by lawful reasons, as thee should be aware,” she chided him, “and also by political ones. Thou must establish thine own legitimacy if thee are to eventually lead the council. It will not serve for me – or thy father – to direct, or suggest, a desired outcome to others. Thou must overcome this difficulty on thine own.”

Dismayed, Sarek struggled to think clearly, caught in the grip of instinctive reactions against a threat to his marital bond.  He was also indignant at the council for allowing itself to be swayed by such an obvious, unseemly ploy as Sered had used, and at himself for failing to foresee just such an eventuality. Supremely frustrated, he knew T’Pau was correct in her assessment, but was unable to shake the part of him that just wanted to squelch the threat to his bond by whatever means possible. He grappled for control.

“Thy words are logical,” he answered stiffly. “I beg forgiveness.” He took his leave and departed, still unsettled, not seeing the concern in his mother’s eyes.

The journey back to his aircar allowed him to recover somewhat. He chastised himself anew. His lack of control -- and lack of precaution -- was shocking, and unacceptable. He would meditate at length this night to restore his equilibrium. And of course, he would not trouble Amanda with any of this.

 _But first_ _…_ the warrior within whispered to him. He placed a call. _There is much that requires change,_ Sarek reflected grimly as he flew for home.

ooo

Not long after that last, bizarre student conference, Amanda sat at her desk in the _Shi_ _’_ _Oren_ , her head reeling once again. Except for that very confusing interaction, she felt growing confidence that she could successfully build a rapport with her students and that they, at least the majority, would find her teaching educational both in subject matter and in exposure to a different style of teaching.  That was the good news.

On the other hand, she was not sure what to make of Syvar’s revelation. How many besides him, students or otherwise, held this viewpoint?  Was it just the strangely misinformed notion of a few, or did many more of the Vulcans with whom she interacted, in fact, share this belief about her reason for being here? 

Part of her wanted to dismiss the whole thing as silly: she could hardly control the opinions of those around her; she could only conduct herself in a manner she believed to be respectable. If some wanted to harbor offensive opinions about her or Sarek, she would do her best to just ignore them.

Still, another part of her wondered if there could more to it than the simple cultural misunderstanding, or even intolerance, of one or a few individuals.  Those she had encountered before, and she could -- would – handle them. This appeared to be more of the same, but she couldn’t shake the small voice of intuition that whispered she should remain alert. 

In the privacy of her office, Amanda gave a loud sigh. _It_ _’_ _s always something._ She’d mention it to Sarek –even as she flushed at the thought, embarrassed at even repeating what Syvar had told her. _Don_ _’_ _t be silly, Grayson.  Just saying it doesn_ _’_ _t make it any more believable to anyone._ And she had no doubt what her eminently logical husband would tell her: that the student’s statements, as well as her emotional reaction to them, were simply illogical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sarek notes that his father and “all the fathers proceeding after Surak” took places on the Vulcan High Council. The more powerful position, that of Matriarch of All Vulcan, of course went to the Matriarch of the S’chn T’Gai. As may be obvious, I don’t subscribe to the ST: Enterprise version of Vulcan history where Vulcan was governed by a High Command, which became corrupted in the recent past and was replaced by the High Council structure. 
> 
> guv-dvinsu – sex servant  
> k’hat’d’lawa – two halves of the same soul  
> kal’i’farr – marriage  
> kal’if’fee – challenge  
> kol-ut-shan – Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combination (IDIC)  
> kum-dutar – diplomatic prize  
> “Nam-tor ri thrap wilat nem-tor rim.” – “There is no offense where none is taken.”  
> Osa-mekh – Honored Parent  
> qom’i – Human  
> ritsuri – deviant  
> Sa-mehk - Father  
> sashilalar – colonies  
> Savensu –Teacher  
> Seheikk'he – The Sundered  
> Shikh-ornavensular – Honored Council Members  
> T’Khasi – Vulcan  
> uroshalsu t’solektra – farmer of the land  
> whl'q'n – Vulcan people


	30. Uncomfortable Truths

Her time on Vulcan so far and the preparation leading up to it had put Amanda in the best shape of her life. This was the result of a rigorous conditioning routine prescribed by Healer T’Alen and designed to enable Amanda to live with greater ease on her new home planet. It seemed to be helping, she had noticed, and she was grateful that she could move about and breathe without the utter exhaustion that had plagued her when she first arrived. Such training might also help her prolong her life here. Although Amanda had never spoken of this to Sarek, she was determined to extend her lifetime as much as she could, to maximize their time together in spite of their significantly different lifespans.

She had also discovered a second, and almost as important benefit of these routines: they provided welcome, needed distraction and stress relief from the at-times trying process of integrating into Vulcan society. Peace and logic notwithstanding, this ancient culture was also insulated and tradition-bound, making her attempt to adapt into it challenging indeed. On her way home after the student conferences, she decided a grueling workout was exactly what she needed.

She saw Sarek’s flitter when she arrived, but not finding him in any of D’H’Riset’s main rooms, she grabbed her exercise gear and headed downstairs. _He_ _’_ _s probably meditating, or exercising himself._

The fortress housed a very well equipped gym underground, she had discovered to her delight.  It was set up for Vulcan activities, but that didn’t prevent her from enjoying its welcoming coolness for her own.

Her train of thought led Amanda to muse again on their differences. Vulcans, for example, did not seem to share Humans’ enthusiasm for competitive team sports. _Perhaps it_ _’_ _s because of the inherent violence,_ she hypothesized. She shook her head, recalling the one time she had taken Sarek to a professional soccer game on Earth.

_July, 2230_

_It had been a hot summer day where the two teams were playing, for once, nearly comfortable outdoor weather for Sarek, and Amanda was looking forward to sharing this particular aspect of Earth culture with him. That is, until the fouls began.  She had forgotten how physical a game it was, and today_ _’_ _s match was a particularly aggressive one._

_“_ _I_ _’_ _m sorry for the violence,_ _”_ _she had hastily apologized after an especially flagrant personal foul caused a player to limp off the field, his leg bleeding. She suggested that they could leave, but he demurred. She then explained that the referees called penalties on players committing such acts as a way of discouraging the infractions.  Unfortunately, thus educated, Sarek immediately and systematically began to take note of the many fouls that the refs failed to catch, as well as the ones faked by the players. Amanda began to see why some Vulcans regarded Humans as barbaric._ I should have taken him to that chess tournament instead, _she had thought._

_To make matters worse, a fistfight broke out in the stands in front of them, fans from opposing sides piling on until stadium security arrived to break up the alcohol-fueled melee. Observing the situation from their box, Sarek had turned to her, brow raised, to comment,_ _“_ _At least there are no weapons involved,_ _”_ _and she could do little else but laugh at his dry humor._

The unexpected sound of metal clanging pulled her from her reverie, and concerned, she followed the noise to its source. Rounding a corner, Amanda stopped in her tracks with a gasp -- and the abrupt realization that Sarek’s apparent joke back then had not been about Humans.

The scene before her was like nothing she had ever seen. Sarek stood in the bare circular room brandishing a huge, semi-circular blade counter-weighted on its shaft by a heavy cudgel, and facing another thusly armed male who was equally as tall but far more muscular. Only the fact that they were both wearing the same sort of thin, close-fitting garment told her that this wasn’t a random, violent encounter with someone bent on mayhem, as if that sort of thing even happened on Vulcan.

Before Amanda could react further, Sarek lunged at the other man, driving him backward with his weapon before his opponent suddenly feinted, spun and lashed out in turn, forcing Sarek to jump back to avoid being struck. The vicious blade sliced through the air perilously close to her husband’s chest.

“Sarek!” she cried, aghast.

At the sound of her voice both Vulcans froze. Sarek’s eyes flew to hers with a look of surprise – _and_ _guilt?_ – before he recovered himself.

“My wife,” he answered calmly, as if he had not just been engaging in what looked all too much like lethal combat.

“Sarek?” Amanda repeated. “What are you _doing?_ _”_

“We are sparring.”

The other Vulcan turned toward her and bowed his head.  “I am Siltor, _T_ _’_ _Sai_ ,” he intoned respectfully.  “I am the S’chn T’Gai _ranavensu t_ _’_ _morov_.” He then turned back to Sarek, critiquing his moves from this last round.

“‘Combat trainer’?” Amanda repeated, incredulous. “Sarek, what is going on?”

“It is traditional,” her husband tersely replied, stubborn and displeased by her interruption.

“But why do you need training –with _those_?” she persisted.

“My wife.” Sarek was firm. “You need not be concerned. Siltor and I will be finished shortly, and I will speak with you then.”

Amanda’s eyes widened at the obvious dismissal. _What the -- ? You bet I_ _’_ _ll speak with you later._ She certainly didn’t want to watch any more of this. She also didn’t trust herself to respond to him right now. She turned to go as quickly as she could, but she couldn’t help hearing Siltor’s next instructions to her husband.

“When we are finished with the _lirpa,_ we will continue with the _ahn_ _’_ _vahr_ and then with the _ahn_ _’_ _wun.._.”

_What is going on?_

ooo

Later, after pressing for an explanation a second time, she was surprised again by his aloofness.

“My wife, you will not make demands,” he began, his Vulcan mask firmly in place.

“Sarek, I’m just trying to understand,” she replied, exasperated.  “You scared me this evening. Why do you need to train with deadly weapons all of a sudden?”

He took a careful breath. “Practice with these ancient hand weapons is traditional, as is our similar practice using many forms of martial arts.  Such training incorporates discipline, physical conditioning, and self-defense, and as well serves to remind us of our violent past, of the necessity for our control.”  _This philosophical justification is truthful,_ he thought, consciously omitting the very practical reason for the weapons training, preparation for a potential _kal_ _’_ _if_ _’_ _fee_.

He most certainly did not suspect that Amanda planned to invoke the challenge, but instead was concerned about possible threats to her and his right to her. He had already reinstated the extensive, redundant and unobtrusive security network he had laid in place for her protection while they were on Earth, and now he wished to ensure that he was equally prepared to defend her personally. He would employ both the control and the expertise to do so with devastating effectiveness, if so needed. Given what he had learned earlier this day, it was only logical.

Amanda looked at him dubiously following his explanation, as if she suspected he was omitting something significant. _My wife is indeed intelligent; of that there is no doubt_ , he thought _._

Seeking to divert her attention, he said, “ _Aduna_ , it is time for end-meal. Attend.”

ooo

Later after a quiet meal, Amanda frowned as they arose from the table, remembering that she had forgotten to ask Sarek about Syvar’s strange comment. She hoped that mentioning it to him wouldn’t result in the student being summarily thrown out of the academy, at least, not until she learned more about the origins of his unseemly remark.

Her _adun_ noticed her scowl. “What troubles you, my wife?”he asked.

She flushed in spite of herself. “Something a student said to me today. I should probably just ignore it, but…he told me that some Vulcans believe I am here as your…” She hesitated before continuing, embarrassed, “you won’t believe this, but…as your ‘sex servant,’ your _guv_ _’_ _dvinsu_. Isn’t that awful -- and ridiculous?”

To Amanda’s great surprise, Sarek didn’t say anything. Other than a minute flare of his nostrils at her revelation, quickly suppressed, he didn’t react at all. He simply stood, motionless, for a long moment, before slowly reaching to brush her cheek with the backs of his fingers.  His eyes held a soulful look, but she couldn’t tell what he was thinking.  He didn’t offer her the _oz_ _’_ _hesta_ and the bond was closed to her. Then he regained his stoicism and the look died, a curtain of non-emotion falling down over his face.

“I…have much to occupy me.  I will be in my study.”

Stunned, Amanda watched him stride away, the edges of his robe fluttering in the corridor.

ooo

In the ancient quarter of Ski’Kahr, Skon recounted to his _aduna_ what had occurred that day at the High Council. T’Pau listened gravely to her bondmate.

“I am aware,” she affirmed when he had finished.

Skon raised a brow. “Indeed?”

“Sarek requested my intervention.”

Skon’s other brow joined the first. “Indeed…”

“Of course I cannot. I informed him thusly.”

Skon nodded in concurrence, pensive.

“I see now that it was a grave error sending him to Terra unbonded,” T’Pau continued.

“How so, _Aduna_?” Skon asked, inquisitive. When T’Rea had divorced Sarek to pursue the way of the _Kolinahr_ , Skon had agreed with T’Pau’s assessment that sending him back to Terra to focus on his duties was the most logical course of action.

“Is it not obvious?” T’Pau replied. “While on Terra for an extended period without a suitable replacement for his previous bondmate, he made the ill-considered decision to bond with a Human.  We are now seeing the repercussions.”

“Do you believe Amanda Grayson is unsuitable?”

“She is Human. My own judgment as to her worthiness is irrelevant at this time. Her status as an offworlder has stirred controversy among the conservative elements on the council and elsewhere, and those results must be managed. It was not logical to provoke such a situation,” the matriarch argued.

“This is true,” Skon agreed, “but I do not believe Sarek chose her simply because he was unbonded. You yourself have said their bond is strong.  I hypothesize that our son made his choice for logical reasons.”

T’Pau scrutinized her husband for a long moment. “You are enamored of Humans,” she dismissed, “and I assert that your ‘logical reasons’ are simply diplomatic words for an illogical, emotional attachment.”

“My wife, it is indeed fortunate for the state of Vulcan’s interplanetary relations that you turned down that seat on the Federation Council,” her husband returned, dry and unperturbed. He extended his two fingers.

The matriarch raised a brow at his comment, but she joined her fingers to his.

ooo

Later that evening, Amanda tried to work, and then tried to read, both without success.  Sarek was still locked away in his study, either working or meditating, and she felt decidedly unwelcome interrupting him there given his earlier demeanor.  _Something is bothering him. And that rude comment is related. What is going on?_ She was confused, and not a little hurt, by his behavior.

For some reason she did not fully grasp, she found herself recalling their arrival on Vulcan, and wondered if it had held any portent of what was to come. 

 _11 th of _D'ruh _, Vulcan year equivalent to 2231_

_It had been quite late, local time, when they left the spaceport in Shi_ _’Kahr to travel eastward toward the fortress.  They rapidly left the city behind and were soon travelling in the velvet blackness of the moonless Vulcan night_ _– for T_ _’Kuht was not in the sky at this time_ _– with only a bright splash of stars overhead for illumination. Alien stars, whose patterns she did not yet know, but would learn in time._

_The aircar did not need them, however, programmed to its destination, and the couple flew on in silence. Then the darkness of the desert abruptly transformed.  Lights designed to guide approaching traffic lit along the fortress_ _’ outer walls, immediately alerting anyone traveling near its massive presence. The gates silently opened for their familiar transponder, and they flew inside._

_Sarek set the flitter down in front of the main entrance. Amanda looked upward toward flickering lights_ _–_ Are those torches at the door?  _They were. How strange. She hadn_ _’t noticed those the last time they were here. Perhaps the_ _most advanced society within the Federation and yet decorated with the trappings of the most archaic._

 _Her husband_ _’s hand was outstretched now to help her out of the aircar and lead her up the steps. She half thought he would lift her over the threshold again as he had done before. Instead, he stopped at the entrance and offered her the_ oz’hesta _before leading her inside. Once on the other side of the grand doorway, he inclined his head to her and spoke._

“Ha-kel t’nash-veh heh ek t’nash-veh i’namtor t’du, Aduna-dorli.”

_Amanda felt her throat catch at the sound of the ancient words and at the surge of devotion she felt from Sarek through their touch._ _“I love you._ _”_

//I cherish thee.//

_There were no other matters for them to attend to; their belongings, or rather, what were mostly her belongings, would be delivered early in the morning. So she shouldn_ _’t have been surprised when, without further ado, Sarek scooped her up and began carrying her up the long, sweeping stairway._

_//Sarek?//_

//You are fatigued,// _came his matter-of-fact reply._

He’s right, _she thought, relaxing against his firm frame as he effortlessly carried her upward into her new home._

 _They reached the top of the first set of stairs, a narrow, low entry framed by thick sections of wall opening to the wide landing beyond, quite different from the airy passageways and tall arches in other parts of the building.  When they passed Amanda could see that the walls were, in fact, an imposing set of thick, stone doors. She hadn_ _’t noticed those before, either._ Maybe they’re old-fashioned fire doors, _she guessed._

_Sarek started up the second lengthy staircase and she couldn_ _’t resist teasing him._ _“Is it logical, my husband, to have our bedroom up so high in this massive castle, and behind huge stone doors?_ _”_

_As if it were obvious, he answered,_ _“It is for your protection._ _”_

_“You mean would have been,_ _” Amanda corrected, then clarified at his puzzled look,_ _“in ancient times._ _”_

_Thinking his Human wife was simply seeking to clarify the fortress_ _’ age, he replied,_ _“As you may recall, use of this structure as a dwelling dates to well before the Awakening. Its original protections are still functional, although they have been supplemented by modern safeguards._ _”_

_She, in turn, thinking he was referring to fire controls and other suppressants of environmental hazards, quipped,_ _“Well, as long as you_ _’re not expecting any invading hordes_ _…”_

_“Of course not, my wife. Vulcan has been at peace for five thousand years,_ _” Sarek replied with equanimity as they finally reached the top._ _“But nonetheless, a bondmate is most precious, and it would be illogical to expose you to any unnecessary risks._ _”_

_Amanda had fleetingly wondered if he had meant what she heard, that protections remained in place against violent intrusion, even after millennia of peace. But she had been immediately distracted from further thought on it by her husband welcoming her to their bedchamber with an extended, sensuous kiss that curled her toes and made her insides tremble._

//Aduna t’nash-veh,// _he thought to her, carefully relieving her of her traveling garments._ //You are mine.//

That had been months ago – Vulcan months? Terran months? She would have to calculate how many of each.  But even then there had been so many things that were different, alien to her experience, to which she should have paid more attention in order to understand better the subtle – and the very unsubtle – unfamiliarities of her new world that she would need to navigate.

She was troubled as she thought on this now. How many truths about her adopted people was she missing, to her and her husband’s detriment?  Could she truly find a place here? Was Sarek simply out of sorts tonight, or was something else going on?

Her mind’s eye kept returning to the image of Sarek, _lirpa_ in hand and obviously very familiar with its use, more… _alien_ than she had ever seen him. Amanda wondered what else she would discover. What more would he learn about her that he would find equally strange?  Rumination offered no useful answers, and she finally allowed sleep to claim her worried mind.

ooo

That night, long after Amanda had fallen asleep, Sarek joined her. He had allowed her to go to bed alone and confused by his behavior, and he detested himself for that.  But he was not ready to explain the situation to her. He would not see his wife frightened or believing she was unwelcome on his world any more than she already did. He needed to protect her here, it seemed, from potential hostile threats just as he had on Earth, and from a surprising amount of negative emotion –including his own that he was still fighting to control.

He was gravely concerned that he had overlooked the potential for this situation.  It was true, in his rush to secure his mate, he had neglected to consider sufficiently how insulated many of his people remained, in spite of their technological advancement and millennia-old space-faring capability, and how intensely conservative some populations were, including many members of the High Council. Even though his desire to bond with Amanda had been quite logical, it was inexcusable to leave her, and their bonding, open to political attack.

That the council was even willing to entertain debate based on Sered’s xenophobic claims was disturbing, philosophically and politically, and a threat to Sarek’s position as well as to his standing on Vulcan. But his status was far less important than the need to keep his _aduna_ safe and content.

Sarek reflected that the two of them could easily live and work almost anywhere they found mutually agreeable; they need not remain on Vulcan if it proved inhospitable.  However, his sense of duty told him otherwise. 

In Sered’s words and the council’s actions Sarek detected a threat to Vulcan as well as to his marriage.  If the council sought to block his marriage, what then would it mean for the practice of IDIC, honored since the time of Surak, and what of Vulcan’s relationships with other worlds? Turning away from those philosophies and policies meant rejecting values that had kept Vulcan at peace since the Awakening. And an insular, inward-turning Vulcan could endanger the security of the Federation itself. If an unstable Federation tempted its interstellar rivals, the fragile peace in this part of the Galaxy could itself be destroyed.

He did not retreat.  Neither had his ancestor. Surak never shied from a battle; he simply faced it using peaceful means. Just as it had been during the Time of the Awakening, Sarek judged retreat unwise now in the face of hostile opponents, and illogical considering his bondmate’s only offense was to have been born a Human.

Sarek of Vulcan faced an inescapable conclusion. If his bondmate would not be accepted, then his marriage and the Vulcan culture Surak had fought and died to build were both threatened.  He must stay and fight –peacefully– to defend them, for both were precious.

Then he faced another conclusion, equally inescapable. While his own duty as the heir to Surak was clear and unavoidable, his bondmate had no such obligation to remain in a hostile, alien environment. And it would be unacceptable for him to demand that she do so. He would not have her pay for the intolerance of others. The thought chilled him to his core, but he could not avoid the logic of it: If remaining on Vulcan were to prove too difficult for Amanda, the alternative would be to face living apart from her much of the time – or having to let her go entirely, if that became her wish. The cost, therefore, could well be his life, either from a broken bond or an unresolved _pon farr_. The needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few, or the one.

 _No_. Such a possibility was simply unallowable. He would not permit Amanda to bear such unhappiness that their circumstances could come to this. She was his bondmate, and it was his duty to provide for her and protect her, in addition to whatever other duties he had to fulfill. There would be no compromises. _She is mine, my_ k'hat'n'dlawa _. I will prevail._

Within the security of the blanketing darkness, he pulled her close.  He needed to feel the quiet hum of her sleeping mind, the softness of her body next to his. He needed _her_. _She is mine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Aduna t’nash-veh” – “My wife”  
> ahn’vahr – a type of double-edged sword  
> ahn’wun – bola-like, traditional Vulcan weapon  
>  “Ha-kel t’nash-veh heh ek t’nash-veh i’namtor t’du, Aduna-dorli.” — “This, my home, and all that it encompasses, are now yours, my honored wife.”  
> lirpa – traditional Vulcan weapon with a semi-circular blade on one end of a long shaft and a bludgeon on the other  
> ranavensu t’morov – combat trainer


	31. Things Not Said

Amanda awoke to quiet, deep darkness, awakened by Sarek’s overheated embrace.  This wasn’t unusual; she knew she simply had to squirm against him a little and he would release her, even in sleep. So she was surprised when she did so and his grip tightened around her instead.

She bit her lip in the dark.  She didn’t want to wake him, for she guessed he had come to bed quite late. His manner had been distant and his behavior more than a little strange yesterday. Feeling his arms around her now was a pleasant change, but what Amanda really wanted was communication, in words or thought, to know what was bothering him. Even though they were touching and she could feel the quiet thrum of his resting mind, she couldn’t determine if he was still out of sorts. She could only detect an overwhelming desire to protect, his deep devotion, and concern coupled withdetermination.

What he was so resolute about she did not know, and why his sense of protectiveness seemed even more amplified than usual she couldn’t tell. But her heart melted in the profound warmth of that devotion he could not express aloud. Amanda projected the same to him, and hoped that whatever the reason for his concern, that it could be resolved quickly.

_//I love you, my husband, so very much...//_  

_I_ _’_ _ll talk to him in the morning,_ she thought to herself as her eyelids began to close once more.

But when Amanda awoke hours later, Sarek was already gone.

ooo

Alerted by his bondmate’s gentle probing through their bond, Sarek awoke in the dark hours before dawn. She was just falling back to sleep so he did not apprise her, but he could sense what she had been trying to convey. The strong, insistent waves of her love washed up against his mind, nearly overwhelming him with their intensity. She was concerned for him, he felt that too, but mostly he sensed her love.

_She honors me. I will protect her, and her place by my side, as I will defend the practice of IDIC against the illogic of fear and_ _bigotry_ _on my world_. _And I will protect her from knowledge of this conflict. It is not of her doing, and I will not have her needlessly concerned._

Determined anew, his fingers wrapped around her hand and twined in her hair as he, too, allowed sleep to temporarily reclaim him.

ooo

At dawn the next day, his wife still fast asleep, Sarek arose as usual for meditation and exercise. His morning contemplation centered around Sered’s claim that his bond with Amanda was un-Vulcan. He, of course, rejected the idea, but forced himself to evaluate it nonetheless.

He recalled -- with some difficulty, for he reflexively resisted doing so -- his bonding and one Time with T'Rea. With her, there had been need. Tremendous need, of course, but not, as he now understood it, any _desire_. And while satisfying that burning need had brought relief, it had not been accompanied by any of the passion he had come to know with Amanda. Nor had he experienced much need at all for T’Rea prior to the Fires.

None of this meant to cast any aspersion on his former bondmate.  He knew her well, having shared a bond with her since childhood, respected her, and had regarded her amicably. But that was all. And their relationship had turned out to be much less than he had assumed.

He wondered briefly if his relationship with Amanda had come about as a result of this, or if, in his years away from Vulcan, his disciplines had become lax.  Or if he simply responded to her because of his innate and intense curiosity.

_No_. He knew the truth of two things. First, his passion for Amanda was not unVulcan. It was, in fact, _very_ Vulcan, so much so that it was disturbing in its intensity and how it overwhelmed him at times. _I am in control_ , he reminded himself.

Second, although he had neither logical facts nor reasoning to support his belief, he knew with certainty that, no matter what physical vessel Amanda’s _katra_ inhabited, he would have been drawn to her. It was not logical, but it was undeniable.

None of this, of course, was anything he planned to share with anyone, save his wife. It was even difficult to speak of these things with her. In the council, he could convey the strength of his convictions but he certainly would share no personal details.

Of course, he would need to keep the details of his conversations and debates on the council to himself or entrusted very carefully to his aides. He did not want his _aduna_ to learn that he was defending their bond to council members. It was necessary in order to avoid worrying her.

On this point he was resolved. He would not fail to protect her again. He had thought he was removing her from a dangerous environment on Earth to a safe haven here on Vulcan. But instead, during her time on his planet she had endured apparent food poisoning, an aborted attack by I-Chaya, and becoming trapped in an ancient section of the fortress. Further, she had been emotionally distressed by an unwelcoming reception at the VSA and by the threats he encountered during the Nu’un mission. His performance as her _adun_ was frankly atrocious.

They had benefitted from an unlikely confluence of events such that Amanda had not been grievously harmed in any of these situations. Put in Amanda’s terms, they had been lucky. But he could not rely on such an uncertain and fickle safeguard; he would have to redouble his efforts to keep her protected. He certainly would not allow any further distress to afflict her due to his actions.

ooo

The odd situation between them went on for days. Sarek plunged himself into his work, providing no detail to his Human wife. He spent long hours at his office, almost constantly in sessions working with aides, persuading other council members, or conferring with Skon, only returning home long after Amanda had collapsed into exhausted sleep.  Other than brief _oz_ _’_ _hestas_ from which his thoughts were shielded and a few perfunctory kisses, he dared not touch her, except to hold her as they slept. _I cannot risk any wavering in my control, nor allow the possibility that she will learn of the hostility that exists regarding her presence here._

Unfortunately, his strict discipline did not prevent his increasingly worried wife from drawing troubling conclusions on her own.  Her questions rebuffed, it was painfully obvious he was keeping her at a distance. She had no idea why, and he was offering no information. _He insists that nothing is wrong, that there_ _’_ _s nothing I should do differently or be concerned about, but I can_ _’_ _t deny what I see.  He avoids my questions, avoids_ me _._ Amanda closed her eyes as if to avoid seeing the unpleasant results of her thoughts. _Is there something wrong with our bond? Has something happened, and I just can_ _’_ _t sense what it is?_

Ever since their wedding, barely a day went by when they were not intimate in some way. Although never expressed aloud, she could feel his delight and wonder at touching her, pleasuring her, and joining with her, both physically and mentally, in strict contrast to the Vulcan reticence that ruled his outward life.

It had been three days since she had encountered him in that bizarre sparring match with Siltor, and he had not touched her in that way since. To Amanda, it felt like the severest of droughts; only his nightly embrace kept her from drawing the worst possible conclusion.

Finally, one evening she was startled to find him already at home when she returned. Determined, she approached him in his office. “It’s a surprise to find you here, my husband.”

“It should not be; this is my residence as well, as you are aware.”

Amanda persisted, unwilling to have her questions deflected again.  “Yes, of course, but you’ve been working in your office in Shi’Kahr much more than you do here lately.  What has changed?”

Perhaps it was the long hours away from his _aduna_ while dealing with the disturbing political situation, or perhaps it was that he could finally answer a question of hers instead of avoiding it.

“There has been an attack on a commercial shipping convoy en route to the Deneva system. Evidence as to the responsible party is limited, but Tellar is convinced it is the work of Klingons. They wish me to file a formal complaint with the Klingon government on behalf of the Federation. I have informed their embassy that it is premature to do so. I amattempting to avoid entertaining yet another communication from the Tellarite ambassador this evening,” he concluded, suppressing a sigh.

Amanda laughed, so relieved she was that his issue had nothing to do with them, even if it was nonetheless a delicate one. And she knew how dogged the Tellarite official could be. “You’ve got quite a challenge on your hands, my husband!” she sympathized.

Unaware of the significance of that particular term to him, she was unprepared for his sharp look at her words. Dismayed to see his disapprobation yet again and not wanting to make the situation any worse, she quickly murmured, “I won’t bother you, then,” and turned to go.

Her words struck him. He recounted the past several days, realizing belatedly how his behavior, meant to shelter her, would instead be perceived. _A Vulcan wife would not question me so, would not engage in Human worry_ _–_ _but neither would I need to protect a Vulcan wife the way I need to protect her._

           He arose and intercepted her just as she reached the door. “Amanda.” Sarek stood stiffly apprehensive for a moment as she warily turned back toward him.  Slowly, he reached out to caress her cheek with his fingers. “You can never be a bother to me, my wife,” he said quietly.

Amanda’s mystified eyes searched his. “Then why –?” she began, but he shook his head.

“There is nothing I can say at this time, _Aduna_. Please accept this.”

Her lower lip trembled, but she did not cry.

Summoning all of his control, Sarek reached out and pulled her to him, holding her close. There was nothing he could say; he could only hope this was sufficient.

_Something is very wrong,_ she thought. None of the possibilities of what it could be were comforting in the least.

ooo

The fifth day of _re'T'Khutai_ dawned, and Sarek departed the fortress, ready for the council debate to resume. Amanda had no knowledge of this, only that the public calendar showed that Council would be in session today.

He had prepared diligently, logically, carefully assembling his arguments and assessing Sered’s likely responses as well as anticipating questions from the council. Debate was a particular skill of his that he had learned early on in his formal schooling; those abilities would serve him well now.

Having met with the other council members to discuss their viewpoints individually, he was unsurprised to learn that Sered had done the same. He was, however, surprised to learn that a majority of council members were undecided between his position and Sered’s. The importance of IDIC did not necessarily outweigh that of tradition for several, and many wanted more personal details than he was willing to provide to explain his choice. They would need to be persuaded by his logic. The debate, therefore, would be critical, and likely decisive.

ooo

Amanda pulled the cowl of her robe over her head against the unforgiving sun as she marched resolutely toward the High Council chambers. It was clear to her that Sarek’s withdrawal coincided with his first council session. She was determined to get to the bottom of whatever it was that seemed to be consuming him. 

High Council sessions were almost always open to the public, she understood, so attending part of one seemed a logical thing to do. Any Vulcan could attend, she knew, although the tiny number of outworlders residing for any length of time on Vulcan meant that only occasionally would a non-Vulcan be seen in the council chambers. She would just have to make herself inconspicuous. Reaching one of the entrances to the great hall, she slipped inside, seeking to join the throng of observers clustered near the front. 

She had thought to enter unnoticed, but such luck was an illogical expectation. As she began to slide onto one of the long benches, her eyes met those of the Vulcan woman already sitting there. She looked familiar. Searching her memory, Amanda realized with a start that she was T’Zia, the one whose brief, inexplicable tour of duty in the Vulcan Embassy on Earth had puzzled her, now almost two years ago.

Recognition also flashed across T’Zia’s face, and her eyes narrowed in disapproval. “The _q_ _’_ _omi_ causing such trouble would join us here?” she asked in a dark whisper. “How inappropriate.”

“What trouble? What is inappropriate?” Amanda whispered back, surprised.  _What is she talking about?_

“You are. You are a most illogical choice. You dishonor his House, a mere _kum-dutar_ _!_ _”_ T’Zia’s gaze raked over Amanda in obvious disapproval and then flicked away.

Shocked by the unexpected affront, Amanda froze, and decided to retreat to a better location. She rose to move – and then heard Sarek’s voice.

“It was logical,” Sarek was saying.

Unfortunately distracted, Amanda inadvertently tangled a foot in the hem of her long robe, lost her balance and sat down on the bench with a thud. To sensitive Vulcan ears, the sound echoed, and heads turned.

Meanwhile, a second voice spoke, also male. “These are our most private ways. That which is the core of Vulcan has been diluted. It is wrong --”

_I think that’s Sered,_ she thought.

This second voice was abruptly cut off by another, more authoritative female voice, aimed in Amanda’s direction.

_“_ _Who is this?_ _”_

Amanda looked up to see Councilor T’Pran glaring imperiously down at her from the center of the dais up ahead. _Oh, no_. Amanda froze. She looked around quickly and now saw the many eyes focused on her. For a second Amanda felt the childish urge to run, but she held her ground instead. Then her eyes met Sarek’s. He stared at her, expressionless – but she felt the jolt of dismay through their bond. Her stomach lurched.

Before anyone else could react, T’Pran declared, “I am calling a temporary halt to these proceedings.  They are now closed.” She continued, “These debates will be re-opened at a later time. It will be announced.”

Ushers or security guards –Amanda couldn’t tell which –appeared seemingly out of nowhere and began directing observers toward the exits. She closed her eyes in mortification for an instant before turning tail and withdrawing as calmly as possible. It was obvious to everyone in the hall that she was the reason for the mass ejection. _What a nightmare._ _Just get out of here without making more of a scene, Grayson!_ It couldn’t be any clearer that she was unwelcome.

Recalling what little she’d heard before being ordered to leave, she ascertained Sarek was involved in some kind of conflict, and she had a bad feeling it concerned her. _Maybe I don_ _’_ _t belong here at all._ She wondered if retreating to the shelter of her office, or even her home, would be retreating far enough.

ooo

As the spectators began slowly filing out, Sarek watched Amanda’s retreating back while shoring up his resolve. He knew – and could sense – that his _aduna_ was experiencing a significant amount of emotional distress, but there was nothing he could do about it at the moment, trapped by the procedural demands of the debate. _I must first protect her from rejection by the council. The pain she feels now is less than what she would experience if she learned the nature of this debate, or if it concludes unfavorably,_ he told himself. He would address her concerns afterward. _It is logical._

He turned toward T’Pran and was surprised to find her gaze on him. The elder councilor tipped her chin ever so slightly downward in his direction, and he realized to his further astonishment that she had closed the session for his benefit, so that Amanda would not see the rest of the debate. While he mulled over what this could mean for the larger proceeding, outwardly he remained unreactive and stoic, as protocol required.

ooo

Ignoring the stares of the many Vulcans around her, Amanda returned to her office post haste. It was the fastest way to retreat from unwelcome attention. And she had a class to teach in two hours. _Fantastic_. She heard nothing from Sarek. _Why not?_ Reflecting on what had easily just become one of the worst experiences of her life, she wondered what he was thinking. Did he regret marrying her given the uproar it had caused?  Was she only a, if not a trophy, then a diplomatic tool of some sort? Or just some kind of mistake Sarek made resulting from decades spent on her planet? She didn’t believe that, didn’t want to believe that – but something clearly wasn’t right.

She loved him, believed he loved her…but maybe that wasn’t enough in his culture. From what she’d seen today and over the last several days, it seemed doubtful she could fit in here as Sarek’s wife. It was obvious to her what a huge risk he had taken to marry her, to his position within his family, to his position on Vulcan, and perhaps more. Maybe it had seemed workable when they were on Earth, when she wasn’t the alien one.  But remaining on Earth didn’t work for him. Now they were on Vulcan, and it wasn’t working for either of them. Vulcans preached non-emotion for good reason, and maybe T’Pau had been right. Savagely she wiped away the tears she hadn’t asked for.

Unable to think about such possibilities any further at the moment, she turned to preparing for her class.

_I may not belong here but I_ _’_ _m going to conduct myself with dignity for as long as I am_. _Just get through the rest of the day, Grayson._

ooo

That evening, consumed with a sense of foreboding over what had happened and its meaning, Amanda resolved to ask Sarek what had taken place at council, hoping that he would share at least something. She had comm’d him earlier to apologize for the embarrassing scene she’d caused, and he had only replied with a terse, “It is of no consequence.” It was clear he was displeased with her, but she was determined to learn her role in the apparent conflict.

However, she returned home to find several unfamiliar flitters at the Fortress, temporarily deflecting her from her objective. She entered the kitchen to find T’Sirra preparing to deliver a large tray of food.

“ _S_ _’_ _haile_ Soran returns from Earth to take up his post with _S_ _’_ _haile_ Sarek.  They require sustenance now, as they and their aides have been meeting for several _v'hrallar_ ,” the chef informed her on her way out the door.

Amanda immediately trailed after, surprised and curious. “Soran?  I thought he was remaining on Earth.” She had assumed Soran would –quite logically– become Vulcan’s next ambassador there. _Maybe he_ _’_ _s meeting with Sarek about that._

Just as the two women arrived at Sarek’s study the door swished open to emit a small crowd of aides, intent on tasks to accomplish. Amanda recognized T’Sey and two others from Sarek’s office, plus three more who were new to her.

Soran’s voice could be heard as the group exited. “We shall reconvene at the fourth hour tomorrow.”

Amanda rushed through the open door. “Soran! What a wonderful surprise!” she exclaimed, adding, “ _Adun_ ,” as she met her husband’s eyes hopefully. 

Sarek merely nodded, expressionless.

She noticed the unusual appearance of Sarek’s normally neat office –there were PADDs and styli on nearly every surface, plus collaborative work screens, all evidence of an intensive working session still in progress – but she ignored that for the moment.

Soran stood.  “It is agreeable to see you, _T_ _’_ _Sai_. Live long and prosper.”

“ _Sochya eh dif_ ,” Amanda replied, then added, teasingly, “Has the Diplomatic Corps finally had the good sense to appoint you Ambassador to Earth?”

A fleeting expression of confusion crossed over Soran’s face before his reserve fell into place again. “My place is here, _T_ _’_ _Sai_ ,”he informed her solemnly.

“Oh, I see,”she said, although she was now a bit confused herself. “Well, in any case, please join us for end-meal, Soran,” she offered.

“My wife, Soran and I must continue to work after a brief refreshment,” Sarek announced quietly.

It was clear he wanted her to leave them. _Don_ _’_ _t over-think this, Amanda._

“Well, perhaps you and T’Sar can join us in the near future,” Amanda said to Soran, preparing to depart gracefully.

Then she noticed the questioning look Soran gave Sarek.

_Oh, no._

“My wife,” Sarek remonstrated, “now is not the proper time.”

Amanda was silent for a long moment as her mind recounted the painful events of the day, and the past week. The grim conclusions she’d drawn earlier were becoming harder and harder to deny. It was all too much.

 “Enough of this, Sarek!” she snapped, well aware that her rampant Human emotions were on full display and unable to do a thing about it. “Will you just tell me what’s going on? Please tell me _something._ Don’t shut me out! This has been going for days! There was that horrible session today, unbelievable statements from my students, and now I find you two acting like you’re” -- she said the most hyperbolic thing she could think of –- “preparing for _war_ or something!”

Sarek drew himself up, about to issue a characteristic denial, when her words registered with him. _She is very nearly correct, in modern terms._   Soran looked over at him again, concerned. He schooled his expression into nothingness, intending to dismiss her concern, when suddenly Amanda’s eyes teared up and she bit her lip.

“Oh, forget it, Sarek. Forget I was even here!”Tears came immediately as she realized with a sharp pang the possible meanings of “here” she could apply – _here in Sarek_ _’_ _s office, or here as Sarek_ _’_ _s wife?_ She turned on her heel and fled up the stairs.

Frozen, Sarek stared after her. After a moment, he slowly brought his eyes to his friend’s. “I…must see to her,” he said, his voice low, reluctant but knowing that Soran had accepted the rather unique dynamics of his bonding. He was grateful when Soran simply tilted his head in acknowledgment.

He found her in one of the upper hallways, crying. “Amanda.”

She refused to look at him, shaking her head instead.

“My wife, attend.”

Now she did look up, and her red-rimmed eyes startled him. It took him a moment to focus on what she was saying.

“Sarek, let’s not pretend I don’t have some idea of what’s going on here. There’s an issue on the High Council –and maybe more broadly than that – that has to do with us, and it’s causing you trouble. Some student of Vulcan culture I am, if I didn’t foresee this coming!

“I ran into T’Zia at the council session –before I got us all thrown out –and she said as much; that I was ‘an illogical choice’–for you, I assume!”

Amanda wasn’t thinking at all about shielding her thoughts. Her storm of anguished emotions battered his shields, disrupting Sarek’s concentration as he struggled to determine how to comfort her.

Distractedly he acknowledged, “T’Zia was a logical choice for me.”

His statement slammed her in the gut, confirming her worst fears. She turned from him. “So I gather,” she said tightly, shaking her head. “People have been saying it in so many different ways.  ‘Consort,’ _‘_ _q_ _’_ _omi,_ _’_ ‘sex servant,' ‘experiment,’ _‘_ _kum-dutar_ _’_ …I’m just not meant to be your wife here, am I? Certainly not the wife of the heir to the clan of Surak! To think that I could have been so naïve, imagining that we could marry, maybe even have a family, that I could blend in well enough with no consequences to you at all for blasting apart millennia of tradition--!”

Amanda choked back a sob. “I love you, but I understand if this isn’t working. If you need, want, to make some sort of…alternate arrangement, I won’t give you any trouble. I’m so sorry,” she finished, defeated.

Sarek simply stared at her for a long moment while he parsed the meaning of her words. When he did so, his face froze, his mouth but a thin slash across its hardened lines, before he rather unconvincingly smoothed it over. _That she could think I would want such a thing!_ “We are bonded,” he whispered, incredulous.

 Amanda caught her breath; it was startlingly clear he was angry. Without another word, Sarek took her by the elbow and virtually propelled her to the entrance of their bedchamber. 

“Do not move,” he ordered. He turned and stalked further into their suite, leaving Amanda distraught and nervous about what would happen next.

A moment later he returned from the refresher and wordlessly showed her the items in his hands. One was his supplement hypo-spray, recently discharged.  The second was the dispenser holding the contraceptive suppressor doses. Four of the five spaces were empty. 

“Taking certain actions when one does not desire the outcome of those actions is most illogical,” he informed her tersely. “Dost thou question my logic?” he demanded, his eyes boring into hers.

Amanda sobbed anew.

Grasping her tear filled face in his hands, Sarek’s voice was low and intense. "My wife. The salient point you fail to grasp is that we control the most stringently at precisely those times when our control is the most challenged."

Wide-eyed, Amanda just shook her head again. She gripped the thick, velvety softness of his formal robe and buried her face within it, momentarily overwhelmed.

Her distress radiated through him from their touch. _This must cease at once_. His own control now tenuous at best, he pulled her to him, his eyes searing into hers.

“Are these things what you sense in me? I thought I would have made myself clear by now,” he said severely. “You are not my consort, my _guv_ _’_ _dvinsu_ , nor any type of experiment. Certainly not the spoils from any game. Regardless of what anyone else may claim. You are my _aduna_. You are _mine_.”

With that, he captured her mouth in a furious kiss, all thought of maintaining his overly stoic control abandoned. He swept her up, and still staring down fiercely at her, declared, “T’Zia – and all the others – were logical choices for me. But none of them were the _most_ logical choice. You were. _Only_ you, _K_ _’_ _diwa_ ,” he finished, before burying his face in her hair, inhaling her scent.

He reached their bed, carefully laying her down on it before crawling up beside her. “ _Aduna_ ,” he rasped, his voice husky, as he splayed his fingers. “I have been absent for too long, and I have failed to shield you from needless hurt.  I beg forgiveness. Will you allow me in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kum-dutar -- diplomatic prize  
> v'hrallar - hours


	32. Control

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Amanda implored, staring at the ceiling as she lay next to him. The rush of thoughts and images he shared with her from the past several days was brutal, and it was heart-rending for her to experience what he had gone through. As for herself, she had heard and seen enough by now to not be greatly surprised – just angry. _How is this kind of behavior logical?_

“There was nothing you could have done.”

Seeing the exasperated shake of Amanda’s head, Sarek added, now on the defensive, “And it is my duty to protect you. I would not have the illogical behavior of some on the council unduly distress you.”

Amanda snorted.  “And what we just went through these last few days _wasn_ _’t_ ‘unduly distressing’?”

Sarek permitted himself a small sigh. His wife was quite emotional at the moment. Protecting her from emotional harm seemed just as reasonable and necessary as keeping her safe from physical dangers. It was his duty, and he would not see her hurt. This time his efforts had obviously been inadequate. He would simply have to do a better job of shielding her in the future.

“Sarek, I never want to have to go through this sort of thing with you again,” she told him earnestly. “Sharing things with one another – including the troubling things – is what married people do.”

“It is my duty to protect you,” Sarek repeated, stubborn and unconvinced.

“Well, to do that, we’ll just have to prove them wrong,” Amanda said, quiet determination in her voice.

He looked at her quizzically, brows raised. “Please elaborate, my wife.”

“We will have to show the Council that your decision to marry me wasn’t illogical and is, in fact, consistent with Surak’s teaching of IDIC, and that you haven’t flouted tradition in doing so -- or lost your mind. I understand you’ve been working on a very carefully constructed plan with Soran to do this, but don’t you think you would logically have a better chance of success if I knew what you were planning and could contribute? Just like we addressed very similar issues on Earth before we married?”

Sarek scrutinized his Human wife with respect.  Far from allowing her emotions to incapacitate her when she learned of the actions of the council, she was assessing the situation quite dispassionately – and accurately. Meanwhile, he chastised himself, he was wrestling with his instincts – at the expense of his logic.

“Your point is a logical one, _K_ _’diwa_ ,” he conceded, even as those instincts refused to yield entirely. _It is logical that she be involved. But I still must see to her safety. She is mine._

Amanda regarded her Vulcan husband. This cultural difference had tripped them up before. She was beginning to understand the biological roots of those attitudes and behaviors of his that she found hardest to grasp. _Maybe it_ _’s also just part of his personality_. She wondered if he ever wearied of constantly striving to be in control, not just of himself, but of everyone around him, always anticipating, managing, persuading, and ultimately, dominating…

As was predictable when Sarek shared a mind-meld with her, he had followed the experience with his ardent, magnificent attentions. This time he had done so in an attempt to offset the upset that his memories caused her, and he had largely succeeded. His actions gave her an idea.

“I’ll be right back,” she murmured, crawling off the sleeping platform and heading into her dressing area. Sarek, still ruminating on protecting his wife, paid scant attention.

When she returned a few moments later, he hadn’t moved from where she’d left him, lying on his back with hands above his head, eyes distant, contemplating. His posture confirmed her intent. Although the political situation he and they faced was serious, Amanda believed her husband needed a respite from the constant weight of responsibility. Even if only a brief one. And she had an idea of how to provide it.

“Husband,” she began, sitting near his head and taking one of his hands into her lap, “will you tell me something?”

“Of course, my wife.”

“It’s a linguistic question.” She smiled, and took his other hand into her lap.

“Indeed?” The feel of her hands on his was quite pleasant. _She is feeling affectionate and_ _– mischievous?_  Had she already put the stress of the day’s emotional events behind her? Always curious about his Human wife’s ways, he was intrigued.

“Yes. These two words, _pehkau_ and _kroykah_ , both mean ‘stop.’ What is the difference between them?”

“The latter is always used as an imperative.”

Now Amanda laid out the item she had retrieved from her dressing area. It was a hair wrap, of a lengthy, traditional style that could be used as a head cover or to wrap a waist-length braid. She stretched it out, as if preparing to wrap her hair, making a loop at one end.

“ _Pehkau_ can also be used as an imperative, though. Is there a context where one is preferred over the other?”

Sarek turned his head to look at her, wondering at the reason for her questions, but his wife merely seemed inquisitive, if a bit distracted with her hair accessory. He actually hoped she wouldn’t put her hair up just yet; he had an admittedly illogical preference for seeing it down.

He strove to answer her question. “The word _pehkau_ can be used in many contexts.  The use of _kroykah_ , however, is usually limited to situations involving an individual’s behavior, when that behavior must cease immediately.”

“So, like when disciplining a child?”

“No. The term is used almost exclusively with adults.” Sarek worked to dispel a small but growing sense of discomfort. He did not wish to discuss with his wife the reasons for the strong cultural conditioning that surrounded the use of this particular word.

“ _Mm-hmm_ ,” Amanda responded, sounding satisfied with his explanation, and Sarek was relieved. She had a better understanding of its connotation than he thought, however, and she prepared to use it to her advantage.

By now she had made large loops in both ends of the long wrap. Still stroking his hands, she gracefully slipped one over each wrist, rubbing the silky fabric along his skin.

Her husband looked at her inquisitively. “My wife?”

“ _Shh_ , it feels nice, doesn’t it?” she soothed.

Sarek flicked a brow. It was not unpleasant, just… unfamiliar. “It is acceptable,” he allowed.

“That’s good,” Amanda purred. Then she asked, “Sarek, do you trust me?”

His brows shot up. “Of course, _Aduna_. You are aware of this.” He wondered why she would ask such a question.

“I am aware, _Adun_ ,” she reassured him. “So know that if anything I do becomes _un_ acceptable, just tell me and I will stop… immediately.”

Now Sarek was truly puzzled. “You will stop what, Amanda?”

She smoothly rose to tuck the middle section of the hair wrap firmly under one corner of the platform’s dense, futon-like mattress, tightening the loops and effectively pinning his hands above his head. His arms immediately tensed against the silky fabric and his brows rose in question.

“This,” she said, coming back around to straddle him at his knees. She looked down at him, arching her brows. “I am well aware, Husband, that you are quite capable of freeing your hands without much difficulty. However, for the next little while, I forbid it. Understood?”

“I understand what you wish, but I do not understand the purpose – ”

Amanda silenced him with a kiss. Placing her hands at the sides of his face, she kissed him long and deeply, pausing to tug suggestively on his lower lip with her teeth. Through their bond she could sense his puzzlement shift to interest and desire.  She sat back, appreciating the stretch of his naked body before her.

Now was the time when, if he had not initiated the sexual activity, Sarek would typically take control of it. He moved to pull her back down to him, but encountered the restraint of the taut fabric around his wrists. He tugged at it.

“Release me,” he grunted.

Amanda smiled and shook her head.

_Such noncompliance is illogical._ “Now, my wife,” he commanded brusquely.

With that she leaned over him and he thought she would comply, but instead she ran her hands up his extended arms so her body was stretched tantalizingly along his.

“No,” she whispered.

Sarek felt the sudden rush of blood to his groin and wondered at his body’s reaction to her surprising refusal. _She indicates refusal, but her actions suggest otherwise -- ?_ Distracted, he pulled at the material again, harder this time.

Amanda drew up abruptly, a stern look in her eyes. _“Kroykah!_ _”_

Sarek froze. Like every Vulcan male, he had been thoroughly conditioned to such a response, a social safeguard against out-of-control behavior during _pon farr_.

“That’s better,” she said with approval.

He blinked. “My wife, that is not the intended purpose – ”

“Regardless, my husband,” Amanda smoothly interrupted, “we agreed that you will not attempt to free yourself until I say so.” She leaned forward again and took one of his nipples in her teeth, and then teased it with the tip of her tongue.  “Understood?”

She began to kiss her way across his chest toward the other nipple, all the while stroking her soft, cool hands up and down his sensitized body. His _lok_ rose up against her.

Sarek fought to keep still under his _aduna_ _’s_ ministrations, although it was becoming more and more difficult. Her behavior was unexpectedly enticing, and by now the intensifying need building within was demanding his attention. He gripped the wrap between his wrists, preparing to snap it in two.

Amanda saw him move and swiftly moved to bring her lips down next to his straining _lok_. “ _Kroyy-kahhh_ …” she breathed, tapping her forefinger against his taut shaft in remonstration.

Sarek lay back, swallowing. Surely his forebears had not anticipated this application of the ancient conditioning!

“Are we understood, Ambassador?” she asked a second time, before applying her tongue to his member. Then she took him into her mouth, and Sarek fought not to gasp. Slowly, with her tongue and her breath, she teased his ridges. Sensuously, she fondled his testicles, forcing him to restrain a moan, while decadently she lavished him, sucking on his head until he was convinced he could become no harder.

A vestige of some defiant, pre-Reform warrior within refused to concede, in spite of this very effective persuasion by his wife. Freeing his hands would be a very simple matter, even if he were experiencing some difficulty concentrating. “I did not, in fact, agree to any such thing,” he managed stubbornly. He twisted his upper body, attempting to dislodge the wrap from beneath the mattress.

“Well, then,” Amanda replied, sitting back again. The pleasant sensations ceased.

Sarek barely managed to stifle a groan.

Amanda stared down at him, shaking her head. “ _Tsk, tsk!_ _”_ she clucked.

Sarek was torn between desire to remove the impediment to achieving his satisfaction and curiosity over what his wife would do next. He was quite conflicted on several dimensions. His physical and mental controls were more than capable of resisting almost any form of physical provocation, even the most excruciating torture. Yet his control was sorely tried at the moment by his bondmate’s pleasant, if intermittently tormenting, ministrations.

Typically he would tolerate such provocative behavior only briefly, and then only to seize control and bring such activity directly to its logical conclusion. She was his, and he was a Vulcan male; his need to dominate was a direct result of his biology. Actions that even hinted at real rejection in this realm triggered a host of extremely unpleasant and potentially dangerous instincts that Sarek scrupulously sought to avoid. If he could not control his arousal – and he had learned how difficult this was when stimulated by Amanda – he would simply have to control the interaction that followed instead. Loss of control was to be avoided at all costs.

Hence he found his current position most difficult to resolve. If he were under any kind of hostile threat he would either free himself or refuse to allow his body to react. If he desired his wife, he would engage in the behavior that would lead to mating. In either case he would be in control. Now, however, he desired her greatly, but she was seeking to control him. His body’s responses to her were extremely pleasant, but giving up control was unacceptable. Her actions were both pleasing and disturbing; he was not yet sure of the net effect. His mind struggled to process the contradiction.

“My husband, you are not the most… responsive to direction, I think,” Amanda reproved, teasing amusement in her voice. “But surely you have enough control for this…?”

Scooting up to straddle his hips, she slowly began to rock back and forth on him, rubbing her sex up and down his shaft.

The effect was most… provocative. And the prospect of imminently losing control was alarming. Now certain that he had very little time before he would be overcome, he growled tightly, “Enough, my wife.”

Amanda halted, poised above him.  “Do you want me to stop?”

_Of course not!_ The feel of chill air on his _lok_ instead of her soft, moist body was decidedly unpleasant.  “I wish you to release me,” he hissed, not entirely succeeding in keeping the frustration out of his voice.

“Oh, really?” She teased, “Are you sure?” Agonizingly slowly, she lowered herself down onto him, starting to take him inside – until she stopped.

His jaw clenched. “My wife, provoking me is most unwise,” he gritted. He needed her, would have to have her _very_ soon. The impatient, aroused male within Sarek did not plan to wait for the conclusion to this confusing game. He bucked upward to meet her.

“Is that a threat, Husband?” she asked, pulling away from him. “You have been rather uncooperative, you know.” Amanda’s voice was firm. “For a change, Sarek, let me take care of you. You may find it quite… agreeable.”

Concern flickered in Sarek’s mind. If he failed to do as she wished, would she refuse him? Even though his life would not be at risk if she were to do so now, the experience was not one he wished to undergo. _Especially not at the moment_.

Before he could answer, she sank down on him again, this time all the way. She pulled up and sank back down repeatedly, slowly stroking him. “Just let me, my husband,” her throaty voice murmured. “You don’t always have to be the one in charge.”

With effort, Sarek focused on what she was seeking to convey. Through their contact he could sense her love and her desire for him, and that she wanted to please him. _Is this yet another, although rather unexpected, application of_ _IDIC?_ He struggled to push his instincts aside. _I do trust her_ _…_ Drawn by the seductive sound of her voice and the intensely pleasurable feel of her body moving around his, Sarek decided that further resistance was illogical. He would control his impulses. _I can do this_ _… I can allow her_ _…_

He lay his dark head back, and Amanda increased her pace. He inhaled sharply, now gripping the imprisoning fabric tightly to keep his hands in place. _I am in control. I am in --_

She rose up higher, almost coming off of him, before grinding down hard against him and trapping his _lok_ deep inside her. His body’s response was inevitable, and he gave himself over to it.

_//I can feel you, Adun_ _…!//_ her mind exclaimed in wonder as she experienced the building rush inside his body. She clenched herself fast around him.

His voice burst out as a strangled exclamation. _“Aduna_ _–!_ _”_ And then something unintelligible.

Sarek should have been surprised by the unexpected, guttural noise that accompanied his forceful climax, but he was otherwise occupied. He bucked sharply, lifting her into the air as he thrust upward, and she twisted and moaned, riding him for what seemed like an ecstatic, drawn-out eternity before they both finally collapsed in a breathless, exhausted tangle on the platform. After a moment, he was able to think again.

_I am_ _… in control. And she is mine._

Silence reigned, except for the sound of their breathing, for several minutes. With smooth grace, Sarek freed himself from his temporary restraint, handing the still-intact hair wrap back to Amanda as if nothing at all unusual had occurred. “An interesting experience,” he commented neutrally, hiding the truth that he was in equal parts surprised and captivated by his Human wife.

“Did you find it unpleasant?” Amanda asked, concern tingeing her voice.

“It is not the Vulcan way,” he responded honestly, “and additional acclimation may be required on my part to fully… appreciate it. I would not be averse, but I would prefer to be notified in advance when you plan to employ such tactics.”

Amanda’s eyes were wide by now, as he expected they would be. Before she began to apologize, he continued, one corner of his generous mouth quirking upward.

“Nevertheless, I should warn you, my wife, that if this is the ‘correction’ you intend to employ whenever behavior of mine requires such, in your opinion, you may find that you are conditioning me in the opposite manner to which you intend.”

For a moment her eyes went even wider in surprise, before they softened and her lips turned upward in the smile of someone who’s realized she’s been teased. She met his outstretched fingers with her own.

Sarek’s other arm reached around and pulled her to him. Amanda nestled close, and they rested together as darkness slowly closed in.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> kroykah – Imperative meaning “Stop immediately!” Used to restrain the behavior of males in pon farr
> 
> lok - penis


	33. Dangerous Interludes

The Vulcan High Council debate took another unexpected turn. This time, a detour. An urgent communiqué summoned Sarek into a classified subspace conference to discuss the Federation’s response to two new, violent incidents not far from the border between Federation and Klingon space.

Two more convoys had been attacked and raided, leaving many casualties and damage highly suggestive of Klingon blasters. In response, several Starfleet ships had been sent to patrol the sector where the convoys had been attacked, causing the Klingon Empire to loudly protest the incursion into space they claimed. Several Federation members, including Tellar, were now also demanding Starfleet escorts for their commercial vessels to ensure their safe passage, while the Empire threatened to retaliate against the Federation for what it perceived were obvious preparations for invasion. The situation was tense, and the time to arrive at a diplomatic solution limited.

It was not long before Sarek informed Amanda, “ _Aduna_ , I must travel to Earth in two days for the deliberations needed to reduce the threat of hostilities.”

Amanda nodded in understanding. She never wanted him to leave, but she knew that tensions were running high on the Federation side, and from what was known about the Empire, the Klingons were a volatile and violent race.  “How long will you be gone, _Adun_?” she asked, masking her worry as best she could.

“My itinerary is as yet uncertain. I may be required to travel elsewhere in addition.” 

She gave him a sharp look at that vague statement and the dangers it might imply. “Where will you have to go, Sarek? Can I come with you?”

Sarek tipped his head in the negative. “Do not be concerned, my wife. As part of an on-going dialogue with the Klingons, there may be long-distance discussions on this issue.”

He had no thought of her accompanying him. He knew it was highly likely that he would be engaging with representatives of the Empire directly as well as over subspace; it would be too dangerous to have her there. Despite the less-than-accepting attitudes of some toward her on Vulcan, she would be far safer at home. He would have Soran to manage the continued politicking on and around the Vulcan council in his absence, as well as coordinate the security network around his wife.

Meanwhile, Amanda’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Sarek, the Federation doesn’t have an on-going dialogue with the Klingons.”

“It will.”

Sarek stared at his wife, determined and implacable. Before she could object further, he spoke again. “You know I find your company… agreeable,” he said softly.  “But you have teaching duties, and travel would not be optimal for you at this time. I will merely be attending to Federation business that is not, in fact, unusual.We will sense one another through the bond, and I will be in contact as often as possible. You must accept this, my wife.”

His voice was quiet but firm, and Amanda knew she would have little success arguing further. Somewhat reassured by his words, she conceded. “All right, Sarek of Vulcan,” she warned, “but I want to hear from you every day!”

Sarek lowered his chin in that Vulcan gesture of affirmation. “Of course, _Aduna_.”

He touched his fingers to hers, and she could feel his affection through the bond. Then as she watched, he sniffed the air ever so delicately before stepping forward to bury his nose at the nape of her neck, softly inhaling. When he pulled back, she was surprised to see his pupils dilated with desire.

“Now that that matter is concluded,” he murmured, his tone low and suggestive, “perhaps we can attend to another, my wife.” He stepped in again, his nose and lips tickling her collarbone.

“Sarek!” Amanda exclaimed, giggling. Fortunately, they were already in their bedchamber.

“I hope you do not find it surprising that I am attracted to my mate,” he responded, turning his attention to the many fasteners in her hair. It was soon spilling down her back, and he leaned in again to inhale, seductively caressing her neck and shoulders. “Your scent is most alluring this evening.”

“Oh?” she breathed, realizing that very soon she was not going to care what it was that had aroused him.

He turned her away from him, pulling her hips against him before his hands moved upward to cup and tease her breasts. “Yes. There is a certain cyclicality to it,” he confided softly. “It is always pleasing, but at times it is quite… captivating.” He leaned forward and nipped her shoulder.

“Oh!” she exclaimed.

“Indeed,” he growled, now working on removing her blouse. But by then his words had penetrated her brain and, curious, she pushed away enough to look at him.

“’Cyclicality?’” she asked, puzzled. “How often do I… er, do you notice this?” _Great_ , she thought, _I have body odor_.

“Approximately every twenty-nine point five days. I assume it is pheromones,” he answered absently, reaching for the closure at her skirt’s waistband.

_Twenty-nine?_ That particular number was a familiar one. Then she recalled where she was in her cycle – about mid-way through. _Am I ovulating?_ she wondered. _And giving off pheromones that he can detect as a result?_  

She knew the Vulcan olfactory sense was quite sensitive. She also knew from somewhere that Vulcan females did not have monthly menstrual cycles, their fertility functioning somehow in conjunction with the multi-year _pon farr_ cycle. If Sarek found her scent attractive, her rapidly fluctuating hormones must create an exotic, olfactory smorgasbord for him, she reasoned. It was a tantalizing thought.

Her skirt and blouse were on the floor, and her husband was making brisk progress on her undergarments as well as on his own clothes. He inhaled again.

“Sarek,” she began again, still curious, “how -- ”

“My wife,” he interrupted, only sounding the slightest bit impatient, “the chemical underpinning of sexual attraction is a fascinating topic. However, I would prefer to indulge your queries at another time. For now,” he said, pulling her to him, “I suggest we engage in empirical research.”

ooo

Two weeks had passed. Sarek contacted Amanda daily from Earth, even though he was immersed in contentious sessions with Federation members, many of whom were demanding a military response to the Klingon transgressions. 

Even as he believed in the prerogative of peace, Sarek additionally believed that aggression by the Federation would be unwise from a military perspective at this time. Their understanding of the Klingon Empire’s capabilities and intentions was too limited to risk an engagement without knowing its implications for a broader conflict. Fortunately, despite the emotional calls for violence from some, he had found a few allies in senior Starfleet personnel who shared his assessment. This enabled him to obtain an agreement to attempt negotiation, even though many remained skeptical of the possibility for success. At a minimum, they would learn more about their adversary.

As a result, the Surak was now warping its way toward the Qu’Vat sector, five days away, just outside of which he would attempt to initiate discussions with a representative of the Empire.

ooo

Amanda stared out the window, feeling out of sorts.  Not only was she having no luck nailing down a critical, linking concept between two lines of analysis for her current paper, but it was nearing mid-meal time and she found herself hungry for, of all things, a burger.

She hadn’t eaten a hamburger, or meat of any kind, in more than two years. Having been nearly vegetarian before she met Sarek, it had not been much effort to become one completely afterward, and the conversion seemed to happen almost without her notice. Philosophically, she agreed with the practice, and on Vulcan, even after allowing for her Human metabolic needs, there were plenty of sources of protein and other nutrients that were wholly animal-free. So why she suddenly found herself daydreaming about a large, carnivorous helping of Terran beef she had absolutely no idea.

Now both frustrated intellectually and disgusted by her odd craving, it occurred to Amanda that a walk outside was the obvious solution to her immediate problems. Walks almost always enabled her to break through any analytical block she encountered, and if she went out now she could undoubtedly procure something satisfying and unobjectionable for lunch.

Today she really wasn’t interested in the company of the security personnel who frequented the vicinity of her office. _Honestly, Sarek, as if I wouldn_ _’_ _t notice you_ _’_ _ve put more guards in place!_ she thought. It took a bit of extra effort, but she was able to depart without their observation.

Amanda took the public transport to the portion of the open market that was open during mid-meal. The light, hooded Vulcan robe she wore provided shade for her face as well as reduced the number of curious stares she would receive –at least, until she got up close to anyone. The scenery of the venerable market, still exotic for her, held her attention for some time while thoughts of her paper ruminated in the back of her mind.

Not surprisingly, of course, it was hot. Very hot, and it wore on her more than she expected. It was unwise to remain outside for long in the heat of the day, that she knew well. She had wandered quite a distance in her search for food and in an attempt to order her distracted thoughts. None of the available foodstuffs in the market seemed appealing; in fact, by now she felt nauseous, and she was running out of time to find lunch. The market was beginning to close up as the day’s hottest temperatures approached.  

Oddly as well, her ability to focus had not improved. It, in fact, worsened when she realized she had forgotten her credit chip as well as her comm in her office. _This just doesn_ _’_ _t seem to be my day,_ she thought, flustered and frustrated and wondering just how she had allowed herself to get into this embarrassing situation. She certainly didn’t want to draw attention to herself at the moment. _I_ _’_ _m behaving like an ignorant tourist_. She’d be sure to draw criticism if she were noticed.

Realizing she needed a place to sit down in the shade, Amanda turned toward the edge of the now-nearly empty market, where a few ornamental desert shrubs offered some slight respite from the blazing sun.

Sarek had been gone for over two weeks on a mission about which he had been reticent to provide details. Now Amanda wondered if this was the cause of the foreboding that suddenly enveloped her, and she castigated herself for not insisting that he tell her more. After all, she had learned her husband had a less-than-helpful habit of withholding information that he deemed potentially distressing for her. _What was I thinking_ _–_ _and how much danger is he in?_ she wondered with a start. _I need to contact his office_ _…_

Her attention was abruptly arrested from that concern, however, by a sharp, jagged pain stabbing at her lower abdomen. Amanda gasped, grabbing onto a nearby post for support. She clung to it, trying to breathe, but every intake of air other than the most shallow increased the stabbing sensation. _What is wrong?!_

The combination of lack of oxygen and the pain was making her light-headed, and her vision swam. An overwhelming sense of exhaustion came over her, and she tried to make her way toward the shade, wobbling on her feet.  There didn’t seem to be anyone nearby, and she had no breath to call for help. Amanda stumbled, and sank to the ground.

ooo

The situation was tense. Sarek’s first missives to the Empire had been rejected, his counterpart demanding an unconditional Federation apology plus withdrawal from the area where the incidents had occurred, and threatening retaliation. Sarek had pressed on, and his last proposal, a ship-to-ship meeting in a neutral system, had been met with mere silence instead of invective. It was a positive indication, given the circumstances.

They would wait for another three standard days at the proposed meeting point for the Klingon envoy to arrive. Orbiting an enormous gas giant nearby while operating at very low power made the _Surak_ difficult to detect, giving her a measure of protection from ambush.

Owing to the security concerns and the precarious state of affairs, outward communications aboard the _Surak_ were strictly controlled, limited and brief. Communications back to Earth or Vulcan could only occur when the planet lay directly between the ship and the meeting point, which occurred only once very two standard days.

During the most recent communications window, Sarek quickly ran down the list of items he needed to cover with his assistant. At the end, he concluded, “Very good, T’Sey.” He paused. “Has there been any communication from my wife?”

“No, _S_ _’_ _haile_ ,” T’Sey responded. “I have left messages at her work place and at your residence. Soran has gone to inquire himself.”

Sarek’s brow furrowed.  While he knew Amanda could become as absorbed in her work as he could in his own, it was unlike her not to return his calls. He had messaged her two days prior, and she had not responded. 

At that moment, the _Surak_ _’_ _s_ communications officer informed him, “Forgive the intrusion, _S_ _’_ _haile_ , but we must terminate transmission at this time.  Security may be compromised otherwise.”

Sarek acknowledged the officer; he, too, was aware that their window was closing.  He spoke quickly. “Take the necessary steps to ascertain _T_ _’_ _Sai_ Amanda’s status, T’Sey. Keep me apprised.” He switched off the comm.

Turning inward to focus on their bond, Sarek could feel only the dimmest glimmer of her presence. He had sensed something akin to sudden concern and great fatigue two days ago, causing him to message her in inquiry. Had she over-extended herself in some activity? Now, Amanda was not shutting him out, but she was not obviously present, either. It was as if she had fallen into a deep sleep.  Her ability to shield had improved markedly since they bonded, but such skill had its disadvantages, he realized. He quelled a rising sense of disquiet, compartmentalizing it for now. 

_She is safe; she is on Vulcan. Security is in place to provide any assistance she may need. There is an 84.16% likelihood that T_ _’_ _Sey will confirm this._

Sarek prepared to turn back to the diplomatic matters demanding his attention, his jaw ever so slightly clenched. Just then, the _Surak_ _’_ _s_ captain alerted him. 

“ _S_ _’_ _haile_ , a Klingon ship approaches.”

ooo

Eighteen hours had passed. Both Klingon and Vulcan ships hung in space, silently observing one another. The _Surak_ _’s_ hails had gone unanswered, and the Klingon ship took no action. Sarek concluded the wait was simply what Humans would call a “staring contest.” In this situation, it was logical not to blink.

Finally, the comm station signaled an incoming message. In seconds the dark visage of a Klingon speaking in harsh, guttural tones filled the viewscreen.

“Vulcan, you waste our time!”

“I am Sarek of Vulcan, representing the United Federation of Planets,” Sarek replied, unruffled. “With whom am I speaking?”

“I am General Klanax,” the Klingon growled, “and I grow weary of sitting in this cesspool of a system staring at your pathetic ship!”

“Indeed. What would you propose as an alternative, General?”

“That I blow you out of space and continue on my way!”

“That would not be a productive outcome from my perspective,” Sarek answered blandly.

Klanax scowled further, the thick ridges on his forehead becoming more pronounced. “Do not continue to provoke the Klingon Empire. You obviously did not come here for an honorable contest; we detect no weapons on your ship. All I can conclude is that you have drawn us here so your Federation can conduct more mischief at our borders!”

“I intend no such deception. I am here to discuss a peaceful solution to our current dispute.”

“There is no dispute! The Federation makes false accusations to justify invasion!”

“We have no plans to invade, General. We simply seek to protect our civilian populations. Do you deny Klingon involvement in the recent convoy attacks?”

“Again you accuse!” the Klingon roared. “Klingons do not make such cowardly raids. We claim what is ours! You falsify these incidents to justify incursions into our space!”

“This sector is unclaimed by either government,” Sarek answered, well aware of his counterpart’s increasingly agitated demeanor.

“Lies,” Klanax dismissed. “As I said, this discussion is a waste of time.” He raised his hand to cut off the communication.

“General,” Sarek interjected, “a moment. Perhaps a demonstration of mutual respect is in order.  I propose that we meet face-to-face to discuss our differences.”

It was clear to Sarek that the Klingons were unsure enough about Federation strength that they were as-yet unwilling to risk all-out war. The presence of the Klingon ship alone said as much. At this point, a demonstration of resolve would work in his favor.

Sarek also sensed at least some veracity in the Klingon’s denial of responsibility for the convoy attacks. Klingons did not typically attack by stealth, he knew, which lent credibility to Klanax’ words. The situation was apparently less clear-cut than it seemed to his Federation colleagues.

Klanax’ face registered surprise, and intrigue. “Where would you have us meet, Vulcan?” he asked suspiciously.

“I will come there,” Sarek said calmly.

ooo

Minutes later, Sarek materialized in a dimly lit hold aboard the Klingon vessel to face Klanax and a dozen armed soldiers. The air was dank and smelled of alien sweat, the restive energy in the room palpable as the warriors lining the walls fingered their weapons.

Klanax broke the silence. “Why do you come here, Vulcan?” he sneered in greeting. “Does your Federation send you crawling in fear to beg for mercy from the Klingon Empire? From me, General Klanax?” He laughed without mirth, and his subordinates joined him.

“No.” Sarek answered with firm authority. “As I have stated, I am Sarek of Vulcan and I represent the United Federation of Planets. I come to seek peace between our two governments because we have no cause for hostility between us. Unnecessary deaths are illogical.”

“To die in battle is to die with honor!”

“To kill innocents is not honorable.”

“Do you say we lack honor, Vulcan?” Klanax demanded angrily. A quick hand motion from the general, and a burly soldier stepped forward, yanking a blade to Sarek’s neck. 

Sarek did not flinch.

“They are not innocent who take what the Empire needs,” the general continued in a menacing voice. “And those who spread lies are dishonorable _Ha'DIbaH_ who should be slaughtered.”

After a long pause, when it was apparent the Vulcan would not react, Klanax gestured, and the soldier stepped away, re-sheathing his dagger with a disgusted grunt.

Uncowed, Sarek pursued his case. “It is possible to work together to provide for the greater good of both of us, without needless death.”

The general was silent for a moment. The Vulcan was clearly brave, to come here alone, unarmed, and to confront him so, and yet to display such bravery merely to advance the foolish cause of pacifism made no sense to him.  Perhaps this alien was not so much brave as stupid. He would find out.

Klanax smiled thinly at Sarek, his teeth glittering in the light. “I wish to think upon your words, Vulcan. I will return shortly.” He turned. “Ka’tang!”

The huge, swarthy guard by the door stood at attention.

“Do not kill him -- yet,” Klanax ordered casually, and then vanished as the bulkhead door clanged shut.

ooo

A short while later the Klingon general stood, taking in the scene before him. His lieutenant lay, stripped of weapons, prone and unmoving on the deck while the Vulcan stood impassively behind him, not a hair out of place.

Klanax’ eyes narrowed. “How did you kill him?” he demanded.

“I did not. We do not kill without reason,” Sarek returned. “He will recover.”

Disbelieving, the general stalked to his fallen soldier and kicked him, not gently, with an armored boot. He was rewarded with a muffled groan. “You speak the truth,”he said to Sarek, surprised. 

“Of course.”

The Klingon turned, hand on the disruptor at his hip, inspecting Sarek cautiously. “With what weapon?” 

“None. I am unarmed.”

Klanax considered. If he was to be believed, the Vulcan had subdued one of his best fighters with his bare hands, quickly and easily. The general barked out an order, bringing two more soldiers who swiftly scanned and searched their visitor a second time, only to yield the same results as the first.

Klanax eyed Sarek with a new respect. Even if this being claimed to be some sort of pacifist, he was clearly capable of defending himself. It would be interesting to learn how the Vulcan accomplished this feat. However, allowing his bioweaponology experts to determine this would undoubtedly require the ambassador’s dismemberment, something the whining functionaries of the Federation would no doubt consider cause for war. And he was not, unfortunately, authorized to initiate that.

The Klingon sighed inwardly. It would be almost as intriguing to engage these aliens in battle. This he could do, given that the Empire claimed this space. The cause of the loss of a Federation vessel inside Klingon borders would be ambiguous, and therefore difficult for the Federation to avenge. Honor demanded that he give such a worthy adversary fair warning.

He drew himself up, hands on his weapons belt, pausing to spit authoritatively before he spoke. “Sarek of Vulcan, Klingons are warriors. We do not beg for what we need, we take. And we will not be dishonored with false accusations.”

“It is illogical to use violence when peaceful means will result in a superior outcome.”

Klanax drew himself up to his full height. “So you may say, but I have my orders. We must defend our borders.” He leaned forward to stare at Sarek more closely. “Even with your strange ways, I suspect you understand some of what it means to be a warrior. So return to your ship and prepare to fight, to die an honorable death. We will speak no more of peace today. _Qapl_ _á!_ _”_

Sarek remained unperturbed while he activated his comm for beam out, even as his mind worked furiously. The _Surak_ would have to escape swiftly if they were to avoid being added to the growing toll of conflict between the Klingons and the Federation. His ship’s transporter beam surrounded him, and he was gone.

True to Klanax’ word, the Klingon vessel immediately powered up its weapons. Fortunately the _Surak_ was faster and more agile, and after some skillful evasive action was able to warp out of range without serious damage.

Not long after his ship had successfully out-maneuvered the clumsier warship, Sarek reflected as he composed his report. It was not surprising that this first attempt at achieving a peaceful cessation to Klingon incursions in and around the Federation had been rebuffed, especially since he now had doubts that the incidents most in question were even the responsibility of the Empire. He was now certain that the calls for action against the Klingons were the product of misinformation, very poor analysis and saber-rattling. Of course, he could not lend support to such demands.

That he had somehow made some sort of a personal impression on the Klingon general was a positive outcome, however, and could become useful in the future. And it was to be logically expected that negotiating any sort of peace between two such diametrically opposed governments as the Federation and the Empire would require many attempts.

Nevertheless, he had to suppress a powerful sense of frustration as his ship warped toward home, toward his wife whose status was in question without him there to protect her, while others on his planet worked to exclude her from Vulcan society.  A small step, only potentially useful, accomplished in the cause of peace that he was sworn to pursue as his family’s duty –but at what cost? 

ooo

T’Sey greeted Sarek without preamble some hours later. “ _S_ _’_ _haile_ , I have news.” 

Outwardly calm, he was suddenly alert with apprehension.

“Upon learning from _T_ _’Sai_ Amanda’s office colleague and your home staff that she had not been seen at home nor at her work area, I contacted the Health Bureau. A Terran female matching your bondmate’s description was admitted three days ago to the Shi’has t’Shi’Kahr. Soran is there now and confirms it is _T_ _’Sai_ Amanda.”

“I will speak with her,” Sarek replied, his tone clipped.

T’Sey hesitated ever so slightly.  “She is in a sort of healing trance, _S_ _’haile_. I will have you speak with Soran.”

_She is unconscious,_ Sarek registered. _What has happened?_

Soran’s face filled the comm screen and Sarek allowed himself some small measure of relief at seeing his reliable friend.

“ _S_ _’haile_ ,” Soran was saying as the screen pulled back to reveal another Vulcan, “this is _Hakausu_ Satak, who has been administering _T_ _’Sai_ Amanda’s care.”

“What is her condition?” Sarek asked.

“The Human was discovered at the open market in Shi’Kahr,” Satak began. “As is typical with Humans brought to the healing center, she had contracted heatstroke. We treated her accordingly.”

_Why was she allowed to develop heatstroke?_

Sarek wondered how his security team had failed. This was precisely the type of situation he had intended them to prevent. He could not inquire, however, for the healer continued.

“When she did not regain consciousness we identified evidence of copper toxicity in her system and have begun treatment for that. This may be due to some dietary imbalance. The female is also experiencing blood loss, apparently a result of the fertility cycle experienced by Humans.”

Satak finished his recitation and looked at Sarek askance. “ _S_ _’haile_ , if you are indeed responsible for this Human, you will have to see that her environmental exposure and nutritional limitations are managed more closely. Due to her poor recovery thus far, at this time I estimate she has a seventy-seven point three eight percent chance of survival.”

Sarek felt his insides clench at Amanda’s condition and prognosis. _How could she have become so endangered?_ he asked himself, casting about for potential reasons.

“Have you evaluated her for a recent pregnancy loss?” he asked, forcing his voice to remain even.

Satak’s brows rose. “It is not indicated,” he replied, surprised by the question. “Spontaneous abortion in Humans does not explain the observed symptoms.”

“She is my bondmate,” Sarek stated, his voice now a bit less even.

Concerned, Soran caught his gaze through the view screen.

“Indeed?” Satak responded, his tone dubious. He shrugged. “In that case, pregnancy in the first place is even more unlikely. Such an evaluation would be illogical at this time.”

It was probably fortunate for Satak that Sarek remained light-years away; the violence that rose up in Sarek’s thoughts at that moment was quite shocking. Even his considerable control was not enough to keep all of the anger from his voice.

“Healer, you will do two things immediately and you will not question me,” he rumbled. “First, you will urgently summon Healers Sorel and Corrigan from the _Shi'Oren t'Ek'Tallar_ to attend my _aduna_. Second, you will evaluate her for pregnancy loss forthwith and report the results to me and to Sorel and Corrigan without delay. Do I make myself clear?”

Satak quickly lowered his head in deference. “As you wish, _S’haile_.” He hurried away.

Sarek turned his attention to Soran. “You will comm me as soon as they arrive,” he said tightly. 

“Immediately,” Soran affirmed before Sarek cut the connection.

Sarek turned away from the comm and marched toward his cabin.  He needed to meditate at once.

ooo

It was not long before Soran was on the comm again, this time with Sorel and Corrigan. Satak hung in the background, subdued.

Sorel addressed Sarek gravely.  “ _S_ _’haile_ , _T_ _’Sai_ Amanda has indeed experienced a miscarriage. Dr. Corrigan advises that this was an _i-sudef-k_ _’kan_ _’es_ , an ectopic pregnancy. The rupture of a fallopian tube most likely caused her to lose consciousness and is now causing the observed blood loss… and the copper toxicity. _Tushah nash-veh k'odu_.”

Sarek inclined his head briefly in silent acknowledgement.  Then, his even tone belying his inner turmoil, he asked, “What is my wife’s prognosis?”

Corrigan stepped forward.  “Ambassador, I’m prepping for surgery right now to stop the bleeding and repair the damage to her fallopian tube. I believe we’ve reached her in time, Sir. She’ll be all right.”

At Sarek’s uncertain look, Sorel clarified, “We estimate a 98.49% probability of complete recovery, _S_ _’haile_.”

“And she should be awake and ready to see you by the time you return,” Corrigan added.

“Your work is commendable,” Sarek said. He did not acknowledge Satak. The state of his control would not allow it.

He ended the transmission and returned at once to meditation.  He was shaken by the precarious state in which Amanda had been found. And while he was gratified at Sorel and Corrigan’s rapid diagnosis and attention to her, he was even more disturbed by what their diagnosis revealed.

Unlike harsh environmental conditions or even hostility from intolerant individuals, in this case the threat to Amanda’s life came from _him_. His desire to have her, a Human, as his bondmate, to mate with her, and even more recklessly, to attempt to procreate with her, had resulted in this peril. He had thought they had taken sufficient precautions in this regard, but now it was clear that those precautions were woefully inadequate – as was his ability to anticipate such a situation. He had allowed himself to be blinded by illogical, emotional thinking, and he must not permit it to happen again.

Further, the differences in their physiologies was a great enough hurdle to be overcome, but the challenges they faced biologically were compounded by factors all around them – factors that primarily involved illogical attitudes held by some Vulcans and Humans. Sarek reflected, the antagonism directed toward his wife and their union was irrational and dangerous enough, as they had seen on Earth, but the sheer indifference of _Hakausu_ Satak could have been just as harmful, if not more so.

The anger inside Sarek boiled up again. He was angry with Satak and those like him who did not regard non-Vulcans as worthy of their consideration; with T’Pau for not immediately and publicly accepting Amanda as his bondmate; and with the perpetual violence that made his job necessary and that was the reason that he was away from his _aduna_ now.

Finally, he was most angry with himself. He had failed to adequately consider the risks that Amanda would confront in becoming his bondmate, both from external sources and from attempting to bear him a child.  His own desires had blinded him to considering the situation as logically as he should have, and as a result he had protected her ineffectively.

But even this analysis did not alter one unyielding, fundamental truth. She was his bondmate, _his_ , and no amount of rationalizing would change that fact. If there were challenges to be overcome, so be it. _She is mine!_   He struggled unsuccessfully to control the rush of possessiveness that overcame him. _I claim her, and no one will interfere! _

It was clear that he was having difficulty quieting these troublesome and conflicting thoughts and emotions. _I am in control_ , he reminded himself, before sinking into a deep meditative trance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha'DIbaH -- dogs (Credit: http://klingonska.org/dict/)  
> “Qaplá!” – “Success!” (Credit: http://lingoberryjam.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/The-Klingon-Dictionary-Star-Trek.pdf)  
> Qu-Vat sector – sector of Klingon space (Credit: http://sto.gamepedia.com/Qu%27Vat_Sector)  
> Shi’has t’Shi’Kahr - Shi’Kahr Healing Center or Hospital  
> “Tushah nash-veh k'odu” – “I grieve with thee” (spoken to a superior)


	34. Indifference

The _Surak_ warped home. Sarek conducted his debriefings with the relevant Federation and Starfleet parties via subspace, curtly deflecting the Tellarite ambassador’s demand that he do so in person on Earth. Doing so would be an illogical waste of resources and time. Especially time.

All the while part of his mind remained intently focused on his bond with Amanda. He finally felt her consciousness flicker back into awareness when they were a day out from Vulcan. For a brief moment he closed his eyes; it was the only outward indication of his profound relief.

_//K_ _’diwa,//_ he projected to her over the distance, the single word conveying innumerable and inexpressable thoughts of devotion.

His diplomatic duties discharged for the time being, Sarek turned to personal concerns. Now that he had ascertained his wife’s improved status, he would address the many, inexcusable failures that had endangered her.

ooo

Soran met him at the spaceport. His eyes grave, the aide offered the _ta_ _’al_ and greeting to his returning superior. _“Dif-tor heh smusma, Kevet-dutar._ _”_

_“Sochya eh dif,_ _”_ Sarek responded, equally grave.

“ _S_ _’haile_ , the security officers who were remiss in maintaining their watch over _T_ _’Sai_ Amanda have been reassigned.”

Sarek nodded his approval.

Soran drew himself up resolutely.  “ _S_ _’haile_ , their failure is my failure.  My service has been inadequate. Logic therefore dictates that I remove myself from service to your House.”

Sarek met his aide’s gaze, expecting such a statement. Then he slowly raised a brow. “Their failure would more accurately be characterized as my responsibility, or my wife’s,” he said. “There are many whose services should be removed before yours, my old friend.”

Soran blinked uncomfortably. “Yet –”

Sarek stopped him with a gesture. “Shall I recount for you the many times you have rescued me from my own errors? I did not adequately forewarn you; she is not like a Vulcan wife in many ways. It would seem my _aduna_ is like the _lara_ bird: nearly impossible to keep in any circumstance she likens to captivity, so to speak.” He paused momentarily, as if reflecting. Then his voice darkened. “The guards, however, were well aware of what their duties entailed.” Beginning to walk, the ambassador declared the subject closed. “Attend me, Soran. I require updates.”

Soran followed, relieved enough to be a bit bemused. Of the two most well known qualities of the brilliant blue desert bird called the _lara_ , Sarek had spoken of its ability to escape confinement rather than its legendary beauty. But it was obvious his friend equated both qualities to his Human wife, even if he would not say so aloud.

ooo

They arrived forthwith at the Shi’has t’Shi’Kahr. Sarek moved expeditiously toward his destination, intent on seeing his wife at last and expectant that those whose presence he required were already assembled.

His mind reached out, searching. _//Aduna_ _…//_  

Amanda’s smile radiated in his mind, leading him onward.  He located her surprisingly quickly, Soran nearly having to run to keep up with his long strides.

They reached her room, now with a new sentry stationed outside, and Sarek immediately strode inside, his attention for no one save his bondmate. She was sitting up on the sleeping platform where she’d been convalescing, wrapped in a light, soft robe of the healing center. Even though her face looked worn and tired, her eyes brightened upon seeing him, and she didn’t even bother to conceal her smile. _There is no sight more beautiful in the universe,_ he thought, ignoring the illogic of it.

Silently and with great deliberation, he offered her the _oz_ _’hesta_. _//Aduna.//_ His dark eyes searched hers deeply, and he stretched his mind to ascertain her state of health through the bond.

She smiled in reassurance. _//I_ _’m much better,_ Adun _.//_

_//I beg forgiveness, my wife,//_ he informed her solemnly. _She still requires much recovery._

_//Whatever for, Sarek?//_ Amanda asked, not understanding his reference.  She detected a swirl of emotions from him, but before she could process them, his attention turned to the others in the room.

_//We shall discuss this later. A moment,_ Aduna _.//_

Straightening, Sarek broke off the _oz_ _’hesta_ and stepped toward the small, assembled group, tightly restrained power in his movement. He focused his attention first on Sorel. “My _aduna_ _’s_ prognosis,” he ordered without preamble.

Sorel dutifully recited Amanda’s recovery status. As the healer reviewed her condition, Sarek thought, _I have done this to her_ _…_ Steeling himself against the onslaught of emotions within, he vowed to redouble his efforts to remedy the situation as best he could. Nodding in acknowledgement to Sorel, he then pinned his gaze on Satak.

“Satak. Explain,” he demanded.

“ _S_ _’haile_ , I was not aware of the Human’s… situation,” Satak began. “Therefore I took the logical approach and --”

“Healer,” Sarek said sharply. “You will refer to my _aduna_ properly. She is to be addressed as _T_ _’Sai_ Amanda, for she is of the House of S’chn T’Gai. Do you realize that, without the intervention of my staff and _Hakausular_ Sorel and Corrigan, your ‘logical approach’ might well have resulted in her death? Would you make such assumptions as you did if she had been a Vulcan patient?”

“The treatment was the most logical course of action,” Satak insisted.

“Was it the most logical based on a thorough evaluation of all of the patient’s symptoms and your knowledge of her physiology?” Sarek asked, “or was it the most logical because it was an expedient course of action based on your assumptions?”

Before the affronted healer could respond, Sarek charged ahead. “Surak tells us, ‘ _As much as possible_ , do not kill.’ How are your actions consistent with this? Your ‘logical course’ nearly killed.”

“I did _not_ kill,” Satak replied, his voice a shocked whisper. “I had no intent to kill!”

“Perhaps so,” Sarek allowed, “but you did not seek knowledgeable advice when you needed it. You assumed that a course of treatment that had succeeded previously and with others would suffice, merely on the basis that the patients were of the same species. And you did not rigorously monitor to test the validity of your hypothesis. Should not a healer, entrusted with the preservation of life, be especially mindful of these things?”

“Based upon my knowledge of _qom_ _’i_ \--” the healer stopped himself at Sarek’s sharp look. _Qom_ _’i_ meant Human, but its use in Vulcan society had taken on a pejorative connotation. “-- of Terran physiology --” Satak re-stated, but this time Sarek cut him off.

“Healer, do you now claim ignorance as your defense? Surak also exhorts us to seek wide knowledge in pursuit of wisdom. Have you done so, or have you remained complacent? You should have consulted elsewhere if your own knowledge was insufficient.  Such resources _do_ exist,” Sarek declared, gesturing pointedly at Sorel and Corrigan.

The healer was silent.

Amanda’s eyes slowly grew wide as she watched her husband inexorably, logically, take Satak apart.  Soran and the other two healers politely cast their gazes away, even as they remained mesmerized by the dressing-down happening right before them.

“As a healer, your flawed assumptions and actions are especially inexcusable,” Sarek concluded, relentless.

“ _S_ _’haile_ ,” Satak almost pleaded, “I care for many patients…there was not sufficient time…”

Sarek’s brows rose in apparent surprise.  “Indeed? Has there been some disaster?”

Satak’s brows knit in response, confused. “No. I do not understand.”

“Then are you stating that you are unable to properly care for your normally assigned case load of patients?” Sarek pressed.

“No, _S_ _’haile_ ,” Satak replied, now visibly flustered. 

Sarek waited expectantly.

The silence was thick with tension in the room while Satak stared at nothing for a long moment. Finally, exhaling with resignation, he met Sarek’s eyes. “I ask forgiveness, _S_ _’haile_. My service has been inadequate.”

“You have erred,” Sarek answered bluntly, “and you are dismissed from _T_ _’Sai_ Amanda’s care. Further, I will speak to your superior about suspending your service to _any_ patient for a significant interval, until you can demonstrate an appropriate level of care for all of them. What does logic dictate you do now to rectify the situation?”

Thusly berated, it took Satak a moment to recollect himself. “I… shall improve my knowledge of Human physiology, perhaps with the assistance of _Osahakausular_ Sorel and Corrigan.”

Sarek glowered with dissatisfaction and waited again.

“And I shall distribute what I learn to others at the _shi_ _’has,_ so that other Humans requiring healing will receive proper care,” Satak added.

“No.”

All heads in the room turned to look at Sarek in surprise.

“As much as such a solution may benefit my bondmate, and myself,” Sarek continued, obdurate, “it does not address the larger problem.  There are other sentient species that travel to or live here on Vulcan in addition to Humans. At times, these beings will require healing, and may not be equipped to do so themselves. It would be logical, would it not, therefore, to compile a comprehensive list of those species and identify a set of necessary healing protocols for each of them?”

“Yes, _S_ _’haile_ ,” Satak responded, now thoroughly humbled and well aware of the substantial task ahead of him. “I will do so.”

“See that you do.” 

The chastened healer bowed his head and excused himself.

Sarek now turned his laser-like focus onto Sorel and Corrigan. “Explain.”

“Specify, _S_ _’haile_ ,” Sorel requested.

“This _i-sudef-k_ _’kan_ _’es._ It is unusual, is it not? Could the hybrid nature of the pregnancy have contributed to this occurring?”

Corrigan pursed his lips for a moment, thinking. “There is no indication that that was the case, Ambassador.” He looked up to face Sarek. “But it would be irresponsible to preemptively rule out the possibility. We’ll conduct some additional tests to be sure.”

Sarek’s brows drew together into a fierce V, his gaze dark. “Then why did you not include this in your list of potential hazards for my wife? So that she could have been monitored for precisely this eventuality?”

Both Sorel and Corrigan opened their mouths to reply, but it was Amanda who spoke first. Alarmed that her husband was about to excoriate the pair of healers as he had Satak, she rose to defend them. “Sarek, please. These things happen. Ectopic pregnancies occur with Human couples, too. I don’t think Healer Sorel or Dr. Corrigan are at fault at all, _Adun_.”

“My wife, I am concerned that there are elevated risks for you that have not adequately been identified,” Sarek returned, not about to be deflected from his purpose.

“Maybe, but overreacting isn’t logical. These things, sadly, happen.” Amanda blinked rapidly, dispelling tears. She felt badly enough about the loss as it was; it didn’t make any sense to spread that guilt any further. “I think the best thing we can do to honor this lost little one is to try again,” she said softly. She met his gaze. “Fortunately, and thanks to Daniel and Sorel, we can.”

Sarek’s eyes bore into hers. It was obvious she did not share his concerns. Inside he was incredulous at her disregard for her own safety. “Your casual acceptance of these circumstances is uncalled for.  There was an unacceptably high probability of a fatal consequence for you.”

She failed to notice that he didn’t offer one of his typically precise calculations. She was still shaken, having awakened in the hospital to learn that she’d unexpectedly lost another pregnancy, and that her own life had been in danger as well. The physical and emotional stress left her less in tune than normal with her husband and rather short-fused herself.

“Here you are lecturing me!” she exclaimed, her temper flaring. “You were vague about this last assignment, and then I find you’ve gone to some undisclosed location. You were probably meeting with the Klingon Empire!”

“My destination and objectives are irrelevant to this conversation,” he rumbled, displeased by the diversion and disconcerted that she had correctly guessed his activities. The mission had been classified.

Amanda shook her head in refusal. “They are _not_ irrelevant. My God, I’m right, aren’t I?” She said, her eyes widening. “Sarek, _you_ could have died! That was an unbelievably dangerous thing to do!”

Soran, for his part, looked from one to the other and carefully hid his growing sense of dismay. _This is a rather discommodious situation,_ he thought, wondering how it would be resolved and, more immediately, how he and the two healers could extricate themselves from what was becoming an increasingly private discussion.

With a meaningful look, the chief of staff began shepherding his companions out the door. Curiously, the doctors did not appear overly surprised at this development. His superior barely acknowledged his action, intent as he was on the matter at hand, and Soran resigned himself to an uncertain wait. The door quietly swished shut behind the trio as they retreated.

Meanwhile, Sarek had no intention of allowing Amanda to question his actions. This discussion was about ensuring her safety. “Your statements are immaterial. My diplomatic actions are in fulfillment of my duty,” he replied, dismissing her complaint.

Amanda spread her hands to indicate the medical paraphernalia that surrounded her. “What if I consider this a part of my duty?” she asked.

Sarek frowned. “I do not understand.”

“I think you do, _Adun_ ,” Amanda countered, her eyes beseeching him. “I want to have your child, Sarek. If it’s at all possible, I’d like to give you an heir, and create a family for us. Pregnancy always entails some risk, but I _want_ to do this.”

Sarek considered his Human wife, finding himself increasingly disconcerted. She most definitely did not share his concerns, and in fact seemed far too sanguine about the danger she might be facing. From his perspective, the unpredictability of what she might encounter made the risk unacceptable. It was simply inconceivable to allow his bondmate to endanger herself so.

Amanda was speaking again, hoping to reason with her unaccountably recalcitrant husband. “If you were somehow in my position, Sarek, I think you’d feel the same way.” She offered a small smile. “After all, reproduction is logical, isn’t it?”

He rounded on her. “And how is logic served if you die carrying my child?” he snapped.

Sarek’s blunt and angry question hung in the air for a revealing moment. He froze, perceiving his lapse. 

While he had been emphatic but controlled while interrogating the healing staff, in that instant Amanda saw that underneath his cool exterior, he was furious – livid, even, over what had happened. She realized with a sudden shock that he was that angry because he was afraid – terrified, even -- of losing her.

“Sarek…” she breathed.

“I ask forgiveness for my unacceptable display,” he declared stiffly, eyes fixed ahead as he wrestled to reclaim his discipline.

She made to go to him, but days of convalescence made her clumsy and she fumbled trying to get off the biobed. Her flailing galvanized Sarek and he leapt to catch her. Unlike his restrained use of the _oz_ _’_ _hesta_ earlier, his unguarded hands met her body and for the first time in weeks they touched – really touched, unshielded.

Amanda was struck with a flood of emotions that he wouldn’t, couldn’t express aloud before he forced them back under his strict control. A tornado of fear, guilt, anger and helplessness tore through her and she gasped at the onslaught, gripping his arms for support. She had experienced some of the sheer force of Vulcan emotion in the intense moments when he had shared his wordless, deep devotion, but she had yet to suffer the direct impact of these darker feelings.

“Oh, _Sarek_ ,” she choked, and he pulled her against him.

“Amanda, I beg forgiveness,” he began urgently, concerned for her welfare. “I should not have allowed --”

“Yes, you should have,” she answered him firmly. “I need to know these things. Please, just hold me.”

Thankfully they had privacy. He complied, enfolding her within the firm enclosure of his arms, his eyes shut tight. After a long moment, a sense of calm descended over them both, and Amanda discerned his regained control.

Another pause, and then he spoke again, his voice husky. “Yes, my wife, reproduction is logical, but not when it is at the expense of losing you. I refuse to be the instrument of your demise.”

Amanda finally understood the reason for his guilt. Doing her best to send him reassurance through their bond, she hugged him tighter. “I won’t let you, _Adun_. I promise I won’t do anything foolhardy,” she told him earnestly, even as she recognized that she had been doing just that.

She pulled back to look at him, hoping to lighten the mood. “After all, what’s the point of trying to start a family if I don’t get to enjoy watching you deal with a half-Human infant?” she asked, giving him a teasing smile.

“ _Aduna_ , I do not understand the Human proclivity for such ‘humor,’” he chided, but there was a trace of warmth in his tone.

Some sense of normalcy restored, he set her back on the biobed. “You require rest,” he told her in his typical, authoritative manner.

Amanda didn’t argue; she was focused on resolving the source of the upset between them. “My husband,” she began, “perhaps we should inquire of Healers Sorel and Corrigan if there is a way for us to try for a family in a manner with which we can both be comfortable. One that’s safer, too.”

Her Vulcan husband contemplated her words and determined expression, and even as the risk-averse male within wanted to dissuade her, he decided to at least hazard a discussion with the healers. _It is my duty to ensure my bondmate_ _’_ _s contentment, as well as her protection,_ he reasoned.

“Very well, my wife, a discussion only,” he allowed, attempting to remain stern. He was rewarded with her brilliant smile. Giving away nothing of the effect it had on him, Sarek nodded soberly and went to retrieve the medical team.

ooo

Daniel Corrigan had never been more grateful for his colleague Sorel’s steady presence as when the Vulcan ambassador requested – or rather, commanded – their attendance to discuss methods of preventing future miscarriages for his wife.

The healer team had scratched their heads over Sarek’s request – Corrigan, literally, and Sorel, figuratively. More of a demand, really, the ambassador had tasked them with producing a method of monitoring his wife to identify a pregnancy much earlier – essentially before it could miscarry.

“Well, Ambassador,” the Human doctor began, “we could utilize an extremely sensitive form of monitoring to identify the presence of a blastocyst or embryo very early on, as soon as two to ten days after conception. Amanda would use an experimental nano-sensing device capable of detecting minute changes in Human hormone levels. But even this method has its drawbacks.”

“Specify.” Sarek’s forceful tone caught Corrigan by surprise.

Fortunately for him, his colleague spoke, his even tones unaffected by Sarek’s brusqueness.  “ _S_ _’haile_ , Daniel refers to the fact that some pregnancies will inevitably miscarry, no matter how early they are detected or even if they receive intervention. Further, such monitoring may make apparent some miscarriages that otherwise would have gone unnoticed. This is why the method is not routinely employed.” 

Sarek frowned, considering the truth of this, and Corrigan attributed the ambassador’s dissatisfaction to the Vulcan reverence for life. The ambassador seemed very unwilling to accept anything less than a thoroughly failsafe method of protecting his wife from the ordeal of future miscarriages and from the hazards of pregnancy itself – an admirable goal, of course, but not really a practical one. He had the nagging sense he was missing some other, important dynamic, although he had no idea what it was.

Amanda quietly clucked behind her husband. “Sarek, it’s fine,” she whispered, but he simply straightened and glared more intently at the two healers.

“This makes sense,” she persisted. “Think of how many we may have lost…”

Sarek turned and swiftly pounced. “Precisely, my wife. It is illogical to cause – and for you to endure – further loss of life.”

She met his fierce gaze, uncowed. “No, a logical way to honor the memory of the ones who couldn’t be is to find a way to make it possible. And if the monitoring works, there won’t be any further loss of life.”

Sarek shook his head. “My wife, your argument is fallacious,” he began, preparing to explain.

“Well, it makes perfect sense to me,” Amanda declared before he could speak further. She folded her arms across her chest and stared back at him challengingly.

The heir to Surak and one of the best orators and debaters in the Federation scrutinized his diminutive Human wife with some frustration. It was surprisingly difficult to debate with her, and nearly impossible to prevail if she truly had her mind set on a particular outcome. _Why is this so? It is not logical_. Nonetheless, as an experienced negotiator, he was well aware that his position, even though logical, was quickly becoming untenable.

Meanwhile, seeing an opportunity to interject, Sorel added, “There is a twenty-six point four two five percent likelihood that the use of this procedure will improve a given embryo’s average potential for survival by more than ten percent, even as the observed number of spontaneous abortions may appear to increase. Further, early detection should logically reduce potential risks for _T_ _’Sai_ Amanda. I shall have to make further calculations in this area.”

“Very well,” Sarek conceded, still reluctant.

“It is important you contact us immediately when the sensor alerts you,” the Vulcan healer cautioned. “There will only be a limited time within which we may be able to preserve the blastocyst.”

_“Adun,_ _”_ Amanda murmured, trying to gain Sarek’s attention once again.

Obliging her, he returned to her side, offering her the _oz_ _’hesta_ , but he was not done questioning the healers. “The risk of another ectopic pregnancy,” he said. “How does the procedure address this?”

Corrigan spoke up. “Very early detection of the Human chorionic gonadotropin hormone will almost completely eliminate the risk of an ectopic pregnancy growing unnoticed and becoming dangerous. It may even be possible to save the embryo,” he said.

Sarek flicked a brow and turned to Sorel. “‘Almost’ is quite imprecise. You will provide me with better estimates,” he said.

“Of course, _S_ _’_ _haile_ ,” the healer returned.

At that, Sarek exhaled ever so slightly before turning to his wife. “Is this acceptable to you, _Aduna_?” he asked.

She smiled that brilliant smile again. “Oh yes, _Adun_.”

“Very well,” Sarek said again, this time with cautious agreement. He turned back to Sorel and Corrigan. “Your proposal is acceptable, _Hakausular_. Following _T_ _’Sai_ Amanda’s recovery, we shall proceed.”

ooo

Sometime later the couple returned to D’H’Riset, Amanda having been discharged from the healing center on orders to continue recuperating at the fortress, and both of them in possession of a satisfactory plan for managing future potential hazards early in a hybrid pregnancy.

Pleased with the healers’ solution and still exhausted from her ordeal, Amanda fell into a deep and contented sleep as soon as her body met the familiar surface of their sleeping platform at home. Sarek, for his part, felt the substantial, Vulcan male relief at having his mate safely returned to him, under his watchful eye. He curled his body protectively around her – _the added warmth will assist her recovery,_ he told himself – and descended into his own meditative rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i-sudef-k’kan’es -- ectopic pregnancy  
> Kevet-dutar –- Ambassador  
> Osahakausular -- Honored healers


	35. Understanding and Anticipation

Sarek had unfinished business to resolve following this most recent incident. This time when he arrived at T’Pau’s offices, he knew exactly what the agenda of the meeting would be.

"Sarek.” His mother greeted him with the _ta'al_.

_“Pid-kom._ _”_ He returned the gesture.

“What matter brings thee?”

“ _Pid-kom_ , I have recently observed a disturbing pattern of behavior among some members of our population, actions which deviate from the teachings of Surak.”

“Indeed?”

“Yes.” Hands clasped at his waist, Sarek began to argue his case. “Surak teaches us to reach out to others courteously, and to accept others’ reaching with equal care. The _Savan-Don-Tak t_ _’Surak _ espouse the philosophy of _Kol-ut-Shan_ , of IDIC. The Teachings also instruct us not to kill, to be slow to take life. And yet, one who is different among us has reached out, but has been rebuffed by senior officials. Further, she, as well as others of her kind who have come to _T_ _’Khasi_ , has been disregarded by some of those charged the most directly with the preservation of life. If the belief in Vulcan superiority -- or even simple indifference toward other sentient beings -- results in the loss of life, how is this consistent with the _savan-don-tak_ we have sworn to live by?”

“Loss of life?” T’Pau queried with concern.

“Indeed, _Pid-kom_.” Sarek informed her of what had happened at the _Shi_ _’has t_ _’Shi_ _’Kahr_. He continued, “Before you conclude that this incident was simply an unfortunate consequence of my unusual bonding, consider this: I postulate that lack of concern can be just as harmful as active xenophobia. If Vulcans do not make the effort to accommodate other sentient beings on our world and within our communities, and allow them to be harmed by our indifference, are we truly any better than the xeno-terrorists on Terra and other worlds?”

T’Pau remained silent as she pondered his words, her fingers steepled before her.

Even knowing he risked censure, Sarek dared to speak again. “What happened to Amanda Grayson could befall any other Human – or Tellarite, Denobulan, Rigellian, or Andorian. I seek your leadership in setting a more logical example than the recent bigotry we have experienced.”

The matriarch’s black eyes met Sarek’s hazel ones, scrutinizing him in minute detail for a long moment. “And thy bondmate?” she finally asked.

“She is recovering,” he responded. He paused, gathering himself, before he added quietly, “She might well have died. The probability was –”

“I do not need to hear it,” T’Pau interjected, knowing how disturbing the near-loss of a bondmate could be. “Are thee well?”

“I am in control,” Sarek answered, albeit a bit stiffly. He waited for her determination.

The age-old hall was silent for what seemed like an improbably lengthy interval. Then, the matriarch’s stoic eyes met his again. “This issue does indeed transcend your personal situation. I will instruct the Council to take up the matter of logical considerations for outworlders.  Further,” she continued, “as _Ko-te_ _’kru t_ _’T_ _’Khasi_ , I recognize thy Federation marriage to _T_ _’Sai_ Amanda Grayson of Earth. It seems that it is logical to do so. There will still be a Vulcan ceremony at the proper time, but in the meantime we shall acknowledge the validity of the Federation one.”

ooo

Later that night, preparing for her evening meditation, T’Pau reflected on the state of her son’s control. The concern he raised was a valid one in their culture and with their history; Vulcans’ ability to savage one another was a reason Surak admonished his followers to celebrate diversity rather than homogeneity. Sarek’s appeal was logical.

Nonetheless, the matriarch was disquieted. Stresses to the body and mind had been known to trigger an impending _pon farr_ , and the near-loss of a bondmate could certainly be considered a sufficient stress. Although Sarek’s discipline still appeared firmly in place, this was precisely the type of situation that troubled her about his taking a Human wife. Unnecessary and unexpected stresses such as these, when a Time loomed on the horizon, could have unexpected, and undesirable, results.

She pulled her eyes from the stars down to the lights of Shi’Kahr. _Kai_ _’idth._ The matriarch steeled herself. She had done what she could. _There is no more to do about it now._ His Time would come, and the results would follow. If in the coming days she needed to fill Sarek’s presumed place on the Council and re-structure Vulcan’s future diplomatic leadership, she would do so. _There is no room for personal concerns_.

Now she desired that meditation. But as she turned to go, she felt her bondmate’s presence.

_“Aduna._ _”_ Skon’s deep voice murmured behind her.

T’Pau returned his greeting. _“Adun._ Have you completed your work for this night?”

“I have,” he affirmed, “Yet, I find my evening has not yet concluded satisfactorily.”

“Indeed?” she asked, raising a brow, even though she knew exactly what he meant. “How is this so, my husband?”

Skon’s baritone dropped down deeper still. “My wife, attend.” He extended his paired fingers.

Planetary ruler in one moment and dutiful wife in the next, she gave him her fingers in return. It was not unpleasant.

ooo

Sometime later, when the sliver of T’Kuht had risen much further in the sky, Skon twined his wife’s hair around his hands. Doing so created the most pleasant sensations. Sensing a darker tenor to her thoughts, however, he turned to gaze at her. “You are perturbed by Sarek’s status.”

“His status defies logic. He risks the possibility of an heir and death himself. And he has brought conflict onto himself and his position.”

“None of this is certain,” Skon countered. “His bondmate may serve him adequately.”

“I estimate that probability at thirty-seven point four eight percent. Such odds justify precautions. I am evaluating substitutes.”

“You would separate him from his bondmate?” Skon asked, surprise and concern tingeing his tone.

“You are emotional,” T’Pau replied, dismissing him.  “If his Human bondmate is unable to serve him, it is only logical.”

Skon had nothing to say to this. Recovering, he addressed a different topic. “It is my assessment that Sarek will be able to manage the council situation to a satisfactory conclusion. You will not need to involve yourself.”

“I am gratified to hear your analysis, _Adun_ ,” T’Pau replied, as both wife and planetary leader. “However, the matter is for me to decide.”

ooo

Amanda was eager to return to work after days of bed rest.  Sarek had watched her like a hawk, and while she appreciated his caring intent, she was also relieved to no longer have her every hiccup scrutinized as evidence of possible ill health.

She was also eager to return so that she could meet with her colleague, T’Grel. While recuperating she had read several references on the Sundered that T’Grel had recommended, and based on what she learned, Amanda believed she could assist T’Grel in decoding some the more obscure aspects of the dialect spoken by the sect. She also thought she could create an investigative exercise for her students using texts of the Sundered – potentially a very informative and eye-opening project.

“Peace and long life,” T’Grel greeted her. She of course did not inquire about Amanda’s absence, beyond politely inquiring if she was in good health, Vulcan privacy mores being what they were. Still, Amanda’s comfort level with T’Grel had grown in the months she’d known her, giving her confidence to hazard a question once their discussion of the project subsided.

“T’Grel,” Amanda began, “May I ask you a personal question?”

“You may ask; however, I may decline to respond,” the Vulcan woman replied, frank as always.

Fighting down a sudden sense of self-consciousness, Amanda forged ahead. “You… seem to accept me for who I am,” she started, earning a raised eyebrow from T’Grel.

“It would be illogical to accept you as someone you are not,” T’Grel said.

“I mean,” Amanda persisted, stifling a smile, “you do not seem to object to my presence here as a Human. Unlike some others.”

“Ah,” T’Grel replied knowingly, and Amanda knew they were both recalling Sofek – who, coincidentally, hadn’t been seen in their work area since he had last faced off with Amanda over her books.

T’Grel sat for a moment, thoughtful, before responding. “As a Human, you are different, Amanda _,_ but it is not solely your humanity which challenges the logic of some.”  She paused before continuing. “Surak, and the clan of Surak, brought peace to Vulcan. They did so by renouncing emotion, and by establishing order through reason and logic. To some, for the heir to this clan to bond with an emotional Human threatens that order, and portends a slide back down into savagery.” Her eyes met Amanda’s. “Many believe that, if we were to fall back into the old ways, we would not escape them.”

Amanda sat back, her eyes wide. “Oh, my.”

“I intend no offense,” T’Grel added.

“Oh, none is taken, T’Grel!” Amanda responded quickly. “I am grateful for your candor. Thank you.”

T’Grel was puzzled again. “It is logical to speak the truth. There is no need to thank logic.”

Amanda’s mind was furiously at work. “What I’m hearing you say, T’Grel, is that some Vulcans are…” she searched for an appropriate word, “concerned… that the influence of an emotional Human will damage the clan of Surak’s ability to lead Vulcan in a logical manner.” Her head spun. No wonder she had encountered such hostility!

“That is a reasonable summary,” T’Grel replied.

“But… you don’t share these concerns?”

“Such beliefs are illogical. In my work I have observed forces that have undermined civilizations. As volatile as Human emotions may be” – and now T’Grel raised a brow – “I do not believe that yours will undermine five thousand years of civilization.”

Declaring that matter closed, she changed the subject. “You may find this interesting,” she said, holding up a small data chip. “It is an audio recording recovered from the same set of artifacts as the most recent _Seheikk'he_ documents.” She inserted the chip into a PADD, and a voice from millennia ago filled the room, its guttural intonations and familiar fricatives capturing the attention of the two researchers.

Amanda’s brows flew up. “This is contemporary to the documents? The symbology is the same?”

T’Grel tipped her chin down, affirming.

“How interesting, indeed, T’Grel! The verbal components of the language seem to have their roots in Pre-Golic _Vuhlcansu_ , but the symbology is very, very different. It’s almost as though the written words were created in some kind of code form.” Amanda tapped a finger to her lips, thinking. “I know you said the _Seheikk'he_ lived isolated from most of the rest of Vulcan.  Do you think they deliberately chose to isolate themselves, and perhaps chose to isolate aspects of their culture, including their written language, as well? That could explain why their written language deviates so much more from _Vuhlkansu_ than their spoken one.”

Now it was T’Grel’s turn to look thoughtful.  “An interesting hypothesis. It does require additional information to validate it, however.”

“Of course,” Amanda agreed. “But think of it – normally, cultures living in adjacent spaces tend to grow together, develop bridges of commonality amongst one another. Do you think this could be an instance of two cultures growing apart instead, fueled by the deliberate actions of one or both?”

“Your leaps of logic are… impressive,” T’Grel replied, clearly unwilling to speculate.

Amanda laughed. “I know. I can have quite an imagination! I would enjoy researching this further to learn if my hunch is in the right direction, though.”

T’Grel was now looking quite confused, but before she could respond Amanda glanced at her chrono and exclaimed, “Oh, I lost track of the time! I’ve got to run. I’ll see you later!”

The Vulcan simply watched with curiosity as her Human colleague hurried from the office.

ooo

“You have five votes on the council at this time.” Soran’s declaration hung in the air for a long moment in Sarek’s offices before he continued. “Sered spent many _v’hrallar_ in discussion with each councilor while you were occupied on the Klingon mission. Although I did the same on your behalf, you must now speak with several of them personally before the upcoming debate.”

Careful not to express dismay, Sarek calmly inquired, “Whose votes do I have?” Inwardly, he was concerned to be at such a deficit of support within the council as the next debate, and a likely vote, loomed.

Fortunately, his aide had gathered a wealth of information that was now at their disposal. “Sofir, T’Ulin, T’Partha, Spahn, T’Deata, and T’Nedara support your position,” Soran crisply informed his superior.

Sarek nodded. “And those opposed?”

“T’Dar, Streon, T’Laan, S’Rivas, Selar and T’Alaren.”

“Selar’s opposition is unexpected.”

“Selar’s bondmate is from Streon’s clan, and they are negotiating with a cousin of Streon’s over a bondmate for their son.”

“Indeed. How were you able to obtain this knowledge?”

“I play _kal-toh_ with Selar’s chief of staff.”

“I see,” Sarek replied, beginning to realize that summoning his friend back to Vulcan was more shrewd than he had first thought.  “And the others?”

“Of the seven who remain undecided, there are three whom logic dictates should be persuaded by your argument. A philosophical appeal based on the _kol-ut-shan_ of your bonding with _T’Sai_ Amanda should reach T’Rehu. Solin, I believe, is already predisposed to your position but waits to be approached; I suggest you and your father speak with him. T’Karik, according to her top aide, plans to make her decision based on the conclusion of the debate. Based upon the debating skills you have demonstrated in other venues, you should be able to prevail in this one.”

Soran paused briefly to consult his PADD.  “Of the remaining council members, T’Enne, Silen and Sunok all expressed concern that you consulted neither the council nor your elders prior to your bonding. All three appear most focused on this issue.”

Sarek drew in a small breath, thinking. This matter was arising once again. He had to admit, he understood the council members’ concern. Tradition and respect for one’s elders were cornerstones of Vulcan culture. In his acknowledged rush to secure his bondmate, he had disregarded those tenets, to his disadvantage now. _Kai’idth_. Amanda was the correct choice for him, and if he had to suffer the consequences of an impolitic method of choosing, so be it. It was a disadvantage, but he would not allow it to become decisive.  _She is mine, and I do not regret my choice._

He was confident of his debating abilities, but was less sure of what to expect from his opponent. Sered’s tactics in the last council session had been unorthodox and less than admirable, but they had been effective. Sarek resolved not to allow similarly loathsome behavior to affect him in their next encounter.

“In sum, _S’haile_ , the council is closely divided,” Soran concluded. “You will have to persuade the undecided with your logic.”

Sarek nodded in concurrence. Mentally reviewing the council roster, he asked his aide, “What of T’Pran?”

Soran steepled his fingers. “T’Pran is an interesting case. She believes your bonding was ill-advised.  However, she also believes Sered’s actions have been dishonorable. Further, I am told that _T’Sai_ Amanda rather soundly bested T’Pran’s bondmate in a debate at the _Shi'Oren t'Ek'Tallar T'Khasi_ , although I do not yet know how this affects her position on the matter at hand.”

One of Sarek’s brows climbed at this disclosure. “Indeed?”

“Yes. Apparently _T’Sai_ Amanda’s arguments were such that Sofek was unable to overcome her logic.”

“Who told you this?”

“T’Pran.”

The ambassador’s other brow rose to join the first as one corner of his mouth twitched upward. “Interesting,” he murmured, impressed again by his friend and aide. Inwardly, he was quite pleased to hear that his _aduna_ had taken Sofek to task. ~~~~

“There is another matter, _S’haile,_ ” Soran said, drawing Sarek back to the present. “You asked me to investigate Sered’s background more extensively, and I have done so. His family indeed comes from an old, agricultural line; theirs was one of the first to settle on Kethri. Prior to his appointment, Sered had prepared to continue his family’s endeavor and was concerned primarily with exporting produce to Vulcan. He had taken part in no political activity within his clan or on Kethri, nor has anyone in his family expressed more than minimal interest in civic affairs.”

“Perhaps an agricultural matter or another issue drove him to seek appointment?” Sarek hypothesized.

Soran tipped his chin negatively. “I was able to ascertain no such motivation from him or his associates. His two chief aides are newcomers to Kethri who arrived shortly before T’Madh retired from the High Council. I am continuing to research their backgrounds.

“Upon her retirement, T’Madh was supposed to have been succeeded by another, T’Lores, but she was killed in an unusual shuttle accident, after which Sered was appointed.”

“Yes?” Sarek was already aware of the unfortunate accident that had claimed T’Lores.

“The transportation analysts on Kethri have been unable to recreate the circumstances that caused the accident,” Soran continued. “It was originally thought to have been a highly improbable mechanical failure, but the engineers have not been able to verify this after repeated testing. The cause therefore remains unknown.”

Sarek straightened in his seat. “I do not understand. Do you make an accusation, Soran?”

“I do not,” Soran replied quickly. “I have no logical reason to do so. I do not know if these facts are related, or even relevant, _S’haile_. However,” he finished, concerned eyes meeting Sarek’s, “I do know there is a great deal that we still do not know about Prospective Council Member Sered or his associates. I am continuing my investigations.”

“Understood. Your research is commendable, Soran.”

“I am honored.”

At that moment, T’Sey commed Sarek to inform him that Amanda had arrived.

Her arrival was not scheduled, Sarek noted with some bemusement. She liked to “drop in,” as she phrased it, to surprise him. He had on multiple occasions informed her that surprises were illogical. Nevertheless, it was not unpleasant when she came to his office. 

“ _Adun!_ Soran!” Amanda exclaimed brightly, sailing into Sarek’s work area and acknowledging his more sober greeting. She touched his outstretched fingers. “I only have a minute, but I’ve been thinking about this whole Council situation, and I have an idea.”

“Indeed?” her husband asked.

Soran, for his part, wondered why _T’Sai_ Amanda would come to Sarek’s office only for “a minute,” and why she did not simply comm her bondmate instead. It was not logical.

“Why don’t we hold a reception at the fortress, so your colleagues can get to know me, and the few other Humans who live here on Vulcan, a bit better?” Amanda continued.

The ambassador’s brows knit momentarily. “You are proposing a… party, my wife?” he asked.

“Vulcans do not ‘party,’” Soran objected.

“Oh, yes they do,” Amanda retorted, hands on hips, “after a fashion, anyway. You can call it a water gathering, if that sounds better.”

The two Vulcans considered. “We shall discuss it. The concept may have some merit,” Sarek allowed.

“Of course it does,” Amanda said. “I’ve got to run – my class starts soon. Let me know how I can help,” she added, quickly touching his fingers before breezing out as quickly as she had come.

Sarek watched her depart, his impassive expression carefully concealing the burst of affection he felt for his bondmate. He did not always understand her thought processes, but she was extremely perceptive, and empathetic in a way he believed he could never be.

Recalling their discussions of Vulcan literature early in their professional relationship, he remembered his surprise and appreciation of her ability to make rapid connections among seemingly disparate and sometimes unspoken concepts. She understood things that other non-Vulcan scholars who had analyzed Vulcan culture far longer did not. Further, she had helped him to understand things Human that had eluded him in two decades of conscientious study as a diplomat.

Most importantly, it had very quickly become apparent that she understood him, even in ways that he did not fully grasp himself.  How she did so, he did not know, but it intrigued him and drew him to seek to perceive her in similar ways.

As he continued his discussion with Soran, he allowed part of his mind to reflect back…

_Late October, 2228_

_She smiled as she handed him the data chip.  “I think you’ll find the themes in the_ Aeneid _similar to those of_ Halovaya t’Falor, _although I think the theme of duty to family is better expressed in_ Halovaya.”

_The Vulcan ambassador nodded gravely. “Most interesting. Shall we discuss the two over lunch tomorrow?” he asked. Although Vulcan custom dictated silence over meals, he found adopting the practice of holding discussions during mealtime to be useful occasionally with Human colleagues. This was proving to be especially true with Dr. Grayson, he had discovered._

_Amanda’s eyes twinkled. “The_ Aeneid _is 10,000 lines of Latin poetry, Ambassador. Perhaps we should defer our lunch for a few days.”_

_Sarek felt an inexplicably forceful reluctance to postpone his next meeting with the Human linguist. “That will not be necessary,” he declared. He would master the task overnight._

_“All right, tomorrow, then,” Amanda agreed, giving him an if-you-say-so look. “There is a translation into Standard and summary on that chip as well,” she added._

_“Those will not be necessary, either, Doctor,” Sarek replied, and then added the Human acknowledgement as an afterthought, “but… thank you.”_

_Now Amanda laughed. “Somehow I thought you would say that.”_

_Her comment surprised him, and he could not resist inquiring further. “I do not understand. In what way did you anticipate my response?”_

_He tilted his head with his question, and Amanda bit her lip to hide her smile. She found this particular mannerism of the normally reserved diplomat quite endearing._

_Her eyes twinkled again, and he was filled with curiosity as to their meaning. “Oh, just intuition, that’s all. You’re going to translate the entire work from the original Latin into Vulcan, aren’t you?”_

_Her answer was simultaneously unnerving and gratifying, as illogical as those concurrent reactions were. He wanted to ask a dozen questions more, from how this “intuition” informed her, to how she seemed to apprehend his thought processes in such detail. However, such inquiries were far too personal to be appropriate. In addition to translating tonight, he would meditate._

_“Indeed,” was his only response, for at the moment he could think of nothing else._

_“Then I will look forward to lunch tomorrow,” Amanda replied, her face brightening into a warm smile._

_Sarek confronted a startling rush of anticipation. Careful to observe proper decorum, however, he simply nodded gravely once again and watched her depart._

At the time, he had attributed his anticipation to intellectual attraction, plus curiosity about the seemingly illogical and yet often surprisingly accurate and prescient thought process she described as “intuition.” Knowing now that his eagerness resulted from far more than intellectual attraction, and even acknowledging the vulnerability that realization caused him, he still experienced the same anticipation today at the thought of seeing her next. He suspected he would never tire of it. _She is mine_.

ooo

Not far from where the two friends strategized, Councilmember T’Dar discussed the situation as she saw it with her colleague Sofir.

“It is a matter of tradition,” she declared firmly.

“But do our traditions explicitly require that all involved be Vulcan? Or must they simply be respectful of Vulcan ways?” Sofir queried, earning a scowl from T’Dar. “Would not Surak welcome diversity in this circumstance?”

T’Dar jerked her chin up in disagreement. “Your definition of tradition is questionable,” she replied, before raising a different objection. “He is keeping her at D’H’Riset.”

“They are bonded.” 

“But there has been no _kal’i’farr_ ,” T’Dar replied, as scandalized as a Vulcan could outwardly appear.

Sofir offered a Vulcan shrug, unconcerned.  “Perhaps it is different with Humans.”

ooo

The day for the Council’s reconvening dawned, promising to be just as hot and bright as its recent predecessors by the indigenous va’khen already riding the rising thermals over the foothills. In the warming morning light, Sarek of Vulcan completed his morning meditations and gazed out over the dusty plain between D’H’Riset and Shi’Kahr. Before A’lamak reached its zenith, he would address the Vulcan High Council on the matter of his bond with a Human. Logic dictated that he would prevail.

His decades in the diplomatic service had exposed him to the many disparate races of the Federation and beyond, and in encountering the cultures, capabilities and needs of so many beings, he had learned to appreciate the many different aptitudes and strengths – as well as liabilities and weaknesses – of those species different from his own.

Such experience had not diminished his belief in the acceptability of the Vulcan way of life, in all its facets. He certainly had not thought that he would bond with anyone other than a Vulcan female. That is, until he met Amanda Grayson. Quite unwittingly, she had turned many of his previously unquestioned assumptions on their heads.

She was undeniably Human, and yet her Human characteristics that typically would prove trying to Vulcan sensibilities did not bother him. Their personalities, thought processes and mannerisms were vastly dissimilar, as were the majority of their life experiences. But it was incontrovertible that the light in her alien eyes was that of his _k'hat'n'dlawa,_ and once having discovered this, it was only logical that he make her his bondmate.

Given this logic, it had been correct to pursue her as he had, to secure her as his, before someone else, perhaps some Human male, did so. This rush to bond did leave a variety of practical considerations and adaptations to be considered, some of which they had begun addressing as a couple and some of which they would face in the future. Still, the existence of these did not negate the original logic that they bond.

He knew the assertion that a Human possessed a _katra_ would invite spirited debate amongst Vulcan scholars, at a minimum over the essential elements of the Vulcan _katra_ versus other types of life forces, energies or souls. To him, however, such a debate was irrelevant. Whatever labels they bore, their essential beings were but two halves of one whole, and in this bond together, he and Amanda shared something eternal. For him, this was simply fact, and he would neither discuss nor debate it.

It was also fact to him that the philosophies preached by Surak during the Awakening, including the value of IDIC, remained central to the peaceful society Vulcan had become. That Surak’s tenets could be so narrowly interpreted as to exclude their application to non-Vulcans disturbed him greatly. To draw such a distinction was not logical; life was life. Narrowing the concept of IDIC down to only that diversity that was somehow considered acceptable was not only philosophically repugnant to his mind, it was also dangerous.  It would only be a matter of time before such judgments would be used to divide Vulcans amongst themselves, opening the door for the savagery to return.

Even given his confidence and his belief that he would prevail, Sarek was well aware of the challenge that faced him. This was one of three times since the Awakening that the High Council had been called upon to re-evaluate an appointee. And such scrutiny had never been directed toward one from the clan of Surak, let alone for such a personal and fundamental reason. The emotions the situation summoned were base ones indeed; however, he would not allow such illogic to cloud his thinking. _I am in control, and my logic will predominate_.

A’lamak was only slightly higher in the sky when Sarek departed for Shi’Kahr. Although he resisted applying analogies from Vulcan’s warrior past, it was all too apparent that today was a day to do battle, to defend his _aduna_ and the philosophies upon which his life was based, with words as his weapons.

ooo

Not long after, Amanda was preparing for her morning class to begin when she looked up to see a small group of her students standing at the door to the classroom. Reflexively starting to smile in welcome, she caught herself in time to rein it in somewhat and offer a traditional greeting instead. _I’m learning,_ she thought.

_“Sochya eh dif,”_ one of the students, T’Pin, responded before stepping into the room. “ _Savensu_ ,” she began, “we have questions.”

“How can I help?” Amanda replied.

A second student, Selhk, spoke up. “There is a group of Tellarite students visiting during this _teven-krus_ to exchange knowledge in physics. Earlier this day, we were conversing with one of them who unexpectedly became emotional.”

“Oh?” Amanda asked, wondering what this had to do with her.

T’Pin and Selhk looked at one another, apparently at a loss for what to say next, when Saan, the third student, interjected, “We were speaking with the Tellarite Guveh when she unexpectedly departed in an agitated manner. We wish to inquire why the she reacted the way she did.”

“Well,” Amanda began, thoughtful as she reached for a PADD, “I speak _Tehlarsu_ , but I’m not a student of Tellarite sociology…” She stopped. “Wait. Why did you come to me with this question?”

“We thought you would be able to assist us, _Savensu_ ,” T’Pin replied respectfully.

Suddenly perceptive to the nature of their inquiry, Amanda asked, “Is this a linguistic question… or an emotional question?”

Now her students looked uncomfortable, and she contained a sigh. “ _Orensular_ , I am honored to be consulted,” she said. “However, all emotional beings are not the same, and do not react in the same ways.”

The trio looked at her blankly, obviously awaiting more.  Amanda smiled a bit more widely. _This is a teaching moment,_ she thought as she formulated a series of questions for her pupils. “All right, _Orensular_ , come in and sit down. Let’s examine this logically.”

A short while later, Amanda laughed out loud. Selhk had been recounting the conversation with the Tellarite when the source of the misunderstanding suddenly became obvious. Seeing her students’ poorly concealed surprise at her outburst, she quickly contained herself to explain. “My laughter is a Human response to humor. In this case, I am finding humor in the unexpected juxtaposition of two different cultural concepts.”

“Please elaborate,” T’Pin asked.

“Let’s compare what we reviewed in the sociological database with your conversation with Guveh. Recall what she said when you greeted her.”

“She stated that the references in _Savensu_ T’Pella’s tachyon physics lecture were cited inadequately.”

“And that the Vulcan fare served at the refreshment interval was most disagreeable to the Tellarite pallet,” Saan added dutifully.

“Then she asked if you took offense, correct?” Amanda prompted.

“Yes,” Selhk replied.

“And your response was -- ?”

“‘There is no offense when none is taken,’” the young Vulcan recited, wondering why his instructor wished him to repeat the basic Vulcan courtesy.

Amanda turned to Saan. “What did we learn about Tellarite greetings from the database?”

Looking thoughtful, Saan replied, “They are often typified by remarks the other party may consider insulting.”

“Correct!”

“But we did not take offense,” T’Pin objected.

“Precisely,” Amanda agreed, nodding. “Yet what type of response is expected in _Telharsu_?”

Again referring to the database, Saan answered, “Acknowledgement of the insult, characterized by commentary intended to offend the first party in a similar manner.”

“Such statements would unnecessarily imply emotion,” Selhk argued, but T’Pin’s eyes widened in comprehension.

Amanda’s eyes sparkled.  “Do you see the problem, T’Pin?”

“I believe so,” she answered gravely. “We did not respond to Guveh in a manner that a Tellarite would typically consider acceptable.”

“Very good,” Amanda replied. “Selhk’s response _was_ appropriate from a Vulcan perspective. And therein lies a cultural misunderstanding. What you and Guveh each thought was obvious and appropriate, was not.”

Brows furrowed in front of her. Amanda prompted again. “How would you reply to Guveh in the future?”

Saan looked at his companions uncertainly. “Perhaps… by making negative remarks about Tellarite nutritional preferences?”

“As strange as it may seem, yes.” Amanda nodded before turning to Selhk, anticipating his objection. “Do you think, Selhk, that it is possible to make remarks that a Tellarite would consider appropriate without unnecessarily expressing emotion in the process?”

“Perhaps so,” the student replied, considering this novel concept.

Amanda spread her hands. “There. Does this answer your questions, _Orensular_?”

Three heads bowed briefly in front of her. “We are gratified by your assistance, _Savensu_ ,” Saan intoned.

The three departed, but T’Pin turned back to address her teacher. “ _Savensu_ Grayson.”

“You have another question, T’Pin?”

“No. I merely wish to inform you. Your logic operates differently from mine. However, I have seen that your way also has its uses, and that you practicing your way here does not inhibit me from following mine. It is… educational.” She continued. “My mother, T’Enne, sits on the High Council. I have informed her of my thoughts.” 

Amanda nodded mutely as the significance of her student’s words sank in. “I am honored,” she murmured.

T’Pin inclined her head. “ _Savensu_ ,” she said, and departed.

Reminded of the council, Amanda suddenly realized, _I_ _’_ _m going to have to hurry to the council chambers to hear Sarek speak!_ In his typical stoic fashion, he had not mentioned the debate this morning, but she had no intention of missing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halovaya t’Falor – Falor’s Journey (ancient, Vulcan folksong, 348 verses long; from Voyager episode “Innocence”)  
> kal-toh – chess  
> Ko-te’kru t’T’Khasi - Sovereign of Vulcan  
> Orensular -- Students  
> Savan-Don-Tak t’Surak - Teachings of Surak  
> Shi'Oren t'Ek'Tallar T'Khasi - Vulcan Science Academy  
> T’Khasi – Vulcan (planet)  
> Telharsu – Tellarite  
> teven-krus -- month  
> v’hrallar – hours  
> va’khen – raptors


	36. Words as Weapons

At the tenth hour, the council assembled in the ancient hall. Following the ritual sharing of water, the session’s only preliminary, T’Pran summarily began.

“Here now continues the matter begun thirty-eight t’vedlar ago in the debate of Sered cha Sefor versus Sarek cha Skon.” She looked down from the council’s raised platform. “Sarek. Thee will explain thy logic in choosing a Human as thy bondmate.”

In the gallery high above, a lone Human female quietly took her seat. There may have been other Humans in the audience from the Terran Embassy or the press, but Amanda could see none from her vantage point. She had begun to learn that, while news traveled fast among Vulcans, it often bypassed the small communities of aliens resident on their planet. It was unlikely any other Humans were even aware of the debate occurring today, or that it concerned one of their own.

A few Vulcan observers near her took note of her arrival, and while they probably surmised who she was, at least this time no one commented on it. A few heads had turned as a rather sweaty Human took her seat in the balcony, but this time Amanda remained blessedly unharassed. All eyes were focused on the debate before them. Sarek surely recognized her presence through their bond, but she knew he would not acknowledge it in the midst of the debate.  She settled in to watch and listen.

“It was logical,” he replied to T’Pran’s question.

“Insufficient,” the acting Head of Council replied, just a shade testily.

“What other judgments of mine has this council questioned, _Shikh-ornavensu_?” Sarek parried.

“None,” T’Pran countered evenly. “However, thy determination to take an outworlder as bondmate differs vastly from any others thee has made.”

“It is true, the selection of a bondmate is not a process in which I have engaged as frequently as other types of… negotiation,” Sarek replied drily.

T’Pran ignored his comment. “Explain why thee finds the need to bring a _komihn_ into our most private realms, in amongst those things that lie at the core of Vulcan. Those things that we do not share with outworlders. How can thee justify this logically?” she pressed.

“A bond is a private matter.”

“Nevertheless, thee will explain thyself.”

Unfazed, Sarek turned to the rest of the council.  “My potential colleague argues that my bond is an improper one, and is therefore evidence of illogical judgment, which is in turn reason to remove me from the council.” Boldly, he looked to Sered for confirmation.  “Is this a correct characterization of your argument?”

Sered rose quickly. “That is correct, but it is more than that which makes it objectionable.” Seizing the opportunity to summarize his points, he continued. “Such a bond, and the actions which led up to it, not only demonstrate illogical reasoning, but also break with some of our most ancient and revered traditions, and allow for an increasing degree of outworld influence in our decision-making. Surak himself would not condone such behavior. Your actions set an unallowably poor leadership example for the rest of Vulcan, and should be censured accordingly.

“Observe,” he demanded, activating the council hall viewscreen. Immediately, the screen revealed Sarek and Amanda, obviously in a public place and touching in a manner most inappropriate to Vulcan sensibilities – dancing at the Universal Translator celebration before they were bonded.

The council stilled, scrutinizing the screen – and Sarek.

“Is this the kind of behavior we find acceptable in one of our representatives to other worlds?” Sered asked, gesturing toward the screen just as the video revealed Sarek pulling Amanda into a tighter embrace, to twirl them as one to a breathless stop.

T’Pran sat stone-faced. Sofir, Skon’s long-time ally, slowly raised an eyebrow.

Up in the gallery, Amanda sucked in an indignant breath. Sered’s words were incredibly insulting to Sarek, as well as inexplicably hostile toward her, and use of the vid segment was infuriating. Other than that brief introduction in Sarek’s office, she had never interacted with the Vulcan, and apparently neither had Sarek; what logical reason could he possibly have for attacking them so?

“This activity is culturally accepted on Earth and one in which diplomatic personnel could potentially be expected to engage,” Sarek began to explain.

“Humans also commit violent acts against one another,” Sered stated triumphantly. “Would you therefore do the same, and attempt to justify such behavior?”

Amanda recalled T’Grel’s words, that some might fear a backsliding of Vulcan society down into dangerous emotionalism as a result of her presence at Sarek’s side. Her indignation spiked again. _I am hardly some savage barbarian, and neither is Sarek._ But then her outrage cooled, replaced by sadness. Such views were no different than those expressed by the extremists on Earth who opposed their marriage as if it presented some dire public threat. Perhaps she – and Sarek, both – had been naïve not to expect such enmity.

Apparently unconcerned by his opponent’s brief but damning speech, Sarek calmly replied, “The comparison is fallacious. Further, such acts as you describe are illegal under Human law, and are frowned upon by custom. I would of course refrain from them, just as I would refrain from making illogical, unsubstantiated arguments in front of this august body,” he finished pointedly.

“Sarek,” T’Pran warned.

He turned back to his opponent. “So, then. Based on your contentions, can we then posit that this council should regard my private actions as improper if it could be demonstrated that I have advocated policies against Vulcan interests since my bonding; that I have acted outside of important traditions, have behaved illogically, or have impaired my ability to lead, all as a result of my bond?”

His rival’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “That is correct. But you are well known for your gift with words, Sarek. Do not obfuscate my arguments.”

Sarek merely flicked a brow before he turned his attention away. “Of course not. To do so would be illogical.”

 His eyes swept the length of the council platform. “Surak did not intend for the principles of IDIC to only apply to the _whl'q'n_.” He paused until he was certain he held the council’s full attention. “How do we know this? My forefather brought the Reforms to Vulcan at a time when interstellar travel was possible. We were aware of the possibility of intelligent species beyond Vulcan even then. Surak did not intend to limit the application of his teachings to only those on this world, nor would doing so be logical. He said ‘Reach out to _others_ courteously, not ‘reach out to _other Vuhlkansular_.’ All of his sayings are phrased the same way, and I submit to you this was not accidental. Indeed, if such lessons were needed for our different clans to live in peace, how could they not be needed when we seek to live in peace with those from other worlds?

“And is not his instruction to ‘rejoice in our differences’ all the more meaningful when we interact with our interstellar neighbors, just as we seek to celebrate the differences among our own people?”

Sarek paused again. He could tell he had the full engagement of his listeners, if not yet their complete agreement.

Sered interrupted at that moment. “If this is true, then what about the Sundered? They were of our own people and yet we drove them away, with no regard for the _kol-ut-shan_ , the IDIC we supposedly revere. Why did we not act thusly toward them?”

Sarek replied to the council. “The division between the _Seheikk'he_ and the _Vuhlkansu_ was indeed regrettable. Surak taught us to accept the peaceful reachings of others. However, while he advocated acceptance, he did not advocate capitulation in the face of hostility. Where we face the threat of violence, we are to attempt to make peace, and where peace-making fails, we are to defend ourselves -- as well as defend the defenseless -- using non-violent, non-injurious or minimally harmful means to preserve life.

“Much of the history has been lost, but we do know that a peaceful accommodation with the Sundered could not be reached. That the Sundered chose to leave T’Khasi was regrettable, but it was less so than the outbreak of yet another bitter civil war.

“Now,” he continued, “to address my colleague’s complaints. First, Sered asserts that my choice of bondmate has allowed, or is evidence of, an unacceptable level of non-Vulcan influence over our policies and on our world.

“I declare to you, _Shikh-ornavensular_ , that I am no less Vulcan for having taken a Human bondmate. In the time that I have served in the diplomatic corps, I have never failed to represent Vulcan’s interests successfully, and no one has questioned my logic in any matter confronting Vulcan where I have been involved. Is there anyone here who contests this?”

Silence greeted his inquiry.

“In addition,” Sarek resumed, “I realize there are those who question the degree to which Vulcan should allow itself to become involved in the politics of the Federation, and whether doing so risks diluting that which is Vulcan.

“Yet we must accept the reality that Vulcan does not exist in a vacuum. Other worlds, as allies or as foes, will affect our affairs for good or for ill.  Does logic not dictate that it is more beneficial to engage our neighboring worlds positively, as allies, rather than seek to isolate ourselves? Given the reality of the interstellar community in the quadrant of our galaxy that we consider ours, does logic also not dictate that seeking to understand the beings who co-exist with us is a superior approach to remaining ignorant? To do so simply acknowledges _c’thia_ , that which is. It does not make us any less Vulcan.

“Further, as we have noted, Surak taught us, _‘Nar-tor pulaya s'au k'ka'es - k'el'rular tun-bosh._ ’ This dictates that we accept those from outside Vulcan who desire to learn of and respect our culture and traditions. They who seek to live within our culture dilute that which is Vulcan no more than we dilute ourselves.

“Surak’s teaching of _kol-ut-shan_ offers instruction in what it means to be Vulcan, as well as in understanding those who are not.  When he said, _‘Ma etek natyan teretuhr lau etek shetau weh-lo'uk do tum t'on,_ _’_ this does not require us to diminish who we are. Rather, we are encouraged to reach beyond ourselves to discover greater truths in concert with others. At times, we resist doing so, because of the instinctive fear of the unknown.  It is important to recognize this for what it is: simply fear. An emotion, which should and must be controlled.

“Surak provided another lesson regarding fear as well: _‘Dakh pthak. Nam-tor ri ret na'fan-kitok fa tu dakh pthak._ _’_ I submit to you, Honored Council Members, that the underlying basis of the objections to my bondmate is simply an uncontrolled emotion. Cast that aside, and there is little left to debate.

“Regarding tradition, a bonding is traditionally a private thing. Our established respect for the Silences dictates that we do not reveal family matters openly beyond the clan. Yet I have been called here to discuss in detail a most personal matter, my marital bond. How is this respectful of the ways established by Surak? Indeed, I can think of no action taken by me or my _aduna_ that affronts Vulcan tradition as much as this.” Sarek raised a brow imperiously and stared up and down the row of council members, daring any to refute him.

Then he added, the slightest edge to his voice, “My _aduna_ and I are bonded in the manner of our people. There are those who can attest to the validity of our bond, but I will not call them forward. To do so would be unnecessary, illogical, and unVulcan.

“My bond has not disrupted my logic, nor my ability to lead. You have agreed that my logic remains unquestioned in the diplomatic matters for which I have been responsible. I led the coalition responsible for the passage of the Centauri Accord, a Federation measure supported by this body, as well as numerous other initiatives of which you are aware and I need not repeat here.

“In fact, my opponent himself commits a basic logical fallacy of circular reasoning: he asserts that my choice of bondmate has caused me to behave illogically, and then cites as evidence of that illogic my choice of bondmate.” Sarek raised an ironic brow. “I am afraid it is Sered’s behavior that has been affected, rather than my own.

_“Shikh-ornavensular_ , I will conclude with one final argument. Only fifteen _t’vedlar_ ago, my bondmate lay at the Shi’has t’Shih’Kahr, her life endangered because we as a people have not implemented the proper healing protocols for the non-Vulcan beings who visit our world. Surak told us, _‘_ _Nam-tor vohris nem-tor ha'kiv’_ and _‘_ _Vah mau vah tor-yehat ri stau._ _’_ Does this not imply a duty to tend responsibly for those who require our care? And would that logically not extend to those who visit or live on our world? Do we, as modern followers of Surak, wish to declare that it does not?

“If my bondmate were Vulcan and she had perished, each of you would declare, ‘I grieve with thee.’ But she is Human. If she had died, would you not also share my grief?”

The scion of the clan of Surak stared penetratingly up and down the long platform. If the silence this time held a trace of awkwardness, none of the distinguished Vulcans present would acknowledge it. Yet Sarek knew he had made his point.  He concluded, “If yes, what more justification of my bond is required? If no, then to those who say we revere life I ask, what meaning does this have if the only lives we revere are our own?”

 Again that imperious, demanding gaze swept up and down the length of the council platform. After a long moment, Sarek stepped back, hands folded at his waist, and respectfully bowed his head in conclusion.

After a moment, T’Pran spoke. “Sered. Thee may rebut.”

Before the other Vulcan rose to speak again, Amanda quietly slipped out of the gallery. Her next class would start in a few minutes. Besides, she had no intention of embarrassing her husband after his moving speech by allowing others to see her emotional, Human tears.

Sered stood, still collecting his thoughts. Sarek’s speech had been extremely effective in blunting his arguments. Still, he was down, but not out.

Drawing himself up, he began. _“Shikh-ornavensular_ , Sarek’s words are always persuasive. However, we must look beyond words to the facts. As much as he would tell you that it is not your concern, the fact of his failure to consult any of his elders – including this council – regarding such an anomalous bonding remains. It is traditional to consult one’s elders, and to select from the choices of one’s elders, in such situations. Tradition has been violated, in the illogical interest of consorting with an emotional outworlder.”

Sarek rose. As uncomfortable as this was, he needed to address the matter of his bonding in more detail. “As you are all aware, my childhood bonding, the one traditionally arranged by my elders, was dissolved when my bondmate chose to pursue the way of _kolinahr_ , an honorable and difficult path chosen by only a few. My circumstance was therefore not traditional. However, I did, as tradition dictates, evaluate the _telan_ candidates proposed by my clan. None of them were as logical a choice as she-who-is-my _aduna_. I made the logical choice. Where logic and tradition conflict, logic must prevail.”

“Your logic is questionable. The fact remains, tradition was disregarded,” Sered retorted, unwilling to concede the point.

“It was logical. And such things are private. Respect the Silences,” Sarek demanded.

“The elders were not consulted,” Sered insisted. He continued, turning back to the council, “Further, Sarek asserts that his ability to lead remains unaffected. However, he cannot answer this question. Only you can, _Shikh-ornavensular._ Do you wish to be led by one who ignores your counsel, who consorts intimately with an outworlder? We have seen his actions,” he said, referring to the vid of the couple dancing. “I assert that submitting to such ‘leadership’ is not logical.”

Sarek challenged his opponent again. “I assert that arguing with personal attacks is not logical. My capacity to lead and my experience leading in other roles have not been questioned. Sered continues to focus on the matter of my bonding, which is personal and not relevant to these deliberations.”

“If Sarek’s personal choice are not relevant, then why does he persist in prioritizing relationships with emotional species so different from our own? Vulcan interests are unique; it is more logical to seek out others in the galaxy like ourselves. Continuing the path of closer alignment with the Federation is not logical when we should instead be reconciling with the _Seheikk'he_. It is obvious he is unduly influenced by those who are not – or _she_ who is not – Vulcan.”

“ _Shikh-ornavensular,_ I must object,” Sarek interjected, well aware he risked T’Pran’s censure for interrupting Sered yet another time. “The decision to join – and indeed to co-found – the United Federation of Planets was one made by my grandfather, _Osu_ Solkar, in concert with the matriarch and this body. My honored father Skon continued these policies, as have I. It can hardly be said that I have done so out of my own, personal interests.”

“We have no need of the history lesson,” Sered replied, sarcasm tingeing his tone. “The question now is whether those policies are still in the best interests of Vulcan. I assert it is time for a true, _unbiased_ discussion of the issue.”

“You will find no evidence of bias in any of my actions.”

“I contest that. _Shikh-ornavensular,_ Sarek attempts to brush off these concerns or declare them ‘personal.’ This matter is more grave. This is only the fourth time in modern history when a proposed council member has been questioned. The safeguards were put in place to protect us from poorly reasoned and unsuitable council choices. Sarek has demonstrated his unsuitability with his actions. We must act with caution, and reject his candidacy.”

“We must act with logic,” Sarek said. “As Sered says, we know the history. Those instances to which he refers involved legitimate issues of qualification and capability. Not a mere difference of opinion – or prejudice.”

“I object!” Sered exclaimed.

“You are becoming emotional,” Sarek coolly responded.

“Enough,” T’Pran interposed. “Sered, conclude your statement.”

In the end, Sered’s attempts to refute Sarek’s points were largely ineffective; Sarek easily parried his arguments at almost every turn. The Kethri representative was forced to rely on only a few of his original arguments.

“In sum, my colleagues, Sarek has already demonstrated his lack of respect for tradition – and this body – by failing to consult with the High Council before forming such an unprecedented and unwise bond with an outworlder. His actions alone say more than I can. Further, he remains illogically in favor of policies that benefit Humans and the Federation at the expense of searching for our lost brethren, no doubt unduly influenced by his consort.”

Finally, he made an appeal to a tradition that predated Surak. “You may have your own arguments, Sarek, but what does your clan say? Your matriarch still has the final say of bonding choices within your clan. Surely T’Pau does not afford you license to behave illogically simply because you are her son. No doubt she holds you to a higher standard. How does she rule on this matter?”

Sarek faced his opponent impassively. “T’Pau recognizes my Federation marriage. The council has no doubt received formal notice of such already.”

Sered recognized that his case was crumbling. If T’Pau had recognized Sarek’s Terran wedding ceremony, there were only limited objections he or the council could make without calling the matriarch’s logic into question as well. But the council could still refuse to install Sarek as a member. Unwilling to concede defeat, he persisted. “In recognizing your Terran ceremony, T’Pau accepts your bonding to the Human, but nothing more.  There has been no _koon’ut-kal’i’fee_ ,” Sered declared.

“In addition to the ceremony already recognized by the Federation and the matriarch, we will hold a traditional _koon’ut-kal’i’fee_ at the proper time,” Sarek rejoined. His opponent’s last-ditch protestations were growing tiresome.

But the Kethri representative had one last opportunity, and he did not shy from using it.

Sered drew himself up and addressed the council as much as he addressed his rival. “That is all very well, Sarek, but you – and your Human – overlook a critical consideration. What about _pon farr_? We do not share this aspect of ourselves with outworlders for good reason. She will not withstand it, and you both will perish in the Fires. You, who claim to revere life, endanger an innocent. And how can you lead the council if you die in madness? You cannot.”

The great hall was utterly silent, its occupants shocked by Sered’s brazen allegation of the unspeakable. Some stared at the floor, and others even looked around, searching for non-Vulcans in the crowd. Fortunately, other than Amanda who had already departed, today there were none.

“Thee go too far, Sered,” T’Pran reprimanded swiftly. “Thy words are most improper.”

Unfazed, Sered calmly retorted, “Perhaps so, _Shikh-ornavensu_ , but it is illogical to deny that which is in all of our minds.”

“Enough, Sered! Thee will express thyself properly, or not at all,” the acting council head warned, well aware of the disquiet his words had caused and determined to restore order to the proceeding.

“I ask forgiveness,” he replied, clearly not at all repentant. “I speak merely out of my concern for two lives – ”

“Be _silent_ ,” T’Pran ordered.  “Sarek, what does thee have to say for thyself?”

Finding the words to speak of this in a public forum was painfully difficult, but it had to be done. Even as Sarek rationally did not believe Sered’s dire prophecy, it nonetheless touched on an unacknowledged fear – could he, in the madness, harm his precious, fragile wife?

_No! I will not allow such a thing. And we are bonded. She is mine, and I will keep her safe._

Pushing the dark thoughts aside, Sarek addressed the council, his face an impassive mask. “My opponent seeks to disrupt this debate with emotional provocation,” he declared, his voice severe. “The hypothetical events of which he improperly speaks will not come to pass. My _aduna_ and I are properly bonded in the way of our people. This is sufficient and all that I should be required to acknowledge. I will _not_ speak of this further.” Sarek’s eagle-eyed stare swept implacably to each council member, the force of his will indelibly clear.

_If I am removed, then so be it,_ he thought, resolute. _There are always alternatives._

“The council will confer,” T’Pran announced. “The continuation of this session will be announced.” With that, the council members stood as one and silently filed out of the great hall.

ooo

Sarek was just coming out of meditation when the announcement came that the council would reconvene.  Following its adjournment he had returned to his offices, consulted with Soran and attended to some pressing Federation business before turning to meditate. Bolstering his discipline was necessary preparation for whatever decision the council would make and to contemplate the alternatives should it not rule in his favor.

The attendees silently filed in to the council chambers where T’Pran and the council awaited. Sarek and Sered took their places in front of the platform. Both appeared impassive at a glance, but to Sarek, the slight stiffness in his opponent’s movements revealed a hidden unease. He noted that Sered’s two aides had moved forward from their earlier seats near the back of the hall, and were now closely observing their superior. 

Just before the chamber doors closed, a tug in the bond told him Amanda had arrived. He turned and saw her up above, offering him a nervous smile. He acknowledged her without expression before turning his attention back to the council platform.

T’Pran rose and stood at the front of the platform.

“This body has reached a decision,” she declared. “Based upon the arguments presented before us by Sered and Sarek, we make the following ruling.” She paused momentarily, and the hall was silent with anticipation.

“Sarek _cha_ Skon shall assume his hereditary position as leader of the council following the traditional period as a member of the council.” T’Pran looked down at Sarek. “Thy service to Vulcan has been exemplary. The matter of thy bondmate, and the method of thy choice, will be left to the clan of Surak. While thee presents many logical arguments in favor of thy bond, there remain questions about thy process and its results. These are best resolved within the clan. The council will not address this issue further – unless events demand that it logically must,” she added in a tacit reference to possible, untoward outcomes of _pon farr_.

“In addition, Sered will also take his place on the council.” She looked to Sered. “While the council has chosen not to rule in favor of thy proposal at this time, it is logical to maintain independent viewpoints such as thine on the council, as they may be valuable in the future.”

To both men, T’Pran intoned, “Go in peace and serve with honor.” Then she addressed the assembly. “This council is adjourned. It will reconvene on the first day of _Khuti_ with its new members present. Live long and prosper.”

Sarek smoothly turned to Sered, raising his hand in the _ta’al_. “Live long and prosper, Sered.” Sered, appearing rather surprised at the outcome, glanced uncertainly at his aides before returning the gesture. He then rejoined them to quickly leave the hall.

Sarek watched them depart, considering. For all intents and purposes, he had prevailed. While he disapproved of the council’s decision to leave Sered on the council, he was not surprised by it. He had not pressed for his opponent’s removal, judging that doing so would be both impolitic and unhelpful to his primary argumentation.

It was clear to him that the council’s action was its way of expressing displeasure with him for refusing to seek its permission before bonding with Amanda. _Kai’idth_. That was of little matter; Sered and his intolerant views would simply be a factor on the council he would have to manage. Likewise, the council’s veiled statement that T’Pau should take up the matter was also not a new concern. It was already evident that resistance to his inter-species bond existed, even on his logic-driven world. But while the matriarch had not formally approved his bondmate, she had recognized his marriage. It would be most unlikely of her now to disapprove of his wife. Beyond this, any disapproval of those who did not understand was irrelevant. He would insulate Amanda from the negative opinions of others, and keep her safe. _She is mine._

Still, he remained concerned. Perhaps it was the challenging nature of Sered’s proposal, or the disturbingly intolerant tenor of the debate, or the council’s willingness to allow it. The council’s ruling, while it appeared to lay this particular conflict to rest, still left open the possibility of continued argument on the underlying issues of Vulcan involvement in the Federation and the degree to which other species were welcome on Vulcan. He would remain vigilant.

ooo

Relief sang through Amanda at the High Council’s verdict. She was surprised that no one on the council rebuked Sered for his intolerant views, and the fact that he was to join the council with no such censure left her concerned.  But most of all, her worries were assuaged – Sarek would not lose his position.

 Knowing that he would be caught up with Soran and his other staff for a while, and wanting some time to reflect on her own, she left for home.

ooo

It was close to sunset by the time she arrived back at the fortress and changed her clothes.  The vivid hues drew her outside, and she took up a lone sentry position on a rock at the edge of the garden facing the descending sun.

This was the perfect place to muse on the realities of her adopted home.  The colors of the land and sky right now were truly beautiful, and like nothing she would encounter on her homeworld. The natural beauty here hid a harshness and a degree of danger greater than any she would encounter on Earth, mostly because she was alien and not adapted, but also because T’Khasi was a much more austere and unforgiving environment. But she wanted to be here, with Sarek.

The people of Vulcan were capable of great beauty as well, in art, literature, technology and philosophy, and yet, also capable of insularity, fear of the unknown, and yes, bigotry, all of which she occasionally triggered. They were truly a people of peace, even if that peace had been bought at the price of great savagery. At times she had an inkling that such savagery still lived, much closer to the surface of modern Vulcan society than any outsider would believe. But she would not give up her place at Sarek’s side for anything.

Amanda recalled those aspects of him which had first drawn her to him: his burning intellect, his unerring drive, and his deep commitment to serving Vulcan and the Federation in the cause of peace; and those less-obvious but vital characteristics, his sense of humor, his compassion, and his curiosity. They were so different in a myriad of ways, but he was her soulmate. The concept of _k'hat'n'dlawa_ rang true for her, even though she was not Vulcan. The proof of its existence lay in their unique bond.

And then there was the physical package that contained her beloved husband. Amanda would never tire of looking at him, of touching him, and would never cease to marvel at how much pleasure he was capable of eliciting in her. He was an immeasurably gentle and considerate lover, and yet at the same time there lurked in him that powerful and dominant side, perhaps borne of his heritage or of the strength of his personality, that never failed to evoke in her the most passionate and primitive of desires.

She laughed to herself as she realized why her thoughts had been drawn in this direction. Sarek was home. His mind was reaching for hers now, and she eagerly responded. She never knew how he perceived her projections; when she returned the calls of his mind, it was as though she was deaf and vocalizing to a hearing person but having no idea how she sounded. This didn’t seem to bother Sarek; as usual, she felt the warm wash of his contentment as he sensed her and approached.

Finally freed of council and Federation business for the time being, Sarek had been contemplating his wife as he came home. Following the conclusion of his debate with Sered, a few of his colleagues had attempted, however obliquely, to ask him what it was about his Human bondmate that justified so much trouble. Their indirect questions were easy to deflect, and inquiries that were any more direct would have been most impolite. Still, he knew the answers they had hoped to draw from him.

His Human wife was uncannily perceptive, both due to her intelligence and to some other sense, perhaps what she called intuition, that enabled her to rapidly make connections between disparate things without necessarily proceeding through all the steps of logic that his own mind required. She was empathetic in a way that he believed he could never be. She was comfortable with her emotions and with those of others, experiencing them vibrantly without becoming incapacitated by them. That she lived life so intensely and openly fascinated him, in his highly controlled existence, and appealed to that hidden, passionate side of him that he kept so tightly leashed.

Most uniquely, Amanda understood him. He could not fathom exactly how, but they seemed to connect on a nearly unconscious level, something he had noticed almost immediately about her. She was his, his _k’hat’n’dlawa._ Her mind and her body were beautiful to him, and his physical being hungered for hers. He desired her, and she completed him, in such a way as he had never experienced, or thought possible, with another being. _She is mine._

His senses unerringly drew him to the outcropping where she sat. She turned as he approached, welcoming him with her radiant smile. They had not seen one another since the debate’s conclusion, and it had been too long since their minds had joined.

“ _Adun_. I’m glad you’re home.”

“ _Aduna_. It is agreeable to return,” he said, offering her the _oz_ _’hesta_. After a moment of relaxing into her touch, Sarek looked around in the dimming light. They remained inside the garden walls, but still he felt protective. “It is, however, growing late. I should like to escort you inside.”

Amanda looked at him curiously. “Whatever for, Sarek?” she asked.

“To ensure your safety,” he responded, equally puzzled. Amanda was aware of Vulcan’s nocturnal dangers.

“Well first of all, my husband, we’re in the garden, not out on the Forge,” she objected. “And isn’t ensuring my safety what Septek is supposed to be doing right now, anyway?” she asked, referring to the security guard now unobtrusively patrolling nearby.

Sarek’s brows rose. “I did not know that you were aware of Septek’s evening patrol.”

Amanda gave him a withering glance. “Really, Sarek. I _have_ noticed all the guards. I’m not that dense, you know,” she added teasingly.

Sarek drew up, looking surprisingly injured for all his lack of expression. “It was not my intention to disturb you with their presence, my wife. It is my duty to keep you safe,” he added, somewhat stiffly.

She regarded him tenderly for a moment. “I know, my husband.” She wondered how long it would be before he could relax his need to be so vigilant around her. But she couldn’t resist kidding him further. “After all,” she added, “it would be silly to go to all that effort to defend your Human wife to the High Council and then have me end up a le-matya’s meal in your own back yard.”

“Amanda!” he said sharply. “Do not speak of such things.”

She was unprepared for his shocked reaction. “I’m sorry!” she replied, surprised in kind. “I was only kidding.”

“It is not at all amusing.”

Amanda suddenly realized how much the High Council debate must have weighed on Sarek – and how much her stoic, supremely capable husband needed her. She turned serious as well.

“I ask forgiveness,” she told him sincerely, gripping his hands with hers to emphasize her meaning. “And I must tell you how impressive your speech was today. You honor me greatly, my husband.”

“No more than you do me, my wife,” he replied, his voice soft in solemn, velvet tones.

The light around them suddenly faded, and she turned her head to see _Alam’ak_ descend below the L-langons. The dark claret of the sky began slipping inevitably toward the inky violet of night, and she took the shelter provided by the growing darkness to lay her head against his chest. They were both fatigued, if not physically then certainly mentally, from the battles for acceptance they had fought for their bond on Earth and now here.

She sighed, and laid bare a wish she had harbored for some time. “I want a little while to be truly alone with you, _Adun_. No council members, no aides, no academicians, no one but us. Is it so illogical for me to want that?”

Sarek gazed down at her upturned, earnest face and found he had to agree with her sentiment. “It is not illogical,” he murmured.

Amanda snuggled closer. “Perhaps it’s time we took that desert trek you promised me.”

This was not the venue Sarek would have selected. Not until she was more fully acclimated to Vulcan, a process which would take a few years, at least. Before he spoke, though, he reflected. His Human wife _had_ adjusted rapidly to his alien and not entirely welcoming world – admirably so. It occurred to him that perhaps the greatest challenges for her were not so much environmental as social, ironically caused by his supposedly logical, peaceful people. From that perspective, a trek through the desert (brief, and very carefully managed, of course) was not such a foolhardy venture after all.

Sensing his hesitation, Amanda sought out his hand, twining her fingers with his. “Surely you could protect me,” she whispered, before reaching up to kiss his throat. She felt the muscles around his Adam’s apple quiver under her lips before he stilled them.

“I can think of no one more qualified to do so,” he replied, his voice husky as he pulled her toward him. He brought his fingers to her face – but then was reminded of Septek. The presence of the guard was, indeed, less than ideal.

“It is time to return inside. My wife, attend.”

Not long after, outside the notice of guards or servants, their minds came together, gently enfolding around one another, and they made love, safely insulated from critical eyes and judging thoughts. He lost himself in her calming presence, and she gave herself up to the strength of his mind and body. Together, they found contentment, and were one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘Dakh pthak. Nam-tor ri ret na'fan-kitok fa tu dakh pthak.’ – ‘Cast out fear. There is no room for anything else until you cast out fear.’ (Teaching of Surak)
> 
> Khuti – 6th month in Vulcan calendar
> 
> kolinahr - rigorous training program at Gol to purge oneself of all emotion
> 
> ‘Ma etek natyan teretuhr lau etek shetau weh-lo'uk do tum t'on’ – ‘We have differences. May we, together, become greater than the sum of both of us.’ (Teaching of Surak)
> 
> ‘Nam-tor vohris nem-tor ha'kiv’ - ‘Be slow to take life.’ (Teaching of Surak)
> 
> ‘Nar-tor pulaya s'au k'ka'es - k'el'rular tun-bosh.’ – ‘Accept their reaching in the same way, with careful hands.’ (Teaching of Surak) 
> 
> telan - bonding
> 
> t’vedlar – days
> 
> ‘Vah mau vah tor-yehat ri stau.’ - ‘As far as possible, do not kill.’ (Teaching of Surak)
> 
> Vuhlkansular – Vulcans
> 
> whl'q'n – Vulcan people


	37. Walk in the Park

Soran was horrified. Not in any overtly emotional way, of course, but he made his disapproval of Sarek’s plan to take his Human bondmate on a trek into the untamed desert abundantly clear. “Precisely where do you intend to take this… expedition, _S_ _’_ _haile_?” he asked, once he had regained control over his incredulous expression.

Sarek ignored his aide’s reaction. Soran could be somewhat excitable, at times. “I thought the _Menallar t_ _’_ _T_ _’_ _Asal_ would be suitable.”

Soran’s discomfiture only increased with this news. “Sarek, the three-day journey to reach the base of the cliffs would constitute excessive exposure for a Human. And while I do not doubt _T_ _’_ _Sai_ Amanda’s physical abilities, the 4,000-meter climb to the upper reaches is hazardous even for many Vulcans.”

Sarek turned to regard his friend with some amusement. “Soran, I am not unaware. I have no intention of subjecting Amanda to the hazards you mention. We will travel by aircar to the base of the cliffs, and traverse the lower tranche before returning to the vehicle.  The journey will take less than one-half day, somewhat strenuous for my wife but by no means exhausting.”

Soran looked dubious. “Very well, _S’haile_. I will assemble the needed supplies.”

ooo

As it turned out, it was an opportune time for such a trek.  The council would not resume for several days, and there was a scheduled break in Amanda’s classes. Sarek took the opportunity to appropriately prepare his wife for the journey.

First was a thorough briefing on desert hazards. He sat Amanda down, PADD in hand, and proceeded to explain the habitats and habits of all of the Forge’s dangerous flora and fauna, of which there were many.

They had not gotten past le-matya and wild sehlats when Amanda complained, “I’ve had this briefing before, remember?”

Not about to be dissuaded from his task, Sarek replied, “Since your memory is not eidetic, this is a review.”

_“_ _Hmp_ _ph,_ _”_ she said, making her thoughts clear on the subject.

The next image to appear on the PADD screen was of a thick vine covered with large, vibrantly colored flowers.

“Oh, how beautiful!” Amanda exclaimed.

“ _D_ _’_ _mallular,_ you will recall, are omnivorous,” Sarek commented. “Larger specimens have consumed adultsehlats.”

Her eyes widened, and then she shook her head, conceding defeat. “All right, you win. I’ll study this list.”

“A most logical decision, my wife,” he told her, gracious and elegant as ever in victory. “Soran requests my presence. I shall return forthwith.”

Sarek discovered that Soran had his own PADD, on which he had compiled a lengthy list of gear for the trek.

"Four portable deflector units; eight dehydrated, prepared meals, Terran and Vulcan, with appropriate utensils; remote sensing device; twenty liters of purified water in high-impact travel containers; two fully redundant comm units; expandable wilderness sleeping platform with thermal coverings; four headlamps; two emergency medi-kits, one Human, one Vulcan; twenty rescue flares…” The aide paused a moment, re-checking his list.

Wilderness sojourns were not new to Sarek. In addition to the _kahs_ _’_ _wan_ survival test experience of every Vulcan child, he had spent much of his free time as a youth exploring the remote reaches of his family’s lands and beyond, such that the timeworn survival disciplines were now second nature to him. He had no doubt of his abilities to make such an expedition and to keep Amanda safe while doing so.

He ignored for the moment what Soran’s extensive supply list implied for his friend’s corresponding judgment of his abilities. Sarek could not resist asking at least one question, however. “ _Four_ headlamps?”

“Two are for back-up,” Soran replied, as if the need were obvious.

Definitely not the least bit nettled, Sarek said, “Amanda is not making this trek alone, I must point out.” At his friend’s blank stare, he continued. “And let me reiterate that this ‘trek’ is for one half day only, and will occur outside of peak temperature hours. Much of this equipment can be supplanted with traditional techniques. I do possess the requisite skills,” he finally added, in a manner that may have left the mistaken impression that he wassomewhat miffed.

Soran looked decidedly dubious. Then it was he who appeared miffed when Sarek innocently inquired, “Surely you are aware of such skills. You did complete your _kahs_ _’_ _wan_ , did you not?”

ooo

In the end, Sarek carried only a small pack with a few conveniences, a Human medi-kit and water, all for Amanda. They arose well before dawn in order to complete the trip before the heat of the day. Preparing to leave, they discovered I-Chaya waiting expectantly by Sarek’s flitter.

“Very well, old friend,” Sarek told the sehlat before making room for the huge animal.

Amanda climbed into the aircar eagerly, if somewhat ungainly in the _eshikh-saikhut_ she wore. Part hiking gear and part survival suit, the outfit she wore was intended to both facilitate travel in the shifting sands and rocky terrain they would traverse as well as to protect its wearer from environmental extremes. Sarek wore a much lighter and simpler version than hers, but he had been insistent that she would need the extra protection against exposure. _What a worrywart,_ she thought as she tried to get used to the heavy garment. She was well versed in all the outdoor environments Earth had to offer, and while she appreciated this would be different, she wasn’t worried.

Although Sarek had shown her on a map where they would be going, she hadn’t paid much attention to how they would be getting there. So when they headed off straight for the starlight-outlined L-langons, she didn’t think much of it until they passed over the foothills and flew directly in amongst the towering peaks.

“I thought you said we wouldn’t be hiking at high altitude,” she said, curious, when she noticed with surprise they had climbed to several thousand meters.

“You are correct,” Sarek replied, eyes ahead of him. “However, we must first reach the starting point of our journey.” He pointed the craft toward a narrow crack between two rock walls and accelerated. Amanda swallowed.

They shot through the slim canyon pass to emerge within a circle of still-taller peaks. Fierce gusts of wind buffeted them, but Sarek deftly maneuvered the aircar through the turbulence toward another narrow pass ahead. More than once the vehicle dropped tens of meters in an air pocket, but he remained unperturbed.

Amanda was fine handling watercraft in all manner of weather conditions, but as a passenger in the air it was another matter. She was amazed their flitter could even do this kind of flying – certainly none of the ones she had ever piloted on Earth were capable of this. _I guess Vulcan flitter technology is more advanced to handle the weather patterns here_. She tried gripping her armrests as inconspicuously as possible – but then gave up when I-Chaya emitted a loud howl and hunkered down on the floor in the back after a particularly precipitous drop.

Sarek glanced over at her. “Do not be concerned, _Aduna_. I-Chaya simply does not favor flying in these environs.”

“I see,” Amanda murmured, silently approving of the sehlat’s judgment on the subject. She hoped that neither she nor I-Chaya would lose first meal high up in the L-langons.

They reached the second pass, another cliff-lined slot, and, still buffeted by the wind, Sarek aimed the craft only meters away from the unforgiving rock wall as they barreled through. Amanda held her breath.

Immediately upon reaching the other side, he turned the craft nose downward, plummeting toward the valley floor below. After a few agonizing seconds he leveled out, then banked hard around a looming rock formation before pulling up and somehow landing gently on a broad stone outcropping.

Amanda sat still for a moment, very thankful that her seat was not about to fall out from underneath her again. She slowly released her breath. “Will it be… like that when we return?” she asked, hoping her voice remained neutral.

Occupied with shutting down the aircar, Sarek at first did not notice the emotion she was trying to conceal. “Most likely not,” he replied, and Amanda relaxed. “There was less turbulence in the inter-mountain passes this morning than is typical.”

_Less?_ She stiffened again, and this time her reaction did not escape Sarek. 

“Were you… frightened, _Aduna_?” he asked, eyeing her closely.

“No!” She denied, then reversed herself. “Well, yes, a little. I’ve never flown in a flitter in conditions like that, that’s all.”

“I regret to have caused you discomfort, my wife,” he replied earnestly, now obviously concerned himself. “You must know that I would never endanger you.”

“Oh, of course you didn’t, Sarek!” Amanda hastened to reassure him. “I just wasn’t expecting a roller-coaster ride like that.  I wasn’t worried about my safety.” _Not much, anyway._ She knew how seriously her husband took her safety and contentment.

“Very well, my wife,” Sarek replied, clearly doubtful. He resolved to find a smoother flight path back out of the mountains when they returned. He turned to gather his pack from the aircar.

Determined not to let the desert suit get in her way, Amanda looked for something she could carry. “What can I bring?”

“You need not burden yourself, _Aduna_. I have the supplies we need, and you are still acclimating to Vulcan.”

“But Sarek,” she protested, “that’s silly. I’m perfecting capable. Besides, according to you, I won’t be ‘fully acclimated’ for years.”

He raised a disapproving eyebrow at her, having none of her assertion. “Precisely my point and hardly ‘silly.’ I will accept no argument in this. Let us proceed.”

It was still night but the waning sliver of T’Kuht in the sky provided sufficient illumination for them to travel the well-worn trail.  I-Chaya, moving more quickly than his deceptively lumbering gait suggested, loped along ahead of them as though he had made this trip many times himself.

Amanda realized he probably had. And as she hiked along the pathway, grateful for the cool nighttime air, she reflected how may others before her, almost certainly none of them Human, had left footsteps here from ancient times to modern. Sarek had told her this route was part of a pilgrimage journey that Vulcans in the surrounding provinces had been making for millennia. _Once again, I am a newcomer,_ she thought, _and I am still discovering ways in which my adopted world is unfamiliar._

Sarek observed his small Human wife as she hiked in the gradually growing light. Although he walked in front of her, his keen ears told him whenever she was more than a step behind, and he would turn and wait for her. Many times, she had stopped to look more closely at a plant, small animal or rock formation, a thing he had noticed but considered unremarkable, and he was struck with the wonder she felt, perceiving his world anew.

He quietly ordered I-Chaya to follow behind Amanda, on the slim but non-zero chance that a desert predator would discover and take an untoward interest in his curious bondmate. Having thus provided additional security for his wife, Sarek relaxed enough to indulge her curiosity, pointing out the _pel-tar'uk_ shrub with its edible berries and the scurrying _valit,_ a shy desert rodent. At one point, a brilliant flash of blue in the scrub brush caught their attention.

“It is a _lara_ bird,” he informed her. “They are somewhat rare, and exceedingly difficult to maintain in captivity. In ancient times the sighting of one was believed to represent good fortune.”

Amanda’s bright blue eyes smiled up at him. “We’ll be lucky, then.”

His thought in response was illogical, so he did not voice it. _I am indeed, for I see one every day._

For her part, it was obvious to Amanda how attached Sarek was to the desert, and how at home her urbane, cosmopolitan husband was in this arid wilderness. He was clearly enjoying himself, in his way. _Being in the desert is to him the way being on the water is for me_.

He, of course, insisted on frequent rest and rehydration breaks for her. At one such stop, she noted he hadn’t taken any water himself.

“I do not require it,” he answered her. “The water we have brought is for your consumption.”

“You’re not planning on drinking _any_?” she asked in disbelief. “How long can you go without water?”

“Approximately six Vulcan days; three without adverse effects.”

She was about to argue with him over his unnecessary sacrifice when an odd sight over his shoulder in the distance captured her attention instead. In the morning sky she saw… clouds, but they were quite different than the ones she typically observed, high and wispy overhead.  These reminded her of Terran thunderclouds, tall and dark, although they appeared isolated on only a narrow slice of the horizon.

“Sarek, what kind of clouds are those? Will it rain?” she asked, excited at the idea of seeing actual precipitation for the first time on Vulcan.

Sarek turned, and paused a moment before responding. “Those are not clouds of water vapor. That is a sandstorm.”

Amanda’s eyes widened, and this time he could clearly sense a jolt of fear through their bond.

“As _grazhiv-sahrivlar_ go, it is a small one,” he said, intending to allay her concern. “They can arise at a moment’s notice.”

“ _That_ is ‘small’?” Amanda asked, obviously worried by the growing cloud mass.

“Yes. Nonetheless, it would be wise to seek shelter.”

“Where -- what shelter?” Amanda scanned the sheer-looking rock cliffs rising up on one side of them and the open, unprotected expanse of sand on the other. Even while they had spoken, the column of cloud and sand had grown significantly larger. She tried, unsuccessfully, to quell the unease that was growing as rapidly as the storm.

“Do not be concerned, _Aduna_ ,” Sarek said, not missing his wife’s increasing worry. “I will keep you safe.”

_How are you going to keep us safe from that?_ Amanda wondered.

For his own part, Sarek was quite confident of his ability to avoid harm from the storm. Nonetheless, the need to protect his Human wife, untrained in such disciplines, demanded the utmost vigilance.

“There are caves. Come,” he beckoned, leading her expeditiously toward what appeared to be a crevice in a pile of boulders at the base of the cliff.  The narrow crack did indeed widen into a passable opening, but a muffled growl from I-Chaya caused Sarek to cease his inspection.

“Not this one. It is occupied,” he explained.

Amanda closed her eyes at this news and tried to re-focus her mind away from her growing sense of alarm. Big, wind-driven storms had always made her uneasy. But how many expeditions of hers had Sarek endured into what must have seemed to be unfamiliar and potentially unsafe environments? He had trusted her, for the most part. Sure, he didn’t like to see her in ocean waves, but that was understandable.  And there had been that time at the _Tomatina_ festival in Spain when they had both ended up covered in tomato pulp before his security guards insisted upon removing them from the “dangerously violent” crowd of tomato-hurling celebrants. _But this_ _…this seems like real peril._

 They could hear the storm now, a low, ominous roar rising in pitch as it approached. Lightening flashed within the clouds. “Sarek,” Amanda warned, trying to rein in her emotions.

“Remain calm,” he said firmly, taking her hand. The trio hurried along the base of the cliffs. Finding another crevice, Vulcan and sehlat quickly assessed it.

“Amanda, attend,” he called to her after a moment, bidding her to follow him inside. “It is safe. This cavern appears geologically stable and I-Chaya declares it to be uninhabited.”

As she cautiously ventured in, he took her hand again, pulling her close so she could hear him over the rising wind. “Caves like this one have protected my people from wilderness hazards for millennia.  We are taught how to search for them when we begin survival training in our youth, and to remember their locations.” The storm now almost upon them, dark, swirling clouds blocked the light of the morning sky, and thunder boomed. “If you will excuse me, my wife…”

To her horrified amazement, he stepped back outside into the wind.

_“Sarek!_ _”_ she cried, really terrified now.

He reappeared, part of the stalk and roots of a large, tuberous plant in one hand. Amanda had barely noticed the flora along the cliffs.  _What on Vulcan is he doing?_

“I am here, _Aduna_. Do not be concerned.”

Sarek now quickly piled the available loose rocks into the cave’s small entrance, and Amanda followed his lead, narrowing the opening somewhat. I-Chaya assisted with the larger boulders. Having secured shelter, he took a moment to alert Soran of their status by comm before returning his full attention to her.

“As you may have surmised, my wife, the duration of our trek will be lengthened. I calculate the storm’s duration will be approximately four point nine seven hours.”

“We’re going to be trapped in here for five hours?” she asked, looking out at the storm in dismay.

“While we are not precisely trapped, as you say, we shall be delayed, yes.”

Another series of booms and shrieks came from outside as wind and sand whipped in at the cave’s entrance. Amanda jumped.

“Let us remain some distance from the entrance, my wife,” Sarek cautioned gently. “With that in mind, I assure you we are quite safe.”

At Sarek’s warning, I-Chaya dutifully shuffled forward and nudged Amanda further into the interior of the cavern.

“Hey, you,” she muttered in annoyance at the sehlat.

“ _Aduna_ , I-Chaya’s role in my household is to keep its members safe. This includes you,” Sarek informed her. “I am certain he intended no offense,” he added more lightly.

“Oh, Sarek,” she sighed unhappily. “I think you’re teasing me but I can’t even _see_ you in this hole we’re stuck in, and that storm outside is _awful_ \--”

With his superior low-light vision, Sarek could see her in what little illumination there was. It was also quite obvious through their bond that she remained quite distressed. He reached for her, offering her the _oz_ _’hesta_ and guiding her to sit.

Instantly a tiny but bright lantern appeared from his pack, along with a water bottle and what appeared to be a miniature cooking unit. After seeing to his satisfaction that she drank the water, he began stripping the tuber into pieces for cooking.

“You’re hungry at a time like this?” Amanda asked.

“It is a logical opportunity for nourishment,” he responded. “The tubers of the _tal_ _’oth-sakal_ can be consumed raw, although I believe you will find them more palatable cooked.”

Amanda simply stared at him for a moment as she digested the fact that he considered all of this routine, and had, in fact, prepared for it.

“You must find my behavior very illogical,” she sighed.

Sarek looked up from his task. “In what way?” he asked neutrally. Indeed, he did not fully understand her emotions at present, but he also sensed that declaring this fact would not improve her mood.

“I don’t know why, really,” she admitted, “but windstorms, tornadoes, like this especially frighten me. I guess you could say it’s an irrational fear of mine.” As if to prove her point, an especially violent blast of wind injected a spray of sand into their shelter. She slid closer to him.

“Is there anything that especially… bothers you, Sarek? Anything you have an instinctive uneasiness about? Or is this just another Human failing?” Amanda smiled sheepishly.

Sarek considered. Irrational fears were by definition illogical; therefore, he had none. He did not consider the fear of harm befalling his bondmate irrational. That concern was quite logical and demanded his frequent attention. Rational fear, of course, simply required control and the appropriate action to mitigate it.

Gazing down at her affectionately, he brushed her hair back from her cheek. “I see no failing here.”

The feel of her soft skin sparked the desire to touch her further, but he remembered his duty. “Mid-meal is prepared, my wife. Would you like to eat?”

_A good idea,_ she thought. It wasn’t until he was handing her a neatly wrapped, purple _tal_ _’oth-sakal_ leaf containing a serving of cooked root and _pel-tar'uk_ berries that she realized.

“I thought you didn’t cook,” she said.

“I am well-versed in wilderness food preparation techniques.” At her continued, curious look, he explained further. “However, I have only infrequently prepared meals under more conventional circumstances. It has never been required of me,” he told her honestly.

She shook her head at him, unable to resist teasing him. “So you can survive on the Forge but not in your own _aftum?_ _”_

“Were there no appropriate kitchen staff available, I would simply prepare wilderness fare as I have here, on the _aftum_ floor if necessary.  We would survive quite adequately,” he informed her confidently. “And while we are on the subject, you should eat, my wife.”

Perhaps it was the after-effect of their tumultuous flight, or her nerves from the storm, but Amanda suddenly felt queasy. “We’re not eating insects or anything, are we?” she asked, warily glancing at the unfamiliar food.  

Sarek almost looked offended. “Of course not. We are vegetarian.”

They had barely finished their meal when the wind accelerated yet again, sending sand screaming through the cave’s narrow entrance. Thunder and lightening crashed right outside, the storm apparently at its peak.

Amanda looked away as she swallowed, determined not to show any more fear even though it nagged at her. A moment later she turned back, her jaw set in determination.

Sarek did not fail to notice. He took her hands to reinforce his next words. “ _Aduna_. Our shelter in this cliff is secure from damage by the wind. This area has been seismically stable for centuries. Hostile wildlife will not be hunting during the storm. Indeed, there is very little danger that could befall us here.” Then he added quietly, “Nonetheless, I regret that our outing has caused you such distress.”

Amanda took a calming breath, reassured by his solid presence. “I’m sorry to be so emotional, _Adun_. But I’ll get over it. Just hold me, and I’ll be fine.” She looked up at him in entreaty and he pulled her close.

“You should rest, my wife,” he murmured soothingly, gently pulling her down with him to sit on the sand floor. Pulling a small sleeping roll out of his pack, he unfurled it. “It is logical to rest when we cannot travel,” he said in response to her skeptical look. “And you will rest more adequately if you remove your desert suit.”

His not-so-veiled invitation was enough to distract her from the fearsome weather once again. “You just want to see me naked,” she accused.

Drawing himself up with affronted dignity, Sarek replied, “I trust I do not need to resort to artifice for that.” He gestured to the sleeping roll while undoing the fastenings on his own suit. “I do mean rest. Come here, my wife.”

Amanda shook her head at him again, but acquiesced. While I-Chaya happily consumed the remainder of their meal, they bedded down in the rear of the cave and waited for the storm to run its course. Determined to remain calm, she burrowed in next to the reassuring warmth of her husband.

Sarek allowed himself to relax slightly. She would be safe next to him. In truth, he wished to do other than rest while they waited out the storm. But, sensing her resolve to prevail over her stubborn fear, he put his desires aside, and held her close instead. _She is mine_.

ooo

When Amanda awoke the air was much cooler in the cave, the wind outside finally calm. She herself was quite warm, however, with Sarek's body spooned protectively around her. _The storm has passed. He did keep us safe._

She smiled and relaxed against his firm musculature. A moment later she became aware of a different firmness -- as his _lok_ brushed against the backs of her thighs. Uttering a tiny sigh she arched her back, pushing her rear end against him, and his arms tightened, sensitive hands caressing her torso before roving further. He was definitely awake.

Amanda let her head fall back and her eyes close, her mind filled with vivid images of what she wanted to happen next.  _Oh, yes_ _…_ She was not disappointed.

_“K_ _’diwa,_ _”_ he murmured, his voice throaty and low.

His body tantalized by the feel of hers and fully aware of his mate's readiness, Sarek rolled himself over her with swift, cat-like grace. Settling between her thighs, one hand caressed her face while the other cupped a smooth, soft breast. She moaned and brought her arms and legs up around him.  His _lok_ positioned itself, and with a quick, firm thrust, he made them one. Amanda gasped, then moaned again.

Their bodies and minds came together and he thrust against her inner walls at a steady, insistent pace, working to draw out the length of time he possessed her body. // _Slowly,_ Aduna _, yes_ _… You are mine and we are one_ _… I will bring you to such_ _… satisfaction_ _…//_ his mind voice crooned to her _._ Her impassioned response was incredibly stimulating. Such intense sensation was difficult to contain.

He found it harder and harder to maintain his rhythm as her soft cries of pleasure rose in pitch and volume, echoing off the close walls of their shelter, and her body wound more and more tightly against him.  He sucked in a ragged breath, increasing his tempo. He felt her nails dig into his back, and he could not contain a hushed hiss. In a rush, he bent his head to her neck and shoulder and marked her, scraping her skin with his teeth.

_“Adun!_ _”_ she cried out helplessly as she gripped him in a frenzy, losing all control. Amanda gave herself up completely to him, lost in the feel of their bodies, their minds, moving as one. Her body sang.

_//I love you so much --!//_

Sarek shuddered, moving within her urgently now, driving them both swiftly to completion. He found it utterly irresistible when his wife surrendered to him so, to his male need. The only way he could respond was to demonstrate his satisfaction and pleasure in no uncertain terms. 

The conclusion to their dance was hot, hard and decisive. His whole body tensed against hers, pinning her to the cave floor as he pulsed within her. She cried out, and he held her captive there for several long moments while she writhed and moaned beneath him.

_//Aduna,//_ his mind voice heaved, thick with meaning that he could not express any further. He was complete when they were like this, their bodies tangled together and their minds intertwined.

_//I love you,//_ she replied, exhausted, before they curled together again for a further, unscheduled rest.

I-Chaya, who had discretely removed himself as far from the couple as he could in the still-barricaded cave, simply tucked his head under his paws and did his best to nap while he waited.

ooo

That night during his meditations, Sarek reflected, yet again, on the challenges of keeping his bondmate safe. Their brief sojourn had concluded satisfactorily, although it served as yet another obvious reminder that his Human wife was, not surprisingly, unfamiliar with managing the natural hazards of his planet. She had performed admirably under the circumstances. Nonetheless, he would continue to take measures to protect her from the Vulcan environment.

Then there was the matter of the so-called civilized elements of his world. While he had successfully defended her place at his side with the council, Sered’s continued presence there was troubling. There quite clearly remained a body of opinion that opposed his Human wife, on the council and elsewhere. Logic therefore demanded that he take prudent measures to ensure her safety from any unexpected, inhospitable maneuvers directed against her.

While he did not expect violence, anathema as it was in Vulcan society, he was fully aware that there were many avenues open to those who would wish to make life here difficult for her. Previously he had wanted her to acclimate to Vulcan uninterrupted by his frequent travels, a few of which were unquestionably too dangerous for her in any case, so he had not required her to accompany him. It was his judgment that this should now change; he would not have her harassed while he was away. He would continue to be vigilant – and he would actively keep her at his side wherever possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aftum – kitchen  
> D’mallular/D’mallu - omnivorous plant/vine(s) that can move quite quickly and devours its prey by wrapping its tentacle-like vines around it and pulling it towards its mouth
> 
> eshikh-saikhut - desert suit  
> grazhiv-sahrivlar - sandstorms  
> Menallar t’T’Asal - Cliffs of the Lady of the Morning  
> pel-tar'uk – desert shrub with edible berries  
> tal’oth-sakal - survival orchid


	38. Danger

It was far too short a time before the call came. The unresolved Klingon situation and ongoing pirate activity in certain shipping lanes short-circuited the usual diplomatic maneuvering over when and where to hold a joint Federation and allied summit, and another cooperative defense conference was called on Syldra, a Bolian colony in the Gamma Cygnus system.

Sarek informed Amanda in the morning before they departed for their offices.

She smiled sympathetically at her husband. “No rest for the weary, _hmm_?”

He tilted his head at the unfamiliar idiom. “Perhaps the voyage will enable you to obtain some needed rest, then,” he replied.

“What?” she asked, surprised.

“You will accompany me,” he declared at her puzzled look.

“But Sarek, I’ve scheduled important classes this week and next,” she objected. “Not that I don’t want to be with you,” she continued with a smile. “I just don’t travel with you that often, so I didn’t plan for it.”

_That is about to change,_ he thought, but he only said, “Another teacher will cover those sessions for you.”

Amanda sighed. Her linguistics suitemate Sterin would be the most appropriate to ask. Still, she was reluctant to make the request. “I’m certain someone can, but I’m finally gaining some acceptance amongst my colleagues. I hate to be begging time off.”

“If you explain your reason, my wife, you will have no issue.” At her skeptical look he added, “It is accepted for bondmates to remain together to the extent possible.” _And you will be safer with me._

“All right,” Amanda acquiesced. “But why now, Sarek, and not before?”

“I did not wish to disturb your early acclimation to Vulcan.” He stopped her from questioning him further, commenting, “I was unaware that you would find accompanying me to be such a questionable prospect, my wife.”

“Oh Sarek, of course not! I will be happy to accompany you,” she replied, exasperated and amused by his teasing.

He returned her gaze, expectant. “We depart in five days.”

ooo

In her last class before leaving for Sarek’s conference, Amanda announced the work that the students would be covering with _Savensu_ Sterin and then added, “And I have a special project for those of you interested in a linguistic and translational challenge.” She displayed an image of some of the _Seheikk'he_ writing that T’Grel had recovered.

“Does this appear familiar to any of you?” She asked.

Blank faces stared back at her.

“How about this?” Amanda asked, inserting the data chip with the audio portion.

Several pairs of Vulcan eyebrows rose.

“It is a dialect of ancient Vulcan,” T’Pin offered.

“What tells you this?” Amanda asked, replaying the segment.

T’Pin’s brow knit in concentration as she listened again. “The syntax conforms to pre-Golic Vulcan language… and believe I recognize some of the individual words.” She looked up. “A _t’liss_ is an antiquated Vulcan word for a particular predatory bird of the Na’Nam mountainous regions, one that preys on other birds.”

“Very good, T’Pin,” Amanda said. “These samples are from a set of _Seheikk'he_ artifacts uncovered by _Savensu_ T’Grel. Your supposition is a logical one.”

The young woman bowed her head in acknowledgment.

Amanda continued. “For those of you who are interested, _Savensu_ T’Grel and I would welcome your assistance translating these materials. When I return, I will review any other word identifications or associations with the symbology that you have been able to make.”

Leaving her office a little while later, Amanda reflected. It seemed she was settling into her professional life reasonably well, all things considered. She was becoming accustomed to her new home, too, even though she remained quite embarrassed over her reaction to the unexpected sandstorm on their trek. _I move to a desert planet, and I’m surprised by a sandstorm? Really, Amanda! I won’t let it happen a second time,_ she vowed.

She appreciated Sarek’s protective nature – up to a point, but she thought they’d reached an understanding on that, Vulcan male to Human female.  Now she hoped he would begin to feel less of a need to be so insulating as she successfully adjusted to her adopted home. He had fought so hard to gain her acceptance on the High Council; perhaps now the political issues surrounding their bonding would subside.

In that regard, Amanda was looking forward to the Syldra trip. There would be representatives from all over the Federation and its allied worlds participating, and she would hardly be the only Human. For a change, amongst the many varied species in attendance, their unusual pairing would hardly stand out at all.

ooo

The journey to the Gamma Cygnus system was uneventful. Sarek observed his wife, reading on a PADD in the common area of the _Surak_ , with contentment. _She is mine._ As if she sensed his thoughts, she looked up and smiled at him. Although he would be quite busy at this conference – working for more cooperative measures to combat piracy, and for a more logical approach to dealing with the Klingons – he found himself anticipating the next few days with Amanda in an environment where their bonding would receive less critical scrutiny.

When they finally arrived, it was early in the morning, local time. There was quite a back-up at the spaceport for some reason, and when Sarek sent Soran to investigate, they were informed that the Syldran officials were taking the unusual step of requiring all visitors to disembark onto the spaceport to be processed, rather than clearing them ship by ship.

As a result, the dignified and austere members of the Vulcan delegation found themselves waiting in a very long, very slowly moving line in the Syldran spaceport, alongside other diplomats, returning residents, tourists, several student groups, merchandise traders, and for some reason, a large number of livestock importers with samples of their charges literally in tow. Officials insisted for some reason that all arriving passengers also wait in the spaceport rather than on their ships. By mid-morning, the spaceport corridors had taken on a rather distinctive odor and tempers were beginning to fray.

“This is such a joke,” Amanda commented, as she observed two Bolian agents, obviously hastily pressed into service and unfamiliar with their jobs, attempt to placate a belligerent group of Tellarites at the front of the line.

Sarek turned to her, arching a curious brow. “You find humor in this?”

She made a face at him. “Of course not. I’m being sarcastic.”

“I fail to understand the logic of stating one thing when you, in fact, intend the opposite,” he commented gravely, but the glint in his eyes gave him away.

“Sure you don’t.”

At that moment Soran returned with a Syldran official, motioning Sarek aside.

“Excuse me, my wife.” A brief _oz’hesta_ , and he left her with T’Lina.

This Bolian, looking much more professional and experienced than the two processing functionaries, motioned the two Vulcans into a small side office.

_“S’haile_ , this individual has information of which you should be aware,” Soran said.

The Bolian spoke. “I am Darz Rixx, Ambassador, Chief Precautionary Officer of Syldra. I apologize for delaying your party here at space dock. It is not our usual procedure.” He lowered his voice, despite their private circumstance. “Our intelligence suggests possible hostile activity may take place during the conference.”

“Explain,” Sarek said.

“We don’t have much information, I’m afraid,” Rixx replied. “A couple of reports suggesting a possible plot to disrupt the conference, and one of our informants indicated there might be a Klingon attempt to infiltrate it. That’s why we’re processing every incoming passenger individually. We’re scanning the ships for stowaways and any other suspicious activity as well. I must say we didn’t expect this with a Starfleet presence here,” he finished.

Sarek was unimpressed. “Perhaps the threat has arisen because of Starfleet’s presence,” he said, earning a surprised look from Rixx. “Soran, have you evaluated the intelligence data described by Chief Rixx?”

“Not yet, _S’haile_. I will summon the appropriate security staff, and it will be done forthwith.”

“We will, of course, inform all of the delegations if we learn anything more,” Rixx added. “For now, we’re not publicly disclosing anything since it’s so unsubstantiated, but we are instructing people to be alert as always for criminal or suspicious activity.”

“Would not a more logical approach be to recommend that delegates restrict their movements until the nature of the threat is better understood?” Sarek asked. “If the intelligence is accurate, many individuals will be unknowingly exposed to possible danger.”

Rixx looked uncomfortable. “My instructions are to ensure that the conference proceeds without interruption. If we issue warnings, the conference will be disrupted. There is the chance that many participants will leave, and if those warnings turn out to be baseless, we will have undermined the conference for no reason. That could be exactly what the Klingons want.”

“Perhaps,” Sarek said, “but that is a superior outcome to the needless loss of life.”

The security chief nodded. “I agree with you, Sir. Perhaps you would speak to my superiors on the need for properly communicating this information to the conference.”

“Indeed, I shall do so.”

“Thank you, Ambassador,” Rixx returned. “We’ll get your party processed through the spaceport right away.”

ooo

Amanda waited for Sarek’s return along with T’Lina and T’Sar, Soran’s bondmate. T’Sar, a merchant trader, was busy on her PADD and T’Lina was on duty. Having finished her work on the _Surak_ , Amanda was eager to see some of the planet in person. Syldra was one of the older Bolian colonies, and it possessed a rich history in the arts and sciences. The climate in general was colder and more humid than Earth, so its settlements were frequently draped in fog, especially in the planet’s temperate regions, lending them an almost mystical appearance. She was looking forward to exploring some of the many picturesque locations on Syldra during the week-long conference. Always on the lookout for ancient texts, today she was hoping to get to the market area in the Old City just outside of where the conference would be held.

Finally cleared through security in space dock, the delegation rode a Syldran shuttle down to the planet’s surface. Amanda was captivated by the views on the way.

When they arrived at their destination, Sarek, who had been conferring with his aides during the entire shuttle ride, stepped to her. “My wife, I regret I have obligations before the conference begins this evening. Go to our rooms with T’Lina and Stell, and I will join you there as soon as I am able,” he told her firmly. _She will be safe there_.

She smiled at his grave manner and at the silly image her mind conjured up at his words, of her sitting primly on the corner of their hotel bed, patiently waiting for him to return. _Twiddling my thumbs. Of course he doesn’t mean that, thank goodness._ ~~~~

“I hope your meetings go well, _Adun_. I’ll see you soon.” She touched her fingers to his, then departed with the two security guards.

ooo

A short while later Amanda was unpacked and ready to go out. She summoned T’Lina. “We have three hours until the opening reception this evening,” she said. “I’m going to go down to the Old City before then to look for some antique Bolian books.”

“ _T’Sai_ , S’haile Sarek directed that you remain here with Stell and myself,” T’Lina objected.

Amanda restrained herself from rolling her eyes. She still wasn’t entirely used to the Vulcan predilection for literal interpretation. Of course she was going out, and she certainly didn’t need to ask permission. Then another thought occurred to her.  While she doubted Sarek meant for her to remain in their hotel rooms, she realized that he probably did intend her to be accompanied by the guards.

“T’Lina,” she said, seeking a fresh perspective, “for such a peaceful people, I don’t understand all the emphasis on security. I mean, I understand the need for it on diplomatic missions, but it seems like Sarek places far more emphasis on security for me than for himself or his delegation, even when I’m perfectly safe. Why is that?”

“He is a Vulcan. You are his wife,” T’Lina replied simply, matter-of-fact.

“Yes…” Amanda replied, not entirely satisfied. “I understand he has a duty to protect me, but I’m not involved in anything dangerous. Forgive me; I guess I just don’t see the logic of such a focus on safety and security for me, when the external circumstances haven’t changed since we bonded. Is it some sort of tradition?”

T’Lina weighed the question for a moment. The Human’s data set was incomplete. The guard had ascertained the ambassador’s intentions toward Dr. Grayson well before the rest of the delegation on Terra because of assignments he had given her.

_July, 2229_

_Sev waved T’Lina into the ambassador’s office. Once again, she had been summoned for an “ad hoc assignment.” Given the nature of previous such assignments, she had a well-formed hypothesis of what this one would entail._

_“T’Lina,” Sarek began, handing her a small PADD, “I have arranged a meeting at these coordinates, in Golden Gate Park, at 2045 hours tonight. You are to ensure that Dr. Grayson arrives without incident.”_

_“Yes,_ S’haile _. Shall I follow the same protocol as previously?”_

_“Affirmative. Remain discreet. She does not… prefer the presence of security, but it is necessary. And I do not wish her to be harassed by the Terran press.”_

_“Most logical,_ S’haile _. I come to serve.”_

“It is a tradition… in a manner of speaking,” T’Lina finally replied. “As you are aware, the _kevet-dutar_ has regarded your protection as a priority for some time.”

Amanda looked at the guard askance, reminded that Sarek had been ‘protecting’ her with security long before they were married. She sighed. “All right,” she conceded, “I need security, if he insists. If you come with me, Sarek will be satisfied that security has been addressed.”

T’Lina looked dubious. “It is standard procedure for two security officers to accompany you, _T’Sai_.”

“Oh, I know, but everyone else is in a meeting with Soran,” Amanda argued. “Stell could come with us.”

“Two security personnel are also required to remain here, at the delegation’s rooms.”

“Well, then Stell stays here and you come with me. We’ll make it a short trip, I promise. I’ll take the blame if we’re doing anything wrong,” Amanda said. She spoke the words lightly, but she was determined to go out. After being aboard the _Surak_ for days she wanted some fresh air and freedom of movement, even if only for a brief time. Syldra had been peaceful for centuries, and didn’t even have any significantly dangerous flora or fauna, she had learned. Bending a minor security protocol here just once couldn’t be a problem.

T’Lina faced a logical dilemma. Procedure required two personnel to accompany _T’Sai_ Amanda, and two to also secure the delegation’s living quarters. Logically, then, _T’Sai_ Amanda should remain in her rooms so that both objectives could be accomplished. However, the _T’Sai_ did seem quite resolved to venture into the Old City. _Osu_ Sarek had not suggested that she be kept in her room against her will. Perhaps what his bondmate was proposing was acceptable.

Stell voiced the same objections as T’Lina, and in the end refused to reach her conclusion, citing the specific words in Sarek’s instructions. In the face of unclear parameters and with their superiors indisposed, T’Lina determined that they had insufficient grounds for denying _T’Sai_ Amanda’s request. Stell respectfully disagreed, and remained at his post. T’Lina accompanied Amanda.

ooo

The Old City was beautifully preserved in the architecture from when Syldra was first settled; the fog-shrouded streets were incredibly picturesque and bathed the ancient walkways in mystery. The market area seemed to be full of bookstores, to Amanda’s delight. Crowds of beings from many different planets filled the shops, and she felt blissfully anonymous for the first time in a long while.

They were in a second bookshop when Amanda looked up from the thick, triangular volume she was examining to see a Vulcan couple observing her. She was pretty sure she’d seen them in the first bookshop as well, but hadn’t thought much of it. With a sinking feeling, it occurred to her that they might recognize her from Vulcan. Gossip on her adopted home planet didn’t travel via tabloid newsfeed, as it did on Earth, but it still seemed to get around pretty darn well, Amanda had noticed.

_Not so anonymous after all, am I?_  

Although it would be most impolite by Vulcan standards for them to approach her without a logical reason, she’d had enough experience by now to know that even “logical” inquiries could be unpleasant. She looked for T’Lina. It was probably a good time to move on to the next shop anyway.

In the third store, Amanda found a volume to buy. She decided she should also purchase the one she had been examining in the previous shop and had just informed T’Lina of her plan when she rounded a tall bookshelf – and came face-to-face with the male Vulcan she had seen in the other store. She jumped. His eyes glittered with a strange intensity as he stared at her, and he continued to intrude further into her personal space -- much further than typical for a Vulcan. Used to such distance now herself, Amanda drew back, clutching her book protectively to her chest.

“Excuse me,” she murmured awkwardly.  Without taking her eyes from the man, she stepped away, retracing her steps back to T’Lina. To her alarm and confusion, the Vulcan followed.

“Can I do something for you?” she asked hesitantly. The stranger did not answer.

_Something seems very wrong here_.

She bumped into T’Lina in her retreat, and when she looked back again, the ominous Vulcan had vanished.

“T’Lina, let’s go, now,” Amanda said softly, silently gesturing behind her. The guard, instantly on the alert, made a quick assessment and directed her charge out the shop’s side door.

Thick fog swirled around them when they exited and seemed to dampen all sensation in the alley where they found themselves. “This way, _T’Sai_ ,” T’Lina whispered, and the pair moved several steps away from the doorway before the guard stopped, holding up a hand for silence. At first they only heard the muffled sounds of people passing along the main thoroughfare. But then, very quietly yet distinctly, they heard the shop door softly close – a second time. Amanda’s heart raced. _Are we really being followed?_

The two women stood, tense and silent, for what felt like an interminable length of time. T’Lina remained rock still, listening intently. Amanda felt the hair prickle on the back of her neck. _Someone is out here with us…_

Without warning, the door opened again. There was an indistinct _thump,_ followed by the clatter of something metal hitting the pavement and a guttural noise that sounded like a muttered oath. Then, two voices, male and female, engaged in a hushed but heated argument. The voices sounded Vulcan, but Amanda could only make out a few words and fragments, and something that sounded like a name. Before she could discern more, though, she felt T’Lina’s strong fingers on her bare arm, propelling her away from the shop.

Amanda was surprised enough by the Vulcan woman’s touch that it took her several moments to notice that T’Lina led her away, not toward, the main thoroughfare and that they were taking a very circuitous route to get where they were going. When she tried to ask, the guard sternly gestured for silence. Amanda had only just figured out that they were winding their way back to their hotel when they heard claxon sounds – _alarms?_ she wondered – in the distance. _What is going on?_

They finally reached the hotel courtyard. Amanda was unwilling to wait any longer for an explanation. “T’Lina, what do you think happened back there?”

“I heard --” the guard began to answer, but was interrupted by her comm beeping with a priority signal.

Soran’s face appeared on T’Lina’s screen. “Is _T’Sai_ Amanda with you?” he asked abruptly.

“Of course, _S’haile_.”

“You are both to report to the delegation’s meeting room at once.”

“What is _that_ about?” Amanda asked. Soran was almost never unpleasant, but he had just about barked at T’Lina.

She did not get the chance to ask him. The two women arrived in the conference room to find Sarek awaiting them, a thunderous expression on his face. Amanda’s eyes widened.

“Why did you disobey me?” he demanded.

“What, Sarek? What are you talking about?”

“I instructed you to remain in our rooms. You did not. This is unacceptable.”

Shocked, Amanda’s mouth dropped open, but Sarek had turned his attention to T’Lina.

“T’Lina. You have failed in your duty. You are dismissed until further notice.”

“Sarek!”

“Silence, _Aduna_. It is not your place.”

Amanda made an outraged gasp. _How dare he?_

T’Lina, meanwhile, bowed her head and murmured, “I ask forgiveness, _S’haile_ ,” before turning and exiting without objection.

Whirling back toward her husband, Amanda demanded, “What on Vulcan is going on here, Sarek? Why did you just dismiss T’Lina?”

“You were disobedient. She allowed it,” he answered tersely.

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “‘Disobedient?’ Sarek, I thought we understood each other better,” she accused, angry and worried. _What is he thinking?_

“If you insist upon circumventing reasonable safety precautions --”

“Oh, ‘safety precautions,’ my foot! _Enough_ with this possessiveness!” Amanda cried, exasperated, her voice rising. “Just lock me up somewhere, why don’t you? Is that what it’s going to take for you to stop haranguing me constantly? Why don’t you _trust_ me?”

His eyes bore into hers but he said nothing, for at that instant Soran entered the room, Stell in tow.

“You have further detail?” Sarek asked the chief of staff.

“Indeed,” Soran intoned gravely. “Syldran authorities have re-confirmed the occurrence of a fatal assault approximately seventeen _lirt’k_ ago in the shopping district of the Old City. Perpetrators are unknown. The victim was a Human female, as-yet unidentified, approximately one point six three meters in height, between fifty-two and fifty-eight kilograms, with light-colored hair and eyes. A torn Federation flag was found on the body, apparently placed there by the assailant or assailants. The murder weapon appears to have been some type of ceremonial dagger, possibly Klingon in origin.”

As Soran relayed more details of the horrifying event to Sarek, Amanda sat down silently, stunned, her hand over her mouth.  A Human woman… in the old shopping district just now… _How had she been killed so quickly in that crowded area, and how had her murderers escaped so fast?_

Soran finished and now Sarek, his face devoid of all expression, began rapidly issuing orders. “Communicate this immediately to the rest of the delegates. No one is to leave the hotel compound for the duration of this mission, and security escorts are to be provided for any movement within it. Have each group take a census of its members so that we may identify the murdered woman, and determine if anyone else is missing. Send a forensic detail to the site of the crime and perform a thorough analysis for information as to the perpetrators’ identity. Cooperate with local safety authorities, such as they are. Organize a security briefing in the central conference room for seventeen hundred hours. I plan to issue a formal protest, but we must have all available facts beforehand.”

“It will be done, _S’haile_.”  Soran bowed and departed. 

It was only then that Sarek turned his attention to Amanda. When his stern eyes met her tear-filled ones, she shuddered.

“Oh Sarek, that poor woman! That was meant to be… to be _me_ , wasn’t it?” she asked, her voice shaking.

“A possibility,” he replied tersely, his voice tight with control.

Amanda closed her eyes. “I am so sorry,” she whispered. “I gave you such trouble, accused you of such awful thoughts, and then to have this happen –”

He interrupted her, the only indication so far of his internal distress. “My wife. There are matters to which I must attend at this time. The most logical course of action for you is to proceed to our rooms. Stell, Sporn and T’Shara will accompany you.” His voice was cold and businesslike, and Amanda felt awful.

“Stell,” Sarek demanded the security officer’s attention, “you will verify _T’Sai_ Amanda’s status and report in to me every fifteen _lirt’k_.”

“Yes, _S’haile_.”

“Amanda.” Sarek turned, and his voice softened ever so slightly. “This is for your safety. This time, remain in our rooms… please.”

Amanda only nodded, afraid of what would happen to her composure if she allowed herself to speak. The reality of the events of the past hour, of what had almost transpired, began to sink in. She had been a hair’s breadth away from death. She and T’Lina had seen the assassins, she was certain. But instead of hers, another woman’s life had been snuffed out. _What of that innocent soul?_ Her thoughts in a stunned jumble, she allowed the guards to lead her away.

ooo

Sarek’s own thoughts reeled as he watched his wife depart. One part of him did not want to let her out of his sight, but another knew that he required all of his concentration to track down the source of this threat, both to his bondmate and to others at the conference. He was appalled by the turn of events: once again, he had painstakingly analyzed the relevant factors and had logically determined the safest course of action to take for his wife, and yet again, he had been disastrously wrong. Why did it seem that he simply could not reliably keep her safe? He was deeply troubled, but knew he would have to put off meditation until this threat was addressed. He was grateful for the moment alone to reassert his disciplines. _She is mine, and I will remain in control._

ooo

Hours later that evening, after discharging his many duties and after a thoroughly unsatisfactory meeting with Syldran security, Sarek retreated toward his room. Some security consultants, formerly of Starfleet, were assisting the local authorities, but the combined investigative force had little to show for itself so far. There were no witnesses, and no suspects in custody. No Klingon presence had been confirmed, in spite of speculation that they were the culprits. The murdered woman turned out to be a Human tourist who happened to be conversing with a trio of Vulcan traders shortly before she was killed.

Had a random series of events caused the victim to be mistaken for Amanda? If Amanda was, in fact, whom the killers were targeting, why? Could this violence be connected to the hostility his wife faced from some on Vulcan? Or was this again an act of extremists like the ones they had encountered on Earth? Either possibility seemed far-fetched, but the confluence of events was too unlikely to ignore.

Further, he was deeply shaken by what had almost happened as a result of Amanda’s unpredictable actions, and he chastised himself for being so lax with her. She needed more of his protection. She did not automatically defer to him, and he was frequently bewildered by her casual disregard for his responsibility to safeguard her. Her willfulness was at times a source of exasperation, frustration, and now, great concern. A Vulcan wife would not be completely deferential, either, but she would at least argue using logic.

Yet Sarek had promised before their marriage he would not expect his wife to behave as a Vulcan. And being honest with himself, he knew that he also found Amanda’s occasionally unforeseeable behavior fascinating and stimulating, for she always had unique logic of her own to justify it. But what if exactly such behavior led to a tragedy like the one they only narrowly avoided today?

Sarek confronted an uncomfortable paradox. He needed to keep her safe with logic. But he suspected he could not have her without emotion. _And I will not ask her to be any less Human. Have I created an unresolvable situation by allowing emotion – hers and mine -- to illogically influence my actions?_ By the time he reached their rooms he was in great need of meditation.

Amanda met him at the door.

_“Adun!”_ she exclaimed, relieved to see him.

“My wife, it is late. You should be resting.”

“Sarek, how do you expect me to rest at a time like this? Stell has been checking on me every five minutes, I was worried about you, and people here are getting killed!”

“You are most argumentative, my wife,” Sarek replied, trying and failing to repress the touch of fondness he felt at precisely the characteristic he had been lamenting a moment earlier. “Stell has been checking in every 21.15 Standard minutes, not every five. And you need not worry about me.” He touched her cheek. “You should rest,” he repeated, in a tone that indicated he expected to be obeyed.

Amanda sighed, deciding it was perhaps better not to argue with him. He certainly seemed tense. She took a seat on the bed, hoping that he would join her.

He did not. In controlled, measured movements, Sarek patrolled the room. To an outside observer, he was merely surveying their temporary residence, logically taking stock, but Amanda could see the difference in the way his eyes darted from place to place and in the tension in his frame. A wave of guilt washed over her. _His possessive behavior can definitely be out of line a times, but he can also be right – like he was today_. Even though she could never characterize it to him this way, it was painfully clear to her that he was upset. _And it’s my fault_.

On his second circuit around their rooms, she spoke up. “Sarek, please come sit down. I am very sorry for what happened. I should have told you I was going out.”

To her trained eye, his stiff posture appeared to soften ever so slightly.

“Amanda, you could not have known,” he replied gravely. “I have been a poor communicator. The life of a diplomat is spent navigating situations that are either banal or treacherous, and quite often both. I have spent the majority of my life doing such. I regret I have inadequately conveyed the implications of this to you.”

Amanda noted that he charitably did not point out that he had been dealing with these situations for longer than she had been alive. Now he turned toward her, and in that expressionless face she saw emotion bleeding through in the light of his eyes.

“Amanda, please know that, no matter how it may appear to Human sensibilities, I never desire to subjugate you in any way. You are _k'hat'n'dlawa_ , _aduna_ , _t’hy’la_.  I _must_ keep you safe.” He closed his eyes for an instant, as if to conceal again the intensity of what he had revealed. When he opened them again, his voice softened. “Do you understand?”

“Oh, Sarek…” she whispered, deeply touched by the heartrending vulnerability she had seen in those eyes. She didn’t fully grasp the depth of his need to protect her, knowing that the Human analog she felt for him just wasn’t the same, even though she loved him immeasurably. The roots of his need were in his unspoken emotions and in a biology that was alien to her. What was clear was how profoundly, utterly vulnerable he was over her.

At that moment Amanda decided some things, decisions she would keep for a lifetime. Other Humans might criticize her for the appearances of her actions, but she determined that minor demonstrations of her own autonomy and Human status were not worth troubling her husband on a level this deep. She couldn’t help her emotions any more than she suspected he could deny his instincts; there was no reason to add to the burden of control that he already shouldered.

So if walking a few steps behind him and allowing him to keep a close eye on her movements got a little annoying occasionally, it was still well worthwhile. He certainly met her more than halfway on so many dimensions, even if no one else could see it. _I should do the same for him_.

She stepped to him, placing her hands on the sides of his face. “I do know, _Adun_ , I do. I’m sorry for being so difficult sometimes. What will you do with such an unruly, Human wife?”

“I will keep her safe,” he murmured, pulling her to him.

Amanda responded eagerly, almost desperately, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her body to his. After today’s frightening events, she needed to feel him close right now.

And although Sarek’s manner did not reveal his emotional state, he was equally desperate to claim his mate. Once again, she had found herself in harm’s way, despite his efforts to keep her safe, and once again, those efforts had been sorely lacking. Even as he attempted to calm his mind with logic and with the fact that she was here, unharmed, he could not deny that he had almost lost her.

Now, before he would allow himself to seek solace and reassurance in her living, breathing mind and body, he forced himself to assess the security of their situation. Stell and Sporn were stationed immediately outside, and T’Shara was positioned only meters away. The rest of the delegation was on alert. Further, the _Surak_ was now continuously scanning the conference environs for any anomalous activity. And he was here, with her, where he would protect her -- with his very life if necessary.

_She is mine._

His mouth descended on hers as his fingers found her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> lirt’k – Vulcan “minute,” equal to 1.41 Terran minutes  
> t’hy’la - friend-lover-lifelong companion, blood brother/sister; soulmate; soul-brother/sister


	39. Mystery

Sometime later, Amanda having fallen into an exhausted slumber, Sarek arose. He could not sleep. The investigation into the murder was unresolved, and that unknown threat threw the conduct of the conference into question. He knew he needed to concentrate on the many diplomatic issues now demanding his attention, yet a stubborn part of his mind remained focused on the need to protect his bondmate. Fortunately, those two sets of goals were not mutually exclusive. He simply needed to discipline himself completely to logic.

He was disturbed from his meditations by Amanda, fitfully tossing in bed. She murmured something, sounding agitated. _“Nufaya… nufaya na…”_ she muttered, her browed furrowed in her sleep.

He was about to wake her when her eyes popped open. _“Nufaya na..!”_ she exclaimed before looking around, momentarily disoriented.

“Amanda?” Sarek asked, puzzled and concerned.

“Sarek!” She turned to him, excited. “I heard these words. I need to speak to T’Lina!”

“My wife,” he admonished, “you are fatigued and recovering from a disturbing experience. You should rest.”

She shook her head, adamant. “Sarek, I can’t just stand by and do nothing. Those murderers are still out there, and I heard them. I need to see T’Lina!”

“You heard them when, _Aduna_? How do you know this?” Her statements were not making sense.

“When one of those Vulcans came after me in the alley way, I was pretty sure he meant me harm. T’Lina agreed. Then I heard them arguing.” 

“Vulcans?” Sarek repeated, surprised.

“Yes,” Amanda replied as if he should know. “Didn’t you de-brief T’Lina?”

Sarek’s expression clouded momentarily as he recalled T’Lina’s failure to keep his bondmate secure. Then Amanda’s question registered, and he realized he had, in fact, overlooked this. “No, she has not been debriefed to my knowledge,” he answered, inwardly chastising himself for the oversight. His focus had not been what it should have been.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Sarek. We need to talk to her!”

Sarek reached for his comm.

ooo

A few minutes later, Sarek, Amanda, T’Lina, Stell and Soran gathered to hear Amanda’s and T’Lina’s account of what had happened to them. It quickly became clear that their encounter with the strange pair of Vulcans occurred only minutes before the tourist was murdered nearby. Soran notified the authorities at once.

It was also clear that T’Lina had acted swiftly to remove her charge from the dangerous area. Recognizing that the guard very well might have saved his bondmate’s life, Sarek acknowledged the fact. “Your actions were commendable, T’Lina,” he allowed gravely. “You are reinstated to duty.”

Meanwhile, Amanda peppered T’Lina with questions about the exchange they had heard in the alley. Most of the words and fragments T’Lina recited were unknown to her, an alien language, although a few sounded vaguely familiar.

“I thought I heard a name spoken at one point, a female Vulcan name,” she stated. “Did you hear something like that as well?”

“Affirmative,” T’Lina answered, looking thoughtful. “The male spoke it. It was ‘T’Pel.’”

“The words I heard him say right before that were Vulcan, too. ‘Gift to’ or ‘gift for,’ Amanda added. “‘Gift for T’Pel’?” What does that mean?”

Sarek, who had been conferring with Soran, turned at her words. “Aduna, did I hear you say ‘Gift for T’Pel,’ _‘Nufaya na’T’Pel’_?” he asked.

“Yes, _Adun_. That’s what I heard. Who’s T’Pel?” Amanda was mystified, not to mention frustrated that she was having such difficulty making sense of a Vulcan phrase.

Sarek looked grave. “The reference is from Pre-Reform history. T’Pel is a female Vulcan name, although not a common one, because T’Pel was also an ancient warrior goddess. Prior to the Awakening there was an assassins’ guild who referred to themselves as the ‘Adepts of T’Pel.’”

“What happened to them?” Amanda asked.

“It is believed that the majority departed Vulcan with the Sundered, although that has not been historically confirmed.” Then, more somberly, he added, “A ‘gift’ or ‘offering’ ‘for T’Pel’ was the phrase used to identify the assassin’s target.”

The small room was silent for a moment. Amanda swallowed.

Before she could say anything, a PADD chimed, and Soran spoke up.

“ _S’haile_ , Syldran security requests a meeting with us at once.”

“Go and meet with them,” Sarek said, his eyes not leaving Amanda’s. “We will join you shortly.”

The room emptied, leaving the pair alone.

“My wife, this is a matter of some import. May I have your thoughts?”

ooo

For Amanda, reliving the frightening near miss from earlier in the day was not easy. She knew it had to be harder on her husband, though, even though he allowed no trace of a reaction while he experienced her memories.

When he withdrew from her mind, his face was a stoic mask.

They did not get the opportunity to talk further as Soran apologetically interrupted. “I ask forgiveness, _S’haile, T’Sai,_ but the Syldran investigative team is most insistent that they speak with you.”

The team consisted of Darz Rixx of the Syldran Precautionary Force, one of his subordinates, Daro Zarix, and a security consultant, a former Starfleet officer, Lieutenant Nashadi. After asking Amanda for her statement, they began with a lengthy list of questions.

“Are you certain the suspicious individuals you saw were, in fact, Vulcans?” Lieutenant Nashadi asked dubiously.

“They were Vulcans by all appearances,” Amanda replied, “and I was quite close to one of them.” The lieutenant looked unconvinced, and Amanda added, somewhat drily, “I do know what I’m talking about in this area.”

The consultant, a tall Human woman, ignored her last statement. “Could they have been Klingons?” she asked.

“No.” Amanda shook her head.

Daro Zarix spoke up. “We’ve had reports of possible Klingon activity in this area, potentially related to the conference, but nothing related to Vulcans.” He cast a sideways glance at Sarek, as if he feared offending the ambassador. Sarek did not react.

“What about surgically modified Klingons?” The former lieutenant pressed.

Amanda shook her head again. “That would be a great deal of modifying.”

Nashadi eyed Amanda with skepticism.  What would a civilian know of these kinds of things? But before she could voice her thoughts, Sarek stepped forward.

“My wife is correct. The individuals she observed were Vulcanoid.”

All three investigative officers looked to Sarek in surprise.

“Were you there as well, Ambassador?” Darz Rixx asked.

“No. But what my wife tells you is correct. I can verify there was no visible evidence suggesting that these were Klingons.”

The range of skepticism and confusion on the three faces would have been amusing if they were not investigating a murder. Uncertain whether Sarek was simply projecting diplomatic haughtiness or if there was another reason for his certitude, the two Bolians opted for deference, and did not comment further. Vulcans were purportedly touch telepaths, they knew, and they did not want to offend their distinguished guest.

The Human, however, was not so inclined. “I’m sorry, sir, but how do you know this?”

“She is my wife. I have seen what she has seen.”

“I don’t think that’s a basis for an eyewitness account,” Nashadi stated flatly, to the discomfort of her colleagues.

“Do you have reason to doubt my veracity? A Vulcan does not lie.” Sarek fixed the security officer with his unblinking gaze.

Rixx interjected, concerned about a diplomatic incident, “Lieutenant, Vulcan mind techniques are considered admissible in certain jurisdictions.”

Fed up with this debate, Amanda stepped in before Nashadi could argue further. It was an unfortunate truth that some Humans remained deeply suspicious of telepathic and other psionic abilities. “Regardless,” she stated, “I _was_ there, and I can assure you that the pair I saw appeared far more Vulcan than Klingon.”

“I suggest you broaden your list of potential suspects,” Sarek instructed, directing his remarks to the Bolians. “I would also suggest that the sooner you can advise me of the progress in your investigation, the better, so that I may communicate it to the conference. Otherwise, the delegates are likely to vote to close this conference in favor of a more secure location.”

His point was not lost on Rixx and his colleague, who quickly hustled their recalcitrant Human compatriot out of the Vulcan delegation’s rooms.

“What now?” Amanda asked.

“I remain unconvinced that this location has not been compromised. I plan to motion that the conference be adjourned to a safer one at our next session. Soran, please make the appropriate arrangements in anticipation.”

The chief of staff nodded, and Sarek lowered his voice to speak to Amanda alone. “You shall remain by my side, _Aduna_ , until this situation has been resolved.”

He did not voice his concern, but he was disquieted by the potential identity of the perpetrators. While cosmetic surgical techniques were advancing rapidly, he did not believe the beings Amanda had seen were Klingons. Their body type, bearing and mannerisms were too different, too _Vulcan_ , outside of a major transformative effort that was entirely inconsistent with known Klingon medicine. And if the Klingons were ruled out, that left no clear group of suspects – except, of course, the obvious one.

He did not realize that Amanda’s thoughts paralleled his own until she spoke.

“Sarek, why would a pair of Vulcans want to kill me?”

Her husband’s eyes met hers swiftly. The possibility she raised was highly unlikely – and disturbing to contemplate – but it could not be ignored. “I do not know, _Aduna_. There is no logic in murder,” he said firmly.

“Well, yes, of course, but for someone… unscrupulous, murder might be a means to get someone out of the way. Someone who was causing trouble for the would-be killer. But I don’t think there’s anything that I’m doing in my work that would motivate anyone that way.”

Sarek silently acknowledged her point, waiting to hear more of her argument. Meanwhile, the conversation had drawn Soran’s attention.

Amanda continued, “I suppose I have displeased some Vulcans by marrying you, _Adun_. But would any consider murdering me?”

Sarek jerked his chin to the side to indicate the negative. “Such behavior would be most aberrant.”

He had trouble imagining such an act on his world; it was unheard of in modern times, and it was for precisely this reason, among others, that he had wanted to bring his wife to Vulcan. _To keep her_ _safe_. But with so many other, unexpected occurrences since her arrival, he was forced to consider the possibility.

“There is the unlikely potential of a deranged individual. However, I estimate the probability at less than one point two five percent.”

Amanda nodded, her eyes mirroring her growing concern. “Yes, _Adun_. But what about your work? Are there those who might oppose your diplomatic efforts, who would wish to see them derailed?”

“There have been no attempts to harm me,” Sarek said.

He did not understand her point, but Soran did, his eyes widening slightly as he looked from one to the other. He could think of numerous factions inside and outside the Federation who opposed various of Sarek’s initiatives, including some who possessed violent tendencies.

“Sarek,” Amanda said gently, “if something happened to me, would it make it more difficult for you to accomplish your diplomatic objectives?”

The ambassador drew up, experiencing a range of conflicting emotions.

_Logically, no. Discipline prevails. Duty must be fulfilled. Yes!! How could she think I would be unaffected by her loss?_

He took a slow breath, and forced himself to think through what she was trying to tell him.

After a moment, he looked down at his wife in silent surprise. Although he accepted the inherent risks to himself that came with his role, and he remained alert to the danger that she could become collateral damage in an attack on him, he had not actually considered the possibility that someone would seek to harm her as a means of thwarting his objectives. And yet, that could be exactly the motive in this situation, and was very likely the calculus of the Orion delegate at the Antares IX conference. It was yet another way he could be the cause of her demise. Seeking to quash the upwelling of tension in his core, he drew in a breath, only the hardened line of his jaw belying the emotion he otherwise concealed. _I must protect – she is mine…_

His thoughts were interrupted when Soran was called away to the door. Taking the moment to restore his logic, Sarek looked up to see the second Bolian security officer, Zarix, accompanied by the security consultant.

“We intercepted a private spacecraft attempting to leave the Syldran spaceport without proper clearance,” Zarix announced. “The craft had been reported stolen from Rigel V. Although the main surveillance cam for that craft’s dock appears to have, er, malfunctioned, a secondary back-up was able to capture some data.” Zarix stepped forward with a PADD. “Do you recognize these individuals?” he asked.

 Amanda looked at the footage on the PADD that angled up from somewhere near the floor to reveal two figures, one male, one female, furtively making their way down the gangway. She had seen those faces before. As they rounded a corner, the distinctive, upswept tips of their ears could be seen.

“I recognize them,” she said quietly. T’Lina concurred.

“Did you apprehend them?” Sarek asked expectantly.

Zarix looked uncomfortable. “They were leaving the spaceport, and refused to stop when we hailed them. When our flyer intercepted them, they self-destructed. So,” he concluded, albeit with less than full confidence, “at least this pair won’t pose a risk to anyone here again.”

Sarek frowned. With this news, they could not positively ascertain the identity of the perpetrators, and neither could they determine what level of threat remained for the conference attendees. Two lives had been sacrificed. He was quite displeased.

“Private craft are not typically equipped with self-destruct mechanisms,” Soran objected.

“This is true,” Zarix agreed. “The vessel was apparently rigged with explosives.” ~~~~

“How did you conclude that they intentionally destroyed their vessel?” Sarek asked.

Lt. Nashadi spoke up. “They refused to stand down and be boarded. We fired a disabling shot at their engines, and they detonated.”

 Sarek turned to the former lieutenant in near-disbelief. “You advised the Syldrans to fire on a non-aggressive vessel?”

“They were hostiles,” Nashadi insisted.

“You did not even have corroboration they were involved in suspicious activity until this meeting.” Sarek’s voice was dark with disapproval.

Nashadi drew herself up officiously. “It is the responsibility of the Precautionary Force to maintain the peace so that the conference can continue. That means reacting to threats like this one. They were fleeing and they self-destructed. They were obviously trying to hide something.”

“Your actions were most illogical. Firing on that vessel may have caused its inadvertent destruction. You have quite possibly committed murder. And do you not realize that you have significantly compromised your ability to identify the perpetrators of the first killing?” Sarek asked, his tone severe.

“They blew themselves up, Ambassador,” the consultant argued back. “And we have reason to believe they were Klingons. Unless they really were Vulcans. In which case perhaps you can enlighten us further!” she challenged.

Amanda drew an indignant breath at such an inappropriate remark. Meanwhile Zarix, belatedly realizing he had allowed the situation to careen out of control, hastily stepped forward to end the argument before the consultant did more diplomatic damage.

Sarek merely stared coldly at the security officer, wondering how such a being could be put in a position affecting the lives and safety of others. “This meeting is concluded,” he declared. He turned to the Bolian. “I have no choice but to recommend to the conference that we adjourn to a more secure locale.”

“Please relax, Ambassador,” Zarix pleaded hurriedly. “We’ll have everything under control very shortly. Our sincerest apologies for the disturbance,” he said, casting a threatening look in Nashadi’s direction.

Sarek stared down at the Bolian expressionlessly, but still managing to convey his tightly controlled irritation. “I am Vulcan. We do not ‘relax.’”

Amanda observed the exchange with concern. While her husband had reason for frustration in the poor manner that the investigation had been handled, it was unusual to see him express it so openly. Before she could think further, he turned in her direction.

“My wife, attend.” With that he strode away, clearly expecting her to follow. Deciding for the second time that evening that it was best not to argue, she silently accompanied him.

ooo

When they reached their private rooms, Sarek immediately excused himself to meditate, leaving Amanda to ponder the situation, and him. She wondered if his tense demeanor did, in fact, mean he needed some time to revitalize, albeit in a purely Vulcan way. She certainly couldn’t begrudge him that after the many trying events of the past few months; she wanted the same herself. No one, not even he, was impervious to stress, and between them they had had their share.

She puzzled on the problem of how to help him achieve a release from the cares that dogged him. More meditation? For Humans, vacation or some kind of cathartic activity would be the typical prescription, but she knew it would be different for him. Pure vacation in Human terms would be illogical to him, and she by now knew that anything akin to catharsis, or any substantial deviation from his normal behavior patterns, would likely have a result opposite from what was intended. The briefly dominating sex play she had tried out with him was as far as she believed he would venture.

Unlike most Humans, for Sarek and most Vulcans, a substantial deviationfrom accepted behavior patterns would not be a relaxing experience. Instead it would yield resistance and shame, so strongly his people were acculturated to identify with control, and to perceive that lack of it equated to unremitting violence and destruction.Loss of control was a terrifying genie that, once let out, might refuse to re-enter the well-justified confines of its bottle.

As a Human, Amanda knew it was temptingly easy to scoff at such apocalyptic beliefs. However, from her time living among Vulcans and from sharing his innermost thoughts, she also knew she possessed a small, but still very sobering, conception of the truth on which those beliefs were based.

There was ample evidence in the known universe that the will to live did not always win out. The Galaxy was littered with too many burnt out carcasses of dead worlds, of civilizations that had destroyed themselves, regardless of how advanced they had become before their downfall. From what she had learned in little-shared details of Vulcan history, her husband’s people had only narrowly escaped such a fate themselves.

From sharing his thoughts, Amanda also knew how intensely her Vulcan husband experienced every aspect of life – from the taste of a piece of fruit to… much more intimate, profound encounters. He must have to deal with the temptation to _feel_ multiple times every day, she imagined. But to feel was to risk loss of control, which could not be allowed. That was why the prohibitions were so strong, so comprehensive.

And so, not for the first time did she realize this, did the seemingly small things he did for her, to accommodate her Human need for demonstrated love, represent perhaps a far greater bending of his ways than the many concessions he asked of her. This was especially true given that the S’chn T’Gai were expected to set an example for the rest of Vulcan.

Yet he did those things, knowing that when he did, he risked tapping into that powerful, underlying force that, uncontrolled, could destroy them both in a Vulcan heartbeat. He walked a razor’s edge for her. They really were fundamentally different beings at their cores, even though they shared so much. Amanda appreciated that, loved him for it, and vowed not to expect or ask for more than he could give. She didn’t need him to voice his emotions for her, or do any of the other things Human partners in relationships typically took for granted. She already knew.

ooo

Amanda swallowed, worried about Sarek and the unresolved issues they faced here.

_I can’t help him if I’m worked up, though_.

She took a deep breath, pulling her own emotions back under control as she stared out at the Syldran night sky. As she did so, her husband emerged from the other room, fresh from meditation. She admired his strong form.

_He’ll probably have these issues resolved in no time_.

He strode to her and offered her the _oz’hesta_ before lowering his forehead to hers. Now re-centered and refreshed, he was determined to address the ambiguous security situation at the conference and attempt to bring the meeting to a satisfactory conclusion. For the moment, though, he simply desired to soak up his wife’s soothing presence, finding calm in the gentle acceptance of her mind.

_//K’diwa.//_

_//Adun.//_  Knowing they were alone, Amanda reached up and softly kissed him. _//I love you.//_ His warm eyes reflected her thoughts back to her.

ooo

The remainder of the conference was of limited usefulness. Many delegates remained understandably on-edge in the aftermath of the unsolved murder, and practical deliberations on cooperative security measures were undermined by debate on the possible identities of the attackers.

Following a briefing from Syldran security that seemed to raise more questions than it answered, an Argellian delegate proposed that the Federation issue a formal protest with the Klingon Empire over the attack and murder.

“We have no conclusive evidence that any Klingon, in fact, perpetrated the attack,” Sarek objected. “It is illogical to attempt to affix blame when the facts are inconsistent with the accusation.”

As the Andorian delegation was characteristically less concerned about the intrigue at the conference than many of the others, Ambassador Shras took this opportunity to needle his Vulcan counterpart. He grinned slyly at Sarek. “You are rather quick to absolve the Empire, my colleague. Have you gone soft on our Klingon neighbors?”

“I must point out that representatives of the Empire have attempted to kill me,” Sarek responded dryly to his would-be tormentor.

Unfortunately, not all of the other delegates present picked up on the Andorian’s sarcasm. Gurn, the junior Tellarite Ambassador, seized on the apparent issue. “Explain your sympathies, Vulcan! What side deals are you negotiating to the detriment of the rest of us?” he demanded.

“I am doing nothing of the sort,” Sarek replied, attempting to ignore the both the Tellarite’s belligerence and his inaccurate grasp of the situation.

“Then what of the Vulcan appearance of the attackers?” Gurn pressed. “Surely that suggests some alignment! In fact,” – and now the young representative from Tellar puffed out his chest importantly – “I demand that Vulcan reveal its knowledge about a violent, criminal faction with possible Klingon sympathies amongst its citizens!”

_How is it possible for a sentient being to draw such a completely illogical conclusion from the facts at hand?_ Sarek wondered. While inwardly seeking to control the sudden and rapid erosion of his temper, he calmly turned to address the Tellarite. “Although it is apparent that rushing to judgment is a prevalent methodology within the Tellarite diplomatic corps, it would nonetheless behoove you, Subsidiary Ambassador Gurn, to begin with an interpretation of the facts that is somewhat less than fundamentally flawed. If that is, in fact, possible.”

At that, Ambassador Shras hissed loudly through his teeth in appreciation of Sarek’s acerbic retort, his derisive reaction causing the entire Tellarite delegation to leap to their feet, shouting objections. In the ensuing bedlam, the Rigellian _pro tem_ parliamentarian wearily called for adjournment.

Amanda, who at Sarek’s request had attended the session, watched the debate’s devolution with some surprise. She had ample evidence that her husband did not suffer fools gladly; however, even if accurate, this insulting remark, like yesterday’s obvious irritation, was more pointed than usual, and excessive even by Tellarite standards. Her intuition nagged her. Perhaps his apparent exasperation was only a result the current situation, but she would ask him…

ooo

A day later the _Surak_ was warping them home.  Sitting with Sarek in the ship’s common area, Amanda asked him his assessment of the conference.

“It was rather an unproductive use of time,” he answered, “in addition to the unfortunate nature of the dangerous events that accompanied it.”

Amanda glanced at him sympathetically in response to his matter-of-fact assessment. “I take it no progress was made on cooperative security, then.”

“None.”

“Could that have been exactly what those behind the attack were trying to achieve?”

Sarek steepled his fingers before him. “Perhaps. The attack and murder could have been intended for precisely that reason, to benefit Klingon or other interests outside the Federation, or to further some other, as-yet unknown agenda. Or it could have been a random act of terror, although I cannot discern the motivation behind it if it were.”

“Do you think the Klingons may have been responsible?” Amanda asked.

Sarek jerked his chin negatively. “While I cannot rule out the possibility completely,” he replied, “the methods employed do not reflect typical Klingon tactics, and the results obtained do not, in fact, seem to benefit the Empire.  If anything, the Federation members in attendance are now even more suspicious of Klingon intentions than before.” He turned thoughtful.

“Maybe that’s what someone wanted. To start a conflict.”

His upswept brows furrowed further. “That is also a possibility.”

“And what about the Vulcan appearance of those two I encountered?” Amanda continued. “Or that phrase one of them used, _‘nufaya na T’Pel’?_ What do you think was the reason for that?”

“Perhaps to sow dissention among the conference delegates, or discredit Vulcan leadership.” Sarek turned to focus on her. “Or perhaps to serve an entirely different agenda.”

“Like what, Sarek?”

“I do not know,” he replied, his frustration masked except for the intensity of his stare back at her. “But I am gratified that you are here, where you are safe.”

Amanda studied him for a moment. “Are you still worried, Sarek?”

Her husband straightened. “I do not worry, _Aduna_ ,” he replied firmly. “However, it is my duty to keep you safe.”

She smiled reassuringly. “I know, _Adun_. I’m safe.”

He sighed, quietly, but still audibly. “For this moment, at least, that is true.”

Surprised, Amanda looked at him curiously again. He had turned his eyes back to his PADD, brows still tightly knit. He hadn’t been attempting the dry humor they often shared; his demeanor made that clear. _I suppose he has a lot on his mind,_ she thought, but she still noted the odd lapse.

“Well, I’m glad to know that there haven’t been any assassins’ guilds on Vulcan since the Reforms,” she said, hoping to divert his attention away from the delicate subject of her security. “Were the Adepts of T’Pel very well-known then, Sarek?”

He obliged her. “Prior to the Awakening, the Adepts operated as mercenaries, assassins for hire. However, they were of necessity quite secretive, and much of what was written about them is considered to be more rumor and fiction than fact.”

“Hmm, that’s an odd reference for someone to make, then,” she commented. “And that phrase isn’t likely to be confused with one more commonly used…” She trailed off, a memory suddenly capturing her attention.

“Sarek,” Amanda said slowly, “ _nufaya_ is what Sered’s aide said to me that day in your office when they met with you.”

Sarek’s eyes met hers. “Are you certain?”

 “I’m fairly sure I heard Suhl say the same thing, _‘nufaya na T’Pel_ ,” Amanda added, “now that I think about it. I didn’t really pay attention at the time; I had no idea what it meant. I know he used the word _nufaya,_ though _._ That’s a pretty odd coincidence, don’t you think?”

“It is quite curious, if accurate.”

“It sure is!” Amanda exclaimed, thinking furiously about what the possible connection could be between Sarek’s antagonistic council rival and the dangerous pair she encountered on Syldra.

Sarek raised a brow, anticipating her thinking. “My wife, I must point out that we have established nothing as of yet. You are not certain of what you heard, nor do we fully understand its context.”

“It would be very interesting to hear what Sered has to say about it,” she continued, unfazed and thinking darkly about the trouble the rival Vulcan had caused her husband. “It’s about time _he_ had to answer for a thing or two!”

Suddenly irked and not knowing why, Sarek carefully took a meditative breath. _I am in control_. “My wife,” he began again, asperity in his tone, “it would also be interesting to anticipate such a conversation with Sered. How would one begin? ‘I wish you to explain something your aide may or may not have said?’”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake, Sarek,” Amanda replied, exasperated. “I’m only trying to help. There is something about Sered and his staff that makes me suspicious. It’s a hunch. You know, Human intuition,” she added in explanation.

“That may be the case,” her husband responded, “but I must act with logic. To do otherwise would only be counterproductive. I cannot act upon a mere ‘hunch,’ as you call it. I must have concrete and logical analysis to justify any inquiry or accusation. Unfortunately, I cannot be as free in my speculations as the Terran press.”

“Sarek!” Amanda exclaimed, stung. “That was uncalled for. I wasn’t suggesting anything of the sort.”

Seeing her hurt look caused him to re-phrase, his tone gentler. “Regrettably, _K’diwa_ , it is not a crime on Vulcan to make reference to violent, Pre-Reform phraseology. Although it is considered in rather poor taste to do so.” Then he added, “I shall have Soran investigate further.”

She gave a small smile at his olive branch, and offered him the _oz’hesta_. “I don’t want to argue, my husband. I can imagine the last couple of days have been unpleasant for you.”

Sarek blinked, as if he would not ascribe such an emotional descriptor to his reaction to the conference’s events. “Indeed, conflict with you would be most illogical, my wife.” He met her paired fingers.

Eyes and fingertips held for a long moment.

_//Adun.//_

_//Aduna.//_

Amanda settled as close to him as protocol would allow and spent the time reviewing linguistics journals. She was not convinced that all was well, however; she could sense tension in him that he would not voice. _Well, if he can’t act on intuition, I still can_. She resolved to investigate more on her own.

Sarek kept one watchful eye on his bondmate while he worked and the ship carried them homeward. _She is mine_. Nevertheless, despite the protective environment aboard the _Surak_ , the ambassador’s thoughts took an ominous, troubled turn following their conversation. Even as he had lectured his wife on the illogic of speculation, he could not dismiss the thought that Sered and his aides could well pose more of a threat than he had previously considered. He resolved to watch them much more closely, to have them thoroughly investigated -- and to ensure they were kept away from Amanda. _This new information warrants_ _additional safety measures for her. It is logical._

Following the tumult of the failed conference, Sarek had expected to be gratified by their return to Vulcan, where fewer security concerns would demand his attention. It was one of the reasons he brought her to his planet. Unfortunately, he realized, this was no longer the case. He had meditated at length during their return journey so far, but doing so only highlighted concerns that he could not eradicate. It had not completely restored his equilibrium, at least in part because the threat posed to his bondmate on Syldra quite possibly still remained. This current uncertainty, in combination with the previous incidents threatening her safety, created unavoidable, troubling questions that he found himself unable to put to rest.

A combination of logic and passion had led him to choose her as his bondmate – but had his passion, in fact, eclipsed his logic where she was concerned?  He had brought her from Earth to Vulcan in part to remove her from the chaotic dangers on her home planet and elsewhere. 

But had his logic been in error? His home world’s conditions were harsh for her, its climate and gravity harder for her to bear than Earth’s had been for him, and she was unaccustomed to its hazards. Research indicated her body would adapt successfully over a period of years, but she would have to survive for that long first.

His trusted sehlat had nearly attacked her, and the consequences could well have been fatal. He had been present to protect her from the sandstorm, but she would not have survived it without him. Even everyday household fixtures had the potential to be dangerous due to their greater average mass and unfamiliar mechanisms.

She, and their marriage bond, faced a level of social and political criticism almost unheard-of on Vulcan since the Reforms. She had been at risk from violent or criminal intent more than once when she traveled off-world with him; and she nearly perished due to inattentive treatment when she was left on-planet without him – in a place where logically, she should have been safe. And now there was an unresolved, unknown threat to her that could very well follow them home. Or which may even have preceded them there.

Vulcan’s Ambassador to the Federation grimly reflected that, were his track record in negotiation similar to the results he had achieved so far in keeping his bondmate secure, his government would be well justified in replacing him.

An alarming thought occurred to him: Was Amanda therefore justified in replacing him? _Have I thus failed as her bondmate? Shall I expect the challenge?_ The extreme concern was illogical, but it nevertheless chilled him to his core. He focused his disciplines to drive the disturbing thought away.

Sarek struggled to master the emotions that accompanied these less than satisfactory thoughts, and chastised himself for failing to eradicate the tension what would not go away. _Perhaps the cause was sufficient_ , he thought, considering recent events once again. _No. Those of the clan of Surak control. Through everything._ He redoubled his efforts to re-achieve his equanimity.

_She is mine. I am in control._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘nufaya na T’Pel’ – ‘gift for T’Pel’ (assassin’s target)


	40. Tension

Upon their return to Vulcan, Sarek’s degree of serenity stubbornly remained unimproved, and the acrid, volcanic vistas of his ancestral lands drew him to seek greater composure in their embrace. Informing Amanda that it was time for one of his periodic contemplative sojourns, he set off for the mountains.

Sarek’s chosen retreat was a favored boyhood haunt, high in the L’langons, a craggy vista with views of the tallest and harshest of the towering peaks. There, with the assistance of meditation aids and techniques he had not had the opportunity to employ while off-world, Sarek was able, finally, to re-achieve the degree of calm he sought.

Now capable of a truly dispassionate assessment of the challenges and dangers she had faced, he concluded that he actually _had_ successfully managed to keep his wife out of harm’s way despite a surprising number and variety of threats to her safety, including several which could not have logically been anticipated. _She is mine. I must continue to keep her safe_. 

He returned to D’H’Riset, equanimity for the most part restored. While he gave himself high marks for responding quickly and effectively to the many unexpected threats that had confronted Amanda, it was clear that a more proactively protective approach was needed.  He would require greater vigilance, greater anticipation of possible danger, from both himself and his staff, until such time as it was obvious that it was no longer needed. All would need to function at nothing less than peak performance to adequately protect his wife.

ooo

Unfortunately, as the days wore on, he found that achieving the necessary and desired mental balance required more effort than it had before. He meditated for longer periods, and when that failed to achieve satisfactory results, he turned to increasingly lengthy periods of physical exercise to restore his calm.

Reflection – some would say rumination – during one such period found his thoughts drifting in a new, and more disturbing, direction. Out running along a favorite route in the desert just before sunset, he was seeking to quell the agitation caused by an unexpected exchange with Amanda.

He had returned home following a less than adequate day in his office, brought about by the unanticipated collapse of a trade negotiation with Andoria; the arrival of a new senior diplomat from Betazed who consumed much of Sarek’s morning with complaints about the consulate in which she and her delegation were housed; and his failure once again to achieve a satisfactory state of equilibrium during the traditional meditation period. Irked by this unproductive state of affairs, he failed to note how uncharacteristic it was for him to be so vexed about such relatively minor and statistically inevitable difficulties.

Amanda greeted him at the door to their study when he arrived.

_“Adun!_ _”_ she exclaimed, smiling brightly. “It’s nice to see you home early.” She offered him the _oz_ _’hesta_.

_“Aduna,_ _”_ he answered, returning her finger embrace. “Was your day a satisfactory one?”

Amanda obliged his curiosity. Her day’s work had concluded acceptably, although she apparently had to complete some revisions to a paper that evening.

He continued to make the inquiries that Human custom dictated he ask even though they were not strictly logical by Vulcan standards, for he knew that Amanda both expected and enjoyed this exchange.

He completely forgot to listen to her answers, however. His mind wandered as he watched her, recalling the matters that had unsettled him and experiencing a sudden, aching desire for the calming coolness of her mind. _I need her_ _…_

Abruptly he drew himself up, extending his two fingers again. “My wife, attend,” he commanded.

Amanda’s eyes widened. He had just interrupted her in mid-sentence. “Sarek,” she asked, perplexed and a bit piqued, “Did you even hear me? I just told you my journal editor wants my monograph revisions by tomorrow morning. I’m going to have to work late tonight.”

Her eyes softened, gazing wistfully at him. “In fact, _Adun_ , I should probably work through end-meal. Even though I would much rather spend the time with you instead.”

Sarek blinked several times while he processed this information, before reaching an unwelcome conclusion. _Refusal. She is_ refusing _me_. Even as his mind raced to compensate – _She is Human and does not understand; she only speaks of something temporary; this is no challenge_ – he could not fully contain his immediate reaction.

His expression darkened, and his eyes narrowed. He raised his outstretched fingers further, demandingly, presuming her compliance. _“Aduna,_ _”_ he repeated, one eyebrow raised expectantly.

Now Amanda looked at her husband with concern. This was not the reaction she expected. She reached to complete the _oz_ _’hesta_ , hoping to learn something from their shared touch.

“Sarek, what’s the matter?”

“Your question is imprecise and therefore unanswerable,” he dismissed. “You are my wife. I require your attendance at this time.”

_Of all the evenings he decides to be super Vulcan,_ Amanda thought, simultaneously annoyed that she had committed to the journal revisions and confused and exasperated by his obtuse and arrogant manner. “Sarek, I really can’t right now. I’ve got to get at least some of this done. In a little while, all right?” She bit her lip and looked up at him, hopeful for a compromise.

But to her further surprise, Sarek’s response was brusque, suddenly withdrawing his fingers and stepping back. “This is most irregular,” he declared, staring down at her with startlingly evident displeasure.

_What?_ She couldn’t help blurting, “Sarek, are you all right?” _Perhaps he_ has _been under more pressure recently than I realized._

“You insist upon attempting to communicate in a most ambiguous manner. It is inefficient. There is nothing amiss. You will excuse me.” With this terse reply, he turned on his heel and stalked in the direction of his meditation chamber.

Amanda watched him go, consternation etched across her brow.

ooo

Later, having retreated as far as the Forge to regain some calm, Sarek contemplated recent events from a favorite, rocky outlook as _A_ _’lamak_ began to settle below the horizon. While he still regarded his bondmate’s words and actions of this afternoon as utterly illogical, he was more concerned about the increasing effort he required to maintain control in the face of her predictably Human behavior. He was forced to recognize evidence in his own behavior that his discipline had deteriorated. _Why am I so_ _… unsettled? I need her_ _…_

Seemingly out of nowhere, a flash of dreaded insight penetrated his irritated thoughts. _Is this the onset of the Fever? Could it be? No!_  

An unwelcome, visceral stab of fear and dread jolted his body before he roughly suppressed it. _It is not yet Time. I have eight point seven_ _… eight point six four_ _… at least several Vulcan months, of this I am certain_ _…_

In reality he could not be certain how long he had. The seven-year cycle could be unpredictable, and its variability was often exacerbated by frequent interstellar travel, a vulnerability that caused most Vulcans to travel frequently off-planet only in bonded pairs. Sarek had been a notable exception, perhaps due more to his stubborn will than to the unusual circumstance of his divorce, for he had refused to compromise in his search for a bondmate even with the risk of the fever’s early return.

_Could it be arriving now?_

He forced himself to think back to his first Time with T’Rea, to his mental state at its onset. As he sifted through the uncomfortable memories, he concluded, no, his current state of mind was different than it had been then. Then, he had felt the rising, unstoppable sexual need, but he was not experiencing that at the moment – at least not yet. 

Instead, now Sarek had to acknowledge a certain… disquiet in his mindset that he did not recall from before. It was clearly a lapse in discipline and perhaps some other failing, for he felt a degree of… unease, even dread, when he contemplated the near future. These illogical thoughts intensified when they included Amanda, and he had to admit to focusing quite a bit more lately on how to keep his bondmate safe.

Of course, near preoccupation with this topic had proven itself to be necessary where Amanda and their unique situation were concerned. Perhaps he was not behaving illogically after all. He would simply resolve to better control his emotions in this area.

But even though his first Time had not involved this particular, emotional element beforehand, the fever had overwhelmed him nonetheless. He had concluded afterward that this had been due in part to not really knowing what to expect, and vowed that in the future, he would be better prepared to handle the profound loss of control the Time engendered.

Still, being aware of what was coming was not, he was forced to admit, an effective defense against the inevitable madness that would overtake him. He had even learned of speculation that the fever intensified as the male matured to his sexual prime, a most unwelcome possibility. Involuntarily, he shuddered.

He had lost his control with T’Rea, as best as he could recall from his fevered memories, but a Vulcan woman expected this, and was evolutionarily prepared to manage it so the species could survive. His behavior during the Time, as repulsive as it had been, had been normal for a Vulcan male. They had both come through unscathed, and it was only afterward and for other reasons that T’Rea had asked for the dissolution that separated their lives.

Sarek’s thoughts paused for a moment. Perhaps he had allowed his logic to be lulled into a false sense of security as a result. With a Human female, the dynamics of the Time would be undeniably different.

Sarek drew up, brow deeply furrowed, staring intently into the setting, crimson sun. He was very concerned. He had been so confident before, arrogant, even, to think that he could retain enough control in _pon farr_ not to harm his Terran wife. Now he was not so sure; the evidence of his control slipping in other circumstances was a foreboding foreshadow of what might occur. And should his control fail, the differences in mass and relative strength between their bodies could easily prove fatal to her.

While it was true that he had succeeded thus far in protecting his _aduna_ from a dismally long list of external threats, it also could be the case that the biggest threat Amanda faced was one he could not protect her from: himself, when he was not in his right mind.

A cold chill stole over him as he realized that in this, he could not rely on his greatest asset, his own strength of will. If the fever ran its course normally – which it had before – he would simply be overcome and would be driven inexorably to seek her out. The only way she could escape would be if he died in the process.

He even considered that alternative, one unthinkable to a logical Vulcan who revered life. He could halt the otherwise unstoppable progression of events in _pon_ _farr_ if he ended his own life before he lost his rationality to the madness.

But he realized with frustration that such an option was not viable: among Vulcans it was not infrequent that one bondmate failed to survive the death of the other. His death could very well kill her through the trauma to their bond. And in any case, he already knew from their mind touches how his death -- especially if self-inflicted -- would devastate her because of her Human love for him.

Continuing to ruminate at length on his dilemma, he finally arrived at a logical conclusion. Having foolishly gone ahead and bonded with her, there was only one way he could protect her from the danger he posed. The only rational thing he could do when his Time inevitably arrived was to ensure that his wife had her right to challenge. _So she has the chance to be free of me if she so chooses._ It was a possibility feared and dreaded by every Vulcan male, but it was also a necessary prerogative in his culture. No doubt, none of the ancients from whom the laws were passed down contemplated their application in this circumstance.

_It is the only honorable thing to do._

Grim and resolved, he turned back toward the fortress.

A short while into his long run back home, Sarek once again heard the scream of a le-matya _,_ this time not far away. Not an attack cry, it was instead a territorial assertion made before the predator began to prowl – and a warning of the inherent dangers of this place. The heir to Surak dismissed them both. He had greater threats to deal with.

ooo

That night, when they were together again, Sarek tenderly, gently, made love to his wife, in as quintessentially a Human style as he had come to understand. At their conclusion she had no marks on her, for his teeth had never touched her skin, and his even more than usually leashed strength had left not a single, accidental bruise. He allowed his instincts no quarter; he made no sound nor indulged in any loss of control. Instead he made love to her slowly and carefully, whispering softly into her ear as he did so. 

Only when they finished, and Amanda had curled into him, waves of her warm emotions washing across him as she slept, did he allow himself to relax next to her. He had succeeded in curbing his Vulcan impulses in this intimate interaction, and the disturbing, recent instability of his discipline had not been present.

_I can do this.  I_ will _do this, when it is needed._ _She is mine._


	41. Unknowns

Amanda was relieved that Sarek finally appeared to have returned to his normal self after their arrival home from the ill-fated Syldran conference. She had been very concerned by his volatile mood, and even wondered if his lapses into visible emotionalism could be an early sign of _pon farr._ She realized that she didn’t know.

While T’Alen’s briefing so many months ago had been very thorough regarding what to expect during the Fever, Amanda realized now that the healer had not covered much, if any, of the symptoms or signs leading up to it. Unfortunately, as she considered the possibilities, it was not a question she could realistically ask or even look up. Such information was not published, it was not spoken of, and any Vulcan she knew also knew who her husband was; to raise the subject would be an unimaginable breach of Sarek’s privacy. She wondered why the healer would have omitted the topic.

 _It must just be obvious_ , Amanda concluded. Thusly thinking it through, she tabled her worry that Sarek’s testy mood during and after the conference was an indication that his Time was approaching.

 _He_ _’s supposed to, well, want a lot more sex, isn_ _’t he? If anything, he_ _’s been rather less amorous than usual, so the Fever isn_ _’t a logical explanation._ _Besides, wouldn_ _’t he know, and tell me?_ She had some understanding of why the subject was considered unspeakable in Vulcan society. _But surely, not between bondmates--? No, letting me know would be the logical thing to do. And he would tell me if I asked._

With his calm restored, she chalked his earlier demeanor up to the danger and uncertainty at the conference and the unstable council situation. _The trips to the Forge must have helped. He may not desire vacations like a Human, but even a Vulcan requires a break for renewal every so often_.

She was glad he had apparently obtained some, especially since afterward he immersed himself into his work even more than before the conference. She laid the matter to rest in her mind for the time being, and in turn poured herself back into her own work to catch up on her classes and writing.  She also had some research to do.

ooo

One of the subjects Amanda was especially interested in returning to work on was the translation of the Sundered artifacts. She was eager to discover if there were any words or phrases in the ancient material that could be linked to what she and T’Lina had heard spoken by the Vulcan pair on Syldra, especially anything referring to the ancient assassins’ guild.

Although she was not yet certain what such a connection would mean; if it were found, she was convinced it would be important. _Unless it’s all some sort of ruse perpetrated by the Klingons – or someone else._

A small team of her advanced students and some of T’Grel’s had taken up examining the ancient documents in detail under T’Grel’s supervision. Her colleague raised an almost-amused brow when Amanda peppered her with questions about their progress.

“You are most curious, _Kazhuksu --_ for a Human,” T’Grel deadpanned, and it took Amanda a moment to realize -- the Vulcan was teasing her. 

Amanda gave a small but acceptable smile in response. “‘May we rejoice in our differences’– and our similarities in the midst of those differences,” she murmured, pleased.

Meanwhile, it did not take her long to find the link she suspected. Listening intently to the one of the audio artifacts, she heard a word she recognized.

“T’Pin,” she asked her student, “this word – how would you translate it?”

The young woman listened. “ _Torai-tikh_ ,” she responded, “or more literally, _kil_.”

“Catalyst or spark,” Amanda repeated, musing. She had heard the word in the exchange between the mysterious pair right before she and T’Lina had slipped away from the alleyway behind the Syldran bookstore.

“The Sundered word is in the appositive form,” T’Pin continued. “It describes someone or something that requires a feminine pronoun. ‘She is the spark,’ or ‘she is the catalyst.’”

Amanda was silent for a moment, recalling the same word, spoken light years away and millennia later than the recording they were analyzing. _Were those two strange Vulcans referring to… me? Or just some word in the feminine gender? A catalyst for what?_

She returned to the present. “You have learned a great deal since you started on this project, T’Pin,” she said to her student. “Your work is commendable.”

“I am honored, _Osavensu_.”

ooo

Immersed in his duties, Sarek was gratified to find that his equilibrium remained steady following his meditative visits to the Forge. _Perhaps that is all I required_. With a follow-up to the failed cooperative defense conference on Syldra still needed, as well as further investigation as to the perpetrators of the murder, plus several other matters of diplomatic import, he did not want the added inefficiency that anything other than complete equanimity would bring. He put the concern out of his mind as irrelevant, and redoubled his focus on his work.

ooo

He did consider it logical to continue his training with the S’chn T’Gai _ranavensu t_ _’morov_ , however. At Sarek’s next session with Siltor, the combat trainer proposed another simulated battle to practice a complicated series of defensive moves.

As he warmed up before practicing with the lethal equipment, Sarek found himself distilling away more unrest than usual when he centered himself. Something about the feel and sound of the ritual weapons, and the aged, slightly musty smell of the fortress’ underground foundations hidden below its modern upgrades all proved distracting, and aroused aggressive instincts.

_This place_ _… my family_ _’s ancestral home_ _… my home, my family to defend. My mate_ _… Where is she?_

Siltor was giving instructions for the practice match.

_I must focus on the task at hand._

Instead, his thoughts wandered to Amanda. She was away from the fortress, at the VSA. Although she was due to return shortly, his impatience flared. _She should be here now._ His pulse quickened.

Siltor gave the signal to begin, and the two Vulcans began to circle one another. Stylized maneuvers soon gave way to more deliberate feints and lunges as the pace of their movements accelerated.

And even though Sarek’s rational mind objected to the tenor of his distracted thoughts, his brain – in that instant overcome by an unpredictable surge of primal hormones – continued down its illogical path.

 _What if someone should attempt to delay my bondmate_ _’s return? Attempt to harass her? Attempt to_ take _her from me? She is mine!_ Anger flared.

Siltor’s experience as a combat trainer spanned decades, and he was well versed in the many circumstances that could affect his pupils. In particular, he knew to be alert to the signs of danger in a fellow male. While all Vulcans knew what to look for, in his profession, acute vigilance was especially necessary.

It was obvious to him now that Sarek was not fully present in the session, even as his movements remained swift and accurate. The _kevet-dutar_ could simply be focusing on another matter – or his altered manner could indicate a more perilous condition. “ _La_ _’thakau,_ _S_ _’haile_ ,” the trainer cautioned.

Sarek then did focus his attention – on the opposing male who was resisting Sarek’s attempts to disarm him. Glaring, he lunged sharply to the left, thrusting the cudgel end of the lirpa hard at his opponent.

Siltor dodged the bruising blow, simultaneously concluding that it would be most unwise to allow his pupil to continue. But he was unable even to utter the ancient command before the heir of Surak attacked again.

_“Kr_ _—”_

Muscle memory and instinct joined in lethal partnership in Sarek’s brain. _This rival must be removed!_ Unexpectedly, Sarek spun the lirpa in the air and slashed it down viciously at his opponent. Siltor jumped back, but the ambassador’s blade still caught him, cleanly slicing a long gash in the trainer’s upper arm. Both combatants froze, their breathing the only movement in the training hall.

A moment of silence passed before the trainer risked speaking.

“Perhaps you have surpassed my skills, _S_ _’haile_ ,” he said, carefully, calmly, watching Sarek closely for any indication of another strike.

Sarek did not appear to notice Siltor’s exaggerated defensive posture, nor the placation in the trainer’s tone. He blinked several times, staring at the bright green trail dripping down Siltor’s bicep as if wondering how it got there. Absently, he put his weapon down.

“You are injured, _Osavensu_ ,” he observed, as though he had somehow not been present when the laceration was inflicted. “I will bring medical supplies.”

The trainer noted his confusion, confirming his suspicion. Wrapping a piece of his sliced tunic around his arm, he put up a hand to detain Sarek.

“It is of no consequence, _S_ _’haile_ ,” he said. “I regret I must depart at this time. I shall return upon your request, when it is… appropriate,” he concluded, just as he had made the euphemistic statement many times before with other pupils who were similarly, unknowingly afflicted.

“Very well, Siltor,” Sarek replied, still distracted and unable to shake the sense that he had missed something important.

ooo

Amanda arrived at home just as Siltor was leaving.  The trainer’s robe concealed his arm so she noticed nothing amiss.

“ _T_ _’Sai_ ,” Siltor addressed her. “Your bondmate awaits. I shall return following the appropriate interval,” he informed her, his tone grave with significance. “Live long and prosper.”

 _What_ _‘appropriate interval_ _’?_ she wondered. Unaware of the hidden meaning in Siltor’s words and disliking the notion of Sarek training with deadly weapons anyway, she could only think that news of the sessions’ cessation for however long was a good thing.

 _It’s just as well_ , she thought, relieved. Amanda inclined her head in acknowledgment, raising her hand in the _ta_ _’al_. “Peace and long life, Siltor.”

Satisfied by her response that his message had been delivered properly, the trainer departed. Such carefully worded exchanges were like a special language-within-a-language, for everyone knew the signs, and knew they were not to be spoken of directly. Hence, while he wondered how the Human female would fare in what was to come, he knew that to inquire would be most improper. _Kai_ _’idth._

ooo

Amanda found her husband, not surprisingly, coming up from the fortress’ gym area, his skin still flushed from the practice match.

“Sarek,” she said, greeting him warmly.

“ _Aduna_ ,” he responded calmly, carefully masking both the elation and the relief he felt at seeing her. _She belongs at my side._ So absorbed was he in his thoughts that it took him a moment to process what she was saying to him.

“…and I’m so glad Siltor thinks you don’t need any more of those dreadful lessons,” she finished.

Sarek’s expression darkened. “My wife, Siltor is mistaken,” he said, his tone even but stern. “No one but I shall decide my requirements in this area.”

Amanda bit her lip. “Well, I just don’t see why you need lessons with those awful battle axes at all, Sarek,” she objected. “Those things are deadly! Is it really so necessary?”

Sarek inhaled deeply, looking down at his Human wife. “They are lirpas, _Aduna_ , and yes, it is necessary.”

“But why? Can’t you practice other martial arts that are less dangerous?”

“These are traditional.”

Amanda made an exasperated noise at this and turned away, prompting Sarek to reach for her. _I do not wish her to leave. She is mine._ He turned her face back to his, but she gave him a scowl.

“Amanda,” he said slowly, realizing he must explain something, “traditional weaponry has an… historical role in Vulcan… marriage ceremonies. For a male to fail to master the skills in their usage would demonstrate tremendous disrespect to his bondmate.”

Amanda shook her head. “I don’t understand.”

Reluctantly, Sarek elaborated. “By ancient law, a male must be able to defend his claim to his mate should that claim be… challenged.”

“Oh,” she replied, processing this information. “Oh!” she repeated suddenly, recalling what Sarek had told her when they were first bonded. “I remember, you told me that in past times males would sometimes kill to win their mates.” Her eyes widened. “And that it happens ‘rarely’ today, you said. Sarek, you don’t think you’d ever have to use those weapons for real, do you?”

Her husband stood stiffly, resolute. _She must know_. “If you wished to divorce me, I would.”

“What?!” Amanda exclaimed, horrified. “ _Adun_ , I will never divorce you!”

“ _Aduna_ , you must understand, it is traditionally the female’s right --”

 “Sarek, enough!” Amanda interrupted him, waving her hands in front of her as if to ward off his words. “I don’t want to hear any more. And I certainly wouldn’t ever ask you to fight with such things! Furthermore, I’m not going to divorce you, so none of this applies to us, anyway.” She lifted her chin defiantly at him.

Sarek had been determined to explain to Amanda her rights and options in the Time, but now his resolve crumbled. _I need her. She is mine, my mate._ He needed her soothing calmness in the face of… of… His thoughts fragmented. He thought to warn her away from him, away from what was to come, but found he could not even speak of it to her.

Mistaking his silence for agreement, she gently patted his arm. “It’s nothing to worry about, Husband,” she reassured him.

Another unexpected flare of irritation overcame him. _I am in control!_ “I see no reason to be insulting,” he snapped.

Amanda’s eyes widened at his sudden umbrage. “Sarek, what’s wrong? What _happened_ when Siltor was here?”

Appalled by his failure of discipline, Sarek reminded himself, _I_ must _control. I can and I_ will. 

Taking a deep breath, he looked down at his small Human wife as authoritatively as he could, hoping to project a calm he did not feel. “Nothing is out of the ordinary, my wife. Do not be concerned.”

ooo

Painfully aware of her worried eyes on him as he strode away, Sarek escaped to his mediation chamber.

For her part, Amanda forced herself to confront the fact that her husband had not fully recovered from the disturbing events on Syldra – or if not that, then something else was wrong. This wasn’t a simple disagreement between them, either. As much as she wanted to probe further, intuition told her that to disturb him from this apparently needed meditation would not be a good idea.

 _I’ll just have to wait him out,_ she thought, determined.

Hours later in the dark of early morning, Sarek re-emerged, a fragile control won over an increasingly tempestuous psyche. He took a deep breath in the deserted fortress hallway. _I must explain to her._

He was on his way to their bedchamber when he noticed a blinking light on his comm.

Somewhat later, he found Amanda asleep at her desk. It was obvious she had tried to wait up for him and failed. _Regret is illogical,_ he told himself, even as he experienced a powerful stab of the same.

She stirred when he scooped her up.

“ _Mmn_ – Sarek?”

_//You must rest, my wife.//_

_//I need to talk to you…//_

But the opportunity had already been summoned away.

//Aduna, _I must depart shortly to attend to a time-sensitive matter. Do not be concerned. I will contact you within the next Standard day.//_

_//Oh, Sarek…//_

Her disappointment and concern mushroomed in his mind. His discipline was admittedly weakest when she was distressed, leaving him with few tools for addressing the situation.

 _//_ K’diwa. _Allow me to attend to your needs before I must leave.//_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Osavensu – Honored Teacher
> 
> “La’thakau” – “Focus here”


	42. More Provocation

Sarek's boots crunched against the snow as he made his way across the open, frozen expanse toward the meeting center, his desert-bred eyes protected by his inner eyelid from the Andorian sun's glare off the omnipresent ice.  His aides and several obviously unarmed guards made the frigid journey with him, brought here by the need to quell yet another dispute between Vulcan and Andoria, this time over alleged violations to a trade agreement.

Relations between the two worlds were volatile, and their lengthy joint history, stubbornly violent. Since both planets had become founding members of the Federation, the violence had faded; nevertheless, diplomatic disputes were surprisingly frequent for two supposed allies. Sarek personally believed it to be a failure of his people to live up to their own Surakian principles in this case. 

Andoria was typically quick to take offense and punitive in response -- illogical of course, but Sarek had witnessed enough situations to know that the tension was sometimes willingly fueled by stubbornly feigned ignorance on the part of Vulcan’s representatives. As a result, although tasked by T’Pau and members of the High Council with this assignment, Sarek also felt personally committed by virtue of his birthright to resolve this particular issue quickly and with a minimum of acrimony. Doing so would take some skill: the subtle jabs and not-so-subtle allegations had unnecessarily escalated to the point that Andoria had abruptly demanded an in-person apology from someone of Sarek’s rank. Vulcan had, until now, refused.

Hence Sarek entered the meeting hall resolved to end this particular example of pointless tension between his world and its interstellar neighbor. The hard-won, but still tentative rapport he had developed with Ambassador Shras would prove helpful, he was confident. With focused effort, they could be on their way back to Vulcan within two or three days.

Not only was his objective logical and consistent with the precepts of his people, he also felt a keen desire to return home promptly.  He would not describe the situation in such emotional terms as to say he “missed” his wife, but he did... experience her absence, this time with much greater intensity than the previous times duty had called him away. 

Although he would deny that it was due to the fact that he keenly sensed their impending separation, he had mated with her three times the morning he departed. And if his objective had been to dull the discomfort distance from his bondmate would inevitably bring, he did not succeed. It was not enough.

But of course that was not the case. He was simply endeavoring to meet his wife’s Human needs. It was only logical to do so for a bondmate. The ever-increasing agitation that accompanied him now both in and out of her presence had nothing to do with it.

Regardless of his personal preferences, it was unsafe for her to accompany him on this trip.  Even though actual violence had not been recorded between Vulcan and Andoria for almost a century (at least not officially), the history was there and it was disputes such as this that could flare unexpectedly into confrontations with casualties, however accidentally. He was well aware of the potential danger courted by him and his delegation; hence, he held no doubt that his wife belonged at home, protected.

To address his nagging concern that home was less secure than it should be, he had redoubled the security details and surveillance around her in his absence. Of course, he had not informed her of this, nor of the hazardous nature of this mission. There was nothing she could do to affect it, and he would not see her needlessly troubled. He had also carefully closed off his mind from their bond, asserting that he would need to focus his attention on his negotiations. Doing so was not unreasonable in the performance of his duties. And he would not have her tormented by the nagging tension that he could not eradicate.

He would be home soon enough.

ooo

Three days later, Sarek finished his report on the conclusion of the negotiations as the _Surak_ cruised homeward.  His delegation had been able to quickly identify the issues and actions underlying the points of acrimony between the two sides. They had received assurances that the troublesome actions on the Andorian side would cease forthwith; he in turn had committed to ending the problematic practices on Vulcan that had perpetuated the dispute. The negotiations had been by and large efficient and productive, yet Sarek still found his patience frayed and temper poor by the end.

He had just settled in to meditate in his quarters, positioning himself for a much-needed re-centering, when without warning the ship lunged. The floor jerked out from beneath him. _An evasive maneuver,_ was all he had time to surmise before a violent salvo hit the _Surak_ a moment later and flung him against the bulkhead.

Instinctively curling his body into a protective position, he was not seriously injured by the impact.  He quickly cleared his head, and was moving bridgeward even before he heard Captain T'Nara’s announcement over the ship’s comm system.

 “Alert. We are under attack. Take defensive positions. Repeat, all personnel to defensive positions. Hostiles appear to be Orion pirates.”

The _Surak_ was under attack, apparently having been ambushed by ships hiding in a nearby system on the outskirts of a dense nebula, the Vulcan crew quickly ascertained. The pirates, no doubt emboldened by the Vulcan vessel's weaponless energy signature, had seen a wealthy target in the defenseless ship. Three smaller ships now surrounded their quarry, preventing the faster _Surak's_ escape. Additional volleys now shook the starship as their attackers targeted the ship's shield generators. 

The _modus_ _operandi_ of Orion pirates was well known. Having subdued or cornered their quarry, they would board the victim ship to plunder any valuable cargo and, more importantly, kidnap anyone salable as slaves.

Captain T’Nara's calm voice emanated from speakers throughout the _Surak_. "All personnel, prepare for boarding. Set phasers to heavy stun and prepare for close combat." 

Sarek arrived on the bridge, earning an immediate objection from the captain.  " _S'haile_ , you must secure yourself."  Pirates also occasionally took hostages for ransom.

"I will see to my safety, _Khart-lan_ ,” he replied. “However, at the moment we may have greater concerns. We are not traveling along any of the shipping lanes favored by Orion pirates and our flight plan was confidential. It is likely that information about our route was leaked. Our security may have been compromised in other ways as well."

T'Nara’s reply was cut off by the whine of an incoming transporter beam.  Suddenly they heard the shouts of alien voices from the common area.  Commander Sponel rose to shield the captain when a huge Orion slaver burst upon the bridge, knocking Sarek to the side with a vicious elbow to the face. The slaver's blaster cut Sponel down in the next second.

Time dilated. T'Nara moved to protect the injured Sponel as the Orion's lip curled, his intent clear and ugly. He took aim again while pulling a stunner off his belt. Vulcans were almost impossible to dominate sufficiently to make acceptable work slaves, but females could at least occasionally be subdued enough for other purposes. He meant to kill Sponel and steal T'Nara.

Even as he cleared his mind of the pain, Sarek was moving. Leaping onto his assailant's back, he grappled with the ungainly alien as he positioned himself to deliver the _to'tsu'k'hy_. The Orion wore thick body armor covered with sharp spikes on the arms and shoulders – several already covered with blood from Sarek’s face – which made achieving the correct hold all the more challenging.

Everything changed in the next instant, however, as a second heavily armed Orion appeared on the bridge, leveling its blaster at the ambassador’s threatened crew. 

A curtain of green instantly obscured Sarek’s reason and the long-suppressed warrior within rose up. Instead of delivering the harmless nerve pinch, Sarek yanked the first Orion's forearm back violently, forcing the blaster up and to the side at an impossible angle to aim at the new intruder. He heard the large bones crunch sickeningly and give way as the alien roared in pain. 

Closing his hand over the trigger, he squeezed down hard. The second Orion vanished in a blaze of scorching energy, leaving only burn marks on the deck and the acrid smell of death in the air. The blaster had been set to kill.

Before the surviving Orion could react, Sarek twisted and delivered the nerve pinch, and not gently, shoving his victim violently down and leaving the alien's shattered arm at a grotesque and bloody angle on the deck.

Still clenching the blaster, chest heaving, every nerve on edge, he whipped around to T'Nara. "Verify ship's status!” he barked.

Staring steadily at her leader with total calm – for he was armed with a blaster set to kill and _had_ just killed -- T’Nara evenly replied, “The bridge is secure, _Osu_.  I will verify the rest of the ship.”  Without removing her eyes from him, her fingers flew to the ship’s comm. A moment later, she confirmed. The crew had subdued the remaining invaders.  

Only then did Sarek slowly lower the weapon, finally absorbing his actions.  He had reacted with blind rage. _I have killed_. He stared at the floor, blinking, for a long moment before he stirred at the sound of his name.

“ _S_ _’_ _haile_ _…_ _Kevet-dutar_ _…_ _Osu_ Sarek…” His junior aide Stepan was speaking, staring at his superior with poorly concealed concern.  When Sarek met his eyes the younger Vulcan swallowed.  “I advise you to see the healer, _S_ _’_ _haile_.”

Sarek closed his eyes for a long moment. _Yes. I lost control. My actions were shameful._ Concealing his resignation, he re-opened his eyes to acknowledge Stepan, but now the aide was handing him something. Looking downward, he saw that it was a piece of antiseptic cloth.

Stepan gestured toward his face.  “Your wounds, _S_ _’_ _haile_ , are bleeding.”

Reaching up numbly with the cloth, Sarek only now remembered the pain of the lacerations and bruising, and realized they were the reason for his aide’s concern. _He probably cannot even conceive of what to say to me about my behavior_ , he thought grimly.

By this time the captured leader of the failed raid had been brought to the bridge. Three Vulcan security officers stood guard around the slaver. T’Nara observed the Orion silently for a moment before querying him. 

“Orion _feihan,_ did you and your colleagues perceive you were endangered by our vessel?”

The Orion’s lip curled into a sneer of denial.

“That is logical,” the captain replied, “as we do not seek to intimidate. However, it was therefore illogical to attack us.” She opened a ship-to-ship channel. “This ship will now depart. You will tell yours to move away.”

The Orion hesitated, resisting the idea of obeying the small alien female before him. 

T”Nara grasped his shoulder. “I would prefer not to injure you,” she warned.

Unfortunately, the Orion laughed.

Thus persuaded that further attempts at negotiation would result in an illogical waste of limited time, T’Nara tightened her grip on his shoulder instead. Her would-be captor paled. When his knees began to buckle, she released her hold slightly. “I ask forgiveness. I also suggest you direct your ships to stand down.”

This time, the Orion complied.

Rather than return the slaver to his ship, the _Khart-lan_ seized the available moment to order the _Surak_ to warp away toward safety. Her security personnel immediately rendered the invader unconscious and removed him from the bridge to await justice on Vulcan.

Simultaneously the _Surak_ _’_ _s_ healer, Sonak, had arrived and had stabilized Sponel, who was now also being carried below deck on an anti-grav stretcher.   Turning his attention to Sarek, Sonak bade him to sit as he swiftly examined him and set about sealing his cuts.

Though the healer was not touching his thoughts, Sarek shielded them and concentrated on shoring up his faulty control. He reacted to the healer only when he felt the light brush of Sonak’s mind a short while later.

“I have performed the immediate repairs to your injuries,” the healer informed him. “Your body will do the rest on its own.  I recommend rest at this time.”

Sarek nodded once. “I will meditate, then rest, Healer, provided there are no additional exigencies.”

Sonak’s perceptive eyes scrutinized him, no doubt aware of his unsettled state. Apparently concluding that Sarek was not a threat, the healer simply replied, “A wise course of action, _S_ _’_ _haile_ ,” before turning to sedate the injured Orion.

As he retreated to meditate in his cabin, Sarek felt numbness threaten to set in. He was shocked; he had killed. He had felt uncontrolled rage, had reacted almost without thinking – or worse, with all too much calculated violence. While action to defend his crew had been unavoidable, he doubted the degree of brutality he had employed could be justified. And regardless that he had not set the blaster to its lethal level, nevertheless, he had killed. He remained shaken. _I have failed to act within Surak_ _’_ _s precepts._

Yet each time he attempted to eradicate the violence in his thoughts, in his mind’s eye, in place of T’Nara and Sponel he saw Amanda threatened by the Orion, and he was again overcome with savage fury. Only with great effort and after many hours was he finally able to coax some measure of equilibrium to return.

_I am in control, still_.

It would not last for long.

ooo

The _Surak_ was still eight light-years out from Vulcan when the subspace call came in. As per protocol, T’Nara had sent an encrypted message back to Vulcan when the ship was attacked, and then a further report after they had escaped the Orion vessels.

It was the High Council that responded rather than Vulcan Space Central. Revealing no reaction of her own, T’Nara wordlessly handed the PADD containing the encoded message to its intended recipient.

Sarek absorbed the message’s contents, his hand slowly tightening around the device. As a result of his actions, debate on the High Council had renewed on the appropriate level of Vulcan involvement in Federation and other, non-Vulcan affairs. He was now being summoned back to Council to explain himself yet again -- _va'ashiv,_ as rather ominously noted in the council’s missive.

Some isolationist elements on the council (Sarek had a pretty good idea whom) maintained that the _Surak_ would not have been attacked if Vulcan were not so enmeshed in the Federation’s conflicts with the Orions and the Klingons. Now, not only had the _Surak_ been attacked and diplomatic staff injured, but Sarek himself had actually _killed_ an outworlder, an act not only barbaric in itself but one which also laid open the risk of ensnaring Vulcan interests in an escalating spiral of violence.

These same council members were arguing that Vulcan should reconsider the degree to which it participated in Federation concerns across the board – a sweeping indictment of policies promoted by Sarek, his father, and his father before him. And just how credibly could Sarek perform as ambassador, if he so easily resorted to violence?

It took a conscious effort to regain his calm before he shattered the PADD. Slowly releasing his tense fingers, some part of him was aware enough to realize that he would not reliably be able to maintain his equanimity for long without prolonged meditation.

Sarek was further concerned by the potential security breach that had led to the ambush on the _Surak_. The only ones with knowledge of the ship’s specific flight plan from Andoria were Vulcan, and the Orions’ ability to catch them so unaware suggested that more than luck had been involved. He needed to confer with Soran, and he needed to ensure that Amanda was safe.

Which did not explain why he was less than pleased to learn that Soran was already at the fortress when Sarek arrived back in Shi’Kahr. He expected Amanda to be there; today was a day she did not have duties at the VSA. It was just as well; he did not want her disturbed by the issues now being debated in the council, nor did he want her to be in the city where possible threats lurked. The thought of her in danger shook his control.

“Greetings, my wife,” he began when he commed her. He was unprepared for her response.

“Oh, Sarek!” Amanda exclaimed, her face lined with worry. “I’m so glad you’re back safely! What happened? Are you injured?”

For an instant Sarek remained silent, for he had not intended to reveal the details of the incident on the _Surak_ to his bondmate – at least not immediately.

Giving him that narrowed-eye look he had come to know, she expelled an exasperated sigh. “Sarek, I _know_ what happened. I felt something… And I couldn’t reach you, so I asked Soran.”

Amanda turned, widening the comm’s field of view to reveal Soran standing near. “He thought it necessary to deliver the information in person,” she explained. “For security, I assume? Sarek, what is going on?”

Sarek felt his jaw clench.

Soran, for his part, realized once again that he had been unwittingly caught between Sarek’s at-times excessively protective behavior toward his mate and Amanda’s refusal to accept such behavior. He could also read signs of displeasure in his _s_ _’_ _haile_ _’_ _s_ body language, and recognized how his decision to inform Amanda in person was possibly being interpreted. Looking from Sarek’s stormy visage to Amanda’s questioning one, he wondered.

He had little chance to speculate, for Sarek addressed them tersely, glaring at his aide. “Soran, you will attend me at once. _Aduna_ , I will attend you as soon as I have dispatched my duties here. You will remain at D’H’Riset until I have done so.” He cut the connection.

Amanda turned to Soran. “Well, what do you think that was about?” she asked, mystified.

Soran had an idea, but he dared not express it. To do so, even to his friend and superior’s bondmate, would be an unacceptable breach of Sarek’s privacy and the propriety of his people. If he was correct, this was a matter for the family alone. It was not his place to even acknowledge it.

ooo

On Sarek’s end of the severed connection, he inhaled deeply when the call ended, seeking calm again. It was not logical to suspect Soran of having designs on his wife. _And yet_ _…_ His fists clenched of their own accord.

ooo

Meanwhile, Amanda tapped her foot, annoyed. Soran was looking decidedly uncomfortable, in a way she had come to recognize among her husband’s staff when Sarek was displeased. _This is going from bad to worse_. She made a decision.

“Soran, I’m going to Shi’Kahr. Don’t give me that look!”

“ _T_ _’_ _Sai_ , I did not –”

“Yes, you did, but never mind. I don’t understand what is bothering Sarek, but I need to see for myself that he’s all right. Let’s go.”

“ _T_ _’_ _Sai_ , you require attendants.”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake, Soran. If we go together, I’m sure that’s enough security. Come on, we should hurry.”

It would not be appropriate to comment on it, of course, but Soran was amazed at how casually Amanda would disregard Sarek’s directives. Even having known the Human for as long as he had, Soran still found her lack of deference to her husband disconcerting. Sarek was, after all, S’chn T’Gai, and the heir to Surak. Although Soran was Sarek’s closest associate, he could not conceive of interacting with his childhood friend in any manner that was not completely respectful, duteous, and ultimately, deferential. Nonetheless, while it was clear that Sarek and Amanda respected one another, it was also evident that Sarek was well aware of and strangely tolerant toward his bondmate’s less than acquiescent attitude.

At that moment, Soran weighed a set of undesirable alternatives. He knew Sarek would be displeased by Amanda’s appearance in Shi’Kahr against his wishes. At the same time, he had the uneasy suspicion that Sarek would be further displeased, for altogether different reasons, if _T_ _’_ _Sai_ Amanda were to arrive in the company of another male, even that of his top aide. However, given the _kevet-dutar_ _’_ _s_ and his own shared safety concerns in the current climate, it would be unacceptable to allow her to travel alone. He resolved to accompany her, and bear the consequences. He hoped his old friend would not be disposed to violence.

Amanda had reconsidered herself, however. Recalling the last time she had gotten one of Sarek’s staff members into trouble, she opted for a different plan.

“Actually, Soran, never mind. If Sarek is that concerned, I should stay here. You go ahead.”

Gratified to have been freed from what could have been an awkward, potentially emotional situation, Soran simply nodded his acknowledgement.

“Logical, _T_ _’_ _Sai_. Live long and prosper. I wish you good health,” he added purposefully.

Amanda, focused on Sarek, didn’t notice the extra benediction. “Peace and long life, Soran.”

She waited until his flitter had cleared the fortress gates before preparing to leave herself. _I_ _‘_ _should_ _’_ _stay here, I suppose, but_ _I_ _’_ _m damned if I_ _’_ _m going to when I_ _’_ _m worried about Sarek. I need to see that he_ _’_ _s well. I can handle the fallout._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> feihan - leader
> 
> Khart-lan – Captain
> 
> to'tsu'k'hy - nerve pinch
> 
> va'ashiv - again


	43. Fallout

The major buildings of the government center in Shi’Kahr had been constructed to be surrounded by wide, pedestrian plazas in the open sun, a design element no doubt derived from military considerations in the distant past, but whose primary effect today was to cut down on offworlder tourism. The Vulcan sun beat down with brutal intensity on the broad, elegant expanses.

Amanda had learned how to move within the complex that housed Sarek’s offices without the solar exposure that regular visitation would entail. The entire compound had also been connected in previous times by a large, underground labyrinth of tunnels and passageways for use in escape or attack during war. Many of these remained in use for transit. She had learned all the passageways and shortcuts that reduced the amount of time she needed to spend in the sun.

She certainly didn’t expect that anyone observed her comings and goings this way with any particular interest.

Today she hurried through the tunnel segments near Sarek’s offices, intent on reaching her husband. He had closed the bond off to her when he left for Andoria, and while she accepted that he did this occasionally on diplomatic missions, her intuition – and his odd behavior in recent weeks – told her there was more going on. 

“Amanda Grayson.”

The unexpected summons as Amanda hurriedly rounded a dimly lit corner caused her to jump, nearly sending her sprawling. She turned, eyes still wide, to take in the lurking form of Sered’s aide.

“Suhl?”

The grim-faced aide was silent, but another voice joined them from the shadows.

“ _Komihn_ , you will address my aide properly. To you, he is _S_ _’_ _haile_ Suhl.”

Sered stepped forward, followed by another aide whom Amanda did not recognize.

“Councilor Sered,” Amanda greeted him coolly, pointedly ignoring his remark. Sered and Suhl were frankly the last beings she wished to encounter down here, and their companion looked no more welcoming. She noted uneasily that they blocked her forward progress. “You must excuse me; I have an appointment.”

None of the Vulcans moved. Amanda willed herself to reveal no unease.

“Very well,” she said evenly, “Peace and long life, gentlemen.” She moved to return the way she came.

Suhl suddenly moved more quickly than he appeared capable, snaking a long arm across her path and blocking her retreat. “We require information from her,” he said to the others.

The second, unidentified aide spoke up. “What can we want from this Human? She is a lure, a distraction, nothing more.”

_A lure? What can they be talking about?_

“No,” Suhl disagreed. “We need more information about his movements, his weaknesses. The measures we have taken so far have failed.”

_What measures?_

“You take many risks, Suhl,” the second aide objected.

“There is no alternative, Sicas,” Suhl replied with annoyance. “Three other attempts have failed! As before, we must light the spark, must revisit the ancestor’s fate. She is the spark. We must –” he struggled for the word –“ _ihwhei_ , er –”

“Do not speak improperly!” Sicas hissed.

Amanda didn’t miss the strange, non-Vulcan word, nor the slight accent revealed in the two aides’ heated speech. But she had no time for linguistic analysis at the moment, for Suhl was speaking again.

“Sered,” he said, his tone oddly authoritative, “you must take her thoughts if you wish to prevail. Do it now.”

Amanda sucked in a horrified breath, her eyes darting from one to the other.

Sered had followed the aides’ exchange with confusion. Now he hesitated. “I am not convinced this is necessary. She can serve as a distraction now, to interfere with his logic. It will be sufficient to keep her from him by detaining her here. The council session begins in one _v_ _’_ _hral_.”

“That will not be enough, I guarantee it. He is resourceful. We must have additional options!”

“You take her thoughts, then,” Sered replied, frowning at his aide’s insistent manner.

Unexpectedly, Suhl’s expression turned openly frustrated, as improbable as that would seem in a follower of Surak. His fellow aide stared at him with alarm. Amanda held her breath. After a long moment, the Vulcan spoke. “You must have the honor, _S_ _’_ _haile_ ,” he answered hesitantly.

“It is no honor to take another’s thoughts in this way,” Sered returned.

Suhl looked away. “I—I cannot, _S_ _’_ _haile_. I did not learn the proper techniques as a child; my skills are weak…”

Sered jerked his head to the side in a Vulcan gesture of near impatience. “Very well then. You are certain this is necessary?”

Suddenly the memory fragments came together in Amanda’s mind. A word from an unknown language, but spoken in _Vuhlkansu_ cadences. An accent suggesting an unfamiliar Vulcan dialect. A Vulcan lacking the ability to mind meld. As impossible as it seemed, she realized, the pieces together suggested… _the Seheikk'he._ She stared at the trio as if she were seeing living relics from ancient history. _They must be descendants of the Sundered_.

Her mind raced. _But Soran verified that Sered_ _’_ _s family was from Kethri. Maybe only his aides are_ Seheikk'he _._ Could they have come from somewhere and infiltrated Sered’s staff? It seemed too fantastical. And why?

Sered’s other aide was speaking. “Yes, _S_ _’_ _haile_. I do concur; it is necessary. Sarek must be removed for you to achieve your objectives with those you seek _._ We must learn from her the necessary steps.” He paused before urging, “At times, bold action is required to ensure the right prevails.”

The councilmember considered this, and then nodded, his mouth set in a grim line. He turned toward Amanda, one hand raised for a meld.

Instead of running, Amanda stood still, even though she was terrified. _I need to learn more,_ she told herself, focusing on the danger to her husband. _They refer to things they_ _’_ _ve done before._ _Their intent is to_ _‘_ _remove Sarek,_ _’_ _and there is that phrase again,_ _‘_ _she is the spark._ _’_ _I need to find out for him._ She fervently hoped finding out wouldn’t allow Sered to destroy her mind in the process.

Sered took a step toward her, and Amanda’s back collided with the tunnel wall as she tried to avoid his touch. There was no escape.

“You will show me what I need to know about Sarek,” he said, his voice ominous.

Amanda was frantically processing what she’d heard, searching for a way to avoid what was about to happen. _‘_ _The ancestor_ _’_ _s fate_ _’…_ _Sarek_ _’_ _s ancestor_ _…_ _Surak_ _…_ _Surak was assassinated!_ A simultaneous burst of alarm and inspiration sent Amanda’s heart racing.

Gesturing between herself and Sered, she demanded of the two aides, “Which of us is the gift to T’Pel?”

“The gift --? What do you know?” Suhl replied, eyes narrowed.

“Silence, Suhl!” his compatriot ordered.

“Where does your dialect originate? It’s not from Vulcan,” Amanda pressed. “And why do you speak of an assassination like Surak’s?”

“How can she know these things?” Suhl hissed to Sicas.

_“_ _Iurett!_ _”_ his colleague snapped.

“What it is the meaning of this?” Sered demanded.

“The Adepts of T’Pel were an ancient assassins’ guild of the Sundered,” Amanda quickly informed him. “‘A gift for T’Pel’ was one of their targets.”

“The Sundered?” Sered drew back. “What does this have to do with my aides?”

“Precisely nothing,” Sicas answered dismissively.

“They intend to assassinate Sarek, me, and maybe you, too, Sered!” Amanda exclaimed, hoping to appeal to her assailant. “There were two others who tried to kill me on Syldra; they said the same things as your aides – ‘she is the spark’ and ‘gift for T’Pel.’ And what happened to your predecessor?”

 “T’Lores died in a shuttle accident,” Suhl put in.

“Really? I don’t believe that anymore!” Amanda challenged.

“Human lies,” Sicas spat.

“This is foolishness.” Sered’s expression darkened, and he raised his hand again, splaying his fingers.

“Fine,” she whispered defiantly. “Take my thoughts. All you’ll learn is the truth!”

Amanda braced herself for the invasion of her mind. His fingers loomed and she could not help recoiling, but she refused to shut her eyes. She felt the hot, alien touch of his fingers, sensed the advancing presence of his mind. _I will not scream_ _…_

Then, as she waited with dread for the awful penetration of her consciousness, the fingers fell away.

“No. This can wait,” Sered said, turning back to his aides. “First, you will tell me what the Human means by her accusations.”

Amanda pulled herself slowly away from the wall, her heart pounding.

“They mean nothing,” Sicas asserted. “You have no reason to delay.”

“Nothing,” Suhl repeated, grabbing Amanda’s arm with a bruising grip and shoving her toward his superior. “She lies. Finish what you started, Sered. Do not be tricked by mere Human words.”

“ _I_ have started nothing,” Sered growled. “You insist that we violate her mind, yet you claim you cannot yourself. You speak of events and plans of which I am unaware, yet you expect me not to question. _You_ are to follow _my_ direction, and not the reverse. Leave her.”

“We must not!” Suhl objected, even as he reluctantly released Amanda’s arm.

“She is inconsequential. I do not need to resort to violence to prove that my approach on the council is superior to Sarek’s. But I _do_ need you to answer my questions. Now.”

Despite his words, his certainty and his control were clearly shaken. Sered turned to glare down at the Human. “I will not allow you to inform anyone of this.”

His hand darted forward again, and this time everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ihwhei - bury [non-Vulcan language]
> 
> “Iurett!” – “Silence!” [non-Vulcan language] 
> 
> v’hral - Vulcan hour


	44. Flare Up

Sarek and Soran conferred intently on how to expose the source of the security breach that had allowed the _Surak_ to be attacked. Examination of the fact pattern made it clear only that the transgression occurred within one of the agencies on Vulcan with which the _Surak_ communicated. It would require a concerted effort to identify the specific violator.

During this analytical session the ambassador seemed his normal self, until Soran made the mistake of mentioning security for Amanda.

Sarek pinned his chief of staff with a fierce glare and growled, “You will not speak of my wife.”

Soran made the only response possible when one suspected a colleague of a certain unspeakable condition. He lowered his eyes and said, “I beg forgiveness, _S’haile_.” Inwardly, he planned to review and discreetly reschedule Sarek’s appointments for the near future, and to deal with what matters he could in the ambassador’s place. It was what he could do for his friend.

Now distracted, the ambassador excused himself. A brief interval passed before he returned, agitated. “My wife does not answer her comm,” he announced, completely forgetting that he had forbade Soran from discussing her just minutes before.

His friend recalled the conversation he’d had with Amanda earlier in the day and made a grim realization: She may have decided to come to Shi’Kahr to see her husband after all. And if so, her failure to respond could signify that she was in danger.

“Sarek,” he began, concerned, but Sarek had already sensed the tenor of his thought.

“I must search for her,” he announced, already moving toward the door. “Send security to my encoded location if I do not contact you within fifteen _lirt’k_.” Then he was gone.

ooo

Amanda awoke in an unfamiliar section of underground passageway. It was dark, she was disoriented, her neck was sore, and her head was pounding.

_What happened?_ She tried to remember, but only seemingly random thoughts and impressions came. She recalled… _who?_ Someone she knew. And she felt a jolt of fear.

She stood slowly and tried to regain her bearings, but it was almost completely black in the corridor to her Human eyes. Was she still in the vicinity of D’Han’Naal? Was her assailant, whoever it was, still nearby? If so, she doubted her ability to escape in her current circumstance.

_I have to get out of here somehow._

Suddenly, she felt Sarek’s reverberating call through the bond.

_//Aduna!//_

_//Adun!//_ she replied, wondering if he could sense her feeble, non-psi attempt at all.

Shortly thereafter, she heard footsteps – and held her breath. If they weren’t Sarek’s, they could only be…

Suddenly she felt his presence, and he was by her side.

“ _Aduna!_ Are you well?” he asked, the severity of his voice belying the concern that flowed to her through their joined fingers. “Why did you disobey my instructions and come here – _alone?_ Where is the logic your actions? _”_

Amanda could feel his agitation and irritation rising as he asked, but she couldn’t deal with that now.

_//Sarek, let’s leave this place, please!//_ The urgency in her mind flowed to him across their bond.

He stared at her for a split second, assessing, and then silently obliged, leading her swiftly back the way he had come. After what seemed like several minutes, he stopped in another dim passage. This one seemed closer to the main corridors, for Amanda could make out light beyond and the muffled sounds of others passing.

“We are underneath the palace. This place is relatively secure; there is surveillance in the surrounding passages,” Sarek informed her. “Are you well?” he repeated, insistent.

“I am now,” she breathed – and instantly regretted revealing as much as she had with this small statement.

“What do you mean?” He asked sharply.

_Oh, no_.

“Sarek, I’m fine. Let’s --”

“ _Aduna_ , you will answer me,” he demanded.

Amanda closed her eyes in concentration, trying to recall her thoughts before she fell unconscious. She had been in these corridors, intent on reaching his office, but then… Her head throbbed in pain. And a question dogged her.

“I’ll try. But first, tell me this: What happened to Surak, beyond the published history?” She didn’t know why she was asking him this; she only knew that she had to know.

Sarek looked at her blankly. “Surak was betrayed. He had nearly negotiated peace with the last remaining warring clan on Vulcan when a small faction from that clan reneged on their pledge of peace and kidnapped his bondmate. He obtained her safety, but refused to fight the insurgents himself, and so he was killed.”

Amanda’s eyes became saucers. “Oh, Sarek, _promise_ me you’ll never do anything like that!”

“Of course, I would protect you,” he answered. Then his eyes narrowed. “Why, my wife?”

“I don’t want you to be lured into any kind of danger…”

“Danger from whom?” Sarek asked, and his tone became more forbidding. “Who has threatened you?”

“Promise me you won’t do anything precipitous,” Amanda pleaded, aware of the incongruity of the request she was making to her supposedly peaceful, rational husband. _What kind of crazy situation have we been drawn into?_

Impatient, he growled, “You will answer me _now_.”

“I don’t know, I can’t remember!” she cried, her head pounding again. _I need to tell him – what??_ In a moment of inspiration, she guided his fingers to her face.

His mind joined hers, swiftly absorbing the reason for her pain. Her memories came rushing back. Amanda opened her eyes to see Sarek abruptly pull away -- in outrage.

She was stunned to see the anger – no, the murderous _fury_ \-- in his eyes.  He had never so openly expressed such a violent emotion in front of her.

Goaded by the volatile hormones already racing through his system, Sarek was overswept with rage. _Kill this rival!_ No longer merely a political competitor, Sered had attempted an unthinkable intimacy with his bondmate. Possessiveness and protectiveness surged, urging a violent response.

_Another, another_ male _, has attempted to touch the mind of she who is mine!_   And not only had he attempted to violate her mind, he had also tried to make her forget the incident, however ineptly.

His jaw locked and his breathing heavy, the heir to Surak barely fought back the urge to hunt his opponent down mercilessly to a savage end. Overriding it was much more difficult than with any impulse ever before, and he was only successful because of the need to stay and protect his wife. _I must eschew violence… I also must protect her... She is mine!_

Amanda was shocked when, uncaring for Vulcan propriety, he grabbed her hand, pulling her back toward a darkened hallway.

_//Where are we going?//_

_//Out of earshot,//_ was his terse response.

He pulled her along, around corners and deeper into the ancient warren of passageways under the palace. Suddenly Sarek stopped and spun her to face him, his grip on her wrist tight and demanding.

“You will tell me everything.” 

“Not until you promise not to overreact -- and you won’t order me around!”

“You will obey me. It is for your safety.”

“You can’t just treat me like a prisoner!” 

“You insist on endangering yourself. This behavior must cease.” 

“Sarek, this isn’t about me, it’s about you!” Amanda exclaimed.

“I am in no danger,” he dismissed.

“Yes, you are!” she cried. “It’s not me Sered wants to see harmed, it’s you. I’m not his opponent on the High Council. And that’s not all --”

Sarek jerked his head in denial.

Now thoroughly exasperated, fearful for him and infuriated by him, Amanda shouted, “Sarek, I love you!” She clapped her hands on either side of his face. _//Believe me, Husband!_ Listen _to me,//_ she demanded _._

He finally did. Focusing on her recent memories again, Sarek saw in full what she had seen, heard what she had heard, learned what she had – and realized that she had risked her life to protect him. He was floored. She had surprised him once again: it was he who was supposed to be protecting her, and yet…

Sarek of Vulcan could not find any words his upbringing would allow him to use. Supremely frustrated, he stood silent for a long moment before he simply growled out, _“_ Amanda _.”_  

He knew full well the Terran meaning of her name.

He pulled her to him and kissed her passionately, in yet another attempt to show what he could not tell.

 “You are unharmed?” he asked urgently, his hands beginning to rove desperately across her body. _She could have been killed… She is alive --!_

“Yes!” Amanda cried, helpless to stop him.

Dimly, he knew it would be a better idea to depart this place, to exercise restraint until they could reach the seclusion of their own home… but the aroused being at his core was having none of it. They were alone enough. The well-known madness flooded through him yet again, along with it the overwhelming need to _claim_.

He marked her, the suddenness of it causing her to yelp in surprise. 

_What is he thinking?_ she wondered, knowing exactly what was coming next.

_//You will be silent,//_ his mind voice commanded.

_//You have got to be kidding,//_ she thought back, well aware of their limited privacy. But there was no time to object, or even to think.

ooo

T’Pau’s substantial telepathic abilities required her constant vigilance to avoid sensing the emotions and even the thoughts of others. As a result, unlike her bondmate, she preferred to avoid off-planet travel and the accompanying exposure to unshielded minds; this was also one of the reasons why she had turned down a seat on the Federation High Council. Her powerful psi sense was a burden at times, but _kai’idth_.

She was not prepared for it to suddenly become a personal burden here at home. Seeking to summon Sarek for a briefing prior to the High Council session, T’Pau closed her eyes and called up the parental bond to summon her son, just as she had done countless times since his earliest days. Although it was difficult to do, even for her, when he was elsewhere in the galaxy, the method was quite efficient now that he was back on-planet.  She opened her thoughts and stretched out her senses…

Her mind stopped in its proverbial tracks. And immediately beat a hasty retreat. Fortunately, no one observed the Matriarch’s eyes widen in a most unacceptable display… of embarrassment. At that moment her son was single-mindedly focused and intensely, emotionally engaged in a passionate endeavor with his bondmate. Even T’Pau had the decency to withdraw immediately.  Although she could not fathom the circumstances resulting in this situation, a single mind’s-eyeful was enough. Giving them privacy was the only logical option. 

She would deal with his behavior later.

Her thoughts back inside her own mind, she couldn’t help reflecting for a moment that perhaps Skon was correct; this method of gaining her son’s attention had outlasted its usefulness.

ooo

The things Sarek was doing to her body and her mind were unreal. His hands were everywhere under her robe; in a rush he pulled it open and off her shoulders. He made short work of her garments underneath. Having thusly exposed her, Sarek hastily picked her up and propped her on a stone ledge in the timeworn passageway. No doubt it had never been intended for this, but it served his purpose now.

His blatant taking of her body had Amanda utterly aroused; she wantonly let him do it. She didn’t really understand what was driving him at this moment, only that it was a need – and that his desire had infected her. She caught her breath with every touch of his hot fingers, her own hands frantically caressing him of their own accord. Somehow between the two of them they pulled enough of his clothing away to free him.

Without a moment’s pause he thrust hard into her welcoming coolness. Amanda grabbed at him with a gasp. She pulled him closer, wrapping herself tightly around him as he drove into her. Their minds collided and joined, and they were both lost in a blinding, rushing tide of shared excitement, oblivious to all else.

Completely caught up in his ardent frenzy, Amanda tried desperately not to vocalize; they were practically in the darned palace, of all places, but it was impossible. Her mind begged him to take her and he energetically obliged, the ineffable sensations he created escalating inside her until they were almost unbearable. The passionate sound wrenched itself from her body.

She gave a furtive, desperate cry, coming hard in his arms. He held her like a vice while their bodies jerked together, and their bond flooded with his own satiation. Finally there was only stillness, save for the sounds of their labored breathing in the empty corridor.

Sarek pulled back to gaze at his wife, her flushed face and disheveled hair, the mark on her shoulder, her eyes closed and lips puffy from his demanding attentions. _//You are_ mine _.//_ The thought came accompanied by more than a little satisfaction.

Amanda’s eyelids fluttered in response. “Always, my beloved _adun_ ,” she murmured.  

She had more presence of mind to think than speak at the moment. _//Although honestly, Sarek, I thought you would have realized by now that you don’t need to continue proving the point.  Especially here, practically under your mother’s nose!//_

She sagged against him, exhausted but content. She was surprised by the recklessness of his libidinous behavior, but at the moment could only think that perhaps the extreme provocation had been sufficient cause. Thankfully at least, Amanda thought, no one had noticed their blatant interlude.

But at her mention of their location, Sarek was abruptly reminded of his surroundings, of the circumstances that had led to their passionate encounter just now. His expression darkened thunderously, and anger flared upward again. _Sered! I must remove --!_

Amanda could see where this was going. “Sarek…” she warned. _What’s happened to his control? This has really affected him!_

With effort, Sarek pulled his thoughts away from violence and focused his attention back onto his small Human wife. She was staring at him, concerned. He took a calming breath, and then another. Finally, he was able to assess. The High Council session was due to start imminently. He needed to deal with Sered, and he did not want her to witness the battle that was to occur. It would only be a verbal contest – most likely -- but disagreeable nonetheless. In addition, there was the risk of harm befalling her if she remained within reach of Sered’s aides.

“My husband,” Amanda began again, worried, “this situation is serious, I know, but is there anything else wro--?”

“You will return to the fortress immediately,” he declared, overriding her question. “I will summon Stell, T’Lina and Sporn to accompany you. You will remain under guard at all times until I return.” It was not an ideal solution, but it was superior to the alternatives.

“Sarek, I don’t --” she objected.

“My wife, you will not question me!” Sarek said, heat in his voice. Seeing her widened eyes, his voice softened. “It is not safe for you here at this time. Do you understand?”

Reluctantly, Amanda nodded. She could see his point; she still shaken by the assault on her mind. Sered and his aides were still out there. But what of his safety?

Seeming to sense her question, he reassured her. “I will be in the High Council chambers, nothing more, my wife,” he said, once again belying a calm that did not exist.

He escorted his wife toward his offices, his body pulling her onward but his mind focused on the matter at hand. He had unfinished business to attend. _She in_ mine!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> Amanda, meaning of name: “Beloved” or “Worthy of Being Loved”


	45. Confrontation

The council convened itself with little fanfare. Sarek, recomposed, arrived prepared to answer the council’s inquiries. All of the other council members were present, he noted calmly – and then he saw Sered. He experienced a blinding rush of aggression. _Remove this rival!_ Taking an angry step in Sered’s direction, fists clenched, he barely managed to stop himself. _It is forbidden!_ He glared instead, holding his impulses at bay. Fortunately, no one other than Sered observed his action.

Sered’s gaze met his, and the Kethri representative’s eyes widened ever so slightly -- in fear. He could easily discern that Sarek knew.

Sarek fought down the instinctive urge to act on the fear he saw by hunting down his quarry. _I must control!_ With effort, he clamped down on his aggressive emotions. Logic told him not to confront Sered just yet.

_I shall prevail with logic._

He was attempting to solidify his control when T’Pran summoned him forward.

“Sarek, you will explain the circumstances that led to the reported violence on your last diplomatic mission, and why the _Surak_ was involved.”

He stood, squaring his shoulders authoritatively. “Following the conclusion of our mission to Andoria, we were attacked on our return voyage. It is my suspicion that our flight path information was leaked to the Orion pirates who ambushed us.”

T’Enne spoke. “While the possibility of an alleged security breach is a matter of concern, it does not justify the violence that was perpetrated by Vulcan citizens during the incident. We are a people of peace.”

“Indeed, _T’Sai_ ,” Sarek responded, bowing in respect to the elder council member. “The diplomatic corps of course seeks to employ peaceful means wherever possible. In this case, defensive actions were required to preserve life.” He paused and said sincerely, “I regret the violence of my actions.”

“I object to such a benign characterization of your behavior,” Sered interjected, seeing an opportunity to attack from a place of relative safety. “You _killed_ , Sarek. Your actions were unjustified, and you allowed emotion to cloud your reason, just as I have argued. Further, this incident might not have occurred at all if Vulcan were not so visibly aligned with Human and Federation interests.” He surveyed the rest of the council expectantly.

Sarek’s temper frayed. This was the rival who had threatened his bondmate, and who now attempted to sway the High Council with inaccurate statements. He wanted to commit violence. With an iron will, he held onto his discipline, every muscle tense with effort.

“My actions were a response to a direct threat to the _Surak’s_ bridge crew by invaders who sought to plunder the ship. The death of the attacking Orion was indeed regrettable. However, my defensive actions were necessary to prevent the deaths or enslavement of a greater number of the _Surak’s_ crew.”

He swung to face Sered accusingly. “I would be interested to know how you would have reacted, Sered,” he added. “Perhaps you would have sacrificed your delegation and crew? Or does your interpretation of IDIC extend to the diversity of slaves in Orion markets?”

A quiet shifting by some council members was all that indicated the unease with which they reacted to his emphatic statements. Sarek noted the group’s unspoken reservation, but he did not relent.

“There is more,” he announced. “While you have remained overly concerned with my actions both private and public, Sered, what of the actions of your own aides? What of their origins, and their intentions toward Vulcan? Why did you not see fit to investigate them properly? I believe you would find doing so most inconvenient.” Now he stepped toward Sered, barely controlled menace in his stride. “The _Seheikk'he_ are perhaps not as lost as we have believed, are they?”

Sered froze, aware of the rest of the council’s eyes on him. “You speculate illogically, Sarek.”

Sarek addressed the council, “I submit to this body that sufficient evidence exists to draw into grave question Sered’s hypothesis that searching for the _Seheikk'he_ would yield a more fruitful and peaceful set of interstellar relations than our current, Federation-based one.

“Sered and I are agreed in our belief that the _Seheikk'he,_ in fact, exist,” Sarek continued forcefully, earning several startled looks in his direction. “However, I have evidence that some or all of them are behind the recent attacks intended to destabilize Vulcan, the Federation and peace in this quadrant.”

The councilors leaned forward, surprised and concerned by this allegation and the tenor with which it was made. Sarek’s temper was well known, and it was very disconcertingly on display. The shifting on the podium became more pronounced. Sarek ignored it, his attention back on Sered.

“Further, there is evidence to suggest that T’Madh’s original successor on this council, T’Lores, did not meet her demise accidentally. Sered himself may have been placed here by the Sundered, even if he is unaware of this.”

Sered rose to object, but Sarek doggedly refused to yield.

“There is still more,” he declared. Now his demeanor turned deadly calm. “What of your own actions, Sered?” he asked. Sarek turned and addressed the rest of the council, his voice deep and reverberating. “The council will regard what I have to say next with great concern.” He paused, gesturing toward his opponent. “This one attempted to violate the mind of she-who-is- _aduna_ ,” he announced, “and further attempted to cause her to lose memory of the act.”

Council members murmured at Sarek’s accusation.

“This is a most reprehensible crime among Vulcans,” Sarek continued. “If Sered will not speak the truth, my own thoughts will reveal it!” He stood resolute before the council, his palms extended in invitation.

For a moment the hall was completely silent. Then, Councilor Silen spoke. “Sered, where are your aides?”

Suhl and Sicas had occupied seats near the rear of the hall earlier, but now those seats were conspicuously vacant. Sered’s brows shot up, openly surprised.

Still icily calm, Sarek put in coolly, “I suggest you inspect ships departing Vulcan Space Central.”

T’Pran shot a warning look in his direction, but nonetheless directed an aide to send security to the space port in order to detain the aides for questioning.

She then turned to Sered. “Sered, what do you have to say to these charges?”

Sered slowly rose from his seat, his eyes not meeting the rest of the council’s. Confronted by charges that were difficult to refute and apparently abandoned by his aides, he analyzed his predicament. He had been used, and he had allowed it. His arguments had been undermined. He was no longer sure of what the truth was in the events surrounding his appointment to the council. His position appeared fatally weakened.

Regrettably, there was only one logical course. He looked to T’Pran and spoke. “Acting Council Leader, I cannot tell you the facts about my aides and the Sundered, because I do not know. But in truth I cannot rule out the suspicion. _S’haile_ Sarek possesses more information than I on this question.”

“This is a matter of substantial concern, Sered,” T’Pran declared.

Sered took a breath, eyes downcast. “Yes. I… regret that I was unaware of this… possibility. I also deeply regret… that the intended holder of this council seat may have been put to death in order for… some… to install me here instead. I was ignorant, and remiss not to investigate satisfactorily myself. I accepted the words of others without verifying their trustworthiness. It shames me and my House to have been beneficiaries of such an act.”

The members of the council were silent for a moment, contemplating this horror.

“It appears we all have much to learn from this,” Sofir intoned solemnly.

“And regarding the crime of mind assault?” T’Pran asked severely.

Sered visibly drew in a breath, and met T’Pran’s eyes. The truth of his error could not be avoided. “I do confess, I did… consider such a violation. I did not complete it… but my judgment was severely in error.”

All in the council hall were hushed.

“And I confess I did attempt the _Vokaya-pak_ on the Hu—” he caught himself, “on _T’Sai_ Amanda to conceal my actions. I beg forgiveness. My actions were… without logic.” He bowed his head.

The council, for all its collective Vulcan restraint, practically erupted.

Councilor T’Dar’s voice carried over the din to Sarek. “Son of Skon, tradition dictates that you may name a consequence for the one who attempted this violation of your bondmate. Within the bounds of logic,” she added, still unsure of the state of Sarek’s temper, “what is your wish?”

The council waited, hidden tension in its members. While his arguments had been effective, Sarek’s behavior bordered on obvious emotionalism, if indeed it couldn’t already be characterized as such. This was either the result of illogic, in allowing emotional thinking regarding his Human bondmate to affect his behavior – precisely one of the concerns Sered had raised – or he was on the verge of that other condition that Sered had most improperly spoken of. All eyes were pinned on the heir of Surak while each contemplated what might occur – and what type of response might be necessary.

By now Sarek found the debate stretching his patience to the breaking point. He had informed the relevant authorities of the criminal acts committed by Sered and his aides; logic dictated they would be dealt with appropriately. At the moment he was distracted by an intense desire to ensure his bondmate’s safety as soon as possible. His body tensed…

“Do as you see fit,” he growled, before he abruptly turned -- and stalked from the hall. His colleagues stared after him, not expecting this turn of events. Sarek no longer cared what the council decided with respect to Sered, nor did he care at the moment what they thought of his behavior. He needed to return home, to his wife.

Brows remained raised at his departure, but no one intervened.

ooo

Swiftly exiting the council chambers, Sarek’s boots echoed sharply off the aged stone as he strode toward the egress and his flitter, intent on reaching Amanda as soon as possible.

“My son. Attend.”  T’Pau’s quietly authoritative voice echoed in the ancient corridor, halting Sarek’s departure.  Having observed his conduct on the viewscreen in her office, she determined the need to question him directly.

He turned, marshalling his control for yet another tiresome discussion. All he really desired was to return to his home and his bondmate, and to meditate thoroughly.

Instead, he followed the matriarch into her private offices. She regarded him closely, her discerning eyes carefully scrutinizing his countenance. He controlled a stab of irritation, responding in his usual measured tones, “You have further questions for me, _Pid-kom_?”

“My questions are of a more personal nature, _sa-fu_ ,” T’Pau replied, still eying him with care. “Thee are well, after thy experience?”

“Violence is always to be regretted, _Komekh_. But I am unharmed. I will meditate at length upon my unfortunate lapse.” Sarek’s assurance should have ended the conversation. But there was something slightly amiss about his bearing, a subtle tension that did not escape his mother.

“Allow me to judge, my son,” she responded and extended her fingers for the familial mind touch. Sarek stiffened involuntarily before reluctantly acquiescing. She did not fail to notice. 

T’Pau’s eyes closed briefly as their minds touched and she experienced the incident from his perspective. It was indeed regrettable, but it also did appear unavoidable, even if his control had been imperfect. The death had been accidental.

And yet there _was_ something else… It did not take her long to ascertain what it was.

She removed her fingers and opened her eyes, addressing him matter-of-factly. “Thee acted with logic. I consider that matter closed. There is another issue, however, that will soon become urgent.” 

Sarek frowned and looked away, jaw tightening. 

The matriarch waited a beat. “Thee must tell her. She may sense something but she will not yet understand.”

Sarek bridled. “That is between my _aduna_ and myself. I still have time.”

T’Pau’s voice hardened. “Thee has very little. Do not squander what is left in illogical denial.”

“I am in control!” he snapped. 

“Then thee will _act_ that way,” she commanded.

The sting of her words forced some eroding rationality to return. “I ask forgiveness,” Sarek offered grudgingly. “But I will manage my own affairs,” he growled.

“See that thee does.”

Storm clouds darkened his visage fleetingly before he bowed stiffly and stalked from the hall.

Expressionless, T’Pau watched him leave. Her options were simple in this situation: one, remain uninvolved, and leave her son to manage his own affairs in his increasingly irrational state; two, assist the Human in preparing for what must come; or three, provide Sarek with one of the surrogates she had selected to hopefully prevent the death of her son as well as his Human wife. She dispassionately assessed each alternative.

There was a 79.21% probability that she would need to intervene very soon.

ooo

Sarek automatically piloted his flitter home, his thoughts fully occupied. As much as he wished to deny her assertions, he was forced to admit his mother was correct. His Time was approaching. His aggressive inclinations, irritable mood, and increasingly heightened senses were all consistent with what he remembered from before. And although he had prevailed against Sered and had held himself from resorting to violence, he knew how fragile his control had been.

_But I am not an inexperienced adolescent, unable to resist my own impulses. I will use my discipline to delay the onset of the Fever._ Of course, he couldn’t know that the _pon farr_ was already affecting him, for him to believe he could alter its inexorable progression.

He closed his mind off from his marriage bond, once again seeking to avoid distressing his _aduna_ with what would soon become darkly emotional, disturbing thoughts. _I must control, to keep them at bay_ , he resolved to himself, urgently fighting down a sudden burst of panic. Why had he been so selfish to bond with Amanda? Now, no matter how well he delayed it, she would eventually be at the mercy of the one Vulcan force he ultimately could not stop.

His thoughts became darker still. It was the inescapable truth, he told himself scathingly: he had utterly failed as a Vulcan in this. Instead he had indulged himself in emotion he should have eschewed, had illogically rationalized that the consequences would be different. No, if his regard for Amanda Grayson were truly what he told himself it was, he should have followed logic’s dictates to the letter and never allowed himself to consider more than an arms’ length relationship with her.  

Surak’s precepts may have allowed for the realities of _pon_ _farr_ , and for the existence of emotion, even passionate emotion, between bondmates, but they did not consider the case of outworlders, fragile and breakable in the face of those passions. For when his control failed, as almost certainly it would, the beast inside him would escape its restraints…

He shuddered violently at the thought, causing the flitter to plummet downward before quickly re-adjusting itself. Sarek looked down almost casually as the ground rushed up before dipping away again. _So be it,_ he thought grimly. Perhaps it would take some similar, unintended act to resolve the untenable situation he had created.

For he knew another thing that was different about his bond with Amanda compared to the one he had had with T’Rea. He could never voluntarily separate himself from her. Not ever. Not Amanda. _She is mine!_

ooo

Sarek reached home without further incident. Upon his arrival he received a comm from Soran informing him that Sered had resigned, and had been assigned by the council to a lengthy period of time as an acolyte at Gol to restructure his disciplines in the mental arts. Further, a stolen spacecraft had been approached by security at Space Central, whereupon the craft had self-destructed.

Amanda came to greet him when he arrived and heard this news. She leaned her head against his chest, and he controlled the host of impulses that arose at her action.

“I am sorry they died,” she said. “Do you really think that Sered’s aides were descendants of the Sundered, Sarek?”

Sarek looked down protectively at his Human wife. _So vulnerable_. He thought to chastise her further for traveling into Shi’Kahr without security, but decided against it. He would take the measures needed, for the threat remained. The failure of the ones who had posed as staff to Sered was merely a temporary setback for others of their kind who no doubt existed. Knowing what he did about Vulcan nature, he would not be at all surprised if those whose ancestors so fiercely fought his own returned again. But he would not distress his wife with this analysis.

“It is an interesting hypothesis, my wife. No doubt more academic research will be required to confirm such suppositions. Someday, we may indeed confirm the existence of the _Seheikk'he_.”

She nodded, still leaning against him, and for a moment his arms tightened around her. _I need her_ _…_ Then, alerted by a sound Amanda could not hear, he straightened, just in time to greet the servant coming to inform them that end meal was served.

He acknowledged the attendant and turned toward the dining area, even though he had no appetite.

Following him out of the room, Amanda replied, “Yes, very interesting. No doubt it will be a topic of discussion it tomorrow evening.”

“Tomorrow evening?” Sarek repeated blankly.

“How did you forget with that eidetic memory?” she teased. “It’s that Earth-Vulcan function we planned awhile ago.”

Sarek recalled, but seeing his darkened expression, Amanda grew concerned.

“We can cancel it if you wish, my husband. Is something wrong?”

He caught himself, and looked down expressionlessly at her. “Do not concern yourself, _Aduna_. I am merely fatigued. It is logical for the event to proceed as planned.”

Sarek turned to continue walking, but not before Amanda spied the almost wistful glance he gave her.

Of course, he had just been through a great deal with the council, Sered, and the saboteurs posing as Sered’s aides. “Is there any way I can help?” she asked.

She did not see the fleeting look of anguish in his eyes.

“It is of no consequence,” he murmured, picking up his pace ever so slightly.

He would meditate at length after end-meal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gol – reference to the monastery on Mt. Kohlinar where Vulcan masters study the mental arts and the suppression of emotion
> 
> Vokaya-pak – The Forgetting, Vulcan mind technique to cause the subject to forget certain memories.


	46. Ancient Impulses

As the evening wore on, Sarek found himself growing restless, the conversations tiresome. The presence of so many emotional beings tested his already strained discipline. _It will be over soon,_ he told himself, _my objectives accomplished._ In the meantime, he decided to search out his wife. _So many introductions and the long evening could be taking a toll on her._

But what he saw when he spied her across the room made his stomach lurch. Amanda, engaged in a small group that included Daniel Corrigan, was smiling and laughing, touching Corrigan’s arm as they shared an apparent joke. 

_Touching. His. Arm_.

Sarek’s jaw tightened and he sucked in air through flaring nostrils as he fought for control. _It is merely a Human gesture. She means nothing by it._ Still, Sorel, standing next to Corrigan, had seen it, and even though Sarek trusted his wife implicitly, he could not dislodge the hot spear of jealousy that shot through him. He turned on his heel, seeking the outside air for a moment to collect himself.

_I must control this!_

Amanda looked up just in time to see the hem of a familiar robe disappear through the archway to the outside. An odd sense of foreboding gripped her, and she excused herself from her companions.

She found him standing at the balcony’s edge, his straight bearing ominously more rigid than normal. “Sarek…?” she began, but when he swung around at her, intense eyes boring into hers, she knew she was in trouble.

_Whatever for?_

“Your comportment is most inappropriate.”

“How so?” she asked, indignant. _What brought this on?_

“Your behavior with Doctor Corrigan.”

“Oh my goodness, Sarek, Daniel is a friend of ours. And my doctor. He just told me a joke. That’s all.”

He remained glaring at her, to her surprise. “I’m sorry,” she said lamely, wondering if that was really all that was bothering him. “Sarek, what’s wrong?”

Sarek straightened stiffly. “Nothing is out of the ordinary,” he replied, knowing the blatant diplomatic lie for what it was. His mind was a jumble, and he could not sort out the illogic of the situation he found himself in. He only knew that he wanted to leave, to take his bondmate home, where she would be safe and they could be alone. But they _were_ at home… He couldn’t focus, and he could not control his frustration.

“ _Aduna_ , you must excuse me. There is a matter to which I must attend. Please see to our guests.” With relief, he stepped away again to regain himself.

Amanda shook her head, eyes following him with concern. _‘Seeing to our guests_ _’ is what you were just upset with me about,_ she thought. But her concerns were sidelined by dignitaries from the Terran Embassy requesting a tour of the fortress.

Later, toward the end of the evening, Sarek, his control somewhat restored, was seated speaking with the elderly Sofir near the warmth of the ancient fire chamber.

The massive structure dominated one end of the great hall, enclosed by tall, wafer-thin sheets of cut quartz. Smoke was siphoned away through a flue at the apex of the angled sheets, while the flames made the fireplace appear to be a giant, flickering ruby. It gave off a great deal of heat, no doubt comfortable for the elderly Sofir, who discussed with interest Sered’s resignation, and the ongoing investigation into possible involvement by the Sundered.

Sarek, too, found himself appreciative of the fire chamber’s warmth; he had been chilled all evening and unable to address the discomfort. He had almost relaxed in the warm air when his attention was unpleasantly seized.

ooo

For the most part, it had been a pleasant evening and a successful interspecies social endeavor. However, toward the end, Amanda found herself regretting her idea of providing alcoholic beverages to their Human guests. She had thought it to be a culturally friendly gesture, but a few of the Humans present had become a bit too friendly themselves as a result.

One such Human was Admiral Sharif, of her acquaintance from the Universal Translator project on Earth, before she and Sarek were married. The admiral had wanted Starfleet to control the translator’s technology, something she had opposed. Fortunately, nothing had come of it. Now he was part of a small Starfleet contingent visiting Vulcan, and so he had been invited.

The admiral was preparing to leave, and Amanda felt obligated as hostess to personally bid him farewell. “I am glad you were able to join us, Admiral,” she said.

“So am I, _Ti_ _—Tiss-eye_ ,” Sharif replied, stumbling over the unfamiliar title. “You know, Amanda,” he confided, leaning a bit too close, “I let that high-handed Vulcan walk away with the universal translator, but I had no idea he was going to walk away with you, too. Shouldn’t have let the devil get away with that! _Heh-heh_ ,” he concluded with an awkward chuckle before seizing her hand to kiss it.

_Damn_ , Amanda thought, chastising herself for not moving faster to escape the inebriated Sharif. She thought to pull her hand away, but then decided that would likely make for a more prolonged incident. _How rude!_ She stared at her guest coldly as he attempted to plant his lips on the back of her hand and missed.

Sarek, the length of the hall away, looked up just in time to see the admiral lean over the hand of his bondmate. A hand the Human had no business touching. The Vulcan rose in one swift, smoothly controlled motion, the only movement revealing the force of his action being the speed at which his carved stone chair slid from behind him. 

_"Aduna!"_

His voice rang out in the hall. For a fraction of a second the great space was silent. Sarek stood ramrod straight, expectant, paired fingers outstretched. Amanda looked around curiously, but the moment had passed. She did not see the precisely averted, telltale Vulcan glances around the room that revealed how carefully the ambassador’s behavior was being scrutinized.

"Attend."

_Not again_ _tonight_ , she thought. Still, her husband’s summons was a perfect opportunity to disengage diplomatically from the overly attentive Sharif, so she took it without objection, dutifully walking to her husband’s side.

Sarek offered her the _oz’hesta_ , but it was already clear from his stony gaze that he was displeased. The same information radiated through their bond before he again walled himself off.

Amanda sighed.“Sarek…” she began.

“You will attend,” he answered gruffly. With that, he led her to the nearest group of guests in conversation.

One of the guests, a Human woman from the Earth Embassy, looked up at their arrival. “This has been such a lovely evening, Ambassador, Doctor. Thank you for including us.”

Sarek simply stared back at the attaché and declared, “It has been a long day for my wife.”

Eyes widened around the circle for a lengthy, awkward moment before people began offering stumbling excuses to leave.

“Well, look at the time…”

“Early start tomorrow; we’d better be going…”

Before everyone had even finished speaking, Sarek moved on to the next group to deliver the same message.

Amanda wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. Sarek could be amazingly perceptive of other cultures as well as incredibly gracious, but he also could be shockingly rude. Like now.

“Sarek!” she whispered urgently, but he ignored her entreaty and continued, undeterred. Not surprisingly, no Vulcans took offense, but most of the Humans did.

She wondered what had gotten into him. In any case, she knew she could neither laugh nor cry standing beside her Vulcan ambassador husband. So she plastered on a polite, fake smile, and thought of exactly what she was going to say to him afterward.

ooo

The door to their bedchamber only just closed.

“I can’t believe you!”

“I exist. There is nothing about me to disbelieve,” he replied, deliberately obtuse.

“You were unbelievably rude to our guests.”

“I saw it necessary to remove the undesirable influences from the premises.”

“Undesirable influences! Do you mean our Human guests?” Amanda exclaimed in disbelief.

“I mean those who attempt to make unacceptable, intimate contact with my bondmate.”

“You mean Sharif? He was drunk.”

“Admiral Sharif, Doctor Corrigan, and any other Human male whom I might _not_ have observed,” came his testy response.

Amanda’s mouth dropped open in indignation. “Excuse me! Sarek, I thought we’d gotten past this. There was nothing…”

“You must behave with more decorum.”

“I _was_ behaving with decorum!” Amanda cried, frustration clear in her voice.

“The evidence demonstrates otherwise,” he replied tersely as he turned from her, unwilling to converse further.

“I’m not _Vulcan_ , Sarek,” came her hurt and angry retort as he walked away. 

She did not see him close his eyes, pained by her words _. I know you are not. What have I done?_

“I must meditate,” was all he could manage before he left the room.

Amanda bit her lip painfully as she watched him leave. She wanted to go to him, soothe him, but she was thoroughly uncertain how to approach him. As well as annoyed. He was certainly in a mood. She hoped he would meditate successfully. It was not lost on her that lately he seemed to need its calming influence much more frequently.

_Hopefully he_ _’ll be able to find what he needs, and he_ _’ll re-center himself_ , she thought as she readied herself for bed. _We can talk when he returns_. It was a reasonable hypothesis, but doubt followed her into sleep nonetheless.

Just before she drifted off, the haunting, melancholy notes of Sarek’s _ka_ _’athyra_ reached her through the open window. From what she could perceive of the arrangement, it was a very old piece of music. To her imagination it was a very sad melody, oddly punctuated by sensuous, almost erotic-sounding passages. It was not a typical Vulcan composition at all. She listened to it for quite awhile, seeking to understand its meaning, but she could not discern its secrets. Exhausted sleep finally claimed her thoughts.

Sarek played for a long time on an upper balcony illuminated only by the stars. He often found the _ka_ _’athyra_ meditative. Tonight the timeworn mating song, played in ancient times at the Fever’s onset, had called to him.

As a youth his curiosity had impelled him to search for music from Vulcan’s antiquity, even though such starkly emotional styles were frowned upon in modern times. Skon had found him once, plucking out the tones to this particular melody, undeniably a pre-Reform composition. Strangely, his father had not chastised him for it. Now, seeking comfort in it, Sarek understood what his father had known then, that knowledge of such music might be needed someday as a tool for finding temporary solace.

But unfortunately his bid to sublimate his increasing distress in the song proved unsuccessful. He found its notes brought him no greater calm.

Finally he gave up his attempt and retreated into meditation. _I must hold the Fever off. I must. I shall._

ooo

The starlight was still clear and bright on this T’Kuht-less night when Sarek’s awareness returned. He had slipped out of his meditative trance again, his discipline lapsed. He ground his jaw in frustration at this failure for a moment before the solution presented itself _._

_Amanda. I need her. She is mine._

The sleeping chamber was jet black, but he easily homed in on his mate’s familiar scent and the almost imperceptible sounds of her breathing. He slid down next to her, skimming his hands over her soft skin. Pulling her toward him, he buried his face at the base of her neck while his sensitive fingertips insistently sought hers. A low growl escaped his throat.

Amanda awoke sleepily but pleasantly surprised by Sarek’s unexpected presence. The heat of his body and the feel of his hands on her skin electrified her. He had not touched her this way since their hasty encounter under the palace, but his intent now was undeniably clear. Welcoming, she reached up to him. She missed him so…

Their fingers joined, then hands, their bodies brushing together.  He longed for her – needed her _now_.  He arched his body over hers for only an instant before he thrust forward vigorously, entering her with unaccustomed force. Amanda gasped in surprise. His brisk pace was startling and arousing, just short of painful, even – but she knew he never hurt her. She held on tight, clutching him while he continued his aggressive claiming of her body.

His climax coming fast, Sarek suddenly bent his head and bit her roughly, high on her neck.

_Mine!_

Amanda cried out at the sudden jolt and clutched him tighter, her nails digging into his back as her body shuddered hard in response. _Whoa_ , _what was that?_ she thought, surprised as much by the roughness of his action as the intensity of her own reaction. He pounded into her for several more long seconds until, with as loud hiss, he emptied himself inside her.

Just as suddenly, his body sagged onto hers, spent. He smoothed her damp hair away from her face and neck and with satisfaction ran his fingertips over his mark on her, before rolling to the side, pulling her to him.

_Mine_. 

In a few short moments he was asleep.

Amanda listened to Sarek’s slumberous breath with curiosity, herself spent and surprised. It had been fast and rough, and now he seemed to be out cold – _that isn_ _’t like him_. But perhaps it made sense with the stress of recent events, and she knew he hadn’t been sleeping well, either. Not that she was complaining now. This was a welcome break from the tension of the last few days. Yet… something didn’t seem right. Held tight in his hot embrace, she sighed, drained herself. _This has gone on long enough._ _We really need to talk in the morning._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ka’athyra – Vulcan harp
> 
> T’Kuht – Vulcan’s sister planet, which orbits in very close proximity to T’Khasi (Vulcan).


	47. Confusion and Realization

Sarek awoke as the dawn light filtered into the bedroom, his wife stirring beside him. Strangely, he did not remember completing his meditation, but he must have done so, for he was here now.

He was still attempting to resolve this mystery when Amanda’s eyes flickered open, interrupting his thoughts. “Good _morning_ ,” she murmured, giving him a curious look and slowly moving to sit up. “Ooh,” she groaned, grimacing, “I’m a bit sore in a few places after that performance of yours last night.”

To Amanda’s surprise he just looked at her, uncomprehending. 

Teasing now, she continued, “I know you fell asleep quickly, _Adun_ , but surely you haven’t forgotten this…” She titled her head to the side, letting her hair fall away to expose the still-raw bite on her neck and unable to stop from wincing slightly as she did so. “I’m going to have a heck of a time dermo-regenerating this one, you know.”

_I_ _’m going to get to the bottom of his odd behavior,_ she told herself. He’d certainly been passionate many times before with her, so that wasn’t really out of the ordinary. But his actions last night, and during the council session the day before, did seem overwrought coming from her normally cool and collected _adun_.

Sarek’s face remained frozen, stone-like, as his mind processed the data it was receiving. No recollection of finishing his meditation… obvious evidence of aggressive sexual behavior on his part instead… and no memory of his actions. He shielded his thoughts from Amanda, but he was horrified.

It was clear from the facts at hand that he was not fully in control of his faculties, and that he had behaved like an animal. The conclusion was inescapable.

_No!_  

He slowly raised his eyes to hers, relieved yet baffled that she was smiling at him. “I… regret your injury,” he began haltingly. “I beg forgiveness for my behavior. I will bring the dermal regenerator.” 

Now a more than a little confused herself, Amanda first sought to assuage him.

“ _Shhh_ , never mind. It’s just as easy if I see to it myself.” Then she forged ahead, determined. “But I do want to talk about what’s been going on. I’m concerned about you, Sarek. I know there have been an awful lot of… difficult situations lately. You know you can always tell me if there’s something wrong…”

His expression closed and she was shocked by the sudden anger in his voice.

“As I have already stated, there is nothing out of the ordinary,” he snapped. “You will cease questioning me!” His face a dark scowl, he leapt up, snatched his robe and stalked from the room.

Left alone in bed, Amanda fought back startled tears. _What just happened??_

ooo

Sarek dressed hastily and hiked rapidly out to the furthest part of the estate still within the fortress’ walls. He did not wish to face Amanda. He was not hungry, even though he had not eaten since his return, and he was greatly disturbed. It was not yet due to be his Time, but as much as he wished to deny them, the signs were unmistakable.  He had failed to fend off the onset of the Fires. Now he was uncertain that he could maintain his control in Amanda’s presence. 

_This is unacceptable_.

That his Time could arrive early had been a distinct possibility, and yet he had failed to prepare for it.

_Illogical_.

He had failed to confront the inevitable logical dilemma of bonding with a Human.

_Irrational_.

Instead he had only focused on an unsuccessful effort to delay the fever’s onslaught.

_Senseless_.

But perhaps there was no more logical way to resolve the situation. 

Grim now, he faced what was to come. The progression of events would soon become inexorable: the ancient drives would draw him to his bondmate as he instinctively sought to preserve his life. He would be insatiable. His body was young, strong, and for a fragile Human female, quite likely deadly. 

He took a deep, shuddering breath and stared up into the sky as if beseeching the heavens. _If I could act as I did, without recollection, if I could attack her so before the Fires are even fully upon me, what unspeakable harm will I visit on her when I have no control at all? Bonding with Amanda was a foolish, emotional decision_ _– and now she must bear the consequences most of all. K_ _’diwa_ - _-!_

His anguish rose up, and he struggled to contain it, his discipline in tatters. Indeed, the only action that made sense now was to continue to withstand the Fires.

_I must control!_

A renewed sense of purpose gave him the will to prevail over his unruly emotions. He had a plan. First, he would resist, try to fight down the fever, the madness, for as long as possible. Probability told him that the battle would ultimately be a fruitless one, but one which would win her time to arrange for and have her rights satisfied if she so chose. So she would not be trapped. And if she did not so choose, there were a few, small things he could do to at least ameliorate a bit the aftermath of the _koon-ut-kal_ _’i_ _’fee_. It was not nearly enough compensation, but it was what little he could do.

Marshalling his inner strength, his eyes sought the horizon, his family’s lands for generations, their place of _kun_ _’ut-kal_ _’i_ _’fee_ out of sight in the distance beyond. 

_I will retain my control, meditate through this. I will comport myself with honor. There is no alternative._

He settled onto his knees and began to turn inward.

ooo

Amanda searched fruitlessly for Sarek in the fortress.  None of the few staff she encountered had seen him anywhere on the grounds, and Amanda was frustrated. His flitter remained, so wherever he had gone he had done so on foot.  The estate was huge, though, and the terrain rough enough that creatures much larger than an adult Vulcan could easily conceal themselves.

Another oddity, there weren’t very many staff anywhere that she could ask. The few that she had seen earlier somehow vanished while she searched for Sarek. Finally, she encountered T’Areth, the fortress’ chief of staff, in the courtyard.

“T’Areth,” Amanda greeted the manager, “have you seen Sarek today?”

T’Areth drew up, eyeing Amanda like she’d asked a very odd question. “I have not, _T_ _’Sai_ ,” she answered cautiously.

“Well, he can’t just have disappeared,” Amanda muttered, frustrated. “Do you know if anyone else has seen him? Where is everyone, by the way?”

T’Areth paused, obviously trying to process the Human’s imagery. After a moment, she responded. “I am certain _S_ _’haile_ Sarek has not disappeared. I do not know if any one else has seen him, however. The staff have left for today, as is appropriate.” What several attendants had seen the night before had been undeniably clear. _Surely the T_ _’Sai noted the same signs, or indeed already knew through her marital bond, and knows to prepare accordingly?_ she thought.

Now Amanda was the one confused. “Why is leaving early appropriate today? I don’t mind, really, but I would appreciate some help locating Sarek.” _I_ _’m worried about him._ “He didn’t tell me where he was going.”

T’Areth’s brows knit in a poorly concealed expression of concern. “We are leaving to provide you with privacy,” she said, as if this should be obvious. At Amanda’s blank look, she lowered her voice and hesitantly asked, “Your bondmate does not… call to you?”

“No; that’s the problem,” Amanda replied, feeling a bit testy now and not understanding why she should need more privacy today versus any other day, nor why T’Areth would expect Sarek to have been calling for her when she’d been looking for him all morning without success. “Am I missing something here?”

T’Areth’s eyes widened. _The Human is unaware_. _The family must be notified_. Considering the available, acceptable options, the chief of staff opted for the most pointed statement she could make. “It is a private, family matter, _T_ _’Sai_. I suggest you search out your bondmate.”

“But that’s what I’ve been trying to do!” Amanda protested.

“That is the correct course of action, then.”

The Human’s exasperation grew, concerning T’Areth further. In all her years in service to the S’chn T’Gai, she had never encountered such a situation. Nevertheless, certain rules were clear.

“It is improper for me to speak of this further. I must depart now, _T_ _’Sai_.”

“But why --?” But Amanda was speaking to the attendant’s back as T’Areth resolutely marched toward the front gate. The young Human woman could not see the open look of worry on the elder Vulcan’s face as she contemplated whom she needed to contact next.

ooo

Amanda blew out a loud, frustrated sigh. She knew it was fruitless to try to gain information from a Vulcan who refused to speak about something, so it was pointless to pursue T’Areth. It looked like she’d have to find out from Sarek what was going on with the attendants. And what was going on with him – _why had he lost control so easily this morning?_ _Why do I feel so on edge?_

_Could the incident aboard the_ Surak _have affected him that severely? Why can_ _’t I reach him?_ If that’s was this was, his reaction to the raided mission, and to his own actions, seemed out of place. _Perhaps I just don_ _’t understand the seriousness of taking a life, even in self- defense._

_Or perhaps it_ was _something else. Maybe his actions have been abnormal, and his mind has been affected. He needs help. Is that what T_ _’Areth was alluding to?_

She could get her answers only after she found him, though. She toyed with the idea of contacting his office and asking them to activate his subdermal locator, but she hesitated. What was she going to say? _‘Sarek stormed out in a fit of anger and won_ _’t answer my calls; will you please find him for me?_ _’ No._ _I can_ _’t do that to him._  

An idea occurred to her: if none of the sentient bipeds on the estate could locate Sarek, perhaps a semi-sentient quadruped could, instead. 

“I-Chaya, good boy” she crooned when she summoned the massive animal.  I-Chaya wuffed and snuffled at her, sensing her disquiet and trying to discern the reason.  Amanda smiled wanly at the loyal pet. “I-Chaya, we need to find Master. Can you find Sarek?” The sehlat’s ears perked at the mention of Sarek’s name, and Amanda encouraged him.  “Yes, Sarek.  Go find Sarek, I-Chaya. Find Sarek and bring him home!”

The sehlat wuffed again and lumbered purposefully out toward the gardens. Amanda closed her eyes briefly, hoping that the sehlat could succeed where she and the staff had apparently failed. She would have to wait.

She was utterly exhausted, emotionally wrung out. His side of the bond closed off from her, and having no idea why he would simply leave the way he did, Amanda never felt so alone. Some part of her mind wondered at the intensity of what she was feeling, but she was too upset to process it further. She only wanted the protective shelter of her bondmate. Lacking him, she crawled instead into their bed, now cold and too large, and forlornly clutching his pillow to her chest, cried herself to sleep.

ooo

Sleep provided little respite, however. She knew that she was asleep and dreaming, but she could not turn away from the scene unfolding before her. She found herself standing in an unknown, featureless Vulcan facility where the walls and corridors faded into white mist. Suddenly Skon was standing before her, grim-faced and bidding her to follow him. As if pulled along by an invisible string she did, until they reached a set of white doors and Skon bid her to enter.

The room was yet another featureless space, yet she could not contain her rising sense of dread. The figure of T’Pau slowly coalesced out of the mist, her visage stark and disapproving. Next, Sered appeared, slowly pushing a cold, metal laboratory table toward her. The icy hand of fear gripped her throat when she saw the shape of a dead, shrouded body on the table. The table loomed closer and closer, seeming to float inexorably toward her until she saw the lifeless face – Sarek’s.

Amanda screamed, and Sered’s lip curled upward in a sneer.

Before she could run from this horror, the world shifted. Sarek’s body vanished, and she suddenly found herself staring down at her own instead, somehow broken beyond repair – also dead. She was hit by wave after wave of indescribable grief, unbearably painful. The grief was Sarek’s, she realized, and she was seeing her death through his eyes. 

It was a relief to wake up sobbing. Amanda gasped for breath, blinking in the afternoon light. The frightful, morbid nature of the dreams was beyond disturbing. _Is my mind somehow becoming affected, too?_ She had no desire for more sleep anytime soon. And Sarek had never been gone like this for so long without giving her any indication of where he might be going. Something was definitely very wrong, and she could not shake the headlong, powerful urge to go in search of her husband.

But where to go? Certainly not his office, not in the state he had been in. Even if she assumed he remained on the S’chn T’Gai lands, that still left hundreds of possibilities. As much as she wanted to get up and go somewhere to find him, Amanda forced herself to realize, logically, if she had insufficient information to locate him, then she should remain in place so that Sarek and I’Chaya could return to her. It would be counterproductive for them all to be out wandering. So she paced, and kept trying his comm instead.

ooo

The heat of the midday came and went and the shadows of late afternoon were lengthening before Sarek stirred from his trance.  A rock outcropping had sheltered him from the worst of A’lamak’s heat during the day but now the air was chilled in its shadow. Although his control had strengthened somewhat, his meditation had not been a restful one, having been disturbed with dreams he could not now remember and fits of surging emotion that appeared to have no source.

As he ruminated further on his unrest, a sound attracted his attention. He whirled toward it, nerves on alert, only to see I-Chaya scuffle into view on the rocks below him.

“I-Chaya, my old friend, have you come to find me?” Sarek asked the sehlat, and the animal looked up at him and whined. Sarek climbed down from his vantage point and stroked his pet’s head.  

“I should return,” he murmured absently, and then his hand tightened suddenly in I-Chaya’s fur as different thoughts abruptly captured his attention. 

_Yes, I should return_ _– must return_ _– to her. Return to her now. She is mine, and I need her._

His breath accelerated and his heart began to beat faster. There was only one thing he should be doing right now: seeking out his mate. 

Sarek struggled to clear his increasingly hormone-addled mind. To think with reason. But his only thoughts were for his _aduna_ , being with her, melding with her, mating with her…

_I must control!_

Surely his disciplines were equal to overcoming this.

_But the wanting is so great_ … He shuddered. _It is not want, but need_. …

Inwardly he groaned as his legs began carrying him of their own accord back to the fortress. The accursed madness was beginning. Before he knew it would become a surging avalanche of devastating aggression and insanity only satiable through physical gratification. A different madness from the amorous one that frequently overcame him in the presence of his wife, this one was even more unstoppable, and utterly uninterested in tenderness or protection.

Shivering, he focused again on silencing his side of the bond.  He could not entirely do so, for the rising fever prevented it, but he could at least stop himself from loudly transmitting his ever-more-emotional and unbalanced thoughts. _I must not call to her, must not draw her to me yet_.

He struggled to reassert his control.  He knew he could not be in Amanda’s presence and hope to maintain it, yet he could not stop himself from moving unerringly in her direction. 

He halted, bracing himself against a boulder. _This is wrong. There is duty, honor, and tradition to be satisfied. She must have her rights._ His jaw clenched.  Even as he knew in the sane part of his mind that she would never exercise that one particular right, he could not stop the wave of blood green rage that rose up in his vision at the very thought of it. 

Panting, he tried to think rationally again about what would happen, repeating the steps of his plan. He would resist the fever for as long as possible. If he could not overcome it, he would at least give her time to exercise the options available to her. And while resisting, he could also do what he could to make the ordeal slightly more tolerable for her if it indeed came to that. _To accomplish this last objective I must return to the fortress_. He was unsure whether this was truth or merely the rationalization of his feverish mind – but it no longer mattered. He had arrived.

Sarek reached the gardens and quickly slipped inside the fortress through a side door. Amazingly, he found no one in the kitchens (nor did he stop to consider why), and he reached their living quarters without encountering anyone else, to his intense relief. His errand was nearly completed when he arrived at their refresher, trying hard to ignore the evidence of his wife, her possessions, her _scent_ , everywhere… He was rapidly losing control in the face of an onslaught of sensory input.

He could not stop his feral thoughts; the amoral animal within was breaking through. _The need is great. Summon her now, and take her here! She is mine!_ Aghast, the conscious part of Sarek’s mind recoiled. _No!_

Fighting desperately for control, staring at Amanda’s water shower, Sarek was suddenly reminded of something she once had told him in passing, while explaining yet another Human idiom.  She had said that, as a way to deal with unwanted… urges, Human males would sometimes resort to dousing themselves with water – “taking a cold shower,” she had called it. He had paid little attention at the time, for it seemed far less effective than simply asserting the control of one’s mind over the body. 

At this moment, however, his mind was failing miserably. He considered the method, illogical and primitive though it was. In fact, he realized, focusing on the specifics of how to accomplish it as soon as possible was the only thing that was keeping him from single-mindedly tracking Amanda down. He hastily turned the shower on and stepped inside.

The water was only cool, not icy cold, but to Sarek’s sensibilities it was frigid. Instead of cooling his arousal, unfortunately, the shower only infuriated him again. The unpleasant feel of the water on his skin and the bitter temperature were irritating enough… and then he remembered the last time he had been in this shower with the water setting on. The water then had been warm, and its texture reinforced his feel of _her_ – so wet as he possessed her, up against the tiled wall, her moaning as he took her body and touched her mind… 

_No! Not yet!_

He shook his head violently, trying to clear it of the erotic vision.  Slamming blindly at the control, he finally managed to turn the water off. He braced his fists against the wall, drawing in ragged breaths. 

He thought he might just regain some composure when, to his utter dismay, he heard her voice.

“Sarek? Is that you?” Amanda called.

He could not control all of his reactions at once. Although he held himself from bolting out to seize her, he could not stop the enraged snarl from escaping his throat. He violently smashed his fists against the tiles in his acute frustration.

“Sarek?” came Amanda’s voice again, now concerned. “What’s happened?”

_I cannot face her like this._ _I_ must _not._ Sarek hurriedly yanked his robe back over his head and grabbed his things as he mapped his escape.

Amanda rounded the corner. “Sarek, what’s wrong? I’ve been looking for you everywhere – ” She stopped in amazement, taking in the bizarre sight of her husband, disheveled and hair dripping wet, knuckles bloodied, staring at her wide-eyed. He was clearly not all right.

“Sarek?” she asked again, quiet and worried, reaching a hand out to him as she stepped into the refresher.

She was still at least two meters away, but Sarek jumped back as if her touch would burn. _“No!_ _”_ he roared. “Do not touch me!” 

Amanda froze. She stared at him, shocked speechless.

After a tense moment, with effort, he gathered himself to speak with some semblance of control.  “I--I must leave here at this time,” he declared hoarsely, averting his gaze. “I will be in s-seclusion.”

“Sarek, how can I help? Tell me!” _Could this be -- ?_

Sarek shook his head violently, silencing her again. “No! You must not. Not now. I cannot… say any more!” He paused, stifling a shudder. Taking a deep breath, he risked looking directly at her.

“A-Amanda, regrets this-one you…” he began, his Standard butchered, and found he could not finish.  He tried again in Vulcan. _“Ni'droi'ik, Aduna_ _…_ Amanda…” he stumbled to a halt, staring at her bewilderedly.

She was shocked at his sudden loss of command of either language.

As if realizing the effort was hopeless, he growled in open frustration before he abruptly rushed past her and disappeared down the stairs, fleeing from her sight.

_I must meditate -- regain control_ _– ensure that she has time to exercise her rights. I must endure this. I must leave here!_

In reality he wished to rush back to her side, enfold her in his arms and beg her to help him relieve his need. But that would only free the monster inside him and leave her with no choice. _No!!_

“Sarek!” Amanda cried after him, to no avail. She had never seen such a look of unshielded anguish in his eyes – and didn’t think she’d ever forget it.

Barely a moment later she heard his flitter start and then scream away from the fortress at an alarming speed. She caught her breath as it sped away, and then sagged against the thick stone of the window frame, stunned. Somehow she knew she wouldn’t see him for the rest of the night.

She felt trapped. There was no one she could confide in without grievously violating her husband’s privacy. But what if respecting his privacy resulted in something terrible happening to him? Unable to think, she paced the house. _Why am I so upset?_

Amanda was startled to find herself in his closet, deeply inhaling the fragrance from one of his robes. _I miss his scent_ _…_ _and I want him._ Instantly she was filled with self-disgust. _Sarek is reacting very badly to a violent incident and all I want to do is jump him??_

“What is _wrong_ with me?!” she exclaimed to an empty house. _I need to find him, and find out what_ _’s going on._

Her mind suddenly faltered, re-thinking the meaning of T’Areth’s words. _Privacy. Family matter. Loss of control._ Then she recalled Sarek’s words from the night they bonded. _‘_ _What I must tell you now is something of which we do not speak_ _…’_ The pieces fell into place. It _was_ _pon farr_.

Amanda just stood for a moment, processing the strange events of the past weeks, and condemned herself for failing to see the inexorable pattern taking shape. _I_ _’ve failed to help him when he most needs me. Why didn_ _’t he tell me? And why is this happening now?_ she wondered _. Sarek_ _’s not due for another year, based on what he told me._

It would have been the logical course of action for him to inform her that this potentially fatal cycle was impending. _Why didn_ _’t he?_ Her nagging sense of intuition told her that something more was wrong than simply the impending cycle. _But what?_ _Of course_ _– T_ _’Alen would know! She could tell me. Why didn_ _’t I think to consult her earlier?_

Amanda immediately commed the healer at the embassy on Earth. She didn’t even think about what time it was there until the Vulcan woman appeared on-screen and it was obvious, even through her composure, that she had been asleep.

“T’Alen, I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed, embarrassed. “I didn’t realize the time,” she explained, flustered.

“It is of no consequence,” the healer deflected. “What concerns you, _T_ _’Sai_?”

“It’s probably nothing,” Amanda replied, again doubting whether she should be revealing Sarek’s strange behavior. “It’s just, well, it seems to me that Sarek has been becoming more and more… tense lately, and after he returned from his last diplomatic mission he’s even been… irritable, even angry, at times very suddenly…” Amanda cringed inwardly as she spoke but forced herself to follow through with the healer. “I was just wondering if it could be… his Time. But he hasn’t told me and it’s not due for a year and I’ve seen no evidence of any kind of madness. He probably just needs rest, or more meditation…”

She looked up as she trailed off and was stunned to see T’Alen staring back at her, practically wide-eyed for a Vulcan.

“I beg forgiveness, _T_ _’Sai_ ,” she said, her voice low but with an urgent undertone that made Amanda’s heart race. “For us, the expression of such emotion _is_ madness. I had thought the signs were universally recognizable. I have erred grievously. You require the matriarch immediately.”

_What?_ T’Alen’s response filled Amanda with dread. “Excuse me, Healer? What do you — ?” But, to her utter amazement, the screen went blank. The healer had cut the connection, leaving her anchorless and scared. _So, yes, it really is pon farr._ _And T_ _’Alen is worried_. She had hoped her guess was wrong.

Guilt flooded in. She closed her eyes. _I thought it would be much different. Still,_ _how did I miss this? I should have seen it and done something sooner_ _… Have I made it worse for Sarek?_ _What do I do now, with him in this state?_

_And what does the matriarch have to do with it?_  She cringed at the thought. _The last thing I need right now is to have to deal with Sarek_ _’s mother._

Light years away, T’Alen was already contacting T’Pau.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “regrets this-one you” – Syntax of the Vulcan language is verb-subject-object; the first person pronoun in Vuhlkansu, Nash-veh, translates as “this one.” Sarek is trying to say he regrets that she must experience his behavior.
> 
> Ni'droi'ik - First word in the prhase “Ni'droi'ik nar-tor,” which means, “I am sorry.”


	48. Preparations

Now multiple kilometers from D’H’Riset, Sarek succeeded in regaining a semblance of composure and slowed his hover car to a reasonable speed. Focusing on navigating the familiar route to his office in Shi’Kahr provided a bit more calm. He had duties to perform. _I will remain in control_. 

He swept into his office. His formidable demeanor bade no one to interfere.

ooo

T’Plana was a skilled craftsperson and structural engineer.  Her role, while not a particularly public one, was a unique and important combination of the ancient, the modern, and the life-saving. She was responsible for the attendants who maintained and readied the ancestral places of _koon-ut-kal_ _’i_ _’fee_ for the clans of Vulcan.

During her tenure she had dealt with many urgent and at times unusual requests, but the one she received that morning was utterly unexpected.  The call to prepare the grounds and ready the cave of consummation at the S’chn T’Gai marriage grounds was not unusual; it was a large, extended clan. 

That the one making the call was S’chn T’Gai Sarek himself, however, was.  Given the nature of her work, T’Plana almost never dealt with males in this regard; it was inevitably females -- matriarchs or mothers of those affected -- who made such arrangements. She presumed he must be contacting her on behalf of some niece or nephew for whom no suitable female relative was available, for he himself was too young to have a son of sufficient age.

It was his request for a structural modification to the _tauk t_ _’plathau_   – specifically, the addition of a particular water fixture – that gave her pause. All of her teams worked, by definition, on a rush basis, but this was something that would require more than the usual preparation.

She inclined her head respectfully. It was most certainly not her place to question, but she did have need of some information. “If you would send the required specifications for this _mashulayek_ - _masu_ , _S_ _’haile_ , we will begin work with all due haste.” She posed her query as delicately as possible. “How… immediate is the need?”

Unexpectedly, the ambassador returned her inquiry with one of his own.  “How much time do you require?” 

“One full day at most, _S_ _’haile_.”

Sarek visibly drew in a slow breath. “Then… one day shall be acceptable, _T_ _’Sai_.”

That was when T’Plana noticed the slight but visible strain on the face in her viewscreen. Her mind suddenly put the pieces together, and her control nearly failed her. A water shower… and she recalled the _kevet-dutar_ had taken a _Human_ bondmate… _S_ _’haile Sarek is asking on his_ own _behalf?_ It was unheard of – males on the verge of the Fires did not have the composure to even appear in public, let alone this.  She struggled not to show her amazement.

He was speaking again, his voice now a rasp of strained control.  “There will be… additional items… that I – that will be brought, with instructions… You will have the attendants handle them as directed.”

“Yes, _S_ _’haile_. It shall be done. What else do -- does the family require?”

“That is all,” he answered shortly. “Live long and prosper, _T_ _’Sai_.”  He reached to cut the connection, and she could not help but see the telltale tremor in his hand. 

Pushing her shock aside, T’Plana commed her technicians at once.  They had an urgent deadline not only to meet, but to beat. She did not know if a Human could withstand the Fires, but she would not allow delay on her part to cause the needless loss of life.

ooo

Sarek tried unsuccessfully to calm his shaking hand after withdrawing it from the comm’s control. In a burst of frustrated rage, he caught the trembling extremity with his other hand and slammed them both down hard against his desk. The pain cleared his mind a bit, and he looked down dully at the fine, radiating cracks extending outward on the desk’s surface from where his fists had landed.

_I am in control_. Even he knew he had limited time, however. He stood, gathering himself to face the outside world. He had one remaining errand to perform.

ooo

Not long after, Sarek stepped from his hover-car onto to the venerable, volcanic sands of the last place he expected to find himself alone, without his bondmate. Acrid, volcanic wind blew across the S’chn T’Gai ancestral place of _koon-ut-kal_ _’i'fee_ where he now stood.

Rather than walk from the traditional entranceway, he had flown his vehicle right up to the edge of the round combat arena, navigating fumaroles and the narrow rock bridgeway that separated the shrine from the rest of his family’s lands. Not out of lack of respect, but out of concern for the encroaching flames in his mind. He could only remain a short while. There were too many sensory triggers in the sights, sounds and smells of this place that could cause him to lose control for the final time.

_Must leave here, find her, take her_ _…_

With effort he pushed the drumbeat of thoughts away. For his visit had a vital purpose. He took the small carryall he had brought from the flitter and fingered the PADD with the instructions he was going to leave. He sighed. _The ritual attendants will no doubt conclude I have already lost my mind,_ he thought. At this moment, though, he did not care. This was the very least he could do for Amanda, to bring her some small comfort at a time when she would have none. He closed his eyes. _It is a leap of logic to assume she will even survive to see them. Our bodies are too different, the insanity of the Time too great_ _…_

His grip tightened with crushing force around the carry-all’s handle as his fury rose. _It is because of_ me _that her life is threatened. This is wrong!_ _Both logic and honor dictate I end my life now to protect her from me._

He took a deep breath, assessing his options.

_No -- it is too late. Even that will do her grievous harm._ _Because I was too weak to resist my desire, my emotions, for her, I selfishly bonded with her, brought her to this impossible situation. If I truly regarded her,_ honored _her, I should have protected her from the violence of my Vulcan need. There was no logic to my actions._

His arm jerked up as if to dash the bag on the rocks, but he stopped himself in mid-swing. _I am nothing but irrational,_ he thought in disgust.

Sarek took another deep, anguished breath, awash in remorse. But his body shuddered, a telltale reminder of its ever-increasing need. _She can choose the Challenge to escape this,_ he told himself.

He set the bag down with a trembling hand and scanned the arena. _But I need her_ _…_ He found his breath coming fast, and knew that he would not be able to stop himself from fighting for her if she did choose to challenge. He could only hope he would have the sense to free her if he prevailed.

He could only hope that his own, illogical emotions would enable him to behave with reason in the Fires, as irrational as that thought was. He shook his head before turning to leave, resolute and resigned. It was time to seclude himself.

_Taluhk nashvesh k’dular, Amanda._ _Ni'droi'ik nar-tor._   _I cherish thee, Amanda. Forgive me._

           ooo

The call, when it came, confirmed T’Pau’s worst concerns about Sarek’s bonding with a Human. The servant from D’H’Riset had been mortified almost beyond control, hesitant to disturb the matriarch with such an unlikely possibility.  But T’Pau had been neither surprised nor skeptical that the Human could be so unaware, only grim. 

When the healer from the embassy on Terra commed her almost immediately after, the matriarch formed a more complete picture of the situation. So Amanda had only belatedly recognized the signs of _pon farr_ in her bondmate. That could be corrected, assuming the Human could accept what she learned.  _But where is my son?_

T’Pau focused deep within herself, once again tapping that aging link, the maternal bond to her eldest son. She did not know what she would find.

Stretching herself telepathically, she reached out to find him and alert him to her arrival. _//I am coming. Prepare thyself.//_

_//Leave me.//_

His unwelcoming reactiononly spurred her forward _._

She departed immediately, dispensing with attendants and guards. _This must be a private meeting._ She felt Skon probing their bond, sensing her distress, but she shielded, telling him only _//You soon will have duties to attend.//_   He would know of what she spoke. And she could not be distracted. She had matriarchal duties now.

T’Pau found her son in the desert, at a favorite boyhood meditation spot high in the arid mountains. Although she had never set foot there herself, she recognized the location, having seen it in thoughts Sarek had shared many years ago. She knew the panorama afforded by the soaring overlook appealed to her son as a place for deep contemplation.

It did not take her long to find him, a hunched form amongst the red rocks near the edge of the cliffs, framed by the flaming sunset. She approached him slowly, making sure he was well aware of her presence before she got too close. Startling a _pon farr_ male was a most unwise maneuver.

Sarek did not react at T’Pau’s arrival, but he observed with obvious suspicion every step of her approach.  When she got within ten meters of his position, his steely eyes met hers. He stood.

“I believe I made my preference known regarding your attendance here. I do not require assistance.”

T’Pau’s rebuke was calm but swift. “Know thy place, Sarek. I decide whether it is necessary to attend thee. I see that my decision is validated. Why art thou here, and not awaiting thy bondmate for the _koon-ut-kal_ _’i_ _’fee_?”

Sarek remained stubbornly silent.

“Why hast thou not told her, not called to her?” T’Pau pressed. “Thee will answer me, now.”

Sarek’s eyes flashed briefly in umbrage at the order, but just as abruptly he bowed his head, as if the matriarch’s question forced him to confront painful thoughts he had thus far been able to avoid. His voice low, Sarek responded, “I do not wish her to see… my shame.” He looked away.

As matriarch, T’Pau had previously seen such examples of male irrationality at this time. As mother, she ached for the agony her son was experiencing, the unavoidable, biological distress only being magnified by his self-inflicted pain.

  _Often it is this way – and yet my son has chosen a more difficult path than most._ The Human, not matter how much she had been instructed by the healer, would not fully understand this deeply private experience at the heart of Vulcan. Sarek had no assurance of what to expect from his bondmate.

“It is time, Sarek.  You must summon her to the _koon-ut- kal_ _’i_ _’fee_.”

“No.”

“You do not want the Human?” The matriarch queried, her mind rapidly sorting through contingency plans. Another could certainly be provided, even on this short notice. The discreet inquiries she had made months ago in search of a possible substitute, if needed, had yielded a number of willing candidates.

She did not expect his answer.

The anguished expression that flashed across Sarek's face was the first visible break in his control before her. His voice rough with only partially suppressed emotion, he faced her, oddly both defiant and resigned.

“No, you misconstrue.  She must have her rights.  She must be allowed time to prepare if she wishes to… contest.”

Alarmed, T’Pau asked, “And what if she refuses you?”

“Then I will die,” he informed her, unflinching. “But I must ensure her safety; it is my duty. She is mine.” He slowly clenched his fists.

“And if she accepts?” The matriarch chose her words carefully, not wanting to engender a reaction that would cause his frail control to shatter.

Sarek’s eyes darkened and his respiration visibly quickened. “Then… we will be joined.”

His reaction confirmed what the maternal bond suggested. He was definitely well into _pon farr_ , and the Fever’s progression was accelerating. However, he was not yet in _plak tow_ , the final stage or blood fever, where such self-sacrificing logic would have no place.

“You must go now, Sarek, before the Fever grows worse,” she urged.

_“No._ _”_

For a moment, T’Pau allowed the unheard-of refusal of her command because it was obvious Sarek was not himself, and certainly was not thinking logically. She considered briefly that their ancestors had established the tradition of female clan and planetary leaders with good reason. Their males would defend them to the death, and no female would be overcome by such irrationality.

The matriarch of all Vulcan steeled herself to logic. She feared greatly for her son’s life, but it was also her duty to ensure that his bondmate was allowed her rights, which included the _kal_ _’i_ _’fee_. Personal concerns could not take precedence.

Contemplating what T’Alen had told her, it was also evident to T’Pau that she had an additional duty. She would need to act in the place of Amanda’s eldest female relative, since the Human had none, and thus had no one to help her prepare. It was the logical thing to do.

She looked down in pity at her son, at this moment reduced to a mass of anguished, inconsistent emotion. And inexorably growing, unstoppable need.

“You will come because you must,” she murmured, more to herself than to him, knowing that he would be drawn inescapably to the mating grounds. She silently, illogically, wished for his sake – and the Human’s -- that he could resist what was to come. But she knew it was impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Challenge, The – “Kal’i’fee” in Vulcan, the right of the female bondmate at the time of marriage to declare that her bondmate must fight for her in a fight to the death. She is allowed to choose her champion, an opposing male. However, she becomes the property of the victor unless he chooses to free her.
> 
> koon-ut- kal’i’fee, place of – place of marriage or challenge
> 
> mashulayek-masu – water shower
> 
> “Taluhk nashvesh k’dular” – “I cherish thee”
> 
> tauk t’plathau - cave of consummation


	49. "Those very few who have been involved"

After trying unsuccessfully to reach Sarek on his comm countless times, Amanda tossed hers aside in disgust. _This is getting us nowhere_.

Frustrated, she berated herself again for failing to see the signs of Sarek’s impending _pon farr_. True, with the events on Syldra and with Sered and his aides, and the fact that she’d seen Sarek’s control challenged by threats to her safety, it had been reasonable to attribute the lapses in his discipline to that. Add the stress of the High Council events, and it became easy.

It was also true that she had incomplete information. The memories of Sarek’s first _pon farr_ that he had shared with her were fragmented at best, and both his thoughts and T’Alen’s only concerned the actual _kun-ut-kal_ _’i_ _’fee_ and its aftermath. _I guess everyone thought the signs leading up to it were so obvious that I_ _’d recognize them, too. It_ _’s funny the things that trip us up. Here I thought I was such an expert on Vulcan culture, and I missed this! Of course, if_ pon farr _were a Human condition, there would be information everywhere and public service announcements about it. Not here._

Her temper frayed at her own thoughts. _That_ _’s no excuse! I need to_ do _something! Sarek is out there, in danger; I need to reach him. There_ _’s supposed to be a ceremony, but to hell with that. I need to help him_ now _._

She reconsidered the wisdom of remaining at the fortress. It was now after dark, but the potential danger didn’t concern her. She _needed_ to go in search of him.

_Wait, Amanda. Be rational._ She forced herself to think.

_I_ _’ll search for him in one of the flitters. But first, I_ _’ll call his office and have them activate his locator. I don_ _’t care if the reason is_ _‘unspeakable;_ _’ I_ _’ll make something up if I have to. He_ _’s in danger!_ Determined _,_ Amanda reached for her comm.

She was greatly relieved at that moment to hear an aircar land out by the hangar. She dropped her comm and rushed to the door to greet him.

Instead, Amanda was shocked to be confronted by four of T’Pau’s ceremonial guards, two attendants – and the matriarch herself.  

“Matriarch!” she exclaimed, her composure vanquished by a sudden stab of fear – _Something has happened to Sarek!_

Wordlessly T’Pau stepped inside, the guards remaining at the door.  Hastily mumbling the traditional words of greeting, Amanda bid the matriarch to enter further, the attendants hovering silently in the background. 

After a pace, the older woman fixed Amanda with her stare and summarily announced, “Thee must prepare thyself. It is thy bondmate’s Time.”

Both relief that no accident had befallen her husband and worry warred on Amanda’s face. T’Pau tilted her head, watching the curious display, before Amanda blurted, “I thought so!  But where is he? And Sarek said he wasn’t due for another year!”

T’Pau’s brows peaked slowly in a manner that looked distinctly as if the matriarch of all Vulcan had just rolled her eyes. “An overestimation. Vulcan males, especially the ones with whom I am acquainted _,_ it seems, are somewhat predictable in this respect. Nevertheless,” she concluded, “it is now. He is in seclusion.” 

Still confused, Amanda asked, “How do you know?”

“Thy healer at the embassy on Terra alerted me to the situation.”

“T’Alen called you – but why?”

“Dost thou find my counsel inadequate, T’Amanda?”

“What? No, Matriarch! I just don’t understand – ”

T’Pau’s voice softened ever so slightly. The Human before her looked lost. “At this time, it is typically the mother or another female relative of the female bondmate who provides guidance. Since thee lacks one with suitable knowledge from thine own clan, I am here.”

“Oh.”

The Vulcan elder scrutinized the Human before her, bidding her to sit.  “Tell me what thou hast experienced. Thou hast dreamt of thy bondmate?”

Amanda looked up, eyes widening. “Why, yes – but they were more like nightmares. They had nothing to do with, with –” she stopped, her face flushed and confused. “I mean, I doubt they were metaphorical. Sarek isn’t repressed about –”

“Indeed not,” T’Pau readily agreed, eliciting a sudden double-take from Amanda.

The matriarch ignored the Human’s embarrassed look. “ _T_ _’Sai_ , the great difficulty experienced by the Vulcan male in _pon farr_ is not due as much to the mating drive itself as it is due to the loss of control the drive engenders.

“Such dreams are often how the Time begins,” T’Pau continued solemnly, and Amanda had the sense that she was speaking now less as a clan matriarch and more as someone with personal experience. “The Fires are a time of great stress for the male, both physical and… emotional. These stresses may manifest themselves in a variety of ways for the bondmate as well.”

Amanda closed her eyes, re-reflecting on the recent, odd events with Sarek, and damned herself again for her blindness.

Meanwhile, her mother-in-law eyed with concern her apparent hesitation. “Sarek has entrusted his life to thee. If thou fails him, he will die.”

Amanda’s eyes snapped back open to glare at T’Pau. “I _know_ that! I am _not_ going to fail him! How dare you simply assume that I will!” Her anger surged, all the fear and tension of the past several hours suddenly condensed into fury and laser-focused at the only available target.

T’Pau merely blinked, utterly impassive, and watched as Amanda’s eyes widened in shock at her own outburst, her hands flying to her mouth.

“I beg forgiveness, _Pid-kom_!” the young woman exclaimed. 

The elder studied Amanda, considering. The Human was broadcasting a flurry of intense emotions – T’Pau briefly wondered how these beings did not simply burn themselves out from constantly allowing their emotions to overrun them – but underneath all of them was a constant thrum of thought focused solely on Sarek and the desire to see him safe. _Perhaps I have underestimated this one_. 

In any case, it was highly likely that Sarek would reject any female other than his bondmate at this point. The Human was her son’s only chance. Inwardly, T’Pau softened a bit.

Amanda apologized again, now just sounding forlorn. “I’m sorry, Matriarch. Sarek needs my help. I just don’t know what to do. What _do_ I do now?”

“Thee will prepare thyself, with our assistance. There is first the marriage _van-kal,_ and then thee will remain at the place of _koon-ut-kal_ _’i_ _’fee_ for several days.”

Surprised, Amanda asked, “Can’t we just come back here after the ceremony?”

T’Pau matter-of-factly informed the Human, “Regard the facts logically, T’Amanda. Thy husband will be in the grip of a potentially violent fever; his only interest will be in mating. Attempting to persuade him to delay for any reason, even to return here, would only have unfortunate results.”

“Oh. I see your point…”

“If thou has any essential personal effects to bring, thy attendants will take them to the _koon-ut-plathau_.” The two attendants stepped forward, one carrying an ornately decorated box. “These are thy ceremonial attendants,” T’Pau continued. “They bring thy wedding dress, and will assist thee in dressing now.”

Amanda nodded numbly as she wondered for a moment just who would name anyplace “the place of consummation,” and then she remembered the caves from T’Alen’s thoughts. _Minutes after our marriage ceremony, I_ _’m supposed to sequester myself in a cave with my husband for several days of non-stop sex._

Oddly, this thought wasn’t as strange as she expected it to be. In fact, part of her mind found the idea somewhat… tantalizing. This was the part of her mind that was increasingly interested in sex with her husband as soon as possible. _Is the_ pon farr _affecting me through our bond?_ She shivered with the sensations she felt coursing through her body. Images of Sarek flooded her mind. _His powerful presence, his electric touch, his magnificent body, on hers, in hers_ _…_

Amanda drew in a shuddering breath, and T’Pau looked sharply at her. “Are thee well, T’Amanda?”

At that instant Amanda realized that she had not been shielding her thoughts at all. Indeed, in the stress of the last several hours she had completely forgotten to employ any of the techniques Sarek had taught her. She flushed, thoroughly embarrassed, wondering how many of her thoughts she had inadvertently broadcast to T’Pau.

T’Pau returned her gaze expressionlessly as always, but when she spoke her tone was the driest Amanda had ever heard. “Child, I am doing my best _not_ to receive your thoughts, for the sake of both of us.” She waved a hand at the mortified Human. “Dress quickly. We must see the healers.”

ooo

They were in T’Pau’s large aircar and racing toward Shi’Kahr in the dim predawn light before it even occurred to Amanda to wonder why they were going to the healers. She had been preoccupied by the strange thoughts racing through her head. Mostly, she just wanted to get to Sarek.

The silvery dress she wore was simple but beautiful, its fabric fragile. She wore nothing underneath it. Amanda had been embarrassed at first; the thin dress was somewhat revealing under close inspection, but the attendants had been firm. “Nothing must interfere,” they had cryptically enjoined. 

Her hair was styled in an elaborate updo, different from any she had seen, a fragile pendant engraved with the S’chn T’Gai clan sigils woven into it. Her attendants had done her makeup for her, applying it expertly in Vulcan style. The face that stared back at her from the mirror appeared foreign to her. She was indeed a stranger in a strange land, about to engage in a millennially old, alien mating ritual.

Now, having arrived at the _Shi'Oren t'Ek'Tallar_ , she was about to ask T’Pau why they were stopping here, but the matriarch was out of the hover car and striding briskly into the building before Amanda could even form the words. _Let_ _’s just get going,_ she thought, somewhat irritably. Then her thoughts returned to Sarek.

T’Pau swept into Sorel and Corrigan’s office, startling the Human doctor. Daniel gaped at the sudden appearance of Vulcan’s planetary sovereign in his office, followed by the entourage that silently streamed in behind her. He had been summoned to his office at this early hour by an official, but he had no idea the order had first come from T’Pau.

“Er,” was all he managed to get out before he was stunned again, this time by Amanda’s arrival.

“Amanda?” His patient wore a strange, Vulcan-style dress of a kind he had not seen before, one clearly for some type of special occasion.

Amanda stood at T’Pau’s side, apparently quite distracted from the matters at hand. Before Corrigan could ask her another question, T’Pau launched her own barrage. “I require a thorough report on this Human’s condition.”

“All right,” Corrigan began slowly, wondering what this was about. “I’ll first need Dr. Grayson’s permission to give you that, and then I’ll have to run some scans, depending on what you want to know.”

T’Pau frowned. Vulcan healing methods were much more efficient. “How much time does your Human process require?” she asked, skeptical. “We do not have much.”

Amanda looked over. “It’s okay, Daniel,” she said. “Scan away.” Then her eyes went distant again.

Eyeing his patient quizzically, Corrigan began a series of routine health scans. Perplexed by the matriarch’s cryptic comment, he was about to ask for clarification when his partner entered the office.

Sorel silently assessed the situation while T’Pau continued to interrogate his colleague.

“Are _T_ _’_ _Sai_ Amanda’s bio-readings within the norms for her species? Has she physically recovered from all aspects of her recent _k’kan’es-vravshaya_?”

Dimly, Amanda noticed T’Pau’s long, very specific list of questions for the healers; it was evident the matriarch had thought about this event in detail. She hugged her sides, uncaring; her thoughts were drawn only to Sarek.

“What are her current bone density and lung capacity measures? How well has her body acclimated to Vulcan, and how do her capabilities compare to Vulcan physiological norms?”

Corrigan attempted to field these questions solo while noting that Sorel was providing a growing number and type of medical supplies without comment to one of T’Pau’s attendants at the back of the room.

“What are the Human’s nutrition and hydration requirements for periods of prolonged exertion over two to seven days?”

_Is Amanda going on some sort of extreme desert trek?_ Corrigan wondered. _Doubtful in that outfit_ _…_

Still scanning Amanda, Corrigan’s eyes widened as his colleague added a heavy-duty dermal regenerator to the growing pile of supplies. At that moment, T’Pau asked her most important question. 

“Is this female in sufficient physical and mental condition to withstand multiple days of sustained, rigorous, sexual activity with a mature Vulcan male?”

“What the hell?!” Corrigan shouted, dropping the sensor he was holding. It clattered to the floor amidst the sudden silence. 

T’Pau regarded him silently, unflappable but curious, wondering what the reason could be for this Human’s peculiar outburst. 

Exasperated and worried, Corrigan explained himself. “With all due respect, Matriarch, I’m very concerned by the questions you are asking. It sounds to me like something potentially – and I mean no offense, but – something potentially very dangerous is being contemplated here.”

T’Pau merely stared back at him.

He straightened up authoritatively. “I don’t understand what’s going on, but I’m not signing off on anything until I do. Dr. Grayson is my patient and I am responsible for her.” He locked gazes with Vulcan’s planetary leader, silently wondering if he was going to find himself deported or worse for his words.

T’Pau raised a venerable brow, almost bemused by the Human’s belligerent stance. “Thee have not the understanding. All is as it must be,” she told him, simultaneously unyielding and dismissive. Then she focused on Sorel. 

The healer had been unnaturally quiet during the matriarch’s entire bizarre interrogation as he silently provisioned the store of healing supplies to T’Pau’s attendants. Corrigan had thought his silence was due to shared confusion about the situation or simply out of deference to the leader, but now he realized his colleague understood perfectly well what was happening and yet was strangely unwilling to add to the discussion. 

T’Pau now demanded Sorel’s attention. “ _Hakausu_ Sorel. You are the healer. Explain to the Human.” With that she swept out of the room to confer with her attendants.

The look on Sorel’s face was tragic. He would not meet Corrigan’s eyes. Slowly, after a long pause and clearly forcing himself, he reluctantly murmured, “It… is her bondmate’s… _Time_.”

Corrigan’s brows knitted, trying to understand. “Time? Time for what?”

An even more pained expression on his face, the Vulcan healer could only whisper, his eyes glued to the floor. “It is their… Time… of mating.”

Corrigan’s eyes widened, at first mystified and then amazed as he slowly put the pieces together. “It’s a Vulcan… cycle?” he asked for confirmation, but Sorel resolutely kept his eyes pinned on the floor. 

_Okay_ _…_ the doctor thought. Now very concerned for his patient and what she was possibly about to experience, he stepped toward her, scanner again in hand.

Amanda had stood distantly throughout this entire exchange, completely preoccupied.

“Amanda,” Corrigan started, his voice low and concerned. “Are you sure you’re all right?  Are you okay with this?  Do you understand what’s happening?”

“What…?” she replied, only partially attentive. “Yes, I know what’s happening; at least I think I do. And I’m fine. At least… fine enough. I wouldn’t know any more, really.” She turned to him abruptly. “What I am wondering is why I’m here.” She turned again and began pacing anxiously back in forth in the doctors’ office as though the very walls were holding her prisoner.

Corrigan doggedly followed and began scanning the agitated young woman again. Something – _alien?_ – was clearly affecting her; she was not her normal self. Her body was reacting as though large amounts of adrenaline or a similar substance were circulating in her system, although he could detect no actual chemical surge as confirming evidence. _Where are these effects coming from? From her Vulcan husband? How?_

“Did you know about this, this cycle, before? Did you consent to be a part of it? What can you tell me?” Daniel queried, hoping to elicit any sort of useful information. His patient didn’t reply, so he tried a different tack. “As far as I know, no Human has ever been through this. We don’t even know what effects this will have on you – uh, beyond the obvious, that is… I’m sorry, Amanda, I —” the doctor stumbled, embarrassed, but Amanda failed to notice when she suddenly spun toward him again.

“He needs me. You can scan all you’d like, Doctor, until I get to the door.  I can’t wait any longer! I need to go to him. Where is T’Pau?” 

Astonished, Corrigan watched her stalk away.

He turned back to his colleague. “Sorel, I don’t like this. Amanda is healthy, but she doesn’t have Vulcan strength or stamina, and to my knowledge at least, no Human has been involved in this before. Can’t we delay this for awhile to get a better idea of her risks?”

The Vulcan regarded him gravely. “It is most certainly past time for that. To attempt any delay now of what must transpire will only result in violence… and death.”

Corrigan’s eyes widened again at this unexpected prognosis. Somberly, he asked, “Is there anything we can do?”

“Only what we have just done.”

The Human shook his head. Dissatisfied, he probed further. “Does she have any choice in this?”

Sorel practically winced before turning away. “Yes,” he acknowledged, and Daniel was relieved. But his next question died on his lips when Sorel preempted him. “I cannot explain.”

Still seeking clarification, the doctor tried another line of questioning. “The violence… What percentage of the Vulcan population is affected by that?”

Sorel again refused to meet his gaze. “All of us,” he whispered.

Taken aback, Daniel silently wondered. The fact that he and Sorel had had extensive discussions with the ambassador and his wife about enabling a pregnancy for them without this aspect of the Vulcan reproductive process coming up at all was astounding to him. As was his partner and friend’s obvious and profound difficulty discussing it. Then another thought occurred to him. Given that this was his field, he couldn’t resist asking.

“So, last summer when you took that sudden two weeks off, was that…?”

Now thoroughly humiliated, Sorel could only close his eyes.

_Wow_ , Daniel thought, instantly regretting his question. “I’m sorry, Sorel. We’re reproductive biologists, though. Why is this so difficult to…?”

The healer drew back uncomfortably before meeting the Human’s eyes, this time almost defiantly. “No Vulcan reveals this. It is a private thing. It is simply not discussed.”

Now it was the doctor’s turn to be embarrassed, realizing he’d violated what was evidently a rigid societal taboo. “Oh. Er, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I apologize, Sorel.”

“I must meditate,” Sorel declared. He glanced at his colleague and friend. “It is -- what is your Human phrase? – ‘not regarding your person…’?”

“Oh – ‘nothing personal,’” a dazed Corrigan automatically supplied.

“Yes. It is thus.”

At that and with great relief, Sorel departed to re-collect himself.

Corrigan was left in the office alone, stunned at what had just transpired. It was perhaps the most surprising biological discovery of his lifetime, and yet clearly, he could share it with no one. 

Of more concern, he worried about Amanda.  He hoped he would see her again – alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k’kan’es-vravshaya – pregnancy failure (miscarriage)
> 
> van-kal – ceremony


	50. Summoned

While the two doctors conferred amongst themselves, Amanda sought out T’Pau. “We should go, now,” she said, her impatience flaring to anxious urgency.

“Not yet,” the matriarch informed her. “We wait for thy bondmate to depart for the ceremonial grounds.”

Confusion reigned again for Amanda. _That_ _’s where I thought he was already._ “Where is he?”

“He is in seclusion.”

“Still? Why?”

“He meditates there until thee is ready, and have arranged thy affairs, so that thee may have thy rights.”

“‘My rights?’” Amanda repeated, confused.

“At this time, the female has the right to accept her bondmate in marriage or to choose a champion to fight for her freedom,” T’Pau responded, as if educating a Vulcan child on the subject.

Amanda’s head swam for a moment in bewilderment. She remembered, _kal_ _’i_ _’fee, a fight to the death_ … _and the absurd idea that I might want to divorce him_. She shook her head violently.

  “He’s delayed this now… because he thinks I might want to invoke the _Challenge_ against him?” Her voice rose in disbelief. “No!”

“Thee must have thy rights,” the matriarch repeated, toneless. “As matriarch I must advise thee of both options. Both are acceptable.”

“ _‘_ _Acceptable?_ _’”_ Amanda cried. “How can you say that about your own son?!”

T’Pau’s gaze was solemn. “I am a mother, yes, but also _pid-kom_. It is my duty to serve all.”

Amanda turned her face away, unsuccessfully hiding the tears she was trying hard to blink away. She felt a disconcerting, rising sense of panic. _I need to get to him_ _… He_ _’s in danger!_  

“Oh, what a nightmare,” she whispered, despair in her voice as she thought of Sarek, deep in pain and at risk for his life over some misguided notion of honoring her. In frustration, she bit her lip so hard it nearly bled.

The elder Vulcan’s eyes snapped to hers with a piercing glare.  “Thou art afraid, Human?” she demanded, eyes boring into Amanda’s.

“Of course I am!” Amanda replied, exasperated. But when she saw the shadow of emotion – _alarm? disgust?_ – flicker across the elder’s face, she realized with a knife-like stab that she had misinterpreted the question. 

“T’Pau,” she said sharply, not caring how she was addressing the matriarch of all Vulcan, “I’m not afraid for myself, if that’s what you’re asking.  Sarek could _die_!  And here I am, not with him. I should go to him right now!  Forgive me, but _this_ is madness!” Amanda blew out a frustrated breath as she agitatedly started to pace again, angry at the whole situation and not caring that it showed.

T’Pau stood back for a moment, studying the distraught Human female before her. Amanda’s rampant emotions battered the matriarch’s shields.  She could sense through the chaos that it was true, the Human was not afraid for herself; rather she was deeply concerned for her bondmate. She also sensed a familiar, building pattern in the roiling emotions that threatened to boil out of control.

“Does thee _burn_ , child?” the matriarch asked, and although she refused to let her amazement show, she was incredulous.

Amanda waved her arms. “How the hell would I know?! Goddammit! What are we _doing_ here?? This is insanity,” Amanda snapped, overcome with anger again before her face transformed again into despair and more frustration.  “I just want…” Her voice trailed off, but it was obvious what – and whom -- Amanda wanted. 

T’Pau did not react to the barrage of Human expletives, only commenting, “I see that thee does.” She made a swift decision.

“It is time, then. Let us go.”

Her great concern remained for their survival – both of them. In spite of this, though, the _pid-kom_ felt slightly reassured by the strength of what Amanda projected. _Sarek should have his bondmate._ _If she remains constant in this regard, even once she experiences the Fires, my son may just survive._ At this point, the Human offered a greater chance for him than the surrogates, whom Sarek could still reject even in the heat of _plak tow_.

“Thy bond is indeed strong,” T’Pau murmured.

Her voice tart, Amanda retorted, “And I love him, too, you know.”

T’Pau only flicked a brow.

ooo

 _I_ _… am_ _… in_ _… control_ _…_

A long, shuddering breath. And then another. They should be cleansing, mind clearing, but they fail. A growl of frustration.

Sarek abruptly leapt up from his meditative position and began to pace agitatedly. He could no longer find calm.

He paced in the bright morning sun, yet his body was chilled to the bone, wracked with shivers.  When his eyes sought out the horizon, he could no longer summon tranquil thoughts. Instead, in his mind’s eye he could only see the place of _koon-ut-kal_ _’i_ _’fee_. He was drawn to it. He found his pacing steps turning toward his hover-car.

_I must go -- No! Not yet._

He resisted, even through the increasing bodily pain and the mounting, untamable anxiety. The physical and, yes, emotional aching were becoming more and more difficult to withstand.

He needed to be one with another – but only _one_ other, _her_. His mate. He needed her touch, and hers alone.

He wanted to call to her, summon her, even more than he wanted his feet to move, yet still he fought down the impulse with every bit of energy he could muster.

But the Fever burned, scorching his body and licking at the door to his mind. He had forced himself to wait far too long; the hormonal imbalances of the Fires had become too great to withstand. It was impossible to fight on all fronts at once.

The Fever raged, and sentient reasoning vaporized. The pull toward the mating grounds became irresistible.

 _Live_.

One battle lost, his brain succumbed to his body’s demand. Without another conscious thought, he went to his flitter. It was Time.


	51. Chapter 51

Amanda followed her attendants’ lead as she walked up the rocky pathway to the S’chn T’Gai ceremonial grounds, surrounded by the female’s contingent of the wedding party and accompanied by the continuous tinkling of ceremonial bells. A hot wind blew down from the higher mountains. For once she noticed neither the heat nor the thin air; her thoughts were only on Sarek. They were somewhere in the high L-langon foothills, at the edge of the family’s lands.

They reached the top of a steep rise and all of a sudden she could see it for the first time, across a narrow rock bridge over a deep chasm. It did look like an arena, she thought nervously. A large, circular area ringed with tall stones, it reminded her vaguely of Stonehenge, but the place was undeniably alien. There was an obvious main entry point to the circle, and in the middle a tall stone column hung with a traditional gong, a firepit at its base. Of all the places Sarek had shown her on Vulcan and on his family’s lands, he had never shown her this one.

Pausing at the edge of the stone catwalk, the wedding party was greeted by a low, resonant gong tone reverberating across the chasm. It was their signal to proceed. Amanda took a deep breath, uncertain of what she would find on the other side. As they approached, a sudden, violent gust of wind blew up an angry dust devil, momentarily obscuring the shrine.

The dust cleared when she had almost reached the entrance and now she could recognize Sarek’s attendants on one arc of the arena-like space. Soran was there; the male next to Soran she guessed must be Sarek’s brother, Silek. Sarek’s healer, Segon, also stood to one side, and at the end stood Skon. On the arc opposite the males stood a lone female – T’Lina. Amanda swallowed, realizing the guard was there for her. There were several others present bearing an array of ceremonial instruments and weapons, including one armed with what looked alarmingly like executioner’s gear.

The bond was still closed to her, but something told Amanda that Sarek was near. Her nerves stood on edge. Then she saw him step forward into the arena’s center.

Amanda sucked in a breath. Sarek had dampened his side of their bond days ago, much to her frustration, but she could tell now that he was highly agitated. He wore what was clearly a close-combat ready garment, ceremonial like hers but also deadly functional, ominously similar to the one he had worn while sparring with Siltor. It was brief and snugly fit, revealing his muscled upper body as well as his powerful thighs. That sharp contrast from his usual, heavily robed diplomatic garb, though, was nothing compared to the transformation from the dignified, austere man she knew and loved to the primal being before her now.

Sarek’s rapid respiration, the rigid tension in his body, the sheen of sweat, and, most of all, his eyes, white-ringed with pupils dilated wide and visible even from this distance, gave away his physical and emotional state. Amanda wondered if a Vulcan woman would be repulsed by his loss of control. 

Amanda was far from repulsed. In spite of the fearful concern for his welfare that was eating at her, nonetheless she was... aroused.  Extremely aroused, even as she knew how devastating this loss of control must be to him.   Feeling her pulse accelerate, she wiped her palms on her dress while fighting the almost irresistible urge to run to him.

ooo

Sarek stood at the center of the ancestral arena, the place his instincts and training had drawn him, beckoned him to come to find relief from his agony. There were other males here in this place, and although they were familiar to him, their presence now provoked his rage. _Interlopers!_ It was becoming increasingly difficult to control his aggression.

He needed to be one with another. Only one other. Her -- his mate. He needed her touch... urgently now. His building anger would be visited upon anyone who interfered. It was difficult to remind himself that the presence of other males here did not – necessarily -- signify a challenge.

He focused all of his attention inward, striving to maintain control, to do as he had been trained. Deeply implanted instruction told him to remain here, to remain in control, in order for his need to be satisfied. Foggy memories confirmed that he had been in this place before; that he would need to control for a little while longer, and then his need would be met. Those memories were also troubling, however. His aggression spiked again…

And then he sensed her. _Her. She who is mine. I_ need _her – must_ have _her!_ His whole body shuddered as he fought to remain in place, and not charge out to find her, to take her where he found her.

_She is so close! If anyone were to interfere - !_ The swiftly fading rational part of his mind was shocked again by the violent and explicit thoughts generated by his primitive self, the one that was rapidly eclipsing the rest of his consciousness.

He turned, his keen eyes searching the arena’s perimeter, until they landed on her. His body stiffened; he raised his chin; his nostrils flared, seeking her scent. Every nerve focused on _her_. 

ooo

All at once, the bond flooded with Sarek’s raging emotions and Amanda almost staggered under the assault of his _need_. Waves and waves of aggression rolled off of him, and she could see his narrowed eyes travel to each member of his own wedding party as she approached.

Her eyes followed his, and she saw every male freeze still, gazes carefully averted from Sarek’s challenging stare, and from her. He was not even bothering to shield his emotions – or perhaps he was no longer capable. 

It was abruptly quite clear to Amanda that she dare not direct her attention to any of the other males in attendance, even to acknowledge their presence, out of fear for what her husband might do. She knew without a doubt that Sarek would kill if he perceived anyone attempting to come between him and her.

The words of _The Seeker_ came unbidden to her mind, and she was struck by how ominously accurate a warning the antique narrative was.

 

_…. Fawak vashau nash-veh katra maut_

**…. I will destroy the very essence**

_T’fan-veh vi thraptor du_

**Of any who would offend you**

_Il palikau lam-tor au svi etek._

**Or attempt to stand between us.**

_Lam gluder t’mal-nef svi plak t’au_

**Standing knee-deep in their blood**

_Fawak kum-tor wi nash-veh du…._

**I will still claim you….**

_This is my_ _diplomatic, peace-making_ _husband_ … the situation was surreal.   Without taking her eyes from him, she took her place to one side of the circular space, next to T’Lina.

The unreality of the situation was further heightened when T’Pau’s litter swung into view. Of course, it would be un-Vulcan of the matriarch to recuse herself from officiating at a _koon’ut-kal’i’fee_ merely because one of the participants was her own child. Amanda wondered morbidly if a matriarch ever had to preside over a challenge to one of her own sons or grandsons. Probably so in the distant past, but she couldn’t imagine it.

T’Pau’s attendants deposited her litter in its appropriate place at the head of the circle and retreated. There was a moment of silence when only the wind was heard. _A storm is coming,_ Amanda thought, and T’Pau looked over at her, assessing. Amanda met her gaze. _I’m not going anywhere_.

Bells chimed again, seeming more urgent now.

T’Pau raised her hand. _“Kal’i’farr!”_ She called, her voice ringing out across the arena.

Bells jangled. Sarek, standing next to the large gong by the firepit, struck the instrument again with a heavy stone mallet. His eyes never left Amanda’s.

The matriarch then turned to the Human woman and said the words that logic demanded of her as presiding _pid-kom_.

“If thee would choose differently, thee must choose now.”

Unwavering, Amanda replied. _“Kal’i’farr.”_

T’Pau only gazed at her, expressionless, before turning back to her son, her relief hidden. She beckoned once to him, and Sarek, who as far as Amanda knew had never done a careless thing in his life, impatiently tossed the mallet aside before stiffly coming forward for the ritual embrace.

The matriarch’s touch at his temple was practical as well as ceremonial. Her rapid assessment of his mental and physical state told her he did not have much time. She stifled a ripple of her own concern. He was not far from the throes of death by the Fever. She would move the ceremony along as quickly as possible.

At the matriarch’s bidding Sarek rose and his burning eyes fixed on Amanda’s again. _T’nash-veh, nem-tor t’nash-veh, ma t’nash-veh, katelau t’nash-veh, t’nash-veh…_

Spellbound by his stare, Amanda felt her mouth go dry. She had seen desire before in Sarek’s eyes, even lust, but never had she seen such a look as his now, of overwhelming, all-encompassing _need_. There was desperation, too, and she was suddenly afraid.

_I should be scared out of my wits right now,_ she thought.  And she was, she realized, but only partially for herself. Males who could not address the _pon farr_ in time died an excruciating death. Her intuition told her he was dangerously close. _Oh, Sarek --!_

Amanda took a deep breath. _Okay, Grayson, this is real. This is what you promised him, that you’d be here for him, now, even though he’s more alien to you at this moment than he’s ever been._

She tried to think calming, reassuring thoughts, although it was extremely difficult amidst the chaotic roar of emotion coming at her across the bond.

_I am not here to challenge you, Husband.  I am here_ for _you. I_ love _you…_

ooo

Sarek struggled to think, to form a coherent thought. But the only one that would come echoed the fierce, unrelenting drumbeat pounding in his body:

_Need her, need her, need_ her _, need her **now** … _

He _burned_. Fulfilling his need with his bondmate was the only thing that would save him from burning to death. And she was right here… Faced with this stark survival calculus and stripped of any emotional control needed for rational thought, his mind lost the battle to his hormones and fell into instinctual mode.

He broke.

_//AMANDA!//_

Amanda’s whole body jerked with the force of his silent call. The conflicting emotions of fear and desire warred in her mind for a moment before desire won out. Suddenly he was all she wanted, right here, and right now. There was a void in her that only he could fill. _I need_ you _, Husband!_

The backdraft of Amanda’s arousal struck the final blow to Sarek’s tortured discipline. It shattered. The _plak’tow_ hit. The Fever spiked, and it felt as if his blood boiled. Instead of returning to his place to strike the gong again, he stood rooted to the spot. He shuddered violently.

 Amanda was aghast to see Sarek’s eyes roll up into his head.

“Sarek!” she gasped. Instinctively she reached for him.

At her movement Sarek’s eyes snapped forward again and he pivoted to seize her.

_“Kroykah!”_ T’Pau bellowed. “Do not touch!”

The shrine was utterly silent for a moment, and two pairs of startled eyes turned to meet the matriarch’s. With concern, T’Pau elected to dispense with several formalities. They barely had enough time to get through the ceremony as it was.

Her steely gaze held the pair. She began to speak.

“Sarek, son of Skon, son of Solkar, clan of S’chn T’Gai, as it was in the time of the beginning, thee has been drawn to the _koon’ut-kal’i’fee_ to take thy bonded mate in marriage, the one whom thee has honored and protected since thy bonding.

“Amanda, daughter of Grayson, clan of Earth, as it was in the time of the beginning, thee has been called to the _koon’ut-kal’i’fee_ to serve thy bonded mate in marriage, the one whom thee has honored and protected since thy bonding.

“Thy _katras_ have been joined for this purpose. Now thy bond brings thee here, to pass through the Fires as it has been for all those before thee. Together may thee quench the flames and bring forth life. Honor and protect one another in the time forward, and walk in peace. This has been, and always shall be, our way.

“Attend!” she commanded, bidding the pair to kneel before her.

Raising her left hand to Amanda’s face and her right to Sarek’s, T’Pau initiated a meld, touching the link between the couple. Their bond was as strong as it had been when she first assessed it. Then, as only one with a _pid-kom’s_ ability could do, she made a few adjustments to the bond, strengthening it further for marriage. The Human was not a telepath, but she could fortify the bond to compensate. It was only logical. Then she withdrew.

“It is done,” she declared. “Thou art his and thou art hers. Thee are one.”

The couple stared at one another. Normally the matriarch would have them engage in the crossed-wrist familial embrace for the first time, but she forewent it, knowing that in Sarek’s condition he would not be able to stop the touch there.

She gestured for the couple to stand, and then to the rest of those present.

_“Nam-tor pon. Hal-tor.”_

ooo

As one the wedding party and attendants turned to leave the marriage shrine, leaving the arena sands behind. T’Pau immediately in front of them, Sarek and Amanda walked silently side by side.

Sarek dared not meet his new wife’s eyes. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew they were already husband and wife by another authority, but he could not process the specifics. He wanted to look at her, to drink in the sight of her with his eyes, and do much more, but the heavy conditioning of the matriarch’s command prevented him. He could not touch, was afraid to look, but his brain was consumed with wanting her, needing her. His blood burned. His garment now confined him tightly in one particularly painful place, and in his current state it was torture. It was an exercise in sheer volition to hold himself off from doing what his instincts demanded. He trembled, and dug his fingernails deep into his palms to resist until hot green drops ran down his fingers and bled onto the red sands.

_T’nash-veh, t’nash-veh, bolau katelau, t’nash-veh…_

ooo

Struck by a new, more powerful sense of being _together_ and dazed by the raging emotions Sarek kept projecting, Amanda tried to think about what was coming next. She held Sarek’s very life in her hands; she could not make a mistake. Was there more to T’Pau’s instructions than the obvious? She frantically tried to recall T’Alen’s teaching of her role in the Time. ‘ _Yield to him and guide him,’_ she remembered. What kind of advice was that?? She wanted him, badly by now – _But is that enough?_

She was also bewildered by her own wildly cycling emotions. She was scared – for him, for herself – at what was about to come, but at the same time intensely aroused. Uncaring for the small crowd surrounding them, Amanda wanted him desperately -- right there in the dirt where they walked. She knew he wanted the same. It was suddenly obvious that the procession to the mating caves served as more than just homage to the protection given the couple by the clan in ancient times. It was also a necessary measure in modern times to ensure that the couple actually made it to their destination.

 She could feel his intense, aroused possessiveness through their bond.  She could not sense his thoughts, but their general tenor and the emotions accompanying them came through louder and clearer than they ever had before.

Sarek’s thoughts had devolved into one refrain: _Mine, mine, I need, must claim now, no other…!_

Being literally needed this way was a heady aphrodisiac. Amanda’s body and mind responded; the images filling her mind were primal, wanton, lustful – and very, very erotic. She saw Sarek’s jaw clench, then his fists; frantically, she tried to fill her thoughts with something benign. _A pastoral scene, back on Earth, a field with green grass, trees, apple trees… apple trees with blossoms, bees… pollination, birds and bees… Sarek! Damn._

 Incapable of words now, he simply growled a low, ominous warning.

_I hope we make it,_ she thought.

The wind began to whip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Kal’i’farr!” – “Marriage!”
> 
> “Nam-tor pon. Hal-tor!” – “It is time. Go.”
> 
> plak’tow – “blood fever,” the final stage of pon farr
> 
> The Seeker – Poem written 1,000 years before Surak, narrating the experience of pon farr from the male’s perspective. Sarek had given Amanda a translation of the poem just before they bonded (from “Gratified By Your Company”).  
> `  
> “T’nash-veh, nem-tor t’nash-veh, ma t’nash-veh, katelau t’nash-veh, t’nash-veh…” – “Mine, mine to take, mine to possess, mine to mate, mine…”
> 
> “T’nash-veh, t’nash-veh, bolau katelau, t’nash-veh…” – “Mine, mine, must mate, mine…”


	52. Koon’ut’plathau: The first day

After what seemed a lifetime, the procession finally reached the cave. A large stone door had been built into the entrance, and Amanda was momentarily relieved at what appeared to be at least one amenity of civilization. But she had no opportunity to think further. The moment his feet reached the threshold Sarek seized her around the waist and yanked her inside. 

The wedding party performed its final ceremonial duty by simply pushing the heavy door closed behind them, shutting out the swirling sands and the rest of the world.

It had not even fully closed when Sarek roughly pulled her, stumbling, into the center of the large, dimly lit, rock-hewn room. Amanda barely took in the large sleeping platform and thick rugs covering the stone floor before he whirled on her. He tore his garment off with an impatient snarl.

Time froze for a split second as they stood staring at one another, her eyes wide and uncertain and his starved and desperate. Every muscle in his body tensed, and with a lightening lunge he unceremoniously ripped her dress from her shoulders. She gasped.

His shaking hands spasmed as they gripped the dress’ ripped remains, the cave’s still silence shredded by the harsh pants of his breath. At the feel of the torn fabric in his hands, a memory of another dress, one gently released from her body at another time, penetrated the green haze enshrouding his brain. His cherished wife.

_No…!_

He struggled to think through the fog. He had meant to spare her from… from… Awareness crashed in, and with it, anguish. He meant to spare her from _this_. From _himself_. She was his, and he needed to protect her. _She is not of Vulcan. She is not meant for this._

But she was his – and he needed her. Needed her to live. Yet in his need he could kill her, and from that he needed to protect her. _She is mine…_ He tried to grapple with his conflicting thoughts.

 “Sarek?” Amanda whispered, worried, and that stimulus was all it took.

The _plak tow_ flared again, overcoming his mind in a rush. The relentless demon of need demanded satisfaction. He held the torn shreds of the dress for just a moment more, as if wondering how they got there, before his desperate eyes returned to hers and he crushed her to him, the fabric pieces falling like forgotten rain. There was only one thing he wanted right now.

_You are mine!_

Amanda slammed into him, overwhelmed by a cascade of physical sensations. She felt his heart beating thunderously, his body trembling, his skin burning as she stared into his wild eyes, hoping to learn something from them.  They were mad with a jumble of uncontrolled emotions, all focused on her. And she felt those, too, all rushing at her through the bond. Desire, lust, need, anger, frustration, fear, and more. His control was completely gone, for he had waited for too long. 

_Oh, Sarek…_

Her thought was swiftly interrupted.  She felt his hard length press against her – _oh my God, he’s huge_ – when Sarek swept her up and – rather than carry her to the platform as she expected – mated them then and there, bracing her against his body, clutching her with an iron grip. The sound of her sharp gasp was lost beneath the fierce noise Sarek uttered as he urgently began to thrust.

Thankfully she was ready for him – she’d been ready for hours. In spite of their precarious and potentially deadly situation, the only thing she wanted right now was _him_. She had to have him. He took her, and she moaned with relief.

Suspended with her limbs clenched around him, her keening cries rose in pitch with his movements. Sarek’s powerful thrusting, insistent and hard, rapidly accelerated into a shuddering climax just moments later.

He groaned. There was no relief yet. _Need!_

There was still no time to even catch a breath. Amanda could feel him stiffen within her immediately again and she felt a wave of his frustration rise up alongside the unbridled lust through the bond. His feverish skin burned against hers. _So hot._ Part of her brain registered worry. But his erotic motion tore her mind away as her body responded again with its own lustful desire.

They had made love passionately many times before. They had even behaved like animals at times, she knew. But this surpassed even those times. She was out of control and she knew it – and was helpless to do anything about it, if she even wanted to. Sarek, even more so – out of control and out of his mind from the Fever. At this point, Sarek _was_ sex, his demanding body eliciting her cries with his every thrust.

He was hard, rough and fast, and his movements had her at the edge of pain – but they did not cross over that line. _Yet?_ she wondered. At this point, she could only hope it would get no worse; Sarek was so out of his mind she doubted she could reach him if it did.

She clutched him tighter. “I’m here, Sarek, it’s okay. It’s going to be all right,” she soothed into his ear, hoping to calm him.

 He did not understand her words. _Mine! Mate!_

Sarek’s hips snapped forward. Amanda gasped again. His arms tightened spasmodically around her and he snarled as he erupted inside her a second time. But the relentless urge would not subside.

He roughly pulled her higher up against him as his teeth found her neck.  Another incoherent snarl, and he turned them toward the sleeping platform, his marks blossoming on her skin, the primitive Vulcan inside him running rampant in his mind.

 _You are mine! Only_ my _marks on you. No one else may claim you. I will kill any other!_

Somewhere inside his mind, Sarek’s sane side was appalled. _To be so out of control, so repugnant - !_ It was bad enough his wife had to see this, let alone what he was subjecting her to. But he could not stop his actions. _Must not harm - !_

They collided with the platform, Sarek’s heavy weight pinning her there, knocking the wind out of her. Somehow, he avoided crushing her. She was on her back now, and he glared down at her with a startling mix of lust and triumph.

He snarled again. _Mine!_

He scraped his teeth down and across her throat before nipping her hard on her collarbone.  The sudden sharpness of the bite made Amanda cry out and jerk beneath him. In response his hips surged upward, immobilizing her.

_Oh!_

She submitted to him as instinct _(Whose instinct?_ she wondered) told her she must. She knew part of her mind had been overtaken by the mating drive, no doubt responding to Sarek through their bond. Another part wanted him because she always did – and as much as she hated to admit it to herself, his need for her was unbelievably arousing. A third wanted desperately to help him. And there was a final part of her mind that was terrified for both of them. Sarek was dangerously near death from the Fever, and she knew how vulnerable she was, here in close quarters with a desperate Vulcan stripped of his control. Yet her body and emotions could not help responding to him.

_Oh God, Sarek…!_

_Mate!_ his mind bellowed, thoroughly held in sway by his brain’s most primeval drives. Desire that could not be rationalized into any form of civilized thought ruled his mind: it was purely lust, forged by the Fever into the need to copulate, over and over again, until his body had exhausted every possible opportunity for propagating its seed. The part of his psyche that ruled his actions did not question; he was only capable of doing his body’s bidding.

He had launched them both across the platform with such power that Amanda nearly slid off the other side; her shoulders were halfway over the edge and she clung to him to avoid falling backward. Of course there was little danger of that. He held her in an unbreakable grip as he continued to thrust with urgent purpose.

_Claim!_

Again a violent shudder, and again a loud groan burst from his throat. If anything, his agitation was increasing rather than subsiding.

Sarek’s mind was lost to everything except coupling with his mate. His body continued its forceful movement as the relentless pressure built again. He needed to touch every centimeter of her cooling, soothing skin, needed to quench the burning of his body within hers.

Yet it was not enough. He needed her mind as well as her body. Needed to claim it. Needed her calming thoughts… Her soothing being. _Need!_ His fingers reached for her face.

Apprehensiveness rose up when she saw his trembling fingers approach. Torn, she felt some portion of the desire he felt, to be one in thought as well as in body, but she was also afraid to let go of the tattered grip she still held on reality. She was supposed to keep her wits about her, right? Fearful of doing the wrong thing, she recalled T’Alen’s words, telling her to simultaneously submit and guide. How could she guide him, and them, if she lost herself any further to the madness? How ironic was it that it was now she, the Human, who feared losing control?

Amanda could feel his mind pushing against her own. That dark, possessive force inside of him wanted more of her. He wanted her to lose herself to the overwhelming, pounding flood of lust that had already engulfed him, and was threatening to overtake her as well. That primordial, instinctual Vulcan male, now unbridled, wanted his female, _all_ of her, wanted to know without a doubt that she was completely, unquestionably _his_. She heard his impatient snarl.

A part of Amanda rebelled against his demand. _I am my own person, no one’s possession_. Yet, she could also sense his need. _To not be alone in this_ … Competing urges warred within her.

As if to break the impasse, more words from _The Seeker_ summoned themselves from memory:

_Samuyau du tau eh hayal du lakht…_

**[You] Cool the Fever and calm the rage…**

_Tor du nash-veh yeht-kashik va’ashiv…_

**Make me sane again…**

_…Samuyau du qsa’ksas ni’rchlar_

**…You cool the raging Fires**

_Ta shivau au nash-veh tash-tor_

**That I am helpless to control**

_Yontau etek teretuhr…_

**We burn together…**

_Heh yi kup etek ha-tor va’ashiv._

**And then can live again.**

 

Was she somehow remembering these lines for a reason? In the midst of all this, it was amazing that she had. Perhaps she was supposed to lose herself in the Fires exactly as the poem described. She couldn’t deny that’s what part of her wanted to do. Perhaps his need for her was what would enable her to guide him, to protect him from losing himself completely to the Fever. She would have to figure out this alien process for both of them.

Then Amanda realized: As rough as their relations had been, even though by this moment she could well be dead, her body or mind broken by his overwhelming physical and mental strength, he still had not hurt her. Somehow, he was managing to control his strength and the violence of the Fever, whether consciously or unconsciously, she did not know. _He’s never hurt me._ If her current state was any indication, she was most likely going to be bruised and sore, sure, but nothing serious. Fear for her own safety fell away. _He needs me to live! And I promised him._

She tried to re-focus on his thoughts. They were just raw emotions now, punctuated by the occasional fractured image. _How painful this must be for him,_ she thought, _in there somewhere, experiencing this_. _He doesn’t deserve to feel this alone._

She turned into his fingers. Then he was roughly _there_ , inside her head, and Amanda felt as though she’d been struck, such was the force of their minds colliding.

 _//Ha!//_ his mind voice sighed. He finally felt some measure of relief from the touch of her body and mind. _I need her, need to be one with her…_

At first all she could sense was a kaleidoscope of his chaotic emotions, overlaid with blinding need. A bottomless pit of _need_ …

It was though he was drowning in need. Sarek was still there somewhere, but every thought, every impulse had been utterly eclipsed by the overwhelming urge to mate. Discipline completely shattered, every sector of his powerful mind was focused on her, on her body, on achieving his sole objective, his body in hers.

_Live -- mate! Possess! Claim!_

Then, slowly – although nothing was happening slowly -- she realized she could sense him, the Sarek she knew, underneath it all, still fighting against the unrelenting tide. _How truly like insanity this must be, to be conscious of one’s mind being overtaken and to be utterly unable to do anything about it.  No wonder he calls it madness._

He climaxed forcibly yet again, and pulled away for just an instant. His chest heaved, and he was covered in sweat. Amanda worried. She was in a similar state as he, but she was Human and being affected by the heat and thin air was understandable. She wondered how far Sarek had pushed even his rugged Vulcan physique. _How badly has he weakened himself?_

_// Let me help you, Adun. I am here…//_

His hands were moving up and down her body, seeking, wanting. _I need…_

His touch felt so good, her skin positively tingled. Another realization: _He needs my touch for relief!_ Quickly she imitated his action, stroking her hands up and down his sides, his neck, his back, his ears.

 _Yes!_ Sarek moaned at the allayment of the fire under his skin. She alone could restore his life. The feel of her clutching him when he made them one aroused him, drove him toward completion. Her soothing touch now cooled and calmed him. He needed both. A wave of grateful emotion swept from him to her through their bond.

Amanda swallowed. _Thank goodness_. The wind still roared outside just as the _pon farr_ raged within her husband, but there was hope. _It’s a bad storm,_ she thought. _Yet we remain safe._

Her relief aroused him.

He moved over her body again. Undeniably aroused by her husband’s uncontrollable urges, Amanda could feel her own desire rising inexorably. Dimly, it occurred to her that her control and awareness were slipping away…

Suddenly, she bit him. Her own thought surprised her: _You are mine!_

He was hers, and all she wanted right now was him and what he was doing to her. She wanted him to take her, to possess her in no uncertain terms, and not to stop.

“Take me again!” she hissed.

Sarek snarled. Her thoughts were cut off as he entered her anew and the fire exploded in her mind.

ooo

He rolled off his mate, momentarily drained. His last climax still reverberated through his trembling body, but he could breathe again. He sucked in a deep breath, now aware of the sweat that was rapidly chilling his body. He shivered, drawn to the warmth of her body. His mate murmured something he couldn’t understand before her eyes fluttered closed. Alarmed, he quickly touched her temple. A wave of relief swept through him. She was unharmed, only fatigued, and a bit sore. He gathered her close.

Even though part of his mind was well aware they were alone in the cave, he could not stop himself from scanning its dim reaches to reassure himself that there were no intruders.

_Mine!_

Her safety assured for the moment, he was nonetheless still agitated. Releasing her, he leapt up, pacing from one end of the cave to the other. All the while he watched her on the platform. He did not need again her yet, but he would soon, very soon…

ooo

Awareness of her surroundings slowly returned, along with a plethora of aches and pains. _Ouch_. Sarek had been like a freight train, Amanda thought, and it struck her how disciplined and gentle he had been all of the other times before, even when he had seemed the most impassioned and out of control.

She could feel bruises now, lots of them, although still, none of her aches warned of anything requiring attention. _Nothing serious_ , she thought, concluding her self-inspection with relief.

Amanda slowly rose and took a few, tentative steps. _Ooh, I am stiff_. She had no sooner registered that thought when Sarek appeared.

He was in front of her in an instant, staring down at her with wide, dark eyes. Burning eyes, dark and fierce with demanding desire. He immediately enveloped her. His hands found her shoulders and his teeth found her neck.

He pressed his weight against her, pushing her downward; in an instant, she lay beneath him on the rug. His knees between hers, he braced himself over her.

_Mine!_

He descended toward his mate.

One thought flashed through her mind before she was overcome: _Thank God for the rugs._

ooo

Amanda groggily awoke sometime later. There was definitely a floor of stone beneath the rug – _Ow_. But again, thankfully, none of her aches were more than bruises and bite marks. It was darker in the cave; the daylighting illumination had gradually faded as the sun set. Focusing her eyes in the now dimmer filtered light, she could see Sarek sitting close by, apparently attempting to meditate. She was startled to notice his back and shoulders covered with bright green scratches.

 _What happened to him?_ she wondered – and then she looked at her own nails. She was shocked – she had no memory of scratching him. _I guess I am as overtaken as he is._

While she contemplated the evidence of that apparent fact, Sarek turned toward her, his eyes burning again. She heard his impatient growl…

_Oh!_

ooo

She woke another time to the feel of his hands and teeth roving over her body, still on the floor. His fever was cresting yet again, and she could sense its inexorable build, accelerating until it would overwhelm them both once more. Meanwhile, he seemed utterly focused on his task of touching her everywhere. She tried to survey her body again, but that was difficult due to his increasingly persistent attentions. And she could not help responding to his touch…

The unstoppable drive was building again, irritating, painful, demanding. _Bolau nash-veh!_

He needed her cooling center, her soothing mind. Knowing exactly what he required, Sarek pounced on his female, running his greedy fingertips over every centimeter of her skin, uncaring for the fact that he was pinning her down. He needed her _now_ , and that was all that mattered. With that, he claimed her again, marking her over and over as he did so. _She is mine!_

His body was relentless as it drove into hers. He could not stop, his hard thrusts piston-like as he sought the friction he craved. An impatient growl escaped his lips.

Amanda wantonly hungered for his brutal pace, his possessive bites, not caring that she would inevitably be sore later. Inexorably she wound closer and closer to climax until, finally, he pushed her over the brink. She cried out, her nails digging into his shoulders. She heard his forceful groan, and felt him shudder inside her.

_Ahh!_

Overcome, Amanda felt her eyes closing. _Am I blacking out?_ But before sleep or unconsciousness claimed her, Sarek picked her up. He carried her to the sleeping platform and then collapsed beside her. The last thing she heard was his heavy breathing, unrelieved, as he stared up at the ceiling.

ooo

Amanda awoke feeling the pressure of Sarek’s body on her back as he nuzzled against her neck, softly growling. Still groggy, she reacted slowly, and his nuzzles soon became impatient nips.

 _How long has it been?_ She had no idea how much time had passed. It was dimmer now in the cave, but still not fully dark.

Then, his hand was on her shoulder, rolling her over, his knee was between her thighs, pushing them apart, and his fingertips were brands on her face, pulling their minds together as he positioned himself over her.

A part of her protested his taking her when she was so tired, objected to his one-sided manipulation of her body. She ached. Another part, though, was still as caught up in the mating frenzy as he was, and impatiently awaited his possession. It did not take long for the latter to win out over the former.

He loomed above her, and now aroused, she reached to stroke his straining _lok_. He gave a sharp hiss at her touch, and then a growl as he moved swiftly to possess her again.

 Soon her whole body was vibrating. She moaned with abandon and Sarek snarled. He thrust harder, and she dug her nails in to his back again.

He breathed deeply, reveling in the tight embrace of her body around his. Imprisonment within her hidden walls was exactly what he wanted, what he needed. He moved faster, the greater friction increasing the sensation of her snug hold on him.

His mate thrashed beneath him, pressing her body into his and urging him to complete his possession of her. As if he needed the encouragement. His movements accelerated and suddenly she cried out, convulsing against him.

_Sarek!_

_Mine!_

Before he could think another thought his own body found its release in a shivering cascade as he emptied his seed into her once more.

Gradually his frantic motion slowed and finally stopped, his body temporarily spent from its exertions. He did not part from her though. Instead he gathered her closer to him, holding her tight in a firm, vice-like grip while he buried his head in the tangle of hair at her neck.

Amanda just held him, exhausted herself, and listened to the sound of his still-labored breathing while feeling the thrum of his racing heart. She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair and he groaned in some combined measure of relief and fatigue.

His respiration, shallow and stressed, still worried her. T’Pau had gravely informed her that there were a not insignificant number of deaths resulting from the Time. Amanda had been surprised and concerned. Given the fortitude of Vulcan physiology, she had not expected it to possess such a vulnerability.

The matriarch had not provided any detail on the causes of death during _pon farr_ , leaving Amanda to only imagine any number of medical crises that could result: respiratory failure, shock, seizures, cardiac arrest, or something else entirely. And she was her husband’s only remedy. _I hope I can last long enough myself._ She carded her fingers through his hair again. _Maybe he can rest now._

Amanda wondered if the responsibility for the wellbeing of their males was considered a burden by some Vulcan females, a hardship to be resisted or resented, however logically. For her it wasn't, even in her current condition. _I love him_.

To her relief, his breathing finally slowed and returned to something near normal. But instead of rest for both of them, as if he sensed her gaze on him, Sarek turned toward her, his eyes again hungry and feral. With another growl, his arms tightened around her once more.

ooo

The _pon farr_ was a marathon feat of endurance for a Human. It did not take long before Amanda was exhausted, dehydrated and sore. Since they’d arrived in the _koon’ut’plathau_ , the seemingly countless couplings had continued until she had fallen into exhausted sleep.

She awoke to the clamor of basic bodily needs. The cave was even darker than it had been before. _It_ _must_ _be_ _nighttime_ , she thought. Sarek was not in evidence, although she guessed he couldn't have gone far. Seizing her first opportunity for freedom from his demanding embrace, she quickly rose to survey her surroundings. _Ouch!_ Her body protested mightily from its array of scrapes and bruises. She ached, and she was so tired.  More importantly, though, she needed a refresher, and fervently hoped she'd find one.

Her wish was granted. She found a small refresher unit tucked into the wall in a small alcove just past the sleeping platform. She disappeared within, but not before she discovered the substantial cache of medical supplies in an adjacent niche. Dimly recalling something about them from the healers’ office, her eyes widened at the variety and scope of items and equipment, including a heavy-duty dermal regenerator, lubricants, healing gels for Human and for Vulcan, rehydration packs, and a laser bone fuser.

In spite of her exhaustion, she hastily grabbed the regenerator and some healing gel to apply to the worst of the sore spots while she was in the refresher.

She re-emerged a little while later, after nearly dozing off inside. A sixth sense immediately alerted her to something amiss. The cave was silent, the sleeping platform undisturbed, yet the air seemed to crackle with electricity. There was a tension in the room she hadn’t felt before. She pressed her hands to the sides of her head. _Whose thought is this, anyway?_ And where was Sarek?

“Sarek?” she called hesitantly, her voice a parched croak. Although she knew he wouldn’t respond with words, the answering silence was still disconcerting. Involuntarily her nerves stood on edge. She stared into the dark recesses of the cavern, her throat painfully dry.

Amanda’s eyes searched the cave’s dim reaches but did not find him. Still, she could _sense_ his presence, _knew_ he was there. _What is he doing?_

She waited for a long moment, but nothing happened. Finally, she was drawn to relieve her thirst, her eyes darting about for a water source. They found a strange fixture in the wall adjacent to her along with what looked like a shallow basin on the floor, and she eyed it hopefully. Its purpose wasn’t even completely clear until she turned the one control, A gentle shower of water poured down out of a hidden spigot in the wall. It was impossible to resist.

Then she realized: she couldn't see him, but he could see her – and he was watching her. She was being stalked by a being who, no matter how advanced and intelligent, had reverted to his essential, primordial self – and needed her to live. Like a predator after prey.

 It was bizarre, and instinctively scary. It was also something else: more than a little thrilling. For while she didn’t know why he was hunting her this way, she did know this: she would be caught.

After what seemed interminable minutes of this, her thirst won out. _Let him_ , Amanda thought, recklessly regarding the silent, dark expanse before her. She boldly turned her back on the cavern to take another drink.

Like the wild animal he had become, Sarek fixed on his quarry. _She is here!_ In the shadows, he watched her as she drank. Her obvious hunger for the water, incredibly sensuous to him, impelled him forward. _Mine!_ A part of him understood her need for the water, but he was powerless to stop his body.

The breath was knocked out of her as Sarek came out of nowhere to seize her against the wall. His strong arms caged her in on either side and his torso pressed her breasts hard against the unyielding stone, imprisoning her there.

Amanda was unable to stifle a startled squeal. She thought apprehensively, _he’s always known how not to hurt me, but what if he can’t tell anymore?_ All that was coming to her through the bond was urgent, urgent need -- and fear.

He hadn’t known where she had gone. He had been attempting to meditate to quell the Fever, to no avail, when he had returned to the platform to find it empty. His logical mind had reacted more slowly than his instinctual one, and he had panicked rather than think through where she could have gone.

_Where?! Who has interfered? I need – she is mine! Need her now!_

Belatedly realizing what had happened, Amanda tried to turn to touch his face, hoping to sooth him, but he would not allow it. For a moment he gripped her wrists, hard, staring wide-eyed at her.

_//Where -- why? Leave me? My mate? Aduna? No! You are mine!//_

Images flashed in his mind of painful, fatal separation.

 _Oh, no,_ she thought, her heart breaking at his poignant despair. She pressed her body back into his, tightly holding his arms, thinking soothing words.

_//I am here, Adun. I have always been right here. Never parted. Never and always touching and touched. I will never leave you. We are one…//_

Sarek’s pupils, huge, receded a little bit as he absorbed her thoughts. His burning fingertips urgently sought her cool, soft skin; he ran his hands over her desperately, reassuring himself of her presence. _She is mine, and she is here!_

Amanda relaxed slightly. The waves of dread stopped crashing over her, and she took a breath. Unfortunately, Sarek would not be satisfied with such a simple assurance of her presence. She felt his length probe between her thighs.

_She is mine! Must claim --!_

His eyes aflame, he pulled her by her hips out from the wall and penetrated her from behind. Her surprised cry was drowned out by his grunting as he thrust, rigidly gripping her hips to his. The water from the shower poured down on them both now, but Sarek didn’t even seem to notice.

His actions were possessive, unrelenting, shocking – and highly erotic. She writhed in his grip, his animalistic taking of her incredibly arousing. But she was teetering on the edge of pain, and before she was overtaken once again by the flames, she thought, _I hope I can make it through this_.

Still not yet sated, Sarek suddenly pushed her knees further apart to bury himself deeper. Amanda yelped.

He recoiled. _Pain! Hurt! Must not! My mate!_ Somehow, her alarming exclamation caused the rational part of his mind to push to the fore in order to protect his mate.

In an instant he had withdrawn from her and turned her over, laying her down gently in the smooth, low basin of the shower, frantically checking her body for injury. His fingers quickly found her face. To his great relief, what he found told him she was not seriously injured. But she was still injured; he could feel her pain. Guilt and shame filled him. _No!_

He leapt up, and, grasping for a clear spot amidst the fog in his brain, returned with medical supplies. All of them.

Amanda, still resting in the pleasant wash of the lukewarm shower water, gaped when he set them down before her. Had their situation not been so serious, she would have teased him for his over-the-top gesture. As it was, she smiled tenderly at him and touched his face. _//I’ll be fine, Adun.//_

Sarek tensed. He needed to care for her, protect her, but the feel of her touch on his skin set his body aflame again. Hastily he stood. _Need! But must not hurt!_ It was imperative that he not hurt her, but he also still desperately needed her… He paced in front her, his anguish painstakingly clear. _I need, I must – But I must not \- ! _

His dilemma was perfectly obvious to Amanda. She knew what he needed. Summoning her resolve amidst her frayed nerves and distressed body, she thought, _I can do this_. She beckoned to him.

The Fever flared yet again. With the reassurance of her invitation, Sarek nearly flung himself on top of her. His rational self recoiled in disgust.

His re-claiming of her was more gentle, but not at all tentative. Amanda lay across the broad, low basin, her legs splayed as he bore down. Sarek rutted into her, and all she could do was hold on. Completely overcome, some small, distant part of her was disturbed by how much she liked what was happening. His powerful body, his intense need to couple, the desperate enthusiasm with which he possessed her, all combined into an overwhelming carnal experience.

 _I shouldn’t feel this way,_ she thought, embarrassed at finding his need so arousing. _He needs me…_ _Oh, God!_

At that instant he shuddered hard inside her, triggering her body’s equally impassioned response. And without a second’s pause, he began to move again.

_Mine!_

Outside the wind bellowed, while inside, in their private world, the Vulcan rain poured down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bolau nash-veh! – I need!
> 
> Ha! – Yes!


	53. Koon’ut’plathau: The second day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the slower updates this week. I've been travelling and these last few chapters needed a bit more editing. We're in the home stretch now, though!

She woke up shivering. It was nighttime still, and cold high desert air poured in from somewhere. They were at a much higher elevation than at the fortress, and even though they were deep in a mountain cave, it was evidently well ventilated. The sweat from their earlier activities had cooled on her body and by now she was quite chilled.

Groping around in the near darkness for a blanket, she was frustrated to find that the sleeping platform’s cover had long since been thrown somewhere.  Amanda gave a resigned sigh before her questing hand landed on her husband nearby.

Instantly Sarek rolled and enveloped her in his arms, his body tense as his senses probed the darkness once more for any sign of an intruder. He pulled her with him as sat up, still searching.

Amanda shivered again, and comprehension flooded their bond. Sarek pulled her closer, and gently rubbed his hands – still Fever hot -- up and down her arms and torso.

 _Mmmm_. Surprised and touched that he had the presence of mind to care for her this way, Amanda relaxed into his ministrations. Her body quickly warmed, and she couldn’t help but move against him. Not surprisingly, the stimulation affected her bondmate similarly.

He arched his body, but then paused, poised above her.

Amanda was confused, until she felt his emotions flow into her through the bond. Desire warred with resistance, and she realized with a shock that he was trying to spare her.

 _//Shhh,_ Adun _, it’s all right. Let me help…//_ She was still tired, but less sore after her brief rest, and she was still worried about his precarious condition _. I know what he needs_. Wrapping her arms around his back, she pulled at him, trying to coax him down to meet her.

Amanda felt a wave of relief, followed by a sharp spike of desire. With an impassioned growl he descended upon her, and then the Fires swept them both away again.

ooo

Dim light filtering in from the outside pulled Sarek from the half-conscious state where his mind and body recuperated in between bouts of peaking Fever. He could not sleep, but at least his body would relinquish some of its demands for a short time. Arising from the sleeping platform, he half-walked, half-stumbled around the cavern as his head slowly cleared.

Drawn as he had been each time before, he re-approached the platform, as both dominant and supplicant. And found the object of his desire and devotion there, just as before. She was sleeping, a delicate arm drawn across her eyes to ward off the intrusion of the light.

 _She-who-is-mine. Aduna_.

This simple recognition was accompanied by waves of emotions – relief, anxiety, tenderness, attraction, possessiveness, desire – ones he normally, automatically, distilled into more logical lines of thinking. Control absent, they washed over and through him, gripping his mind and body.

He did not immediately move to claim her this time, his savage need temporarily in abeyance. Instead, he stood, staring, arrested by her beauty. Her beauty had always affected him, even when he denied such an illogical effect.

_October, 2228_

_He had been speaking on the floor of the Federation Council chambers. The hall was packed, and the debating had been intense and acrimonious. The subject was the Centauri Accord. He had just cornered one of his more vocal opponents in a logical dilemma and now held the audience_ _’_ _s attention as he systematically dismantled the arguments against the agreement._

_He was making a particularly forceful point when he noticed her in the audience, his sharp eyes catching hers as his gaze swept the gallery._

_Outwardly unaffected, inwardly he noted her presence with less impassivity than he should have. He attributed his interest to curiosity_ _–_ Why is she here? _Of course, there was a logical connection between the objectives of the Centauri Accord and those of the Universal Translator_ _…_ _but those did not necessitate her presence._

Perhaps she wishes to learn more about the political dynamics surrounding the translator.

 _A logical possibility. However, it did not explain why some part of him was_ _…_ _gratified_ _…_ _by her appearance._

Of course, the desire to learn is an admirable trait.

_His gaze caught and held hers as he finished his point. She returned his stare, and some part of him observed her response with approval. Not for the first tme, he observed the symmetry of her features before filing the thoughts away._

The heir to Surak does not react to mere aesthetic considerations. I am in control.

_ooo_

_He was returning from this especially fractious council session, his thoughts occupied, when the sound of her voice in the embassy courtyard drew his attention._

_Dr. Grayson was engaged in animated conversation with a colleague, allowing the ambassador a brief moment to observe her in privacy. The afternoon sunlight glinted off her hair, highlighting it, her cheeks an intriguing shade of pink in the chill air. Her companion said something and she laughed, her eyes bright with mirth._

_As he drew near, Sarek_ _’_ _s keen hearing told him the subject was the wisdom of rebuffing the desire by some in Starfleet to control the development and distribution of the Universal Translator_ _’_ _s technology. Without missing a beat, Dr. Grayson responded._

 _“_ _Starfleet is supposed to be a peaceful, exploratory organization. If that_ _’_ _s true, then it is at no disadvantage if the Universal Translator is distributed by the inter-cultural exchange arm of the Federation. It, too, will benefit from the translator technology, and perhaps also by a greater diversity of non-Human applicants to Starfleet Academy. I hope that is in fact a result._ _”_

 _The conversation continued a little longer, and Sarek noted that Amanda_ _–_ _Dr. Grayson_ _–_ _gracefully disarmed her colleague_ _’_ _s objections while persuasively making her points, all logical ones._

For someone with little political experience, she is quite skilled, _he noted._ She often seamlessly blends the expression of emotion – sympathy, humor, passion – with logic.

 _These were forms of expression he and his people eschewed, for they were dangerous_ _–_ _and yet, her method of communication was quite effective, even, he acknowledged, with him._ _He had observed this capability of hers in the discussions they had recently begun together at Soran_ _’_ _s recommendation_. _Further of interest, she was highly intelligent. Perusal of her linguistics publications had left him more than a little impressed._

I should like to understand better such a mind, one both highly capable and yet so able to freely acknowledge and express emotion, _he mused._

 _Just then, her eyes caught his. She smiled._ _“_ _Good afternoon, Ambassador._ _”_

 _He nodded._ _“_ _Doctor._ _”_

_He was still considering this interest of his when he realized she was saying something about the recently ended session._

_“…_ _your speech was brilliant._ _”_

 _He bowed slightly._ _“_ _I am honored._ _”_

 _The corners of her mouth turned upward again and Sarek noted her colleague fading away, no longer the object of the linguist_ _’_ _s attention._

 _“_ _I must apologize, though, for the rude comments from some of the Humans in attendance,_ _”_ _she added, her expression now rueful._ _“_ _They were deplorable._ _”_

 _Although she was correct, some of those questioning him had been belligerent or worse, he merely responded,_ _“_ _They were no worse than those of my Andorian colleague._ _”_

_Amanda laughed again, and Sarek quickly repressed the sense of pleasure at having elicited its agreeable sound. Her laughter possessed an almost musical quality to his ear._

_“_ _I have to disagree, Ambassador,_ _”_ _she responded, her eyes twinkling._ _“_ _Ambassador Shras respects you. He was simply_ _…_ _teasing._ _”_

 _Sarek raised a brow at this surprising assessment._ _“‘_ _Teasing_ _’_ _?_ _”_

 _“_ _Yes:_ _‘_ _to poke fun at or attempt to provoke, usually in a playful manner,_ _’”_ _she supplied._

 _“_ _I am unfamiliar with such behavior,_ _”_ _he said in typical Vulcan deadpan._

 _“_ _I_ _’_ _m sure,_ _”_ _she murmured, nodding gravely. She bit her lip in an intriguing fashion, offering him a clue._

 _Lowering his voice, he asked,_ _“_ _Are you now_ _…_ _teasing me, Dr. Grayson?_ _”_

 _Amanda_ _’_ _s intense blue eyes focused on his staring into hers. Her lips parted slightly, as if she had just been surprised. The pink color in her cheeks intensified._

 _“_ _Never!_ _”_ _She exclaimed, now with a mischievous smile._

 _Sarek held her gaze for a long moment. The never-ending parade of emotions across her face was fascinating in its variety and in the speed in which it changed. These emotions did not appear to impede her thinking, however; her evaluation of Shras_ _’_ _attitude_ _–_ _including his habit of making unhelpful comments_ _–_ _was perceptive. Further, he respected her willingness to directly challenge him, something few in his circle of acquaintances were willing to do._

 _“_ _I would be interested to hear your assessment of the current situation on the council, Doctor. Perhaps at our next lunch we could discuss it._ _”_

 _“_ _Of course. I look forward to it._ _”_

_Time again stood still for a brief but indeterminate period until they both moved to excuse themselves._

_The image of her eyes and her face lingered in his mind, and not for the last time. It was nothing that meditation would not resolve, he told himself._

_ooo_

_And now she is here for me_ _…_ _Mine_ _…_ Returning to the present, Sarek knew that meditation would have no effect on what he was feeling now. If he even could meditate at the moment. Instead, he knew what he wanted, needed… He climbed astride the platform.

He embraced his still-sleeping bondmate and pulled her to him. He did not need her body just yet; he needed her mind first. Caressing her in the places he knew would engender a reaction, he strove to awaken her, at first gently and then with more insistence. His rational self disapproved of his self-centered actions, but desire had overtaken him once again.

Amanda awoke, slowly teasing apart what was reality and what was not as their thoughts blended. He was thinking of an occasion when they had only just met, and she recalled the same. She remembered, as if in a dream, his mesmerizing stare as his eyes met hers in the UFP Council hall, then their surprisingly flirtatious conversation afterward, and throughout, the rising sense of excitement she felt but tried to deny. It was not the first time they experienced such shared memories, but she was surprised he was capable of doing so now.

This time, she experienced his startling feelings of yearning and bewildered wonderment for her – some thoughts remarkably intense and explicit -- that had begun early on and that he had ruthlessly repressed until his logical mind had been able to form an acceptable rationale for them. Amanda was both surprised and touched – her stoic, rational, Vulcan husband had been rather besotted.

Looking back, it was then that the wave had taken hold of her, a slowly building, inexorably powerful wave of attraction for him that eventually swept her away. His captivation with her had been like a fire, a sand fire, sweeping unstoppably across the landscape. Their mutual attraction, like iconic forces of nature on each of their worlds, had built from seemingly nothing into an overpowering force that was impossible to ignore.

Her half-awake thoughts were interrupted by a spike of impatience coming through their bond, and the very corporeal sensation of coitus being initiated. The Fever had returned.

_//Oh!//_

A low growl accompanied his movements as he climbed astride his bondmate and aligned their bodies. With a firm, quick thrust he entered her, now needing her body as well as her mind.

 _//Mine!//_ Another growl accompanied this thought and it was clear his thoughts were far from where they were just moments ago. Now Sarek existed entirely in the present, focused only on taking his mate. He swiftly achieved an intense, erotic rhythm, and Amanda lost herself to the powerful, wavelike sensations. She moaned his name.

Even swept up as she was, Amanda did not fail to notice that he was calmer. Still intensely aroused and overwhelmed with need, his manner did not have the degree of desperation it had before. Instinctively, she took a deep, calming breath in relief, unknowingly sending him a sense of peace he hadn’t felt in days. He didn’t react, as he was otherwise engaged, but it would have an effect on him.

Distantly, Amanda knew she was relieved both for him and for herself. Relieved for him that the _pon farr_ might actually be waning, bringing him closer to safety. Relieved for herself because she needed him and because she wanted to sustain him. Here, far from her own world – or anywhere else in the Universe, for that matter – he was her rock, her foundation, and he sustained her, cherished her profoundly. Helping him through this was the very least she could do for so great a gift as he had given her.

His imminent climax pulled her back to reality. Feeling his thrusts become harder, more uneven, she gripped his back and whispered feverishly into his canted ear.

“Yes, _Adun_ , more, please!”

Sarek snarled and gripped her harder, moving faster. Even while he was caught in the throes of passion, her soothing presence washed over him like pleasant water. Her essence surrounded him, buoyed him, and kept him safe. She was essential to his life, and she was here, calmer and more rational than he.

Amanda whined, tightening herself around her bondmate and twisting her hips, forcing an impassioned hiss from his throat. All of a sudden he stiffened and erupted inside her, holding her hard against him as he pulsed within her. Her nails dug into his back once more as her whole body shuddered around his a moment later. A long, trembling several seconds after, they both lay gasping on the platform.

ooo

She awoke to the feel of him entering her yet again. _Am I dreaming? So tired_ _…_ Oh! _Not dreaming_ _…_ Once again caught up in the Fires, Sarek was eagerly claiming his mate. Amanda willed herself to wrap her arms around him in spite of her aches and fatigue.

And she could not resist him. His actions intensified, as did their erotic pull on her. She could feel his building need as it ignited her own. Even with Sarek lost to his senses, their bodies fit together as if carved from a single piece of living matter. She could not stifle a tortured moan.

She whimpered, and he growled, intent on possessing his mate in no uncertain terms. His thoughts, like his thrusts, pushed deeper into her mind. _//You are mine!//_   Amanda gasped, writhing beneath him. She welcomed him into her mind, and they joined fully.

Overcome herself by the Fever, she laced her fingers into the hair on either side of his head, forcing him to look at her.

“Kiss me!” she hissed.

He only understood her words for the passion underlying them, and instead he marked her. She reached up and took his face in her hands a second time, pulling him down to hers. She kissed him, hard, jamming her tongue into his mouth. An instant of surprise, and then he returned the kiss with equal force. His feverish eyes met hers, evaluating, and then –

Grasping her torso, he swiftly rolled them both over and pulled her to straddle him. Without a pause, he lowered her down onto his demanding _lok_. She moaned.

Thus captured, Amanda both gave herself over and took command. She began moving up and down on him, at first slowly, then gradually faster. As her pace increased, she began to circle her hips around him, the added motion making him hiss with pleasure.

His mate’s taking of him was incredibly stimulating. But he could not remain passive. Not now. Sarek grabbed her hips and thrust upward into her moving body, seizing the momentum from her.

“Oh…!” Her hands clutched at his muscled chest. His vigorous pace accelerated. He thrust up further, deeper still, and she whined, now frantic for completion.

Her voice tremulous, she whispered his name, pleading. “Oh, Sarek…”

His eyes were bright with lustful satisfaction as he kept up the pounding pace.

A tremor rising from deep within began slowly. Amanda felt the tingling start deep in her most private places and knew she would not be able to contain her excitement. As if she was going to try.

Then it happened. The tremor became a temblor, overcoming her suddenly and everywhere as it wracked her body.

 _“Sarek!_ _”_

 _//Ohhh - !//_ Whose utterance it was neither one could tell. Their minds chorused together.

Sarek felt her climax with his body and in his mind, triggering his own. His hips snapped upward, hard, and he exploded within her. Their bodies reverberated in concert. The release was indeed cathartic and he sagged against her, spent for now.

Amanda’s senses were completely overloaded. Black encircled her vision and she knew she was going to faint. Sarek gripped her, his feverish hands tight around her waist as he lowered her down to the platform, their pooled sweat dripping off their bodies. 

_//Aduna.//_

Before her eyes closed, she felt him take her hand in his.


	54. Koon’ut’plathau: The third day

Sometime later Amanda woke in the dim light of the cave.  She was a mess: she felt sweaty, dirty, and her hair was a rats’ nest of tangles. _No surprise, but… Ick_. Rapidly made aware of various bodily needs, she sat up quickly, but instantly regretted it as her head swam with dizziness. _I haven’t eaten anything since -- ?_

When she re-focused her eyes again she saw Sarek, standing at the edge of the platform. He was staring at her, an unfamiliar expression on his face. It took her a moment to process before she realized it was… trepidation.

_What?_

Sarek stood frozen by the gaze of his bondmate. Some semblance of conscious thought had returned, at least temporarily, and with it his appalled, if foggy, memory of their last interaction. Sensing her dissatisfaction, he could only assume it was directed at him.

_Such violence! I meant to spare her… It would be logical now if she refused to forgive me._

He looked down, engulfed by self-loathing for a moment before he became aware of her trying to regain his attention. He looked back up, and was somewhat incredulous to see her offering him her two fingers.

He was instantly was at her side, silent but seemingly calm, his fingers meeting hers before going to her face to assess her health. After a moment he pulled back, and slowly drew her up with him, steadying her as he stood. He led her to the alcove in the back of the cave. There, still wordless, he indicated the refresher, and she gratefully slipped inside. When she emerged, he led her to the shower, and from there back to the sleeping platform. Then from nearby he produced a large carafe of water and a couple of nutrition tablets before disappearing into the recesses of the cave.

Amanda sucked down the water and swallowed the tablets, contemplating his rational behavior _. Thank goodness he seems to be getting some relief from the madness._

But her assessment was premature. Before she could reflect further, the platform dipped down under Sarek’s weight. She felt his hot hands on her waist as he turned her to face his blazing eyes once again.

Impatient with arousal, he hungrily climbed her body, intent on satisfying the burning need. But this time a veneer of conscious thought intruded, the Fever partially sated and his stubborn mind no longer willing to surrender completely to the Fires. He forced himself to slow his movements in order to relieve his sore and tired bondmate. It was excruciating but necessary.

Gently, slowly, he made them one. Amanda immediately sensed the change in him, the restraint he was fighting to impose on himself. A pained expression of remorse crossed his face as the need to thrust overcame him. 

Surprised, Amanda reflected that nothing, or no one, forced Sarek to do anything, but at this moment, his body was still forcing him, completely beyond his control, driven by this primal need. It was obvious he was restraining himself to his utmost to protect her, and this confirmed for her that, in some ways, the _pon farr_ was actually harder on him than it was on her.  

 _This can’t be easy for him. Oh, Adun…_ Her breath caught. That he was trying yet again to spare her in the midst of this life-threatening cycle simply astounded her.

Concerned anew for his welfare, she reached for his face, struggling to remain as calm as possible as she murmured soothing words and sent him comforting thoughts.

_//I am the cool water, my husband. Quench thy flames with me. It is all right now; we are together, never parted. You have me, the cool water. We are one…//_

 She stroked his body, hoping again to cool his burning skin. He shuddered with another climax, but then his still-feverish eyes focused on her face. 

 _Is he hearing me?_   

Sarek was dimly aware of his mate speaking. He still did not fully understand her, but he received her calming thoughts. Images began to appear, blurred by his febrile mind, images of water on Earth: a cool running stream he had walked along with Amanda, the meditation pool at the embassy, the sparkling surface of the Canadian lake where he and Amanda had camped. He swallowed shakily, trying to concentrate on the soothing sensations of her cool skin, her slower heartbeat. His ravenousness subsided a little bit.

Then, through the cooling images came another sensation, as arousing as it was comforting: her desire. He focused on her body, moving in sync with his. Her movements – theirs together – were profoundly stimulating. In moments, he was at the edge of a new climax, and he knew, so was she. Her urgent whimpering set his mind aflame. Their bodies met once more, and he exploded in a rush inside her just as she convulsed around him.

A single wordless exclamation from them both and they collapsed as one on the platform. It was most satisfying.

Sarek breathed deeply. His bondmate’s presence was infinitely reassuring. Her body was life-giving. The burning in his own was not yet over, his mind still periodically overcome with flame. He would take her again – perhaps multiple times – before the Fires would be reduced to embers. The intensity of his need, however, had lessened. Awareness surfaced, however fleetingly, even as his memory remained fogged. He clutched his wife’s body, grateful.

 _Mine_.

ooo

For Amanda her experience of time in the cave evolved into a dream-like state; it was no longer clear to her when she was awake and when she was dreaming. She was aware of Sarek’s presence -- when they coupled, when they rested, when he gave her water – but it was all a dim continuum to her fatigued body and mind.

She was aware, though, through her bond with Sarek, that her husband’s hormone-driven urgency had lessened. Periods of lucidity punctuated the madness of the Fever, to her great relief. He still needed her, but he was calmer now, more present. The _pon farr_ was not over, but she would be able to go the distance.

ooo

Time passed to find them again entangled, their bodies writhing together as one. He shuddered at the climax’ conclusion and sagged against her, his wrists still wrapped in her hair. He breathed. His blood still burned, but his solace was here.

_T’nash-veh._

A semblance of thought slowly returned, and with it awareness of fatigue and a plethora of aches. _Whose?_

Sleep had already reclaimed her, even as he still possessed her body. _She is exhausted_. Although the Fever would return, to his relief he sensed they would be granted a brief respite.

And he would live.

More importantly, so would she. They had avoided the dreaded fate he was convinced would come to pass. _Somehow, I protected her_. _As she has me._ Not only would she survive the Fires, but she would save him from their fatal grip. Because of her strength. _She honors and protects me._ Of course; she was his _k'hat'n'dlawa_. Bonding with her had not been such an irrational thing after all.

He still needed his mate, however. He slid apart from her, then pulled her gently to him, wrapping his arms protectively around her. _She is mine_. In seconds he was asleep.

ooo

Amanda slowly came to consciousness, drifting up through the layers of sleep until she nearly startled herself, realizing that Sarek’s mind was not clamoring within her own. The constant drumbeat of urgent, building need had gone silent, replaced by a quiet hum she had known but had almost forgotten. For the first time in days, Sarek was finally sleeping. He lay, one arm thrown across her waist in an exhausted but yet still possessive claim, slumbering deeply beside her.  

She took a long and slow breath. _Thank God he’s safe_.

She was still concerned for him, however. The dark olive crescents underneath his eyes bore silent testament to how needed this rest was. He hadn’t eaten or slept for days, and his body had been under incredible duress. Yet no one had told her anything about the recovery period following _pon farr_.

 _The best thing I can do,_ she thought, _is let him sleep._

Even with this vow, she couldn’t hold back a groan when she sat up. Her whole body protested with aches and pains. A particularly sharp stab caught her attention; when she shifted to inspect the source, she recalled the bite to her inner thigh. It and what followed immediately after had been so arousing that again a jolt shivered her core with the memory. His strength, his desperate need, their shared passion, the roughness and how disturbed she was that she enjoyed it all so much…

The bite stung and drew her back to the present. Gingerly, she slid out from beneath his arm, holding her breath, but amazingly he did not stir, his breathing still deep and even. She marveled; Sarek, always so alert to everything, was essentially dead to the world. He slumbered onward, undisturbed.

Once on her feet she slowly padded over the soft rugs to the small refresher unit in the alcove. After this, she returned to the medical supplies, now scattered about the floor.

She was rubbing more healing gel into her skin when she noticed a small stasis unit, discretely placed in the alcove. Curious, she went to it, wondering what was traditionally stored there. When she opened it, her breath caught. Inside she found a thermos of her favorite tea, a selection of her favorite Terran cheeses and breads, and several _sash-savas_ fruit, their tart, citrusy flesh bringing back fond memories of their honeymoon. And off to the side, her silk bathrobe, no doubt stored here to protect it from his feverish hands.

Hungrily, Amanda swallowed several slices of the fruit and a hunk of bread with gulps of the tea. Her eyes teared up. The robe from their bedroom and the Terran foods could not have been furnished by the ritual attendants whom she understood cared for this place and its periodic guests. They could only have been brought so thoughtfully by her husband, at that point already in the throes of the Fever. To come here, to the caves at the place of _koon-ut-kal’i’fee_ , at that time, would surely have been to brazenly court the full force of the madness.

_And yet he did it anyway. So that I would have some small creature comforts, no doubt illogical to a Vulcan mind, when we emerged from the Fires. He does not acknowledge love. But how can I deny it of him when I see it so plainly?_

She returned to what had been their bed for the past several days, and carefully slid back under his arm. He stirred a little, mumbling something incoherent, and pulled her closer. 

She leaned in to kiss him softly. “I love you, my husband.”

Clutching the silk robe in her hands, she was surprised to feel hot tears on her cheeks. Then she was suddenly sobbing, even as she frantically tried to stifle the noise she was making.

 _Why am I crying? What’s wrong with me?_  

As she forced herself to regain some composure, it all became clear. _I’m exhausted, hungry, and sore; it’s no wonder… And he could have_ died _. He nearly did. He could have…_ The thought nearly brought the sobs back with a vengeance; it was only her desire not to wake him that enabled her to fight them down.

The effort exhausted her further. Her body already in need of much-needed rest, Amanda quickly fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T’nash-veh – Mine


	55. Koon’ut’plathau: The fourth day

Not many hours later, Sarek awoke. It was after nightfall. For the first time in recent memory, he felt… lucid. The oppressive, grinding, escalating tension that had tortured his body for the past… _how many days has it been, actually?_ He did not know. It was gone. Finally. The mating urge had been satisfied, almost. Emotions still ran unfettered through his mind, but his ability to control was returning.

With his renewed awareness swiftly came a question: _Amanda! Where is she?_ He thrashed around for a moment before turning to see her lying to his left, asleep.

Her silk robe was clutched in her hand, the rind of a _sash savas_ fruit stacked neatly on the floor next to the platform. She appeared unharmed. Sarek quickly moved to check her condition; to his intense relief, his senses confirmed she had escaped serious injury.

Relief was immediately followed by incredulousness. How she had managed the Time, how she managed him, he did not know. A wave of tenderness and a flood of other emotions overtook him.

_My wife…_

He needed to step away for a moment to regain his composure.

He strode to rear of cavern, stretching his sore body and attempting to calm his mind. He was only partially successful, for meditation would not come. Instead, images of Amanda filled his mind. Her brilliant blue eyes, her slender body, the expression on her face when he…

It was obvious the Fires were not quite sated. He needed her.

Just as in the dream he first had almost three years ago, the cave was pitch black, but he easily homed in on his bondmate’s familiar scent and the almost imperceptible sounds of her breathing. Crossing the darkness of the cave one more time, Sarek knew the Fires were burning their last. His control was still in tatters, but it would soon strengthen. 

He slid down next to her, skimming his hands over her soft skin. Gently pulling her toward him, he buried his face at the base of her neck while his sensitive fingertips sought hers. “ _K’diwa_ ,” he murmured. Their fingers joined, then hands, their bodies brushing together. 

She was his savior, his life, and his joy, and this was not a dream, but reality. The profundity of his good fortune struck him again and, try as he might, Sarek knew he could not attribute his situation solely to logic. At this moment, emotion ruled.

A flood of feelings overtook him, forcing him to pause as he attempted to assimilate them. He blinked in surprise in the darkness as he realized these emotions were startlingly familiar – it took him a moment until he realized that he recognized them. The similarities could not be denied: they were the ones Amanda felt for him. They were the ones that she broadcast through their bond… The ones she called _love_.

They were also the nameless ones he had known since the beginning for her, the ones he could neither articulate nor control. They were the source of the madness that so frequently overcame him outside of his Time, when they demanded expression. It was true, he acknowledged to himself as he recalled those incidents. Each time there was passion, driven by animal desire and Vulcan instinct, but also spawned from emotions so intense he possessed no means of adequately controlling them.

Why it had taken him so long to make this connection, he did not know. Perhaps it was his discipline, trained from childhood to synthesize into logic the experience of any feeling. Perhaps it was his inexperience in dealing with such an emotion. Or perhaps it was simple denial, an illogical unwillingness to admit to the vulnerability that this emotion unavoidably implied.

He examined the components of his emotional state and compared them to his memories with a scientist’s rigor. There were differences, of course, between those that were hers and his, for Vulcans and Humans experienced emotions differently, but the conclusion was inescapable.  His head sank back against the platform. He... loved her.

He was shocked. He was Vulcan. He knew that through to the core of his being, even if the burning of his blood these past days did not prove it. He also knew that his control had not yet returned, that his emotions ran too close to the surface still. But that was not a reason not to face the fact. He, Sarek of Vulcan, heir to Surak, _loved_ his wife.

The waves of feeling washed over him again and for a moment it was as if he were choking on them, he was so overwhelmed. Vulcan emotions were fiercely, deeply felt, and now named, these struck him all the more powerfully.  _This is truly the Engulfment_. Now he understood the at-times desperate feeling he sensed in Amanda, when she was similarly overcome.

_Another diversity, combined_. _Even if it is one that cannot be spoken of._

He was so grateful – grateful that she was here, that she would serve him in his Time, that she was part of his life -- he longed for her. He _burned_ for her. He arched his body over hers…

_No_. He stopped himself, resolute. _I must care for her first._ He forced himself to settle back down, turning his attention to carefully checking her body for injuries.

Amanda awoke in darkness to the feel of soft caresses gently roving over her body. These were different than before, probing and inquisitive this time rather than insistent or demanding. She directed her thoughts toward her bondmate.

// _?_ //

// _My wife._ _Are you damaged in any way?_ //

She smiled in his mind, happy and relieved that he had returned to himself. // _Nothing serious,_ Adun,// she replied. Feeling his jolt of alarm, she hastily amended. _//Just a few sore spots. I used the regenerator. I’m fine.//_

 The wave of his guilt washed over her. _//You are not ‘fine.’ You suffer from injury and extreme fatigue.//_

_//Well of course I’m fatigued!//_ Amanda objected. _//So are you. And these aren’t injuries. They’re just…// -- she searched for the words -- //love marks.//_

Mortified, he began, _//I beg--//_

_//Shhh,_ Adun _. I really am fine.//_

// _I will be the judge of that_ ,// he declared. Forcing himself to control his remorse, he continued his gentle inspection.

// _The fever is receding_.//

// _Yes_ ,// she agreed, touching her palm to his forehead and letting him feel her own relief that, while still warm, it was not nearly as hot as it had been. // _I’m so glad you’re all right…//_

He bowed his head. _//You have honored and protected me in this Time,_ Aduna _.//_

_//And you have done the same for me, Husband. I love you.//_

He was silent, but in response, his touches became more affectionate.

Amanda could sense the desire in his mind, but also something causing him to hesitate. // _What’s wrong, Sarek?_ // She was surprised to hear him speak in reply.

" _Aduna_..." he whispered. He wanted so much right now, not simply to mate with her, but to make love to her, to express what he felt for her -- but he was uncertain, in light of her recent experience, whether this was something she would welcome. His voice hoarse and stumbling, he continued, “I… want you. To show you… But if this… ordeal… has been too—”

She interrupted his halting speech.  “Shhh,” she began, stroking his cheek and jaw in the dark. “This is not an ordeal, my love. It’s a shared experience, a part of our lives together. You kept me safe. And we have each other to get through this and all the others to come. I love you, Sarek.”

In his fragile emotional state Sarek was struck dumb again. She accepted him utterly, he realized, was reminded yet again. Far more than he accepted himself. He could return that devotion with nothing less. _//You are… life… to me,//_ he managed, his thoughts joined by another rush of feeling. // _You are life to me in more than this one way, my wife,_ // he clarified.

_//Oh y_ _es,_ Adun, _//_ she responded soothingly.

He buried his face at her neck. _//Amanda,//_ he thought, and she sighed with contentment.  He was not satisfied, though.  _She is Human._ _I need her to know._ He made a decision.

He pulled back far enough to look into her eyes. “My wife,” he began, and faltered, “I…” He swallowed and stopped. His control was virtually non-existent and speech was still quite difficult. He flushed.

Watching him struggle to speak with confusion and concern, Amanda gently caressed his cheek. _//Shhh, my husband, you should rest. You can tell me this way.//_

_//No,//_ came his stubborn reply. _//Not only that…//_

He gathered himself again and raised his dark eyes to look at her. Slowly raising his fingers, he placed them again against her face so there could be no doubt. Of course there would not be; they were already communicating through the bond.Still, he needed to be certain.

“Amanda.” His whispered voice was rough with effort, fighting against a lifetime of training to tell her what he wanted her to know. His thought simultaneously reverberated in Amanda’s mind as his next words took her breath away.

“I… love you.”

Amanda’s eyes widened and he heard the intake of her breath, saw the tears swell up. Their bond told him her tears were tears of joy. Thus encouraged, he continued, opening up thoughts to her that he never thought he could express so explicitly.

_//Amanda…_ Aduna _… With the totality of my_ katra _, I cherish thee._ _I love you. It is forbidden to openly express it, but this you must always know.//_

Amanda beamed her brilliant smile for him. _//I do know, my husband. I thought I didn’t need to hear you say it, but it is wonderful to hear.//_

_//It is perhaps… one positive aspect of the current circumstance. I do not know how often I will be able to repeat myself.//_

_//You never need to. I love you so much...I cherish thee, Adun.//_

Incredibly, a smile broke across his handsome features. A small one, it shone just briefly before he caught himself. He could feel her answering emotion as her arms tightened around him. 

“Make love to me, _Adun_ ,” she whispered, pulling him close.

The burning still lurking in Sarek’s veins flared again, forbidding him from arguing. He arched his body over hers and complied gently, listening carefully for any sign of distress as her soft moans rose in intensity. There were none. 

His long, sensitive fingers caressed her body with a wonder that had never subsided from the first. And as Amanda twisted her body beneath him, he bent his head and kissed her, Human-style yet with Vulcan passion.

_IDIC, indeed_.

_//Complete me,//_ she thought to him, and he was overcome.

_//K’diwa…//_

He levered his muscled form to move within her urgently now, sending both of their bodies rushing toward the peak. Amanda cried out in her fervor, clutching him desperately, her cries filling the cave one final time. An explosion of ecstasy followed as they reverberated against one another for an impossibly long, drawn-out moment. And when they cascaded slowly back down again, he held her tightly to him.

Outside, the winds died down. Unbeknownst to the couple in the ancient cave, the storm finally dissipated, and the stars returned to their places in the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Engulfment, the – Translation of Vulcan word, shon-ha-lock, also loosely translated, “love at first sight”


	57. Honor and Protection

The Vulcan sun was high when they prepared to leave the _koon-ut-plathau_. Sarek had produced robes for them from yet another hidden compartment within the cave, and Amanda was further surprised to find his flitter waiting for them when they emerged.

“It is tradition,” he said simply.

Amanda promptly dozed off during the ride home, and as a result did not see Sarek’s concerned glance. She was therefore surprised yet again when they arrived at the fortress and he scooped her up out of the flitter, refusing to allow her to walk inside.

_Another tradition?_

“I must care for you,” he answered her, acknowledging none of her objections while he carried her up to their bedchamber.

Sarek’s control appeared back in place, and Amanda noted that none of the servants they encountered seemed to regard his behavior as the least bit unusual. In fact, all, including T’Areth and T'Lina, greeted the couple as if they were simply returning from a day’s work. The _pon farr_ was not acknowledged in any way. In her exhausted state it made the whole experience all the more surreal.

They reached their sleeping quarters, and Sarek immediately set about attending to her various bruises and bite marks with the dermal regenerator and other supplies. Amanda did not object; she was already asleep.

He silently contemplated as he watched his wife slumber. To Sarek the _pon farr_ also seemed surreal, but for entirely different reasons. His foggy memory, addled by hormones, could only recall patches of the Time. What he could remember was quite disturbing; his utter loss of control, his… violence, as evidenced by her exhaustion and the many marks on her body, were extremely troubling to recollect. He also vividly recalled the intense emotions he experienced – and what they signified. He did not deny them – to do so would be illogical – but he did require meditation to process them.

As he considered the wisdom of leaving her side to do so, Sarek noted that Amanda’s pregnancy monitor, implanted to provide an early warning, had not alarmed. A Human pregnancy did take several days to implant, however, so it was quite possible that additional time might be required for one to register.

 _Yet the probability of a viable pregnancy is still quite low,_ he thought, reflexively calculating. He quashed the disappointment that rose up. It was not logical to expect a child conceived and sustained by natural means. They would hopefully find another way. Somehow managing not to have harmed his Human wife in the Fires – if, in fact, this proved actually to be the case – was more than he should expect, he told himself. _I should be satisfied with this._ To want more was not logical. He steeled himself to reason.

He was about to leave for that much-needed meditation when he sensed his bondmate awakening. Amanda stirred, and Sarek was instantly at her side. She opened her eyes to look at him, and his were searching her face with concern.

“ _Aduna?_ Are you well?”

She smiled reassuringly at him. “Yes, _Adun_.” Then she shifted, and could not stop the grimace from briefly flickering across her face. “Just a little sore,” she amended.

He dropped his gaze, shame radiating through their bond.

 _Oh, for Pete’s sake._ “Sarek. Sarek, please look at me.”

Her very Vulcan husband reluctantly looked up, and it pained her more than the various aches in her body to see the remorse in his eyes.

She took his hand. “I love you.”

“I…” Sarek hesitated, ingrained disciplines returned. “You know my regard for you, _K’diwa_. Which makes my behavior all the more inexcusable.”

“My husband, please listen to me,” she said firmly. “Don’t fight nature. It’s a waste of time. We’re both fine. You did a wonderful job of patching up any scrapes or bruises I did have. And you kept me safe.” Her voice softened. “I know you don’t like talking about this.”

He looked away. “I could have killed you,” he whispered.

Exasperated, Amanda retorted, “I don’t believe that. But I do know _you_ could have died!” She grabbed his other hand, forcing him to look into her eyes. “Sarek _cha_ Skon,” she admonished, “promise me one thing. The next time, promise me you won’t wait, you won’t try to fight this off. And that you’ll _tell_ me! I _know_ how close to the edge you were.” Her blue eyes pleaded with him, while she thought to herself, _And even if you don’t, I won’t miss the signs again. I won’t let this happen a second time_.

He stayed silent, stubborn in denial.

“If anything, delaying only made it worse for _both_ of us,” she added pointedly.

His brows shot up. He did not expect such an aggressive negotiating tactic from his bondmate. He had yet to learn how protective Amanda could be toward the ones she loved – but he would.

“My wife --”

“Promise me.”

“That is not --”

“ _Promise_ me!”

Sarek of Vulcan stared into his wife’s adamant eyes and drew the logical conclusion. He conceded. “Very well, _Aduna_.”

To his surprise, she folded her arms, tapping a finger against her elbow, waiting.

He sighed inwardly. He did, after all, owe her his life. “I… promise. You have my word, my wife.”

Amanda relaxed. “Took you long enough,” she chided.

At that moment, the comm chimed. Sarek went to it, relieved to escape his wife’s disapproving stare. His mother’s face materialized on the screen before him.

“Where is T’Amanda?” T’Pau asked abruptly.

Merely raising a brow, Sarek calmly responded. “My _aduna_ is here, _Ko-mekh_. What is the reason for your inquiry?”

T’Pau already knew that her son had survived the Fires, and for that she was grateful. What she did not know was how his bondmate had fared. While both had emerged from the _koon’ut’plathau,_ an ailment not yet visible at that time could have afflicted or claimed her. Humans were, after all, fragile – although, evidently less fragile than she had originally assumed.

Drawing herself up with all of her matriarchal authority, she informed her son in no uncertain terms. “I wish to inquire after thy bondmate’s health. I will speak with her.”

Protective, Sarek began to object, but stopped at the insistent clamoring of his wife in the background.

“Sarek. Sarek! It’s fine. Let me speak with your mother.”

Resigned, Sarek relented to the demands of the two women in his life. “As you wish,” he said to them both.

T’Pau’s eagle eyes met Amanda’s. “T’Amanda, are thee well?” she asked, scrutinizing the Human before her.

Amanda gave a small smile at her mother-in-law’s adaptation of her name. “Yes, I am well, _Pid-kom,_ ” she answered, ignoring Sarek’s doubtful look.

“Thee will inform me if thee requires anything needed for thy return to health,” T’Pau declared. “And thee shall address me as _Ko-mekh, Ko-fu t’nash-veh_.”

At Sarek’s raised brows and Amanda’s surprised look, the matriarch explained what should have been obvious. “She who is my son’s _aduna_ is also my daughter. Of course thee know this. It is tradition, and it is logical.”

Amazed by this rapid turn of events, Amanda simply murmured, “I am honored, _Ko-mekh_.”

T’Pau held her gaze. “As am I, _Ko-fu_.” Then she returned her attention to Sarek. “Thee will see to her care,” she ordered.

Seeing no logic in objecting, Sarek simply acknowledged her.

The comm screen went dark, and a sudden wave of fatigue hit Amanda. She sank back against the pillows.

Sarek moved quickly to arrange the bedcovers around her. “What do you require, _Aduna_?” he asked, again concerned.

She sighed softly, content. “Only you, _Adun_. And about a month to sleep this off…”

His course of action was obvious, and hardly difficult. He slipped into bed next to her and pulled her close. _//It is my honor to care for you,_ K’diwa _.//_

Amanda smiled and closed her eyes.

ooo

Later, Sarek meditated on Surak’s constructs, some of the more personal aspects of them. In spite of all his other admonitions against the expression of emotion, Surak had, in fact, allowed for the expression of devotion between bonded mates. It was certainly not required within a bonded relationship, but should such emotion exist, it could be – very carefully -- expressed. Only in private, of course, and never to be discussed outside, but nonetheless a clear exception to the rigid rules of stoicism deemed so essential for the survival of the Vulcan race. What were the logical reasons for this?

Perhaps a vestige of their ancient past too difficult to eradicate; perhaps an instinctive development conducive to stable family formation and procreation; perhaps a relatively safe outlet for passions that could not entirely be eliminated.  Perhaps it occurred so infrequently that Surak did not deem it an issue worthy of addressing.

From the perspective of pure logic, none of these reasons seemed sufficiently compelling to allow for the expression of what Sarek now knew to be incredibly powerful emotions. They were indeed passions, even if tenderly expressed. Even though he would only characterize his union with Amanda in the most logical terms to the outside world, he knew this rationale for the incomplete truth that it was. He was grateful for this exception of his ancestor’s, even if he could not fully justify the logic of it. 

Then a thought occurred to him, causing him to feel an oddly closer kinship to his venerable forefather. Perhaps Surak, too, had cherished his wife, and knew this unique state of being was, in fact, too precious to live without.

ooo

The next few Vulcan days passed in a pleasant, if exhausted, blur for Amanda. She slept – a lot – and for what little time she was awake she was never without Sarek’s hovering presence, bringing her food and water to replenish her drained body and carefully ministering to her remaining sore spots. Somehow, she sensed that when she rested, he slept almost as deeply as she did.

Then one afternoon she awoke to find Sarek again peering closely at her, a look of concern furrowing his brows.

“What is it, _Adun_?” she asked, her voice still groggy with sleep.

Instead of answering, his long fingers gently swept over the psi points on her face, sensing her general state of health and projecting his concern. The monitor she had been given to detect the early signs of pregnancy still had given no alert, he noted, quickly suppressing again the illogical sense of disappointment that the unlikely event had not occurred. Her exhaustion must therefore be due to some other cause. _What ails her?_

_//You are still greatly fatigued. I must summon the healer, Dr. Corrigan.//_

_//Well, of course I am,_ Adun _. I have a lot of sleep to catch up on,//_ she thought in response, smiling as mischievously as she could at him without breaking into a yawn. Patting his hand, she attempted to reassure him, _//Don’t worry, I feel fine.//_

Stubborn, Sarek did worry, even if he would not admit it openly. “You may ‘feel fine,’ my wife, but it remains the logical course to have a healer confirm it.”

Amanda rolled her eyes. “If you say so, _Adun_ ,” she murmured, unconcerned, before closing her eyes again. Her recollection of her last visit to Sorel and Corrigan’s office before the _koon’ut’kal’i’fee_ was strangely fuzzy, but she could recall the general nature of Daniel’s reaction. She idly wondered what his reaction would be the next time she saw him, before dozing off again.

ooo

The Human doctor summoned, Sarek ruminated. Freshly out of _pon farr_ , his nerves were still on edge, his regained control having not yet restored him to the level of calm he normally enjoyed. Even so, his concerns at the moment went beyond those that were simply hormonally generated. At this time and in this situation, it grated against his very instincts to invite another male, a Human male no less, into his home, his bedchamber, to examine his wife. _She is mine, more so now than ever._

Furthermore, what if what the doctor found was somehow culturally unacceptable to Humans? Would he attempt to remove Amanda? Would he seek the assistance of the Humans in the Terran Embassy on Vulcan for that purpose? _She is mine!_   _But summoning the healer is for her protection…_

Sarek forced himself to breathe through the tension that suddenly materialized, slowly unclenching his hands and his jaw. He spent the remainder of the time awaiting the doctor’s arrival mentally reviewing all of the relevant treaty clauses between Vulcan and the Federation.

When Corrigan arrived, Sarek greeted him expressionlessly and escorted him without comment to where Amanda slept. When they reached the sleeping chamber door, Sarek informed him, “My wife has been greatly fatigued for the past five point three nine days, sleeping for an average of sixty-eight point nine four percent of this period. I understand that this is excessive even for Humans.”

That was the extent of his explanation and Corrigan hesitated a moment before he spoke. Recalling the bizarre scene in his office ten days before, the doctor had dropped everything to rush to the fortress when he received Sarek’s call.

Now the ambassador stood before him, stoic and composed, just as he had every other time Corrigan had seen him. _Has this man, this Vulcan, really just come through a life-threatening, insanity-producing, rutting cycle the likes of which no one has even conceived in a sentient species?_ he wondered. It was truly hard to believe. _And what of his Human wife?_

He started, hoping he hadn’t been silent and staring for too long. “Er, yes,” was all he managed before reaching for the old-fashioned door handle. Moving to enter, he stopped when he noticed Sarek preparing to follow.

“Ambassador.”

“Yes, Doctor?” Sarek’s dark eyes were quizzical.

“Among Humans, it’s considered customary for me to interview my patients in private.”

For a single instant, Corrigan found himself caught in the sights of the Vulcan’s laser-like glare before the diplomat recovered his impassive expression. It left him with an ominous hint of what the past ten days might have been like.

“Ah… of course, Doctor.” Sarek assented, after a pause. “I will inform my wife of your arrival,” he declared firmly.

Corrigan followed cautiously through the door. For his part, he was both relieved and apprehensive. Although relieved that he would be able to examine Amanda without her husband hovering over them, he was nonetheless very nervous about what he might find. He vividly recalled T’Pau’s and Sorel’s incredible words, and Amanda’s bizarre behavior, before the Vulcan marriage ceremony ten days ago. _Will I find her gravely injured, severely traumatized by what must have happened… or worse?_

“Sarek?” A sleepy voice inquired. The Vulcan strode toward the large sleeping platform. He murmured something Corrigan could not hear, and the figure on the platform shifted. Sarek helped her to sit up.

Still touching her husband’s fingers, Amanda greeted the doctor. “Oh, hello, Daniel. Sarek said you were coming.”

“Please… proceed,” Sarek said with a trace of wariness before bowing slightly toward his wife and departing, resolute.

ooo

Sarek stood staring at the door for a long moment after it closed again with Amanda and Corrigan on the other side. His concerns, only partially controlled, resurged full-force. _I have allowed another, another_ male _, to be_ alone _with my bondmate, with her in her fragile state. How is this logical?_  With great effort, he remained where he was, tightly clenching his hands behind his back.

ooo

Meanwhile inside, Corrigan cautiously asked, “How are you, Amanda?”

His patient laughed unexpectedly.

“I feel like I’ve run a marathon through the L-langons,” she joked. Seeing his serious face, she added, “Really, Daniel! I’m tired and… sore… as you might imagine, but I don’t think there’s anything else wrong with me. I really can’t give you much in the way of details,” she finished, color rising on her face.

Her doctor flushed in turn before regaining his professional demeanor. “How do you feel about – ” he waved a hand – “all of this, what you experienced?”

She sighed deeply. “I’m just so relieved.”

“That it’s over?” he asked, wondering if some of the more negative scenarios he imagined had come to pass. He lowered his voice, concerned. “Were you… assaulted, Amanda?”

“Oh, no!” she exclaimed, shaking her head. “It wasn’t like that! Sarek was – well, he wasn’t himself, but we were very much… together in what happened.” She looked up again, hesitant to reveal anything Sarek would consider private. “As I said, it’s difficult to describe…”

Still skeptical, Corrigan felt duty-bound to inquire further. “But you said you were relieved. Because you came through it?”

“No, because he’s alive!” she corrected him. At his blank look she added, “Sarek could have died, you know. He came very close.” She sighed deeply in relief again, leaving Corrigan even more confused.

Amanda smiled sympathetically at his discomfort. “I _am_ fine. I know what you heard before must have sounded awful. But trust me, we came through it okay. We’re _both_ all right. Why don’t you give me the once-over with those scanners of yours so you and Sarek can both relax?”

Corrigan considered her. She seemed to be her normal self. Still, he’d run all of his tests to be sure. Shaking his head, he reached for his medi-scanner.

A moment later his eyes widened.

ooo

Not long after, Corrigan opened the bedroom door, looking for Sarek.

“Your wife would like to see you, Ambassador. She is in good health, although there will be some follow-ups. I've removed the pregnancy monitor; this one seems to have malfunctioned,” the doctor explained. “She is in no danger, though,” he quickly reassured.

Before Sarek could inquire further, Corrigan added, “I apologize, but I must return to the Science Academy immediately.” The doctor briefly turned back toward Amanda, saying, “I’ll see you soon,” before he quickly departed.

At once Sarek crossed over to his wife, where she was already offering him the _oz’hesta_. Patting the space next to her on the platform, she softly commanded, “Attend, my husband.”

He sat beside her, his dark eyes searching hers. “My wife?”

She reached to take his hand, but just before she did so her eyes inexplicably widened and her hand instead flew to her mouth. “Oh, for _Pete’s_ _\--!”_

With that exclamation and to Sarek’s great surprise, Amanda scrambled out of bed and bolted into the refresher. He followed out of concern, concern that was confirmed a moment later when he heard the distinctive sound of retching coming from the other side of the door.

“Amanda? Shall I recall Dr. Corrigan?”

“No, thank you, _Adun_. _*Cough!*_ I’m fine, really…”

This was most definitely one of his bondmate’s more illogical statements. Sarek stood awkwardly, uncertain of his next action. To his relief, a minute later the sound of running water heralded her return and Amanda emerged, pale but smiling. She wrapped her arms around him and simply stood, silent.

Now thoroughly perplexed by the obvious evidence of illness in his wife, contradicted by the giddy joy that surged over him through their bond, he looked down at her with brows furrowed in open confusion. “You have not consumed more _pre tarmeeli_ ,” he stated, even though he knew as he said it that was not the correct explanation.

“No, my husband,” she replied, and her grin became even wider.

Just as he was reminding himself that frustration was illogical, she took his hand again and positioned his fingers at the side of her beaming face. Instinctively he made the connection, reaching for her thoughts.

Their minds came together, and he discovered what it was she wished to tell him. Amazement washed through him, and then through her.

_//Aduna… K’diwa…//_

_//We have an appointment at the_ Shi'Oren t'Ek'Tallar _later today. Daniel says the initial scan of this one is very promising…//_

Then all she could feel was his love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ko-mekh – Mother
> 
> Ko-fu - Daughter
> 
> Ko-fu t’nash-veh - My daughter
> 
> pre tarmeeli – Vulcan dish that allegedly caused Amanda to vomit during their honeymoon (the cause was actually morning sickness)


	58. Epilogue: Thirteen Months Later

S’chn T’Gai Sarek of Vulcan stood rock still at the tall window overlooking Shi’Kahr. His wife had insisted on following tradition, of attending to this duty on her own, and now he waited. Outwardly he remained expressionless, reflective, while his senses focused intently on the doorway to his right.

He had endured the past thirteen point one eight _tevun-kruslar_ admirably, he believed, in the face of multiple and continuing challenges to his logic. This slightly shorter-than-normal period of gestation for a Vulcan child had been fraught with danger to his bondmate and to his unborn son.

Amanda had spent the first thirty days of her pregnancy almost entirely under the watchful eye of healers Sorel and Corrigan – plus Sarek. There had been the copper toxicity, the near-constant nausea and a host of other metabolic effects than had kept her at the _Shi'Oren t'Ek'Tallar_ under close monitoring. He had never been far.

Finally, the tiny embryo had been carefully removed from her body in order for the healers to conduct the unique genetic and chemical adjustments necessary for it to survive. Amanda had been emotional when the incipient child had been evacuated, but Sarek had been relieved. It had not been a foregone conclusion that both would survive to that point.

Following the healers’ work, the embryo had been re-implanted in Amanda’s womb for the remaining duration of a Human pregnancy. Sarek had watched over his wife and unborn child like a _teresh-kah_. It was only logical; unforeseen crises landed them back in the hospital more than once, and it was only Sarek’s alertness and the physicians’ alacrity and skill that had saved mother and child. His protectiveness had been justified.

He had meditated deeply on those incidents. Amanda had been stubbornly determined to go through with as much of a Vulcan pregnancy as she could physically manage, convinced it was the best way to ensure the complete and safe development of their son. He had supported her, as was his duty as her bondmate, although at times not without great private trepidation. It was also his duty to protect them both.

He had been there with her and had held her hand throughout the procedure to remove the tiny fetus once again at the end of nine Terran months, after which the as-yet unborn baby boy had been placed in a one-of-a-kind incubator unit for the duration of a Vulcan pregnancy. Amanda had been grievously emotional at that point, but the healers were insistent that her body could not withstand any more. He had agreed -- it was for her protection – and he had comforted her afterward to the best of his ability. Thereafter, while she recovered, they waited for their son.

Finally, this day, they had gone to retrieve him. Amanda had wanted to go alone, citing the Vulcan tradition of the female giving birth and then presenting the child to the father, but it had been he who insisted they go together.

Now he stood waiting in the corridor at the _Shi’Oren_ , for Amanda had gone to reclaim their son from the healers. They were satisfying tradition in this way. He would not admit to any feeling akin to Human “nerves.”

A sense from their bond told him she was approaching, her mind full of swirling emotions. Again he was relieved. He detected primarily happiness from his bondmate. Happiness, pride, a sense of tremendous responsibility, some trepidation along with that… _But where is she?_

The doors opened before Sarek had to suppress his impatience.

“ _Aduna_ ,” he calmly greeted her.

_“Adun,”_ Amanda replied, her voice trembling with excitement. “Here he is,” she whispered, gesturing to the tiny sleeping infant in her arms. “He’s so _beautiful_. He’s… perfect!”

Sarek gravely looked down at the babe she held, the only Vulcan-Human hybrid in existence. A true embodiment of IDIC. Outwardly he did not show it, but he confronted his own panoply of emotions as he gazed at his son. Similar and yet different from the ones that overcame him at times over his wife, they shook his control.

He swallowed and was silent for a moment. His wife had sacrificed greatly to bear him this child. She had nearly died more than once, and she could not have another, the healers had informed them, the stress on her body had been so great. Their son, like their marriage, was unique in multiple ways.

He offered her the _oz’hesta_. “I am well pleased, my honored bondmate,” he said.

She smiled tenderly at him, and allowed him to gently take the infant into his arms. For a long moment he stared at his son.

“I shall name the child,” he announced.

Amanda’s brow creased in surprise. “What?”

“It is tradition for the male to name the offspring.”

His Human wife crossed her arms. “The tradition in my culture is quite different. The parents collaborate.”

“I do not understand, my wife. We have observed Vulcan tradition throughout our son’s development to this point. Therefore, it is logical that we continue to follow tradition in this.”

“On the contrary, my husband. This pregnancy has been anything but traditional, because our son is a unique blend of both of us. We have modified tradition accordingly. It is logical to continue to do so in order to fit our exceptional situation.”

Sarek was silent again. Not out of stubbornness, but because his Human bondmate had made a logical point that he had not considered. Her bravery, her sacrifice, and her logic honored him greatly. He would protect mother and child with his life. _They are mine_.

Amanda was speaking again. “Can I at least know the name you have in mind?” she entreated.

Sarek’s expression softened. “I wish to name him Spock.”

“What does that mean?” she asked, for once unfamiliar with a Vulcan word.

“It is a derivation of _spo’k’hat’n’dlawa,_ ‘resembling each other’s heart and soul.’” Amanda’s eyes teared up, and he asked softly, “Does this meet with your approval, _Aduna_?”

“Oh yes, _Adun_!” she exclaimed. “You’ve picked the perfect name.”

She took the child back from him. “Spock,” she whispered to the tiny bundle.

Those powerful, unruly emotions overcame Sarek again. But they were in a public place, and she was holding their son in her arms. For now, there was only one alternative.

He leaned toward her, fingers splayed to convey what he needed her to know.

The Vulcan Science Academy hallway was hushed.

A moment later Amanda whispered, “I love you, too.”

It was sufficient.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> teresh-kah – a silver bird, a Vulcan bird of prey
> 
> tevun-kruslar – Vulcan months 
> 
> References/Acknowledgements  
> ====================  
> Vulcan vocabulary – The Vulcan Language Dictionary (Thanks, Selek!) [starbase-10.de/vld/]
> 
> Seheikk'he vocabulary -- Rihannsu-to-English Dictionary [startreklover.com/rihannsu/auerhahn/rihantoeng.html#]
> 
> Vulcan names and their meanings (including Spock’s) – Kirshara [kirshara.wordpress.com]
> 
> Characters Corrigan and Sorel are the creations of Jean Lorrah and are greatfully incorporated here
> 
> Soran is the creation of Selek and is included here with permission
> 
> The process of Spock’s incubation and birth are referenced from “Interview between Ambassador Sarek and Gene Roddenberry” [Archive of Our Own]
> 
> All other original characters and situations are my own
> 
> Final disclaimer: Don’t own, don’t profit. No copyright infringement of the StarTrek franchise intended
> 
> Thank you to Selek for his fantastic beta, and thank you to everyone who reviewed or commented. Those mean a lot!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who’s read this through to the end! Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
